"There you are, Edgy-poo!" Oldbag shouted, taking the witness stand and blushing disgustingly. "I seem to have lost you after our date. My eye-sight isn't what it used to be, you know. Backintheday,myvisionwasabsolutelyperfect,butdidanyonecare?no! "youseewaytoomuch,Wendy," everyonewouldsayandIwouldtellthemwheretheycouldsticktheirless-than-perfectvision.Thosewerethedays..." she ranted, only to get interrupted by Franziska's whip. "OW! WHIPPERSNAPPER!!!"
"We do not care about your disgusting and foolish love-life with Miles Edgeworth, you foolish fool!" she shouted. Oldbag glared at her.
"What may be 'disgusting' to you is the most beautiful thing in the world to me." She swooned and Franziska whipped her once again.
"State your name and occupation or you will taste your own blood for breakfast!" Franziska shouted.
Hmmm...She's even more violent than usual. I must have really shaken her up with my pressing of Gumshoe, Edgeworth thought.
"WHIPPERSNAPPER!!! There are more important things than murder, you know. Like..." she sighed romantically at this point and Edgeworth shuddered. "Love." Franziska glared at Oldbag and raised her whip. Much as Edgeworth loved seeing Oldbag have a small sampling of the pain and horror she causes everyone through Franziska's whip, he wanted to get this case over with quickly, so he decided to step in.
"Please, Miss Oldbag. It is highly important that you state your name and occupation, then testify about the murder," he said calmly. "We can discuss our..." His face contorted as he finished, "'date' after the trial." Oldbag stared at Edgeworth for a moment, then nodded.
"As you wish, Edgey-poo," she said as seductively as she could muster. Edgeworth sighed. What did he get himself into?

The testimony and cross-examination will be in the next chapter. So, yeah, this is slightly filler. To be continued...

"Blood!" Maya shouted, getting pale. She collapsed right in front of Phoenix and the rest of the class.
"Relax, dude. It's just a blood test," Larry, who apparently also got stuck with being the teacher of this class, said.
"I'll take her to the nurse's office!" Phoenix shouted. I could swear this scene was nothing like this in the book.
"Yeah, dude. I don't see anything wrong with someone who is obviously very distressed around this girl being alone with her to take her to the nurse." Phoenix felt his jaw clench. That wasn't in the script. He decided to ignore it and grabbed Maya. As he scooped her up, he ran out of the building.
"You can't stand blood?" he asked. Maya trembled slightly.
"N-no, I can't." She's a pretty decent actor. "H-have you ever tasted blood?" Phoenix clenched his jaw once again.
"You have no idea what blood tastes like!"
"Oh, yeah?
Blooooooooood~
Is gross and disguuuuustiiing~
Bloooooooooooooooood~
Tastes coppery and nastyyyyyyyy~"
"You don't know what you're talking about!" Phoenix interrupted.
"Don't show me bloood~
Don't let me even smeeeeell it~
If there's one thing I cannot staaaaand~
It's blood~ blood~ B-L-O-O-Deeee~ Bloooood~" Maya sang. Phoenix glowered.
"You really have no idea what you're talking about," he said. "Blood is delicious."
"Eeeew. You sound like a vampire!" Maya shouted. Phoenix sighed. That's not how Bella discovered he was a vampire at all. She spent tons of time researching it on the internet before jumping to that conclusion. Who wrote this script?

Somewhere Not Too Far Away...
Moe the Clown started laughing. "I normally don't write scripts, but I figured they would laugh hard at how terrible this script was and how much it bashed the Twilight series for its idiocy! Aha! Aha! Aha! Aha! Aha! Aha!"

Back At Wright and Co. ...
"Maybe this will convince you how much you love me," Gumshoe said, then leaned in toward Maya, suddenly jumping back once he read the script. "Woah, pal! Woah! Just...Woah."
"What is it, Detective Gumshoe?" Adrian asked.
"I can't do this to her, pal! I mean, it's pretty much rape. And I'm a detective!" he shouted, panting slightly. "Besides, Jacob's character would never do a thing like that in the last book!"
"That's what happens," Adrian said.
"I-I can't...kiss her, anyway. I mean, Maya's a friend. And I have all I need with my Maggey." He blew a kiss to Maggey who giggled and blushed.
"You have to do it, Detective Gumshoe." Gumshoe hesitated, then slowly leaned in to Maya and kissed her passionately. When he was done, Maya was blushing slightly and Maggey's jaw was dropped.
"How could you do that, Dick?!" Maggey shouted accusingly, storming out of Wright and Co.
"B-baby, wait! It was just because of the script, I swear!" Gumshoe replied, running after her.

Phoenix was on the bed on the set with Maya.
"I-I can't do this," he said. "This is too much for me. Maya...I would do anything for Pearly, but..." He fidgeted. "No way am I stripping to make this scene work! Can't we just cut it out?"
"No, we can't," Adrian answered.
"Th-then...I quit!" Phoenix shouted, tearing his script into tiny shreds and storming off.
"Me, too," Edgeworth, Larry, Gumshoe, and Maggey all said at the same time, following suit. It wasn't long before everyone had torn up their scripts, except, of course, for...
"Wait, guys!" Maya shouted. Everyone turned to her. "This isn't about us. This is about Pearly. Sure, I'm not a big fan of this musical, either, but this is about her. You only have a birthday once a year, you know." Maya pouted and Phoenix sighed.
"She's right. We're all adults, here," he said.
"Indeed. Life is something that, unfortunately, usually results in doing...unsavory things," Edgeworth agreed. Franziska whipped Maya's script in half.
"I was doing perfect as Rosalie! Did you hear me? Perfect!" she shouted. "And now all of you foolishly foolish quitters want to take that away from me. FOOLS!" She whipped Gumshoe, who winced.
"But, pal...How are we supposed to do this without a script?" he asked.
"I have an idea," Phoenix replied. "We'll improvise!" Maya cheered, while everyone else looked horrified.
To Be Continued...

Pearl sighed as she and Oldbag received the last clue, which told them to go straight back to Wright and Co. Nick said he had a surprise, but Pearl guessed he really didn't. She looked down sadly.
"Come on, Whippersnapper," Oldbag said, uncharacteristically gently. "We should head back to Wright and Co."
"B-but, Miss Oldbag, we were just there, weren't we? There really isn't a surprise..." Oldbag smiled, which is something that did not look pleasant on her, magnifying all her wrinkles.
"Actually, we have been gone for a few hours on this wild goose chase," she said. "I think, where there wasn't a surprise before, there is now. So, let's get you to your surprise." And me to my Edgy-poo. They started walking again.
"Miss Oldbag?"
"Yes?"
"Everyone seems to hate you, but you're actually very nice." Oldbag smiled again.
"Nobody really ever sees this side of me, Runt. And if anyone asks, this was the most horrible experience of your life, being stuck with me," she said. Pearl nodded.
"Okay, Miss Oldbag." She smiled her cute, little smile and bounced up and down. To think that one day, the old windbag looked like her, and one day, she would look like the old windbag, would send shivers down anyone's spine.

--Witness Testimony--
"I was walking down the hallway of Poems Galore, when I saw a most interesting sight."
...
"That's it?" Edgeworth asked, breaking the general silence of the courtroom. Franziska whipped Oldbag.
"We don't have any time to waste with this foolishly foolish..."
"I want Edgey-poo to press me...Like his life depended on it. Then, I'll continue," Oldbag answered, seemingly impervious to the whip. Edgeworth shuddered and looked pleadingly at the judge, who sighed and shook his head.
"I'm afraid, if this is the only testimony, it is your job as the defense to press it, unless there is a contradiction," the judge said. Edgeworth winced, eyes rolled to the back of his head, then he suddenly regained his composure.
"Very well, Your Honor," he responded, giving a characteristic bow. "Leave it to me to actually continue this trial." He looked Oldbag dead in the eye, with a defense-attorney-ish glare.
"Why are you glaring at me, Edgey-poo?" Oldbag asked innocently. "As I said, 'I was walking down the hallway of Poems Galore, when I saw a most interesting sight.'"
"Hold it!" Edgeworth shouted. "Miss Oldbag, what did you see?"
"Are you sure you want to know, Edgey-poo? It's devastating to your case," she answered. Edgeworth "tsk"ed.
"Indeed. The prosecution would not have called you testify otherwise," he said calmly. "But the truth will be revealed if you tell us all what you saw." Oldbag blushed hard.
"Edgey-poo...You look so handsome..." she commented. "And strong." Edgeworth forced himself not to cringe and to keep his composure.
"Er...Thank you, Miss Oldbag," Edgeworth said. "Now, please tell the court what you saw."
"Okay. I'll tell you." She took a deep, over-dramatic breath, all eyes upon her, Franziska looking as if she was just waiting for a chance to whip the old windbag for holding up her perfect case.

--Witness Testimony!--
"I was walking down the hallway of Poems Galore, toward the bathroom, to be more specific because I know Edgey-poo would want that kind of detail." She batted her eyes flirtatiously before continuing her testimony. "When I saw a most interesting sight."
"Through the open door of the men's room, I saw that whippersnapper, Phoenix Wright, holding a gun."
"I recognized him instantly because of his spiky hair and corny suit, since I know Edgey-poo would ask if I was sure that it was him. I mean, that's what that whippersnapper would ask if he was the defense, right? Right?"
The spectators started chatting, and the judge banged his gavel.
"See, Your Honor? There is no question in this old fool's mind that Phoenix Wright is guilty," Franziska said, leaning on the prosecutor's desk. "I think questioning her would be a waste of time..."
"Objection!" Edgeworth shouted forcefully, slamming his hand on the desk. "As a matter of fact, there are a few things with that testimony she could elaborate on." This is probably one of Franziska's traps, making her be pretty vague and giving me an opportunity to press, but I will have to go with it. This old woman is bound to slip up, and I will catch it when she does. The judge shook his head at Franziska.
"Unless Mr. Edgeworth gives up or says it is okay to move on, then he must cross-examine the witness," he said. Franziska whipped him.
"Since when did you get to be so smart?!" She shouted, whipping him again and again. "You are supposed to agree with me on everything to make the defense's job much harder!" She whipped him several more times before finally relinquishing her whip. The judge looked positively stunned and had tears in his eyes.
"Are you alright, Your Honor?" Edgeworth asked. The judge nodded.
"I just...can't believe Miss von Karma complimented me! She called me smart!" he answered, only to get whipped again.
"Don't let it go to your head," Franziska hissed. The judge banged his gavel again to quiet the spectators.
"You may now cross-examine, Mr. Edgeworth," the judge said. Edgeworth bowed.
"With pleasure, Your Honor." He bowed characteristically, then glared at Oldbag.
"I'm waiting, Edgey-poo," she cooed, blushing.

Pearl was not sure what to expect as she opened the door to Wright and Co. Would everyone shout "surprise"? She opened the door to see a gigantic curtain, covering up half of the room, and Phoenix, with his face powdered to make it look pale and his hair done neatly, not in its usual spikes, walking toward her.
"Ah, Miss Pearl Fey," he said. "I heard it was your birthday, and..."
"Mr. Nick? Why are you talking like that?" Pearl interrupted. Phoenix put his hand behind his head, like he normally did when he was embarrassed, but responded with, "I am not this 'Mr. Nick' you speak of. I am...Edward Cullen."
"Hmph. WHIPPERSNAPPER!" Oldbag shouted from behind Pearl. "Areyounotevengoingtogreetme, orareallyouvampirestooimpolitetogreetyourelderly?" Phoenix turned a shade of pink, even under his face powder.
"I know nothing of you," he said.
"I thought you vampires were supposed to know everything," Oldbag responded, pushing Pearl to the side. "Unlessyouaren'treallyavampire, andyoureallyarethatspikey-hairedwhippersnapperindisguise. AndI'msureyouare. Imean,it'snotlikeit'shardtotelloranything. Youcouldn'tevenfoolthelittlegirl. NOW BRING ME TO MY EDGEY-POO!!!" Phoenix cringed.
"Miss Oldbag..."
"AHA! So you do know of me!" Oldbag shouted triumphantly. "I don't care if you're a vampire or not, just bring me to my special someone!" Phoenix looked confused. "Special someone"? Did she get that from...? Oh, God. What did she tell Pearls? he thought frantically. He looked to Pearl, who was just looking disappointedly at the ground. She was at least hoping to see Maya when she opened the door.
"Look, Miss Oldbag, Mr. Edgeworth is not here right now. But, you know what? I bet he went to buy a nice present for Miss Pearl Fey, so he's probably in the jewelry store or..." He didn't need to finish his statement as Oldbag started running out the door.
"I'm coming, Edgey-poo!!!" she shouted. Phoenix shook his head.
"Anyway, Miss Pearl Fey, are you ready to receive your surprise?" Pearl nodded, still looking at the floor. Phoenix smiled slightly to himself. They would turn that frown upside-down by the time this was over. He led her to the one chair in front of the curtain and sat her down, then ran behind the curtain. Pearl sighed. Didn't they know she was too old for hide-and-seek?

After the play, Pearl just stared. ...Nah, just kidding. Here is what really happened:
Pearl stared glumly at the curtain. Now that she thought of it, it was strange the curtain was there at all. There was nothing there before she left with Oldbag...Then, the curtain opened to reveal a cardboard-cutout of an airport, Maya, and Iris (since Renee doesn't show up in the books too often and she looks more like Maya's mother than anyone, really), both of whom were walking through it.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Iris asked. Maya got tears in her eyes.
"Yes, I'm sure!" she replied with as much conviction as she could possibly fake while being so close to crying.
"O-okay, then," Iris said. "W-well, goodbye, Honey. I love you."
"Yeah, whatever! Just leave me alone!" Maya shouted. Iris looked stricken. "O-oh, wait, I was supposed to say, 'bye, I love you, too'. Musta said what I was thinking instead of what I was going to...well, okay, this is awkward." Iris shook her head and sighed.
"I know how much you hate Forks...You know you can stay at home, right?" she asked. "I don't even know why you're leaving, anyway..."
"I don't know why I'm leaving, either, but the whole book revolves around me going to Forks, so that's what I'll do! My real reasoning's never adequately explained!" Maya shouted. "Get~ Off~ My~ Back~
I'm doing what's best, heeere~
Stop questioning me~
Before I'm reduced to teeeaaars~" Tears welled in her eyes and she ran through the airport. Iris sighed.
"That could have gone better," she said, staring after her daughter. The curtain closed and Pearl gasped as Maya came back on. Someone was shining a flashlight down on her because there was no way they could set up spotlights in Wright and Co.
"My name is Bella Swan. At least, at this point in the story." She blushed slightly and Pearl giggled. So, this was their surprise. Their own version of Twilight. She should have known better than to think no one cared about her birthday. "I decided to go to Forks, Washington for some reason. Something to do with my mom and her boyfriend, I dunno. And...I..." She sniffed loudly and started crying. "I. Hate. Forks! I can't stand it! I'd sooner die than go there! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!! But I resolved to go, being the saint that I am, and this is the start of my story." The flashlight turned off and Pearl clapped. She could not wait to see the rest of the production and hoped that the person writing this fanfiction would not cut off after this sentence because she doesn't want to take up too much space with one part as well as wanting to fast-forward a bit in the next one.

--Cross-Examination--
"Through the open door of the men's room, I saw that whippersnapper, Phoenix Wright, holding a gun."
"Hold it!" Edgeworth shouted forcefully. "So, the door was open as you were walking by. You did not open it?"
"Of course not, Edgey-poo. I would never do anything of the sort. WhydoeseveryoneseemtothinkI'msomeoldpervertwhowoulddothingslikeopenbathroomdoors, anyway?" Edgeworth waited calmly for the old crone to finish before speaking.
"Miss Oldbag, what you just said is very important," he said.
"How so, Miles Edgeworth?" Franziska asked, raising her whip.
"Why would the door be open while she was walking by?" he answered readily. Franziska calmly leaned on her table and wagged her index finger.
"It's a restroom, Miles Edgeworth. I'm sure men come and go out of it all the time."
"Hmmm...That is true," Edgeworth said. "Miss Oldbag, did you see anyone come in or out before you reached the door?"
"Actually, yes, I did," Oldbag replied. "But not right before I was walking by. It looked to me that the door was stuck open."
"I see, Miss Oldbag. What did the man who exited look like?" Edgeworth asked.
"Objection!" Franziska shouted. "What does that question have to do with anything?"
"I believe the answer to this question is very important, Your Honor. It could lead to another possible witness or suspect," Edgeworth said calmly. The judge nodded.
"I think that question is relevant. Miss Oldbag, you may answer it." He then cringed as Franziska whipped the desk, barely missing him. She continued glaring at the judge, who pretended not to notice as Oldbag started speaking.
"The man had stitches down the face and wore a monocle." Edgeworth gasped. Oldbag saw...none other than Shelley DeKiller. He then smiled triumphantly.
"Your Honor, I request that all the information uncovered be appended to the testimony," he requested.
"Er...What information was that?" the judge asked stupidly under Franziska's glare.
"The door being stuck open and the appearance of the man she saw exiting the bathroom before she walked in should suffice. Both pieces of information are relevant," Edgeworth answered.
"Objection!" Franziska shouted. "I can understand about the man leaving the bathroom might be important, but why do you think the matter of the door being stuck open matters?"
"You just don't get it, do you, Franziska?" Edgeworth asked. Franziska looked shocked, then glared at him. Edgeworth wagged his index finger. "I don't believe the door being stuck open was merely a coincidence. I think someone wanted there to be a witness to this."
"But why would Phoenix Wright want that?" Franziska inquired. Edgeworth shook his head.
"He wouldn't," he answered. "And that is why it needs to be appended to her testimony." The judge banged his gavel to quiet the spectators.
"I think the defense has proven why both these issues are relevant," he said. "Miss Oldbag, please add what you said to your testimony." Oldbag giggled girlishly.
"Anything for my Edgey-poo," she said. Edgeworth felt shivers down his spine, but he forced himself to look calm, cool, and collected as he waited for Oldbag to add the information to her testimony.

--Cross-Examination, Part 2--
"I was walking down the hallway of Poems Galore, toward the bathroom, to be more specific because I know Edgey-poo would want that kind of detail, when I saw a most interesting sight."
"Through the open door of the men's room, I saw that whippersnapper, Phoenix Wright, holding a gun."
"I recognized him instantly because of his spiky hair and corny suit, since I know Edgey-poo would ask if I was sure that it was him. I mean, that's what that whippersnapper would ask if he was the defense, right? Right?"
"A man with stitches down his face and a monocle walked out of the bathroom and down the hallway before I got there, and it looked as if the door was stuck open when he walked away."
Edgeworth smiled. Finally, the defense's case was looking up.
"I recognized him instantly because of his spiky hair and corny suit..."
"Hold it!" Edgeworth shouted. It might be pointless to press now, but I think I am getting the idea of what really happened, and this might be vital. "Miss Oldbag, you testified to the effect that you saw this happening through an open door...Did you see my client from the front or from behind?" Oldbag laughed.
"Oh, Edgey-poo. Making sure you get every detail, even though you know the answer to the question already," she replied, batting her eyelashes and swooning.
"Please, answer anyway. I'm sure it is of the utmost importance," Edgeworth said. Oldbag swooned, sighing dreamily. Edgeworth guessed she was fantasizing about him and had to repress a shudder.
"I saw him from behind, to the side a bit so I could clearly see his gun, of course," she explained.
"Your Honor, I would like this information appended to the testimony," Edgeworth requested calmly.
"Er...Why? Is it important?" the judged asked, clueless.
"Indeed, it is, Your Honor. I think this is very important," Edgeworth asserted. The judge shook his head.
"Objection!" Franziska shouted. "I do not see why this foolish information is so needed." She leaned on her desk and wagged her index finger. "Miles Edgeworth, give me one good reason why it is important she saw Phoenix Wright from behind."
"Because, Franziska, if Miss Oldbag saw my client from behind...He could have been unconscious when she witnessed this!" Edgeworth shouted.
"Objection!" Franziska responded. "How could he possibly be unconscious while he is holding a gun?"
"I believe I have an answer to that, too," Edgeworth stated calmly. "A puppeteer."
"M-Miles Edgeworth, surely you aren't suggesting...?"
"Please, Your Honor, the prosecution asked for one good reason the information is relevant, and I stated one. If you ask the witness to add it, then all else will fall into place." The judge nodded, banging his gavel to quiet the spectators.
"The defense made its point. Miss Oldbag, if you could please append the information to your testimony..." the judge began.
"Of course. My Edgey-poo would never ask me to say anything unless it was important." She sighed, drifting off into another fantasy about Edgeworth, who stood calmly. All the pieces were coming together. But he still needed to find out who Shelly's real client was. And, for that matter, the victim of this case. Something he intended to find out as soon as he suspended the trial for the day.

I didn't make anything really new happen, but this is still an important part of the case. The next chapter, Edgeworth goes on the full assault.

"I got you a truck," Larry said proudly. Maya sighed and looked at it.
"This old piece of junk? ...I love it! Thanks, Daddy!" she shouted, hugging Larry.
"Er...Something's wrong here. You weren't supposed to love it," he said anxiously. Maya laughed.
"It's loud and obnoxious, like the person playing my character. Therefore, I LOVE it!" She jumped into the wooden truck and waited as the stage-hands wheeled it to the card-board cut out of the school. Then, the "spotlight" showed on Maya again.
"I had no idea that I would find the man of my dreams when I walked into that high school...Or that he'd be over 90 years older than me. Or that he would really be a vampire. I had always thought that I would have to wait at least until college to fall in love with someone." She smiled and Pearl clapped as the "spotlight" turned off and Maya walked into the classroom. And there was Phoenix, disguised as Edward. He glared at Maya from his table, as if he hated her, even though he didn't really talk to her.
"Oh, hi," Maya said casually. "All the other seats are taken. Can I sit here?"
"Do...whatever you want," Phoenix replied with difficulty. Maya took the seat.
"Thanks. I'm new here. And I'm a klutz. I nearly died ten times already, just by falling down."
"...Is that why...you have scrapes?" Phoenix asked.
"O-oh, yeah. I figure, I might as well let these wounds heal without band-aids. They're just little cuts, anyway."
"Y-you have...no idea..." The "spotlight" shown on Phoenix and he turned to look at Pearl.
"Iiiii~ Smeeeell blooood~
Comiiiing~ From heeer~
I cannot shake this thiiiing~
This thiiiirst~ And hungeeer~
How could thiiiiings~ Beeeeeee~ Wooooooorse~?" he sang, then knelt down. "It would be best if...I left for a while. I can't handle this...being around her. It's too much." The "spotlight" then left Phoenix and went to Maya.
"I didn't understand then why he was avoiding looking at me, and pretending not to notice me. I had assumed he hated me. Little did I realize, it was just the opposite. He loved me. Well, at least, the smell of my blood. I don't think he actually loved me at that point. But I knew I had a real crush on him, if I didn't already love him, so I was trying to do whatever I could to get his attention, but every time he looked at me, he cast me a glare full of hatred." Maya sighed.
"Edward was only doing what he thought he had to~
In order for me tooo survive~
Little did he know just how hard it would become~
To keep me aliiive~
Oh, Iiiii~ hope~ I didn't cause him too much troubleee~
I was coming to this place I hated to do the opposite~
And instead, I made all his inner fears churn and buubble~
Why, oh, whyyy~ Can't I do what I intended~
And make everything more simple~" She sighed once more. "Oh, that's right. Because I'm the main character. If I didn't do reckless stuff that kept the plot going, then no one would listen to my story, would they?" She smiled again. "Okay, depression gone...For the moment." The "spotlight" turned off and Pearl applauded.

Maya was walking to her truck, when suddenly a really gray was wheeled toward her. She turned toward it in slow-motion.
"Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooo!!!" she screamed in a really slow, really deep voice.
"Darn right, no!" Phoenix shouted, running in the way of the car as it bent around him as if it was aluminum foil. And it was made of aluminum foil, in all honesty. And then Phoenix sped off, leaving Maya alone in the street.
"What...just happened?" she asked dizzily. "I'm...alive? And he...saved me? But I thought...he hated me! And he moved with such speed...how did he do that? It's not humanly possible..."
"Yo, Bella, dude! Are you okay?" Larry asked, now disguised as a student. Maya nodded.
"I'm fine, Non-memorable character."
"Good. I was worried sick, dude, especially when that car crumpled around ya," Larry said, giving Maya a thumbs-up sign. The "spotlight" shone on Maya again.
"Iiiiii waaaaaaas saaaaaaved~
Iiiiiii waaaaaaas saaaaaaaaved~
But why and who saved me?~
I thought he hated me~ I was so sure of that fact~
I don't know how this could beeee~
If I explain hooow I feeel~
How this man saved me~
It won't sound reeal~
I was so close to death, yes, I was close~
Too close to deal~
Iiiii~ Wonder how it could be~ Oh, I still don't know~
How this could be reeeaaal~" The spotlight stopped shining and Pearl clapped.

Maya walked back to the cardboard cut-out of the school to see Phoenix there.
"H-hey, Edward."
"What do you want?!" Phoenix asked with forced ferocity.
"I just wanted to...thank you. For saving my life," Maya replied.
"What? I never saved your life, you psycho," Phoenix lied. Maya got tears in her eyes and ran away. Phoenix turned to Maggey. "She is so odd to think I saved her."
"Uh...I dunno, Sir. It did look like someone had to interfere to crumple that car up...Someone with super-strength," she said. Phoenix growled.
"I did NOT save her, gosh!" he shouted and stormed off. Maggey shook her head.
"I honestly don't know where he gets his emoness from. Must be a guy thing," she commented, then left the scene as well.

"Hey, I'm going shopping with my girlfriends, Edward. I promised them, okay?" Maya asked over the Styrofoam phone. Phoenix shook his head.
"Thanks for telling me, but how did you get my number?" he responded.
"Oh, ummm...It is implied you gave it to me at some point. Oh, and I hate blood. I think we skipped over that scene, so I might as well make that clear."
"Objection!" Phoenix shouted. "You need blood to survive! You're ridiculous!"
"That may be, and plus, with all the falling down and scraping myself up, you would think that, if I minded it so much, I would be getting dizzy and such every. Single. Day. But, well, apparently, this is one of the few character traits I have, so go with it, okay? Bye." Maya threw the Styrofoam phone and walked out the door.

"I was walking down the hallway of Poems Galore, toward the bathroom, to be more specific because I know Edgey-poo would want that kind of detail, when I saw a most interesting sight."
"Through the open door of the men's room, I saw that whippersnapper, Phoenix Wright, holding a gun."
"I recognized him instantly because of his spiky hair and corny suit, since I know Edgey-poo would ask if I was sure that it was him. I mean, that's what that whippersnapper would ask if he was the defense, right? Right?"
"A man with stitches down his face and a monocle walked out of the bathroom and down the hallway before I got there, and it looked as if the door was stuck open when he walked away."
"I only saw the spiky-haired whippersnapper from behind, but it was definitely him!" Edgeworth grinned.
"Your Honor, this is what the defense has been waiting for," he said calmly. "Now to show the court what the defense thinks happened, based on this testimony." He smirked.
"A man with stitches down his face and a monocle walked out of the bathroom and down the hallway before I got there, and it looked as if the door was stuck open when he walked away."
"Objection!" Edgeworth shouted. "Miss Oldbag...is this who you saw?" He presented Shelley DeKiller's profile. Oldbag sighed romantically.
"Oooooh, Edgey-poo. You are so smart," she cooed. "Yes, that was him." Edgeworth smirked. "Do you recognize this man, Franziska?" He showed the profile to her and she flinched.
"N-no...it can't be..."
"Yes, it is. This case involves Shelley DeKiller without a doubt!" he shouted.
"W-wait...Objection!" Franziska shouted. "She could be mistaken." Edgeworth shook his head.
"She seemed pretty sure." Franziska responded to this statement by whipping Oldbag.
"She. *whip* Must. *whip* Have. *whip* Bad. *whip* Eyesight!!!" she shouted. Oldbag glared at her as she was whipped.
"Youmustbeawhippersnapperthatwasneverlovedbyherparents. Iknowyouhaveatroubledpast, butdon'ttakeitoutonme! I'mtryingtohelp, here!!! AndhowamIrewarded? BybeingwhippedbytheverypersonI'mtryingtohelp! Idon'tthinkthat'sfair, do you?!" she screamed.
"Shut. Up!" Franziska shouted, continuing to whip Oldbag until she fainted. Then, she turned to Edgeworth. "She could not have seen Shelley DeKiller, Miles Edgeworth. First of all, we do not have his calling card into evidence. Secondly, it doesn't explain what Phoenix Wright was doing with a gun."
"Actually, I did find that bit of testimony suspicious, and that is why I went through all the trouble of her explaining at what angle she saw him from," Edgeworth said with a characteristic bow. "She claims Wright was holding a gun, but remember how the victim died, according to the autopsy report: multiple stab wounds and was beaten so savagely, the body could not be identified."
"S-so?" Franziska asked. "How do you explain that, you foolish fool?"
"I think Mr. DeKiller would be far too smart to make a blunder of that sort, so, I think his real client is the reason for Wright holding the gun. He or she was puppeteering my client's unconscious body!" Edgeworth responded.
"B-but, Wendy Oldbag--"
"Only saw him from behind, ergo, she could not know if he was conscious or not at the time!" Edgeworth interrupted, only to get whipped.
"This is...ludicrous! What about his semen sample on the body?! And the fact that he wasn't wearing any pants?!" Franziska shouted, whipping Edgeworth, who flinched but didn't scream. In fact, he kept a calm demeanor, despite the whip.
"I'm afraid I do not know how the semen sample made it onto the body...I think, that is something that can be answered, though. Think about it. This isn't anything like DeKiller. I think his real client not only puppeteered my client's body...He also put my client's semen onto the body, although, for what point and purpose, I do not know...The real client might also have Mr. DeKiller's calling card." Edgeworth explained, only to get whipped once more. "As for my client not wearing any pants...That is a question best asked later. But, Your Honor, you cannot deny that, under the circumstances, my client is no longer the most suspicious person on this case. In fact, he is the least suspicious." The judge banged his gavel to quiet the spectators and shook his head.
"I...I'm not sure what to say...Allow me to state my point of view," he said. "There is enough evidence that I am almost sure Mr. Wright was the only person who could have done this. Fingerprints on the knife, a semen sample, the fact that he was at the scene of the crime, bloody and pants-less...However, I cannot deny that everything the defense pointed out has some merit to it. Someone has forged fingerprints on a knife before, as we all know. I've never known anyone to also forge a semen sample, but I can't deny it's possible, either. I think we should investigate this matter further. I want the defense to find definitive proof that Mr. DeKiller was there, or else they do not have a leg to stand on, and I want the prosecution to make absolutely sure none of this evidence was forged or tampered with. If the witness said Mr. Wright was holding a gun when that is not a murder weapon, I would like one of you to find it and bring it into evidence tomorrow. I have a feeling it's important to getting to the truth of this matter." The judge banged his gavel. "I will suspend this trial for the day and allow you both to investigate. Court is adjourned."

"They're onto me!" ??? shouted. "Did you hear what they came up with in court? I'm doomed if they find out...I'm just a janitor!"
"Relax, Harry," DeKiller responded. "I just need to know if it is true that you forged evidence." Harry shook.
"Y-yes, I did, b-but, I p-panicked, man!" he shouted. DeKiller sighed.
"If you didn't do that, you would have been much better off, my good sir." Harry gulped. "However, there is no turning back now. I will see to it that Miles Edgeworth loses the case tomorrow. You just need to make sure nobody finds you and decides to call you in. Is that clear?" Harry sighed with relief.
"Th-thank you, Sir," he said before hanging up.
I had hoped the 'perfect' prosecutor would crush him, but oh, well. I guess we're doing things the hard way, Shelley thought as he headed out to steal one of Edgeworth's precious items.

As Maya walked around, she felt like she was being followed. And, indeed, when she turned around, she saw two people were following her. She quickened her pace, trying to lose them as she rounded the corner. When that failed, she started running, only for one guy to step out from the side, and she ran to the other one, only to be cut off by the fourth guy.
"W-what do you want?" Maya asked shakily.
"That's never actually explained," Larry's disguised voice answered. "But we are...supposedly...wanting you." All the men licked their lips and Maya shuddered. The spotlight shone on her.
"Okay, Bella. Just like someone taught you," she said. As the men closed in on her, she dropped into the fetal position. And that's when Phoenix arrived, picking her up and carrying her away.
"Th-thank you, Edward."
"No problem, Bella...But what the heck were you doing?" he inquired.
"Oh, I was curling up into the fetal position. That way, I could still breathe if they all decided to ambush me or something..." she answered. Phoenix shook his head.
"I thought you were supposed to be preparing to defend yourself," he responded.
"Well, that's just stupid, Edward. I mean, four-to-one, Ed! Four to one! They would clobber me, kill me! I have taken self-defense, but being so clumsy, I bet the furthest I would get is poking someone in the eye before I tripped and fell!" She buried her face into Phoenix's chest. "I was...so scared."
"You'd be even more scared if you could look into their minds and see what they were going to do to you." Maya teared up.
"Y-you know what has to happen now...Don't you?"
"What?" Phoenix responded.
"We have to sing!" Maya shouted. "After all, this is..." Phoenix shook his head.
"Not this time. I don't want you singing in this state," he interrupted, pulling Maya into a cardboard cutout of a restaurant. "Just get some food in you."

Maya chewed her food carefully, staring at Phoenix, who, of course, had not eaten a bite.
"You know, Edward...I have been thinking a lot about you, what you are..." she started.
"Oh, really? What do you think I am?" Phoenix asked curiously.
"Well, at first I was thinking you were Superman..." Phoenix laughed loudly. "But now...I'm thinking...
You're a vaaaaaaaaaaampire~
You're a vaaaaaaaaaaampiire~
You suck blood and never eeeexpire~
You have super strength and speed~
And you can have any woman yooou acquire~
Vampires are..."
"Okay, okay, stop singing," Phoenix interrupted. "So, you figured out that I am a vampire, huh? Are you scared?"
"You know, any logical person would be scared to find out their boyfriend is a blood-sucking freak of nature who could literally kill them at any moment, but I'm actually not scared," Maya answered. "But...I thought you vampires couldn't go out during the day." Phoenix chuckled.
"No, we can go out during the day, but we don't want to," he replied.
"Why not?" Phoenix leaned in close and stage-whispered his response.
"I'll show you some other time." And, with that, he grabbed her and carried her into the distance...Back home to Forks, of course.

Edgeworth was quite the unusual man. He had no items he seemed to really care about. But, no matter. Shelley De Killer knew he cared about Maya, but if he had a brain in his head, he would be keeping close watch on her, after what happened with Phoenix Wright. However, there was someone he was sure Edgeworth would want to save. Someone who was completely helpless. Someone even a heartless man would have to think twice before refusing to help. And he was looking at her now, through the windows of a run-down apartment that was owned by Detective Gumshoe.

It was great, spending time with Pearl. Gumshoe and her had just left Wright and Co. after a Pink Princess marathon, and now, she wanted to see his apartment. When she was in there, he could tell she was trying to be nice, but it was a dump and he knew it.
"Mr. Dick, I can fix this for you!" she said when Gumshoe looked at her with those sad puppy-dog eyes of his. "I'll clean this place until it sparkles!" And so it was that she started cleaning the apartment. Gumshoe kept an eye on her as he helped her clean. Too bad he didn't check his back until it was too late.

Edgeworth sighed with relief as the trial was suspended. He was far from out of the woods, but at least it was not a guilty verdict. Maya was congratulating him, and so was Phoenix, but Edgeworth wasn't paying much attention. He was busy planning his investigation and strategy for the trial the next day. He was so busy thinking about it that he spaced out, which he didn't notice until the bailiff was suddenly in front of him, holding a package out toward him.
"Mr. Edgeworth?" the bailiff asked for the how-many-eth time, now?
"My apologies, Bailiff," Edgeworth said, bowing his classical bow. "Is there any way I can help you?"
"This package arrived for you." The bailiff handed Edgeworth the package, then walked away. How odd.
"Ooh! You got a package, Miley?! Well, come on! Open it! I bet it's a nice giiift~" Maya sang. Edgeworth smiled slightly. Her enthusiasm was actually quite infectious. He carefully opened the package, not even tearing the wrapping paper as he did. What was inside made him raise an eyebrow.
"That's odd," he said.
"What is it?" Maya asked excitedly. "I bet it's something nice! Like a Steel Samurai figurine or..." A Steel Samurai figurine? Like there were any of those Edgeworth didn't already own!
"No, it's not that," Edgeworth answered, showing the object to her. "It's a transceiver. Now why would someone send that to me? Unless..." He paled, then shook his head. "No, it couldn't be." Maya looked at Edgeworth quizzically when the transceiver started ringing. Edgeworth couldn't keep his hands from shaking.
"Is this...Shelley DeKiller?" he asked. Maya gasped and paled as well. Worse than Edgeworth did. He pulled his head away from the transceiver. "You should sit down, Maya, and get yourself a glass of water."
"Well, well. You're quite...perceptive, aren't you, Mr. Edgeworth?" Shelley DeKiller asked. Edgeworth stiffened as Maya sat down. She wasn't far away, but Edgeworth was purposely speaking softly so she couldn't hear.
"What business do you have with me?" he responded.
"I am currently in possession of someone...important to you, no?" Edgeworth wondered what Shelley meant, but not for long. As soon as he heard Pearl's voice, he felt as if he was punched in the stomach.
"Mr. Eh-ji-worth? I'm scared..." Pearl's voice admitted.
"D-don't..." Edgeworth said hoarsely. He cleared his throat and adopted his usual composure. "Don't be, Pearl. We'll get this figured out."
"Oh, I'm sure she would have loved to hear that from you, Mr. Edgeworth," Shelley DeKiller's voice commented. "Unfortunately, it seems she could not." Edgeworth's fists clenched.
"What do you want from me, Mr. DeKiller?" he asked. His voice was shaking, despite his best efforts to sound calm.
"I want you to allow a 'guilty' verdict for your client tomorrow. If you do that, then she will live. If not, then I am afraid I will have no choice but to--"
"That won't be necessary," Edgeworth interrupted.
"Good boy. I will know your actions tomorrow. I hope you will not disappoint me." Shelley hung up, and all Edgeworth could do was shake all over, pale, looking like he had no pupils.
"Miley? Are you okay?" Maya asked.
"We have to talk to Franziska. Now," Edgeworth responded, shakily making his way toward the prosecutor's lobby. Maya followed, not entirely sure what was going on, but knowing if it involved Shelley DeKiller, it had to be bad.

"Bella, I want to show off my masculinity by playing the most athletic sport known to man and vampire: baseball. Are you in?" Phoenix asked.
"Isn't it a little...stormy...for baseball?" Maya responded.
"That is exactly the point," Phoenix said, winking. After a magical scene change, they were suddenly in the middle of a field that seemed miles wide. The stage couldn't even contain the characters, so it was just Phoenix and Maya on stage. "When we swing our bats, we make sounds like thunder because we hit so hard." Maya gasped.
"Doesn't that destroy the balls?" she asked.
"Heh, heh. You said 'balls'," was Phoenix's witty retort as he grabbed the aluminum bat. "Get behind me, Bella, so I can protect you from this violent game."
"Well, you know me! I always need protection!" Maya chimed, getting behind Phoenix. Then, much to his dismay, she started singing again.
"Taaaaaaaaaaaake me out to the baaaaaaaaaall gaaaaaame~
Taaaaaake me out to the croooooooooooooooooooowwwwwd~"
"That song, Bella? Seriously? That doesn't even--" CRACK! He swung the bat into the ball and the sucker went flying off-stage, sailing above Pearl's head and out the door. It was Phoenix's last good ball, too! He bit his lip so as not to whine. Baseballs cost money, and he could already feel the money draining from his wallet from replacing it. It didn't sound like a lot of money, but when you put in the fact that every time he went out to do something, Maya and Pearl went along, and usually begged for burgers, along with the gas money for traveling? Yeah. Pretty hefty price for one ball that he never uses.
"I think that counts as a home run!" Maya shouted, delighted, hugging Phoenix, who tried his best not to blush.
"Yeah. I don't think they'll ever find that one." Somehow, Phoenix managed to keep the despair out of his voice. Three people started approaching, and Phoenix tensed, moving to protect Maya better. Would the three be bad news or not?

Edgeworth walked so briskly, Maya had to jog to keep up.
"Miley, what is going on?" she wondered breathlessly. Edgeworth didn't answer. He just kept walking. Why wouldn't he say anything? She puffed her cheeks angrily. "Hey! I've been your assistant this whole time! I deserve to know! What did Shelley DeKiller want with you?" Edgeworth knocked on the lobby door.
"Wait out here, Maya." His voice sounded strained.
"No! I'm coming w--" she started to say, but one look at his face made her stop short. In the few minutes it took to walk to the prosecutor's lobby, he looked like he had aged years. The bags under his eyes that had practically disappeared were back and more pronounced than ever, and he was paler than she had ever seen him.
"Please, Maya," he said shortly. Maya nodded and walked away, still confused. Edgeworth took a deep breath as Franziska opened the door.
"Why, hello, Miles Edgeworth," she greeted, glaring at him coldly. "What brings you here, Little brother?" She raised her whip and Edgeworth looked at her with a tired expression.
"Franziska, I need your help. May I come in? I may be a defense attorney for this case, but I am still a prosecutor, after all," he answered suavely. Franziska's glare only hardened, but she did indeed step aside and let him in, closing the door behind her. Maya hoped Edgeworth knew what he was doing...

"Who are you three?" Phoenix asked wearily.
"Who are we?!" Lotta responded in her accent. "Reckgiven! We're the obvious villains. The only ones in this entire book, cuz someone's gotta do it, right? Don't worry, though! After this, I cameo, but I'm not really a big threat!" Phoenix's brow furrowed.
"Okay, and so...why are you here?" he asked.
"To taunt you, dude!" Larry replied, giving Phoenix a thumbs-up sign before looking to Maya and licking his lips. "And comment on how tasty Bella over there looks. She'd make a nice entree!"
"E-entree?" Maya stuttered.
"Okay, fine. You'd be more like dessert. Because you smell that sweet," Larry said, winking.
"You'll have to go through me to get her," Phoenix threatened, growling at Larry.
"Well, I could kick your butt any day in a fight, but since I'm outnumbered, I won't do anything but cast Bella a nasty look. Oh, and the other guy in our group is supposed to be important somehow, but he really isn't. I wonder why we even bring him along."
"There has to be one among us who is smart," said, guess who? That's wrong! It was Trilo, the puppet! Ha! Weren't expecting that, were you?
"Smart? More like 'wooden', dude!" Larry retorted.
"He's such a stick in the mud! Can'tcha let us have fun?" Lotta snapped at Trilo.
"Look, I didn't ask to cameo here and be stuck with you losers," came Trilo's insulting reply.
"Anyway, we'll just disappear now. But I will be back for my dessert." He licked his lips and Trilo, Lotta, and Larry all walked offstage. Well, okay, Trilo more like floated off-stage. Ben was really controlling him through strings from above, because it would kind of take away the magic if he was holding Trilo as usual.
"Iiiiiiii~ Iiiiiiiiii~ Iiiiiiiiii~ I'm now in daaanger~" Maya started singing.
"Whaaaaaaaaaaat should I do~?
Daaaaaanger~
Whaaaat could be done~?
Daaaaaaaaaaa~ aaaaaaaaaaaa~ aaaaaaaaa~ aaaaaaaa~ aaaaaaaanger~
It's eeeeev'rywhere I tuuuuurn~"
"Doon't woorry, Beeellaaa~" Phoenix sang.
"I wiiiill protect you~
No haaarm will coome to you~
I would die for you~
You know that, right~?"
"Eeeedward is so niice, but he can't protect me all the tiiime~"
"Oh, but I caaan~ Because I am immortal, you know."
"I don't want a vampire stalker, Edward!" Maya suddenly shouted and ran off. Phoenix stared after her.
"Teenagers," he said exasperatedly, then, he, too, walked offstage. The crew quickly set up for the next scene.

"Take that!" Edgeworth exclaimed, presenting the transceiver. "Take a look at this, Franziska." Franziska grinned cockily.
"Is my little brother fascinated with walkie-talkies again?"
"No, Franziska. You are missing the point. This is a transceiver that Shelley DeKiller just used to contact me," Edgeworth answered, trying to keep his voice steady. Franziska paled slightly.
"Well, then, Miles Edgeworth, your client is definitely guilty if--"
"He wanted me to throw this case," Edgeworth interrupted. Franziska looked as if someone just punched her in the shoulder and she cringed.
"That's not possible! You must be lying! Foolish fool who foolishly spews foolish--"
"Franziska...I need you to help me with this. We will never know the identity of the real killer unless we save her."
"Save who, Miles Edgeworth?"
"Pearl Fey," Edgeworth responded. "We can stall long enough for the detective to find him."
"How do you propose we do that, Miles Edgeworth? Won't he kill her once he knows you are not throwing the case?" Edgeworth smirked.
"Then we can't let him know I'm not throwing it, can we?" And from there, he told Franziska the plan of how to stall the trial without making it obvious that that was what they were doing.

"Hey, Edward...I kinda have to leave," Maya said. "I'm going back to Phoenix."
"What? Why? Don't you love me?!" Phoenix asked.
"I do, but let's just say, hypothetically, that an evil vampire is, well, hypothetically, holding my mom hostage, so, hypothetically, he can kill me, but hypothetically suck my blood first because, hypothetically, I smell that good! Then I'd have to go, you know?" Maya replied awkwardly. Phoenix raised an eyebrow.
"Is that what's happening?" he pressed.
"Oh, no! It's all purely hypothetical!"
"Oh, that's a relief. Well, have fun, then," Phoenix said and walked offstage. Maya sighed after him.
"Iiiii'm all aaalooone~" she sang.
"Aaaalll on my ooooowwwwn~
Byyyy myyyseeeelf~
Awaaaay from all myyy friiends~
Aaaand Edwaaaard~ Who is more than a friieeend~
I maaaayyy be on my waaaay~
To diiiiiieeee~"
Pearl burst into tears as she watched.
"No! Mystic Maya! Don't think like that! It'll be okay!" Pearl shouted, forgetting about the fact that she is watching a play. Maya faltered, then smiled sadly at Pearl.
"I'm ooon death's dooor~"
"No, Mystic Maya! No!"

Backstage, Phoenix and Edgeworth were hearing Pearl's protests.
"Do you really think she'll be okay to watch this? It gets pretty violent," Edgeworth whispered.
"Oh, now you point that out?!" Phoenix asked. "Look, it'll be fine. It has a good ending." Phoenix stuck his head through the curtain. "Pssst, Maya, maybe you should stop singing."
"Pssst, Phoenix, maybe you should stop breaking the fourth wall," Maya whispered back to Phoenix. She looked back at Pearl and smiled one more time as the lights went out for a scene change.

"Whatcha doin', Nick?" Maya asked in the typical way Lida starts a fanfic.
"Ah, perfect timing, Maya. I just finished uploading a video onto youtube," Phoenix answered. "Come on and watch it."
"Oh, you made a video? Let's see!" Maya said excitedly. Phoenix nodded and clicked the "play" icon. The video camera zoomed in on Edgeworth, while Phoenix's voice shouted, "Hey, Edgeworth!"
"What is it, Wright?" Edgeworth wondered.
"I object to your hair!" Phoenix's voice exclaimed, then the camera jerked up and down as he (presumably) ran away. As soon as he thought he was safe, he pointed the camera at himself. "Congratulations, Edgeworth. You just got Phoenix'd." The video ended and Maya looked perplexed.
"I don't get it, Nick..."
"Oh, yeah? Well, apparently, someone by the username: somerandomperson111 loved it! Look at the comment! The 'lol wonder if ull do more'. See? I'm hilarious!"
"I don't know..." Maya said.
"Oh, yeah? Well, I'll show you when I upload this next video! You'll see! Phoenixing is going to be the new fad!" Phoenix shouted excitedly. All Maya could do was watch as he started uploading another video.

"Hey, Detective Gumshoe!" Phoenix's voice shouted.
"Yeah, pal?"
"I object to your face!" Yet again, the camera jiggled and jerked as Phoenix ran and he pointed the camera at himself. "Congratulations, Detective Gumshoe. You just got Phoenix'd."
Maya watched the video silently. She didn't find this funny at all, yet his video had already exceeded 1000 views in one day. Maybe this would become a fad...

"Hey, Ema Skye!"
"What do you need?"
"I object to your pink sunglasses and lab coat!" He ran away again, pointed the camera to himself, and said, "Congratulations, Ema. You just got Phoenix'd."
This was even more popular than the other two. Phoenix gained quite a following. There were only, like, 5 dislikes to the now thousands of likes. How on earth did dorky humor like this become so popular?

"Hey, hey, Franziska von Karma!"
"What is it, Phoenix Wright?"
"I object to your whip!" Maya could hear Phoenix get whipped as he ran, a couple of times nearly falling on the camera. When he pointed it at himself, his clothes were torn where the whip hit him. "Congratulations, Franziska. You just got Phoenix'd." This was his most popular yet, getting into the tens of thousands in a day. Maya sighed. She just wanted Nick to stop before he hurt himself. There had to be a way to stop him! And that was when it hit her. The one thing that would make him stop at this madness. She shuddered inwardly as she grabbed the video camera...