Wonderful. I'm not sure if Magnifi would be that cruel, but who really knows? I guess I think that way because I made up a different reason why Thalassa had to abandon Apollo. But anyways, this is good.
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| Family Secrets (drabble, gs4 spoilers) https://forums.court-records.net/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=10854 |
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| Author: | vio55 [ Mon Jul 21, 2008 3:48 am ] |
| Post subject: | Family Secrets (drabble, gs4 spoilers) |
Title: Family Secrets Status: Complete (drabble) Rating: G Genre: Drama/Family Character(s): Magnifi Gramarye, Thalassa Gramarye, mentions of Apollo Justice Warning(s): GS4 spoilers. Summary: "The bracelet is no toy, Thalassa. It is a family treasure." A/N: Written for fanfic50. The prompt was "toy". I should really just put all my stuff in one thread. T_T_T I also think I got Magnifi slightly out of character. We don't really see enough of him for me to be 100% sure though. Family Secrets "Do you have any idea what you've done, Thalassa, by giving that baby the family bracelet?" Magnifi Gramarye's voice is loud and harsh as he glares at his daughter who is standing before him. She refuses to look him in the eye, and instead looks towards the ground like a little child hanging their head in shame. "The baby's name is Apollo, Father," Thalassa replies quietly. Magnifi leans forward in his seat, putting his hands together and places them on the desk, not appearing amused by this game his daughter is playing. "The bracelet is no toy, Thalassa. It is a family treasure. And you gave it away to the boy... to Apollo. What happens when the Gramarye secret is revealed?" "No one has to find out..." "Oh, but they will. You can not expect the baby to just know. He will question his foster parents. They will ask what is happening, and he will tell them. And then, they will know everything. Because they will know the bracelet belongs to the Gramarye family." Thalassa continues to stare at the carpet beneath her, pretending not to hear his truthful words. Her own bracelet lays on her left wrist, motionless; it proves to Thalassa that Magnifi is not hiding anything else about the reason why Apollo should not have one for himself. It was Magnifi who had forced her to get rid of Apollo, her first child, to keep the Gramarye Troupe alive. She had unwillingly followed his commands, done everything he had asked. But apparently that is not good enough for him, and it irritates Thalassa to no end. She places her hand on the bracelet and looks up, looking her father in the eye for the first time since Apollo had been born in the hospital. "You are the reason he's gone. I will never get to see him grow up. I will never get to hear his first word, hear his laugh, or tuck him into bed at night, or see him go off to school for the very first time..." She stops, and finds herself sniffling as tears roll down her cheeks. But she can not stop there. She can not let Magnifi control her again. "T-The least I could do is give him something to prove I care, despite the fact that I abandoned him. I have no regrets." And with that, she walks away. |
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| Author: | root_beer_junkie [ Mon Jul 21, 2008 3:52 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Family Secrets (gs4 spoilers) |
...You know, I can actually see this happening... This is very nicely done; good work! ^^ Is there more? Or is this completed? |
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| Author: | Caelestis [ Mon Jul 21, 2008 5:36 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Family Secrets (gs4 spoilers) |
Wonderful. I'm not sure if Magnifi would be that cruel, but who really knows? I guess I think that way because I made up a different reason why Thalassa had to abandon Apollo. But anyways, this is good.
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| Author: | vio55 [ Mon Jul 21, 2008 1:54 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Family Secrets (gs4 spoilers) |
root_beer_junkie wrote: ...You know, I can actually see this happening... This is very nicely done; good work! ^^ Is there more? Or is this completed? Thanks. :) I forgot to put in the title it's a drabble... D: So, it is completed. Caelestis wrote: Wonderful. I'm not sure if Magnifi would be that cruel, but who really knows? I guess I think that way because I made up a different reason why Thalassa had to abandon Apollo. But anyways, this is good. Well, like I said, we don't see enough of him to really tell. XD Hopefully it'll be explained in GS5. Glad you enjoyed it. |
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| Author: | Mia_Fey [ Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Family Secrets (gs4 spoilers) |
Very nicely done. This explanation would certainly explain a few things from the game. As a tip, you might want to watch your tense agreement a bit more. A few times you flip between the past and present tenses awkwardly like in this sentence. "She had unwillingly followed his commands, done everything he had asked, but apparently that was not good enough for him, and it irritates Thalassa to no end. " The whole first part of the sentence in done in the past tense which is fine, but the "irritates" instead of "irritated" is jarring. There are ways to switch between the two tenses smoothly and you do that several times in the fic, but it really can't be done in the same sentence. Anyway, I'll stop being picky now. It's a great fic. |
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| Author: | vio55 [ Mon Jul 21, 2008 5:01 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Family Secrets (gs4 spoilers) |
Mia_Fey wrote: Very nicely done. This explanation would certainly explain a few things from the game. As a tip, you might want to watch your tense agreement a bit more. A few times you flip between the past and present tenses awkwardly like in this sentence. "She had unwillingly followed his commands, done everything he had asked, but apparently that was not good enough for him, and it irritates Thalassa to no end. " The whole first part of the sentence in done in the past tense which is fine, but the "irritates" instead of "irritated" is jarring. There are ways to switch between the two tenses smoothly and you do that several times in the fic, but it really can't be done in the same sentence. Anyway, I'll stop being picky now. It's a great fic. Lol, I was worried about the tense agreement when writing it. :C Thanks for letting me know some parts were a bit awkward. I'll go back and try to find them when I have time. |
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| Author: | Ambiance [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Family Secrets (drabble, gs4 spoilers) |
aww, the ending was so sweet. I think considering the fact that we don't really learn too much about Magnifi, you did a pretty good job with his personality. It's like tough love. Except Magnifi's idea of tough love is apparently making his daughter get rid of her only son. xD Anyway I liked it a lot! |
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| Author: | vio55 [ Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:43 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Family Secrets (drabble, gs4 spoilers) |
XD Very true. Anyway, glad you liked it. :) Thanks for the review! |
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| Author: | Missile. x [ Sat Jul 26, 2008 12:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Family Secrets (drabble, gs4 spoilers) |
It was good and filled in a few things we didn't know about Magnifi (as they don't tell us) therefor we can just assume what his personality is like... 
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| Author: | vio55 [ Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:40 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Family Secrets (drabble, gs4 spoilers) |
Thanks. Glad you liked it. |
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| Author: | MercuryKitten [ Wed Jul 30, 2008 8:59 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Family Secrets (drabble, gs4 spoilers) |
You know, I've been really impressed by all these drabbles you've been making. Have you considered compiling them all into one thread? I'm looking around to see if you've done anymore. Very good work. I like your style a lot! |
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| Author: | vio55 [ Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:11 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Family Secrets (drabble, gs4 spoilers) |
I have more... 4-6 more that aren't posted here or on fanfiction.net. Hmm. I'll think about the thread thing. I'll have to ask that the existing ones be deleted or merged with the main thread, though. So, look around for it soon. :D |
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