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"The painful passage of time" Godot Fanfic by Gray Godot.
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Author:  Wanacoba [ Sat Jan 24, 2009 4:11 am ]
Post subject:  "The painful passage of time" Godot Fanfic by Gray Godot.
Title: "the painful passage of time"
Author: Me, Gray Godot.
Rating: I need to learn something about ratings. :payne:
Genre: Drama. (if this is wrong tell me plz)
Summary: We all wear masks to hide our past, feelings, our pain. And if your beloved ones are not there to tell you: "Everything is gonna be just fine". Fate does.

Spoiler:
"I cannot believe it! This is simply impossible! How did I let this happen!? I cannot believe that Trite beat me. I... I had to destroy him then and there." I shouted while my fists struck the wall of my apartment after a moment of bitterness looking a photo of Mia. I said, "I'm sorry, Mia, I couldn't. I was not strong enough." While I began preparing a white coffee and sugar to sweeten the bitter reality I remembered something that I said once to Mia: "The only time a lawyer can cry is when it's all over." That forced me to patiently wait for the following encounter that I would have with him.

The picture I had been looking at was taken on our first date, where we had went to a café and gone on a boat trip at Gourd Lake. She was so beautiful at the time, as always, but she was so depressed about "that case" that she wouldn't even dare to look me in the eyes, so I told her as if I was a father scolding a little child: "Mia, you were great in court that first time. You almost got it, but it was... her fault, not yours! You can't keep crying like that!"

"But if I had realized sooner... Fawles would be free, and alive, of course! I can't keep this badge," she said while thinking about throwing it into the lake. "I'm not strong enough to be a lawyer! I killed the man who trusted me!"

After that, she lost her strength and fell on her knees on the boat and cried bitterly.
It hurt me so much to her that weak. So I said in the softest way I could, "Mia, you're an excellent lawyer. You can stop being Mia Fey but one thing you can't stop being is a lawyer, and the only time a lawyer can cry is when it's all over. As you can see, it's not over yet and until the end I'll be by your side." As I got closer, she placed her arms around me. She was still crying, but this time, she was crying because she was relieved. That was one of the best moments of my life. And the picture with me and Mia sitting on a bench near the shore gave me the strength to carry on, because of that promise that I just couldn't keep: being with her until the end.

She is why I'm on this mission. I helped her in her hard times, and now, thanks to her, I can endure the pain. I must endure it.

For the past week, I had to control a case involving kidnapping. I was hardly interested, and after weeks I began to grow irritated that Trite did not appear in court. I also began to get depressed thinking that what I was doing was not okay. I thought I was putting too much emphasis in taking revenge, and that if I had a different hair color it would be turning white again with all of the stress.

In December, I saw my opportunity for another case against Trite, but before that I spied on and I analyzed the investigation and routine that Trite went through. It all led up to the fact that he was a fake, more than what he already was. That was a case where even the disastrous Winston Payne won to the false Trite.

Now, it was already New Years and I was lying on the ground, supported by a wall hoping that the winding festivity finished. It did not please me to see the joy in the faces of other people, while I was an abnormal one with enormous glasses that sank more into madness with every passing person. "Is it that my torture has not been sufficient enough to get others to notice? Does that mean, perhaps, that I must undergo more?"

This life of mine watched me coldly, and I tried to hold on to my thirst of revenge that was responded with a gift called: "Appeal to the Byrde case."

"That's it!" I cried happily. Now, it was my chance to take revenge. I knew Trite wouldn't resist helping that girl that was a victim of the false Trite. It was the moment to humiliate him. I had felt hopeless with the false Trite, but now I would prove whether or not he was a true lawyer.

Although the coffee is bitter, there is always sugar to sweeten... Ha! If you didn't understand, I will explain while I return to fill the thermos. This cup called life is one that watches me with coldness, but there is something that sweetens all things, including revenge. And there's something that sweetens everything even more: Trite's fall.


I hope this time is better than the last one, as my second work in this field I expect from your reviews the true even if it hurts. :edgy: And some constructive criticism would be good.
Hope you enjoy.

Special thanks:
-Purple Angel for giving me the idea of keep writing.
-General Luigi for telling me the first time I wrote that: "It had potential".
-And last but not least to Vio55 for all the time she spend editing and helping me with this. Thanks for everything Kris!

ENJOY!
Author:  Caelestis [ Sun Jan 25, 2009 9:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "The painful passage of time" Godot Fanfic by Gray Godot.
Excellent start. I'll be waiting for more. Writing character focuses (that's what I call stories that look into a certain character's life, thoughts, and feelings) can be difficult depending on the character, and especially when you write that character in first person. But I think you have most of Godot's personality down and some of his tone, which is what gets people to recognize in writing, "Ah, that has to be so-and-so"

I believe I just made no sense. In a nutshell, you're doing well getting into character and all of the conventional (grammar, spelling, etc.) look pretty good. Keep going!
Author:  Wanacoba [ Sun Jan 25, 2009 11:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "The painful passage of time" Godot Fanfic by Gray Godot.
Thanks Caelestis! You win $1.ooo.ooo for being the first post! XD

Thanks for your kind words and for being the only one who has read my fic (Apart from Vio55 who made the editing).

I made my approach into Godot`s mind carefully cause it`s very difficult to understand him, so I feel happy to hear what you say.

I`ll see if I keep going. :edgy:
Author:  General Luigi [ Tue Feb 03, 2009 1:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "The painful passage of time" Godot Fanfic by Gray Godot.
Again, I feel as though it could use more fleshing out. You did a good job of getting into Godot's character, I'll give you that, though I feel as though there is plenty of room to dig deeper. Melody alone is rarely enough to make beautiful music, just as a few glimpses into a story is rarely enough to impress people.

Still, I'm seeing improvement, and I know that my own skill with fan fiction needed time to develop before it was as respectable as it is today, so it would be hypocritical of me to look down on you for struggling in the same spots as I did. Many of my earlier works were similar in depth to what I've seen of your own works so far, so don't get discouraged.
Author:  Wanacoba [ Tue Feb 03, 2009 2:28 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "The painful passage of time" Godot Fanfic by Gray Godot.
Thanks General!

I`m not very sure what did you try to say with "fleshing out" maybe if you explain yourself I could apply that to my next fic.

I`m really glad you posted here! I thought Caelestis would be the only one. Even if it`s not as good as I thought I`m happy that you`re being honest with me.

Thanks for the review! And I hope you answer soon to the Question I made you.

BTW I need some advice about a fic I`m trying to come up with: It`s a fic about
:phoenix: / :franny: and I have no experience in romantic fics, so I thought if I asked for advice to an expert in the subject I would have more luck. If you could give me some tips about how could I write a good fic I would be very thankful.

Thanks again. :franny:
Author:  General Luigi [ Tue Feb 03, 2009 2:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "The painful passage of time" Godot Fanfic by Gray Godot.
By "fleshing out," I mean add more detail where possible--provided the detail isn't too much of a diversion from the plot. I know adding a lot of extra details, such as striking a desk or taking a sip of coffee, can seem trivial, but they can help add additional life to the characters and make them seem more realistic. If you plan on working with romance stories, detail is going to be key; an emotion as strong as love will have difficulty being properly expressed in the story if you don't provide enough detail or depth. Oftentimes, detail itself can help add depth to a story. To draw another connection to music, think of the plot as the melody, and all the details and depth as the accompaniment and--at times--a countermelody.
Author:  Mia_Fey [ Thu Feb 05, 2009 3:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "The painful passage of time" Godot Fanfic by Gray Godot.
I rather agree with General Luigi that this could more details. You have a good start, but it's going to feel more real to your readers if they can picture everything and almost be there to see this playing out. This actually plays a particularly important part in writing romance in my opinion (You had to know that this was going to get to that point ^_^). You've handled Godot's state of mind pretty well, having him so caught up in revenge that he isn't even considering whether or not what he's doing is truly "right." Nothing matters, but beating "Trite." It might not hurt to have a friend do a grammar check for you as well. Your mistakes aren't atrocious, but they can get in the way. Overall, I'd say it has promise.

Now, you asked me to give you advise on writing romance, for which I am very honored. I only hope that I can actually help. I'll tell you a few general things that I generally keep in mind when I work on a romance based fic. After that, if you have questions then you can either post them here or PM me. Unfortunately, I can't simply give you a prompt on how to write a fic because every writer does so differently and it's impossible for me to know how you intend to write this nor is there a "right way." I can only tell you what I try to keep in mind.

The first point to remember is that you're going to have to pick what person you're going to write in during the story. In this fic, you're in the first person, taking the place of Godot. Now, if you're the most comfortable in the first person, then you can certainly continue to write in it no matter the type of fic, but you should remember that, in that case, you can only descibe the thoughts of one character (And in romance, you always have at least two important characters. There's no romance with only one person. :P) With the third person, you can play the narrator and handle both characters because "you" are not in the story, but the narrator instead. Still, I've seen some good romance fics done in the first person, so you certainly can do so that way. You would simply handle the other character through physical description. "And he walked up to me and took me in his arms." So on and so forth. I've never found mixing them to work well, but you can try if you wish.

The next thing that I find important is not to rush things (Or at least try not to rush things. I think that everyone's fallen victim to that temptation at least once and I'm no exception). I've seen way too many romance fics which have two characters that have never shown any interest in one another end up in each others arms without any real reason or back story. Particularly in the case of something like Phoenix and Franziska, where their relationship is a bit antagonistic, that might be something to watch out for. Unless you intend to have them start off in a relationship, having them kissing early on might be a bad thing. And you will need to provide some back story if you wish to have them in a relationship at the start. Franziska can be rather stubborn and, even if she has feelings for Phoenix, it's unlikely that she's going to want to admit such a thing. Instead though, you can have her slowly start to notice her feelings as things go on until she can no longer deny it, first to herself and later to Phoenix. For example, a physical and/or emotional reaction to Phoenix's accidental touch (which would probably end in her threatening him with her whip :P) or a pleasant feeling while he's nearby which disappears when he leaves. On Phoenix's part, the actual admission of romance is probably a bit easier because he doesn't tend to be quite so hostile to her. He's just more likely to be that any feelings are not returned, although you can write him any way you see fit. My observations are only my opinions which are worth only as much weight as you opt to give them and no more.

The last point I'll advise you to do is be flexible. This applies to all writing, in my opinion. Plan your fic in advance, but if you find while writing that something doesn't work as well as you'd thought or you had another idea which works better, go ahead and write it. You get some real gems that way. :)

Anyway, I hope that this helped. If you want, you can always ask questions if you wish. Again, this is nothing more then my opinion which only has as much weight as you give it. ...I'm feeling a bit self-conscious at the moment. :P Good luck. I look forward to reading your fic.
Author:  Wanacoba [ Thu Feb 05, 2009 4:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "The painful passage of time" Godot Fanfic by Gray Godot.
Thanks for everything Mia. I`m really thankful for your advices, now that I`m trying to get advices from everywhere to get an idea of how am I gonna write that fic.

It makes me happy the thing that I got Godot`s character really good. So what you with the general are telling is that I need more detail, right? So if I do that and keep having control on the characters mind I would do it just fine. ummm... well.

About the thing of the romantic fics you`re telling me that: for someone like Franny I would need some background, and maybe it`s just me but fo Franny I would need some strong backgrounds to having her admit she`s in love with Nick. I know it :will: be hard to achieve that but I have to try. You are right about Nick, he`s more easy to handle in love situations, instead of someone as stubborn as Franny.

I thank you all for the tips and support on this fic. :edgy:
Author:  rednano12 [ Wed Feb 11, 2009 2:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "The painful passage of time" Godot Fanfic by Gray Godot.
Great work, but the tone seems a bit rushed. Give more details. Great start! Can't wait to see more.
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