Title: 11 Reasons Why Matt and Maya Shouldn't Want To Rip Each Other's Clothes Off
Author: (Witty Name Here)
Genres: Drama/Angst/er, there's some twisted romance in there
Pairing: Matt Engarde/Maya Fey. You may scream and run around in circles now.
Rating: PG15, to be safe.
Warnings: Oh, boy. Let's see. Angst, disregard for canon, sexual references, mindfuckery, more angst, more disregard for canon, major fucking OOCness, heavy language, switching tenses for dramatic effect and general CRAWWWWWLIN MAH SKIIIN kind of stuff.

This was spurred on by my determination to write a fic with the two hottest (in my opinion) characters. I kind of failed. Miserably. Did I mention that this fic is completely OOC and you'll probably want to kill yourself at the end? And it's kind of AU. IDK, ROLL WITH IT. Inspired by 11_reasons at livejournal. Despite the crackiness of the title, this is a SRS BIZNESS fic. Not really. This is more for my own lulz than yours. :D
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Eleven Reasons Why Matt and Maya Shouldn’t Want To Rip Each Other’s Clothes Off

1. Because she’s not even that attractive, anyway. (prompt no.08, legs)

Matt knows he’s a superficial asshole; that happened to be the only reason he dated Celeste. Hell, that was the only reason he was with any girl. He wouldn’t poke unattractive girls with a thirty yard pole, and if he had to come into contact with them he’d keep his distance. This is all true, as horrific to the general public it might be.

So what the hell was he doing being infatuated with some girl in a hippie getup that oh so conveniently ended many inches above the knees? She wasn’t eye-catching in the conventional way. Forget the slim figure and generally nice-looking features. It was his lawyer’s girlfriend, for God’s sake.

He was pretty sure it had something to do with those legs.

2. Matt’s hair was the only good thing about him. (prompt no.10, hair)

Maya may not look like it, but she’s actually quite a fan of men. She prefers to keep her attractions to herself instead of gushing about it to Nick, but she knows a good-looking man when she sees one. And she thought that Matt Engarde was a really handsome guy, but learning about his real personality made him a lot less striking than before.

But damn it if she didn’t love his hair. It looked so soft and smooth…

She shakes the thought out of her head, going back to transporting boxes of case files to the file cabinets. Being attracted to a psychopath didn’t really go over well in society.

3. She’s so god damn happy that it makes him feel bad. (prompt no.18, cheerful)

Out of the maybe three or four times he’s seen Maya, she was nothing less tha elated, for what reasons he doesn’t know or understand. How can she be so happy all the time? What right did she have to go around, laughing and smiling when he never had a reason to do either?

He found that relentless exuberance magnetic, and he suddenly realized what kind of implications that had. She possessed everything he lacked; a respect for humanity, generosity where she expected nothing in return, and not a single vengeful fiber in her body. Matt’s not sure whether to hate her for this or to respect her.

4. She’s seen what Matt Engarde is like when he’s bitter or enraged; it scares her more than anything she has ever seen. (prompt no.21, rage)

It’s when she’s by herself with him in the room that she is truly terrified. She knows that he probably doesn’t have the backbone to kill anyone with his bare hands, but that’s not even what she’s scared of. What Maya is afraid of is that she is the only one he feel like he can talk to without the slightest hint of anxiety.

It’s almost surreal, the way she is suddenly aware of the smallest movements she makes; the widening of her eyes, the shaking of her hands, the way her palms sweat. The way he flips his hair back and proceeds to go into a long and surprisingly calm (the undertones, however, still scare the hell out of her) rant about how he can’t trust anybody, how people always turn their back on each other, ad nauseum. Typical villainous speech.

She knows that he is a coward. She knows that he doesn’t have the guts to hurt her. But what makes her swallow, what stills haunts her, is how he takes the steps towards her, becoming way too close and invading her space, and whispering about how she is fast becoming the exception to his belief.

5. Because black shouldn’t be his favorite color, all because of her. (prompt no.25, color)

The color black is so common and plain that it’d be ridiculous to even like it. And he really can’t help it; the fucking color reminds him of her. He cannot get her onyx eyes, wide with fear, out of his mind. He likes that image; now that he knows what scares her, he thinks he’ll do it again. He loves the idea of attaching strings to her emotions, of being able to make her miserable and horrified at will.

He likes the picture of making her moan and sweat, too, however obscene it may be.

6. He shouldn’t have given her a thing for fingerless gloves. (prompt no.32, accessory)

Maya had given it serious thought and she decided that she was still hopelessly—albeit physically—attracted to Matt Engarde. Emotionally she would rather set herself on fire and jump off a skyscraper, and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why.

And she also found herself stupidly infatuated with those gloves of his.

7. Matt was so used to women bowing to him and begging to hop into bed with him that a girl who genuinely didn’t want to sleep with him turned him on. (prompt no.37, lust)

He never had to work hard to get a girl to sleep with him, and they were always dumb as shit. Even Celeste was like that. So when he encountered Miss Fey, who hated his guts more than anything else and was disgusted at the sight of him, he knew that she’d need a little…coercing before he would be able to do anything with her.

He wanted her more than anything else, if only because she was something to work for.

8. She really, really wants to understand why he’s the way he is. Maybe she’d be able to empathize with him more then. (prompt no.40, kindness)

“Mr. Engarde, why are you like this?” she asks quietly, not daring to even look at his face. She knows that he may actually hurt her for being so bold to ask something like that. Egocentric bastard…she thought bitterly before realizing that she may actually get a legitimate explanation.

There’s uncomfortable silence.

“Why do you care?”

“Because nobody’s born hating everyone by default…” She doesn’t understand why she’s being so gentle and soft with a man who was completely comfortable killing people. Damn her placid nature. This would not end well.

Maya feels him looking away at first, and then everything happens in a blur, and soon her mind is spinning when she feels his lips on hers.

9. He admittedly felt really, really low when he pulled away and saw her frowning. (prompt no.49, smirk)

Matt had seen many emotions in Maya Fey in their brief meetings and disdain was one he hadn’t seen. Then again, he couldn’t really tell whether it was disdain or dissatisfaction. He felt something completely unfamiliar when he looked at the growing smirk on her face.

He returned the gesture, knowing that they weren’t done here yet.

10. Holy crap. They were in deep shit now. (prompt no.52, kiss)

Needless to say, that wasn’t the first thing they did and that wasn’t the only thing they did. Something so incredibly wrong had never felt so good in Maya’s humble opinion. She knew it would stop when he went to prison; no doubt he knew it, too. It hadn’t occurred to them that it would end any sooner than that.

Oh yes. When Nick walked in on them in a particularly awkward position, that was the end of that.

After a minute of stunned silence on all three parties, Nick regained control the fastest. “Well. I’m going to walk out that door, and I’m going to pretend I never saw this. In fact, this never happened.”

Matt was infinitely screwed over now.

11. He knew it was going to happen, so why did he get so attached anyway? (wild card prompt no.67: reversed lovers, partings)

So eventually, much drama came about and he went to prison. It was inevitable. He had pretty much prepared himself for what was coming.

He watched her face as the judge guy handed down the verdict. It was completely and utterly emotionless. Damn it, he knew that he had a bigger effect on her than that! Even the dumbass lawyer knew what was going on. Why was she still so afraid?

Why did he care so much?

Because she was the only person who ever really gave a shit about him and didn’t run away screaming—although she was dangerously close to doing so—when she saw his real self. He never thought he’d confide in someone as much as he did with her.

Well, you know what? Screw her.

He tried to convince himself that he didn’t care. But he did. Jesus, he really, really did.
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WHAT DID I TELL YOU? (is shot)
Isn't the crack and OOCness delicious? This is the first Matt/Maya fic ever, and I've scoured every inch of the interwebs to find one. And am I the only one who thinks that Maya has...you know, a sex drive?

Next up will be 30_ballads, (WNH) style! 8D (is shot again)

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