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Cherry Tree Blossoms (White Phoenix v.2, ~2-4 spoilers)Topic%20Title
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Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 12:20 pm

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Well, I've been thinking of writing a short-story based on Phoenix Wright, but I just couldn't find the time to do so.
These past few days, I really had an urge to write this short-story, and here it is ^^ (You can say 'Thank you' to the holidays !)

But before I give the short-story for you to read, I'd just like to give you a little information about it. Please read the following carefully ! :notes:

1) First of all, I feel the need to remind you that English is NOT my native language. So please be aware that my English, in this short-story is far from perfect (in my opinion, even though it's far from being awful... it just might not sound genuine enough to your english native-speakers ears). To begin with, there might be some/a lot of/so much mistakes you can't even read (grammar and such). If you ever find any, please notify me as soon as possible, so I can correct them. Also, I'm not (yet) able to play with words the same way I use to when I'm writing in French, so you may find some of the images and metaphors in this text a little bit awkard or... well, I don't know ^^"
2) Please read the whole short-story. Then read the 'spoiler' tag just under the short-story's. And then, you'll notice this is NOT an unrelated short-story. Then, read it a second time. But please... READ THE SHORT-STORY FIRST ! :zap: (It's very important... read 3) ^^)
3) Don't ask me to explain the meaning of it. Just read, and feel free to give me any comment (constructive one, please). I love when people give me their OWN interpretations of my writings. I find this way more interesting than giving you my interpretation ! This way, even myself rediscover what I wrote in the first place ^^
4) I think that's all I had to say.... now, here's the short-story ! Hope you will like it :gant-clap:

LOLOLOLOL... I really should have re-read it more carefully ! >.> :payne:

Spoiler:
White Phoenix


There was nothing else he could do. No, there was nothing. There never was anything. The rain was gently, yet coldly falling on the translucid windows of this office. This office, where everything began. But tonight, it was the end. He had chosen her over Justice. He had chosen a single person's life over Justice, and paid a terrible price for it. All his life, his ideals, everything was burnt to the ground as if made of wood. He had chosen to save that person's life, but lost that very person's life in return. He just couldn't stand being here, in this very office, where everything began. Two stories, two lives, No, he couldn't bear it. He felt like he was... he was... There was nothing he could do, he said. He thought nothing could possibly be done, nothing, nothing, nothing. Kneeling on the floor, he was crying, but there was not a single tear flowing, on his cheeks. Alone. He was alone, all alone, in this very office, where everything began.

Hours, and hours. Still, he did not move. No, he did not move, still kneeling on the floor, trying to cry out this pain. Always the same pain, over and over again. He just could not stand being here. But there was nowhere he could go to, no place to escape to. How did I arrive there, he thought. I don't know, I just can't possibly know, anything, I never knew, nothing. I thought I knew, but ideals just melted like snow in the sun. Just one man, and all his life was over. One choice he made, and everything. Over, that's all. End of the story. He chose her over Justice. Then, he realised... he was just a man, a man whose soul had been crushed by the weight of the very ideals that helped him carry on till the bitter end. But now, everything was over, and there was nothing he could do, anymore. There never was anything he could do. Ever since that phone call, he knew. He knew everything was over. Justice or Her ? The sun, or just a single star, shining in this lonely sky ? But the clouds, hiding the moon, he couldn't see it anymore. He just couldn't stand being there, standing in this very office, where lied the weight of his ideals, still crushing the ruins of his shattered soul. He just couldn't bear what he had become.

He did not understand, or rather, he just would not understand. Why, he just wanted her to be there, by his side. It was for her sake he had been fighting for justice all these years, for her and for this angel that showed him the snowy path he had to walk. He remembered snow falling gently on this silent plain, where he met her. Then she died, and in one last ray of light, showed him this star. This star, he would have to protect all his life, this very star he had just lost sight of, a few hours ago. The star was crying, crying the tears he just couldn't cry, and never managed to cry. But the weight of his ideals was still killing him, soflty, gently, just like snow falling endlessly on the snowy plain, where everything began. Autumn, then Spring, Summer, everything went by and is now gone. Away from him, away from his life and this very office, stained by his own selfishness. Why, he was but a man. A man crushed by the weight of his foolish ideals! He had lost everything, and there was nothing he could do about it. Just... nothing. Absolutely nothing. He was alone, here.

Rain was still falling outside, but no moon shining in the white sky, no angel flying, no star shining, everything was black. Yet, why was everything so bright ? So bright, darkness was so bright, in this office, on this plain, but now, the snowy path had come to an end. Justice has finally come. He thought, maybe this was the end. He did not know, there was nothing he could possibly know out there, now that his ideals had crushed his soul to pieces. No, there was nothing left for him, not even death. He called her name in the night, so loudly, so loudly but he couldn't cry. He couldn't cry out this pain, this suffering, why, is that Justice, he thought. Forgive me, he said, forgive me for what I've done. Forgive me, I just couldn't follow the path you showed me, my angel. I lost sight of that star, I promised to protect with my life, my ideals... Forgive me for what I've become.

Never, would he be able to see those eyes, shining like lonely stars in a moonless sky, anymore. Never, would he ever be able to see her hair, flowing silently in the air, gently caressed by the soft and lukewarm wind, anymore. Never, would he ever be able to hear her voice, feel her skin under his fingers, anymore, that was it. He had lost everything, everything. But there was nothing left for him to cry for, even his memories were silently beginning to fade, softly, just like the wind, taking with him the last leaves of a withered tree, to a land where snow didn't fall, and never will, a land where everything was so silent, and yet, so much noise, so much noise out there, and no wind.

Then, a door opening. A door opening, and then closed. Maybe that was the end, or maybe, just the beginning. Some footsteps. But he did not hear anything. He could not hear anything. There was nothing in this room, nothing, nothing but snow, and some memories on the floor, shattered to pieces. Why, couldn't he see it. And then, two arms, seizing him firmly, as if they would never let him go again. He felt her then, pressing her body upon his back, and her heart, beating, thumping madly in her chest. She was crying, crying the tears he just couldn't cry, crying out the pain he just couldn't cry out. Come back, she said. Please, come back.
I...please, I beg you he said. I... I don't want to die, I don't want to die.
I'm here, she said, and it's high time, for you, to go, and come back. See, the cherry-tree, up there, on that hill. It's blooming. It's high time for you to come back, Phoenix. I'm here, and I just won't leave you alone, as long as this star will keep on shining, as long as this angel will keep on singing in this white sky. I beg you, Phoenix, it's high time for you, to come back... Don't forget this light, you showed me, that night, when we both lost everything. Remember, please. And come back to this light.
Will you... he said, but no, there was nothing, she said, to be forgiven for. No apologies, nothing. How could she possibly hate him for what he had become. How could I possibly hate you, for loving, me ?... she said, and then, spoke no more. Everything was silent.


Spoiler: 2-4 and 1-2, maybe ?
Title: White Phoenix
Author: L~A (that is, myself ^^)
Rating: 3+ (If you're less than 3 year old, you just can't read it my dear :hair: )
Genre: Huh... Laurentian short-story, I think...
Status: Complete
Pairing: Phoenix x Maya (I think... and yes, I know Maya always calls Phoenix 'Nick', I know that... :p)
Summary: This short-story supposedly takes place at the end of 2-4. More specifically, it's the 'bad' ending that's concerned, not the good one. It relates what happens once the trial is over. Of course, it's totally different from the game's ending, as you will see when you've read the whole thing. Also, there is a reference to the events of 1-2.


So as to end this post, and start waiting for your commentaries, I'll just say I had a wonderful time writing this short-story, and I really hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you will like it as much as I did take pleasure in writing it. But if you don't like it, just don't say : 'Hey, that's wonderful, that's the best thing I've ever read in my whole life, sure it is !' Please be sincere, or else... :uramidn:

***
Update 2009.04.28

The new version of this fic, now called Cherry Tree Blossoms, is now available ! Click here to read it ^^
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Last edited by L~A on Tue Apr 28, 2009 7:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: White Phoenix (possible 2-4 spoilers)Topic%20Title
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Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 3:28 pm

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great story ^^ :phoenix:
you did a pretty good job writing in english, considering its not your native language - it was pretty much perfect grammar all the way! i noticed that the story was a bit repetitive at the beginning, but other than that, i enjoyed it =] :maya:
from kitty sneeze
xxx
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Re: White Phoenix (possible 2-4 spoilers)Topic%20Title
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Hey! Glad to hear that at least ONE person read my short-story, and furthermore, it seems that person also liked it ^^
About the grammar, I'm pleased to hear there wasn't too many mistakes... since I'm studying English language and litterature at the university, I'd better not make too many mistakes with grammar xD
That I'm studying it may also explain why I managed to write in a language that not my native language... even though I must admit it was no easy thing... but I took so much pleasure in writing this short-story, I'm so glad to see someone liked it :edgy:

Even though this story strength comes from the repetitions, I reckon I may have overdone it a little bit... well, it seems that was not too much, hopefully ! And I'm also very glad that I managed to overcome the language barrier... ^^
I'll see whether I'll write another one... now kitty_sneeze, you really made me want writing another one :notes:

By the way, thank you very much for reading ! :gant-clap:
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Last edited by L~A on Fri Feb 27, 2009 2:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: White Phoenix (possible 2-4 spoilers)Topic%20Title
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Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2008 2:10 am

Posts: 320

I have to say that your grammer is amazing for english not being your first language. I agree with the previous reviewer, that it was a bit repetitive at the beginning. Overall the images and the feeling of the piece are very well done. You definitely brought out Phoenix's pain and sorrow!

Can't wait to read more from you! :pearly:
"In a world of locked doors, the man with the key is King, and honey, you should see me in a crown!" ~Moriarty~
All my fan-fiction in one complete package!
Re: White Phoenix (possible 2-4 spoilers)Topic%20Title
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Yeah, another reader ! ^^
So, now... both of you told me the beginning was a bit repetitive. Could you please point out exactly which part is concerned ? I believe it's the 1st two paragraphs, but it could also not be one or several paragraphs in particular, just some sentences.
It's important to know, so I could not make such a mistake in future short-stories. :notes:

However, I think I know why you find the beginning a bit repetitive. When I started to write this short-story (I wrote it in one-shot, and didn't touch it once I was done writing it, except for correcting some mistakes and adding one or two little bits here and there), I had already wrote the 1st paragraph, but since I wasn't quite satisfied with it, I just decided to delete most of it, and start again from the beginning (well, not exactly the beginning, but...)
So, my ideas probably got kinda 'mixed up'. Henceforth, the over-repetitive aspect of the beginning. But I'm not sure... xDD

Once again, I feel the need to thank you (and everyone else who read it) for reading my short-story :edgy:
Since you read my short-story, you can count on me for reading one of your writings soon enough, but I won't do it because I feel I have to do so, but because I genuinely want to read what you wrote ^^ (I might even be inspired by your stories, who knows ? :garyuu: )

And even though I don't know when I will write it, I already have a clear idea of the 'plot' of the next short-story. It will be based on the passage, in the GS series, which impressed me the most. It really was the first time a video-game had such an effect on me... Please be patient :maya:
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Re: White Phoenix (possible 2-4 spoilers)Topic%20Title
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Ok, so bearing in mind Pearls1975 and kitty_sneeze comments, I decided to rewrite this fic.
Well, not all of it of course, but in order to get rid of the 'repetitiveness', I rewrote the whole two 1st paragraphs, changed a few things in the others, and this time, the great Pearls1975 beta-read it !

So...
-if you've already read it, you could try and read this new version.
-if you have never read it, well, go on and read it !

And as a bonus, an excerpt of poem by Yves Bonnefoy ! (it's French)

Quote:
Et je l'aimais comme j'aime ce son
Au creux duquel rajeunirait le monde,
Ce son qui réunit quand les mots divisent,
Ce beau commencement quand tout finit.


Spoiler: Cherry Tree Blossoms
There was nothing he could do, anymore. As he was standing there, all alone, in this very office, where everything began, he wondered... he kept on wondering for what seemed to be hours, and hours... The rain was gently, yet coldly falling on the translucent windows of this office. This office, where everything began... and will end, soon. How did everything suddenly collapse like that ? He could not understand the turn of events that had taken place when he had said those very words... It was the end, and no more hiding behind it. He did not want to understand, in fact, he did not even want to know anything anymore. He had chosen her over Justice, but in exchange for his foolish decision, had paid a most terrible price for it. And now, there was not a single thing he could do. Was there even anything he could have done in the first place ?

He was kneeling on the floor, his head against the cold window. He wanted to cry so badly, and this suffering... simply unbearable. Time passed, but still, not a single tear rolled down his cheeks. Hours, and hours. Still, he did not move. All alone. There was no place for him to escape to. How did I arrive there, he thought. I don't know, I just can't possibly know, anything, I never knew, nothing.

Just one man, and all his life was over. One choice he made, and everything over, that's all. End of the story. He chose her over Justice. Then, he realized... he was just a man, a man whose soul had been crushed by the weight of the very ideals that helped him carry on till the bitter end. Ever since that phone call, he had known, known that everything was over. Justice or Her ? The sun, or just a single star, shining in this lonely sky ? Only the moon, and it was hidden by the gray clouds, hanging, lonely in the sky. He just couldn't stand being there, standing in this very office, wherein lay the weight of his ideals, still crushing the ruins of his shattered soul. He couldn't bear what he had become.

He just wanted her to be there, by his side. It was for her sake he had been fighting for justice all these years. For her and for this angel that showed him the snowy path he had to walk. He remembered snow falling gently on this silent plain, where he met her. He remembered that white raven, perched at the top of a lamp post, in front of the building where this office was housed. Then she died, and in one last ray of light, showed him this star. This star, he would have to protect all his life, this very star he had just lost sight of, a few hours ago. The star was crying, crying the tears he just couldn't cry, and never managed to cry. Beauty and Sadness... together, in Harmony.

But the weight of his ideals was silently killing him, soflty, gently, just like snow falling endlessly on the snowy plain, where everything began. Autumn, then Spring, Summer, everything went by and is now gone. Away from him, away from his life and this very office, stained by his own selfishness. Why, he was but a man. A man crushed by the weight of his foolish ideals! He had lost everything, and there was nothing he could do about it. Just... nothing. Absolutely nothing. He was alone, here.

Rain was still falling outside, but no moon shining in the white sky, no angel flying, no star shining, everything was black. Yet, why was everything so bright ? So bright... darkness was so bright, in this office, on this plain, but now, the snowy path had come to an end. Justice has finally come. He thought, maybe this was the end. He did not know, there was nothing he could possibly know out there, now that his soul was crushed to pieces. No, there was nothing left for him, not even death. He called her name in the night, so loudly, so loudly but he couldn't cry. He couldn't cry out this pain, this suffering, why, is that Justice, he thought. Forgive me, he said, forgive me for what I've done. Forgive me, I just couldn't follow the path you showed me, my angel. I lost sight of that star, I promised to protect with my life, my ideals... Forgive me for what I've become.

Never, would he be able to see those eyes, shining like lonely stars in a moonless sky, anymore. Never, would he ever be able to see her hair, flowing silently in the air, gently caressed by the soft and lukewarm wind, anymore. Never, he would never be able to hear her voice, feel her skin under his fingers, anymore, that was it. He had lost everything, everything. But there was nothing left for him to cry for, even his memories were silently beginning to fade, softly, just like the wind, taking with him the last leaves of a withered tree, to a land where snow didn't fall, and never will, a land where everything was so silent, and yet, so much noise, so much noise out there, and no wind.

Then, a door opening. A door opening, and then closed. Maybe that was the end, or maybe, just the beginning. Some footsteps. But he did not hear anything. He could not hear anything. There was nothing in this room, nothing, nothing but snow, and some memories on the floor, shattered to pieces. Why, couldn't he see it. And then, two arms, seizing him firmly, as if they would never let him go again. He felt her then, pressing her body upon his back, and her heart, beating, thumping madly in her chest. She was crying, crying the tears he just couldn't cry, crying out the pain he just couldn't cry out. Come back, she said. Please, come back.

'I...please, I beg you,' He pleaded. 'I... I don't want to die, I don't want to die.'

'I'm here,' she said. 'And it's high time, for you to come back. See the cherry-tree, up there, on that hill? It's blooming. It's high time for you to come back, Phoenix. I'm here, and I just won't leave you alone, as long as this star will keep on shining, as long as this angel will keep on singing in this white sky. I beg you, Phoenix, it's high time for you, to come back... Don't forget this light, you showed me, that night, when we both lost everything. Remember, please. And come back to this light.'

'Will you...' he called.

'No, there was nothing,' she said, 'to be forgiven for.' No apologies, nothing. How could she possibly hate him for what he had become.

'How could I possibly hate you, for loving, me?' She whispered, and then, spoke no more.

Everything was silent.

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