Re: Decisive Evidence (Spoilers)(PhoenixXMaya)(Completed)
Gender: Male
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Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2007 8:23 pm
Posts: 261
Nah, just kidding. Anyway, seeing as how it is called 'Decisive Evidence', and I myself have written a story called 'Inconclusive Evidence', I just had to check it out! xD
The characters are, for the most part, very well written. You've spotted some of the more minor idiosyncrasies and character traits which other people might miss, and a couple of times, you've nailed their reactions spot on compared to how I think they should react to a given situation. I like your portrayal of Mia best, though Maya, Edgeworth and Franziska were pretty good, too.
You've also got some good humor going there. Phoenix asking Franny about doodling on the evidence is priceless, as is the bit with Maya's diary at the end. At first I just thought it ludicrous that Maya would keep a diary and address it as 'Dear Diary', but the 'Dear Diary, I think I may need to have you examined for fingerprints' line is pure genius and makes it work!
I also noticed you made use of the fact that Mia sometimes appears to Phoenix without anyone needing to channel her. People like to forget about that or ignore it, so that's pretty good.
Personally, I found Phoenix angsting over Maya's response and trying to deny his feelings a bit annoying as a story premise, and everyone trying to play matchmaker on Phoenix seemed just a tad contrived (I think Edgeworth might just try to do something if he sees Phoenix act the way he does in this story, but I believe it would be a pithy comment or two at most, rather than taking him aside and giving him a whole talk. Still, I really liked the way you had Phoenix and Edgeworth interact. It was a good way to show that they are friends in the end, without any needless homoerotic undertones. Well done!
Quote:
Taiyama, Thanks for the feedback. I'm not a bad writer, but I think I lack something that the "Great" Writers have. But I'm not sure what it is (Well, besides proper grammar) Anyway, I'll keep at it. I'll have more time when I get done with school, so more time for my muse to poke me into writing.
That's the spirit. I've been writing fanfiction on and off for more than six years now, and I've seen tremendous improvements in my own writing skills over this period. I wish you success in your future endeavors!
If you are looking to improve yourself, I would suggest trying to put as little plot constraints on characters as possible. I'm firmly of the opinion that the plot of your story should never get in the way of how a character would naturally act. If a character, left to his/her own devices, would do something that goes contrary to what I want to have happening in my story, it should be the plot that needs to give way. If the characters seem like they don't want to play along and you really don't want to give up that plot you've got in your head, you just need to work harder and go to that bit of extra effort to make it work using only small, subtle nudges. The more natural and less forced the character's actions and dialogue feels, the more real the story will feel and the better your readers' immersion will be. This kind of believability is what makes or breaks a story in the end.
I'm not sure how much of this actually applies to you - maybe your images of the characters are different from mine and all of them encouraging Phoenix to confess doesn't seem contrived to you. In that case, that's just fine. It would be boring if everyone interpreted the characters the same way.
If you're interested, check out the link in my sig for a different version of a post-T&T 'Phoenix and Maya finally get together' story. 'Ultra Course' follows up on Pearl's words in the credits where she says she'll have them take an even more advanced training course than the Special Course for which they came to Hazakura Temple in the first place. 'Inconclusive Evidence' is a fun piece written from Pearl's perspective where she 'investigates' Fey Manor during the night to look for evidence of Phoenix and Maya's relationship but finds more than she bargained for. Feel free to check them out if this sounds interesting, and let me know what you think!
Quizer
Ultra Course - A Phoenix/Maya fanfiction by Quizer
Quizer's fanfiction thread - Last update: Inconclusive Evidence Part 1/3 (Jan 07, 2008)
Re: Decisive Evidence (Spoilers)(PhoenixXMaya)(Completed)
Never mess with a kid with an agenda
Gender: Male
Rank: Prosecutor
Joined: Thu Feb 21, 2008 5:01 pm
Posts: 677
I have to say, thanks very much for your words Quizer, I'm glad that overall you enjoyed the story. It was one that I had a lot of fun writing. You're probably right, I think I may have pushed it a little with some of the characters poking him, Probably Edgeworth the worst. It's a shaky one though, as I could see him swallowing his pride to try and poke Phoenix towards happiness, after all, Phoenix did help him clear up his daddy issues.
Sorry it's taken so long to come back here, I'm bad about that even with sites I like, I just disappear for awhile and come back...sometime. Anyway, I'll certainly check out your stories and give them a review since you were kind enough to do so for me. Many thanks and I hope you get to see this reply and haven't disappeared from the site yourself
Sig links to my fanfic. MayaXPhoenix. Romance/humor. Final chapter is up.
Re: Decisive Evidence (Spoilers)(PhoenixXMaya)(Completed)
:)
Gender: Female
Location: UK
Rank: Ace Attorney
Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2009 11:33 pm
Posts: 3478
Re: Decisive Evidence (Spoilers)(PhoenixXMaya)(Completed)
don't lok at his eye. ARGH i looked
Gender: Female
Rank: Suspect
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 8:20 am
Posts: 49
<3 forever
Re: Decisive Evidence (Spoilers)(PhoenixXMaya)(Completed)
Gender: Female
Location: Sydney
Rank: Medium-in-training
Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2009 2:19 pm
Posts: 398
Lol, i especially like the part when Phoenix was battling in court in his mind.
Made by me :D
Re: Decisive Evidence (Spoilers)(PhoenixXMaya)(Completed)
Real men are gray-haired in their 20s.
Gender: None specified
Rank: Medium-in-training
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2009 3:03 am
Posts: 566
Quote:
Good romance is hard to write believably
And that is why, no matter how much I love fics like this, I will probably never actually be able to write one...
So it's a good thing there are authors like you out there who are able to fill the gap. If you can believe it, I'd actually gone off Phoenix/Maya a bit because I felt like no one was writing any good ones lately, but fics like yours (and those of justis76 and Quizer) remind me why I loved the pairing in the first place.
Thanks for the wonderful read!
Totally not my sig...
Re: Decisive Evidence (Spoilers)(PhoenixXMaya)(Completed)
Never mess with a kid with an agenda
Gender: Male
Rank: Prosecutor
Joined: Thu Feb 21, 2008 5:01 pm
Posts: 677
I really am thankful to all the people who've written me comments and reviews. It makes me want to write more, of course my life has been terribly busy
lately, so I haven't had a lot of time, but still, I'll try and make anew story if I can find some free time.
Sig links to my fanfic. MayaXPhoenix. Romance/humor. Final chapter is up.
Re: Decisive Evidence (Spoilers)(PhoenixXMaya)(Completed)
^_^
Gender: Female
Rank: Desk Jockey
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2009 8:56 am
Posts: 76
really well written
I am a Phoenix/Maya shipper
I also support Fransizka/Edgeworth, Mia/Diego and Apollo/Vera.
I also support Fransizka/Edgeworth, Mia/Diego and Apollo/Vera.
Re: Decisive Evidence (Spoilers)(PhoenixXMaya)(Completed)
"Prove it."
Gender: Female
Location: Colorado
Rank: Suspect
Joined: Sat Aug 14, 2010 8:57 pm
Posts: 1
Normally, I don't even like fan-fiction, but Phoenix/Maya is one of my all time favorite pairings, and today I stumbled upon this by accident. Thank you for writing it. It made me smile.
Re: Decisive Evidence (Spoilers)(PhoenixXMaya)(Completed)
Captain Hair!
Gender: Male
Location: California
Rank: Decisive Witness
Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2010 5:56 pm
Posts: 266
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