Friday night. Time to open some wine and succumb to the gentle enchanting sounds of some classical music.
I dare say that I wouldn’t usually treat myself to the luxury of alcohol on a regular basis, but tonight after all is a time for celebration!
After the lengthy and difficult trial of the serial murderer ‘Mr. I. Dunnit’ we finally got our Guilty verdict!
So celebration is called for…yet sometimes I do wonder If this ‘celebration’ would be better enjoyed in the company of others.

*knock knock knock knock knock*

What Is that infernal noise?
I looked through the peep hole in the door to see Gumshoe’s broad foolish grin greeting me.
I know I longed for company but anybody other than Gumshoe would be appreciated.
Anybody.

* "Please xNoLemonHerex? Please not Gumshoe?" *
* "Sorry Edgeworth but No, Now get on with the Fanfic!" *
*sigh*

“What Is it Gumshoe?” I called wearily through the door.
“Hey Pal, It’s time to celebrate!” He beamed back.
I reluctantly opened the door.
“Gumshoe, I was just enjoying a quiet night alone-”
“Wow! Your place is really nice Sir!” Gumshoe said as he invited himself in.
“The operative word being alone” I reminded him
“C’mon Pal, We have to celebrate properly! I’ll take you out!”
Gumshoe really doesn’t understand subtle hints!
“Gumshoe, that won’t be nessasary, I’d rather stay in”
“You’ll love this place! They do classic music!”
“Classical music?”
Gumshoe doesn’t seem like the type!
“Yeah Pal, then we can go and get some Grub!”
Well I suppose it might not be as bad I expect, It’s best to give Gumshoe a chance at least!
The classical music does sound nice!
“Ok Gumshoe, Where are we going?”

We got in my car while Gumshoe tried to remember the names of the streets.
Ah! And as always, his dirty boots mess up the carpet!
“Um…I think it might be the Main St….Or Upper Street…Or maybe Lower St.”
“Gumshoe, Upper and Lower St. are on the same road. The Main Street. Is that where you want to go?” I asked as If talking to a child.
“Yeah!”
We drove to and parked on the main street and already I was regretting my decision to go with Gumshoe.
There wasn’t a theatre or opera house in sight!
Instead, the street was alive with poker houses, strip clubs, porn shops and night clubs!!
“Gumshoe, where are we going?!?” I demanded
“Were here Pal, Don’t worry!”
He stopped outside ‘ENERGY – ULTIMATE NIGHT CLUB’Oh For The Love Of!
“Gumshoe!! Where have you taken me? This place will certainly not do classical music!"
“Naw Pal, This music is classic! Classic electro and pop!”

“What possessed you to take me here of all places?” I hissed as we got in the queue.
“You haven’t even seen it yet, give it a chance pal!”
I went back to sulking until we arrived at the door.
The bouncer looked us both up and down while chewing his gum.
“Sorry, you’re not coming in…Next!”
Gumshoe’s shoulders dropped and he started to walk off.
Wait, did he just judge us and not let us in because of how we look?
Does he know how expensive this suit and cravatte are?
“Excuse me Sir” I said to the bouncer “Why are we not allowed in?”
“Well” he chewed “You look like a ponce, that’s why”
How dare he? Does he know who he is speaking to?
“I will have you know, that discriminating against someone on how they look is a federal offense!”
He looked unconvinced.
“And that I am an extremely successful prosecutor, and will not only sue you for a vast amount of money one that you will be paying for years, I will also get you fired.
You Sir, do not know who you are offending,
You will never work in this town again!”
Hah! How long have I wanted to say that?

I called Gumshoe back, and we went through to the club without another peep from the bouncer.
“Wow Pal, That was SO cool!”
“Well, one does things to defend his honour” And taking a look at the ‘club’ that I had fought so hard to get into, I wish I didn’t!

The music was too loud and pounding! The lights were flashing but the room was quite dark.
“Gumshoe, I didn’t know that you liked…This..”
“Well Maggie said that I should get out more!”
Oh Of course, Gumshoe is trying all sorts of things with his new sweet heart, but even so, I cant imagine him enjoying night clubs!
“Oh There she is! Hold on Pal, I’ll be back in a second!” Gumshoe bounded across the crowded dance floor, accidently knocking people over as he ran.

I put my hands to the bridge of my nose, trying to block out the noise, when I realised that I was standing in the middle of the floor on my own!
Feeling my cheeks growing red from embarrassment, I strode briskly over to the bar and sat down.
“A mineral Water please” The barman gave me a funny look before filling out my order.
“Sex on the rocks for me!” sounded the woman to my right.
“Excuse me?” I asked, shocked!
“The drink, you know!” She laughed
“Oh” What kind of drink is that?! “It seems an improper name!”
She laughed
“Ha, You’re pretty funny! I’m Ashley!”
I took a good look at Ashley. She was obviously drunk and was having a hard time keeping on the chair, She wore a mini skirt and a low plunging top, that It seems, didn’t want to keep on her!
“Edgeworth, pleasure to meet you”
“Sooo..” she slurred, looking me up and down “Are you fancy dress or something?”
“It seems that no-one nowadays appreciates a good suit and cravatte..” I sighed
Which only made her laugh harder.

“The doorman said that I was a ‘ponce’ whatever that is, so I had to threaten to sue him!”
“Edgeworth,” She giggled, “you are hilarious! You should do stand-up, I swear!”
By this time, she had received her ‘Sex on the Rocks’ and after sipping it for a bit had started to hit my shoulder every time I said anything ‘funny’…
I looked around for Gumshoe, lest I suffer anything more than a bruise from this young lady!

I spotted him dancing with Maggie, although I wouldn’t really call it dancing.
Gumshoe stepped from side to side, almost hopping from foot to foot while Maggie on the other hand jumped about wildly, hitting and injuring almost everyone around her.
I’ll make a note to keep my distance from her, for my own safety!
I made my way through the crowd to the space that had been created around the couple because of Maggie’s ‘dancing’.
“Oh There You Are Pal! I saw you talking to that girl at the bar and I decided not to interrupt!”
“I’d rather that you did Gumshoe…What am I supposed to do now?”
“Hello Sir!” Saluted Maggie when she saw me “I didn’t know you liked night clubs!”
“I don’t” I replied “Gumshoe You have Maggie here to keep you company, I think I’ll return home now”
“Naw Pal, You haven’t even danced yet!”
“Danced?”
I don’t think I’ve ever danced and I don’t want to start now!
“Yeah! If Phoenix can do it, then you can!”
“Wright is here?”
“Sure Pal, he’s over there!”
Gumshoe pointed across the room to Wright, who was dancing with his assistant Maya.
Maya was moving in a rather *ahem* immodest way, If not a bit lewd!
She was rubbing ...herself against Wright as if she had an itch on her…back.
I have to say that Wright seemed as shocked as I was!

He caught my staring and interrupted Maya’s ..performance.. and directed her attention over to me. Maya grabbed Wright’s arm and ran towards us.

“Edgeworth!” Maya Yelled “What are you doing here?”
“Nothing particularly exciting”
“Hey Edgeworth, This doesn’t seem the kinda place you’d enjoy!”
“I could say the same thing about you Wright”
“Maya dragged me here, but it’s not so bad when you get into it!”
“Maya really seems to be ‘getting into it’!” I smirked
“You really should Dance Edgey!” Maya smiled
“No thank you Maya, I’m perfectly fine”
“C’mon Edgeworth!” Wright encouraged “Dance!”
“Wright I’d really rather not!”
“Why not?”
“..I don’t know how..” I admitted quietly.
Maya burst out laughing. “You don’t know how?”
“It’s ok Edgeworth, I’ll teach you!” offered Wright
Ha! As if there could be anyone worse!
“*Ahem* Thank you for the offer Wright, but maybe another time”
“I don’t think we’d ever get you into one of these places again!”
“And you would be right!”
It seems Wright had not given up yet though.
“Edgeworth, are you seriously saying that you came to a dance club, but you refuse to dance?”
For once I think he may have a point..
“Ok, Wright, What do I do?”
“Yes!” shouted Maya
“Well just do what I do!”

Wright walked around the floor until he found a space, he nodded to the DJ, who’s plaque said – L 2daB 2da UTZ…Is that…Larry?!? Yet another career change!
Larry nodded back and put on the cd.
The song ‘You should be dancing’ by the Bee Gees came on, while Wright started to dance a poorly learned version of John Travolta’s dance in ‘Saturday Night Fever’!!

He threw legs and arms everywhere and even skidded down onto his knees and tried to do some break dancing!
But the rest of the crowd seemed to love the novelty!
Maya, Gumshoe and Maggie had even started a round of everyone shouting
“PHOE-NIX, PHOE-NIX”
“C’mon Edgeworth!” Maya screamed above the noise “It’s your turn!!”
“WHAT? No! I cant dance!”
“Neither can Nick! But because he’s trying to do the famous dance from ‘Saturday Night Fever’ everyone loves it! You have seen it, right?”
“Well Yes..But!”
“Then Do it!!!” Maya pushed me out of the crowd and into the space in the middle of the dance floor.

Soon the chorus of “ EDGY! EDGY! ” filled the room.
Oh! That silly stupid girl! Now if I walk away, I’ll disappoint everyone!
But If I dance, I will simply mortify myself!
“Edgeworth! Just follow me!” Wright called as the chorus came around again.
He stuck his right leg out and pointed his left arm into the air.
Then did the same with his left leg and right arm.
The crowd started cheering again.
I followed reluctantly, but as I got the steps right, the sound of “EDGY!!, EDGY!!” returned...and It was …Nice! More than that...It was Fun!

Wright stepped off the dance floor as I came into my own, strutting about, moving, shaking my arms and my legs, the audience loved it!
Now came the time for the dive to the floor on my knees!
I walked to the end of the room, took a run and went for it!!
*Riiiiiiiiiiiiip*
What was that?!?
The cheering stopped.
The noise stopped.
Everyone in the club crowded around me, concern on their faces. Complete silence.
What was that noise?
“Are you OK Edgeworth?” asked Maya “You just stopped!”
“I’m fine” I said slowly getting up
*Riiiiiiiiiiiip*
And the whole night club burst into laughter! Loudest laughing was that Ashley girl from the bar, who then proceeded to hit my arm while she chuckled away!
“What?! What is everyone laughing at ?!?” I hissed to Wright, who was crying from amuzment.
“Edgeworth-“ he started but interrupted himself with his own arrogant “guffawing”
“Edgeworth you – You Ripped Your Pants!!!” He started to crack up again.
I ripped my trousers? Never was there a reason for less merriment! And yet everyone Is laughing – At me!
I tried to stand up again.
*Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip*
The noise of my further ripping trousers sent everyone into a further state of frenzy, a few people actually fell onto the floor from laughing so hard!

Why ever did I agree to this?!?
Oh Yes. Gumshoe. All the troubles in my life can be summed up in one word. Gumshoe.
Hmmm… And Wright!. This was his fault too.!!
Oh For the Love Of- There it goes again!!! Gumshoe do not dare laugh Or your salary will pay the price! ..And of course he does anyway.
Why he loves to destroy his own income, I will never know.
Oh Another rip!!
This is an outrage! I have never been so mortified!
Edgeworth regain your composure, you are better than this.
Oh My No…

The worst person to come and laugh at me in my humiliating and vulnerable state now stood over me, a smug smile on her face.
“Miles Edgeworth! You ripped Your Pants!”
“Yes I did Fransizka, now If you don’t have anything else to add, I’ll be leaving –Gumshoe, lets go!” I covered my now visible underwear with my hands and stood up with one final *Riiiiip*
The Hysteria only grew louder when everyone saw my favourite ‘Prosecuting Boxers’.
“Right Sir” Gumshoe agreed, trying to suppress another chortle.
As we left and walked onto the street I heard “Ponce!” shouted from the bouncer. As we drove away, the sound of the laughter on the street eventually quietened down.

What humiliation! Things like that do not and should not happen to Miles Edgeworth!
That Is why I do not dance!
That Is why I do not listen to Wright or Gumshoe!
With Fransizka witnessing the spectacle, I’ll never live it down at the Prosecutor’s office!
“That Ashley girl was cute” Gumshoe eventually said, when he could be confident that when he opened his mouth, a small giggle would not escape.
I did not respond.
“She asked for your number after the..um…before we left!”
“Really? After the dance?”
Gumshoe betrayed himself and giggled.
Another salary cut.
“Yeah Pal, She was still laughing and she started hitting me…so I figured if she’s this violent when she’s happy...what would she do to me if I didn’t give her your no.!”

“Congratulations Gumshoe, you have successfully done my bruised arm a great injustice and given away my personal details to a woman who you described as ‘violent’ “
“Oh..”
I suppose the night wasn’t all that bad…Ashley Is quite pleasant to look at at, and I really should start meeting women!
“Look on the bright side Sir, Everyone was cheering your name before...they started laughing you…”
“That’s another pay cut Gumshoe”
“oh..” said the sullen Gumshoe as he drove me back home,
to the now welcoming thought of My Wine!