Title: Phoenix Gets Mauled By A Jaguar
Author: The_Metal
Rating: T, For Language and Violence in later chapters
Genre: Horror/Comedy
Status: In-progress
Pairing: None as of yet
Summary: Phoenix discovers his greatest challenge yet; a jaguar has escaped from the city zoo and the jungle cat seems hell-bent on his destruction. Before he realizes it, he is immersed in a race against time: to find the jaguar before the jaguar finds him.

Occurs during the period between T&T and AJ:AA.


Wright and Co. Law Offices.


“In other news, a large jaguar was reported missing from the city zoo. Citizens are urged to be cautious, as the animal may be scared and unpredictable…”

Phoenix Wright listened to the news as he kicked up his feet on his desk and drank his coffee.

“How exactly does a large jungle cat run through the city streets without being noticed? What kind of malfunction in security could occur to allow such an animal to escape?” He thought to himself.

Although he himself knew many greater coincidences and strange happenings that allowed themselves to occur inside of a court room, he seemed very dismissive of the possibility. What could the odds possibly be?

He heard a knock on the door.

“Yes? Who is it?” he asked.

The door slowly creaked open. The lights were turned off from the other side.

Phoenix began to stand up.

"...Hello?" he said. No sign of movement seemed to come from whoever was intruding.

He could hear heavy panting and breathing from behind the door. He heard a hiss as golden eyes slowly opened themselves to stare at him from the crack in the door.

“Oh, son of a—“ Phoenix began to yell, rising from his chair.

With a woofing roar, a blur of gold, black and orange flew from the doorway straight at him. It jumped on top of his desk, opening up its maw to reveal dagger like fangs.

Phoenix screamed and dove away, just in time to avoid a swipe from a large paw.

“Rarrrgh!” the jaguar screamed back.

Phoenix’s heart was thumping in his throat. He calculated his options as he tried to predict the animals next movement. Any wrong move could be suicidal.

The jaguar opened its mouth again; Phoenix could see down its red throat.

“What to do, what to do, what to do?! Wait! Charley!!” Phoenix thought. It was a desperation manoeuvre to be sure, but it was much better than the alternative: try in vain to outrun it in a frantic search for any available weaponry.

He dove for the plant. The jaguar seemed to grin, and with a snarl jumped off the desk to land behind Phoenix.

Phoenix snatched Charley and wheeled around in his place.

“Back, beast! Back!!” He yelled in fear as adrenaline pumped through his veins.

“Ffft! Rowr!!” The jaguar hissed as it cringed, stepping backwards as its glowing eyes seemed to fill with a tangible fear of the plant.

Phoenix couldn’t believe his luck: the fiend was afraid of Charley!

“Haha! Back!” he yelled, occasionally pushing Charley forth to earn an exclamation of rage from the cat and a jump backwards.

The jaguar continued to cringe and swiped at Phoenix one final time before, with one final hiss, exiting the room.

Phoenix slammed the door shut and barricaded it.

“Thank god!” he yelled, sinking to the floor. Looking around, head still throbbing in anticipation, he examined his office, searching for any improvised weapons he might use should the menace return for round two...

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It's... novel, I'll give you that.

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...Okay...

Why would the jaguar knock, though?

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Interesting... Original... Not sure if I can call it good or bad... Though I'll knock it down a few points for it being a Jaguar and not a Panther.

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LOL! Well in my opinion, it's funny for me. And also, i like the descriptions ^^ . And yeah- i second JasmineJustice's question xD .

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Attacking someone is no excuse not to have manners! What do you take this jaguar for, some kind of ani-

...Um. next question.



Surprisingly, a bit of thought went into this. the original candidates for the fic were a tiger, a panther, and a jaguar. I was going to go with Panther after thinking that a tiger was a bit too large for some of the scenes I had in mind, but I didn't think "Phoenix Gets Mauled by A Panther" rolled off the tongue as well. Jaguar or panther, it's a pretty obscure idea altogether.


Anyway, back to the story. *ahem*
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He determined he would surgically attach himself to Charley for the time being. By some stroke of luck, the jaguar seemed to despise or even fear the household plant.

His legs were still shaking as he shambled over to his telephone to call the police.

“Hello?”

Detective Gumshoe!”

“Oh, hey pal! What can I do you for?” Gumshoe asked cheerfully.

“SWAT Brigade! Exterminators! Get them over here!” Phoenix panted.

“…Why, pal? What’s the issue?”

“What’s the issue?!” Phoenix repeated to himself, in complete disbelief of how dumb Gumshoe could be sometimes. “A huge jungle animal just attacked me, that’s what the issue is!”

“Oh, right! Okay, sure thing, pal!... Wait, what kind of jungle animal was it?”

“It was a cat.”

“Oh. Well, what are you calling me for? You should have gotten a dog instead. Cats are nothing but trouble. Geez. Everyone knows that.”

“What? No, Gumshoe! It was a cat. A b-big cat!”

“Well, I guess that means more to love? If, y’know, you’re... into... *ahem* that kind of stuff…?” Gumshoe asked, sounding more distant, and almost a bit scared.

“Damnit, Gumshoe, it was that jaguar on the news! Three hundred pounds of feral feline is currently running wild in my office building, and I need your help to get the beast out!”

“Oh.” Gumshoe chuckled. “Well, why didn’t you say so, pal? We’ll take the thing nest out!”

“Glad to hear it. Get over here as soon as possible!” Phoenix said, hanging up on him.

He clutched his chest as he thought.

“Any second now, that thing could come back. I have to be ready. Steel yourself, Wright!” Phoenix thought to himself.

He looked around. He knew that Charley would be invaluable, but he needed something else.

A phone? “Yeah, all the better to strange him with the chord? Right. If I even fool him into such a position it’ll be an achievement. Not to mention if I can apply enough pressure, if he can’t fight back- No. Next option.”

Mias Law Books? “Oh sure. Hit him over the head with a book. Even if you could lift one of those suckers, hitting him with it will only make him more pissed off. Next!”

The shelf? “Tipping the shelf that contains all the books on top of him? Even if the shelf wasn’t going to be stopped by the desk in front of it, the thing would likely be swift enough to back away just before getting hit, and he would shortly afterward use my head as a volley-ball for trying to crush him.”

Honestly, the search for weapons seemed incredibly hopeless and without point. The best he could do is hope that Gumshoe could do his job with the accuracy needed to take this thing down.

And so it came to be a matter of playing the waiting game. After all, the doorway was barricaded shut.

What could possibly go wrong?

He froze in his shoes as he heard a knock on the door.

“N-No!” he said quietly.

The knock became more forceful.

“No! Stay back!” Phoenix shrieked, cringing.

The knocks became like explosions to Phoenix’s nervous ears until they slowly began to move the barricades he put up.

He breathed heavily, unable to contain his panic.

The door burst open.

He seized Charley, closed his eyes tightly and shrieked, pushing the plant in front of him as he tilted his head away.

“Back! Back! Get away from me, you filthy monster! You infernal beast from hell! You foul, savage animal! I hope you die!! Get away from me!”

Silence.

He opened his eyes, slowly and looked at the doorway.

Gumshoe, and twenty men in SWAT uniforms stood on the other side, looking at Phoenix as if he had grown another head.

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Only this story could convey me to come out of lurking. You are the next Shakespeare!

Thank you, good sir! However, I'm nothing in comparison to some of the other authors you'll find here!

Without further ado, next chapter!

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Are… You okay, pal?” Gumshoe asked warily.

Phoenix simply fell into his arms, which only made the Detective even more confused.

“I have never been more happy to see you.” Phoenix said, hugging him.

Gumshoe grinned.

“Well, thanks pal! Don’t worry. If there really is a jaguar here, my men’ll fish it out no sweat. Just stay here.” Gumshoe said, still smiling.

“Thank you! Thank you!” Phoenix said, unable to contain his happiness.

“No problem, pal…” Gumshoe said, slightly looking to the side before he gave the SWAT Brigade their orders and was off.

“Well. That is a load off my mind, knowing that they’ll take care of it.” Phoenix said as he walked to his computer.

“…Hm. Jaguar.” He said to himself. He decided to do some research on his computer.

“Jaguar, ‘panthera onca’: Biggest cat behind tigers and lions. It is the fiercest cat on the planet, and has an exceptionally powerful bite in comparison to other big cats that allows it to kill armoured reptiles. It kills by puncturing the skull of its victim with its long fangs. Indigenous to South America. The main aesthetic differences between leopards and jaguars is the larger size of a jaguars spots and the fact that it possesses shorter limbs. It primarily chooses to stalk and ambush its prey over chasing it down. Has strong skin on its stomach that allows it to get kicked with minimal injury.”

Plenty of things the article said scared Phoenix even more. It kills by biting the brain of its prey? It stalks and ambushes its victims?

He had to relax. Calm down. Do something to make sure he didn’t completely lose his mind. He decided to make a call as he swung around in his chair and faced the wall.

“Hello?”

“Maya.”

“Oh, Nick! Hi!” Maya cheered.

“Maya! Don’t come to work today!”

“Well, why’s that?”

“Because, a jaguar is running loose in my office, and he can smell the burger you’re eating from a mile away.”

“How did you know I was eating a burger?” Maya said through a slightly full mouth.

“That’s not the point! Look, promise me, okay?”

“But I like seeing you. Working with you is my favourite part of the day.”

“…It is? Er, uh, I mean, no! Don’t come to work if you value your life!”

“I think you’re being a bit dramatic…”

“Dramatic!” Phoenix said, incredulous. “There is a wild animal in my office!”

“Getting attacked by wild animals isn’t anything new. Remember that time Regent charged you?” Maya asked, sounding more sceptical.

“Maya. There is no blonde circus trainer here to stop it. The only things here are a ferocious animal and a few cops that are trying to track it down. Don’t come to work today.”

“…But…” Maya said, sounding almost a bit sad.

“No. Please don’t come.”

“…”

Maya hung up.

Phoenix ran a hand through his hair.

“It’s fine. It’s okay, everything’s cool. Maya has enough sense not to come if I put that much stress on it. It’s fine. Everything’s good.”

He swung back to face the door and screamed.

“…Do you usually talk to yourself like that, pal?” Gumshoe asked.

He let his heart come back down to a healthy pace before he answered.

“Don’t do that!” he yelled again. He contemplated smacking Gumshoe, but decided that even in panic it was a bad idea.

“Sorry pal. Just though you might need some company.”

“Thank you.” Phoenix said, giving him a smile.

“No problem!... So, what were you hoping to accomplish by shoving that plant in that cats face?” Gumshoe asked, trying to contain his laughter.

“Well, it attacked me earlier, and when I showed him it, he got scared and ran away.”

“Huh… worth looking into. Anyway, can you describe to me what your jaguar looked like?” Gumshoe asked, taking the pen out from behind his ear and taking out a notepad from his inner jacket pocket.

“Well, it was big.”

“Okay.”

“And it had large spots.”

“Go on.”

“And uh…”

“Yes?”

“Well, It was a jaguar!! Except for the fact that it was trying to kill me, there wasn’t anything special about it!... Wait…”

“Yeah, what is it, pal?” Gumshoe asked, a bit surprised by how jumpy Phoenix seemed.

“It knocked.”

“It… knocked.” Gumshoe asked, looking dumbfounded.

“Yes. It knocked on the door before entering.”

“…I, uh... I see.”

“No, Gumshoe! It knocked! You gotta believe me!”

“Right. I gotcha, pal!” Gumshoe said, as he walked out the door.

“Gumshoe!” Phoenix yelled after him.

“I’m gonna, uh… check on the men!” Gumshoe said, already sounding like he was a good distance away from Phoenix’s office. He headed into the elevator and pulled out his walkie talkie.

“Gumshoe! That’s what he wants you to think! He wants you to think he doesn’t exist!” Phoenix yelled after him. He turned to get out of his seat, perhaps to follow him, but he noticed something strange.

A yellow rope like object descended down from the ventilation. It had a black tip and it was adorned with brown rosettes.

Phoenix stared at it.

It twitched.

His heart froze as he clued in. He slowly looked up.

The jaguar was in a crouching position, looking down and emitting low growls as its shoulders rose up and down, poised to strike. Its greedy glowing eyes seemed to ask the lawyer if he had any last words. It grinned sadistically with yellow knife-like fangs as it gazed in triumph upon its prey.

Phoenix in response merely gasped, occasionally choking out butchered parts of words, in his fear unable to communicate. Its teeth were longer than his index fingers, and several hundred times sharper.

And if he didn’t think fast, they would be plunging inside of his skull at any second.

Life suddenly became mute, and Phoenix registered everything in slow motion as he jumped over the desk, grabbing Charley as he went. The jaguar plunged down, barely missing him as the lawyer screamed out the name of Detective Gumshoe at the top of his lungs.

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This is awsome! I'm really enjoying reading it. Please write more

More More More..... Soon...please

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Wow, this story actually got me reading a nonerotic fan fiction.

Well done sir, well done!

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If that's true, I must have truly outdone myself! ;)

Sorry about the wait, guys. Wasn't exactly sure how to carry on from here. Now I think I have an idea.

Next chapter.

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Life slowly but surely began to kick back into speed, the blurs around Phoenix and the jaguars legs began to diminish as the two found themselves running down the hallway.

“Gumshoe!” Phoenix screamed again. Why oh why did the hallways have to be so poorly lit?

Despite, he knew the detective was far away from here by now. He turned around, ready to accept his fate, only to discover the jaguar was gone.

His heart was pounding in his throat now. The jaguar was a cruel animal to be sure, but surely it didn’t have to terrorize him this much before killing him?

“Phoenix, calm down.” He heard a soft voice say.

“Mia?” Phoenix asked no one. It was official. He had officially lost it.

“Phoenix, calm down. That jaguar can smell fear. If you fear it, it will surely find you, and it will surely kill you. Relax... Help is on the way. Good luck…” Mias voice faded away.

“Mia? Mia! Damnit!” Phoenix shouted.

He looked every which way. Death was stalking him, taking its sweet time in this very corridor.

He pricked up his ears for a growl, a purr, claws making their way across flooring.

He heard nothing. The jaguar was in rare form, in spite of the unnatural conditions it was in, it was determined to strike soundlessly.

“It’s okay. Listen to Mia. Don’t worry about this, but don’t make any wrong moves. Don’t worry. Charley will protect you for now. You just have to survive to see the moment when Gumshoe and his men nail that thing.” Phoenix thought to himself. He was afraid of making any noise.

He creeped through the darkened hallways, occasionally moving his head a fraction of an inch to look behind him to see if the jaguar was following him. For the moment, it seemed he wasn’t.

He moved along, trying to ensure he was as quiet as the animal surely trailing undetected behind him. The lawyer did not wish for his life to end in a spotted flash of yellow.

He tried to move as stealthily as the thing behind him, hoping to run into an officer. The urge to scream was truly overpowering, and as long as he had a man with a tranquilizer gun he could run behind, he would be perfectly fine.

But there were no such heroes here: Just a bloodthirsty cat lurking somewhere behind him.

It sent chills down his back. He hoped to come to a doorway somewhere that he could slam behind him: It would at the least, delay the jaguar somewhat.

He stopped and strained his hearing.

He heard nothing; the paws of the jaguar behind him were silent. Sweat ran down his features now. Was it behind him, or wasn’t it?

He turned around, clutching Charley.

The jaguar was nowhere to be seen and left no glowing eyes, nor twitching tail to convince him otherwise.

Phoenix trotted backwards and the trot turned into a run.

He had to find an elevator: and quickly while he still had time to escape. He remembered Mia’s words: Have no fear.

A part of him felt like crying out for her at the top of his lungs. He had not known if she had encountered a problem like this. A wild cat in the office seemed unlikely, but as he learned in court, anything is possible.

He eventually found an empty room; or rather, the janitors closet, where he could hide. He started to hyperventilate in a crumbled heap in the corner.

“Help is on the way.” Mia said once again in a ghostly whisper.

“Mia…” Phoenix whispered back as he curled into a ball and fell over.

On the shelf behind his head, he noticed something as he looked up.

Cans of paint. Red, yellow and blue. He had no idea of what they would be doing here, but he knew what he had to do.
He had seen this kind of thing done before in documentaries. Tribal war paint for camouflage; tribesmen and hunters would paint themselves with chalk and clay to avoid detection from other predators.

He opened up the cans and got to work, dipping his fingers into the paint and scrawling on his face; his nose, lips and eyelids blue, with the yellow he painted horizontal stripes across his face. And he finally decorated his cheeks with red that curved down his jaw to his yellow chin.

“This creature has made an animal out of me.” Phoenix mused as Charley witnessed Phoenix’s transformation. With paint stained hands, Phoenix picked off some of Charley’s leaves, tucking them behind his ears. He was apologetic, but he knew that it had to be done.


The red dripped off of Phoenix’s fingers and onto the flooring.

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Uh oh. That might be of utter significance.

CONTINUE
its really killing me to wait.......maybe not killing....

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The title sure caught my attention, and provided me with a mild chuckle

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Good to hear that I accomplished what I set out to do. Thanks much for reading, everybody!

Next chapter!

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The jaguar purred, a loud rumble as it slowly peered over its cover from behind a filing cabinet in the hallways, its eyes cutting through the dark as if the creature was seeing in perfect sunlight.

It was a creature that acted not from necessity, but with reason.

It stalked down the hallway, growling still, letting its prey become aware of its presence. It was not leaving until revenge was had.

“Rrrowf…” It snarled, its tail twitching as it slowly sped up.

The elevator revealed one person who had his back turned.

Easy pickings.

“Roargh!” It roared, a coughy noise, but utterly spine-chilling nonetheless as it rushed.

“Aghh!” the officer screamed, lifting up his gun only for it to be smacked away with a clawed paw, ricocheting off the walls onto the floor. The flash from the gun lit up their eyes for a split second as the dart embedded itself into the wall.

The jaguar sensed the fear in his eyes.

And it looked just right.

The officer screamed again in pain. The animal had broke his wrist, and claw marks trailed down his armoured hand, leaving angry streams of blood in its wake.

The officers eyes were trained dead ahead on the jaguar, but he wasn’t quick enough and it was soon on top of him.

It was a sad fact of nature that one unarmed man was not enough to destroy a creature of precision, grace and power like a jaguar.

One blow to the head from one of its paws made sure he didn’t get up again.

“Rrrrrgh…” the jaguar snarled, its tail flicking as warm blood started to slowly spread underneath its paws.

It observed the alien creature skeptically as his breathing began to come to a halt. It had killed the wrong man.

It puffed out of its black nose, dismissing the creature as insignificant. The jaguar passed over its body with nimble strides as its nose slowly descended to the ground and looked for the scent of its prey.

It growled.

Its quarry was playing a game of hide and seek with it.

A game that the jaguar would surely win.

With a final roar to suffice for a ‘ready or not’, the jaguar jumped up and ran down the hallway.

***

Phoenix, with his fingers still red and damp scrawled on the wall of the closet words such as ‘help me’ and ‘save me’, but he knew that no one would look in a janitors closet for the last minute thoughts of a lawyer who was eaten by a ferocious beast. The pressure of his reality made his heart sink.

He considered calling Gumshoe again, but the paranoia was crippling: what if the jaguar was waiting in the hallway for a noise to trace back to the quarry it was pursuing?

A simple name wandered his mind as his hands gradually started to move towards the wall.

M.

He prayed that she would be okay, for once follow his frantic advice.

A.

No matter how serious things got, Phoenix was there for her.

Y.

He couldn’t bear to think that she might not obey him and get killed as a result. He saved her from assassins, from evil spirits...

A.

But locked in a janitors closet, trembling in fear, he knew he couldn’t save her. He couldn’t spare the life of any officers.

And he was rotting away in here himself out of his own cowardice.

His legs trembling as he stood up, he took one last look at the name he painted on the wall in dripping red before grabbing Charley and making his exit.

The scent of blood and cat piss accosted his nostrils like a punch to the face.

“Oh my god…” he realized, as he covered his nose.

The smell of gore only proceeded as he progressed slowly down the hallway.

He had to bite his painted lips to prevent himself from screaming as he saw the twitching bloody carcass of the dead SWAT officer.
He examined the scene.

“The jaguar has claimed its first victim, it seems… Did this man die in my place…?” Phoenix asked himself trying to keep looking at the mangled body for any clues. He found none, but after a small examination confirmed he had died after the jaguar broke his neck. The claw marks down his arm indicated that he could have bled to death simultaneously.

Dead SWAT Officer added to Court Record.

He looked down the hallway and knelt down, brushing the paw prints with a finger.

“These are fresh. He had only died recently, and the jaguar only made its exit recently too. It headed in the opposite direction from where I came. I’d like to follow these tracks, see where it could have gone… But that seems suicidal… without some sort of weapon.”

Bloody Paw Prints added to Court Record.

He looked at the wall. He noticed a splash of blood, and something else sticking out of the wall.

“Hm. I see he was packing some sort of tranquilizer gun. If this dart in the wall is of any indication. I guess he must have misfired when the jaguar attacked him. A fatal mistake: if he didn’t miss… he might still be with us right now…”

Red Dart added to Court Record.

“Aha. Just what the doctor ordered.” He said triumphantly as he discovered a gun not far from one of the jaguars paw prints.
He had no prior gun experience. But as far as he knew, it was as simple as pulling a trigger, right?

Obtained Tranquilizer Gun.

Phoenix’s hands couldn’t stop shaking as he walked down the hallway, and the walk turned into a run as his eyes searched frantically for the jaguar.

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Hmm the title certainly caught my attention. What's even better is how well written this is. It's definitely a fic I'll have to keep my eye on. It's getting really good.

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More Please! This is getting to be very interesting.

Very nice! I'll be looking forward to the next chapter! ^^

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