White Phoenix
There was nothing else he could do. No, there was nothing. There never was anything. The rain was gently, yet coldly falling on the translucid windows of this office. This office, where everything began. But tonight, it was the end. He had chosen her over Justice. He had chosen a single person's life over Justice, and paid a terrible price for it. All his life, his ideals, everything was burnt to the ground as if made of wood. He had chosen to save that person's life, but lost that very person's life in return. He just couldn't stand being here, in this very office, where everything began. Two stories, two lives, No, he couldn't bear it. He felt like he was... he was... There was nothing he could do, he said. He thought nothing could possibly be done, nothing, nothing, nothing. Kneeling on the floor, he was crying, but there was not a single tear flowing, on his cheeks. Alone. He was alone, all alone, in this very office, where everything began.
Hours, and hours. Still, he did not move. No, he did not move, still kneeling on the floor, trying to cry out this pain. Always the same pain, over and over again. He just could not stand being here. But there was nowhere he could go to, no place to escape to. How did I arrive there, he thought. I don't know, I just can't possibly know, anything, I never knew, nothing. I thought I knew, but ideals just melted like snow in the sun. Just one man, and all his life was over. One choice he made, and everything. Over, that's all. End of the story. He chose her over Justice. Then, he realised... he was just a man, a man whose soul had been crushed by the weight of the very ideals that helped him carry on till the bitter end. But now, everything was over, and there was nothing he could do, anymore. There never was anything he could do. Ever since that phone call, he knew. He knew everything was over. Justice or Her ? The sun, or just a single star, shining in this lonely sky ? But the clouds, hiding the moon, he couldn't see it anymore. He just couldn't stand being there, standing in this very office, where lied the weight of his ideals, still crushing the ruins of his shattered soul. He just couldn't bear what he had become.
He did not understand, or rather, he just would not understand. Why, he just wanted her to be there, by his side. It was for her sake he had been fighting for justice all these years, for her and for this angel that showed him the snowy path he had to walk. He remembered snow falling gently on this silent plain, where he met her. Then she died, and in one last ray of light, showed him this star. This star, he would have to protect all his life, this very star he had just lost sight of, a few hours ago. The star was crying, crying the tears he just couldn't cry, and never managed to cry. But the weight of his ideals was still killing him, soflty, gently, just like snow falling endlessly on the snowy plain, where everything began. Autumn, then Spring, Summer, everything went by and is now gone. Away from him, away from his life and this very office, stained by his own selfishness. Why, he was but a man. A man crushed by the weight of his foolish ideals! He had lost everything, and there was nothing he could do about it. Just... nothing. Absolutely nothing. He was alone, here.
Rain was still falling outside, but no moon shining in the white sky, no angel flying, no star shining, everything was black. Yet, why was everything so bright ? So bright, darkness was so bright, in this office, on this plain, but now, the snowy path had come to an end. Justice has finally come. He thought, maybe this was the end. He did not know, there was nothing he could possibly know out there, now that his ideals had crushed his soul to pieces. No, there was nothing left for him, not even death. He called her name in the night, so loudly, so loudly but he couldn't cry. He couldn't cry out this pain, this suffering, why, is that Justice, he thought. Forgive me, he said, forgive me for what I've done. Forgive me, I just couldn't follow the path you showed me, my angel. I lost sight of that star, I promised to protect with my life, my ideals... Forgive me for what I've become.
Never, would he be able to see those eyes, shining like lonely stars in a moonless sky, anymore. Never, would he ever be able to see her hair, flowing silently in the air, gently caressed by the soft and lukewarm wind, anymore. Never, would he ever be able to hear her voice, feel her skin under his fingers, anymore, that was it. He had lost everything, everything. But there was nothing left for him to cry for, even his memories were silently beginning to fade, softly, just like the wind, taking with him the last leaves of a withered tree, to a land where snow didn't fall, and never will, a land where everything was so silent, and yet, so much noise, so much noise out there, and no wind.
Then, a door opening. A door opening, and then closed. Maybe that was the end, or maybe, just the beginning. Some footsteps. But he did not hear anything. He could not hear anything. There was nothing in this room, nothing, nothing but snow, and some memories on the floor, shattered to pieces. Why, couldn't he see it. And then, two arms, seizing him firmly, as if they would never let him go again. He felt her then, pressing her body upon his back, and her heart, beating, thumping madly in her chest. She was crying, crying the tears he just couldn't cry, crying out the pain he just couldn't cry out. Come back, she said. Please, come back.
I...please, I beg you he said. I... I don't want to die, I don't want to die.
I'm here, she said, and it's high time, for you, to go, and come back. See, the cherry-tree, up there, on that hill. It's blooming. It's high time for you to come back, Phoenix. I'm here, and I just won't leave you alone, as long as this star will keep on shining, as long as this angel will keep on singing in this white sky. I beg you, Phoenix, it's high time for you, to come back... Don't forget this light, you showed me, that night, when we both lost everything. Remember, please. And come back to this light.
Will you... he said, but no, there was nothing, she said, to be forgiven for. No apologies, nothing. How could she possibly hate him for what he had become. How could I possibly hate you, for loving, me ?... she said, and then, spoke no more. Everything was silent.