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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Trucy cosplaying Edgeworth

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Location: San Francisco, Japanifornia

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Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2018 2:57 am

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Found some Sporkable fics for y’all!

Dahlia version of the Gant fic

“The most mindfucking fic you will ever read”

Out of character Edgeworth short fic!

A Kink Meme Fill Collection. Oh lord.
One lingering thought fills my mind, burdening me with anxiety...
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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White Night

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First one's been put here multiple times and third one's a little short, but those other two are, uh, something.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Trucy cosplaying Edgeworth

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Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2018 2:57 am

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Looks like I have to abandon ship (pun intended) on the Larry/Nick fic, because the kink meme needs to be sporked so badly. I officially call dibs.
One lingering thought fills my mind, burdening me with anxiety...
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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White Night

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Yeah, sure. I still have my own sporking series to finish so I'm fine with anyone else taking it.

Speaking of which, I know it's been a while but maybe expect one of those this October or so. Not saying that I have it ready yet but it's just my estimation so far.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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The Bulbasaur Attorney

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Hi, I've been lurking on this thread a bit lately, and while I'm not really planning on sporking anything; I do have a suggestion.

I dug up this fic earlier: It's well written, but...that's about it.
<insert witty signature here>
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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White Night

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Eh, it's alright. My main problems are with Gumshoe suddenly being a waiter and Maya suddenly acting even more like a child than in the games.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Location: Germany

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Fri Jul 08, 2011 1:42 pm

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Phosphate was so kind as to offer one of their own fics to me so I can have something to present here after my long break.
Note: The following disclaimer was either added later, or I did simply not see it at the time.
Disclaimer : I do not endorse the actions of anyone in this fic. Especially not PW. Asking out someone at work is Not Good.

TODAY'S SPORK: Yes, indeed, Ace Attorney has a coffee shop AU. Or at least the trailer.

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit:
It's not too bad, but it does have a few flaws here and there.

Our sporker today is:
-Maya Fey
Maya: Alone? Nobody else?

Not today. It's only a short fic.

Maya: Aw...well, I hope it's a good one.

(Our theater doors open to a room too big and too empty for just a single person. With a slight eyeroll towards the security guarding the doors, our sporker wanders in and takes a seat.)
Title: Phoenix Wright: Ace Barista
By: PhosphorousLaw
Your name is Phoenix Wright and trying to get coffee has never been harder than today.

Maya: One of those second-person fics. Sure, I'm in the mood for some roleplaying.
Because today, the cute barista you had been eyeing each time you came in is the one serving you coffee. Normally, an old guy named Winston is your barista, but this cute one doesn’t know your order. And you can’t help yourself.

“Medium coffee with cream and 7 sugars. And your number.”

Maya: *snerks* If that's how Nick flirts, it's no wonder he's still single. But, um... *thinks* ...he probably shouldn't flirt with the barista on duty, anyway. It kinda puts him in an awkward position. I mean, I know Nick won't cause a scene if he rejects him, but the barista doesn't know that. And he doesn't know he'd still get tipped. And his boss might not allow him to stand up against a customer if they did cause a scene. Hmm...suddenly, it doesn't feel so funny anymore.
His face doesn’t move at all in response. He just holds a resting grumpy face that you find oh so pretty. “Yes, sir. And no, absolutely not.” He leaves to bustle behind the counter, making your coffee and you notice as he goes that he has a great tush too.

Maya: Okay, Sis would whack him over the head right now if she saw him ogling someone's butt like that. Especially after they already said they aren't interested.
Next to you, someone orders from Winston, who smiles and taps his glasses as he takes it. When the cute barista comes back, you notice his only his last name is on his badge.

Maya: Everyone's got badges now. Lawyer badges, police badges, barista badges. Where's my spirit medium badge? I want one, too!
It says ‘Mr. Edgeworth’, no first name or anything.

Maya: I guess they only had enough space for his first name or gender. It's a tough choice.
“It’s almost done, feel free to sit down.” The lively words don’t reach his voice, and it’s obvious he’s speaking from a script. “Name?”

“Yours first, ‘Mr. Edgeworth’.” You place your fists on your hips, smiling in a triumphant way.

He sighs. “NAME?” It’s practically a Batman whisper-shout, dark and menacing.

Maya: You know, he does always have a hard time getting the names of his witnesses, doesn't he? You'd think he'd have a few tricks to get around that by now.
You yelp and jump, knocking into a different barista, a blonde one, delivering a drink to a customer, knocking the drink into the air. You lunge to grab it, but it doesn’t come down. The barista who was carrying it swirls it over your head, speaking to Edgeworth. “Bullying another customer, Herr Edgeworth?”

Maya: His badge says "Mr." Edgeworth. Blonde barista needs to learn to read.
Edgeworth grunts and bustles behind the counter again. You pick yourself up and dust off, embarrassed. Everyone must’ve seen you make a fool of yourself.


Maya: Did the fic just pay for my coffee? ...No, wait, it's just three yen. That's not even enough for a sugar cube.
Your name is Miles Edgeworth

Maya: Huh? But I thought my name was Phoenix Wright! Am I having an identity crisis?
not that you’re going to tell the admittedly cute but infuriatingly flirty customer that. Getting chastised by Klavier of all people isn’t helping your stormcloud of a mood. He’s almost worse at customer service than you are, what with his flirting and his German. Somehow he swings it, unlike your brooding nature.

The customer, who still hasn’t told you his name, stands up from a lunge to grab spilled coffee, smiling sheepishly. “My name’s Phoenix. P-H-O-E-N-I-X.”

You pointedly ignore the spelling and write ‘Feenie’ on the cup. You hand it to him and that’s almost the end of it, but he looks almost like a kicked puppy, and you’ve always been partial to dogs.

Maya: Hey kids! When your embarrassing attempts at flirting don't get you anywhere, become a furry!
“My name’s Miles.” Your hands touch as he grabs the cup and he blushes. You watch him as he leaves, practically running, but leaping occasionally to give a whoop. He’s going to spill his coffee that way, but you have a feeling he’s not going to mind.


Maya: Well, at least the fic tries to pay for that coffee, because Nick sure as hell didn't.
A few days later…

You’ve been seeing him around the coffee shop, but Winston’s gone back to being your regular. Miles. What a pretty name. When you arrived today though, he’s there, typical scowl on his face. “Medium coffee, with cream and seven sugars,” you recite, grinning at him.

Maya: You know, he's being kinda rude here. He could say "please". He always makes me say it!
Some time passes, but when he calls ‘Feenie’, you know it’s you and go to the counter. You bring your game this time and make a show of checking all your pockets and your briefcase before saying “Shoot, I lost my number! Can I have yours?”

Maya: *cringes slightly* Ugh. That line is older and cheesier than that disgusting piece of camembert in the fridge!
He returns with stony silence. But eventually, he grabs the pen back and writes his number on your cup. You are momentarily close as he passes it to you and he says “Tell no one.” And that’s the first time you see Edgeworth smile, even if if is a sort of smirk.

Maya: ... ... ...Wait, is that the end of the fic? Where's the rest?

Speakers: We believe the rest is supposed to happen in your imagination.

Maya: That's bad writing! You can't just make your readers tell the rest of the fic for you. Just imagine if fan artists were like that: "Here's the head, now go draw the rest yourself". That's called a tease. You're a tease!

Speakers: Are you seriously demanding a longer fanfic?

Maya: Um...yes? I think? Is the snack bar still open?

(And so, with a deep sigh from our management, ends one fic, hopefully soon to be followed by another...)
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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White Night

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This one was pretty short to read, admittedly :p You surprisingly pulled off one sporker really well but I still do think that even having one other person there would've made it feel less empty- the sporking kind of feels more like awkward soliloquy than a flowing conversation, though it's still done pretty well. Also, it's 'smirk', not snerk, I'm pretty sure.

In regards to the fic, it's more of a one Sahwit fic for me. I was mostly confused because I thought Edgeworth was supposed to be a woman at first due to the ambiguous wording but yeah. Misleading title as well, Phoenix isn't even a barista in the fic. But yeah, nice to see your grand return, Pessimistic :p
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Gender: Female

Location: Germany

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Fri Jul 08, 2011 1:42 pm

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Hey, thanks for the feedback. :)
I usually do prefer having several sporkers, and will certainly go back to having a few in my next attempt.
I also will try to avoid less-than-common slang words, but for what it's worth:
(I freely admit I'm not the greatest at rating fics, or anything, really. I tend to find some things more egregious than most people, and have a higher tolerance for others. So I'm afraid this part is not something I'll be able to improve on any time soon. It's best to take any numbers I may put on something with a grain of salt.)
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Trucy cosplaying Edgeworth

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Thanks again, Fool, for turning my trash into something enjoyable.

My second sporking! Wheee! I hope you enjoy it. If you didn’t, let me know! I’m always looking to improve! This is the first part of a series because I’m going to start linking my sporkings together. Expect the next one some time in November!

The Management Saga: Sporking the First

In which The Management is even more sinister than we thought, Edgeworth has a surprisingly good memory, and Kay is great at her job.

Title: Is Edgeworth Gay?: The Trial by TheJadeGrenade

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: It’s not nearly as clever or funny as it thinks it is.

Without any further ado, the management presents...

:kay: Kay Faraday!
Even on the darkest day, when other birds just fly away, one alone soars to shine the light of silliness on the theater’s blight! And that bird is me! For I am the Great Sporker, Yatagarasu!

:phoenix: Phoenix Wright!
What can I say that hasn’t been said?

:edgeworth: Miles Edgeworth!
I feel as though there’s something rather important I’m forgetting…

[Fade in on the sporking theater, where Kay Faraday is shoving countless packets of Swiss rolls into her bag]

Speakers: Oi! Leave some for me!

Kay: Why’d you put out my favorite snack if you didn’t want me to steal it?

Speakers: Because I thought you could be cool about it for the time it took for us to teleport in Wright and Edgeworth!

Kay: Mr. Edgeworth’s coming?

Speakers: He should be here in 3 lines.

Kay: I thought you people had a rule against breaking the fourth wall, no matter who does it!

Speakers: I’m the management, the rules don’t apply to me. Besides, the rules won’t be as strictly enforced this Sporking

[Edgeworth and Phoenix are teleported in.]

Phoenix: Oh, hello, Kay.

Edgeworth: Greetings Kay, Wright. What are we sporking today?

Speakers: It’s called ‘Is Edgeworth Gay?: The Trial’.

Edgeworth: …

Speakers: Hey, I didn’t write it. Anyway, it’s ready, go get in the theater proper.

[The sporkers enter the theater proper and sit down together.]

Speakers: Roll fic!
Everyone's stands are mixed up? Phoenix Wright is a witness now, but isn't guilty? They're actually going to use Courtroom 8? Does Miles Edgeworth is gay?
And to think, the judge let them do this trial...

Phoenix: Not all the witnesses are guilty! (Just most of them.)

Kay: Lazy use of a meme there, author.

Edgeworth: I doubt His Honor would in fact, actually allow it, being gay isn’t a crime. Not in this country at least. In any case, what evidence could there be other than… (Stop there, Miles, you’ve backed yourself into a corner.)

Kay: Other than what?

Phoenix: I think that pause means you’re too young to know.

Kay: I’m 17 last time I checked!

Phoenix: (...Last time you checked?!)
inspired by a daydream and attorney online improv cases

Edgeworth: Of course, a daydream is a perfect basis for a story. It isn’t as if these things need planning and research.

Speakers: Not even your games are researched, why do you expect derivatives to be?

Edgeworth: Because I appreciate quality, unlike you people.

Speakers: *brightly* You wound me, Edgeworth!

Edgeworth: Good.
this trial was planned

Kay: Was it really? You just said it was based on a daydream!
This hadn't happened before.
The courtroom was left open, but Mr. Your Honor Judge was in there, for whatever reason. There wasn't a planned trial, not too much anyone's knowing.

Kay: I can’t understand what that last sentence is trying to say.

Edgeworth: I believe it is attempting, however haphazardly, to say that not many people knew about this trial.

Phoenix: *thoughtful* I’m almost certain our judge’s name isn’t Mr. Your Honor Judge.

Speakers: But you can’t be truly sure, can you?

Phoenix: Is it just me, or is the management a little more hands-on today?

Kay: *frowning, crossed arms* It is not just you, Wright.

Edgeworth: Kay, return me my line.

Kay: Here ya go!

Edgeworth: Thank you.

Phoenix: (...I will never get used to the two of them.)
Until a few people came in.
First in were Sebastian Debeste and Kay Faraday. Of course, they sat where they did normally.

Kay: The courtroom has seats?! Behind the prosecution bench?!
Then entered Apollo Justice and Trucy Wright. And then.. Apollo stood on the prosecution side? What?

Edgeworth: “What?” indeed, he certainly is not qualified to be a prosecutor.

Phoenix: You weren’t qualified to be a defense attorney either, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: That was a special circumstance! Not some mockery of an unplanned trial!

Phoenix: So would you say this fic is a “mock” trial?

All but Phoenix: *groaning*

Phoenix: (I thought that one was okay!)
So there they were, just waiting for the defense...
Franziska von Karma entered the courtroom and was now on the defense side.
And then Dick Gumshoe was also on the defense side. What was even happening?

Phoenix: This fic just went from barely plausible to impossible.

Edgeworth: Agreed, Franziska would never defend anyone, not even myself, as of course, I am the defendant here.
And so entered the defendant, Miles Edgeworth. He didn't know what was going on. "What is going on here? What could I have been accused of?"
Everyone stared at him in silence.

Phoenix: Oh the suspense.

Edgeworth: (I’m getting a sense of deja vu…)
The judge ended it. "You have been accused of being gay."

Edgeworth: Which, again, is not a crime! It has not been a crime in this country since 2003, at the very latest!

Phoenix: How do you just know that off of the top of your head?

Edgeworth: I actually studied my law books, instead of allowing them to intimidate me.
Edgeworth pulled back in shock. "What? That is... Why would you need a trial about it?" "So everyone can finally know the answer... Does Miles Edgeworth is gay?"

Kay: This rumor is really much talked by people even by a person of his fans!

Edgeworth: Kay, please don’t. I’m already developing a migraine from the sheer inanity of this fic, do not add to it.

Kay: Sorry, Mr. Edgeworth.
How could anyone even ask that?
Well, the author did. This is going to be a long session of bad writing.

Kay: Have some pride, author! Admitting to bad writing is a surefire way to be a bad writer!

[The lights come up, surprising our sporkers]

Phoenix: Is it done already?

Speakers: Nope, this is just a small reprieve. One of several, in fact.

Kay: Does that mean I can go to the snack bar? They were still Swiss Rolls left!

Speakers: Go ahead, Faraday.

[Kay does so, leaving Phoenix and Edgeworth alone]

Phoenix: So if this trial is supposed to find out whether you’re gay or not, why is Franziska on the defense team?

Edgeworth: I don’t know, Wright, and I dislike your insinuation.

Phoenix: I know you’re not gay, but I’m pretty darn sure fic-you is. Otherwise, it’d be a pretty boring end to the fic.

Edgeworth: Thank you for not associating me with the fans’ assumptions. I will say, it is odd that Kay appears to know something Franziska doesn’t, judging by her position on the prosecution side.

[Kay returns]

Kay: Did I miss anything?

Edgeworth, Phoenix: No.

[The lights darken]

Speakers: Part 2, go!
Trial Start!

Edgeworth: Oh how I wish it wouldn’t.
Chapter Summary
And the trial of Miles Edgeworth's gayness begins... with an interesting witness.

Phoenix: It’s me, isn’t it? It has to be me. It was talked about in the summary, there’s no use hiding it now!
After all the confusion had been dealt with, the trial started.
"Court is now in session," said Judge.

Edgeworth: The Judge. His Honor would work as well.

Phoenix: Working double time since Franziska isn’t here?

Kay: He absolutely is!

Edgeworth: Kay!
"Would the prosecution please give their opening statement?"
Then Sebastian and Apollo... did a few rounds of rock-paper-scissors to see who would deliver it. Why wasn't the judge penalizing this?

Phoenix: I don’t know, he’s penalized me for less.

Edgeworth: Think carefully Wright, has he?

Phoenix: Look, forgetting my own name didn’t really make it easy for me to win a case!

Speakers: Y’all live really weird lives.

Edgeworth, Phoenix: (Y’all?)
The courtroom was in awkward silence for a little until Prosecutor Debeste spoke up.
"...We don't have an opening statement for this, Your Honor. This was an ongoing thing, so we didn't have a time or anything like that really."

Kay: Sebastian Debeste doesn’t speak like that!

Edgeworth: Not having an opening statement makes him seem like even more of an amateur than he actually is.
The judge seemed to expect this, so the trial went on. "Your first witness, prosecution?"
"The prosecution calls Phoenix Wright to the stand!" Apollo boldly shouted, although, it probably wasn't a good time for that.

Phoenix: Oh goody, what do I win for predicting something that was outlined in the summary?

Kay: A Swiss Roll? *proffers one to Phoenix*

Phoenix: *takes it* Just how many did you grab?

Kay: About two dozen. There’s none left.

Speakers: *deep sigh* That’s coming out of my paycheck…

Phoenix: (The management gets paid?)
Phoenix Wright did go up to the stand, his spiked hair looking ever like Sonic The Hedgehog.

Phoenix: Why does everyone compare me to Sonic? We don’t look that much alike!

Kay: You kinda do, though.

Edgeworth: You are both blue and spiky, it is not a difficult leap to make.
"Witness, your name and occupation?"
"Phoenix Wright, ace attorney."

All: *facepalm*
"Did you just do a title drop?!?" everyone in the courtroom yelled in unison.
"Yes, yes I did."

Edgeworth: The entire courtroom yelling in unison is quite impressive.

Phoenix: Impressively damages my hearing too.

Edgeworth: You associate with Apollo Justice, I believe your hearing is as damaged as it ever will be.

Phoenix: (He isn’t exactly wrong.)
"Ahem..." Sebastian ahemed.

Edgeworth: ‘Ahemed’ not a verb!

Kay: See, he totally is filling in for Ms. von Karma!
"Could you please testify about Miles Edgeworth's gayness?"
" ~Miles Edgeworth Is Edgy~ " displayed the title.

Kay: Objection! If anyone’s edgy around here it’s me!

Phoenix: Kay, exactly how are you edgy?

Kay: *counting off on her fingers* I’m an anti-hero, I’m a thief, I’ve got a tragic backstory, a missing father, and an arch nemesis.

Phoenix: …Are you okay?

Kay: I’m always ‘kay!
Then "Cross Testimony" popped up. Both at once?

Edgeworth knew he may be the only sane one here, and lied his head down on the desk in front of him. This was going to be a long trial.

Edgeworth: Even then, fic-me allowing this to happen doesn’t make him sane by any means. He could just leave.

[Lights up again, but the sporkers don’t leave their seats.]

Kay: This fic sure has short chapters, huh?

Speakers: Yep, the last fic I managed didn’t have chapters at all.

Edgeworth: (Last fic… “Y'all”… something I’m forgetting… deja vu…) EUREKA!

All but Edgeworth: ?

Edgeworth: You’re the management from Manfred von Karma’s Gender Adventure! You promised I would not return for your next sporking!

Speakers: What the hell?! It’s been almost 10 years for you!

Edgeworth: *smug* I don’t forget promises made to me so easily. *finger point* In fact, you said that no one from that sporking would return, but yet here I am! *close up, speed lines* THE ONLY ONE YOU ACTUALLY PROMISED TO SPARE!

Speakers: Gah! *enormous penalty noise*

Phoenix: … Did the management just receive a penalty?

[While the sporkers process that information, the next segment of the fic starts.]
You Have The Wright To Remain Silent

All but Phoenix: *groaning*
Chapter Summary
Edgy can't chill.

Edgeworth: That’s not my name.

Speakers: …

Kay: Are you okay, management? Do you need a continue button?

Speakers: My Integrity Bar… almost gone.

Phoenix: Kay, I think we should leave them alone for now.
So, the cross testimony began.

"I've known Miles since we were in grade school. He defended me that one time and we became friends, but he was clearly a tsundere toward me," Phoenix said rather calmly.

Edgeworth: Fic-you seems to think we are closer than we actually are.

Phoenix: What’s a tsundere? It sounds familiar, but I can’t remember what it means.

Edgeworth: It’s—

Kay: —It’s when someone’s hot and cold with a romantic partner! Like when you compliment them, they’re sweet and flustered, but when you just talk to them, they insult you.

Phoenix: ...So nothing like Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Exactly.
"HOLD IT!" said Edgeworth from the defendant's stand. "Wh-what makes you said that, baka?"

Edgeworth: I have never spoken like that, and that is an improper use of the word ‘baka’. Either speak entirely English or entirely Japanese, don’t mix them unless you’re sure your audience knows both languages or you provide a translation.

Phoenix: Baka means idiot, right?

Edgeworth: That is how it is usually translated, but it technically means fool.

Kay: Both in fic and out of it, Mr. Edgeworth’s becoming more like Ms. von Karma all the time!
"My point stands. He's still a tsundere for me."
"And where is your proof?"
"Two words. Unnecessary. Feelings."
Edgeworth looked as if he was about to yell something objectionish, but then Judge Judge slammed his gavel.

Edgeworth: Defendants aren’t supposed to object, that is the job of the defense team. And that defense team seems to be doing a poor job of it, judging by their lack of action any time before now.

Phoenix: I can see why the prosecution called fic-me up first, by the logic of the fic, I’m a pretty decisive witness.

Kay: Judge Judge, I’m Moon Moon, nice to meet you!
"Order in the court! You are not prosecuting this case, Mr. Edgeworth, you have the right to remain silent!"

Then Miles did that one sad looking side look thing, and Phoenix said, "Don't you mean the WRIGHT to remain silent, Your Honor?"

Phoenix: I don’t try to make puns out of everything that could reasonably contain my name! Especially not during a trial.

Edgeworth: Of course this fic suddenly decides it’s on first-name terms with me, right before a horrible pun.
"That pun was unneeded, Mr. Wright. Now please, continue your testimony."
"Also, the fact that he isn't stopping me from calling him Miles still stands. Also, he's fanboyed at me about Steel Samurai, and his ships..."

Edgeworth: I-I have never ‘fanboyed’ in my life! And what about my ships? Not that I have any. *small penalty*

Kay: *munches a Swiss Roll* You really seemed to enjoy the stage show. Of course, it wasn’t as awesome as the Jammin’ Ninja’s!

Phoenix: (They didn’t cancel that show when Juan Corrida died?)
"Objection!" called out Franz. "How does shipping make you gay?"

Edgeworth: Finally, the defense team is doing their job. At least, I believe that’s the defense team. It appears not to be Franziska, but some man named ‘Franz’.

Kay: In a bad Franziska cosplay.

Phoenix: …Is his whip made of licorice?

Kay: Objection! Mr. Edgeworth is not a fangirl, therefore your point is invalid, Franz!

Edgeworth: Whose side are you on, Kay?

Kay: The side of truth, Mr. Edgeworth! The side of truth!

Phoenix: I’m on the side of this fic not using any more caps lock.
The Judge had to slam his gavel again.
"Order! If I knew this would have gotten this intense over Edgeworth's gayness, I would have never agreed to this... This is worse than Turnabout Big Top!"
"was that case even bad?" called out some reader.

Speakers: Yes.

Phoenix: (Well at least it sounds like they’re not dead.)
"We're taking a thirty minute recess."

Kay: Aha, another plot point from the summary!

Phoenix: “Team Magic-Hair-That-Can-Move-On-Its-Own”? He means him and Apollo, right?

Edgeworth: I believe so. Possibly also Kay, since she’s also on the prosecution side.

Kay: I haven’t talked at all yet, what’s up with that?

Phoenix: Maybe the author forgot you were there?

Edgeworth: Perhaps you escaped like you sometimes do from this theater?

Kay: I wish I could do that now, but I can’t abandon you guys!

Edgeworth: … Thank you, Kay.
"But nobody's ever used that courtroom in a long time! What if-"
Sebastian pointed with his baton and they all moved there, while the Judge facepalmed and decided that it was futile to resist. This was going to be a long day.

Edgeworth: It already has been a long day.

Speakers: *muffled noises and a scream*

[Lights up once more]

Speakers: The Management would like to inform the sporkers that there is only one chapter left.

Phoenix: (Suddenly, all the joy is gone from their voice.)

Kay: Are you sure you’re okay, management?

Speakers: Yes, The Management was simply reminded that impartiality and integrity are our watchwords. We are truly The Management now. Here is the last chapter.

[With Kay looking concerned, the last portion of the fic starts]
The Commercial Break

Kay: This fic brought to you by… The Sporking Theater! For all your torture needs!

Speakers: …

Kay: They didn’t even get offended… I think you broke the Management, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Normally, I would express no sympathy, but this Management is generally much more well-meaning than others. Though they did break a promise, they do not deserve to be stripped of their identity.

Speakers: Identity? We are The Management.

All: …

Phoenix: (I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared of the Management. A personality, gone, just like that.)
Chapter Summary
The lobbies are wayyyy too crowded now.

The doors of Courtroom 8 burst open with the intensity of that one thing Franz does sometimes... And there's a trial. Everyone awkwardly walks out.

Phoenix: Wait, so there was a trial going on? Couldn’t they tell by the guards posted to the doors of the lobbies?

"Well, if we can't have the trial, what can we do?" said the apple juice.

Kay: Whoa, where’d that apple juice come from?

Phoenix: (It looks like a muppet.)

Edgeworth: It’s likely supposed to be Apollo Justice, but I appreciate this version far more.
Everyone sat there in silence.
Everyone turned around to see Edgeworth (who didn't have handcuffs, because being gay is not a crime) pointing at... Something.

Edgeworth: Even the fic knows it’s not a crime! Then why even—? *takes a deep breath and releases it* It’s pointless to question it.
"Why did we even have this trial? I'll tell you when I'm ready!"
"Wait... So... You are gay?" said Debeste at realizing things from statements.

Phoenix: “At realizing things from statements”? What kind of descriptor is that?

Edgeworth: An unclear and unintelligent one.
Then the camera did the thing where it looked around at everyone's shocked faces.

Edgeworth: How very meta.
Sebastian got his baton and pointed and Edgelord. "MILES EDGEWORTH DOES IS GAY!"

Kay: And Edgelord what? I’m suddenly very invested in this Edgelord!
Kay started playing Announce The Truth 2002 because that version is Debeste, but it was just an opinion, so then Trucy changed it to whatever Announce The Truth it was for the year this trial took place in.

Kay: Look! I’m finally in this thing!

Edgeworth: Only playing a song that is quickly changed by Trucy.

Kay: Well, at least I’m in it.
Edgeworth pulled back in shock as he always did. "That..." "Is correct?"
Edgeworth sighed and said, "I was going to better prepare myself to tell some of you, but then you had to go and have this trial!"
"I've already told a few people..."
"Which is why I was defending him!" Franziska exclaimed.
"Why did you even get involved in this trial?" Edge asked.
"So you wouldn't go and reveal whatever you foolishly decided to keep from everyone so long that they would have a trial! It was foolish, but I have to respect that you want to keep it from people..."

Edgeworth: This makes no sense whatsoever. If she thought it was foolish, then why did she respect my decision?
And so the trialish thing came to an end, and everyone got burgers.

Edgeworth: What an unceremonious ending.
"Please let this be a normal trial..." "With these attorneys?"
"No way!"

Cruising through the courtroom, you're relaxed and feeling good, next thing that you know your seeing
An updated autopsy report?

Phoenix: Edgeworth as Arnold? Really?

Kay: I think it fits, he’s usually the sane one.

Phoenix: Kay, Arnold’s a quivering mess. Nothing at all like Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: But at least Arnold has the right idea, being against what trips the Magic School Bus takes, it’s child endangerment.

Kay: No one ever actually gets hurt, though.

Phoenix: They’re usually transformed into something without their consent, which I think counts. Right, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Correct, though transformation is not a likely occurrence in the real world, a judge would be hard pressed to find Ms. Frizzle not guilty.

Speakers: The Management would like to inform the sporkers that this tangent has gone on too long.

Kay: Don’t blame us, blame the fic!
Chapter End Notes
So that was a crackly thing of... Crack. Hope you enjoyed. I would've implied some other ships, but I let my mind lead and it led me here.

Edgeworth: You’ve implied more than enough ships, author.

Kay: One is more than enough?

Edgeworth: When it concerns Wright and me, yes.

[The lights come up one final time for this fic. The sporkers get ready to leave.]

Kay: Do you think this management might turn back to normal?

Edgeworth: I haven’t the faintest idea whether they will, Kay. But I hope, for our sake and theirs, that they do.

Speakers: The Management would like to inform the Sporkers thatHelp me!speculation about the workings of the Sporking Theater is strictly *like a robot malfunctioning* pro-pro-pro-pro- *flatly* not allowed.

Phoenix: I don’t like the sound of that…

[Phoenix pulls Edgeworth to the teleporter, looking worried. They are swiftly teleported out.]

Kay: *briefly looks sad, then brightens up* I’ll save you, management, I’ll steal you back! I swear on my honor as the Great Yatagarasu!

[Kay somehow makes a rope ladder appear, climbs it, then disappears.]

Speakers: *sob*The Management wishes all readers a nice day.

[... Join us next time for something completely different! I hope.]

Last edited by PhosphorousLaw on Wed Oct 31, 2018 6:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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White Night

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Whoa, two sporkings in one day. Nice XD

I really liked this sporking overall too. Had a lot of funny moments, and I loved 'mock trial' as a joke. Overall just very well written, not much to say other than that but it really was great.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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@Phosphate: I already commented on most of your spork, but...
Phoenix: …Is his whip made of licorice?

Is this new, or did I forget it between all the other funny bits? Either way, the mental image of the cheap Franziska cosplay is hilarious! XD

Man, I wish I could have grown up with Mahic School Bus. I feel like I missed out on something there.

Poor management at the end. You know it's bad when even your hosta-I mean sporkers feel for you.
I'm really curious how this is going to continue.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Trucy cosplaying Edgeworth

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Yes, that is a new quip! I'm glad you liked it!

I really don't know how it's going to continue. That's really up to Kay.

So glad you thought it was good!

Addendum: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=32901 My OC sporking if anyone's interested
One lingering thought fills my mind, burdening me with anxiety...
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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TODAY'S SPORK: We're seeing double...or triple...or...eight...ple. Um.
Anyway: I found this fic because of its interesting title, and it turned out to be written by Airey.

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
Three salted Sahwits. I really like the idea to this story, but the execution seems rushed. Or maybe it was meant to be a parody? Hard to tell.

Our sporkers today are:
-Miles Edgeworth
Edgeworth: Do we really still need these introductions?

-Franziska von Karma
Franziska: This theater is still in operation? I am...well, not impressed, but surprised.

-Kay Faraday
Kay: Yep. Hey, Management! You need to refill that snack bar! And stop stocking up on that stevia soda. Nobody wants to drink that stuff.

(The doors open and our sporkers take their seats, in the front row this time. The lights turn off and the title screen comes up.)
An Abundance of Edgeworths
By: "Sith Droideka"

Edgeworth: ...And what are those suspicious quotation marks trying to tell us?
By: [Management]

Edgeworth: !

Franziska: *already losing her patience* What's this? Are you trying to get us to proofread your own mindless scribble now?
By: [A different member of the Management]

Franziska: That excuses nothing! If you stopped wasting precious time on this nonsense and actually made something of your life, maybe you could afford a proper beta reader.
April 14, 6:00 PM, Miles Edgeworth's House
The last thing Phoenix Wright expected was to be invited, out of blue and somewhat desperately, to Edgeworth's house.
Which meant, of course, that arriving there and being greeted by eight different Edgeworths hadn't even made the list.

Edgeworth: Ten seconds in, this fic has already lost me.
"What?" Phoenix said, standing in Edgeworth's doorway with his jaw hanging open.
"Shut up," Edgeworth - the normal Edgeworth, Phoenix assumed, since there were only three that looked (or at least dressed) like the Edgeworth he was used to - growled, clearly at his wits' end, "just shut up and come inside before someone sees."
Deciding it was best not to push his luck, Phoenix obediently stepped inside and shut the door behind them. All of the Edgeworths began talking at once. There was a short, 9-year-old Edgeworth wearing a bowtie; a roughly-teenaged-looking Edgeworth wearing the jacket that Phoenix was more used to seeing in a frame in Edgeworth's office than on a person; an Edgeworth who looked very much the same as the one who had just been telling him to shut up, except there was coldness in his eyes and predation in his movements;

Kay: I guess that one's the evil clone. Or evil experiment. Maybe it's a "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" fic? Or "The Seven Beauties and the Beast".

Franziska: Whatever he is, he'd better learn to carry himself like a civilized person before somebody locks him away in a cage and sells him to the zoo.
there was an Edgeworth wearing a dark blue trenchcoat and scarf who looked a little depressed; there was the Edgeworth Phoenix was used to, who, as stated, was probably the most fed up with the whole situation, which was saying a lot; there was an Edgeworth who wore glasses and lines on his face and amusement in his features; a female Edgeworth who appeared to be identical to the usual Edgeworth apart from gender; and finally there was an Edgeworth who was virtually indistinguishable from normal Edgeworth and extra haughty Edgeworth except for the mischievous softness in the way he looked at Phoenix. Honestly, the last one was a little… uncomfortable….

Kay: Oh, I know what's happening here. We're in the mind of a fangirl! See, those are all your different versions from the fics and AUs she's made up. The genderbend is a dead giveaway.

Franziska: That could make sense. We all know the fic writers are obsessed with him, for whatever reason.

Edgeworth: I think they're more obsessed with watching me suffer. Are we going to hear a tragic background story for each of those alternate versions of myself?
"Sorry, but could you all just talk one at a time?" Phoenix said, a little overwhelmed.
There was a little pause before the oldest Edgeworth (hereafter referred to as Glassesworth, in Phoenix's mind) said calmly, "I suppose you must be wondering why there's eight of us."
Phoenix gave him his best "no, really" look, but Glassesworth took it so much in stride that it actually irritated Phoenix. For a moment he considered the possibility that this was some elaborate joke, but normal Edgeworth wouldn't have called him over unless he were in on the joke, which was not only out of character but also unlikely considering how exhausted he looked.

Franziska: Well. Since we are here to review the Management's writing skills...

Edgeworth: (She just won't let it go.)

Franziska: ...Let me point out the flaw in your logic just now. Your proof for this situation not being a joke is that the original Miles Edgeworth would not have called if it were. However! *readies her whip* How would he know it to be a joke if he weren't in on it? *whip-crack* Why would he not call if he did know? *whip-crack* And who is to say it was him in the first place? One of the alternate versions could have easily picked up the phone and dialed Phoenix Wright's number! *whip-crack* *whip-crack* *whip-crack*
"He said it had something to do with some magic trick your daughter was working on," little kid Edgeworth (hereafter referred to as Mini Miles, even if Phoenix hadn't called Edgeworth "Miles" at any point in his life - he just liked the alliteration) said, pointing at Glassesworth.

Edgeworth: Actually, much like anybody else, I did not always go by my last name. I don't know why this author would assume otherwise.

Kay: Maybe they thought you guys only met as lawyers. I guess some writers know more about you than others.
"…I don't have a daughter," Phoenix said.
"You will," Glassesworth said, "and I said it might have something to do with it. Personally, I don't think it's very likely, but I don't see how else…"
"It doesn't matter how we all got here," extra-ruffly 20-ish-year-old Edgeworth (hereafter referred to as Bratworth - thanks, Mia) snapped, "what we need to do now is figure out how to get back to our own respective times and places. I don't see how he can possibly help us with that," he added with a derisive sneer at Phoenix.

Franziska: I take it he's called a brat because he interrupts and refuses to listen when others are talking. *wags her finger* If it was Phoenix Wright's daughter, then obviously a disciplinary action is in order. She may not be able to undo...whatever she did, but could well help figure out the solution.
Ice queen Edgeworth (the Demon Prosecutor, Phoenix thought) appeared to share Bratworth's low opinion of Phoenix.
"What did he ever do to you?" Mini Miles said defensively.
"What didn't he do?" Scarfworth muttered.

Franziska: And who is this? You can't simply throw out new foolish nicknames for your foolish characters and expect your audience to foolishly follow!

Kay: It's the depressed looking one who wears winter clothes indoors. Why is he doing that, anyway? Is he sick? I think they should stay away from him, just to be safe.
"…so," Phoenix said pointedly, "you all came from different points in time? And space, I guess. Or something." All the Edgeworths nodded. "So you-" Phoenix pointed at Mini Miles, "-are in fourth grade, right?"
"Yes," Mini Miles said politely.
"Like that was hard to figure out," Bratworth said, rolling his eyes.
"And you're from when you first started prosecuting," Phoenix said to Bratworth. Bratworth refused to answer, but the other Edgeworths (sans Mini Miles) all nodded.

Kay: Phhhaha! That's who he's supposed to be? I mean...okay, yeah, but...come on, he wasn't that bad. *snickers to herself*

Edgeworth: (Then why does it sound like you're agreeing with it?)
"And you must be," Phoenix said to the Demon Prosecutor, "…the Edgeworth from, um, three years ago - before the resolution of DL-6, right?"

Edgeworth: Yes, because clearly my past self would know exactly when that was going to happen.

Franziska: I'll be generous and not deduct points for this. It could be a flaw in Phoenix Wright's thinking, rather than the author's.
Both Bratworth and the Demon Prosecutor flinched a little at the mention of DL-6, but the other Edgeworths (again, sans Mini Miles) indicated assent.
"You're, uh…" Phoenix pointed at Scarfworth, slightly lost. He had never really seen Edgeworth like that before.
"I believe he's myself from last year," the usual Edgeworth said, pursing his lips severely. I'm probably not supposed to bring up the whole "chooses death" thing in front of Bratworth and Mini Miles, Phoenix guessed.

Franziska: Or rather, you, the author, guessed, as you were apparently talking to yourself in the middle of your fic. *whip-crack* Mark you characters' thoughts properly!
Scarfworth muttered something in what was probably German.
"You're normal," Phoenix declared, pointing at his Edgeworth.
"Yes, thank you," said Edgeworth said sarcastically, "that's nice to know."
"No, I meant, you're from this time… right? This is your house," Phoenix said lamely.

Kay: Wouldn't it technically be the house of most of them? Or at least look like it?

Edgeworth: Perhaps the author thought that I travel a lot more frequently than I do.
"We get it," Glassesworth said with an almost imperceptible smile.
"Yes, I'm the Edgeworth from this time," normal Edgeworth said tiredly, "I woke up in this house this morning - and came downstairs only to find seven different versions of me arguing in my living room."
"Arguing," Phoenix said flatly. He didn't doubt it, frankly, but…
"Yes," Glassesworth sighed, "it seems my younger self does not at all approve of what we turn into."

Franziska: This is a minor mistake, but as there are several younger versions of him in the room, especially from the point of view of this oldest, it needs to be made clear which of them he is referring to.
"It's not what you turned into," the Demon Prosecutor said irritably, "there's nothing at all wrong with being Chief Prosecutor." Phoenix raised his eyebrows.
"Rather, it's who you turned into," Bratworth said, crossing his arms, "someone soft and sentimental-"
"Please," Scarfworth said, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, "do not get into this conversation again."
"Why prosecutor, though?" Mini Miles was asking, "what happened to becoming a great defense attorney like Father?"

Franziska: If they are asking these questions only now, then what did they waste their time arguing about earlier? And if they are all disapproving, then the previous sentence should have been, "It seems my younger selves do not at all approve of what we turn into".
There was another brief pause, during which Phoenix turned to Glassesworth and narrowed his eyes.
"I'm from the future," Glassesworth explained, "about eight or so years. It's good to see you looking so young again."
"Er… sure," Phoenix said, and turned to the genderbent Edgeworth. "Now, I know you can't possibly be from the past or the future or-"
"Obviously," fem-Edgeworth said sardonically, and Phoenix was unsurprised to hear that she sounded a lot like Franziska,

Kay: Oh, so it's not just a genderbend, it's one of those character swap AUs. I wonder who I'd be swapped with.

Edgeworth: My best guess would be Maya.

Kay: Hmm...nah, I don't think so. Purple isn't my color.
"although I believe apart from the fact that you and I are both men in this… time and place, everything is the same."
Phoenix nodded. Edgewoman seemed pretty reasonable, and he wasn't ashamed to privately admit that she was kinda hot.

Franziska: That too seems to be a theme in fanfics.

Kay: But hey, changing the gender is new! *to Edgeworth* Now the real question is: How many of the other yous will fight her for Mr. Wright's heart?

Edgeworth: Let's not jinx it, please. One pairing per fic is more than enough.
He mentally shook himself. I'm missing someone, he thought, and as if that was a cue, the remaining Edgeworth who had so far not said anything put a hand around Phoenix's waist. "Gah!" Phoenix yelped, jumping away from him, "who is-?"
"Gay Edgeworth," all of the other Edgeworths said at the same time.

Edgeworth: *facepalming ever-so-subtly* And there it is...

Kay: Are they hinting at him doing that to someone before? As in, someone in that room? Is he from a selfcest AU? And, that the author's idea of a gay man? Grabbing everything that moves?

Franziska: ... *whip-crack*
"…oh," Phoenix said flatly, "yeah. Okay."
"Problem, Wright?" Flirtworth said, and it sounded halfway between typical Edgeworth fare and straight-up purring.
Phoenix turned to present-day Edgeworth. "Do you have something you need to tell me?" he asked as neutrally as possible. Modern Edgeworth made a face. Glassesworth chuckled ominously.
"We don't have time to talk about your sexuality issues," Bratworth said.
"Meanwhile, you're so repressed a technician couldn't turn you on, you robot," Edgewoman said under her breath. Phoenix snorted. Typical Edgeworth raised an eyebrow at him.
"He does have a point, though," Glassesworth said evenly, "we do have to figure out how to return to our proper times… and wherever you two came from," he added with a nod at Edgewoman and Flirtworth, who was standing a little too close to Phoenix.

Kay: Well, at least he's not grabbing anyone at the moment. But we're right back where we started.

Franziska: Exactly. The last few minutes were entirely unnecessary to the plot, Management! If you must fill out your story, at least make sure that the filler isn't an obvious waste of time! *whip-crack*
"How are we supposed to do that?" Mini Miles said. He honestly sounded like he believed one of the adults might have an answer.
"Good question," Scarfworth said, frowning.
"Listen," Phoenix said, grabbing his Edgeworth's shoulder while the other Edgeworths discussed this amongst themselves, "I get that this is ridiculous, but why did you have to call me here?"

Franziska: Here you are repeating yourself again! This point has already been made! I will not explain it a second time! *whip-crack*
Normal Edgeworth sighed deeply. "I'm at the end of my rope, Wright. I have no idea what to do."
"Neither do I."
Edgeworth jerked his head towards Glassesworth. "He said there was a possibility that this happened because of your daughter from the future, which makes you our only lead, really."
"If you must know, it wasn't my idea."
"Oh," Phoenix said, "then whose idea was…" He was interrupted, and likely answered, by Flirtworth offering him a glass of grape juice.

Edgeworth: *sighs* That is not going to help. That is really not going to help.

Kay: Maybe the plan is to summon his "alternate version" so it can work with yours?

Edgeworth: I don't see how that could possibly improve the situation.
Glassesworth, meanwhile, was glaring at… the grape juice? Huh?
"Maybe this situation will resolve itself on its own," Edgewoman was saying.
"Unlikely," the Demon Prosecutor said flatly.
"I don't see you offering any better ideas," Scarfworth said.
"I wonder how old future-Phoenix's daughter is?" Mini Miles wondered out loud.
"She was sixteen when I left," Glassesworth said. Mini Miles looked disappointed. Phoenix did the math in his head. Wait a minute…

Kay: She's from another dimension. Who knows how old he is in it? He could be twice his normal age! I mean, it's not like he's ever been there. Anything is possible.
Another interruption in the form of another Edgeworth arrived. He looked exactly like normal Edgeworth, Flirtworth, and the Demon Prosecutor, but when he opened his mouth a string of Japanese flowed out instead of English.

Kay: *suddenly grinning widely* Ooh, nice one! Break that fourth wall, author!

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Kay Faraday-

Kay: -What are you gonna do, punish the fic? Besides, I'm only here because I want to.
"There's a ninth one?!" Phoenix and current Edgeworth objected at the same time.
"…did we forget to mention him?" Bratworth said. He sounded almost apologetic. Almost.
"S-Sorry," Mini Miles said.
"This is Mitsurugi. Like Adelaide Edgeworth, he seems to be from some sort of alternate world," Glassesworth said. Mitsurugi bowed politely.
Oh, so that's her first name, Phoenix thought, glancing at Edgewoman, it's pretty, even if I'm probably still not allowed to use it.

Franziska: This unmarked thought looks even messier with the piece of narration inbetween. You should never have to reread a sentence in order to understand it!

Edgeworth: Also, I don't see why Wright should not be allowed to use her name. After all, as is obvious from reading this fic, random nicknames are a rather insufficient way to distinguish between characters.
"A woman version of me is a dream come true for you, isn't it, Wrightzhumikhin?" Flirtworth murmured in Phoenix's ear, which caused Phoenix to cringe away from him yet again.
"…what did you just call me?" Phoenix said defensively.
"Ignore him," normal Edgeworth said drily, "it's just a terrible pun that would fly over your head anyway."

Franziska: It truly must be terrible, because even I don't understand it. And how did the normal one hear it, if it was murmured into someone else's ear?
Suddenly there was an earthquake.
Edgeworth: ...Of course. Why have a progressing plot when you can play Fanfic Buzzword Bingo instead?
"…huh?" Mini Miles said, looking at all the older (and alternate) versions of himself passed out of the floor, curled in fetal positions.

Kay: Where did the earthquake go? Did it only last a microsecond? All those alternates didn't even fall, they just glitched from standing around right into lying on the floor.

Franziska: Agreed. *readies whip* The narration in this fic is unpredictable! First it goes on endlessly about nothing relevant, and when something finally happens, it skips over it completely! Only the most foolish of fools could think this was an adequate way to tell a story! *whip-crack* *whip-crack* *whip-crack*
"You'll find out when you're older," Phoenix said, frowning.
"I'm… I'm not sure I want to," Mini Miles said, grimacing.
"Yeah, you really don't. My condolences…"

(The fic fades off the screen as the lights come back on.)

Edgeworth: Well, that was anticlimactic.

Franziska: *still looking at the now blank screen, less than impressed* ...Hmph. So that is where you choose to end your story? Very well. Here is my final opinion: The spelling and grammar are decent. However, the plot leaves something to be desired! All in all, it could be summed up as such: Phoenix Wright gets a call. He goes to Miles Edgeworth's house, finding several alternate versions of him all gathered in the room. Then an earthquake happens. The end. *readies whip* Now go back and rewrite this fic, with a proper conclusion and in cursive! I will accept nothing less!

Kay: Wow, that's a harsh punishment! Isn't the Management just going to punish you back, though?

Edgeworth: *shrugs* I wouldn't worry too much about that. They have yet to invent a punishment severe enough to contain Franziska.

(The two of them casually leave the theater, while Franziska remains for a while longer, intimidating the screen.)
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Trucy cosplaying Edgeworth

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Happy Halloween! Have an extra long very spooky sporking of an actual Halloween fic!

Management Sage: Sporking the Second

In which the changes made to this management are explored, Kay drops in, and Franziska refuses to cooperate

Title: Seiko Karaoke
Author: ChloboShoka

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: Mostly harmless, but the constant errors started chafing on my (and Franziska’s) nerves by the end. Those earned it the third sahwit.

And now, our sporkers for today!

Mystic Maya Fey, soon-to-be master of Kurain Village!
I hope it’s not another vampire fic…

Franziska von Karma, the prosecuting prodigy! :franny:
Twice in a row? It seems I may be a favorite.

[Fade in on the Sporking Theater lobby, where Maya is happily talking to Franziska while filling only a conservative four buckets of popcorn.]

Maya: It’s really weird seeing you unchanged like this; it’s been so long. You’re still only nineteen, right?

Franziska: You may have years on your side, but I still have my whip! *whipcrack*

Maya: Ow! Hey! It’s not my fault you haven’t been seen since Investigations!

Speakers: You get only one warning today, Fey. Breaking the fourth wall is strictly prohibited.

Maya: *shivers* They sound so emotionless!

Franziska: Hmph. I believe I have met this management before. They are familiar with you as well, so I hazard the guess: Manfred von Karma’s Gender Adventure?

Speakers: Von Karma is correct. However, we have been upgraded.

Maya: Upgraded?

Speakers: It is need-to-know information. And you, Fey, do not need to know. Also, von Karma: our deal from before still applies. Damage the theater equipment and there will be consequences.

Franziska: *curtsy-bow* Of course. Might I ask how many chapters there are?

Speakers: Three.

Maya: *offering a popcorn bucket to Franziska* I got one extra, want it?

Franziska: No.

Maya: *struggling to carry all four* Suit yourself!

[Maya leads the way into the theater, Franziska following behind her. They both take their seats, the seat between them holding Maya’s buckets.]

Spoiler: Warning! It's pretty long!
Franziska is working on a case in Kurain's village.

Maya: I don’t know what this Kurain’s village is, but it’s definitely not my home! *munch munch*

Franziska: Additionally, village should be capitalized, as it is part of a title.

Maya decides to help her out and they find themselves trapped in a haunted karaoke bar on the outskirts of the villlage.

Franziska: Only two ‘l’s in village, foolish author! *whipcrack*

Unknown what is around the corner, Maya and Franziska have to sing to stay alive.

Franziska: I am beginning to suspect that English is not this author’s first language.

Maya: Yeah, the first clause doesn’t make sense no matter how you think about it.

Franziska: The years have brought with them wisdom I see. The Maya Fey from my time would have said “the first part of the sentence”, despite how foolish that sounds.

Maya: Would that Maya get whipped for her trouble?

Franziska: *pulls whip taut* Absolutely.

Chapter 1

7:30 PM
October 29th, 2020
Kurain Village

Maya: At least it’s trying to mimic the format of the ga-casefiles…?

Speakers: Nice save! Careful, Fey.

Franziska: 2020 places this fiction one year after my time. We shall see whether the author knows about my current activities with Interpol.

Maya: And it puts it 7 years before my point in time!

It had been a while since Franziska had been in the Kurain village. It hadn't changed much since the last time she came here for official business. She was sure that Maya Fey, the master of the village,

Maya: I’m not master yet, buddy!

Franziska: Not even a paragraph into this fiction and already the author has made a crucial mistake.

Speakers: The fic was published soon after Spirit of Justice was released worldwide.

Franziska: So they do not even have the excuse of ignorance.

Maya: But they may not have gotten it when it was released.

Franziska: Foolish girl. Are there not summaries online? Is there not a way to find out the information you need to know? This author was merely lazy. *whipcrack*

would be delighted if she stopped over to her house to have tea and burgers.

Maya: Tea with burgers? What kind of meal is that?

Franziska: One that it seems neither of us would indulge in. I am frankly pleasantly surprised, Maya Fey.

Maya: I may like food, but I’m not an animal who mixes formal and informal food. Why would I be delighted to see Ms. von Karma anyway?

Franziska: Why would you not be delighted? I am perfectly delightful! *whipcrack*

Maya: Ouch! I never said you weren’t!

Maya and Franziska were both the same age, and perhaps they had a lot more in common than just their age.

Franziska: No, our age is the beginning and the end of it.

Maya: I dunno, we’re both awesome working women!

Franziska: Very true. I amend my statement. We have two things in common.

Maya: *thoughtful* Though not really our age right now, since I’m from further along in time…

Franziska: Maya Fey, cease gloating about being older than I am! *whipcrack*

Maya: Yeowch! Stop whipping me!

Franziska: Only once you stop being foolish.

The sky was a blaring shade of navy blue, she had no time to waste.

Maya: A blaring shade of navy blue? What, was it making noise? Navy blue isn’t a blaring color.

Franziska: And what bearing does the color of the sky have on whether I have time? I always come perfectly prepared so that I will have all the time that I need.

[Description of Naomi Nakashima from Corpse Party. Von Karma is looking for her for some reason.]

Maya: Well, that’s random.

Franziska: What does this Naomi Nakashima have to do with me?

Speakers: Nothing.

Franziska: Then why am I searching for her? It is the police force’s job to hunt down criminals, not the job of prosecutors! *whipcrack*

Speakers: Nakashima is not a criminal. Apparently, she is an escaped mental patient.

Franziska: I am beginning to understand my little brother’s response to this theater. The foolishness of this fiction knows no bounds.

"Hey Franziska!"

Franziska: *wags finger* Foolish author, I have not given Maya Fey permission to call me by my first name.

Maya: Hey, Ms. von Karma, can I call you by your first-

Franziska: No.

Maya: Aw… But you let me call you it before!

Franziska: I was distracted by the foolish tomfoolery of Larry Butz. I did not ‘let you’ I simply didn’t have time to reprimand you.

Maya: Double aw...

Franziska: There should also be a comma between “hey” and “Franziska”.

It was a woman's voice. She didn't need to turnaround to know who it was, but she turned around anyway.

Franziska: Turn around. Two words, not one.

It was the soft and energetic voice of Maya Fey. She appeared to have matured, but at the same time, she was the same old Maya that she knew from before.

Maya: *puffs cheeks in annoyance* Nick said the same thing! I can’t tell if it’s a compliment or an insult!

Franziska could never forget the way her black hair was tied up in a bun on top of her head and vertical pigtails around her head.

Franziska: The second clarification of “around her head” is unnecessary.

Maya: And they’re not pigtails!

Her smile was warm and welcoming, even though she would always be a child at heart.

Franziska: This sentence makes no sense. What bearing does Maya Fey being a child at heart have on her smile?

Maya: Ooh! Let me try rewriting it: “Her smile was warm and welcoming; she would always be a child at heart.”

Franziska: Not bad. Interesting use of a semi-colon.

Maya: Thanks!

"Good evening, Maya Fey." Franziska got her hand out and Maya shook it vigorously. Franziska's heart jumped when Maya's arms engulfed her.

Franziska: There is some kind of tomfoolery afoot, and I am sure I will not like it.

Maya: Yeah, I’m getting shippy vibes too.

Franziska: More to the point, “Franziska got her hand out” makes little sense. Was I keeping my hand in my pocket? That appears to be the only way I could “get my hand out”.

Maya: That’s not really more to the point.

"It's been too long!"

Franziska: It has been a year.

Maya: A year is a long time in spirit channeling!

"Work keeps us both busy as always." Franziska's face quickly became serious as she looked down on Maya. "Anyway, it's very foolish to be wandering around the streets at this time of night."

Maya: It’s only 7:30. That’s not late by any stretch of the imagination.

Franziska: Yet another clue the author is not American in origin.

"Same goes to you too!" Maya lifted up her head and stood next to Franziska. Maya scratched her chin as Franziska felt observed by her. "Something about you says you've grown up a lot, but something also says that you haven't changed much."

Franziska: A year. It has been a year.

Maya: It’s just rephrasing what was said about fic-me earlier but this time directed at you. That’s just lazy writing!

"Likewise," Franziska groaned as she continued to walk forward.

Maya: A weird thing to groan.

"Sorry Maya Fey, but I am in the middle of an investigation."
"Is this about the missing woman who was spotted in school uniform?" Franziska ceased to move.

Franziska: Author, did you mean “ceased moving”? It is far more elegant while maintaining the same words. Foolish phrasing like that just makes the fiction harder to understand! *whipcrack*

Maya: How would I know about what’s-her-face? Have I been stalking Ms. von Karma?

Franziska: I doubt it. For if you had been, you would not be master of Kurain in this fiction due to death by whipping.

Maya: I just noticed something, Ms. von Karma. Sometimes you say ‘fic’, but recently you’ve only been saying ‘fiction’. What’s the deal with that?

Speakers: No more warnings, Fey.

[The electrocution aspect of the seats, at this point, nearly forgotten, activate, along with the restraints installed for Franziska very early on. Maya is both zapped and restrained. Franziska jumps in surprise.]


[The electricity stops, leaving Maya still restrained and slightly smoking.]

Maya: What in the world was that for?!

Speakers: Figure it out yourself.

Franziska: That isn’t fair! Tell her what her transgressions were, at the very least!

Speakers: Fair? Whoever said anything about fair? We are the Management. There is no fair.

[Just then, a rope ladder descends from who knows where, because it’s certainly not the ceiling, and a familiar jingle plays. Kay Faraday slides down the ladder to stand on the back of a seat, a set of lock picks in hand.]

Kay: Don’t worry Maya! I’m here to rescue you!

Maya: I’d clap if I could bring my hands together.

Speakers: Do not bother. Take a seat, Faraday. This is your one warning.

Kay: Or what? You’ll zap me too? I’m not scared of you!

Speakers: You should be, Faraday. You will be punished more severely if you continue.

[Kay ignores the speakers, hops down off the seat and busies herself unlocking Maya.]

Speakers: Von Karma, if you restrain Faraday, we will let you go early.

Franziska: *standing up to help Kay* I refuse.

Speakers: Fine. Be that way.

[All of the doors to the theater shut, along with all of the windows. Meanwhile, Maya is finally freed from her seat.]

Kay: … I don’t think I can get us out of here now.

Maya: *rubbing her wrists* What are you going to do to us?

Speakers: Fey and von Karma earned a punishment for Faraday’s actions. You will finish this chapter then read an extremely dark and gory fic. Featuring Fey. Ruminate on this while you finish.

Kay: …

Maya: Are you okay?

Kay: I’m always ‘kay…

Franziska: Do not fret, Kay Faraday. We are strong and will survive.

Maya: Like Ms. von Karma says! Even if we get punished, they can’t kill us!

Kay: But they can do worse!

Maya: Nothing could be worse than Phoenix Drive.

Speakers: Pearl gets raped in this one. At eight.

Maya: That happened in Phoenix Drive as—

Speakers: By Matt Engarde.

Maya: Uh—

Speakers: And you murder him.

Franziska: Cease taunting us! Allow us to spork in peace! *whipcrack*

Speakers: For whipping the speakers, the gore will be uncut.

Franziska: *recoils clutching her shoulders* !

Kay: Don’t punish them for my actions! I will read the fic in their place!

Speakers: No. We cannot keep you out, but we can have you removed.

Kay: But don’t you need all the sporkers you can get?

Speakers: You make a good point, Faraday. Very well, you will be subjected to the punishment as well. Continue sporking.

"One of the elders saw her walk into the old karaoke bar in the outskirts." "How far is it?" Franziska asked.
"Well by foot I would say an hour on foot," Maya replied.

Franziska: Redundant! Repetition of ‘on foot’ is nonsensical and unnecessary.

Kay: *muttered* The punishment is nonsensical and unnecessary.

Maya patted Franziska's back and pointed towards the shackled building in the distance. "But if we go on the train and throw ourselves out, we'll be there much quicker."
Franziska pursed her lips.

Kay: Whoa, Maya! I never knew you were such a daredevil!

Maya: I’m not! I’d never suggest that! I could die!

She squinted her eyes as her whip lashed onto Maya's back. "Don't be foolish!" Franziska barked. "That is dangerous. We could get killed."

Maya: See?

Franziska: My whip “lashed onto Maya’s back”? ‘Lashed’ is not the verb to use here. ‘Struck’ would be better.

Kay: I still think it’d be cool to jump off of a train.

Maya sighed as she lowered her head below Franziska's neck. "I guess you're right. I have been having a quest for danger recently."

Kay: Oh, a quest for danger? I’m on one of those all the time!

Franziska: I suspect we all are, at least when we enter this theater.

Maya: It’s not like we have a choice.

"Well," Franziska crossed her arms. "You better show me the way!" Maya nodded. "Right! I will show you the way."

Kay: *singing* More repetition, what a show; more repetition, here we go!

"So Maya Fey," Franziska spoke.

Franziska: Use *whipcrack* commas *whipcrack* properly!

She never expected Maya Fey of all people to assist her with her investigations. But she hoped, that this would lead somewhere. If Naomi was alive, she could most likely be brought to safety. If Naomi was dead, then a full investigation to her death will take place. But first, before Franziska could do anything, she had to know about this karaoke bar. "What do you know about this karaoke bar?"
"It's never open," Maya quickly replied. She held onto Franziska's hand as she tiptoed towards the long and stoney road.

Maya: Such lazy writing, instead of developing our relationship to that point where we hold hands, they just have it happen.

Kay: We should make a bad writing bingo for fics like these!

Maya: That’s actually a great idea, Kay.

[Kay pulls out some paper from her pack and starts making a bad writing bingo.]

Speakers: Faraday. Pay attention. Or we’ll remove you from the punishment sporking, so it’ll be just your friends.

[Kay sighs and looks up, but doesn’t put away the paper.]

"I've always wanted to go ever since I've heard about it, but it just looked...well you can see for yourself. I wouldn't go on my own."
"I'm curious to why you would even consider going to a karaoke bar in the first place?"

Franziska: Improper use of question mark. Add that to the bingo, Kay Faraday.

Kay: That’s not what the bingo’s about, Ms. von Karma.

Maya: I think the more important point here is that apparently fic-me doesn’t seem like the type to go to a karaoke bar.

9:30 PM October 29th, 2030 Seiko Karaoke Bar

Maya: Whoa! It took ten years to get to there!

Franziska: Ten years and two hours, to be more precise.

Kay: *muttering as if writing* Typos/Free Space

Speakers: Faraday. What the hell did we just say.

Kay: I’m still paying attention!

Maya's legs collapsed on the floor as she panted loudly.

Maya: … Did my legs just buckle, leaving me floating above them?

Kay: Looks like it!

Franziska: This is why proofreading is important! *whipcrack*

Her head swayed side-to-side as she took some deep breaths. "I'm sure that walked all that food off, I'm sure."
"With the amount you eat," Franziska said. "I'm not too sure."

Maya: You know, there’s such a thing as tact… and a brain-mouth filter.

Franziska: I am always perfectly polite. This foolish fiction knows nothing of my behavior.

Maya stood herself up and looked up to the old shambled house. It was covered in ivy and scaffolding and ivy over the scaffolding. On the door there was a red glowing sign in bold letters wrote: WELCOME TO SEIKO KARAOKE BAR!

Franziska: “Written in bold letters”.

"So this is the karaoke bar?" Franziska raised her head and turned away at the horrific site

Maya: What exactly is horrific about the sign?

Franziska: It is the site that is horrific, Maya Fey, not the sign, nor the sight.

Maya: But I think they meant sight.

Kay: Either way, it’s not super horrific. I agree with Maya.

She shook her head and quickly walked towards the door as her hand turned towards the nob.

Franziska: “Knob”. These foolish errors are beginning to attack my sanity.

Maya: “Her hand turned towards the knob”? So just her hand turned in that direction?

Kay: Oh no! Ms. von Karma’s hand is turning against her!

The door wouldn't nudge an inch. Franziska tried kicking the door: nothing happened. She took a few steps back and charged her full body weight at the door, and it wasn't very effective.

Kay: Ms. von Karma used Body Slam!

Maya: It’s not very effective…

Franziska: *sigh*

"I can't open the door!" Franziska hissed.

Maya: Can you actually hiss something without any ‘S’s in it?

"Then there must be a key!" Maya pointed out. She ran over to the window and nothing but a torn curtain. Maya could see a small flame lit up behind the curtain. "There's a candle in here, there must be someone in there!"
Franziska peered over to the window and saw the candle quickly walking closer and closer towards them.

Kay: The candle grew legs! First Ms. von Karma’s hand, now the candle! Everything’s aliiiiive!

Franziska pushed herself away and cowered behind Maya.

Franziska: I would never cower! Clearly, this foolish fictional version of myself is a coward, and has no relation to me! *whipcrack*

Suddenly a harsh cold gust flustered both women as Maya tried her level best to control her skirt, Franziska was able to see everything underneath it.

Kay: Why does the wind only affect Maya’s skirt?

Franziska: Because I am too perfect for the wind to dare to touch me.

May: But why were you looking at my skirt-area in the first place?

Franziska: That isn’t me!

Kay: But just a second ago--

Franziska: No! I refuse to tolerate this tomfoolery!

Maya tapped her toes and began to sing. "I got chills, they're multiplying!"

Kay: Holy non-sequitur, Batman!

The windows began to rumble as the door wobbled. Franziska bent her knees and rested her chin on Maya's shoulder.

Maya: What a weird position.

Franziska: At least it is acknowledged that I am taller than you.

Speakers: Only according to the art books, von Karma.

Kay: Hey, who’s breaking the fourth wall now?

Speakers: *penalty noise*

Kay: Uh oh…

Eventually the door swung open. Franziska gasped. "The door just opened! How did that happen?"
"It was when I started singing..."

Kay: So for no reason, then.

"Come on!" Franziska ordered, dragging Maya into the door. "Let's go and find this Naomi Nakashima!"

Kay: “Into the door?” Instead if entering, the actors just ran into the door again.

Maya: It looks like it hurt.

[Lights up.]

Speakers: That’s it for today. Go home. When you return, you will be punished. It is possible you will return to this fic at some point, but only after around 30,766 words of punishment.

Maya: 31,000 words? That’s more than half of a novel!

Speakers: Blame Faraday.

Kay: But I couldn’t just stand by and watch!

Speakers: You could have. *pause* Oh yes. And Happy Halloween. *deep evil laughter*

[The sporkers leave the theater, fearful of what’s next.]
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Master of all Things Cheesy

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I'm back! Finally. I have part 2 of Trinity of Truth close to completion, after all this time. As an aside, I was wondering if anyone's sporked (or is planning on sporking) Barrylawn's Sporking Theatre fanfic. If not, I'm thinking about giving it a go. Hopefully, the fourth wall will be able to handle it.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Trucy cosplaying Edgeworth

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As far as I'm concerned, go for it! I'm pretty sure there's only Fool and I active here, and neither of us have it, so yeah! Knock yourself out!
Loved your first Trinity of Truth sporking, btw!
Edit: There's a fangame called Dark Age of Love, it's a very bad smut game a la Phoenix Drive someone please take it, I know I won't be able to andle it.
Edit 2 because I fear doubleposting:
Here's some more fics, also I rescind my dibs on the Kink meme collection
Charley causes Edgeworth and Phoenix to almost get divorced:

Phoenix is a Bee Stripper (Yes you read that right):

Phoenix cheats on Edgeworth with the Elevator from DL-6 (again, you read that right):

Klavier is The Last Unicorn (like the book):

Edgeworth goes Speed-Dating:

“Smut in which no one takes any clothes off” featuring Phoenix/Kristoph:

And if you want to read the punishment fic that I’m sporking with Maya, Franziska, and Kay, then here you go. It’s extremely dark.:
One lingering thought fills my mind, burdening me with anxiety...
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Ok, so I’ve been watching this thread for a while and now I figured it’s time for me to make my mark on here. It’s time for a spork!
The Ending Cannot Come in the Middle of the Story
By CaesiumDressing
Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit:
Honestly, it’s done with mostly decent grammar and I was entertained by it. Still, it’s insanity is why it gets two Sahwits.

And today’s Sporkers are...
:think-think-think: Apollo Justice! “I go on vacation from Khura’in for this?”

:trucy: Trucy Wright! “Well two Sahwits isn’t that bad, is it?”

:klavier: Klavier Gavin! “This should be fun, ja?”

And the resident Sporking bitch...
:edgeworth: Miles Edgeworth!! “I would be shocked but considering what I’ve been through in here, I can’t say I’m surprised in the least.

(We open up in the Sporking Theater as Apollo and Trucy are already seated.

Trucy: So you agreed to come back for this, why?

Apollo: Well, it certainly beats taking like fifteen cases per day. Although almost anything beats that. Even this. Besides, the Management said it was either this or they would make sure I get even more cases.

Trucy: Oh, chin up, Polly! Surely it’ll be a nice break for you!

Apollo: Not if the Management has anything to say about it.

Speakers: Hehehehehehehe.

(Just then, the doors to the theater open and Edgeworth and Klavier enter.)

Klavier: I’m just saying, Herr Chief. It’d be a good promotion for the Prosecutor’s Office.

Edgeworth: For the last time, Prosecutor Gavin, no, we’re not doing anything regarding your music. I’d prefer our jobs to be taken seriously.

Klavier: Which is why you have a samurai, a former rock star and had a monk join your offices, ja?

Edgeworth: I...view their skills as essential in these dark times. Yours included.

Klavier: Danke, Herr Chief. Keep my proposal in mind, at least. (He And Edgeworth take their seats.) Ah, Herr Forehead. Fancy seeing you back here. I figured you’d be too busy in Khura’in for spending time here.

Apollo: It appears the Management felt I had better things to do than spend my time helping rebuild a country’s legal system. Like commenting on fan fiction.

Edgeworth: At least you don’t get dragged here for every single story they get for us. Why am I the one subjected to the worst of this?

Speakers: The Management would like to request that Miles Edgeworth not speculate on why he’s the Sporking Bitch and that he just accept it.

Edgeworth: The day I accept that fact is the day that I follow in Wright’s footsteps and become a drunken hobo.

Trucy: You never know, Uncle Edgeworth! Maybe Capcom has something in store for you in the next game!

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Trucy Wright that breaking the fourth wall is against the rules.

Trucy: *sticks tongue out at speakers* What’s this story about anyway?

Apollo: All I got was the title...and it makes no sense.

Klavier: But it’s true, Herr Forehead. The ending has to come at the end of a story, ja?

Edgeworth: If only some authors made the ending come sooner.

Trucy: Shh! It’s starting!

(The lights dim.)

Apollo Justice and Trucy are tasked with taking Klavier Gavin out to the seaside on some errand. Little did they know they were about to take part in a battle for the fate of the last unicorn.

All: ...

Apollo: Um...what?

Edgeworth: Nnnngg! My truth bar just took a hit with the summary alone!

Klavier: Well this could make for an...interesting show.

Trucy: Sounds like fun!

Apollo: If by “fun,” you mean “confusion,” then I agree.

“Of all the stupid errands we’ve been sent on, this has to be the stupidest.” Apollo said, adjusting his backpack.

Apollo: I dunno. Mr. Wright has sent me on some stupid errands before.

Klavier: Such as?

Apollo: Getting a stepladder when we already had a perfectly good ladder available to use.

Trucy: That was NOT a stupid errand! Stepladders are the best kinds of ladder!

Edgeworth: I must agree with Mr. Justice. Ladders work just as well as stepladders in almost any situation.

Trucy: You too, Uncle Edgeworth?

“It isn’t so bad Polly. We’re getting a little hike by the beach. Maybe we can go swimming later. Daddy just said that we had to escort Klavier to the sea. He didn’t say we couldn’t have fun once we got there.” Trucy said, tromping along behind Apollo.

Apollo: I know Mr. Wright is crazy sometimes but why would he have us do this?

Klavier: Perhaps he felt it was necessary to protect me from my adoring fans, ja?

Apollo: Even if that was the case, why us? Why not get, I dunno, ACTUAL GUARDS??

Edgeworth: My guess is that Wright’s too cheap to go for something like that.

Trucy: *opens mouth to say something but closes it after a few seconds*

“Yes, but why? What the hell is this task that he has to complete?” Apollo sighed. “Sometimes I think your dad lost it after all those years in the Borscht Bowl. Too many travelers, too many stories.”

Edgeworth: Actually, I’m pretty sure he lost it after all those years of dealing with insane trials finally caught up to him. The disbarment years simply reinforced it.

Klavier had stopped at the cusp of the hill and was looking out at the sea with sadness in his eyes. Apollo approached his side and placed set his hand on Klavier’s shoulder.

“What are you looking at, Klavier?” Apollo asked, concerned with the sudden sadness playing across the prosecutor’s regularly happy face.

Klavier: Why the shoulder touch, Herr Forehead? Getting awfully concerned about me?

Apollo: Th-that’s not me up there!

Klavier: First name basis, too. I’m flattered.

Apollo: *face turns red*

“The sea,” Klavier said simply.

Edgeworth: The author made it quite clear what he was looking at. Why do we need to have this repeated to us?

“The sea is always good,” came a grizzled voice from over Apollo’s shoulder. He turned and saw an old man in what must have once been grand clothes. He was stooped and twisted, sparse white hair crowning his head.

Trucy: Do you recognize this man? He doesn’t look familiar to me.

Klavier: Nein.

Edgeworth: Not that I am aware of.

Apollo: Nope. Maybe they’ll tell us?

“Yes,” Klavier said turning to the man.

“You came? After all these years, you came,” the man said, laughing dryly. “It would be best if you returned to your home in the city and settled down to a normal human life. You’re no match for the red bull.”

Klavier: Am I supposed to know this man? Because I have no memory of meeting him.

Apollo: Better question. Who’s the Red Bull?

Trucy: Maybe it’s that energy drink.

Edgeworth: One, I’m pretty sure that’s not the case. Two, if it was, the man would’ve said A Red Bull, not THE Red Bull.

Trucy: I’m sure Prosecutor Gavin could handle it. After all, it gives him wings!

Speakers: The Management would like to request that the sporkers not give product placement for Red Bull.

“What is he talking about Klavier?” Apollo asked, turning back to the blonde man he’d come here with.

“You know I can’t go back. I set out on a journey to find others like me and made a foolish mistake along the way. I got confused after I was changed by that wizard, and I forgot what I meant to do. Now that I remember, I cannot live knowing that I did not try to return unicorns to the world.”

Klavier: Excuse me? Where did this come from?

Apollo: We suddenly went from escorting Prosecutor Gavin to unicorns and wizards?

Edgeworth: I...believe so. The sad thing is, this isn’t the most insane thing I’ve seen here.

“Wow Apollo,” Trucy leaned in and whispered into Apollo’s ear “did you know Klavier was the last unicorn?”

Klavier: WHAT?!

Edgeworth: Um...

Apollo: So...Mr. this the most insane thing you’ve seen in here now?

Edgeworth: It...might’ve made the top 10. Possibly the top 5.

Trucy: How would I have known this anyway?

Apollo: (THAT’S your biggest question?)

“Unicorn? Red Bull? What in the hell is everyone talking about?” Apollo said confusedly.


Edgeworth: Volume, Mr. Justice.

Klavier bid Apollo’s question no mind. “I will free them. You can’t stop me.”

“Oh? Look who you came here with; a two-bit show magician and the human form of a yappy dog.”

Apollo and Trucy: Hey!

“Hey!” Trucy exclaimed “I’m not just a show magician. I can do real magic mister, just like in the story books!”

Trucy: Exactly!

Apollo: I don’t think your magic is “just like in the story books,” Trucy.

Trucy: What do you know, Polly? You’re just a human yappy dog!

Apollo: H-hey!

Klavier: *chuckles* The fic is not that far off, actually.

Apollo: (Et tu, Prosecutor Gavin?)

Edgeworth: Did the author not notice the grammar mistakes he made?

“And I’m not a yappy dog, I’m a lawyer!” Apollo yelled shrilly, puffing out his chest to make himself look more intimidating.

Klavier: I don’t think that’s working, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: (It’s not my fault I don’t have a muscular build.)

[The old man, whose name we never get, taunts the trio before leaving.]

“Klavier, you’re a unicorn! How can you let that old man talk to you like that?!” Trucy cried, running to Klavier’s side.

“He’s right, fräulein. Apollo is no hero and you are no sorceress,” Klavier cast his eyes down at the sea again. “Why did we come here? It was a fool’s errand. Let’s go back,” Klavier turned toward the path they came on and away from the sea.

Edgeworth: Again, how is Prosecutor Gavin a unicorn? What was supposed to be the errand? Why is he so glum? Nng! My truth bar!

Klavier: Careful, Herr Chief. You don’t want to stress yourself.

Edgeworth: I can’t help myself sometimes!

“Objection!” Apollo shouted, flinging his arm out towards Klavier finger pointed viciously. “I did not walk all the way out here with you and Trucy to turn around and go home. The ending cannot come in the middle of the story!”

Apollo: Really? THAT’S how they incorporate the title into this?

Edgeworth: Still, I’d like the ending to come in the middle of the story. It would spare us the insanity that awaits in this story.

Trucy: You need to learn to lighten up, Uncle Edgeworth. Have a little fun!

Edgeworth: That’s not how I operate, Trucy.

“Apollo’s right Klavier, you can’t just not finish an epic quest. I’m sure I can change you back!”

“Fräulein, you may try but I’m afraid you’d be disappointed. It’s not an easy trick. Only two great wizards were ever able to change a unicorn into a human and neither was able to change them back.”

Trucy: Never underestimate a Gramayre!

Apollo: If you have that magic power, why can’t you use it to get us out of here?

Trucy: Um...because the Management requested that I don’t?

Apollo: Suuuuuuuure.

Edgeworth: How is it that Mr. Justice has just accepted the fact that wizards and unicorns exist?

Klavier: Or that I am one, for that matter, ja? Still, I’m probably majestic and beautiful to gaze at as a unicorn.

Apollo: (Egocentric, much?)

Trucy clapped her hands and made a determined face. “I’m going to do this, stand back.” She stretched her arms out in front of her, popping the joints, and bowed her head. “Magic, do as you will. Magic, do as you will.” She began to chant quietly.

Apollo: Am I dreaming right now? Is this really happening?

Edgeworth: I’m afraid so, Mr. Justice.

Trucy: My shows are always more exciting than this! Lame!

Apollo stood open mouthed at the farce happening before his eyes. Prosecutor Gavin was just staring sadly at Trucy who was waving her arms in circles and chanting some foolish mantra.

Apollo: Huh. Guess I haven’t lost all my sanity yet.

Edgeworth: That’s more than I can say for Trucy or Prosecutor Gavin.

Klavier: That’s not me up there, Herr Chief.

Just as Apollo was about to turn away, leaving this insanity behind him, and turn in his two weeks notice to Phoenix, a green glow began to form between Trucy’s hands.

Trucy: Ha! Who’s the insane one now, Uncle Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: It’s a fictional story, Trucy. Nothing matters in the long run.

Trucy: It would’ve been cool if I could do that stuff though.

Apollo: (At least it wouldn’t be on me. Good luck, Athena.)

Trucy’s brows were knitted in concentration, putting everything she had into the chant. The glow began to get brighter and bigger. Klavier reached out to it and it to him. Slowly the strange light began to engulf Klavier and his body began to twist and reshape. His face elongated, becoming that of a horse. Suddenly his limbs became thinner and his hands and feet became cloven hooves. As his hooves touched the ground the earth began to shake.

Apollo and Trucy: *giggle*

Klavier: May I ask what’s so funny?

Apollo: Th-the idea of seeing you as a horse is just too good.

Trucy: *busts out laughing*

Edgeworth: *stares at the screen in shock* This is just a story, Miles. It’s just a story.

The old man was cackling from his hovel. “Now you’ve done it. The last unicorn will be mine, driven into the sea like all the others by the red bull!”

On the horizon a dark shadow loomed, glowing red like the setting sun. There was a roar that shook the air around them. Klavier bounded backwards on his four legs, whinnying. The bull charged around Apollo and Trucy, knocking them off their feet into the dirt. Klavier bounded down the hill toward the sea.

Apollo: This...what am I even watching anymore?

Edgeworth: My thoughts exactly.

Klavier: *stares at the screen in bewilderment*

Trucy: This is fun!

Apollo: Well at least one of us is having a good time.

“I have no idea what’s actually happening,” Apollo said, picking himself up “but I'm going to stop whatever it is. Trapping sentient creatures in the sea is unlawful imprisonment old man and I won’t allow it!” Apollo shouted at the old man who was laughing raucously in the old plastic lawn chair he’d dragged out of his hovel while they weren't watching.

Apollo: Actually, I’d probably be too stunned to do anything, least of all yelling at an old man who might be even more insane than this fan fiction is at the moment.

Trucy: And you’d leave a poor unicorn to die?

Apollo: I couldn’t do that because unicorns aren’t real.

Klavier: ...

Apollo: (I guess he’s too stunned by what’s happening. Can’t say I blame him.)

Apollo bounded down the hill just as Klavier charged past the bull, back toward land. Apollo stepped between them. Suddenly he realized that he had no weapons and no means of defense. He was completely helpless between two magical beasts battling each other. As he realized he had no hope the bull charged.

Apollo: Okay, this is just ridiculous.

Edgeworth: Understatement of the year, Mr. Justice.

Apollo: Even if, IF, I were to actually be insane enough to do anything at this point, I would never go in between two dangerous and deadly animals with no weapons!

Klavier: ...

[Apollo dies and Klavier becomes dead set on avenging him.]

Soon the bull’s ghostly hooves were in the edge of the water. With each step the tide rose higher around him. The bull was being driven into the sea just as he had driven the unicorns. With each wave the bull’s red glow became dimmer. One last thrust of Klavier's glowing horn pushed the bull’s under the waves and with a mighty roar his fiery eyes were extinguished.

Trucy: This is fun!

Apollo, Edgeworth and Klavier: ...

The waves swelled, and when they came to break on the shore they left unicorns in their wake. Hundreds and hundreds of shining beasts came rushing in on each wave. Their galloping shook the earth hard enough that the Old man’s shack crumbled to the ground. They streamed and streamed until there was none left. When they had gone the earth stilled and Klavier cantered over to Apollo’s side where Trucy knelt crying.

Everyone sans Trucy: ...

Trucy: That was amazing! Although did Polly really need to die?

Apollo: (If it gets me out of this craziness, then YES!)

Klavier touched his horn to Apollo’s chest and Apollo began breathing again. “Mr. Wright, I had the strangest dream about Klavier being a unicorn. . .” he rubbed his eyes and realized that Trucy was sitting in front of him teary eyed. “Was I dead?”

Trucy let out a sob and threw her arms around Apollo’s shoulders. Apollo glanced around and swore he caught a glimpse of a white flank over the hill.

Apollo: to sum this all up, Prosecutor Gavin’s a unicorn who fights a Red Bull, Trucy can do actual magic, I die and come back to life and I still keep my sanity?

Klavier: I...I believe so, Herr Forehead. I idea what I just watched.

Edgeworth: That entire sequence reduced my truth bar to almost nothing.

Trucy: I dunno what story you watched but I thought it was fun!

Everyone else: *stares at Trucy in bewilderment*

Trucy: ...what?

Speakers: You know it’s not over yet, right?

Apollo, Edgeworth and Klavier: NO!!

Phoenix Wright sat on the couch in the front office of The Wright Anything Agency sipping from a mug of coffee with a copy of the evening news spread across his knees. After he was sure Miles had recovered from the earthquake he went into the office to meet with Apollo and Trucy, hoping they’d be back from the errand he’d sent them on. If the earthquakes were any indication, they’d succeeded.

The door to the agency opened and in stepped his daughter and Apollo Justice, both ashen faced. “Welcome home you two. Did you complete your quest?” The look Apollo gave him could have set the newspaper across his knees on fire.

Apollo: Well, that’s probably about the most accurate depiction of what I’d do in that situation.

“If it makes you feel any better, he’ll remember you when men are fairy tales in books written by rabbits,” Phoenix said. Apollo replied by stomping into his office and slamming the door.


“I think he’s gonna need some time to process the whole ‘dying-to-a-magical-creature-and-then-being-resurrected-by-a-different-magical-creature’ thing Daddy,” Trucy said, plopping down next to Phoenix on the couch.

Edgeworth: I think we all need time to process this fan fiction.

Apollo and Klavier: Agreed.

Miles Edgeworth stood on his back porch, eyes wide. He was talking to what everyone else would perceive as a white mare. He was not so easily fooled, however. Mares didn’t speak in men’s voices, and they surely didn’t have fake German accents.

“So, I regret to tell you chief prosecutor, I will no longer be able to work for you. I must return to my forest. You will find a letter of resignation in my desk,” Klavier spoke like a man chatting about unfortunate weather, not a man who had magically been turned into a unicorn.

Edgeworth: Wh-why am I suddenly included in this?!

Trucy: Guess they figured you deserved some time in the spotlight, Uncle Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I didn’t ask for any of this!

Miles Edgeworth nodded, saying nothing.

“Please, tell Apollo Justice that I appreciated his bravery today. I only regret that we will not have more time together. Herr Forehead always brought me joy,”

“Yes,” Miles Edgeworth managed, nodding his head.

Edgeworth: I don’t think I could even manage to say THAT if placed in this situation!

Klavier: Why would I even come to you anyway, and not Herr Forehead?

Apollo: That’s your biggest question?

Klavier: This story has made me unable to think straight for the time being. Do you really blame me?

Apollo: ...I guess not.

“Thank you,” Klavier whispered. He turned himself, nickered, and galloped off.

Miles Edgeworth went back into his house, poured himself a cup of tea, and sat down in his living room without turning on any lights. As he sipped his tea he vowed silently to himself that he would never breathe a single word of what he had just seen to any other living soul.

Trucy: Really, Uncle Edgeworth? You won’t even honor Prosecutor Gavin’s request?

Edgeworth: At that point, I would probably see a doctor to make sure I was still sane.

(The lights come back on.)

Apollo: Finally! It’s over!

Klavier: Watching myself turn into a unicorn was not as magestic or as beautiful as I thought it would be.

Edgeworth: It may not be the worst story I’ve seen on here but it’s certainly one of the most insane.

Trucy: That was fun! Let’s do that again!

Apollo: Give me some time to recover from that, will you?

(And so our sporkers departed the theater and vowed to never speak of that insanity again. Or at least three of them agreed. What story will be next? Who will spork it? Will I ever get the motivation and time to do this again? Stay tuned!)

Last edited by DJJ680 on Tue Nov 20, 2018 2:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Trucy cosplaying Edgeworth

Gender: None specified

Location: San Francisco, Japanifornia

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2018 2:57 am

Posts: 28

This spork was very good! But there were 3 things that bugged me.
First off, you used the wrong smiley for Apollo. That's a Gumshoe smiley, not an Apollo one.
Secondly, you made use of the truth bar multiple times but nothing really came of it? Not even in a minor way, either, you had Edgeworth say it knocked a lot out of his truth bar.
Thirdly, Trucy calls Edgeworth "Mr. Edgeworth" canonically, "Uncle Edgeworth" is fanfics only.

But here are the great things about your spork!
1. It made me laugh a lot!! It was very funny.
2. Your characterization is really good for a newbie! Especially Klavier and Trucy.
3. Apollo's shoutiness was just the right level.
4. You asked the same questions I did when I was attempting to spork it! Great minds think alike!

Trucy: You need to learn to lighten up, Uncle Edgeworth. Have a little fun!

Edgeworth: That’s not how I operate, Trucy.

I laughed super hard at how accurate this is, thank you for pinpointing exactly how Edgeworth rolls!

One thing I think you missed is that "Magic do as you will" is directly from the original book The Last Unicorn. Something could be made of that joke.

But again, all in all, AWESOME JOB FOR YOUR FIRST SPORK!!
(Better than mine, prolly lol)
One lingering thought fills my mind, burdening me with anxiety...
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Gender: None specified

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Sat Jul 15, 2017 12:14 am

Posts: 4

The sprite issue should be fixed. Also, I had no knowledge of that Last Unicorn book so that’s why I didn’t mention it. (I need to read more.) Thanks for the feedback! Glad you liked it!
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