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Miles rubbed his forehead and leaned back to cross his arms. A sudden blast of whirring and pinging noises from the machine behind him made him jump right back up, almost getting him shoved off balance by the crowd of people passing by. He mumbled an apology and was, as anticipated, ignored.

Why am I here?

He stepped back out of the way and busied himself with picking at a loose thread on his jacket.

More to the point, why could I not think up a suitable excuse not to be here?

Miles closed his eyes as a swarm of images of the past week sprung from nowhere almost instantly.

…Ah, that’s right. It appears my mind’s otherwise occupied.

It would have been all well and good if the constant noise surrounding him was enough to distract him from his thoughts. But no, that would have been too kind. Everything just mingled and multiplied together, increasing both his annoyance and ever imminent headache.

He turned around to spot Gumshoe crouched underneath a slot machine, glancing up the coin chute.

As if I needed another depressing sight to add to my ever-growing list…

“Detective, what on Earth are you doing?” Miles asked wearily.

“Looking for the… mmph… looking for the evidence, sir!” Gumshoe called in a muffled reply.

For goodness’ sake… I only left him alone for twenty minutes.

He sighed and considered going over to help with whatever Gumshoe was doing, but immediately decided against it when he saw him move on to the next machine with a befuddled look on his face and his hair sticking out at all angles. He glanced over at the card tables next to the aisle of slot machines he was standing by, pretending to be blissfully unaware of Gumshoe’s troubles.

That area of the casino seemed a lot less noisy. Why couldn’t the murder have happened over there?

Then again, if it was up to Miles, the whole casino would have been empty and completely sealed off. The owner had agreed to let them search the place and do the forensics on the first day of the investigation, but he’d insisted on reopening after that. Complaining he’d be losing ‘valuable wealth’ and threatening to get a court order, he’d wasted no time in making sure the casino was back in business before the investigation team could even blink.

A sudden loud buzzing sound made Miles jump as someone struck lucky on a slot machine nearby. It was then added to by the loud shout of someone proclaiming, “I got the eight ball!”

Christ, does the world enjoy torturing me by reminding me of Monday night every other hour? Because that can’t be a bloody coincidence.

The only thing he’d been able to focus on for the past thirty-six hours was the time he’d spent at that bar with Wright. The images wouldn’t leave him alone; it was as if they were engraved onto his brain.

From what I remember, he turned up late, made mindless jokes and acted like a complete idiot.

…And yet, I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t enjoy being there with him.

Miles shifted on the spot and clutched his left arm. He needed to concentrate on something else. That was the last train of thought that he wanted to follow.

A group of casino employees ambled past him, presumably going for their break. Their obnoxious chattering and giggling made any kind of thinking impossible, but he found himself surprisingly thankful for it.

“…But that’s not all!” one man exclaimed through his chuckles. “After the third rejection, he then went on to ask her if she’d like to go to The Cue after work to watch the hockey game!”

Miles clenched his fist as the crowd surrounding the guy burst out laughing. Perhaps he’d spoken too soon.

“Oh my God, what was he thinking?” a woman replied, holding onto her stomach in an attempt to stop her constant laughing.

She’s right. What was I thinking!? That if I went, I’d somehow be able to make sense out of everything and realise that my previous revelation was nothing but misinterpretation?

Well, that backfired, to say the least.

Not that telling Wright about all this would have been much better…

He rolled his shoulders uncomfortably. Why was it that the last thing he wanted to think of was always the first to pop into his mind? There was no use in pondering the thought of telling Wright. None whatsoever.

…But I need to tell him. I can stop everything from getting out of hand that way, even though I know it’d be impossible for him to understand that I… the fact that I…

He shook his head.

I shouldn’t have to put up with this. It’s not like I want to be in… well, be like this.

“Hey, man.” Miles turned around to see a small, unshaven man standing there with an empty money cup in his hand. “You look like a nice kind of guy,” he commented, apparently missing the scowl that was marring Miles’ features. “Do a brother a favour and lend us a quarter?”

Miles’ eyes widened a bit.

He has a point. Wright’s supposed to be doing me a favour here, so I shouldn’t be held responsible for the effect his so-called help has had on me.

…Who am I kidding? It’s not Wright’s fault if I’m too useless to control my own feelings.

“Yo, man?”

Miles blinked. “I don’t carry change around in my work clothes,” he said, looking down at the floor as he realised he’d been staring off into space like an idiot.

“Ridiculous… Not even the posh pricks can lend a lousy quarter,” the man mumbled as he stalked off to the card tables.

It is ridiculous, all of it. The idea of Wright and I together is so completely idiotic that it’s not even worth thinking about.

“Get out of my fucking head, already!” Miles cursed under his breath, earning a couple of weird looks from the people passing by.

Speaking of idiotic…

Peering around the side of the slot machine, his eyes focused on the third one from the bottom of the aisle. “Are you finished yet, Detective?” he asked, irritation clear in his voice.

There was a small ‘Oof’ as Gumshoe fell backwards from his position. He pulled himself up slowly, only to hit his head on the lever. “I swear it was in here, sir,” he said, wincing.

Miles rubbed his temple. “You’ve looked at just about every machine in the aisle.” He watched as Gumshoe scratched at the plaster on his cheek, muttering to himself and looking around aimlessly. From the confused look on his face, it seemed as though he was actually thinking about something. “Are you sure you found something, Detective? Or do you actually enjoy wasting my time?”

“The evidence was right here, sir. I saw it with my own eyes!” Gumshoe replied, sounding as puzzled as he looked. “Someone must have moved it!”

Miles sighed. Pulling up the yellow crime scene tape that barricaded the aisle, he ducked under it and walked towards the bloodstained, marked shape of where the body had been. He did his best not to flinch at the sight.

It’s never any easier to look at, no matter how many of them I see…

He stopped by the machine to the right of the body, where the victim’s legs would have been, and turned to face Gumshoe. “If this is where he was standing, I’m presuming this was the first one you checked when you came back to the scene?”

Gumshoe raised an eyebrow, before it seemed to click. “Oh! You’re right, sir!” he exclaimed, his eyes widening. “That’s the one I was told to dust for fingerprints yesterday!” He looked at the machine next to it, then down at the chalk outline on the floor. “I must have got confused cause of that, so when I got here today, I checked the one near the hands instead.” He chuckled.

Miles rubbed the bridge of his nose.

I really do wonder how his mind works sometimes…

Miles crossed his arms and tilted his head towards the slot machine he was standing by. When Gumshoe didn’t move, he frowned. “As much as I enjoy watching you ferret about in slot machines, Detective, I’ve got better things I could be doing right now.”

Because daydreaming in the office is a much better use of my time than daydreaming in a casino…

“Oh, right! Got ya, sir!” Miles stepped backwards to let Gumshoe in front of him. He ducked down to the chute’s level and stuck out his tongue as he looked up it. “Aha!” Gumshoe put his hand into the jaws of the machine and pulled at something. His arm came flying backwards, nearly hitting Miles square in the face.

“I’m beginning to think you’re not valuing your current salary as much as you ought to, Detective,” Miles commented as he took a step backwards and straightened his cravat.

“Sorry ‘bout that, sir…”

Gumshoe always had such a pitiful look on his face whenever his pride took a hit. Sometimes, it was simply too heartless to torture him further – even for Miles.

He’s lucky my head is such a mess at the moment…

“What’s that in your hand?” Miles asked, changing the subject.

“It’s the evidence I found!” Gumshoe stated, filled with pride. He’d apparently forgotten about the salary threat already.

In his hand was a playing card – the ace of spades.

Miles stared at it. “Is it me, Detective, or is that a perfectly normal playing card? I don’t think this will get us any closer to finding the murder weapon.”

Gumshoe raised an eyebrow. “But, this is the murder weapon, sir,” he insisted. “Look!” He pointed at the top right corner of the card.

It had been easy to miss from where Miles was standing, but on the corner was a small smear of red which, upon closer inspection, turned out to be dried blood.

I feel a migraine approaching.

“Where are you going with this?” Miles questioned, knowing he’d soon think better of it.

“Someone obviously hijacked the slot machine, sir!”

“Hijacked the slot machine?” Miles repeated.

“Yes, sir!” Gumshoe beamed.

Miles glanced at the body outline on the floor, then back at the card. “I’m not following you, Detective.”

“Well, the murderer must have turned the slot machine into a trap! They added a whole bunch of deadly weapons to it.” He tapped the playing card. “This, sir, is one of the cards that flew out of the machine and sliced the victim!”

There was a short silence as Miles simply stared at Gumshoe, his smile beginning to fade as each second went past.

“I’m going to go and ask some questions about this misplaced card.” Miles walked over to the crime scene tape and turned back around. “If you want to keep your current paycheck, I advise you don’t follow me.”

I suppose I need all the leads I can get, after all…

He pointed at the slot machine. “Check it for more cards.” At Gumshoe’s nod, he slipped under the tape and strode over to the nearest card table.

Three people were sitting at the table in question. An old woman with a large carpet bag and oversized glasses that concealed highly wrinkled eyes sat to the left of the dealer, directly in front of Miles. Next to her was a business-suited, middle-aged man who had very wide shoulders and thinning hair on the top of his head. One seat along from him was another woman dressed in a tight, shiny yellow dress. Her makeup and hairstyle were what would normally be associated with a woman in her twenties, but it was quite obvious that those years were far behind her.

Miles saw the dealer deal the cards for the Texas Hold ‘em round they were playing and decided to step in.

“Excuse me,” he cut in sharply, not sounding as polite as his words suggested. “I have a few questions for the three of you concerning an investigation that is being conducted.”

The man set his cards down on the table carefully and took a sip of what Miles presumed to be brandy. “Couldn’t have picked a better time, my man,” he commented with a grimace, placing the glass back down on the table. “The cards are doing the old losing routine on me at the moment.”

“I doubt that’d be the cards’ fault so much as your ancient eyesight’s, Al,” the woman dressed in yellow scoffed while still glancing over her cards.

Al’s eye twitched. “Seems to get me into a lot of trouble, that eyesight of mine,” he replied, taking a gulp of brandy. “Perhaps if I’d worn my glasses when walking down the aisle, I wouldn’t have ended up having to see that face of yours every morning in my bed, Diana.”

Diana raised her chin, still staring at her cards. “Your eyes seemed to be working perfectly well when you were shagging that young eye candy of yours in our bed last month.”

The old woman hid her face with a piece of textile work she had picked out of her bag to stitch and let out a few stifled laughs.

“Shut it, Maureen,” Al shot coldly at the old woman.

Miles felt the blood drain from his head.

Great. Really great. I can see this will be a smooth ride…

He cleared his throat. “Can we please get back to the situation at hand?”

“Can’t you see we’re in the middle of something here?” Diana snapped.

Miles frowned. “I think you’ll find a murder enquiry is more important than a domestic quarrel, Mrs.…?”

“Ms. Force,” Diana corrected, turning to face Miles for the first time. She studied every aspect of his face, before taking a sweeping glance down his body, then back up. A slow, sly smile formed on her lips. “You can call me Di.”

Certainly. Please do.

Al laughed and sat back in his chair. “Careful there, my man. Her bite’s even worse than her bark.”

“I’m surprised you can remember what my bite’s lik--”

“My, my, I must wonder why people like us would be suspected of being involved in such a lowly sin as murder,” Maureen interrupted, pausing at a stitch in her textile work. “What did you want to ask us, young man?”

They all turned to stare at Miles.

Thank God… I thought my will to live had almost completely disintegrated.

“As you seem to already know, there was a suspicious death in this casino late Monday night. The police have reason to believe that it was, in fact, murder.” He eyed each of them, trying to see if their reactions gave anything away. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you a few questions. Any information you have could prove very useful to our investigation.”

“Pardon me if I seem rude, darling,” Diana said silkily, “but who exactly are you to come storming up here and accuse us of keeping information?” She twisted in her seat, her plastic dress squeaking against the leather chair.

“I’m Miles Edgeworth, the prosecutor for this case. I’m looking fo--”

“He’s a damned lawyer!” Al exclaimed, taking another rather large gulp of his drink, before letting out a small laugh. “Your taste in men has decreased drastically, Diana.”

Miles scowled.

Damned lawyer!? He should be grateful that there are people like Wright and I to help society…

“As I was saying, I’m looking for witnesses who were here on Monday night.”

“We were here,” Al replied in a clipped manner. “That doesn’t mean we know anything about this business that went on, though.”

Miles crossed his arms. “I have reason to believe that one of you may have had access to the slot machine the victim was playing shortly before he died.”

Maureen put down her textile work and rummaged around in her bag for a moment. “How silly!” She took out a spool and zipped her bag back up. “Young man, you really think that we’d be the kind of people to fritter our money away on those contraptions?”

“You wouldn’t know anything about gambling at all, would you, mother?” Diana quipped. “We all know father’s inheritance didn’t spend itself.”

Maureen upturned her nose and went back to threading her needle, clearly choosing to ignore the comment.

Why do I end up having to deal with the television soap family?

“Mr. Edgeworth…” Miles turned around to face a deflated-looking Gumshoe. “There weren’t any cards left in the machine, sir.”

Miles waved a hand. “No matter.”

“Cards in machines, did you say?” Maureen asked, sounding interested in the conversation for the first time.

Miles turned back to the table. “It appears someone has hidden one of their cards inside a slot machine.”

Diana gasped. “You can’t possibly be saying that someone at our table has been cheating, Miles!”

I really should stop giving away my first name so recklessly…

“You’re right, I’m not,” Miles agreed. “I’m merely making enquiries, Ms. Force. However, I’d take an educated guess, seeing as your table is the closest one to the slot machine in question.”

“For fuck’s sake!” Al downed the rest of his drink and slammed the empty glass back on the table. “Here we are, having a nice, civilised game of cards, and next thing you know, we have the police up our asses when we’ve done nothing wrong!” He shook his head and snapped his fingers in the air a few times. “Can’t I get any service around here!?”

“Hey, pal, don’t speak to Mr. Edgeworth like that!” Gumshoe cut in sharply, pointing at him.

Al got up from his seat and glared darkly at Gumshoe. “Is that a threat?” It just so happened that Al was at least four inches taller than him, and his shoulders looked even wider when he was standing.

Gumshoe withdrew his hand and cleared his throat. “Yeah, well, that’s… Don’t do it again…” He cleared his throat a second time and called over a barmaid for Al.

Miles sighed. “Sit down, Mr. Force.”

“It’s Collic. Al Collic.”

“Sit down, Mr. Collic,” Miles repeated with an edge to his voice that revealed his lack of patience. His hand itched to hit the table and restore some authority – he had to keep reminding himself he wasn’t in court and that the action would only make people think he had anger issues.

Al sat down and ordered another brandy from the waitress.

Miles crossed his arms. “Now, does anyone have any suspicions about cheating between you?”

The three of them looked at each other.

“It was my mother! She cheats all the time!” Diana blurted out.

“What!? That family-ruining man there is world-renowned for making cards appear out of thin air!” Maureen shouted in response, pointing at Al.

“Hah, you wish! I remember my darling wife openly admitting to cheating on me.”

“You complete cock! That’s got nothing to do with cards!”

Miles felt his hand twitch.

How I wish I could object to all this nonsense…

At least it’s managed to distract me from all those annoying thoughts… Those two are so bad they’re making my situation with Wright look normal…

…Damn it! So much for not thinking about him…

“Liar!” Maureen shouted, making Miles jump. “You’re no daughter of mine! Why, I bet you even worship Satan!”

“Worship Satan!? What kind of mad woman are you, you fucking gold-digging bitch!”

Al burst out laughing. “I agree with that old bat for once, Diana. You’re Satan’s spawn.”

Gumshoe had to physically hold Diana back, and then held out a hand to stop Al from moving forward. “Now, calm down, pals!”

“I may be a gold digger, but at least my children didn’t get thrown out of their first elementary school!” Maureen screeched, getting up from her seat.

“Oh, no, they did much worse than that, mother,” Diana spat. “Isn’t my sister still in rehab and my brother in jail thanks to our wonderful family environment?”

“Wow, pal, that’s nasty…”

Is there anything this family hasn’t been involved in?

“What a cultured background you have, Diana,” Al commented snidely. “It explains a lot.”

“Like why I married you, you mean?” Diana retaliated. “I’ve always been used to having cheating scumbags in my life, wasn’t I, mother?”

“Hah, speak for yourself! I’m not the one who had an ace of spades up my sleeve!”

I swear this argument is simply going around in circles…

…Wait. What did she just say?

“Quiet,” he spoke up sternly, only to be ignored. “I said quiet down!” he repeated louder.

It was to no avail; the family had passed breaking point.

Miles slammed his hand down on the table. “Objec--I mean, quiet!”

The three of them stopped yelling and turned to face Miles.

“I knew you had bad taste in men,” Al muttered as they all sat back down.

You don’t know the half of it…

Miles rested his hands on the table. “Maure--”

“It’s Mrs. Force to you, ponce,” Maureen interrupted, glaring at him.

Every bloody time… Can’t I get the name right just once, or is that too much to ask?

“Mrs. Force,” Miles began again, “I’m afraid you’ve slipped up.”

Maureen narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean? What have I slipped on?”

Miles walked over to Gumshoe. “Detective, may I have the card you found in the machine?”

“Of course, sir!” Gumshoe replied happily. He took out the playing card and handed it to him.

Miles turned to face Maureen, a smirk already in place. “Mrs. Force, I’m sure there will be no need to do a blood test if you’re ready to confess.”

Maureen scowled and snatched her carpet bag off the table to start stuffing the textile work back in. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Your blood. It’s on the card. You must have cut yourself when you hid it in the machine. We can easily prove that it’s yours with a blood test.”

“Wha…!? How did you come to that ridiculous conclusion?”

Miles turned to the other two at the table and held the card in front of himself so they could only see the back. “Mr. Collic, Ms. Force, do either of you know what card I am currently holding?”

“What is this? Are you putting on a magic show for us, Miles?” Diana teased.

I wish… Making people disappear into thin air sounds like a good trick to perfect at the moment.

Al crossed his arms. “How the fuck would we know?”

Miles dropped his hand and smirked. “Indeed, there’s no way you could know, and yet Mrs. Force just accused your wife of having this very card up her sleeve.”

“But… you told us it was the ace of spades!” Maureen clutched her bag. “You must have!”

Miles shook his head. “I think you’ll find that makes you our cheater, Mrs. Force.”

A guilty look from Maureen to the other two at the table confirmed Miles’ deductions.

“I knew getting a paper cut was a sign of the devil…”

For once, I agree. I’d rather not think about the last time I got one…

Miles rubbed his forehead. “On the night of the murder,” he almost shouted to override his thoughts, “you had to hide the card you were going to cheat with, correct?”

“Yes, yes.” Maureen had a sulky look on her face. “I saw a security guard walk by our table a couple of times and I began to fear that I might be in trouble, so I decided to take a trip to the bathroom. On my way there, I ditched the card in one of those confounded contraptions.”

So much for a valuable lead…

Miles sighed. “Detective, please take Mrs. Force down to the station so she can make a statement.”

“Sure thing, sir!” Gumshoe went to leave, before a thought seemed to hit him. “Oh, those security records you wanted have been sent to your office, sir.”

Great. More paperwork on top of my zero leads. Just what I wanted.

“Thank you, Detective. I’ll take a look when I get back.”

“No problem! Just doing my job, sir!” Gumshoe grinned all the way as he directed Maureen over to the exit.

“What a scheming old hag,” Al remarked after she’d disappeared from view, before downing the rest of his brandy.

The dealer looked down at the empty glass and decided that collecting it up and going over to the bar was a good idea.

“I assume we’re free to go then, Miles?” Diana asked, all malice gone from her voice so she almost, almost, sounded like a regular, caring citizen.

Miles nodded and turned to leave. However, before he could even take one step, Diana grabbed his shoulder. He spun around, caught by surprise, and saw her pull down her plastic dress a bit.

Here it is, the inevitable. I hope Wright doesn’t mind being my excuse again.

“How about I give you my number, Miles? We can meet up somewhere more appropriate, you know, to discuss the case?” Diana leaned forward slightly and pushed her breasts together. “Or we could enter into more exciting activ--”

“I’m gay.”

Miles’ response shocked both Diana and himself. They stood there, staring at each other, wide-eyed, for numerous seconds, until a delayed laugh from Al in the background stirred a response from Diana.

“You’re… gay?”

Miles blinked a couple of times before his brain reengaged. “That was… well, I mean, I’m not really gay. I’m taken.” There was a pause, enough of one for Miles’ thoughts to reorder themselves. “It was a rather rash statement. I just assumed my being gay would be a better excuse not to meet up, seeing as you seem to take commitment so lightly, Ms. Force.”

Shit. That isn’t true. I was just about to say I was taken, but I didn’t.

I blame Wright. I immediately thought of him as my excuse and look what I came up with…

Miles almost slapped himself. Missing Diana’s reply due to being lost in his thoughts again, he took her relieved look as one of belief for his story. He did, however, manage to catch Al grumbling under his breath something that sounded suspiciously like ‘That’s what they all say’.

“Give me a call if you change your mind,” Diana said with a wink as she tucked a folded napkin into his pocket.

Miles turned to each of them to thank them for their help. He found it strange that Al didn’t seem to care that his wife had just given some stranger her number, but didn’t dwell on the thought as they shook hands and finally said goodbye.

He took a small bow and left, hoping they didn’t notice his small jog to hurry out of the casino, or when he scrunched the napkin up in his hand and dropped it into the nearest trash can.


Stacks of paper greeted Miles in his office. Unfazed by the size of the piles, he closed the door behind him and began looking through the newest wad of records. There was a label in Gumshoe’s scruffy handwriting on top that read ‘Surveillance tapes unavailable at the moment. Hope these are useful for now!’.

The paper records were notes made by the security guards at the casino every hour on the hour. After locating the day of the murder, he proceeded to search every hour in detail for anything suspicious. Other than a note about how the victim had been found bleeding to death on the floor without any prior warning, there didn’t seem to be anything. He double-checked that day to be sure and, after finding a successful nothing, went on to look at the previous day’s records. There was nothing of interest in those either, but when he got halfway through the day before that, he found something rather intriguing.

On the day in question, not only were all the records from noon to midnight exactly the same, but they were also in the same handwriting. Miles happened to know that the security shifts changed every six hours, so the fact that the same person had written the updates across these hours was really quite strange.

Miles leaned back in his chair and stretched his legs out underneath him.

Finally, I’m getting somewhere with this case.

He picked up the phone and speed-dialled the Criminal Affairs Department. It seemed to ring forever until the answering machine came on.

“Hey, pal! This is Detective Gumshoe speaking, but I’m not actually here right now so I won’t be speaking for long.” He chuckled. “Leave a message after the tone, pal!” There was the sound of a few buttons being pressed. “…Is this thing off? Chief, how do I turn the answering machine o--”

-Beeeeep-

He still hasn’t changed that thing?

Miles shook his head. “Detective, it’s Edgeworth. I’ve checked the records and found something suspicious two days before the murder. Call me when you ge--”

-BANG-

“Larry, forget it! That is not going to happen! I will not do that to Edgeworth.”

“Nick, dude, you’re acting as if I’d told you to rape him!” Larry stopped walking and scratched his chin. “Hey, maybe that’d wor--”

“Larry!” Phoenix shouted, turning to glare at him.

For God’s sake…

Miles quickly slammed the receiver down before any more damage could be done. “Why the hell are you two here? Haven’t you ever heard of knocking!?”

“Hey, Edgey! How’s things?” Larry asked brightly, as though he hadn’t just burst into the room uninvited.

“Edgeworth, tell him, he’s not listening to me!” Phoenix butted in, stepping in front of Larry.

Larry grabbed Phoenix by the shoulder and shoved his finger in his face. “Man, I don’t listen to whiny people, especially when I know what’s best.”

“And yet we have to listen to you all the time…” Miles intoned dryly.

Phoenix slapped Larry’s finger away and frowned. “You’re an idiot. I can’t believe you want me to do this…”

“It’s not that big a deal.”

“You don’t understand. We didn’t sign up for this!”

Larry huffed. “Boo, I disagree. You both knew you’d have to do something to make Kathy believe it’s real.”

It’s like watching two imbeciles chatter on in their own jargon.

“But… but I just know nothing good can come from this!” Phoenix complained.

“You’re not going to die, Nick! You won’t get a fatal disease.” Larry smirked and checked his fingernails, presumably trying to look intimidating. “Your mom was lying to you about that, man.”

“Wait, are you calling my mom a liar?” Phoenix pouted. “That’s low!”

“Not as low as you get with Edgey at ni--”

“Lower your voices, the bloody door’s open!” Miles interrupted with a hiss.

Phoenix and Larry both looked at him dumbly.

“Oh, right, yeah…” Phoenix chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll, err, go shut that.” He walked over to the door and clicked it shut while Larry parked himself on the couch, looking extremely smug.

Miles put a finger to his temple. “Now, I repeat for the sake of my sanity, what are you two doing here?”

Phoenix pointed at Larry. “This idiot here wants us to kiss.”

There was a sudden lurch in Miles’ chest, his pulse going awry for the smallest of seconds.

Well, that’s great… One silly word and I have a bloody heart attack over it.

He took in a breath and stilled himself.

“Yeah, right here, right now,” Larry chipped in with a grin. “Get some practice in for the real thing!”

Miles narrowed his eyes. “Real thing? What do you mean by that?”

Phoenix walked back over to the desk. “He’s only gone and got us invited to Kath’s family party tomorrow.”

“Hey, that wasn’t my fault! She wanted you two love birds there for some reason.” Larry gave them a thumbs up. “It provides the perfect opportunity, dudes!”

Phoenix sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Think about it, Larry. You want us to spend a whole night with her and her family?” He shook his head. “I’d rather stay sane, thanks.”

Stay sane? That’s debatable.

“Look, I don’t see the problem here. It’s one little kiss in front of a woman who already thinks you’re shirtlifters.”

Phoenix rolled his eyes. “Ever heard of political correctness, Larry?”

Larry stared at him blankly.

“Never mind…” Phoenix mumbled.

Miles stared down at his desk.

One little kiss…

I wish it were that simple…

He looked back up and sighed. “It’s not going to happen, Larry.”

“What!?” Larry sprung off the couch. “Edgey!”

“Thank you!” Phoenix threw his arms in the air, before leaning over the desk. “That’s what I’ve been telling him all morning, but he wouldn’t listen to a word I said!”

“But, dudes!” Larry whined. “You both know Kathy needs to see it! Come on, you know you want to!”

Miles snorted. “Don’t make me laugh, Larry. Not even a woman would be desperate enough to kiss Wright.”

Phoenix frowned. “…What?”

“Edgey, dude, that’s really harsh. You can’t say that to your boyfriend!” Larry grabbed a stunned-looking Phoenix by the hand and dragged him around the desk. “Kiss and make up with him, now!”

Miles pretended not to notice the look Phoenix was giving him. “It’s embarrassing enough to have to pretend to date him. I’m not about to stoop as low as to actually kiss him.”

Phoenix shook off Larry’s hand. “What’s that supposed to mean, Edgeworth!?”

There was suddenly a knock at the door and they all stopped talking. That’s when Miles realized how loud they were being. He couldn’t help but fear the person at the door might have heard something.

“Come in,” he said cautiously.

The door was thrown open to reveal the only person who could possibly possess such a perfect sense of timing.

“Hey, Miles!” Kath exclaimed as she walked up to his desk, before seeming to do a double take at the other two people in the room. “Oh…” She paused. “I was coming to talk to you about my party tomorrow night, but I’m guessing Larry already did.” She giggled.

Well, at least I suppose that means she didn’t hear anything.

Miles cleared his throat. “Yes, he did, but I’m afraid we--”

“We really can’t wait,” Phoenix cut in. “That’s so nice of you to invite us, Miss Everett.”

Miles turned to look at him, only to realise that he was pointedly avoiding his gaze.

What is he…?

Kath clapped her hands together excitedly. “Oh, that’s so great!” She giggled a bit more. “I bet you’re already thinking about what you’re gonna wear and everything! Parties are so exciting, aren’t they?”

Miles sighed. “Evere--”

“Kathy, my dear,” Larry took a step towards her, “you’ll never know the true meaning of a party until you spend a whole night with Mr. Larry Butz.” He took her hand and leaned forward slightly to place a kiss on it. “There’s a reason they call me ‘The Dashing and Very Sensual Lady Killer’. More than one, in fact.” He winked. “One night just won’t be enough to show you all of them.”

Miles rolled his eyes. “No one calls you that, Larry.”

“Sure they do!” Larry whined, letting go of Kath’s hand to face him. “How would you know, Edgey? You never hang out with my straight friends, being gay and all.”

“Now, now, Larry,” Kath cut in. “I’m sure you’re telling the truth. There’s no need to bring up Miles’… preferences.”

Oh, because you never do?

Phoenix chuckled. “Don’t be such a homophobe, Larry. Especially since both your friends are gay.” He glanced at Miles and smirked. “But I guess it could be worse.”

Miles raised an eyebrow. “What are you getting at?”

“Oh, nothing,” Phoenix replied innocently. “I was just thinking that two friends isn’t such a bad average. I mean, some people could only have one. Or none. Hypothetically, of course.”

“Of course…” Miles muttered, looking away.

I shouldn’t have asked…

“Don’t worry, Larry,” Kath said, seemingly trying to make him feel better. “I would kill to have two gay friends!”

“But you already do, Miss Everett,” Phoenix said, looking at Miles then back at her.

“Oh, but that’s not the same!” she retorted, waving her hands as if to stress her point. “You guys are like the two gay brothers I never had!”

Miles raised an eyebrow. Wouldn’t that be incest?

She laughed. “Why else would I invite you to a family party?”

“What about Larry?” Miles asked promptly. “Am I to understand that Larry is the third brother you never had?”

“Exactly!” Kath exclaimed, smiling. “I never had a younger brother and I feel like I’ve missed out on so much!”

“I’m afraid Larry is older than you, Everett,” Miles replied, smirking.

Her eyes widened. “Oh…! Of course, I knew that! I just… I meant…” She turned to Larry. “I meant it as a compliment, of course. I mean, isn’t it so great to look young?”

Nice try, but no one’s buying it.

“Hell yeah!” Larry yelled, punching his fist into his other hand. He then turned to Phoenix and Miles, a serious look on his face, and held up a finger. “Life lesson number 369: ‘To women, guys are like food. They like them fresh, and they hate fruits.’” He nodded as if to agree with what he had just said.

Phoenix burst out laughing.

Miles rubbed his forehead. “That has got to be the worst analogy I’ve ever heard in my entire life.”

“But, dude, it’s true!” Larry insisted. “What kind of chick would want to date you? You look like an old prune, dude!”

“Shut it, Larry,” Phoenix intervened, coughing a little as he forced himself to stop laughing. “I think you’ve just about reached your quota of stupidity for the day.”

“But, Nick! I’m just--”

“Besides,” Phoenix continued, “it’s not like it matters what women think of his appearance.” He walked behind Miles and put his hands on his shoulders. “He’s already taken.”

Miles stiffened. For a second, he lost track of what was being said. He was pretty sure he heard Everett use the ‘c’ word but he just couldn’t bring himself to care. All he could focus on at the moment was the feeling of Wright’s fingers moving against the fabric of his jacket. He soon realized what was happening, though, and quickly snapped out of it.

Focus. I need to focus.

He took in a deep breath and turned his attention back to the conversation at hand. It took him a few seconds to realize that Kath was staring at him, apparently awaiting an answer to a question he hadn’t heard.

He stared back. He’d probably look like an idiot, but it wasn’t as if it was going to make any difference at this point.

“Well…?” Kath prompted, a smile on her lips.

Might as well take the easy way out…

“I don’t know,” he replied simply.

Kath raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean you don’t know? I asked you if it’s hard or not. It shouldn’t be that difficult to reply with a simple ‘yes’.” She paused. “Or a ‘no’,” she added quickly. “Not that I want it to be or anything…”

Miles’ eyes widened. “…What!?” He took a hesitant glance down, before looking back up at her.

She can’t possibly be asking…

“Everett, what kind of questio--”

“Don’t worry, Miss Everett,” Phoenix interrupted. “I’m sure you’re not making it too hard for him, considering he only has eyes for me.”

Kath shook her head. “That’s my whole point, though! It must be hard to have all these women he’s not interested in hit on him all the ti--wait, did you just insinuate that I’m one of them?”

“I might have,” Phoenix replied innocently.

Kath pulled a face. “That’s not very nice, Mr. Wright. You do know I would never try to steal Miles away from you, right?”

Phoenix chuckled. “Of course I do. I was only joking, Miss Everett.”

No, you weren’t.

And I can’t believe I thought she meant…

“Alright then,” Kath replied, smiling. She looked up at the clock on the wall. “I should probably get going. I have court in less than an hour. I was on my way to my office and decided to drop by. I didn’t think we’d be talking for this long.”

Of course not.

“Aww, you’re leaving, Kathy? I was gonna invite you out for lunch,” Larry said, pouting.

“Erm… Larry…” Phoenix let go of Miles’ shoulders and went to sit on the corner of the desk. “Don’t you have work today? Like, real soon?”

Larry’s eyes widened. “Oh, you’re right, dude! Totally forgot about that!” He proceeded to push up both his sleeves, before realising that he wasn’t wearing a watch. “What time is it, anyway?”

Miles rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Larry… there’s a clock on the wall right in front of you.”

I really have to wonder why I even bother sometimes…

“Eh?” Larry looked up at the clock and suddenly turned a very pale shade of white. “It’s already a quarter to twelve!? Oh my God, this is not good! I’m gonna be so fucking late, dudes! Chelsea’s gonna kill me!”

Phoenix laughed. “You say that every time, Larry.”

“It’s not funny, Nick! This time, she’s really gonna kill me!”

Miles rolled his eyes. “If that’s the case, don’t you think it would be in your best interest to shut up and get out of my office instead of wasting even more time?”

“Come on, Larry, let’s go.” Kath grabbed him by the arm and dragged him towards the exit. She opened the door and pushed Larry out of the room, before turning around to face Phoenix and Miles again. “So I’ll see you two tomorrow night, then! Don’t be late!”

“We won’t!” Phoenix replied, sounding a bit too enthusiastic for Miles’ liking.

Kath chuckled slightly, before finally disappearing behind the door.

Miles let out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding.

I don’t think I’ll ever get used to being around her. It’s as if her mere presence is making it impossible for me to be at ease.

…And now, thanks to Wright, I have to spend the whole evening with her tomorrow.

He turned to Phoenix. “I can’t believe you just did that.”

Phoenix looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “Did what?”

“You know perfectly well what I mean, Wright,” Miles replied through his teeth.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Maybe if you at least put some kind of effort into trying to make this look real, I wouldn’t have to force you to accept all of Kath’s stupid invitations.” Phoenix got off the desk and went to lean against the bookcase. He stayed silent for a moment, arms crossed, before letting out a sigh. “You know, I would think that after almost two weeks, you’d finally start to understand that. But you really don’t care, do you?”

Miles winced. If only it was still possible for him not to care, it would make this whole thing so much easier.

He looked down at his desk. “Why should I? It’s not as if you do.”

Phoenix snorted. “Oh, of course not. It’s not like I’ve been doing all of this to help you or anything. But I obviously don’t care, so we might as well just tell her the truth and let her hit on you now, right?”

Miles looked at him again.

I’m starting to wonder if that wouldn’t actually be easier for me, the way things have turned out…

“Do whatever you want,” he muttered.

Phoenix sighed in frustration. “You’re missing the point, Edgeworth!” He pushed himself off the bookcase and took a few steps towards the desk. “You think it’s that simple? That we can just tell her everything and forget all about it?” He laughed. “Yeah, cause I really want her to go tell everyone that I’m some crazy guy who likes to spend all his free time going out of his way to make people believe he’s gay when he’s really not.”

So I was right. You really don’t care. This is all about you.

“You know what, Wright? Maybe you do enjoy it. Because you’re doing a pretty damned good job of it, even when Everett’s not there to see it.”

Phoenix frowned. “…What? What’s that supposed to mean?”

He can’t possibly not have noticed the way he’s been acting recently…

Miles sighed. “Just… just forget it.”

“No, Edgeworth! I hate when you do that,” Phoenix replied, going to sit in the chair opposite Miles. “Why do you always have to…” He sighed. “Whatever. I’m just wasting my time, as usual.” Shaking his head, he looked down at the floor for a moment and took in several deep breaths, as if trying to collect himself. “Anyways, my point is, if she learns the truth now, who knows who she’ll go mouthing off to about how messed up she thinks we are. But as long as she thinks we’re dating, we don’t have to worry about her ruining our reputations.”

I hate to admit it, but…

“I suppose you’re right.”

Phoenix smiled. “I’m always Wright, Edgeworth.”

Miles rolled his eyes.

I should really avoid using this word in his presence…

“So can you please make at least some kind of effort?” Phoenix asked calmly, looking Miles in the eye. “Because, to be honest, I’m really not sure just how convinced she really is, and I’d rather not take any chances. And it’s really frustrating to feel like I’m the only one trying to make this work.”

…Make this work?

Miles studied Phoenix’s face for a moment.

What am I thinking? Of course that’s not what he meant. He’s just an idiot with awful communication skills…

And I’m an idiot who takes everything way too seriously…

Wright is right. This is all my fault…

This should never have been any more difficult than simple bluffing…

“…Edgeworth?”

Miles blinked. He realised he was staring and quickly looked away. “Sorry… I was just…”

“Thinking?”

Miles turned to Phoenix again. A grin was plastered across his face.

“I really do think too much, don’t I?”

Phoenix laughed. “Very much so. And you still haven’t answered my question.”

Miles crossed his arms. “It depends what your idea of making an effort is. If you think that I am going to kiss you at the party tomorrow, then you are sorely mistaken. Consider yourself lucky I’m even going after what you did.”

“Lucky?” Phoenix snorted. “It’s not like I want to go or anything.”

“You seemed pretty enthusiastic to me when you told Everett how nice of her it was to invite us,” Miles replied in a cool tone.

Phoenix pulled a face. “You, of all people, would know that I wasn’t being serious.”

“Still, the fact remains that, because of you, we both have to go to a stupid party neither of us wants to attend. Even worse, her whole family’s going to be there!” Miles shook his head. “I still can’t believe you did that. I’m sure there would have been better ways to ‘show her how serious we are’.”

“That’s the thing, though!” Phoenix retorted. “There’ve been plenty of occasions in the past week and a half, but you didn’t do anything! Give me one good reason to believe that was gonna change.”

Miles sighed.

He has a point. I wasn’t exactly planning on doing anything different.

Especially now that I…

He shook his head. Now wasn’t the time to get on that train of thought.

“You’re right,” he admitted. “But what am I supposed to do exactly?”

Phoenix shrugged. “I dunno. Stuff.”

Miles scowled. “Do you want me to try or not?”

“Well, what do you want me to say? That there’s all these things I want you to do to me?” A nasty grin suddenly appeared on Phoenix’s face. He got up from his chair and leaned over the desk. “Oh, Edgey-baby, I want you to run your hands all over my bod--”

-BANG-

“Everything alright in here, sir!?”

Phoenix immediately flopped back down into his seat, his eyes widening.

Miles smirked. Serves you right.

He turned to Detective Gumshoe, who was looking rather alarmed. “Yes… Everything is fine, Detective.” He cleared his throat. “May I ask what you’re doing here?”

“Well, err…” Gumshoe scratched the back of his neck. “I got your message, you see… and I could hear people yelling in the background, and I was pretty sure I heard something about someone wanting to do something to you, and then the message was cut off, so I thought that you might be in trouble, sir… But I guess I must have heard wrong.” He chuckled.

Miles raised an eyebrow. “I appreciate your concern, Detective, but that doesn’t mean you can just barge into my office without knocking.” He paused and stared at Gumshoe for a second, before adding in a serious voice, “I know how much you value your salary.”

Gumshoe’s expression turned somber. “I’m sorry, sir. It won’t happen again.”

I’ll never get tired of this.

“In any case…” Miles got up from his chair and planted his hands on his desk. “Wright here was just leaving. Weren’t you, Wright?” He turned to give Phoenix a glare.

“Oh… y-yeah…” Phoenix unintelligibly mumbled. “I almost forgot I’m supposed to be somewhere.” He glowered back at Miles, before proceeding to get up from his seat. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” He nodded and started walking towards the open door.

Gumshoe seemed to understand that it would be in his best interest to do the same as he rushed over to the door, pausing only to bow his head slightly, before closing it behind Phoenix and himself.

Upon hearing the door click, Miles sat back down and put his head in his hands. He took in a deep breath, before letting it back out slowly in an attempt to calm himself down. What had he gotten himself into?

Wright was right – if he valued his reputation, he would have to do something to convince Everett of the authenticity of their relationship. But, right now, the question was much more along the lines of whether or not he valued his sanity. And he already felt on the verge of losing it completely. That party tomorrow was definitely not looking good.

He leaned back in his chair and sighed.

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Last edited by Shiva on Mon Sep 21, 2009 5:12 am, edited 6 times in total.

Kath raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean you don’t know? I asked you if it’s hard or not. It shouldn’t be that difficult to reply with a simple ‘yes’.” She paused. “Or a ‘no’,” she added quickly. “Not that I want it to be or anything…”

Miles’ eyes widened. “…What!?” He took a hesitant glance down, before looking back up at her.

That was one of the best moments in this chapter. I can't wait to see how Miles ups the ante in his fake relationship with Phoenix.

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Ahahah, a lot of people seem to be quoting this part of the chapter for some reason

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Ah, it's been too long. Too long!
Aw, I was hoping that Phoenix would sneak in a small kiss during that scene in Edgeworth's office. XD
I can't wait until the next chapter!

I read this yesterday when I was having a reading session. I enjoyed this very much, it was well written and had a very lovely charm to it. Larry was hilarious in this story and it's nice to see Miles in this kind of situation.

Ok, I'm way too lazy to update the story here anymore, especially since I have to change all the tags for the forum code. I'm already posting it in a bunch of different places and it takes forever, so from now on I'm just going to post a link to the chapter on my LJ whenever I update.

Here it is:

http://shivasan.livejournal.com/26615.html

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Oh f*ck! I love this fanfiction! I've been following it for a loooooooong time. Can't wait till it's done >:)

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