Keepin' it stylish!
Gender: Male
Location: Philippines
Rank: Suspect
Joined: Thu Oct 16, 2014 3:31 pm
Posts: 25
Ch.1 The Bewildering Turnabout (FINAL)
"Mr. Jobs owns a cat named Doggie, who grew a winter coat in order to adapt to the cold environment his owner exposes him. Now, when a cat with a winter coat is exposed to a hot environment, what would happen?"
"It would shed its fur due to heat and stress...WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
"Hence the clumps of cat fur found in the crime scene. Ms. Arky used the thermostat to kill Mr. Jobs by repeatedly exposing him to high and low temperatures to induce a heart attack, and this fur can prove it!"
"But wouldn't Mr. Jobs notice the rapid changes in temperature? Surely he isn't numb?"
"Normally he would, but not in this particular case, Ms Cykes. If you take a look at the updated autopsy report, you'll see at the bottom that traces of methaqualone was found in his bloodstream,. Ergo, he wouldn't notice the changes in temperature because a certain someone spiked up his meal or drink with it, and that certain someone is none other than Ms. Arky!!"
"The cat fur doesn't prove anything! The cat may have been suffering from a disease which causes hair loss!"
"The defense has a point, Mr. Fitzgerald" said the judge "The cat may have been suffering from disease or stress"
"Stress induced by repeated exposure to rapidly changing temperatures. I don't know if you're a masochist or just grasping at straws, Ms. Cykes, but if you want more evidence, here it is!!"
"A tray of butter?" the judge asked? " I thought you've already eaten, Mr. Fitzgerald?"
Show me the guy who made this old fart a judge and I'll shoot him down, I swear
"I HAVE, Your honor" I said, with a facepalm "This IS the proof that the thermostat has been use to kill Mr. Jobs"
"But the butter looks normal to me"
"It is, if look at it from here, but if you shift your point of view, you'll find a glaring contradiction"
I then moved the butter so that the top part can be seen "The temp in Mr. Jobs' office is roughly 17 degrees Celsius, and becomes even lower during the peak of summer. I had Gummy here examine the thermostat before the trial started--it was when I went to the restroom, Ema, in case you're wondering--and found out that it was set to 7 degrees Celsius during the time the murder was committed. 7 degrees is enough to keep butter solid, even if it isn't in a fridge, but here, you'll notice that a bit of parsley has sunk deep within the butter, which would only happen if the butter is very soft and in on the verge of melting, hence raising the questions 'why did the parsley sink deep in a cold slab of butter?' and 'if the butter was indeed exposed to high temperature, how come it was found in a solid form when the police arrived?'. Perplexing as it may seem, there is one rather simple answer to this: The butter has been exposed to rapidly changing temperatures!"
"N-NOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Athena exclaimed. She's still cute
"And to top it off, Ms. Arky's Fingerprints are the only ones found on the thermostat. Let's see if you can make your way out of it, Miss Arky!"
The court burst into uproar, as expected
*THUMP* THUMP* *THUMP*
"ORDER! ORDER! I WILL HAVE ORDER!!" shouted the judge "Mr. Fitzgerlad, you've done enough to prove the defendant's guilt. I see no point in prolonging this trial. I will hand down my verdict--"
"W-wait just a sec!!" Ann Arky exclaimed "I didn't do it, Mr. Judge!! You gotta believe me!! That meanie, gray-haired prosecutor with weird eyes is lying! Sam, Miss Athena!! HELP MEEEEE!!
"HOW DARE YOU!!" Sam shouted "YOU'VE CALLED HER ENOUGH NAMES AND SHAMED HER IN FRONT OF MANY PEOPLE!! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT SHE'S GETTING HURT FROM YOUR ACCUSATIONS?!"
"All I can see is a criminal desperately grasping at straws" I said
"But since I feel extra generous today, I'll give her a chance to speak her mind. Does anyone objection to this?"
"No one objects" said Athena
"Then let's get this party started!"
A moment later, Ann was in the stand. She looks like a cross between April May from The 1st game and
"Let's get this over with" I said, yawning
"It's true that I touched the thermostat, but that doesn't make me a criminal!"
"I mean, adjusting the temp isn't a crime' is it?"
"Besides, I have no idea that he has heart disease!'
"It's just purely coincidental, and I'm a victim of fate!!"
"H-hey!! Cross questioning is MY job!" Athena exclaimed
"Not this time, baby girl" I said, winking "Anyway, that testimony of yours, Ms. Arky, is full of crap and so are you!!"
"W-why? Am I not trustworthy to you?" She said, in a cutesy manner which makes me cringe
"Unlike other people, I can see through your facade and your lies. For example, it's improbable you didn't have a clue about his ailment, because you used to be his private nurse!"
"Eeeek!"
"You have the knowledge and you have the nerve due to your medical background. Therefore all you needed was a perfect setup, which Sam here unknowingly provided: You used his feelings to bend him to your will!"
"And how, do you suppose I did that, you meanie!?"
"What are you, an elongated 8 year old?! Seriously, it doesn't suit you. Anyway, Mr. Jobs is a notorious pervert, and you are a bombshell with a demure and innocent image. If you tell someone as fiery and as passionate as Sam that he attempted to molest you, you can fire up his rage. In other words, you instigated Sam to commit a "murder" in hopes that it'll be enough to deceive the investigators, had it all worked out. Unfortunately for you, the detective in charge was a bit too obsessed with forensics that she did a second autopsy, which led us to the truth"
"But she doesn't have any motive!" Athena exclaimed
"She has, and I can prove it. Here's the coup de grace!!"
"This is a list of biographies of L.A's most wanted, made and compiled by none other than Chief Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth himself. You can see here that Ann Arky isn't your ordinary "secretary" and "private nurse" or even your ordinary criminal for that matter. Her M.O. is as follows: She beguiles old and rich men into marrying her, then she gets hold of their riches, then disposes of the old men in such a fashion that would simulate an accident or natural occurrence, like disease for example. She also has some sense of self preservation, as she uses and manipulates her suitors who fell head over heels over her to do her bidding. Now, Ms. Arky, let me hear one last scream of pain from you!"
"grr...Grrr.GRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
So that's what a breakdown looks like. Suddenly a very beautiful woman turned into a feral beast, with her pupils dilated, hair grizzled, teeth gnashing and mouth foaming, and veins in her temple, neck and arms sticking out.
"Y-you...you worthless, good for nothing prosecutor, who do you think you are?! How dare you meddle with my plans!! If it takes all my life, I'll get even with you, you cunning fiend!!"
"I prefer 'cunning fiend' over 'meanie', sounds more badass to me" I said, yawning "hey, pass over the pizza, Gummy!!"
"And you!! I trusted you to get me off the hook, and this is what you give me?! Some Ace Attorney you are!! You're nothing but a cheap, worthless, imbecile of a lawyer who can't defend a lick!!"
"She's about to burst into tears!!" Widget exclaimed
This has gone far enough. I have to step in
"I'll serve you as I served many before you!!"
"That's for making fun of my heterochromia, bitch" I whispered into her ear
"W-wha? H-how did you...urghh"
I was able to give Ann a debilitating punch to the gut before she can get a good aim at Athena, causing her to miss entirely.
"Mr. Fitzgerald, what happened to Miss Arky?"
"She's being carried to prison, as we speak. If she tries to attack again, I'll make sure she doesn't wake up the next time I hit her." I said "Athena, are you all right?"
"I-I guess so"
"I guess it's time I hand down my verdict. This court finds the defendant, Ann Arky
So the prosecution also gets confetti. I totally didn't expect that
Date: June 16, 2029
Time: 3:24 pm
Defendant lobby no. 2
"Athena!!" I said, running towards her "Are you sure you're not hurt?"
"I...I lost..." she muttered, "And I almost got killed..."
"The only one who lost out here was Ann Arky. We both won by proving her guilt."
"But I failed to defend her...I lost the trial..."
"The courtroom isn't a battleground between the prosecution and the defense, rather, it is a venue in which we prosecutors and defense attorneys work hand in hand in order to achieve a common goal, which is the truth. Always keep this axiom of mine in your mind: all the greatest lawyers I know does the same also"
"T-thank you, Mr. Fitzgerald!"
"You look better when you're smiling." I said.
All right, time for the big question
"Say, Athena, do you know where I live?"
"No, why?"
"Same here"
"W-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"
That was one heck of an experience, to prosecute in court and to go up against a member of the legendary Wright & Co. Law Offices, and having to ask someone a very stupid question which I really needed to ask. I still don't know how I ended up here, but I have a hunch...
(ch.2 Turnabout Professor soon)