Court Records :: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction! : Present Testimony - Page 69

Court Records https://forums.court-records.net:443/

Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction! https://forums.court-records.net:443/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=21506	Page 69 of 69

Author:	Sky [ Tue Aug 18, 2020 4:02 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
I think you should definitely take a break after you finish sporking this one. I'm seriously starting to get worried about how this might affect your mental health. A bit off-topic, but what's up with the rise of John Phoenix fanfic and dakoolguy in the front page. I kinda feel like I'm out of the loop. Edit; I was trying to find a story on ff.net, so when I clicked on filter and browse through the characters, I found Dakoolguy..? How did he get his name in there?

Author:	DJJ680 [ Thu Aug 20, 2020 4:22 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Don't worry. I plan on taking a long break after this one. As for his rise, I honestly can't tell you. Even though I was there when it happened in around March or April. The author just started going around to other people's fanfics and spamming reviews telling them that their OC was the best of all time. Then a bunch of other accounts started making even worse fanfics starring John Phoenix. They've even started going after longtime author JordanPhoenix for what they view as plagiarism, even though she's confirmed to use a website that gives creative inspiration for writing tips.

Author:	DJJ680 [ Thu Aug 20, 2020 5:14 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
John Phoenix vs Kumar Timalsina Sporking Part 10 Trucy: Only two more chapters left, everyone! We can do this! Apollo: You sure? Cause I'm not really feeling it right now. Speakers: If it's any consolation, these two chapters are relatively short. You should be fine. Phoenix: We're never fine while we're in here. Edgeworth: We'll only be "fine" when this place is shut down for good. Speakers: As long as there are terrible fanfics out there, we will never be shut down. [The lights dim.] Spoiler: Quote: PROLOGUE 2 Apollo: Great start already. Quote: Kumar Timalsina put on the hat and gloves, instantly transforming into the man with the hat! "I admit it," said Kumar. "I am the man in the hat. I clap my hands to you, John Phoenix. But why did you suspect me?" Edgeworth: Because his name is literally in the title and he's been shown to always be the antagonist of the story? Phoenix: And there's really been no other major antagonist in this story apart from von Karma, who's literally a brain. Quote: "It was a simple matter of logic," said John Phoenix. "I asked myself, 'Who from my past wears a hat or gloves?' There was only person who fit the bill. Wilt Wally, my first enemy. Remember, he said he wore gloves during his crime." Phoenix: Wait, who? Trucy: I think he was the culprit in the very first trial of the last story. The one who tried to frame fic-me for murder. Apollo: Weird time to bring him up. Also, wait, is this fic saying that Kumar is actually Wilt? Edgeworth: That's impossible. He's dead. Phoenix: Since when has death ever mattered in these stories? Edgeworth: ...true. Quote: "And the hat?" said Uncle Phoenix. "He wasn't wearing a hat." "No. For the same reason he wasn't wearing gloves. He took the hat off after killing John Dead." "That makes a lot of sense." Edgeworth slammed his desk. "No! That makes no sense. Wilt Wally is dead. What does he have to do with the man in the hat?" "Isn't it obvious?" asked John Phoenix. "Kumar Timalsina is Wilt Wally's son. He inherited his father's gloves and hat. That's why Kumar has gloves and a hat. And that's why he wants revenge on me... because I made him 'suffer' when his father committed suicide in court." Apollo: Okay, apart from the fact that a one off character was shown to have worn gloves during his appearance, how exactly was this in any way foreshadowed throughout this fic?! Phoenix: If it was, I know I certainly missed it. Quote: "But your conduct that day was irreproachable! All the leading jurists in the country agreed!" cried Edgeworth. Edgeworth: I think the author needs to find out what "irreproachable" means. It's far from what they think it is. Quote: "What can I say? It seems the Walt family genes are cursed. That's why the father is a murderer and the son a pedophile." Apollo: Still not a real pedophile! And what do genes have to do with that?! Quote: Kumar Timalsina shed a single tear. "Yes... you're right. You're always right. I'm Wilt Wally's son. I was living in Khurain when it happened. My father's death is what made me make the switch from defense attorney to prosecutor. I wanted to get my revenge on you... to dehumanize you in court like you dehumanized my father!" Edgeworth: ... Phoenix: Actually...that kinda sounds similar to your story, Edgeworth. Edgeworth: I realize that. And I don't like it one bit. Apollo: And when they put it that way, it almost makes it seem like we're supposed to be rooting for the villain here. Quote: "You were also the Irfran Nilgiria that Apollo met on his way to the birthday party, weren't you?" asked John Phoenix. "Tell us about that." Kumar cried a second single tear. "Yes. It was a challenge making myself as stupid as Irfran. My father almost identified me. And why? I had joined up with Manfred von Karma and John Dragon's terrorist friends. An enemy of John Phoenix is a friend of mine. They had a plan to use the Big Magatama to channel their leader John Dragon's spirit. They needed as much spirit channeling energy as they could get to find his spirit... spirit channeling with no heaven or hell is hard." Phoenix: ...that's...not how the big Magatama works. And that's not how spirit channeling works either. Trucy: Does anything actually work in this story? Apollo: Certainly nothing intentionally works. Quote: He continued. "Pearl was in on the plan. Anyway, during the hide-and-seek game I drove her to Hazakura Temple so she could use its power during the channeling. I had Misty Fey's corpse in the trunk. We needed that, too, in order to channel John Dragon. Pearl ate it to get more spirit channeling power and then she managed to channel John Dragon with the help of the Big Magatama and Mystic Arnie's spirit while Larry Butz and Dr. Hotti were sleeping in another room." All: ... Phoenix: Did...did they just say that Pearls resorted to CANNIBALISM?! Apollo: ...I think so. Phoenix: Okay, this is beyond bad. This is absolutely DISGUSTING! Pearls would NEVER do something like that! You could not be farther from Pearl's behavior and mannerisms if you even tried! I feel legitimately unclean just reading this! Edgeworth: My thoughts exactly. And the author has the nerve to only rate this story as T?! Trucy: That is not okay! That is not okay at all! Quote: "She ate her mother's rotting corpse?" asked Phoenix Wright. "That's strange. Why would she do that? Or channel John Dragon?" Phoenix: Wow! Understatement of the century, fic-me! Edgeworth: Also, Misty Fey is not Pearl's mother. She's her aunt. Phoenix: Bit of a minor issue, Edgeworth! Quote: "Because she was a terrorist," said John Phoenix. "I long suspected as much." "Impossible!" said Maya. "Possible," said John Phoenix. "Yes, she was a terrorist," said Kumar. "But John Dragon wasn't. He'd had a change of heart ever since being dead. He loved his brother now. He picked a gun off the floor and killed himself... and Pearl, of course. That put an end to Manfred's plans to assassinate John Phoenix in the dark during the hide-and-seek game and have John Dragon impersonate him and take over his life." Apollo: Didn't sound like a very well thought out plan, didn't it? Trucy: Well otherwise, we'd have a good story. Phoenix: Except for the whole cannibalism thing. Quote: "It wouldn't have worked, anyway," said John Phoenix. "You'd have only killed Apollo Justice. I wouldn't have cared." Apollo: ...you know what? I'm beyond caring at this point. Trucy: Wow, Polly. This fic has really gotten to you. Edgeworth: It's gotten to all of us, Trucy. Quote: Kumar sighed. "Yes, nothing went quite how Manfred wanted it. But Pearl's death presented a new opportunity, an opportunity to frame you for her murder. But we couldn't be sure whether the gun was yours or your uncle, so we needed to plant one more piece of evidence." "The knife..." said Phoenix. "No," said John Phoenix. "It was actually a fork." He presented the knife. "That's why my fingerprints are on the knife, because it's the one Pearl handed to Apollo during the party, and he had flesh colored gloves with fingerprints that matched mine." Phoenix: ...that's not a thing. Edgeworth: Also, a fork? Where did that come from? Quote: "But that's a knife," objected Uncle Phoenix. "A knife is not a fork. It is a different implement." "Uncle Phoenix, be quiet. You are wrong. Everyone, kindly visualize a three pronged fork, the kind used at the birthday party." Everyone did so. "Okay, now what?" asked the judge, eyes closed. "Remove the two prongs on the side." "Okay... by jove!" The judge's eyes fluttered open. "When you remove the two prongs from a three pronged fork, the middle prong becomes a KNIFE!" Apollo: That's...not how it works. Trucy: Yet another thing that doesn't work in this story. Quote: "And that is how my fingerprints got on the 'knife.'" Everyone applauded, genius, John Phoenix. "It appears you've figured it all out, John Phoenix," said Kumar Timalsina. "Manfred's plan to revive his leader... my plan to ruin your life..." "Actually, you told us that," said Uncle Phoenix. Kumar ignored him. John Phoenix is a genius and had made him tell. "Killing Pearl wasn't intended, but it aligned perfectly with my aims. To destroy you in court." "You lose, Timalsina," said John Phoenix. "No, I do not lose, you lose!" Kumar Timalsina stole the bailiff's gun and aimed it John Phoenix! Phoenix: Oh good. The inevitable confrontation that will probably result in John somehow being able to survive. Edgeworth: At least there's only one chapter left. Trucy: How will it end folks? How will it end? Apollo: Let's get this over with and find out. Phoenix: At least we'll be free of this story. Spoiler: Quote: Prologue 3 Apollo: But that's not even...never mind! Let's just keep going! Quote: Kumar Timalsina threw the gun to John Phoenix! Everyone gasped! "Now it's time for my perfect revenge!" Kumar extended his index finger. "I am going to make you kill yourself, John Phoenix, just like you made my father! Put that gun in your mouth and pull the trigger! Nobody likes you! Everyone hates you!" Phoenix: Oh thank you. He says what we're all thinking! Edgeworth: Now if only that would actually happen. Quote: John Phoenix put the gun in his mouth. "NO JOHN PHOENIX HE'S LYING!" cried Uncle Phoenix. The judge stood up. "Good lord! Stop!" He got out of his chair and ran to John Phoenix. Kumar grinned evilly, but instead of killing himself, John Phoenix fired through the judge's robe and shot Natan Ingram! "It appears you seriously misjudged my psychology, Timalsina," said John Phoenix. "It will cost you your case." All: BOOOOOOO! Phoenix: Also, I think the case isn't that important right now. Quote: He bowed as everyone cried tears of relief. Natan crawled out leaking blood and guts and pulled at Edgeworth's pant leg. "Miles... help me..." he gurgled. Instead of helping his husband, Edgeworth stole the second bailiff's gun! "Father, no!" cried Kumar. Natan tried to crawl away. "Miles, please! Remember our wedding vows!" "Till death do us part," recited Miles. "Now here comes the death part." He blew off Natan's head and blood sprayed everywhere! "Father, how could you!" cried Kumar. Edgeworth regarded his adopted son coldly over his shoulder. "I never loved you or Natan, Kumar. I only married him and adopted you and Irfran to stop your evil plot. Rumors of your scheming and attraction to children reached my office." Apollo: Sorry, Mr. Edgeworth. Looks like fic-you wasn't actually smart after all. Edgeworth: I'm so upset at that. Clearly. Quote: "Edgeworth... how does adopting a pedophile and marrying his best friend follow from that?" asked Phoenix. "They say keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. I did it to learn of their plan, and so I could stop them before they could carry it out. I only pretended to hate John Phoenix to sell the illusion, but unfortunately, Kumar started giving me amnesia pills in my tea. I got amnesia and forgot that I was only pretending to hate John Phoenix. Thankfully I figured out how he was drugging me." "I knew that," said John Phoenix. Phoenix: One, no you didn't. Two, what kind of plan is that? Trucy: A terrible one. Quote: Now John Phoenix and Edgeworth pointed their guns at Kumar and Emperor aimed his boomerang in an epic team up. "Now, to escort you to prison," said Edgeworth. Kumar chuckled. "Too bad you forgot one thing, Miles." "What's that?" "The third bailiff!" He stole the bailiff's gun and dragged Mia out of the gallery! He wrapped an arm around her neck and held the gun to her head. "Help" said Mia. Phoenix: That's quite the concern coming from fic-Mia. Edgeworth: And something tells me that John wouldn't care much about that. Quote: "Oh no! Mia!" cried Phoenix. John Phoenix and Edgeworth reluctantly dropped their guns. "I want..." Kumar began. "No, I DEMAND a police helicopter out of here. And I want it filled with underage girls. NOW!" He shook Mia and pressed the barrel harder against her temple. She winced. "Don't think I'll hesitate to kill her! Adult women mean nothing to me! I'm Kumar Timalsina, bitch!" All: ... Speakers: ...let's just move on. Quote: There didn't seem to be anything they could do. Kumar had the upper hand. But then John Phoenix got an idea. He borrowed Emperor's boomerang and threw it at Mia! When it came back it brought Mia with it, safe and sound. Apollo: Um...no. Trucy: That's a whole lotta no. Quote: "NO!" screamed Kumar, pressing up against the wall behind his desk, trying to aim his gun everywhere at once. Just then a gigantic hulking monster crashed trough the wall behind him! It was Nightwing! He had a prison guard in each hand and he was eating them. The steroids John Phoenix had forced him to take in prison had turned him into a mindless beast with only one desire, to kill the prosecutor who ruined his life! Phoenix: Wait, the pro wrestler client from the beginning? Edgeworth: Also, what the heck is this? Quote: "Stay back, you monster!" screamed Kumar. He fired his gun at Nightwing but it had no effect. Nightwing threw the guards away and did cool wrestling moves on Kumar Timalsina and pounded his scrawny pedophile body to death. Then he started eating his corpse. Apollo: Because THAT'S what this fic needed. MORE CANNIBALISM! Quote: "Good work, Nightwing," said John Phoenix. "I planned this." He fired a tranquilizer gun at him and Nightwing fell down. "Now back to prison where you belong." John Phoenix couldn't help but feel a little sorry. It wasn't really his fault Nightwing was like this. Society had made him this way. Winners don't do drugs. Phoenix: Um...shouldn't the prosecutor proving to be a forger warrant a retrial for him? Quote: "I find John Phoenix NOT GUILTY!" Everyone cheered and colorful construction paper fell from the ceiling. John Phoenix would not accept small pieces of confetti. All of John Phoenix's friends carried him on their shoulders to the defense lobby. "Thank you for saving me, John Phoenix," said Mia. She shuddered. "I'm glad that pedophiliac monster is finally gone." Apollo: And we're glad the fic is almost done. Quote: "It's too bad Apollo is dead," said Trucy. "If it had been you in that tank, you would have definitely lived! You are amazing!" "Nice work, kid," said Godot. "Great job, John Phoenix," said Maya. "You too, Nick!" "Thanks, Maya!" Phoenix: At least fic-me gets a little bit of acknowledgement. Trucy: That wasn't much. Quote: She and Phoenix were about to high five. John Phoenix screamed, "No, Uncle Phoenix, look out!" He quickly shouldered his uncle to the ground and knocked him out of harm's way. Then he used the bailiff's gun and emptied the entire magazine into Maya with perfect accuracy while strafing and taking cover behind random people. She lay face down. Her big toe twitched. "She's still alive! Get down!" cried John Phoenix from behind his smoking gun. Edgeworth roundhouse kicked women and children to the floor. "Leave this one to me." He pulled out his own gun he stole from the bailiff and did tactical somersaults around Maya, snapping off rounds until she was nothing more than a pile of blood on the floor. All: ... Edgeworth: Okay, fic. How is this supposed to be the best course of action? Quote: Phoenix stared down. An eyeball floated down a rivulet of blood ending at the tip of his shoe. "Why." Why? You see, John Phoenix had noticed she had a broken fingernail. Somehow, this meant she was evil. All: ... [Everyone proceeds to start banging their heads against the seats in front of them.] Quote: "You see, if she had been good, all her nails would have been broken, from chewing them in anxiety when I was in danger of a guilty verdict. But she didn't. Only one fingernail was broken, because she bit down on it in anger, because I didn't get a guilty verdict. She is a terrorist." "Amazing use of psychology, John Phoenix," said Edgeworth. "You are a genius." Edgeworth: That logic is so terrible I think we should just move on. Everyone else: Agreed. Quote: "Even I have to admit it," said Emperor. "But... did you have to kill her for that?" asked Phoenix. "She had poison on her hands, Uncle Phoenix, that would have killed you instantly if she touched you. She was working for Manfred von Karma all along. That's why she invited them to the party, so they could use the Big Magatama and channel John Dragon. She was evil all along. Both Mayas are evil. There was never a Good Maya, except perhaps in your easily fooled mind." Phoenix cried a single tear. "Oh, well, good eye then, John Phoenix." Phoenix: Way to retcon this crap! Quote: "No. Good eyes. I used both eyes. Both of my eyes deserve equal respect and recognition." "You're right. Thank you, John Phoenix's eyes, for both of you." Apollo: This was entirely necessary. Quote: Just then Manfred von Karma's brain ran by underfoot and tripped people up. "So long, fools! I shall return some day! Ha ha ha!" He managed to escape through a mouse hole somehow. John Phoenix stared at the hole. Life was really so hard sometimes. I'm not sure what I should put here or what was going through his head, but it was probably poignant and related to all the stuff he had done in his life, and all the stuff he had yet to do. Edgeworth laid a hand on his shoulder. Edgeworth: This was just lazy, even for this author's standards. Phoenix: I just want this to end. Quote: shoulder. "Don't worry, John Phoenix, we'll get him some day. Also... my mother has a surprise..." Morgan le Fey walked in leading the other terrorist friends by chains. "Morgan?" gasped Merlin. "What are you doing here?" "I am good now." She waved her hand and Larry and Apollo came back to life. "Your friends came back to life." Apollo: Oh come on! I thought I was free from my dignity being shattered by this story! Phoenix: We're never free from this story. Quote: "Wow! Great news!" said Uncle Phoenix. John Phoenix shook Larry's hand. It was the least he could for a man who had accidentally sacrificed his life for Apollo Justice instead of John Phoenix. Just then a bullet crashed through the window. It was John Phoenix's mother's soul bullet! She was alive after all. "John Phoenix's mom?" gasped Trucy. "Is that really her?" "Yes, it is," said John Phoenix. "She found her way home from the rubble of Khurain City." Apollo: Oh good. Because we really needed that. Trucy: Also, can we really call her alive if her soul is trapped in a bullet? Quote: "Heh... that Kumar fucker is finally dead, John Phoenix won, and my sister's back," said Larry. "Now we can all relax, huh?" "No..." said John Phoenix, clenching his mother in his fist. She was very agitated. "Manfred von Karma is still out there. And so is the true mastermind..." Larry, Phoenix, and Edgeworth shared a confused look. Edgeworth: Wait...what is this story talking about? Quote: Meanwhile... In an ancient dungeon under the governor's castle, Storm Sente and Argus Hakan spoke to a mysterious robed man. "Professor Layton," asked Argus, "is it true you have an evil brother named Prosecutor Layton? And that he's Kumar Timalsina's real father and an old associate of Charlie Lawrence?" Phoenix: ...excuse me? Prosecutor Layton? Charlie Lawrence? What is this supposed to be? Apollo: No idea. Quote: "Yes." Carlos Flavioli and Acro emerged from a dark crevice, riding in their wheelchairs, which were actually guns. "Storm, it's exactly as you thought," said Flavoli. "The vultures Phoenix Wright saw in the heavenly hall were circling the floor because there was a dying person under the floorboards." Acro glared. "We have finally located the real Principal Buddy Johnson." Edgeworth: ...what? The real Buddy Johnson? Apollo: Is this building up to something? Quote: Storm put his hands in his pockets and stared at a torch on the wall, the fire reflecting off his glasses. "All the pieces of the puzzle are finally falling into place," he said. "The real truth behind the FemCon incident... behind the Morix law offices... behind Dylan Fitchar's disappearance... and behind John Phoenix's birth." The End (Yes, this is really the last chapter. There are no more epilogues or prologues.) Apollo: Wait...are they saying we're gonna get more of this? Trucy: I think so. Apollo: NOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY DO WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS SOME MORE?! [The lights turn on.] All: defeated because they have to do another story in the future Phoenix: Well...might as well give our thoughts. Trucy: I'll start. This story is probably worse than the first one! I mean, the writing is as terrible as ever, John's a terrible character and the plot makes no sense! Phoenix: In addition, this fic does one of the biggest no-no's in story-telling: directly going after other people's work and disparaging it. Not only does this author claim three of another author's OCs as their own, but they purposefully distort them to fit their feud with that author. Edgeworth: And beyond that, there's plenty of twists that don't make sense and have no foreshadowing at all to build them up. If you want to have twists, fine. But give the readers some foreshadowing. Give clues that this could be real. Apollo: And worst of all, this series looks as if it'll continue! Why?! Why do we need this to continue?! Phoenix: Because we haven't suffered enough, it seems. Edgeworth: We never suffer enough for this theater, it seems. Speakers: You've got that right. Now get outta here. [And so the sporkers leave the theater and try their best to get what they saw out of their minds. Will this godawful series continue? Will it get any better? I doubt that one but one can still hope. Stay tuned...]

Author:	Skittlemask [ Tue Oct 13, 2020 1:17 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
I've been working on this for a really long time, back when the last sporking was posted in 2019 and no sporkings for months. I know DJJ68o has posted some sporkings since then, but I admit I'm too lazy to change the intro, so apologies for that. Regardless, it's still been awhile since this thread has been updated, and an even longer time since I did a sporking, but I miss this thread and sporking in general. So, I'm back. And if I'm the only who will use this thread from now on then so be it. I miss the days when I could just spork some Ace Attorney fanfictions, lol. Title- Twelve Charms: Chapters 4 and 5 Rating- Once again, I'm back to this fic. I want to spork the whole thing. Like I said when I sporked chapter three, I don't think it's that bad, in fact I sort of like it. It's obvious the author was just having some harmless fun writing this thing. Anyway, here's the link for my sporking of chapter 3 and Ben Lyon's sporking of chapter 1 and chapter 2. It's been a while so sorry if I'm rusty! Welcome aboard our sporkers! *Hobo Phoenix!* "Haha, ready to read more bad fanfics, everybody?" *Apollo Justice!"* "I don't see anything to be laughing at, Mr. Wright…" and *Trucy Wright* "Ehehe… I agree with Polly, Daddy. I thought this place had finally closed down…" [We begin in our underused but beloved sporking theatre. Don't let the management know that I've told you, but we almost got foreclosed! Luckily-] Speakers: Hey, narrator? Shut up. [Sorry…] Trucy: Um, management? Where have you guys been? We really all thought this place had shut down for good. Speakers: …Y'know, I really want to be cocky and be like "mwahaha, you can never escape this place!" but I can see why you all might've thought that. To be honest, I'm currently the only one of management who's here right now and decided to open the place. It's just me and the narrator right now, but I'm certain old members will return or new one's will join. And if not… then you guys are stuck with me because I'm not going anywhere! Trucy: Wow, you sound kind of lonely… Speakers: …Don't read too much into it. Anyway, since it's just me and I'm poor, don't expect any popcorn. I did all I could to clean the place and fix everything we need for the bare minimum sporking experience. So, enjoy! The theatre is happy to see guests once again! Trucy: Hmm, it sounds like the management is being nice for once! Apollo: If they're so nice, do you think they'd let us go home? Phoenix: Come now, Apollo, let's not be like that. The management clearly made an effort so let's entertain them for once, eh? Apollo: Do you remember what they've put us through? Trucy: I agree with Daddy, actually. Let's be cooperative just this once! Besides, how bad can it be? Apollo: Oh, very bad. But fine, I'll play along but don't be surprised when I say I told you so. Trucy: I don't think you will! Do you remember what we're reading? It's that self-insert fic that isn't very good, but not "ahh, erase my memory!" bad. Speakers: Speaking of that, let's roll the fic! This intro is getting too long. Quote: Chapter 4 Field Trippin' Apollo: What kind of title is that? Trucy: She's trying to be hip! Apollo: Sounds more like some old person trying too hard to be cool. Honestly, this title makes me think of… some illegal drugs. Phoenix: Hmm, that'd actually make this fic interesting… Trucy: gasp Daddy, don't say that! Phoenix: Heh, sorry Truce, but it's true. Quote: Hey Micki, check this out!" Trucy exclaimed. I had been skimming over about twenty pamphlets trying to find something about a gate. NOTHING! "Micki, stop reading those, it's a field trip!" Trucy smacked the last pamphlet out of my hand. "Sorry," I apologized. "I really just want to figure out this puzzle-riddle thing." Apollo: So… what is going on again? It's been two years since Trucy and I had read this story. Please refresh our memories, Mr. Wright. Phoenix: Well- Trucy: Oooh, oooh, I remember! …Kind of. In the last chapter we were going on a field trip so fic-me could find a charm for Micki's bracelet, and we played with an old Gameboy on the subway! Phoenix: Very good, Trucy! I'm very proud of you for remembering. I'll give you some pudding when we get home. Trucy: Yay! Apollo: (…I almost miss seeing Mr. Wright and Trucy interact like this.) Quote: "Hey, I'm the key to the next puzzle! I'll know when we've found the charm!" she went on. "Now let's enjoy the field trip!" Apollo: …That's not very good logic. Phoenix: shrugs Seems reasonable enough to me. Apollo: Seriously? What, when you were a lawyer did you just go to random places hoping to find clues? Phoenix: …Heh, what do you take me for, Apollo? Trucy: Polly, don't be so mean to daddy. You do the same thing. Apollo: …! I-I guess, but at least I don't think I'll find clues just because. Quote: We had ditched a lecture from Ms. Roberts (dear lord) by saying we had to use the bathroom. Not that it was a lie; I really did have to use the restroom. But we walked to the ladies' room until we turned the hallway and were out of Phoenix and Apollo's sight. Trucy: So… then we didn't actually go to the bathroom if we just walked there but never went in. If Micki said she wasn't lying that she had to use the restroom, why didn't she just go when we were there? Phoenix: You know how these fics are Truce, that'd make too much sense. Trucy: Yeah, but the author doesn't seem incompetent… Apollo: I'm just going to theorize that she was too bored to pay attention to what she was writing. Quote: Then we ran straight there. The bathroom was all the way across the museum, so we decided to follow the exhibits near the bathroom. Trucy: So… we went to a different bathroom? Why? Apollo: Trucy, it's honestly not worth this much effort to think about. Let's just drop it. Phoenix: I don't know Apollo, I like Trucy's effort. You should take some tips from her. Apollo: H-Hey! Are you saying that I don't try hard enough? Phoenix: smiles Of course not. Apollo: …Hmph. Quote: "So boring..." I groaned. I thought this would be more exciting. "Don't they have an exhibit on astronomy or the zodiac?" "Agreed. I think astronomy is on the third floor, wanna head up?" suggested Trucy. "Dear lord, please!" Apollo: I'm actually really good at astronomy, so if you guys wanted to learn some more about it you could always ask me… Trucy: Aw, Polly! If I knew you wanted to sound like an expert in something I would've asked! Apollo: What? No! That's not what I meant. It's just something I used to do with Clay a lot… Trucy: O-Oh. Well, I know it's not the same but if you'd like we can go to an astronomy exhibit together sometime. Apollo: nods That'd be nice. Thank you, Trucy. Quote: Trucy and I ran for the elevator, and then I bumped into something red. Trucy and I bumped into Poliwag (Okay, I like Pokémon, deal with it) and Phobos. Apollo: P-Poliwag? Phoenix: Phobos…? Trucy: Hahaha, that's actually kind of funny! Speakers: Agreed. If I could afford to have Discord play management right now, he would turn you two into the Pokemon characters, that'd be a treat. Hahaha! Apollo: Yeah guys, laugh it up. I, for one, am glad that the management is too poor. Phoenix: Also, I think Apollo would be a better Victini. His hair matches Victini's ears. Trucy: Good one, daddy! Hahaha! Apollo: … Quote: I looked over at Trucy. We're so freaking dead. "I-Is the lecture over?" questioned Trucy carefully. "Nah, but we noticed you two left a little fast so we had a little investigation," responded Phoenix. Crap. Phoenix: Oh yeah, I can't wait for fic-me to yell at Micki and Trucy, maybe we'll finally get some entertainment. Trucy: Aw, but Daddy… Apollo: I don't know, I don't really think fic-you is going to yell at them. And if he does, then that means he's out of character, since you're not really much on, uh, disciplining. Phoenix: I don't really need to discipline because Trucy is a good girl. I'm so lucky to have such a well-behaved daughter, haha. Trucy: Aww, thanks Daddy. You're the best! Apollo: … Quote: "Why are you giving us that look?" asked Apollo. "It's not like you're in trouble." "Say what?" I was shocked. "You gave us an excuse to leave. Dammit, no wonder I always get notes from your teacher about you two passing notes," said Phoenix. "I nearly passed out when only two minutes passed." "What else is new?" Apollo whispered. Trucy: Wow, if that teacher is that boring than she should've never been hired! Apollo: Trucy, they can't fire teachers just because they're boring. Phoenix: That's not what she meant. She means that if she's that boring then whoever interviewed her for the job shouldn't have been able to stay awake long enough to hire her. Trucy: Mmhm! Hehe, great minds think alike! Apollo: So what, my mind's not great? Trucy: No, it is! It's just, ummm…. averagely great! Apollo: Gee, thanks. Quote: Phoenix smacked him over the head with a plastic grape juice bottle. "What the hell?" yelled Apollo. "I'm giving you the same discipline Mia gave me," answered Phoenix. "At least I didn't always look at her chest, pervert!" "I didn't look at her chest! I've seen you drool a little when you see pictures of her!" "I don't drool!" Trucy and I watched for awhile. Then it got boring. Phoenix: Ah, of course. We can't read a fic here without one of those "pfftt, men," segments in it. How I love these segments. Apollo: I know, so entertaining and original, am I right? Trucy: Yep. Oh well, at least it's still better than the last chapter with the Gameboy. Quote: "Hey! Break it up! Do not make me press the run button!" I shouted while pulling out my gameboy camera. Phoenix and Apollo clamped their mouths shut. Apollo: Imagine if that's all it took to shut us up? Hahaha. Phoenix: Hahaha! Trucy: I don't know… But with you two, it seems a little realistic. Phoenix: Come now Trucy, you think too little of us. Besides, didn't we already settle this debate in the last sporking? Trucy: Hmmm… maybe? I don't remember it too well. But hey, maybe I'll buy one of those off of eBay and test it out! Anybody want to lend me some money? Apollo: Don't look at me. Phoenix: Haha, sorry Trucy, but it's a no. Trucy: …Management? Speakers: Hell no. Didn't I already say I was broke? Trucy: Awwww… [The gang go to the third floor for whatever reason and the scene ends.] Quote: After my school was kicked out of the museum, my teachers said that we can go explore the city and return back to the subway in three hours. Phoenix: Kicked out? What the heck did we do in the museum? And why is the teacher just letting the kids roam free in the city? That sounds very dangerous. Apollo: …Mr. Wright, kicked out is just used as an expression here. Trucy: Y'know, I really hate when people do that. If you say you were kicked out then I expect a fun story with police dragging you out of the place! Same with people saying they "passed out." If you say that then I expect a dramatic story about waking up in the hospital with people crying over you, not that you just fell asleep. It's so boring! Apollo: Uhhh, since when is being arrested or going to the hospital fun? Trucy: It's not, but the story is fun! Apollo: …I worry about you sometimes, Trucy. Quote: Gate... gate... Argh! Why can't I think of anything? "Alright, so what's this gate business?" asked Phoenix. "You've been thinking about that all day." "I told you to stop doing that!" I yelled. "It doesn't take an idiot to realize that," said Apollo. Apollo: Well, at least the author doesn't think we're all idiots like most of these fanfics do. Phoenix: I don't know, I think they're portraying me in particular as kind of dumb. Apollo: How so? The author literally made you a mind-reader! Phoenix: shrugs Maybe not exactly dumb but more like incompetent. I don't like how the author is portraying my parenting as too lax, or making me too gullible. Apollo: … (But… you do have those traits…) Trucy: Don't worry, I know you're a smart guy, Daddy! Phoenix: Haha, thanks Trucy. Quote: I sighed. "Hey Trucy, are there any other names for a gate?" "Not that I know of," she told me. "Do you guys know any?" I questioned them. "I think they can also be called yett or port," Apollo replied. Phoenix: Although, fic-you in particular, Apollo, is quite smart. I think the author has a crush! After all, I never knew a gate could be called a "yett!" Apollo: turning red H-Hey, this underage author doesn't have a crush, she just has a favorite character! You wouldn't know how that feels! Phoenix: Woah, 'Pollo, you're getting defensive there. Hahaha, I was just kidding. Trucy: But look how cute Apollo is when he's blushing! Apollo: Sh-Shut up… Quote: Trucy and I stopped in our tracks. A port? "Something wrong?" asked Phoenix. "You thinking what I'm thinking?" Trucy said facing me. "Port of LA?" I inquired. "Yep." Trucy and I ran off to the harbor. We weaved through the crowds and through the streets. I began to smell the fresh, salty scent of the ocean breeze. Trucy: Y'know, the author doesn't really do much descriptive narrative. So… when they do write some it just ends up sticking out like a sore thumb… Phoenix: Also, I don't know if it's just me, but I've never smelt the ocean breeze as "salty." Quote: We stopped running at the entrance to the warehouses when we realized that Phoenix and Apollo were having trouble keeping up. When they finally caught up, Phoenix was panting hard and Apollo was laying on the ground. "How.. do... you... run... so... fast...?" Phoenix asked through pants. "I take track and cross-country year-round," I answered. "What... about... Trucy...?" Apollo gasped, sounding like he had less air than Phoenix. "I go on her runs," Trucy said. Phoenix: Y'know Author, the fact that you said that Apollo was laying on the ground would logically mean that he was more out of breath than me; repeating it just made it redundant. Also, I'm not gonna lie, Apollo would probably be in better condition than me. He is younger after all, and I've never been the most in-shape guy… Apollo: I think the part of me lying on the ground was supposed to be comical… I see that even the author likes to tease me… Trucy: Aw, that just means she likes you! Maybe even like likes you… Apollo: N-NO! We already had this conversation! Moving on! Quote: After waiting until Phobos and Poliwag caught their breaths, we ventured down to the warehouses. Apollo: So how long are these Pokémon jokes going to last? Phoenix: Possibly the whole fic. Apollo: …Yay. Quote: "Hello?" We turned around a saw a man in a dark suit approach. I examined his face so I wouldn't forget: faint scar over left cheek, dark eyes, nicely combed hair, glasses. Who the hell is this? Phoenix: An evil OC. Trucy: How can you already tell that he's evil? Phoenix: Just by the fact that the author even bothered to describe him. Plus, he has a scar and nice hair. All villains have scars and nice hair. Matt Engarde, Kristoph… Trucy: Wow, you're so smart, Daddy! Apollo: …But that just means the author is being unoriginal. Phoenix: Nah-ah, it means that they're staying true to the style of the games. Speakers: The management would like to remind Phoenix Wright that… ah, you know what? Forget it. Just for today I won't care. Consider it a present. Trucy: Wow, I guess the management becoming poor made them apathetic too! Apollo: Sounds relatable. Quote: "I'll handle this." Phoenix whispered. "Hey." greeted Phoenix without a smile. "May I ask what your business is?" the man asked. "What's yours?" "Ahem, I am James Smith, the real estate agent for these warehouses. What is your business?" Phoenix: Smith? Seriously? Might as well have just named him John Doe and have him be Shelly de Killer walking around. He fits the scar and nice hair theory after all. Trucy: Hmm… maybe it's de Killer's brother who also lacks the talent of coming up with original names? Phoenix: You know what? I like that theory, Trucy. I'm going to headcannon it as fact in this fic. Apollo: Mr. Wright, you know a term such as "headcannon?" Phoenix: Well, fans of the series like to make up headcannons about us all the time… So it would be silly pretending that I don't know it. Speakers: … Phoenix: smiles Apollo: (He's planning on taking full advantage of the management's "present," isn't he?) Quote: "My dad works here!" Apollo quickly exclaimed before Phoenix could come up with something. "It's my day off and I came to visit him!" "Oh, do you need a guide?" "We're good! My dad's warehouse is pretty vacant, it'll be easy to spot!" "Uh... alright then'" James seemed to get suspicious, but he turned and walked away. Phoenix: Not for long. We'll probably see him later with a gun. Trucy: Ooooh, yay! Then some action might actually happen! Apollo: …I'm sporking with a bunch of sadists. This is actually happening. I can't believe you guys are actually having fun. Trucy: cheeky grin Learn to embrace the pain, Polly! Apollo: … (I'm scared.) Quote: We waited until the man was far enough away. We turned and continued to the warehouses. "Wow Polly, I didn't know you were such a good liar!" complimented Trucy. "That's because I'm not," Apollo admitted. "Didn't you see how loud I was?" "He was a little suspicious when he walked away," Phoenix pointed out. Apollo: Huh, something in character. I have to admit I'm not the best liar in the world… Trucy: That's an understatement! You're as easy to read as a first grade book! Apollo: Hey… I'm not that easy to read! …Am I? Phoenix: Well, it's usually pretty easy to tell what you're thinking but there are occasional times when I'm surprised to not be able to tell what you're thinking. Apollo: …Good to know. Quote: I noticed after a little while of walking, Trucy had taken the lead. "You know where you're going, right Truce?" I questioned. "I think I do," she replied. We continued on like this until we reached an abandoned looking warehouse. Apollo: I have a bad feeling about this… Quote: "So, the next charm is here, Trucy?" Phoenix inquired. "I guess," she answered. Phoenix tried to open the doors, but there was a lock the them. "Dammit." "Relax, daddy," Trucy said, pulling out a hairpin. "I got this. Gimme thirty seconds." Trucy: gasp W-WHAAT?!? ME!? Apollo: Geez, calm down Trucy. It's actually pretty cool to know how to pick locks! Trucy: Yeah, but I would do it with magic! I wouldn't need any bobby pins like some thief! I've got more class than that! ???: Did someone say thief? [Everyone looks up. Kay is hanging from a rope ladder in the ceiling. Hey, long time no see, Kay!] Phoenix: Kay! I haven't seen you enter the theatre like this in… a very, very long time! Apollo: Yeah, I thought the management figured out a way around that? Kay: Mwahahaha, I have my ways! Besides, this place has been empty for months, so no one's even been around to see what I was doing! And Trucy, you should know better! A thief is very classy! Trucy: pouts Apollo: (I think the author managed to offend Trucy…) Kay: Well anyway, I've got things to do, truth to steal. See ya later! smoke bombs away Phoenix: Huh, it was nice to see her, actually. Apollo: shouts Wait, come back! Take me with you! [Silence] Apollo: Dammit. Quote: She knelt down and stuck a pin into the lock. Not even thirty second later, I heard a click and the sound of metal dropping heavily onto the ground. Holy crap! "Done." "Trucy, when did you learn to pick a lock like that?" asked Apollo. "Oh, the last time Daddy visited Mr. Edgeworth a few years ago, his assistant Kay taught me how." Phoenix: Ah, good ol' Kay being a bad influence as always. I should probably talk to Edgeworth about that. Apollo: But you've got to admit it's a useful ability. Phoenix: Useful, yes. But I don't want Trucy involved in criminal activity like that. Apollo: looks at Trucy still pouting Trust me, I don't think you need to worry about that. Quote: "Remind me not to take you there when Kay comes," Phoenix said under his breath. I noticed there was some pain in his eyes when Trucy said "Edgeworth". Phoenix: Ah, of course. The good ol' "Phoenix stopped talking to his old friends after he was disbarred" headcannon. That's a good one. Apollo: It was probably used to write some angst fanfics, right? Phoenix: Of course. Everyone just loves some character tension fueled by angst, after all. Quote: "That's quite enough." I turned and saw James pointing a gun straight at us. Trucy: Wow, you were right on the money, daddy. Apollo: (Looks like she gained some of her spirit back…) Phoenix: Well, I have to admit that I'm not that great of a predictor, haha. The person writing this sporking already knew- Speakers: WOAH, stop right there! I'm cool with some fourth wall breaking but I'm drawing the line at meta like this! Only some minor fourth wall breaking is allowed, OK? Phoenix: shrugs It was worth a shot. [The lights turns on, illuminating the haphazardly cleaned theatre.] Phoenix: stretches Well, glad that's over. Now let's- Speakers: Not so fast, today's session is a double feature. I'm just giving ya'll a moment to stretch your legs. Apollo: Gee, thanks. Speakers: No problem! Trucy: Hmmm, management? Did you notice how dusty this place is? Speakers: Yes, we don't have a Janitor anymore. I cleaned the best I could this morning, I'll do a more deep cleaning later. Now if you would all return to your seats- Trucy: Have no fear, management! Polly will clean for you! Apollo: sputter Wh-Wh-WHATTT? Like I would ever help this theatre run this… this business! Trucy: Polly, you forget that I'm the head of Wright Anything Agency! So when I give you a job, you do it! Phoenix: shrugs Hey, she's the boss. Apollo: grumbles Speakers: Well, thank you for the help! Now let's roll the fic! Spoiler: Chapter 5 Quote: Chapter 5 Gunpoint Apollo: Oooh, I'm on the edge of my seat. rolls eyes Trucy: Me too! What do you think's going to happen, daddy? Phoenix: Heh, I don't know, Trucy. Let's just keep reading to find out. Apollo: Sigh… Quote: "It's over'" James said. "Give me the bracelet and go in peace." "Hey! No one threatens my daughter without dealing with me first!" Phoenix screamed, getting all riled up. Phoenix ran up and punched James in the face. Phoenix: Woah, way to go, fic-me! Usually that's Apollo's trademark. Apollo: Hey, that was literally only twice out of all this time that you've known me! It's not my "trademark!" Trucy: Hmmm, but it's kind of a cool trademark? After all, if you're willing to just go up to strangers and punch them in the face, then you must be pretty fearless! Apollo: F-Fearless? Hmmm, I actually like the sound of that… Trucy: …Until I remember how pale you get when you think about heights, hehe. Apollo: …Way to ruin my coolness, Trucy. Quote: James, not expecting this, fires the gun, but missed. Phoenix tackles James to the ground. "Daddy!" screeched Trucy. Apollo turned and pushed Trucy and I into the warehouse. I heard him stick a board into the handles of the door on the outside. "Apollo!" I yelled as I banged on the door to get out. "What the hell are you doing?" "Let us out, Polly!" Trucy shouted. "It's for your own good! Obviously the charm is important so you guys have to get it!" Apollo argued. Phoenix: I'm not too sure about that. I don't think some silly bracelet is really worth risking out lives over. Apollo: Agreed. Trucy: Also fic-Polly is kind of dumb here. What if something bad happens to him and daddy? How are Micki and I going to get out of the warehouse if there's no one to remove the wooden plank from the doors? Apollo: Yeah, that was really dumb of fic-me. Quote: "Don't be ridiculous, it's just a charm!" Trucy shot back. Everyone: Agreed. Quote: "I'm not going to argue about this! I'm going to go help Mr. Wright!" Apollo retorted. "Just get that charm!" I heard Apollo's heavy footsteps as he ran away. "POLLY! APOLLO! LET US OUT!" Trucy hollered. I sighed. "Trucy, calm down. Just take a deep breath and relax." "I can't! Daddy and Polly are out there and they could be dead!" Phoenix: I mean, we're probably not dead yet, Apollo just locked the door a second ago. I'm pretty sure we're smart enough to hold our own for at least a few minutes. Apollo: Yeah, but fic-Trucy is the only character so far who has some sense here. Mr. Wright and I are just being reckless over some dumb bracelet for some girl we barely even know. Quote: "Trucy, they're trying to protect us. I'm sure they'll be fine. Do you need a hug?" Trucy grabbed onto me and gripped me tightly. Damn, I hope what I said is true. They better not be dead. Trucy sighed. "Let's do this." Phoenix: Wow, apparently Micki is really good at comforting people, because after just one hug Trucy seems to forget that we could be dead. Apollo: Yeah, Trucy, I thought you cared. Trucy: Aww, but I do! See, fic-me is just trusting you guys to take down James! Apollo: …Well, that's actually in your character… Trucy: See! You guys should trust me, too! Quote: We took a look around. Inside fishing boats, inside crates and barrels, hanging off of hooks and lures. Oh, where the hell is it? "Hey, what's that up there?" Trucy questioned. I squinted at a little brown and white thing hanging from the ceiling, but I couldn't tell what it was. "I can't see it, it's to high up," I said. Trucy jumped onto a crate, climbing onto bigger storage boxes. She peered at the item. "It's a rabbit charm with a piece of paper!" she shouted to me. "I think I can reach it!" Apollo: Oh good, let's see if this rabbit was really worth all the trouble. Phoenix: I really don't think so, Apollo… Quote: I saw her slowly try to grab the charm. She reached for the charm, but each time she failed to even grip the rabbit. As she neared the edge, I became more and more worried. "Oh god, please be okay." Trucy got as close to the edge as possible. I extended her arm out towards the rabbit. Trucy: Wait, why did Micki extend my arm for me? Couldn't I do it myself? Phoenix: Hahaha, you know how these fics are, Trucy. The perfect character insert has to do everything, even things the other characters are supposed to do! Trucy: Aw, but that's no fun! Quote: The her hands surrounded the little charm and paper. She pulled on the item, but she lost her balance. She fell headfirst onto a crate about twelve feet from where she was standing. "Trucy!" I shouted as I rapidly climbed the boxes. "Are you okay?" "Yo!" she shouted back. "I'm fine! I got the charm!" I reached her. Trucy was sitting up with a smile on her face. The charm hung from her grip. "Let's put this thing on!" she exclaimed. Apollo: Just like last time, I find it so funny how in these bad situations, everyone is more worried about new fashion accessories. Trucy: I mean, we did go through all this trouble for it. We might as well admire it when we have the chance, I guess. Quote: I held out my wrist and she clipped the charm to my bracelet. A bright green light flashed from my bracelet. "Did you hear something?" asked Trucy. I shook my head. I guess she's experiencing what happened to me. Trucy shrugged her shoulders. "Let's get outta here." Apollo: I'm curious to see how you guys are going to do that, since idiot fic-me blocked the door from the outside. Now that I think about it, that's even more idiotic than I first thought. If James wanted to get to you, all he has to do is remove the wood I put there. Trucy: pats Apollo on the back There there, Polly, I know you were just panicked and did the first thing you thought would help. It's not your fault that fic-you's first thought was something dumb. Apollo: Not really changing my opinion there, Trucy… Quote: We climbed down the mountain of crates and ran to the door. Then I remembered that Apollo stopped the door. Crap. "Polly! Daddy! We got the charm, let us out!" Trucy yelled as she banged on the door. "Somebody let us out!" I screamed. We waited, for about seven minutes. No one answered. Phoenix: So what were Trucy and Micki doing for those seven minutes? Just sitting there and staring at the door, doing nothing but breathing? Apollo: …That's a weird question, Mr. Wright. Phoenix: shrugs I can't help but think about that every time I read about something similar. Seven minutes is a long time, after all. Quote: "Hey, a saw!" said Trucy as she ran for the tool. Trucy: Wow, look at the power of this convenient saw lying right there! If that wasn't there, Micki and I would be trapped in there until the end of time! Isn't that just amazing!? Apollo: That reminds me of this game I played once that had a self-aware running gag where when the main character was in bad situations, he would randomly yell "Just what I need!" and run over to a box labeled "just what you need." Trucy: Hahaha, I like that! At least they were smart enough to make it self aware. Can we have that in our games? Phoenix: Hahaha, that's nice, but I don't think so. Trucy: Aww… [Micki and Trucy manage to saw the wood in half through the crack between the doors.] Quote: We pushed on the door. We were met by a horrifying sight. Blood was all over the ground. Puddles of it were everywhere. Oh my god... "Daddy!" Trucy shrieked. Phoenix: P-Puddles? Everywhere? Well that's it, we're dead. Apollo: Aw, couldn't we at least die in a cooler way? Trucy: Hmm, well if there actually were big puddles, then you guys should be dead. But I bet you two are going to live with nothing more than a few scratches! Apollo: …You're probably right. Quote: I saw Phoenix laying on his stomach. His beanie had fallen off and landed on the ground. Trucy and I ran up to him and turned him over. There was a wound in his stomach and a large gash in his left shoulder with blood gushing out. His face and skin were pale like a vampire's. I looked up and saw Apollo unconscious on his back. I ran up to him. There was a knife in his thigh and a gun wound in his right shoulder. Both had blood flowing out of it. I looked around. James was nowhere to be seen. "I called 911,'" Trucy said. "They'll be here soon. Hickfield isn't too far away." Trucy: Hey, that's right! If James really wanted the charm, why didn't he come after me and Micki after dealing with you guys? Apollo: Meh, plot convenience. In any case, do you canonically have a cell phone, Trucy? Trucy: Hmmm, I don't know. Why wouldn't I? Apollo: Well, the games seem to like to push the fact that Mr. Wright is always broke… and he still has a Nokia cellphone from like, 2003. Phoenix: …I'm pretty sure the Nokia phone is just a running gag at this point, hahaha. Quote: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx We sat quietly without a word in the waiting room. It's the kind of silence that you want to talk but you're too shocked to. I looked at Trucy. She was gripping her father's beanie so tightly she looked liked she would rip it apart. Phoenix: Hey, thanks for caring, Trucy. Trucy: Of course! You can rely on me, Daddy! Quote: Phoenix and Apollo had required emergency surgery. They've been in for a couple hours. It feels like forever since we were in the warehouse. Then I heard the song "Guilty Love" go off. It was Trucy's phone. "It's Mr. Gavin. I'll let it ring," she said. Trucy: I wonder why Prosecutor Gavin is calling me? Apollo: Watch him be the next person who needs to find a charm. Trucy: But what about you? Phoenix: Since the author seems to be pushing Apollo as the love interest, he'll probably be saved for last. Apollo: grumble I don't want to be the love interest… [The nurse appears, and after saying that Phoenix and Apollo will make a full recovery, she allows Micki and Trucy to visit.] Quote: The nurse reached the door at the end of the hall. She opened it. Phoenix and Apollo were still passed out in their beds. They each had bags full of blood flowing into their arm. "They'll be asleep for a few hours," the nurse told us. "I'll leave you two alone. When they wake up, just give them the painkillers the doctor left." Phoenix: What? Why is the nurse entrusting two strangers to do her job for her? That sounds like some sort of violation. Apollo: Hmm, want to sue? Phoenix: No thanks, I've never dealt with a civil case like that. Apollo: …Right. Just wait until you meet Paul Atishon… Phoenix: …Who? That sounds like a dumb name. Apollo: Tell me about it. Quote: The nurse shut the door and left us alone. Trucy walked over to her father. Holy shit, is his hair natural? They can't be, it's too spiky! Phoenix: Ah yes, hair jokes. But to answer the question, runs hand over hair my hair is completely natural. No hair gel here! Trucy: Unlike Polly, right? Hahaha! Apollo: … Quote: I saw Trucy pick up her father's head and stuck his beanie over his hair. She stood by her father, gripping his hand. I walked over to Apollo. He was still wearing that weird bracelet. How the hell do you take that off? Apollo: Just like any other bracelet. Trucy: …But doesn't it respond to your body heat and tighten up so it will always fit snug? Apollo: …What? You have some really strange ideas, Trucy. Speakers: Actually, I was always under the same impression. How else would it let you know to use your perceive ability? Apollo: Really? Well in that case, I guess it expands when it feels the heat while I push it through my hand? I don't know, I've never really thought about it. I just take it off. Quote: I sat next to his bed and watched his chest rise and fall. These two idiots gave me such as scare, but Apollo had gone into shock from blood loss. Apparently the bullet hit an artery and he lost a lot of blood. Phoenix got lucky. He was shot near his stomach, but the bullet didn't do much damage. Though he lost blood from the wound in his shoulder. I wish none of this ever happened. I wish I could turn back the clock. Phoenix: Well, I can! Once this is over we'll use the teleporter and I'll go back to my time. [The lights turn on.] Phoenix: Well, I guess it really is over. Are we going to read another chapter? Speakers: Not right now, I'm tired. Another day we will continue this fic. Now, everyone go home! Apollo: Wow, you're really eager for us to leave. Trucy: You are too, Polly. You always hate coming here. Apollo: Yeah, you're right. [Apollo and Trucy wave goodbye to Phoenix as the blue light from the teleporter begins to encase him. And thus ends another sporking adventure. Hope to see you all next time!]

Author:	Chloe [ Tue Nov 03, 2020 10:14 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
I’m still very fond of this thread and sporks. I love how it has 69 pages.

Author:	Nepeta [ Thu Dec 03, 2020 11:36 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Hah, the bad fics sporked in these are really making me feel better about the crazy prompt I'm writing something for (it has something to do with Engarde). Some nostalgia of 2016 isn't complete without reading these.

Author:	Emerald Objects [ Mon Mar 29, 2021 3:38 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
This post has been deleted. Deleted is this post. There is no more evidence of my misdeeds!

Author:	Emerald Objects [ Mon Mar 29, 2021 3:40 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Also, any SOJ fics to spork? We haven't really seen any here.

Author:	mujie [ Fri Apr 30, 2021 2:23 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
I'd love to try my hand at sporking. Are there any good bad AA fanfics unsporked yet?

Author:	Emerald Objects [ Sat May 01, 2021 2:06 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
mujie wrote: I'd love to try my hand at sporking. Are there any good bad AA fanfics unsporked yet? this.

Author:	mujie [ Wed May 12, 2021 9:09 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Emerald Objects wrote: mujie wrote: I'd love to try my hand at sporking. Are there any good bad AA fanfics unsporked yet? this. Thanks. Imma try sporking that on the weekend or something. Should be fun.

Author:	FeenieForSmash [ Sat Jul 10, 2021 5:03 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Is the Sporking Theatre closed for good? If so, it's a crying shame because this whole thread was such a treat to read.

Author:	DisasterInPlainSight [ Thu Oct 28, 2021 12:50 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
FeenieForSmash wrote: Is the Sporking Theatre closed for good? If so, it's a crying shame because this whole thread was such a treat to read. I think it's just inactive, that's all. I didn't want this thread to be over so fast either, so I sporked a fanfic! Sorry if I'm beating a dead horse here. I'm pretty new here, but here goes nothing... WARNING: This is pretty NSFW, so it's off the site. So mods, please don't kill me... A secret told (I hope it's the right URL.)

Author:	DisasterInPlainSight [ Sat Dec 25, 2021 9:54 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Happy Holidays! I’m putting this in a bit later, but it just so happens that my sporking is ready to be published. Fanfic: Guilty Love (Ch. 15) Inspiration: This sporking right here Rating: Ehhh...not sure about this one, folks. It’s not bad. Most of the characters are in character, and the grammar is proper. Overall, it’s one of the more tamer fics out there. But some issues I have are: the main idea isn’t focused as much and some of the details are unnecessary. I’m quite tired, so apologies for making it so boring. Enjoy. And now for our esteemed sporkers! Phoenix Wright! “Oh boy. Today’s my lucky day, isn’t it?” Miles Edgeworth! “I’m surprised they held up their end of the bargain this time.” Larry Butz! “WOAH! Nick, Edgey! You didn’t tell me this place is still alive!?” and Franziska von Karm- AAAAAAAAGHHH! “Foolish fools who didn’t foolishly tell me that this foolish excuse of a theatre is still open!" [Even though it’s been a few months since the last sporking, the fear lingers on in their minds. That one day, those two might get dragged back in the Sporking Theatre... But anyway! They’re coming, and with a pair of equally (un)happy sporkers.] Phoenix: Aw geez...Not here. Anywhere but here. Larry: Maybe it’s something good this time? Edgeworth: Larry, stop lying to yourself. Today’s going to be as bad as it always gets. Although, it’s quite a surprise that the Management kept their promise about us being in here. Larry: Well, if it goes south, at least I’m doing it with my best pals! Phoenix: (That’s...actually kind of heartwarming. But his naivety is also extremely troubling...) Edgeworth: I’ve actually heard that there is another person joining us. Phoenix: What? Who is it? Larry: Is it a cute girl? Phoenix: (Of course his first thought was a girl.) Huh? What’s that sound? It sounds like it’s charging right at us... Edgeworth: This sound is something I’m all too familiar with. Everyone, brace yourselves. Phoenix: But wh- crack Phoenix: YEEEOOOOWCH! Larry: Now this sound is something I’m all too familiar with. It can only be… Franziska: Phoenix Wright! Larry Butz! And especially Miles Edgeworth! Why on earth didn’t you tell me that we’re sporking a horrible fanfiction?! Larry: Franzy! How’s your reading of Franzy’s Whippity Whip- crack Larry: TRIIIIIIIIP! Franziska: Quiet, you fool! I was talking to Miles Edgeworth! Edgeworth: (Or about to, anyway.) Franziska, I assure you that we didn’t know there was a future sporking session planned. Franziska: Hmph. As expected from the pariah of the von Karma family. Phoenix: Um… I suppose you’re here because you’re in it, right? Franziska: I imagine that I am. Though, I hope this time it will not be as bad as the others. Phoenix: Alright then. Well, uh, Management. I guess we’re starting. Speakers: Sounds good. Narrator, you know the drill. [Yes sir. Everyone is seated, and the lights turn off.] Spoiler: Quote: Hey guys! So, I got my first M/M request. (That took a really long time, I'm surprised). Here's how I'm going to go with this: There are a lot of extremely creepy M/M pairings, and I don't want to write the weird ones. So please, unless it's your OTP, I'd prefer straight relationships. Thanks. Edgeworth: I do understand where they’re coming from. Phoenix: Although, there’s nothing inherently wrong with gay relationships. Just stick to the non-creepy ones if that’s what you want, and write it like any other story. Quote: Today, though, is going to be Larry and Franziska. Some of you wanted crack, some of you didn't, so… Yeah. I'm just going to improvise. Larry & Franziska: ! Franziska: I’m paired with this buffoon?! This is unacceptable! Larry: Eh heh heh. Franzy’s a beautiful girl, you know. Phoenix: Careful Larry, don’t provoke her. All: … crack Larry: OW OW OW! I complimented you! Phoenix: Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Quote: (O) I never thought a whip could be used like this. She hooked me around my waist, and pulled me towards her. Edgeworth: Oh dear. My head’s already aching. Phoenix: I think everyone knows where this is going, and I don’t like it. Franziska: already fuming Quote: Her lips crashed into mine, and the sloppy, passionate kiss left me breathless. "Mmm, yes, you fool," she said as we broke apart. I went in for another kiss, and she responded eagerly. As we broke apart, her teeth gently closed around my bottom lip, stretching it towards her. Franziska: sigh I must control myself. As a prosecutor and a von Karma, I need to be calm and collected. Phoenix: (I’ve never seen her holding this much contempt back…) Edgeworth: Franziska, please remember it’s just some nonsense fanfiction. Larry: … Phoenix: (Whew. Good thing Larry’s not spewing any more garble out of his big mouth, or she would’ve lost it.) Quote: "Larry," she called. "What is it, babe?" "Larry!" Larry: Who the heck is calling me?! sees the word ‘babe’ Actually, I take it back. Everyone else: ? Quote: "What is it?" "Larry! It's time for breakfast! Wake up!" I opened my eyes to find a pillow being hurled at me. Phoenix was standing in the door. Oh, right. I was staying at the Wright's house for the week. Phoenix: Huh? Larry is staying at MY place?! Larry: The author does know I have my own pad, right? Also, I don’t typically call him Wright. It’s Nick! Phoenix: Nevermind that! I guess it’s not enough for me to pay rent for somebody else! Edgeworth: I’m surprised. You usually don’t have many cases to support your living arrangement. Even then, most clients don’t pay you. Franziska: Don’t forget that you have a daughter to care for. Phoenix: (Ugh. Please don’t remind me…) Quote: "I'm up, I'm up! Geez, Nick!" "Are you sure, babe?" "Did I say that out loud?" I groaned. Phoenix: B-Babe?! Edgeworth: It’s tiring to see you this bemused. I thought you knew this theatre from top to bottom. Phoenix: That doesn’t mean I can’t express my emotions! Larry: Man, it’s kinda frightening to think that Nick’s my lover. Edgeworth: It’s not that frightening once you’ve been here as much as I have. Phoenix: Wait, it’s a Larry x Franziska fic, so… Franziska: Foolish fool! Don’t remind me of the premise! Quote: "Yes. Who exactly were you dreaming about? It had better not be my daughter, or I'll be defending myself in a murder case." Phoenix: I do care a lot about Trucy, but I wouldn’t kill anyone for her…right? Edgeworth: That quiver at the end is very telling, Wright. Franziska: It’s quite amusing since that is exactly what I think you would do. Larry: Don’t worry Nick, I believe you wouldn't kill me! Phoenix: (…Thanks.) Quote: "No, it's not her. It's another chick." "It had better be. Trucy made pancakes. And you had better at least pretend that you like them." Phoenix: Pretend? What do you mean pretend? Edgeworth: I have a feeling that your daughter had put something “unconventional” in them. Franziska: But she’d at least cook marginally better than you, Phoenix Wright. Phoenix: Honestly, I agree. Trucy’s pancakes may not be the best, but they’re a sweet hint of family in them. Quote: "Are they going to be like the omelets she made yesterday?" "She likes peanut butter, and she likes chocolate, and she likes potato chips, and she likes cherry pie filling, and she likes pickles, and she likes omelets. She just doesn't like them all together." "I don't, either." "I think the pancakes should be halfway normal. I didn't see any farfetched ingredients." Edgeworth: As I suspected. Your daughter is quite a special case, Wright. Phoenix: Thanks. Franziska: He was saying that sarcastically. Learn to read verbal clues! crack Phoenix: AGH! [The lights suddenly start flickering. The ground also starts quaking.] Larry: What the heck?! Franziska: Fools! What foolish incompetency let this happen? Edgeworth: curled up into a ball, shaking in fear Phoenix: What the…? [The lights are finally off, and the tremors stop.] Speakers: This establishment is truly miserable. So I came here to help. Phoenix: Eh? Who are you? Speakers: It doesn’t take a genius to know you four are struggling. [Then, a spotlight focuses on Phoenix.] Speakers: Especially you…Daddy. All: !! Phoenix: T-Trucy?! What are YOU doing here? Speakers: My intuition never fails, remember? Larry: Woah, you have a butt-kicking daughter, Nick! Edgeworth: How did you get past the Management? Speakers: I subdued them with the art of chloroform! Franziska: Phoenix Wright! How could you let your daughter access such dangerous chemicals?! You should be ashamed! Phoenix: Ack! I-I‘m sorry, okay? I’m trying my best to take care of her... Speakers: This author is making some bold assumptions about me, so I’m gonna debunk them. Get ready for Trucy’s Telling Truths, folks! Starting now! Spoiler: Quote: I staggered out of bed, leaving my dreams of Franzie behind. I stumbled into the kitchen to find a ten year old girl looking at me, excitedly. "Hi, Mr. Larry! I made you breakfast!" Speakers: Wait, so I’m TEN in this? Edgeworth: That actually explains a lot of the bad cooking. Speakers: I’ll have you know I try my hardest, Mr. Edgeworth! Phoenix: I mean, this is ten-year-old fic-you. Sorry Trucy, but I have to side with Edgeworth on this one. Franziska: At least this fool isn’t fantasizing about me anymore. Quote: "Oh, you did? That's great." I looked down at my plate of pancakes. Huh. They did look pretty normal. I cut a piece off with my fork, and took a bite. It was terrible. I choked, and Phoenix glared at me. "Can you get me a glass of water, Trucy? These pancakes are so good, I let them go down the wrong pipe." Larry: Those pancakes must’ve been very bad if I choked on them. And as you know, I eat just about anything. Edgeworth: Even if it was something highly toxic? Larry: Erm...maybe not everything… Phoenix: Speaking of, Trucy doesn’t usually make anything “terrible”. Franziska: Also speaking of, a person should never lie about their true feelings, not even if their father was perfect. You’re a scoundrel, Larry Butz and Phoenix Wright! crack, crack Larry & Phoenix: AUUUUUUUUGH! Quote: "I knew that they'd be yummy! I added a whole bottle of vanilla!" "Trucy loves her vanilla," Phoenix added. Phoenix: Especially with her pudding cups. Edgeworth: Why would she add that much vanilla? I thought she did all the cooking for you two. Speakers: That’s because fic-me doesn’t have common sense. Quote: "So, Daddy, what are we going to do today?" the little demon asked. Phoenix: Why you little-! Edgeworth: Calm down. It’s just fiction. Larry: Well, if someone added a whole bottle of vanilla to my pancakes, I’d call them demons too. Phoenix: …Why you little-! Edgeworth: Calm down. It’s just Larry. Quote: "Oh, well Edgeworth and Franziska are going off on an another Interpol mission today. They'll be leaving soon. We're going to the airport to see them go." "They're leaving again? How long are they gonna be gone?" I asked. "They didn't say. Anywhere from a month to a year," Phoenix replied, choking down a pancake with a smile. Franziska: At least we’re doing honest work, unlike this man right here. Phoenix: H-hey! Larry: Interpol mission? I think I was involved in one of those… Edgeworth: Yes, and you thought Santa was real during one. Larry: No one told me he wasn’t real! Edgeworth: Did you forget how to use your brain? Quote: "Aww, but Mr. Edgeworth is so much fun!" Trucy whined. "You have an interesting definition of fun, kid," I replied. "So Larry, you're coming with, aren't you?" Phoenix asked. "Of course, Nick! What kind of friend do you think I am?!" "I plead the fifth," he retorted. Phoenix: Not a spectacular friend, to be honest. Larry: What?! I’m obviously the best friend anyone could have! Back me up, Edgey! Edgeworth: … Larry: sniff Is this what you guys think of me? sniff W-well, I’m cutting off all contact! Franziska: If you really want to be a good friend, then leave behind your cowardly ways, you simpleton! crack Larry: OWWWWWWW! Quote: "What's the fifth?" Trucy asked. "It's the right to remain silent," Phoenix replied. "Oh." She stuffed a pancake in her cheeks, and she strongly resembled a chipmunk. Speakers: I already know the fifth! Daddy taught me in one of his interesting yet boring lectures about law! Quote: "So, we should get going," Phoenix said eventually. "But you guys only had one pancake!" Trucy grumbled. "I'm not very hungry," I replied. "But they were very good." She glared at me. "You're lying." Larry: Huh? What makes you say that? Quote: "Huh? What makes you say that?" All: … Larry: I-Is this fic watching me? Edgeworth: It’s merely a coincidence. Quote: "Your right eye twitches whenever you lie. Plus, my pancakes tasted gross," she smirked. "Nick! What's up with your kid?! I don't twitch my eye when I lie! And I wasn't lying!" "Hee hee, your eye twitched again." Trucy grinned innocently. "Trucy's got a built in lie detector. She's pretty good at finding these kinds of things," Phoenix added. Phoenix: Ha ha, yeah. I’m so proud of my Trucy! Speakers: Heh heh. Thanks Daddy! Larry: H-H-Hey Nick, a-am I really twitching that m-much? Franziska: You don’t need to ask him to know that you’re shaking violently. Quote: "Daddy, you should get us McDonald's on the way to the airport," Trucy said. "I agree." Speakers: Huh? But I thought we'd already eaten my “terrible” pancakes. Why’d we need to buy more food? Phoenix: The fic did say you, Larry, and I ate one pancake each. Maybe we’re hungry? Speakers: If we wanted McDonald’s, why cook in the first place? Phoenix: Well, um… Edgeworth: Give it up, Wright. Logic doesn’t exist in fanfiction. Quote: (O) After getting two McMuffins and a happy meal ("But Daddy! You never get me happy meals! How am I supposed to be happy if I never get to eat a happy meal?!"), we had arrived at the airport. Larry: Well duh, getting a happy meal = happy. It’s in the name! Quote: I saw Franziska in the distance, next to Edgeworth. I'd give just about anything to trade places with him, just to be by her side. He didn't know what he had. Phoenix: Oh yeah. I’ve almost forgotten that Larry’s the centerpiece of this fic. Franziska: Hrngh! Foolish fool! crack Larry: AUGH! I didn’t say anything! Franziska: Fic-you did, and you’re the closest thing to him! Quote: "Mr. Edgey! Miss Franzy!" Trucy ran up to them, and hugged Edgeworth's leg. He looked down at her awkwardly, and patted her on the head. Edgeworth: sigh If this ever happens, please train her not to do this. Speakers: I’m no dog, Mr. Edgeworth! Quote: Me and Phoenix walked up to them a moment later, and Franziska was threatening the little girl with her whip. "Ooh! Miss Franzy, can I try?" "My name is NOT Franzy. And no, you'll get yourself killed." "Please? Miss Franziska?" Franziska glanced at me. Franziska: Killed? With my whip? I dare not to kill anyone and splatter blood all over this. Phoenix: So you would kill anyone as long as it’s not your whip? Franziska: That’s not what I’m implying, Phoenix Wright! Edgeworth: Is everyone going to gloss over the fact that a grown woman threatened a little girl? Quote: "You're only allowed to hit him and your father." She handed Trucy the whip, and she immediately started whirling it around. Phoenix snatched it out of the air with one hand, causing the spinning Trucy to fall over. Phoenix: (Of course the only condition is to only hit me and Larry. Of course.) Larry: Woah Nick! How’d you catch that thing with one hand?! You’re like the second person who could ever do that! Phoenix: The power of a sensible dad, perhaps? Quote: "No weapons in the airport, Trucy." "Then how come Miss Franziska gets to play with it?" she whined. "She's a member of the police force, so she has special privileges." Edgeworth: Just because you’re part of the police force does not mean you can whip whoever and whenever. Franziska: What’s that, little brother? Edgeworth: All I am saying is, you don’t have the right to that much freedom, Franziska. Quote: "How can I get special privileges?" Trucy whined. "Stop spinning weapons around," Franziska retorted. "Then you might have a chance." "What's the point of having weapons if you can't use them?" she complained. Speakers: They make it sound like I’m some war criminal! Phoenix: Well you do catch criminals with Apollo, that’s for sure. Edgeworth: On a side note, please don’t let your daughter near weapons as well. Speakers: A bit too late for that… Edgeworth: Wright! Phoenix: I may or may not know about that… Quote: "Franziska, our plane is about to leave," Edgeworth interrupted. Trucy looked up at him, and glared evilly. She pulled off his cravat, and ran. Edgeworth and Phoenix followed, shouting. Edgeworth: NGHOOOOOOOOOOH! Franziska: Looks like your foolish excuse of a cravat was taken. That was truly a blessing in disguise. Phoenix: Trucy, what did I say about taking other people’s stuff, and glaring at them evilly? Speakers: Not to steal, and to put on a smile. I know, Daddy. Edgeworth: (She’s done this more than once?! Just what kind of child is Wright raising?) Quote: "That foolish fool, foolishly raising a foolish fool of a foolish child," Franziska huffed. "Well, I am taking my seat on the plane." She turned and began walking away. "Wait! Franziska!" I called, running up to her. "What is it? I have a plane to catch." Her blue-gray eyes pierced through mine, and I knew there was only one thing that I could do. Larry: Am I…? Phoenix: Are you…? Edgeworth: Will he…? Franziska: Surely not? Otherwise… Quote: "Forgive me." "What? Wh-oomph!" I crashed my lips into hers, for a single moment. When she shoved me away, she began whipping me until I passed out. I probably deserved it. Franziska: enraged LARRY BUTZ! Larry: Huh? crack Larry: OW! Franziska: You will NEVER… crack Franziska: …kiss me… crack Franziska: …even if you dream of it…! crack Larry: OWEWOWOWOWOOW! Quote: I dreamed of her, of course. Franziska: And one more for good measure! whipping frenzy ensues [Larry lays on the floor unconscious. Alongside him are his many whip marks imprinted on his skin.] Phoenix & Edgeworth: … Phoenix: Management! Call an ambulance! Speakers: Daddy, I am the Management! Phoenix: Oh. Edgeworth: Well then, please hurry and find a module that sends an ambulance! Speakers: Alright, I’m trying! I’m trying! …Found it! They should be here any second now… [An ambulance is immediately rushed on the scene and takes Larry away. Phoenix is talking with a nearby paramedic.] Phoenix: Will he be fine? Paramedic: The lashes aren’t too deep to cause life-threatening issues. He should be patched up and ready to go in a few weeks. Phoenix: Oh thank goodness. [All the medical officers and paramedics leave the scene.] [The lights turn on.] Edgeworth: I retract my earlier statement. This wasn’t as bad as I expected. Phoenix: It definitely wasn’t as vomit-inducing as the last one. Franziska: Apart from the plot, there certainly isn’t much to say about it. Larry: Hey, that was pretty cool! Me, with the famous Franzy of Franzy’s Whippity Whip- crack Larry: OW- wait, that didn’t hurt! All: Larry?! Phoenix: But I thought he was hospitalized? Speakers: I told the officer to put a microphone on him so he could say his final thoughts if he regained consciousness! Franziska: That sounds ingenious yet oddly cruel of you. Phoenix: (Says the one that whipped him unconscious.) Larry: I may sound raspy, but that won’t stop me from being with my Fran…zy… Paramedic: through microphone Sorry, he dozed off again. Speakers: No worries. Anyway, I gotta get out of here. The real Management’s waking up soon. Phoenix: I guess that’s our cue. Shall we? Edgeworth and Franziska: Of course. [They all leave the Sporking Theatre. What will happen next? Will the theatre bite the dust? Or will a miracle happen? Find out next…or not!] [But hours later…] Speakers: Hrngh… What happened? Why am I tied up? Do you know of this, Narrator? [None whatsoever.] Speakers: Well, if we find that you’re lying, then your salary’s on the chopping block, got it? [Y-yes sir!]

Author:	Pepper Cake [ Fri Mar 04, 2022 12:27 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Hello! I don't know if this forum was now dead or just inactive. It's really enjoying to read. Any suggestion if I can write one?

Author:	Pepper Cake [ Sun Mar 06, 2022 3:49 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
SPORKING SESSION COMMENCE THE RE-OPENING Trucy in Edgeworthland by DAKOOLGUY RISE FROM ASHES Rating: (2.4) A/N: That’s going to be my first sporking fiction. I enjoyed some of the sporking fics here (especially DJJ680's) in this forum, even though it is inactive. So, why not write one? And I welcome any advice and comment on this. Ok, let’s go for the context. Does anyone still know about Dakoolguy? Yeah, the writer of John Phoenix stories. It is safe to say that he creates another (yes, not the first one) havoc to the Ace Attorney section of Fanfiction.net as I try to find a better story here. So, it is a pity for authors who creates an actual good story, and it seems most of them are migrating for A03. My take on the story? I guess this sporking fiction gives the explanation for this. That’s the reason why sporking exists. It’s going to be a bit of a rant. And... What will be another creation of Dakoolguy? An angel bullet? A robo-Gant or robo-von Karma? A bloody shenanigans and mess of John Phoenix? Phoenix: Great. You’re going with Apollo Justice-sound level... Trucy: With Ema-Skye-blood level. Trucy: OH MY IN THE WORLD OF MAGICAL PANTIES!! [Phoenix covers Trucy’ eyes] Phoenix: What in the world? (Minutes ago...) Sporking Theatre March 6, 2029 \| 7:00 pm There is no time to waste... Introducing the sporkers for the revival of this Theatre... PHOENIX WRIGHT “This guy doesn’t catch a break, huh?” TRUCY WRIGHT “Oh boy, here we go again.” And the master of the sporkers. MILES EDGEWORTH “Because there is a reemergence of that author, it doesn’t mean we have to be dragged for this story.” Phoenix: To be honest, there is no way we are escape from this if there are still existing bad fiction, especially this new year. Trucy: And it’s not fair; where is Polly? This is supposed to be “live, suffer, die together” if this is really John Phoenix-related sporking session. Edgeworth: Please never mention this name. What he did to our dignity is the worst sin in what is supposed to be creative writing. Phoenix: Hmm. I have never seen Apollo. At least lucky for him. Management: I guess so. Hey, welcome back to Sporking Theatre. If you ask, I’m different Management. Edgeworth: Yet, the Theatre still never changes. Same old, same old. Management: As you expected, I have good news and bad news. Which would you pick first? Phoenix: Obviously bad news. Edgeworth: If something like that, it would be bad news. Management: Dakoolguy is back. Yeah, THAT Dakoolguy, one who was known for writing John Phoenix. Seemingly he runs another nut job. In one instance, he uploads multiple stories in just a single day and asserts himself as the top, and even considers himself as a god in the Ace Attorney section of Fanfic.net. Edgeworth: That’s a bold yet impudence thing to do. Phoenix: Gee, why pass the time and effort for this one and for the writing of this sporking? Management: One of science that cannot answer and one that I know but never answer. Trucy: Tell me the good news. Management: From our research, we still try to monitor if ever there will be another “sequel” from two of his long fanfic. Phoenix: Ah yes, that two that we spork already Management: There is none as of this moment... Trucy: Relief. Management: As of this today. Trucy: (gulp) Management: Right now, there will be no John Phoenix. So, it will be like a freshman session... (Everyone is seated, then lights off) Management: Or is it? Trucy: That doesn’t feel me well. Spoiler: SPORKING Quote: Trucy in Edgeworthland By: DAKOOLGUY RISE FROM ASHES Uncle Edgeworth tells Trucy a story about a magical land of pure logic critical thinking. What will happen? Phoenix: I take it as a rewritten fiction from Alice in the Wonderland. Edgeworth: Magical land of pure logic and critical thinking? That’s interesting. But you know these two things is very abstract, least to no possible to exist as a physical or concrete object. I hope he describes it in detail. Trucy: Wow! Never know I got to be featured. This needed to be interesting. Phoenix: Are we talking about that same guy? Management: From our research, yes. In his profile, he also admits to being the alt of Kumar Timalsina and Mr. Good Writer. Phoenix: Despite that, I can’t earn a pity. Quote: (note: this is an AU, trucy is still 8 like she was when phoenix adopted her, and phoenix is married to thalassa/lamiror) Phoenix: ........ Edgeworth: ........ Trucy: Hey, did you really love my mommy? And same time, love Lamiroir? Wait, is the story made us to choose is it my Mommy or Lamiroir that my Daddy love? Management: The Management highly encourage Ms. Wright to..... wait Trucy: And wait, how come my mommy and Lamiroir are the same... Phoenix: NEXT! Quote: One day Miles Edgeworth was in prsion whipping Manfred von Karma when he got a phonecall from his good friend Pheoinx Wright "Hello" said Phefnix "me and Thalassa are having our date night tonighjt could you babysit Trucy for us" "Of course Write" replys Edgeworth "I'd be delighted. You and her are married, in fact of course" "Cool thanks" said Pheonics "I knew I could count on you Smegsworth" Edgeworth: If you’re thinking that I have the authority to enter the prison and allow myself to physically torture the criminal, you’re wrong. And also, I don’t know how to begin spotting every misspelling and missing punctuation. Trucy: Also, I’m an 8-year-old kid who knows how to earn money. I’m nowhere on being a baby. Phoenix: But you know what’s it like if you get the sweets from the compartment. Trucy: Daddy! Quote: Edgeworth snapped his cellphone shut and looked down coldy at the welts on von Karma's bloodied back. "We shall resume our torture session tomorrow... father" and Edgy. Manfrid looked over his shoulder with dull, lifeless eyes "I'll be waiting... son" Miles: I only considered Manfred von Karma as my mentor. I never once called him father or perhaps considered him as an adoptive father. Phoenix: Gee. That’s a bit... off when von Karma calls you “son” despite you torture him. Or considering how everything occurs way back when you’re the defendant. Quote: Later that night, Edgeworks had jsut finished giving Trucy her dinner. After making sure she said her praires he tucked her into bed. "Good night Trucy" he said turning to leave "Wait Uncle Edgeworth" said Trucy "Arent u going to read me a story. daddy and mommy always read me a story at bed time" "I;m not your uncle, Trucy, as I share no familial relationship with either of your caretakers" "o" seid Trucy Edge smirked "Hmph but I suppose I could read you a story before bed" Edgeworth: If I have a chance to teach this author, it would all be about the importance of proof checking. Phoenix: Honestly, I rarely see you editing one’s fiction rather than just spotting. Edgeworth: That would be too easy for the writer. And very too easy since we have grammar checking application in the internet like Grammarly and... Management: The Management encourage Mr. Edgeworth to not advertise on any website or software. Since I’m poor, I said highly recommended to that. Quote: "yay read this one" she said, and she took dog-eared book off the shelf and handed it to him "My goodness" say eggword "This book is fiflthy. How disgraceful to let a book get into such a condition!" "But mommy said that my book looking like that is okay because it means I love it alot" said Trucy "Its my favorite book in the whole ride world" Trucy: Eggword! HAHAHAHAHHA Edgeworth: This guy creates more variants of names than the COVID-19 variants. Management: The Management highly encourage Mr. Edgeworth to not make references in a real-world scenario. Quote: Edgeworth planted himself gracefuly on a stool next to her bed. "Hmm very well" he said "If it's your favorite" The title of the book was "Alice in Wonderland". Edgeworth skimmed through the book and let out a disgustied cry. "Why, this book contain no logic at all!" he exclaimed. "It's full of contradictions! A talking cat? Mushrooms that cause people to grow or srink? Tweedle dee and Tweedle dumb? I can't belive Write lets you be exposed to this twaddle. And an abridged version at that!" Edgeworth throwed the book into the air and it went down his dog throat and into his lungs Trucy was cryin "Noooo that was my favorite beddy bye story" Edgeworth: Uhhh. There is a difference between fictional and non-fictional writing. That’s why there is something and there is not something to possibly happen in real-life. This fic-me is so too objective when it comes to writing. Management: Hmm. Considering the Ace Attorney is all about spirit channeling, magical magatama, psyche-lock, and even its law system is very different from the real-life counterpart? Should these possibly happen in real-life? Edgeworth: GAH! (My truth meter!) Phoenix: So, that's why Mr. Edgeworth sucks in being a child caretaker. Edgeworth: ARGH! (Great, Mr. Wright-o) Quote: "Now now child" said Edgeworth soothingly "I have a much better story for you. It's an instructive, educational story, and imparts important moral and life lessons. It should serve as a nice counterbalance to that Alice in Aliceland story." Edgeworth: Actually, if you don’t know, there are something we learn from Alice and the Wonderland. Phoenix: Oh, name it. Edgeworth: First, curiosity and then taking risk creates more adventure. Second, it is crucial to know really who you are. Third, keep growing and changing. Phoenix: I guess this is a book suggested to read ... for the author. Quote: "Oh goody" said Trucy "I like learning morals. mommy reads me stuff like that all the time. Whats your story about Mr. Edgeworth?" "It's about a sweet little girl just like you" said Miles "who goes to a magical land of pure logic and critical thinking called Edgeworthland" Phoenix: Heh, Edgeworthland. Management: You don’t know what would be if it is Wrightland, the land of bluff and turnabout. Edgeworth: GAH! Please don’t give this author a good idea, please. Quote: Edgeworth began his story. Trucy: So, we’re actually reading a story which basically reading a story. Edgeworth: Yeah, so? Trucy: Considering it’s a sporking fic, it’s now a story reading a story that reads the story. Phoenix: ... Management: The Management highly encourage Ms. Wright to not repeat the joke from the other sporking fiction and to not break the fourth screen obviously. Trucy: NOT FAIR! Quote: "One day Trucy and her family went for a pincic in the park. Trucy rested beneath the shade of a willow tree as Phoenix Wright and and his wife chased eachuther around the park. Trucy watched them and said, 'They are very immature and bad, they are not proper caretakers at all. I wish that Phoenix and Thalassa were dead or in jail and that District Attorney Miles Edgeworth was my father instead.'" Phoenix: That settles. This fic and that author always hate me. If that wasn’t the proof that this is the same author, I don’t know what is. And also, can you imagine I have to earn money in a criminal underground to take care Trucy? Trucy: Look how they hate my Mommy. Flash news for you, author, she's dead, not something I wish. Edgeworth: (Sorry for that. Thalassa is alive by the way) Quote: "Um I didn't say that Mr. Edgeworth" said Trucy in real life. She looked around for a way to escape but all the doors and windows had bars on them "Your story is weird" "Don't fret, child, it's merely a story" he replied "It's not reflective of how things are in real life, but rather how they should be. Now please remain quite and do not iterrupt the story again." Trucy: Lucky as I and this fic-me have the same mindset. Also, I have you know that my room is not akin to a prison cell. Edgeworth: Also, considering the context, saying this statement “Don't fret, child, it's merely a story. It's not reflective of how things are in real life, but rather how they should be.” encourages that it is okay to have illogicality (eg. plot hole) or have OOC. Phoenix: I guess he meant by it’s okay to read a story that has an unreal element in it. I mean that’s how fictional stories work but still, fic-Edgeworth goes to rant about how unreal the character is in a fictional story. It goes, without saying, contradicting. Quote: Anyway back to the story. Suddenly fake story Trucy saw Miles Edgeworth's dog and she follwed the dog and she fell into A HOLE and she fell for a long long time until she landed in the middle of an enchanted forest Phoenix: Also, I guess it’s time to utilize a section line or chapter that would separate the real portion from the imaginary portion because saying Trucy in real life and fake story Trucy could start a confusion. Trucy: Oh wait, does Mr. Edgeworth has a dog? Management: Yes and no. From our research, shown in Gyakuten Saiban Fanbook, there is an idea that Mr. Edgeworth owns a very large dog named Pess which he loves but never got in the production phase. Also, in an anime adaptation, his family also owns a Pomeranian breed dog named Missile but that was until the incident, it was later owned by von Karma. Miles: Hmm. That's why it makes familiar. Quote: "Urhh" said Trucy "where am I?" "Your in Edgeworth land pal" said jestershoe the kindly jester "a land of pure logic and smart. But sadly things haven't been going too hot lately." "y is that scruffy?" she asked. Edgeworth: Oh my. Gumshoe has joined the chat. Phoenix: It’s weird to see him in jester outfit, no less. Quote: "Because King Edgeworth was kidnapped by an evil wizard named Phoenix Wright and a whorish witch named Thalassa. Phoenix: SEE, WHAT DID I TELL YOU? Trucy: Please, Daddy, tell me that my Mommy is not bad. Phoenix: No, sweetie. Mommy is not bad that author wants you think. Hey, at least, Mr. Edgeworth was treated as not villain. Edgeworth: Excuse me, but one who needed to be rescued. Quote: Basically them took over edgeworth land and are using black magic to make everything not logical anymore." Edgeworth: Also, I don't know how these two transforms the world into "not-logical". What is a world without logical scenario? Trucy: Oh, maybe the gravity disappears, the single person can be in two different location, or a victim without gunshot wound was killed by a gun. Phoenix: Gee, you know the concept about killing by falling, alibi, and murder weapon. Miles: (This girl getting smarter every now and then.) Quote: He pointed at an evidence tree. "Normally the evidence on that tree would be logical and consistent with the facts but ever sense the wizard took over all the evidence has been forged and isnt admissiable in court. Now no one has faith in our criminal justice system anymore because of the evil lawyer i mean the evil wizard and all the criminals are being aloud to walk free." Phoenix: A tree that grows evidence. That's interesting but bizarre-sounding. Gee, what's it look like? Trucy: Daddy, it's like a tree. Imagine it grows evidence like a knife, cellphone, past case files, and autopsy report. It's lucky that these last two is well... paper, thus, made out from the tree. Phoenix: ... Quote: "Um thats bad an all" Trucy said nervously "but i should really be getting back home to America" "Sorry pal" said Jestershoe "but the only one who can send you back to America is King Edgeworth. And, well, he's being held captive in the wizard's cassle, so..." Trucy rooled up her sleef "Then we must go safe him scruffy!" she said. "We cant let that evil wizard and that evil witch ruin Edgeworthland!" "Yeah!" exclaimed jestershoe "yeah! you're right! wow, no has ever thouhht to stand up the wizard before. you sure are brave" Edgeworth: And we still don’t know what Edgeworthland can be described as. Trucy: Is it more like Roman Colosseum-land, Philosopher-land, an enchanted land with logic power thingy, or a Modern-Science land or is just similar to Alice in the Wonderland? Phoenix: I doubt the author has to establish that. Quote: "Thanks" said Trucy "My name is Trucy Wright btw" "Cool my name is Jestershoe" "So how do we get to the cassle, jestershoe?" Jestershoe parted some bushes and beckoned her forward. He pointed to a yellow bricked road. "we gotta follow that shit and it'll lead us to the cassle" Edgeworth: Again, we’re in the story, not a chat. And please don’t tell me that acronyms are the future of creative writing. Phoenix: Well, this story takes a turn. Quote: Okay" said Trucy and they walked through the bushes and down a slope to the road "why is it yellow anyway" "I don't know" said Jestershoe. "Some say that its made of gold but others say that its just made of yellow" "o I see" Edgeworth: “Made of yellow” is a bit misleading. Yellow is not a substance or object that produced a newer substance. Color is something that describes but is not made of. Can you imagine if I say I’m made out of brown because I’m a human being? Phoenix: “Made of gold” can be a correctly sounding because gold, is like...a substance? Edgeworth: Yes but close, it’s an element. (Please, study chemistry) Quote: They walked for a while and then the road split off into two different paths. One path led to the cassle, and the other path lead to die. Two evil monsters stood near the fork in the road. One monster, when asked a question, would tell the truth. But the other monster would tell only bad lies meant to deceive. The problem was that PTrucy and Jestershoe didn't know which creature was good! Jestershoe sat down and started cryin "now we'll never get to the cassle, we dont which path to take or whose good and whose bad" "Don't worry Jestershoe" seaid Trucy "We'll just use LOGIC" and she arrested the monster who only told lies and put him in prison. Then they asked the truthful monster which path to take and went on they're marry way Phoenix: This is not logic. It is more like common sense. I would’ve already know just by looking at the first paragraph. Edgeworth: Hmm. I know people said that lying is bad but it can be good or okay in a some situation. For example, if I ask you where is your daughter so I’m going to kill her, can you tell me the truth or lie? Trucy: Hey, that’s rude! Edgeworth: Again, lying in this situation can be a form of deceit. Phoenix: It seems you’re like convincing people, even the witness, that it is okay to lie. Edgeworth: Not my intention, Mr. Wright. We are still holding your secret. Don't make me convince otherwise. Trucy: Oh, Mr. Edgeworth, what’s that secret? Phoenix: We’re forgetting that conversation. Quote: meanwhile at the cassle thalassa was watching them in her crystal balls "Bad news Phoenix" she said "They past the first trial of logic" Phoeinx lagued in his throne "Dont worry that trial was easy" he said "it was 50/50 wheter they took the right road anyway. The next trial will stump them for sure." And he laughed evilly and drunk alochol. "Hmph" said the good king Edgeworth under his breath. He was sitting in a birdcage suspended from the ceiling. "It seems like Trucy could use some help" He took some doves out of his pockets and sprinkled them with his essence "Go now my doves, go forth and help Trucy pass the challenges which await her" and the birds flew out the window Edgeworth: Statistically speaking, I don’t think that’s 50/50 if that two doesn’t randomly choose or it was so easy that you only use common sense to enact this situation. It’s more like choosing which is a drink: a omelette or grape juice? Phoenix: I know people confuse me drinking me alcohol but it’s just grape juice. Quote: Meanwhile, Trucy and Jestershoe follwed the yellow brick road and presently it lead them into a village. A bald old man in a dress way crying in front of a bunch of men in orange jumpsuits "What's wrong, beared gentlman?" asked Trucy the judge sniffed "Oh nothing my life is just kinda stressful right now? You see, one of these men is a criminal, but I don't know which. And until we find the true criminal, the town is cursed, and there's an invisible barrier that prevents anyone from leaving or entering. We'll be starved." "And we won't be able to follow the brick road, pal!" said Jestershoe. Phoenix: The Judge has joined the chat. Quote: "Hmm, maybe i can help" said Trucy. She looked over the men carefully. "Oh, I know, we can use the process of elimination to find the true criminal, just liek miles edgeforth" and she had the judge and Edgeworth: Ah, the process of elimination! The wonders of logic. It is where you exclude every improbable choices to get closer in choosing the correct option. Of course, if they find the correct option first, they have to test by proving if any remaining choices are improbable. That is the idea of choosing who is the culprit from the 5 suspects. Only one is guilty and the rest is innocent unless an accomplice were to be involved and... Quote: Jestershoe burn the men alive until there was only one left. Edgeworth: WHAT IN THE IMBECILE? AM I READING THAT RIGHT? HE’S BURNING THE INNOCENT IN ORDER TO CATCH THE GUILTY. THE PROCESS OF ELIMINATION DOESN'T MEAN ELIMINATING EVERYONE BUT ONE TO REACH THE RESULT. Phoenix: Great. You’re going with Apollo Justice-sound level... Trucy: With Ema-Skye-blood level. Management: And Franziska von Karma-violence level. Edgeworth: (glare) Management: (gulp) Quote: "NOOOOOOO dont kill me" the last man said. "Yes I admit it, I'm the criminal" and the baliff took him away and put him in jail for 3 days for stealing his neighbor's chicken and coveting his ass. Trucy: Coveting his [***] HAHAHAHAHAHAH! Phoenix: Watch your mouth. Management: The Management highly encourage Ms. Wright to maintain a family-friendly environment in sporking session. Edgeworth: Is three days of jail time is fair to more than one life being killed in this story? Ngooooh... Quote: "Wow nice work" said the judge. And he gave her a Junior Judge's badge and she pinned it to her shirt. "That badge has magical properties btw. If you ask the badge for food, it will give you food." Now that the criminal had been caught, the barriar that had been preventing their progress collapsed. However, as it was now late in the afternoon, Trucy and Jestershoe decided to stay at the inn for the night. Phoenix: Oh great, the Badge with Powers cliché intensifies. In the past, a fic-Wright’s badge that gives power to John Phoenix. Then now, a Junior Judge badge which gave you more...food. Trucy: Wow, what’s going to be in the next story? A badge that automatically gives you to fly. A badge that silences everyone's voices. Edgeworth: Again, don’t give this author a good idea. Quote: "And shall you be wanting dinner" asked the inn keeper, Winston Payne. "No thanks pal" said Jestershoe "We have magic badge that make food" Impossible thought the inn keeper. But he watched them through a telescope in the wall as they had their dinner, and sure enough, as soon Trucy rubbed the badge and asked for food an entire feast appeared on the table Phoenix: Now, the janitor is going to be in this story. Quote: "I must steal this treasure for my own evilness" Winston said evilly. "I will sneak into their room tonight and cut off Trucy's head and steal the badge" But Edgeworth's doves were sitting on his shoulders, and later that night they opened the door to Trucy's room and whispered into her ear and told her about Winston's devilous plan Trucy got out of her bed and shook Jestershoe awake. "Jestershoe, switch beds with me" "OK pal" he said sleeply. He went over the the other bed and lay down. "No, lie down the other way" she said "So that your feet are where your head is now." Trucy: Just in..that the janitor is a, under without any circumstances, 100% dumb. Edgeworth: Wait, if the dove has the strength to open the door and communicate with any human, would it be a sense that the dove to tell every civilian or assist Edgeworth escaping from the castle? Phoenix: You’re very too objective for a children's novel. This story should have a “saving the princess” situation... Edgeworth: ... Phoenix: Or “save the king” Edgeworth: I’m no princess, gratitude appreciated. Quote:** Jestershoe oblighed, and Trucy went to her new bed and fell asleep. Later at midnight, Winston Payne sneaked into the roon with a huge executioner's axe. He approached the bed in which Trucy should have been sleeping and brought the axe down. Then he reached under the covers and ripped something off Jestershoe's chest. Trucy: OH MY IN THE WORLD OF MAGICAL PANTIES!! [Phoenix covers Trucy’ eyes] Phoenix: What in the world? Edgeworth: NNNNGGGOOOOOHHHH! Quote: The next morning, Jestershoe lifted the covers and saw that his feet had been cut off. "Whoa pal" he said. "Why are my feet dead" Edgeworth: Your feet has been chopped. CHOPPED! Phoenix: What’s next? I, Phoenix, were stereotyped as a idiotic lawyer who depend on luck and bluffing. Then Maya were stereotyped as a gluttonous burger-loving teenager girl or a witch. Now, Gumshoe was stereotyped as a big lug who feels no pain. No, I’m not only blaming the author, it’s really anyone. Quote: And Trucy explained what the doves had told her. Then they nailed Jestershoe's feet back on and went downstairs. The inn keeper was shocked to see Trucy still alive. "B-b-but h-how...?" he sputtered. Trucy let out a yawn. "Ahhhh I had a great sleep last night. But my neck itches a litle." Winston got scared and peed himself because he thought Trucy must be a powerful witch. Then she said, "Oh, I'm pretty hungry" and rubbed the badge. Suddenly a bowl of Steel Samurai cereal appeared out of thin air. "WHHHHHAAATTTTT IMPOSSIBLE" said Winston. "If you have the badge, whats this I took from your room last night?" And he held up Gumshoe's bloody nipple. Phoenix: Nailed the amputated foot back in the leg...Ripping out Gumshoe’s bloody nipple. Is there anything that doesn’t gets much worse? Quote: "You got tricked you silly man" said Trucy. Then the doves flew out of her sleeves and pecked his eyes out as punishment. Phoenix: I can take it as no. Next slide, please. Edgeworth: This is supposed to be a children's novel but this one involves blood. Quote: After that, Trucy and Jestershoe continued following the yellow brick road on the way to the cassle. Eventually the road entered into the mouth of a huge cave. At the entrance to the cave was a distrissted looking man. "Whats wrong mister" asked Trucy "Oh hello little girl" said Will Powers. "My poor, sweet little daughter was kidnapped by the bandits that live in this cave. She's about your age. You see I used to be the leader of the bandits but King Edgeworth came to me in a dream and told me to give up my life of crime so I broke off with the bandits and became a farmer. It's hard work but its honest and Im setting a good example for little Bonnie. But the bandits were angry because they thought I had stolen from them, so they took my daughter away. And now I'm afraid thay will kill her or worse turn her into a bandit." The man opened a locket with a picture of his daughter in it and started crying. "Whoa pal stop talking so much" said jestershoe. "Me and this kid are heros. We'll save your daughter." "Oh, thank you" thanked the man. "Your great people." Phoenix: Will Powers is a bit gentle, kind, and naive, so, the opposite of his fierce and muscular figure. It's too weird seeing him, more or less, a leader of the bandit. Edgeworth: Ok. I guess it’s preferable if Gumshoe says to Powers to stop crying, not to stop talking. Phoenix: Still, we don’t know what her daughter looked like. Chances are that this will be thrown out into irrelevant to this story. Edgeworth: Also, epiphany doesn’t work like this. CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote: Will Powers: I will going to kill anyone who crossed my path. BWAHAHAHAH! Edgeworth: Hey, give up your life of crime. Will Powers: Oh my goodness, I’m a changed person now. Thank you very much, King Edgeworth! Quote: Anyways they entered the cave. They walked alot and the cave was confusing with lots of different winding path's but as long as they followed the yellow piss road they were find. Eventually they saw a light in the distance which was the exit but suddenly a huge shadow appeared and blocked out the light. Trucy: (snickers) Edgeworth: Whether it’s intentional or misspelling, I don’t need to know. Quote: "Feefy fie foe fom" sayed the monster "I am the monsterer and the wizard told me not to let any person passed!" Trucy smiled "Oh but I'm not Any Person I'm Trucy write" "Yeah I'm not Any Person either im jestershoe" said Jestershoe "Duh" said monstar "then who is any person?" Trucy pointed to Will Powers "hes Any Person" and while the monster was killing and eating Will powers, Trucy and Jestershoe sneaked out of the cave and followed the yellow brick road to cassle. Edgeworth: What a great cause. Sacrificing a person for a person. Pheonix: Any Person? The naming gets familiar in the case of Luke Atmey, Will Powers, or ... Edgeworth: We are not having that conversation. Quote: After a few more hours they finally reached the cassle. But it was sorrounded by water and the drawbridge was up. "Oh no" said Trucy "Now how will we save king edgeworth?" Edgeworth: Considering you have a badge that gives you food, logically assuming that has no limitation to how much, probably I would make a contraption made out of food. Any ideas? Phoenix: Uhh. Build a chocolate bridge? Trucy: Make a fudge cake rowing boat or a spaghetti helicopter? Oh, wow! What a classic food engineering. Management: I have you know that food engineering is about designing and manufacturing food product, not making contraptions out of food. Quote: She thougt rely hard and then she had an idea "Eureka! That's it!" Edgeworth: Or maybe just communicate the dove and do the work. Phoenix: Hey, you leave us out with your first option. Edgeworth: Occam’s razor, Mr. Wright. Occam’s razor. Quote: She rubbed the magic badge Trucy: Yay. We won. It leaves to our option as correct, Daddy. Edgeworth: Okay. That would be fair. Quote: and wished for an axe. Edgeworth and Phoenix: Wait, what? Trucy: That’s not right. How come we have the badge that basically provides us food but it can give us ax. Management: Uhh. There might be an explanation but I’m not sure about that. CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote: FLASHBACK "Wow nice work" said the judge. And he gave her a Junior Judge's badge and she pinned it to her shirt. "That badge has magical properties btw. If you ask the badge for food, it will give you food." ENHANCE! x1 "That badge has magical properties btw. If you ask the badge for food, it will give you food." ENHANCE! x2 "That badge has magical properties btw. ENHANCE! x3 magical properties Trucy: So, the food wishing is just one of the magical properties. Edgeworth: Still, the story never addresses why they never mention the ability of weapon wishing. Or anything that the badge has multiple magical properties. Quote: Then she cut off one of Jestershoe's arms and gave it to a dove. Trucy: ARGH!! [Phoenix cover Trucy's eye] Edgeworth: Now, I’m going to pity Detective Gumshoe for this. Phoenix: Enough to take back the salary cuts? Edgeworth: We’re not having that conversation. Quote: The dove flew over the moat and used the arm to operate the crank and lower the bridge. Trucy: Hey, if the dove can open the door, should it make sense if the dove can also operate the crank without the need of the hand? Edgeworth: At this time, Detective Gumshoe would have died by blood loss. Phoenix: Gee, when it comes to bad fiction, you always wish for the death of the character to escape from having its dignity sullied. Edgeworth: Truthfully, I’m not even denying it. Quote: Trucy threw it into the moat "No its dirty from the bird touching it you dont want it anymore" Trucy: (relief) Phoenix: Well, at least, we’re not going to forcefully watch the amputated arm being nailed back to its body. Quote: and then they entered the cassle and climbed the stairs to the throne room where they found phoenix the wizard looking at Thalassa's crystal balls. Trucy: Why there isn’t any guard? Edgeworth: While I don’t know why, I do know we can get out from this Theatre as earlier as possible. Phoenix: At least there’s no anime-style fighting scene. I don’t want to go back with Phoenix Phoenix shenanigans. Management: The Management highly encourage Mr. Wright... Phoenix: To not reference other stories. Management: To not give the author a good idea. Phoenix: To not give the author a good idea. Quote: "Whoa look at that" he said "It almost looks like there in the cassel" "Pheonix look" said Thalassa "Trucy and Jestershoe have entered the cassle" "What" wizard say "but how" Trucy smirked and bowed like Franziska. "It was easy, whenever I was confrotned with a problem, I used logic. It was what King Edgeworth would do." Phoenix: Franziska has join the chat..oh. At least, she would not appear in that story. Trucy: (smirked and bowed like Franziska) Edgeworth: I used logic AND common sense. Thank you very much. Phoenix: Well, it was easy because of the dove with human capability...and (food?) badge. Quote: "Atta girl" said King Edgeworth with pride. "Hmph" said pheoinx wizard "it doesnt matter NOW YOU DIE" and he took out his wand and sent a death curse at Trucy but it hit jestershoe instead. "NOOOOOOOO jestershoe!" cried Trucy. And she cryed over his corpse. "Ha" said Phoenix "What now little girl" Phoenix: Here goes the plot armor and here goes the fic-me's contribution to this story. Edgeworth: Well, the good thing that this story happens so far....depending on what you think. Quote: Trucy took out her cellphone "Easy I'll do what a child is supposed to do when the parents of Edgeworthland are bad Edgeworth: Considering that we are only armed with a food badge or well, a badge that gives you everything since the ax incident, maybe I can use a badge to wish a shield and sword. Trucy: .....Oh, me? Maybe, use a badge to have a magic blocking shield and magical birdcage for the two. Phoenix: If this author maintains the power of Trucy’s badge, I have to call a dove to do the work. Quote: I'LL CALL CPS Edgeworth: (abruptly stands from his seat and walk out) Phoenix: ...That's how you explain Deus ex machina. Trucy: CPS? California Police Station? Quote: and she called CPS and they took away Phoenix Wright and Thalassa for being bad parents and not taking proper care of Edgeworthland. Phoenix: If I read that right, it would be the Child Protection Services. This story should indicate what specifically is CPS. Maybe it would mean Consumer Product Safety since we have already that food badge shenanigans. Also, I don’t think the child would call CPS first, it should be the police department they are calling for. Trucy: We are in the Edgeworthland, a copy version of Alice in the Wonderland. There is no police station. Phoenix: And CPS. Maybe but why calling or even some sorts of technology exist in this era. Quote: "Good work Trucy" said Edgeworth not in a cage anymore "Now I could send you back to America if you like" Edgeworth: So, I’m not hallucinating all along. WHY...SHOULD...THEY...NOT...CALL...THE...CPS...EARLIER? I mean if the CPS can defeat the two villains, why bother go into the adventure and sacrificing every person they met? Or considering fic-Lamiroir has a death ray power, how would CPS would defeat them? Management: Death spell power and fic-Thalassa, you mean. Edgeworth: Thank you, Mr. Management. Trucy: Hmm. I wonder so. Phoenix: (Save by the skin) Quote: "Um actually King Edgeworth sir" she began "Plese... call me father" "Father could you adopt me and let me stay in your cassle forever" The good king threw back his head and laughed "Of course that would be a delight. In fact I'm not sure I would have let you leave anyway." Trucy: Hey, father. Edgeworth: Calling me that makes me more like a priest. Management: The Management highly encourage that you should be happy that you were called a Daddy because many fans have a headcanon that you are Trucy’s adoptive daddy or maybe mommy. Trucy: Oh, that’s so sweet. Edgeworth: NEXT! SLIDE! PLEASE! Phoenix: At least this story has something that the reader can agree upon. Maybe this outro is not bad after all, from the reader’s perspective. Management: Except you’re in jail, thus, no longer a legally adopted parent. Phoenix: Oh, that. Quote: "Good thing i want to stay" Trucy joked. Then Jestershoe came back to life and Trucy became princess of Edgeworthland and would one day ascend to the throne and follow in her father's footsteps and assure that Logic and Critical Thanking remained the watchwords of the land forever. Phoenix: Oh my. Another “Bring back the character alive again” cliché, I would’ve expected that. Edgeworth: Include common sense and problem-solving. Trucy: Yay! I’m the princess of the world. Quote: Edgeworth in real life stood up. "And they all lived happily ever after Edgeworth: What an uncreative way to make this style for the outro. A partner of a “dark and a stormy night”. Quote: except for those who died." Edgeworth: Uh...not going to change that. Phoenix: One way to interrupt a happy ending mood. Trucy: At least I’m a princess now. Quote: "Um..." said Trucy "And how did you like my story?" he arched an eyebrow "Was it not far supurior to that tripe you asked me to read?" "Alice is better" said Trucy "I think your story was wierd and i dont understand it" Trucy: Lucky that I have the same mindset as fic-Trucy. Phoenix: Wow, you love being a princess, then one second later, here you are. You’re really a mood changer, Trucy. Trucy: No, I’m not, Daddy! Edgeworth: Honestly, I have a comment for that at the end of the sporking session. Quote: "How dare you!" Edgeworth marched anrgily to the door. "Your grounded forever!" He stepped outside and slammed the door. But he listened at the door and heard Trucy sobbing so he opened it and peeked inside. "You know what, I changed my mind your not grounded forever" Trucy wiped her tears away and smile "Tank you Mr Edgeworth I love" Phoenix: See that? Trucy: Hmm. Edgeworth: Seeing that last statement, this Trucy would have the potentiality to start a World War 3. Management: The Management has highly encourage Mr. Edgeworth to prevent any implicit reference to any real-life scenario. Edgeworth: I don’t get it. Why is it necessary to have this scene of Trucy hating this story and fic-me grounding her? I mean it would make sense if a protagonist learns the story and tell their insight to the storyteller. Phoenix: Meh. It makes sense since this story is bad due to plot holes, incorrect spelling and grammar, and also bit bloody to make it qualify as a children's novel. But it would not make sense if the author intentionally makes the story bad in order to get Trucy’s hate. Quote: He smiled and slowly closed the door. Then he heard the sounds of car doors slamming in the driveway and went downstairs. "Oh hai Edgesowhjt" said Pheinx "I hope Trucy wasnt to much a handful" And Edgeworth told Phonics and Thalassa all about the story he told Trucy "Ahahaha." said Thalassa. "Edgeworthland sounds fun. I wanna go there." Phoenix: Nah, it’s boring, so does logic. Edgeworth: If you don't always rely on bluff and belief, logic is not boring. And also, it would be better if it’s like this. CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote: "Oh hai Edgesowhjt" said Pheinx "I hope Trucy wasnt to much a handful" “Yes, we’ve just read the story about Trucy who is venturing on an Edgeworthland, the land of pure logic and critical thinking. It’s exciting but Trucy says it’s weird, you know. "Ahahaha." said Thalassa. "Edgeworthland sounds fun. I wanna go there." Edgeworth: Ah, the power of “show, don’t tell”. Phoenix: But still you only add the statement but didn’t grammar check the whole. Edgeworth: Again, I said it would be too easy for the author. Quote: Edgeworth turned away in pain. "No... you dont..." he said. "The real Edgeworthland is a dark, cold place..." and he took his dog and went home. Trucy: Wow! The change of mood and environment. Edgeworth: You gave this story too much credit. Quote: The next day when he went to prison, Manfred von Karma assumed the position. "I'm readey to be whipped as punishment for my sins Miles" said Manfred von Karma, not daring to look him in the eyes Trucy: Ok, so in what position? Phoenix: The position where he gets to be tortured but yes, still vague. Edgeworth: It’s too bit out-of-character when Manfred von Karma accepts something like this. Quote: But instead of his usual icy glare, today Edgeworth favored his mentor with a more kindly look. He took out a book. "Actually, sir, I was thinking that today, instead of whipping you, I would read you this story Edgeworth: If that is Trucy in Edgeworthland, I’m going to say it’s torturuous. Quote: you told me when I was a child. It's called Miles in Von Karmaland" Phoenix: Pfft. HAHAHAHAHAAHAH! Edgeworth: So, you’re telling me about Miles in Von Karmaland? Trucy: Oh, so it’s going to be a von Karmaland, the land of dignity and perfection. Miles, the protagonist, and his sidekick, Daddy, or called himself the Jester-Wright, would venture to save King von Karma from the villains like...wait, who’s Manfred von Karma’s rival by the way? Edgeworth: NGOOOOHHHHHHH!! CRIME RECONSTRUCTION: CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote: Miles watched them and said, 'They are very immature and bad, they are not proper caretakers at all. I wish that Gregory and his wife were dead or in jail and that Prosecutor Manfred von Karma was my father instead.'" Phoenix: Uhh... CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote: Jester-Wright burn the men alive until there was only one left. The next morning, Jester-Wright lifted the covers and saw that his feet had been cut off. "Whoa" he said. "Why are my feet dead" "If you have the badge, whats this I took from your room last night?" And he held up Phoenix's bloody nipple. Then Miles cut off one of Jester-Wright's arms and gave it to a dove. Phoenix: Please, don’t give this story a sequel. Quote: Von Karma smiled and his eyes crinkled and happy tears streamed down his face. "Thats my favorite story" he said. Phoenix: I said no...NO! Trucy: Wait, I saw now the parallelism here. Like Trucy and his Daddy, being the villain. In that new story, Miles and his biological father, being the villain. While my Daddy’s rival is Mr. Edgeworth, probably Mr. von Karma’s rival is your father. Edgeworth: Next, just next before anyone gets this idea! (Gee, how Trucy becomes smarter.) Quote: The end Edgeworth: Thank goodness! How I never realized that this is the end of the story while ranting how going to be bad, is it? Is it, Mr. Wright? (Light on and monitor off) Edgeworth: Mr. Wright? (Trucy picking up a paper) Trucy: “Return home immediately, let’s just talk” Wait, what did I....oh. Edgeworth: Well, I guess our sporking ability gets in overrun. Trucy: I mean...I do something bad, am I? Edgeworth: Oh no, no. Well, let’s just be careful about we spoke. Trucy: Oh, I’m very sorry, Mr. Edgeworth. I didn’t mean... Edgeworth: Yes, you didn’t mean that. But hey, we survive. Trucy: Yes, just barely. Edgeworth: So, I guess I will do the honor. Trucy: You deserve it, so. Spoiler: COMMENT Commentator: Rating: COMMENTATOR'S TESTIMONY Ok, first of all. This story needs to be improved when it comes to spelling, grammar, and punctuation. There is no part of this story that would be spared from this mistake. Second, the details. I mean, provide how you describe the “land of logic and critical thinking” or any location. Also, include the outfit of the character in the Edgeworthland story. Or else, this story would become unclear and vague. Third, is the sense of the narrative. There is an existing plot hole like the CPS being the savior, the food badge, and the dove. How can you make sense of that? Fourth, it needs improvement of the character in this story like fic-Edgeworth or fic-von Karma. Fifth, if you intentionally make this story a children's novel, no blood or anything being chopped is involved. Who do you write it for? But I know this story has potential for its idea. Alright, I’m okay with the “land of logic and critical thinking” and the adventure and challenges that Trucy has faced. But it needs a re-tweaking whole of this story. However, if you don’t want to listen to my comment, probably I can say that the only thing that is good in this fiction I’m reading is without John Phoenix. Trucy: Gee, Mr. Edgeworth, that’s many things to cover. I really don’t have anything to add. Edgeworth: Agree, let’s get out before the Management knew. Trucy: Yeah. [Trucy and Edgeworth left the theatre] There we have it. The tale of the Ace Attorney gang reacting on the fiction that the fan has to offer. Is there going to be another story that needed to be suffered reading on? Well, time tells. FIN (or is it?)

Author:	Pepper Cake [ Thu Mar 17, 2022 1:58 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
SPORKING SESSION COMMENCE: SHOCK VALUE Join the sporkers in evaluating a shark-jumping thematic fiction that made shock value a prioritization while the narrative value only a mere suggestion. teh rasist turnabout wonderdude23 Rating: (10) A/N: This author was long suggested by jrdngdwn back in 2020. Promisingly, the most difficult and questionable fanfiction I have ever read. Spoiler: LEAVE IT AND THIS POST IF YOU ARE SO SENSITIVE I know this is not the place to make a comment but I have to warn you especially if you are most sensitive for themes or someone wishing only for a safe internet environment. It includes themes like homosexuality, the Holocaust, Nazi, and American politics (e.g., Donald Trump) to which I never get the ounce of sense. Also, there will be explicit NSFW which includes random sex and rapes. There's more than that which I never have the mood to mention. I have a second thought of rating the story five Sahwits because it never gets influences for others to write so horribly but the later chapters are the decisive factor in making it a Dahlia. So, it’s time for your decision: Would you step in to read it? Spoiler: YES Well, you have signed our agreement, and don’t make me say, “I never warn you”. Ok, enough talk, let’s migrate to the new theatre. CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 [IN PROGRESS...] CHAPTER 3 [IN PROGRESS...] Spoiler: NO So, that would be the end of this discussion. However, you never need to worry about not taking this up because maybe, you have made the right decision. Also, there are still any stories other than that I can spork.

Author:	Pepper Cake [ Thu Mar 17, 2022 2:21 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
DisasterInPlainSight wrote: FeenieForSmash wrote: Is the Sporking Theatre closed for good? If so, it's a crying shame because this whole thread was such a treat to read. I think it's just inactive, that's all. I didn't want this thread to be over so fast either, so I sporked a fanfic! Sorry if I'm beating a dead horse here. I'm pretty new here, but here goes nothing... WARNING: This is pretty NSFW, so it's off the site. So mods, please don't kill me... A secret told (I hope it's the right URL.) Yes, that's the right one. Cool sporking fic here! I love how the possibility that ghosts and spirits (not just Mia) would be involved in this sporking. And also the prank indeed caught me, thought the fic was short (I mean, too short). And Edgeworth, give me that T-shirt.

Author:	Pepper Cake [ Thu Mar 17, 2022 2:31 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
DisasterInPlainSight wrote: Happy Holidays! I’m putting this in a bit later, but it just so happens that my sporking is ready to be published. Fanfic: Guilty Love (Ch. 15) Inspiration: This sporking right here Rating: I love how every shenanigan gets piled up like Franziska whipping Larry, Trucy hijacking the Management, The Sporking Theatre being renamed, accusations, and medics getting involved. Nice sporking for that one.

Author:	Pepper Cake [ Sat Dec 31, 2022 4:17 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
SPORKING SESSION COMMENCE CHRISTMAS SPORKING A Very John Phoenix Christmas by atoz.squash Rating: (2.4) *Sporking Theatre* The theatre has been mysteriously decorated with glistened garlands, Christmas balls, and sparkling golden stars. There are also two Christmas trees, one on the right side and the left side on the entrance, with various colorful gifts, from small to large readily opened, making this season wholesome for the entrance of the Sporkers. Speaking of the sporkers... For this Christmas season… I will give the floor to the Sporkers on this lovely holiday. MILES EDGEWORTH "Hey, hey, it's not nice for you to wake up and decide to request us to spork right away at Christmas." TRUCY WRIGHT "This guy, again?" Edgeworth: Hmph! It seems it's you and me for now. Trucy: Well, considering Daddy has to recover from the last sporking session. Edgeworth: Yes, but for several months after? Trucy: Kind of. Edgeworth: And Mr. Justice? Trucy: Well, not feeling well. Edgeworth: But that's more than a year. Trucy: Well- Management: Wow, it quickly reminds me what will be the fate of the next sporkers for John Phoenix fanfics. Edgeworth: Management, I am hoping that none of the two of us will perish from this sporking session. Management: Don't worry. What you're sporking now is just a cakewalk. For clarification, I only need less number of sporkers for a less-number-of-word fic. Trucy: Hmm. That's what you always say before a disaster. Management: Hey, what am I going to say? I am going to drag Apollo and Phoenix in the future, so don't worry…yet. Edgeworth: Wait, what? Management: But that's the session for another day…or if it were to be existing. Trucy: (gulp) Management: Well, let's get into it. Spoiler: SPORKING Quote: A Very John Phoenix Christmas By: atoz.squash It's Christmas at the Wright Anything Agency! How will the Ace Attorney characters celebrate with their savior, John Phoenix? Rated: Fiction T - Language: English - Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Family Edgeworth: Hmph. Savior. Trucy: It seems their universe has their existing religion namely Johnnism. Edgeworth: If their Christmas is about worshipping their Gary-Stu OC, please don't call it Christmas for sanity. Trucy: Call it Johnmas. Edgeworth: Duly noted. Quote: It was Christmas time in Los Angeles. There was a big party in the Wright Anything Agency. Trucy: Logically speaking, this should have occurred on December 25 because before that date is not Christmas, if that's what my father tries to argue in court. Edgeworth: Your father has a twisted view of Christmas dates. Management: The Management encourages Sporkers to refrain from making any "almost Christmas" what-not shenanigans. Quote: There was a Christmas tree there. There were presents there. There were candy canes there. Edgeworth: I have something to say for this statement. Trucy: What was it? Edgeworth: Can you refrain from mentioning "there" multiple times? Also, please give the story a more Christmassy description rather than just a Christmas tree, present, or candy cane. Describe the Christmas tree, and describe the present. This is a party, is it not? Describe what is the meal. Describe the partygoer. Add the decoration and whatnot. Something that shouldn't restrict to visuals. What do you hear and smell at the party? Trucy: That's a good point, Mr. Edgeworth. I mean, despite it being boring, there is nothing I saw blatantly wrong. Quote: And there were John Phoenix there. Trucy: Aah. Here we go. Quote: But then a Vile Troll was there. Everyone was scared of the Vile Troll. Edgeworth: Now, I consider that this author hates trolls but that can be contradicting somehow. Trucy: I can see it as a vengeance story but what is vengeance that was directed in Uno-reverse card style? Quote: Especially Trucy Wright. Trucy: Who? Me? Scared of Vile Troll? If I was, then what am I doing right now? Edgeworth: Burned. Management: The Management informs the Sporkers to kindly spork the fic, not the author. But again, if his egotistical insertion of the game renders him his understanding and interpretation of your thoughts, I don't see the problem. Quote: "Leave, troll!" demanded Uncle Wright. "Yeah, stupid troll!" said Miles Edgeworth. Trucy: Back to this fic, I will suggest adding what vile troll did to the crews that made them get scared as adults. Be specific, if you really can. Edgeworth: Also, what troll are we referring to? You have left out who is actually the Vile Troll and the description thereof. What was "they" like? Trucy: It makes sense. The troll always reminds me of a mythological figure, not on the internet. Quote: "Ahahaha no!" said the Vile Troll. "I'm here to ruin Christmas because I got coal in my stocking! Prepare to have Christmas ruined!" Edgeworth: I don't see if the coal actually made us scared. Coal is useful for anyone as it is a source of energy and electricity. Trucy: Well, we don't have the chimney. This fic wants to make it as Christmassy as possible since integrating with coal and stuff is one of them. Edgeworth: Well, logic should be one. As an adult, there is something that I have to worry about rather than just coal. Quote: "Nrrhgghhg no!" said Miles Edgeworth. "This is worse than the time my father died in the DL-6 incident!" Edgeworth: Nrrggh! Trucy: Gee, it doesn't mean you have to collate every canon December event for this Christmas fanfic, you know. Quote: The Vile Troll saw the amazing man known as Dakoolguy AKA Lance Takumi standing there. The Vile Troll smiled like the Grinch. Edgeworth: Lance Takumi? Is this guy right now trying to impersonate a "son" of the creator? Trucy: It's Christmas, Edgeworth. It's celebrating the son of the Creator. Edgeworth: And "amazing man" sounds vague to me. Just like the Vile Troll, provide us with what Lance Takumi looks like. And no, being "popular" as you suggest doesn't mean you have to omit the description. Quote: "Hee hee hee!" said the Vile Troll. "Dakoolguy, you are an incel!" Trucy: Incel? Edgeworth: These are the guy who is very unpopular so much so that they are unable to attract women sexually. Trucy: So, is this fic's main point in the narrative that the author is not an incel? Edgeworth: I'm not surprised if this fic going to be "revolved around the author or his self-insert character". Quote: Dakoolguy started crying because it wasn't true, it was a lie! A lie on Christmas! Edgeworth: Because of how egotistical he was, it's hard to picture this author crying. Trucy: Have empathy, Mr. Edgeworth. Quote: But then Santa flew his sleigh threw the window and wagged his finger at the Vile Troll. Edgeworth: Oh boy. Santa joins the chat. Quote: "Troll, that's a lie! That's why you're on the naughty list! It's time for a trial!" Edgeworth: Well, if that's the case, then half of the Earth's population should go to the trial, which is very unfeasible to do it. Trucy: But Mr. Edgeworth, all of John Phoenix's trials only lasts for a minute. That would make it feasible. Edgeworth: That makes it more illogical. Quote: Santa was the judge. "The defense is ready," said John Phoenix. "The prosecution is ready," said the vile troll. "Okay start" said Santa. Edgeworth: Wait, if the Vile Troll is the defendant for lying on Christmas Day, how come he is a prosecutor? Also, the judge doesn't say, "hey, okay, start". They will tell the prosecutor in his or her opening statement. Quote: "Dakoolguy is an incel" said the vile troll. Edgeworth: With so many serious issues on hand, I felt hard to imagine the court is wasting time to debate whether this guy is an incel or not. Trucy: Says the guy he calls that the "ladder" is not a stepladder. Edgeworth: Trucy, no! Quote: "OBJECTION!" said John Phoenix. "But he's not. He's had sex! A lot of sex!" "NO!" said the vile troll. "YOU HAVE NO PROOF!" Edgeworth: Right, this could be interesting on what proof this author had sex. Management: Well, my crime reconstruction would answer it. CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote: Phoenix: (Is that finally it? The prosecution just proves that Dakoolguy is the only one in the room.) Judge: If the defense doesn’t have to say from this, I’m going to deliver my verdict. OBJECTION! Phoenix: (I’m not going to give up. I have to prove it in a different way) Edgeworth: So, do you have the proof to counterargue? Phoenix: Well, I have one. Judge: Wait, what’s this plastic contraption? Phoenix: This, my honor, is the client’s torn condom. Edgeworth: Wait, what is the thing doing here at the crime scene? Phoenix: It’s not in the crime scene per se. It proves that Dakoolguy has sex in the day of the crime. Therefore, he has an alibi for his crime. Edgeworth: Wait, but you can’t prove what time exactly? Phoenix: Yes, so. That’s why I have to call the baby to the witness’s stand. Judge: But what’s so special about the baby? Phoenix: That my honor, this baby is the result of Dakoolguy’s sex. The baby is technically Dakoolguy’s son. So, logically speaking, he can substantiate my client's alibi. Edgeworth: ARRGH! NOOOOOOOOOOO! Trucy: Gee. Edgeworth. Stop screaming. It’s just what-if anyway. Quote: "Yes I do!" said John Phoenix. He presented the fact that dakoolguy wasn't an incel. "As you can see, the truth will out!" Edgeworth: …Uh. But. WHAT FACT? TELL ME SPECIFICALLY! Quote: "NO, NO WOMAN WILL EVER TOUCH HIM!" "Wouldn't they? Especially during this wonderful time of the year? On Chris… Chris… Chris-mouse? Is that what you call it?" Trucy: So, this guy doesn't know about Christmas. Come on, never be a caveman and be with the trend, you know. Quote: Then Thalassa came to the witness stand and kissed Dakoolguy on the cheek. Trucy: Oh no, not my mom being a harem to this guy. I don't want this guy to be my father. EW! CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote: Trucy (in her 15-year-old self): Daddy, I’ve got an A in Algebra Dakoolguy: Yes, but John Phoenix got an A since he used calculus in solving 1+1, my girl. -- Trucy (in her 13-year-old self): Here is the money that I earned from my magic show. Dakoolguy: Yes, but John Phoenix earned more than Musk and Arnault…combined just by sitting in his office. Why can’t you be John Phoenix? -- Trucy (in her 11-year-old self): Daddy … I’ve got a fever Dakoolguy: My goodness Trucy. Look at John Phoenix, he has tuberculosis but he builds a hospital for tuberculosis single-handedly. -- Trucy (in her 9-year-old self): Daddy … I can jump this high. Dakoolguy: Yes but John Phoenix wins an Olympics gold medal at just age 5. Trucy: But he was technically 2 months old. -- Trucy: Noppity-nope. Quote: "Here is a kiss for a very special Christmas boy." He blushed a little bit. Then Lana Skye kissed him, too. "You're such a special Chrismas boy this time of year." Edgeworth: Oh no. You're not going to sully Ms. Skye on this one, are you? Trucy: Can you expand on how he is a special Christmas boy? Some speech perhaps would help me. Quote: Then every other adult woman from the Ace Attorney series who was canonically at least 20 during their introduction to the series and who were not mentally impaired or dead came and kissed him on the cheek. Edgeworth: I don't really like what I want to say. You should mention who these women are because not every reader is knowledgeable on this one. Or they are not going to waste their time researching for that. Trucy: (grabs her phone from her pocket) Edgeworth: Nope, you are not. Trucy: (places her phone back in her pocket) Quote: "NOO!" said the Vile Troll, blown back like Winston Payne. "WHAT IS THIS!" "It's a very special Christmas boy getting his just desserts on Christmas," said Dakoolguy AKA me. "It is only my due." Edgeworth: Hmm. It seems our intuitions are wrong. Dakoolguy may be the defendant here. Quote: The Judge slammed his reindeer. "I find the Vile Troll guilty!" Edgeworth: Wait, who's the defendant of this trial? Quote: The vile troll was arrested and put on death row. Edgeworth: Oh, wow. If lying will drag you to death row, then where are the 8 billion people now? Quote: "Hooray for John Phoenix!" cried Phoenix Wright, tipsy, raising his wine goblet. "Daddy! You're only supposed to drink grape juice like in Ace Attorney Part 4!" said Trucy. Edgeworth: That's a bad approach to breaking the fourth wall. What's the reason for doing that? Trucy: Does Ace Attorney part 4 should be called simply Ace Attorney 4 or Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney? But, again, we’re talking about the same guy who wishes to put his name in every Ace Attorney game title. Quote: John Phoenix did a cool dance. Edgeworth: … Trucy: Mr. Edg- Edgeworth: Nope. That's our Christmas gift to him: not sporking on his dance. (Now, a dancing John Phoenix plays in my mind rent-free). Quote: THE END Edgeworth: Finally, the end of the 500-word fic. Spoiler: COMMENT Quote: And then Larry shut his book shut. Edgeworth: What the? What's Larry doing there? Quote: "And that was my new children's story about Chistmas" said Larry Butz. "And the best part, children? Edgeworth: ... Phoenix Wright was not getting castrated in this story. Trucy: Uhh… the value of being honest? Quote: It's all true and actually happened to me. The end!" Edgeworth: Nope. Trucy: Simply no. Quote: THE END Edgeworth: Since you interrupted us with a Larry Butz storytelling cliche. Fortunately, I have to dodge you my criticism because it's Christmas but I want to ask... WHERE IS THE THEME OF COMFORT? WHAT MAKES THIS STORY APPRECIATE FAMILY VALUES? WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS CHRISTMAS STORY? All I saw is like "Hail John Phoenix, hail Dakoolguy, Dakoolguy has many wives/girlfriends, hurting trolls, non-sense trial" Simply put, this is not a Christmas story. It is, in fact, a Johnmas story. RATING: Trucy: Well, the only good thing here is that the title is consistent with the story. That’s a fact. (The light turned on, signaling the end of a sporking session) Trucy: Oh, that's it? That's what you want us to spork. Management: Well, if you want another, then I'm happy to oblige. Trucy: No, no. Edgeworth: I think it's time for us to go. Management: Oh, before you do that. I have an update on the third John Phoenix story you're going to spork. Edgeworth: Oh no, we're not going to do that. Management: According to his Twitter, he already created 45,000 words if what he says is true. So, don't get your expectation low. Trucy: (gulps) Management: But another news right is that he was banned from the fanfiction.net and their forum of the same website hit very low. Edgeworth: Oh wow. That's good news for us. No more troll fics for us to spork. Trucy: Relief. Management: Well, Merry Christmas anyway and just get out now. The sporkers left the theatre, joyfully knowing that their sporking session of John Phoenix fics is finally over. However, will this guy create another account and come back to make another fic for the Sporkers to spork? Or is he going to troll another one because of his need for approval for his self-insert character? Is there going to be a third John Phoenix novel readily to be sporked? Time will tell. FIN

Author:	FeenieForSmash [ Sat Feb 25, 2023 3:41 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Has anyone here heard of objection.lol? Maybe someone here could make some of the best sporkings on here in that format. I would find it incredibly funny. I'd do it myself, but I'm too busy.

Author:	SplilerFoiler [ Thu Feb 01, 2024 10:00 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
He's back: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/14291113/1/P ... bout-sugar

Author:	LuckyGi [ Thu Aug 22, 2024 9:43 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Hello everyone! I've been reading the sporks in this thread for the past few weeks and decided that I wanted to try my hand at creating one! I hope you enjoy! Today's Sporking: MANFRED IN CRACKLAND Rating: I don't even know where to begin with this one. I could go on all day about how bad this fic is, but to sum it up, this fic is quite possibly the purest definition of a crackfic I've ever seen. It doesn't just feel like the author was high on crack while they wrote it; it also feels like you are on crack for even reading it. Also, I'll probably have to censor a couple of words towards the end, and even more so in future chapters. Alright, now it is time to meet our wonderful sporkers! Phoenix Wright! sigh "It feels like this place will never truly go away, will it?" Maya Fey! "I just hope it isn't another lemon-fic..." Miles Edgeworth! "Let's just get this over with, shall we?" (We begin with our sporkers finding themselves back in the Sporking Theater, noticing that it looks a bit more dusty than usual. The dim lighting barely cuts through the haze of dust floating in the air, and cobwebs hang like old curtains from the corners of the room.) Phoenix: ACHOO! Ugh, when was the last time someone actually used this place? It looks like it's been abandoned for years!" Maya: "I can't believe they dragged us back in here! Couldn't they at least have cleaned up a bit? This place needs a visit from the health inspector!" Edgeworth: "Indeed. The condition of this theater is beyond unacceptable. As soon as I entered this godforsaken theater, I was immediately covered in cobwebs. I was under the impression that we had been retired from this... duty. And yet, here we are." (Suddenly, the crackle of old speakers echoes through the theater, followed by the voice of who is presumed to be the Management.) Speakers: "Welcome back, everyone. It's been a while, hasn't it?" Phoenix: "Yeah, we noticed. What happened? Did you forget we existed until now?" Maya: "And what's with all the dust? This place looks like it hasn't seen a broom in years!" Speakers: "Budget cuts. We had to let the cleaning staff go. It's amazing how much dust collects in less than two years. And as for you all, well, there's been a... revival of interest in these sporkings. So here you are." Edgeworth: "A revival of interest? Or just a lack of anyone else willing to subject themselves to this nonsense?" Speakers: "Let's just say it's a bit of both. Now, if you could all take your seats, we'll get started." (The sporkers exchange exasperated glances before reluctantly making their way to their usual seats. Phoenix plops down with a sigh, Maya fidgets in her chair, and Edgeworth sits rigidly, still brushing off the last remnants of cobwebs.) Phoenix: "This is going to be a long session, isn't it?" Maya: "At least it won't be as bad as the last time I was here... right?" Edgeworth: "One can only hope. Let's just try to survive this." (The lights dim further as the screen flickers to life, signaling the start of whatever horrors await our sporkers.) Spoiler: Quote: Hello. This is Myew-chan's sister again. I am writing lame crack 'cause I'm bored. I actually started this one a while back, but got lazy and had it postponed for a few months. Maya: "Even the author admits that this fic is lame! Maybe it won't be so bad if we lower our expectations?" Edgeworth: "On the contrary, Ms. Fey, merely acknowledging the flaws does not excuse them." Quote: DISCLAIMER: I dun own anything OF COURSE. Phoenix: "Of course you don't. But do you at least own a dictionary? Because I think we're going to need it." Edgeworth: "Clearly. But even with a dictionary, this travesty will still be unreadable." Quote: WARNING: There are lots o' stuff like 'san's and 'chan's and 'shtas' and etc. There will also be lots of weird yaoiish stuff. Crack pairings. Shtaconish stuff I think. Edgeworth "Nrgggh!" Phoenix: "Huh? 'Shtaconish.' What does that even mean?" Edgeworth: "Believe me Wright, you do NOT want to know." Maya: "I have a bad feeling we're going to find out soon." Quote:* Yea. Lets see...in this chap, there is MayaxManfred, MayaxPayne(!?),GregoryxEma, ManfredxMiles(..), etc. Phoenix: "Wait, wait, wait. Did I just read that right? MayaxManfred? MayaxPayne?! GregoryxEma?!? And... ManfredxMiles?!?!" Maya: "Why am I in this? And why am I being paired with Manfred von Karma and Payne? Who even is Payne?" Phoenix: "I think that's the name of a janitor at the Prosecutor's building, right Edgeworth?" Edgeworth: "..." Maya: "Umm, Mr. Edgeworth, are you ok?" Edgeworth: visibly twitching "This... this is an abomination of everything sacred about writing. The mere thought of these abhorrent pairings is enough to ... I can't even finish that thought." Speakers: "Please pay attention to the screen at all times, Mr. Edgeworth. You don't want to earn a punishment sporking now, do you?" Edgeworth: "This already feels like a punishment sporking, and we haven't even gone past the author's notes." Quote: I was thinking of putting NickxMiles later buuuut that's if I ever continue this story at all. Edgeworth: "Of course you would consider adding that pairing, of course." Quote: IT'S TRUE! I never planned on continueing this fic. If I get enough reviews thoouuuugh, maybe. Phoenix: "Please, no. No reviews. No continuation." Maya: "She spelled 'continuing' wrong, but honestly, that’s the least of our worries right now." Edgeworth: "Do I dare even ask if this was ever continued?" Speakers: "Two more chapters were made after this one." All: "UGH!" Speakers: "Hey, don't be like that! We'll only be sporking the first chapter today. Unless you-" All: "NO." Quote: NO FLAMES PLZ. FLAMERS CAN GO DIIIIEEEEEEEEE. Since this is crack, I guess it doesn't matter, but I get really offended by flames. D: Maya: "Well, this author clearly has some… strong feelings about criticism." Edgeworth: "Ironic. The very content of this 'crack' fic is enough to ignite flames of outrage." Phoenix: "Maybe we can keep the flames metaphorical and not literal... Edgeworth?" Quote: Once upon a time in a land faaar faaar away. In an AU land... Manfred the giddy school girl skipped happily to school with a cheerful smile on his face. "Ladidaaaaa, today is the daaaay!!" He sang giddily as he giddily waltzed into his giddy homeroom. Giddily. Phoenix: stifling a laugh "Manfred von Karma... a giddy school girl?" Maya: giggling "And they really want to make sure we know how giddy he is. They used that word, like six times just now!" Phoenix: "Perhaps I should have asked if the author owned a thesaurus as well. I need to show this writer that there are other words in the English language." Edgeworth: "This is an affront to both language and logic. Manfred von Karma as a giddy school girl? This is a mockery of both language and character." Quote: "Hee hee hee!" He laughed in his gruff voice. "My most wonderful companion, have you seen the latest CD?" Manfred's best friend, Gregory, nodded as he pushed up his glasses. "Indeed. Maya's popularity sure has sky-rocketed since her last debut." The manly school girl nodded in agreement. "She IS the hottest punk guy ever after all!!" Phoenix: "Wait, so now Gregory Edgeworth is here, and he's best friends with Manfred? And Maya's a punk guy?" Maya: "This is so confusing! Why am I suddenly a punk rockstar?" Edgeworth: "This is a nonsensical juxtaposition of characters and roles. None of this makes any logical sense." Phoenix: smirking "Maybe that's the point, Edgeworth. It's supposed to be a crackfic, after all." Edgeworth: "Crackfic or not, this is utterly ridiculous. My father's character, nor Von Karma's would never engage in such frivolous conversations." Quote: After that day of manly giddiness, Manfred went home to his wonderful rich house. He sniffed the rich roses and inhaled the air of richness around him. Franziska, his younger...relative, ran towards him. "Hey big relative! How was school?" Manfred showed his terrifying happy face to the little girl. "It was EXCELLENT. More WONDROUS than ANYTHING you could ever IMAGINE." Franny flinched. Phoenix: "I don't blame her for flinching. If von Karma smiled at me like that, I'd probably pass out." Maya: "'Big relative'? Seriously? This is gold!" Edgeworth: "Franziska would never refer to him in such an awkward manner. Nor would Von Karma ever be this... exuberant." Quote: As day quickly became night, Manfred's cute pink cell phone started to ring. 'dun dun duunn DUUUN dunDUUNDUN . . .DUNDUN. DUNDUN' "Hello?" "MANFRED this is an emergancy!" Freddy's eyes widened in anticipation. "What is it, old chum!?" "It's...it's...I just found out...I'm related to...the Feys!" GOSH how could this be!? Freddy's best friend...was related to the one and only FEY FAMILY!! "Oh em GEE. I must meet Maya! I must! I have posters of her all over my walls!" Greggy nodded in agreement. "Yes indeed." Maya: "So now Mr. Edgeworth's dad is related to my family? And Manfred has posters of me... as a punk rockstar... all over his walls?" Phoenix: "It’s like a bad dream you can’t wake up from. Also, who says 'Oh em GEE' in real life?" Edgeworth: "This entire conversation is absurd. My father and Von Karma speaking like... like teenage fangirls? It's incomprehensible." Maya: playfully "Oh come on, Edgeworth, can't you just imagine Manfred with a wall of Maya posters?" Edgeworth: "Absolutely not." Quote: Anyhow, after the spaz attack...Freddy decided to sleep and wake again in the morn. "YAAAWN." He yawned in his godzilla yawning voice. "Today, I will meet my one true love. The one and only...Punk rockstar...Maya Fey!! She even entrances the spirits of dead politicians!" Sparkling with joy, he quickly slipped into his sailor fuku and flew out the door. Phoenix: "He’s wearing a sailor fuku? And now he can fly? What is even happening here?" Maya: giggling uncontrollably "Entrancing dead politicians? This is too much! I can't stop laughing! Is that what they interpreted spirit channeling as?" Edgeworth: "Godzilla yawning voice? Entrancing dead politicians? Sailor Fuku? This... this isn’t even trying to make sense anymore." Management: "As if this made any sense in the first place." Edgeworth: penalty NGHOOOOOH! (One third of my bar...gone!) Quote: "Franny! Franny my dear! What did you make me for breakfast?" Franny looked at him from the kitchen and stared for a second. "..I made waffles." And indeed, on the table was...waffles. They towered to the ceiling! Such wonderful waffles! Covered from top waffle to bottom waffle with pure Aunt Oldbag syrup. Manfred licked his manly lips and whispered, "Come to papa you heck of a waffle you..." Phoenix: "Aunt Oldbag syrup? And waffles towering to the ceiling? I'm not even going to comment about that part at the end." Maya: "Manfred’s relationship with waffles is clearly something... special." Quote: How scarred for life Franny was, seeing Manfred eat food every day. It truly was a frightening scene...well, anyhow, school went by quickly and Manfred went home with Gregory. Maya: "I feel for you, Franny. I really do." Edgeworth: "To think, her torment does not even come from the fanfiction itself but from the mere act of observing her 'big relative.'" Phoenix: "At least this part is over. Let’s brace ourselves for what’s next." Quote: "How's your younger sibling, my dear friend?" Greg pushed his glasses up. "He's as siblingish as usual. Emitting the light of sibling glory in its gloriest moments." Manfred smiled. He enjoyed looking at the young...shtavictim-I mean sibling-of Gregory's. Phoenix: "Did they just call Edgeworth a 'shtavictim'? This is going places I really don’t want to go." Maya: covering her face "I think I’m going to be sick. This is wrong on so many levels." Edgeworth: visibly uncomfortable "This... this is entirely inappropriate. I refuse to acknowledge this nonsense!" Speakers: "Sporkers are to pay attention to the screen at all times." Phoenix: "Well, maybe some of us would rather not be forced to watch this crap!" Maya: "Yeah, I don’t want to be here anymore! Make it stop!" Speakers: "Well, too bad! We don't like this fic either, but it's our duty to spork it." Phoenix: ('Our'? But, you're the ones who chose to have this fic sporked!) Quote: After entering the wonderful Edgeworth...shackapartmenthomething...Manfred looked at young Miles. "Hello." Miles cringed. Freddy turned back to Greggy and smiled in that frightening way he smiles. "So, where's Maya Fey?" "In the living room." Now Freddy was getting reeaaally excited. Phoenix: "‘Shackapartmenthomething’? That’s a new one." Edgeworth: "I refuse to acknowledge that as part of my lexicon. And the less said about 'Freddy' being 'excited,' the better." Maya: "I don’t know what’s scarier: the words themselves or the mental images they create." Quote: Entering the living room...it was her. THE Maya Fey. In the flesh. Right before him...amazing. WOOAH. "HELLO!" He shouted aloud. Maya turned to him. "HIYA!" She spoke in her normal speaking tone. A blush came across Manfred's terrifying face as he smiled while twitching his left eye. "I am your BIGGEST FAN. And also, I think you're hawt." Maya smiled. "That's so sweeet!...I think?" She began contemplating her thinking track. Maya: "So... I'm a punk rockstar who gets hit on by Manfred von Karma? I don't know if I should be flattered or terrified. I think I’ll go with terrified." Phoenix: "I didn’t need that mental image of von Karma blushing and twitching. Ever." Edgeworth: "This depiction of von Karma is... it’s beyond parody. It’s as if someone set out to defile every aspect of his character." Phoenix: "It’s like someone took the worst fanfiction tropes and mashed them together into a single, horrifying entity." Quote: Beside her was another beautiful manwomanthing. Though in Manfred's seeing eye view, only Maya was the pretty one. This other lady was named Mia Fey. And was Maya's older sister. Who was contemplating Maya's state of sanity. Phoenix: "Yeah, if I was in Mia's shoes I'd be questioning Maya's sanity as well." Edgeworth: "It seems like Ms. Mia Fey is the only person in this fic acting reasonably." Maya: Puffing out cheeks "Hey! I know I've done some stupid things before, but I wouldn't even think of dating Manfred von Karma! Yuck!" Phoenix: "We're talking about fic-you, Maya." (Though I do sometimes question real-you's sanity as well...) Quote: Regardless of her existance, Manfred began chatting with the rockstar of his dreams...about shoes. And panda cookies. Maya: "Shoes and panda cookies? Is that what rockstars talk about these days?" Quote: Maya had taken an interest in the cool Manfred von Karma, so she decided that perhaps...he was...a love interest!? Having no taste in men(including how she had a crush on the steel samurai when younger..), she decided OK. Punk rockstar Maya Fey would go out with ugly school girl Manfred. Phoenix: "Geez, you really don't have any taste in men, Maya." Maya: "Whaaaat? I am nothing like that imposter on screen, Nick! I've never had the hots for Von Karma or the Steel Samurai!" Phoenix: (Somehow, I doubt the latter.) Quote: Back at school, the groups of manly school girls screeched in jealousy as they heard the news. Manfred had gotten with THE Maya Fey! "I'm so envious of you Manfred-chan!" "Yes! Me toooo!" Matt and Juan whimpered as Manfred skipped off with his new hot date. Phoenix: "Matt and Juan? Don't tell me they've turned into schoolgirls too!" Maya: "And why would they be jealous of 'Manfred-chan'? Don't tell me they want to date me too!" Edgeworth: rolling his eyes "I can’t imagine a scenario where anyone would envy Manfred von Karma for... dating Maya Fey." Maya: "Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?" Edgeworth: "That’s not what I—" Phoenix: sternly "Watch what you say, Edgeworth." Edgeworth: sighs deeply "I’ll be quiet." Quote: "-and then he went BAMYUUUN!!" Maya enthusiastically waved her arms around as Manfred watched in ecstacy. They held hands and skipped through flowery fields with hearts flying around them. "OOooewwwweeeeEEEEeeayaaaaaaSAAAAA!" Maya: giggling "I'm really getting into it, huh? 'Bamyuuun' and everything!" Phoenix: "Skipping through flowery fields with hearts? This is like something out of a cheesy romance novel." Quote: After returning home, they turned on the TV and sat together on the couch. Maya pet Manfred's hair while whispering, "Wow Freddy, your hair is so sooft." Manfred giggled. "Yaaan! Your so seeexy when you whisper like tha!" Strangely enough, Manfred's deep voice saying such a thing didn't quite faze Maya at all. Phoenix: "Wow Maya, you really seem to be enjoying Manfred's hair!" Maya: "Nope. No, no, no. I wouldn’t be doing that. Not in a million years." Phoenix: laughing I'm just teasing, Maya! Quote: Maya walked Manfred home after that and left. When Manfred skipped into the reading room, he found Franny reading some manga on the couch. "Fran Fran!! What are you reading if I may ask?" She looked up. "Ah! Older Relative! I was reading 'How to whip an older person'!" Freddy pat her on the head. "Good good, Fran Fran! After your done, go whip some bystanders for me, alright?" "Yeah yeah!" Franziska giggled and continued reading. Maya: laughing "'Fran Fran', really? And she's reading 'How to whip an older person'? That actually sounds like something that she'd do!" Phoenix: "At least the author got Franziska's obsession with whips right, even if everything else is completely off." Edgeworth: "I can’t decide what’s more disturbing: the nickname 'Fran Fran' or the fact that this entire interaction exists." Quote: When returning to bed, Manfred never would have guessed the horrible news that awaited him the next day. DUN DUN DUUUUN!! D: Phoenix: "Well, that’s ominous. But I’m pretty sure whatever it is, we don’t want to know." Maya: "Can it get worse? I’m almost afraid to ask." Edgeworth: "I shudder to think what else this fic has in store for us." Quote: Manfred waved to Greggy that morning as usual. "Hey Grego-" "MANFRED." ..."...what is it?" "I have terrible news!" Manfred's face contorted. "What can it be??" Gregory's face turned very serious. "It's..it's Maya. Maya..she-" Manfred grabbed Greg's shoulders and screamed, "WHAT ABOUT MAYA!? SPEAK UP MY FELLOW COUNTRYMAN!!" Greggy squeaked. "Maya's fallen in love with another!!" GASP. Manfred's face contorted some more as he let out his anger. "GUUUUAAAAARRRRARARRARAARRARAAAA" Phoenix: "What is even happening? This is like some bizarre soap opera on a very bad day." Maya: "I’m falling in love with someone else? And Manfred is having a complete meltdown over it? This is just... weird." Edgeworth: "The level of melodrama here is insufferable." Quote: After bashing his head on the nearby wall a few times, he stomped aaaall the way to the Fey manor. "Maya! What is the meaning of this!?" Maya blinked as she walked out of some room, nicely decked in black leather with her guitar strapped over her back. "Huh? Oh. Freddy! I'm so sorry but I-" "No! I won't hear it! Now tell me! Who is this other woman you've fallen for?" Phoenix: "Black leather? Guitar? This is like a bad music video from the 90s." Maya: "Hey, I think I’d look pretty cool in black leather! But... yeah, this is still really weird." Quote: Maya held back her tears as she gasped the name of her new lover. "Her name...it's...Winston Payne!" Mia, who was also in the hallway at the time, almost hurled when hearing Maya say that name. Manfred clenched his fists in anger. "GUAAAARGH!! PAYNE THAT...THAT..GRRRRRR!!" Phoenix: "Payne? Really? And why is Manfred acting like a jealous schoolgirl?" Maya: "Winston Payne... really? What did I do to deserve this?" Phoenix: Once again, Mia proves to be the only sensible person in this fic." Edgeworth: "This is a farce. A travesty of both character and plot. To pair Maya with someone like Winston Payne as a love interest is the final insult." Quote: Anyhow, Manfred walked to Gregory's house while being angsty and emo. When walking in, something caught his eye. "Gregory, old chum. Who's that?" Greg pushed up his glasses."This is my new boygirlthingfriend. I just caught em shipped in this morning." Phoenix:"'Angsty and emo'? What's next? Is Manfred von Karma going to try to write a sad, cringey poem in their diary?" Edgeworth: "The sheer lack of respect for the characterization is astounding. My father and von Karma were not 'old chums.' And as for that... last part..." Maya:"'Boygirlthingfriend'? Seriously? Why do they keep using that word? I mean, shipping is one thing, but this sounds like someone got a new toy delivered!" Phoenix: "Gregory Edgeworth and Manfred von Karma, shopping buddies! "Hey, von Karma, I just got this new... thing... from Amazon!" Edgeworth: "I assure you, my father was not in the habit of ordering 'boygirlthingfriends' online. This is utterly ridiculous." Quote: It ended up that Gregory was now dating someone by the name of...Ema Skye. He picked her up at the science museum and they got together...somehow. Phoenix: "Gregory... dating Ema Skye?" Maya: "This pairing makes no sense at all. It’s like the writer is pulling names out of a hat." Edgeworth: "This is utterly ridiculous. Ema would never be involved with someone so much older, and my father would never engage in such behavior." Phoenix: "Yeah, Ema was a baby when your father died! This pairing is just so weird." Quote: Ema smiled at them and waved. "Hiiiii! You must be Manfred! I heard about you from my dearest Greg" She smiled in a somewhat insane manner. Manfred held up a thumbs up towards his great buddy and grunted, "You caught a pretty good one there." Greg pushed up his glasses as a response. Phoenix: "This is just getting creepier. Ema’s acting like she’s lost her mind." Maya: "That smile is seriously creepy... I’m getting more and more uncomfortable." Phoenix: "And Manfred is giving thumbs up for it? Though, I guess that kinda makes sense, as Von Karma was also giving a creepy smile earlier in the fic." Maya: nervous laughter "They're the creepy smile twins! Hah hah..." Quote: Ema suddenly stood up and gawked at him. "Omg...do you like SCIENCTIFIC EXPERIMENTS!?" "I'm sorry, but I'm not into science." Ema's expression after that reply turned into something between shock and the verge of tears. "H-how can anyone not like science...I...I'll try to get along with you Manfred but...I JUST CAN'T BEAR TO HEAR ANYONE DENY SCIIEEEEEEEEEENCEEEEEEE!!" She ran out the door sobbing, breaking a few pots on the way out. "Look what you've done Manfred. My girlfriend just left because of you." "I AM SORRY COMPANION, but I am not a liar!" Greg nodded. "I suppose you only did what you had to." Phoenix: "She’s breaking pots and having a meltdown over someone not liking science?" Edgeworth: "This is an affront to Ema's character. None of this has any grounding in reality or the games. Ema is a serious forensic scientist, not some unstable... thing. Speakers: "The Management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth that breaking the fourth wall is against the sporking theater's guidelines." Edgeworth: "Fine. I'll comply." Quote: A few minutes after that strange occurence, Miles walked into the room. Upon seeing Freddy, fear crossed his face and he turned to leave. Just then, Manfred called out, "Oh! Little Miles! It's good to see you again!!" Miles turned slowly and tried to avoid eye contact. "Uh...huh..." Greg pushed up his glasses in a dissapointed manner. "Miles, that's no way to treat a guest!" Miles let out a sound of discontent and said, "Sorry...uh..." He looked up at Manfred, still avoiding eye contact. "..Hi." Phoenix: "Edgeworth, are you okay? This is getting really messed up." Maya: worried "Yeah, this part with young Miles is seriously unsettling." Edgeworth: visibly tense "I... I’m fine. Let’s just get through this." Quote: When looking at Miles for a second time that day, something came across Manfred. That young boy...was awfully...something Manfred couldn't explain with words. He just wanted to tackle and do non-cnsensual things to that young boy right then and there. Phoenix: "What!? No, this is going way too far! This is disgusting!" Maya: "That’s... that’s not okay! How can someone write this and think it’s funny?" Edgeworth: fuming* "This is an abomination. It’s repulsive and unforgivable. I cannot—" Speakers: "Edgeworth! Please try to contain yourself." Edgeworth: seething "NO! This is beyond what anyone should tolerate. This... filth—" Phoenix: (Geez, I don't think I've ever seen Edgeworth this angry before! I don't really blame him though...) Edgeworth: To depict such vile intentions is unconscionable. I demand this travesty end immediately!" Speakers: "Please remain seated, Mr. Edgeworth. We only have a couple more paragraphs until it ends." Maya: "We can get through this, Mr. Edgeworth! Nick and I are here to support you!" Edgeworth: deep breath "Alright, lets end this monstrosity." Quote: Unfortunantly for Manfred, Miles sort of figured out what he was thinking when looking at that...expression on Manfred's face. Miles started panicking and ran into his room. Greg pushed up his glasses. "I wonder what that was all about." Manfred sighed and looked at Greg, saying, "You know, old chum...I suddenly find your young sibling extremally attractive and would like to mlest him someday." Greg was taken aback by Freddy's coment. "Uhh...you do know that he's only in elementary school, right?" Phoenix: covering his face* "This is just wrong. So, so wrong." Maya: "I feel like I need to take a shower after this. This is just... awful." Edgeworth: "I cannot comprehend how anyone could think this is acceptable. This is truly the nadir of fanfiction." Quote: Manfred stood in an abnormaly dramatic position at that moment. "Of course I know that. I know this love is forbidden! BUT I CAN CROSS ANY BOUNDARY FOR I AM MAAANFREEED!! GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGHGHHH!! All: "..." Maya: "Is... is it over?" (The lights turn back on, signaling the end of the sporking session.) Phoenix: "I think that was one of the the worst things we've ever had to watch." Maya: "How can someone even come up with something like that? It was just... sickening." Phoenix: "The only thing off the top of my head that I can think that was worse than this was 'Stiff'." Edgeworth: "This fic... it's an abomination. It offends every moral sensibility. The idea that someone would not only write such drivel but also be proud of it is beyond comprehension." Phoenix: "I agree, Edgeworth. That part with you and Manfred... it was revolting. No one should have to see something like that." Maya:"Are you okay, Mr. Edgeworth? That... must have been really hard for you." Edgeworth: "Hard? It was intolerable. The mere suggestion that Von Karma would harbor such perverse thoughts is an insult to everything I know. And with my younger self, no less... it's repugnant." Speakers: "Your discomfort is noted. But remember, sporkers, you are here to endure these fics, not to complain about them." Phoenix: "Endure? We’ve just watched one of the most vile things ever written, and you expect us to just move on?" Maya: "Yeah! How can you make us sit through something like that and then just expect us to be okay with it?" Speakers: "Your job is to spork, not to just question the content. Consider it... a part of the challenge." Edgeworth: "Challenge or not, there are limits to what should be tolerated. This fic crossed every line imaginable." Phoenix: "I think we all need a break after that. I don't even want to think about what might be in the next chapter." Speakers: "Actually, you all may not need to revisit this fic." Edgeworth: "What do you implying?" Speakers: "As you may know, this was my first ever time as a part of the 'Management' of this theater. My inexperience may lead to me making a few mistakes, choosing this fic for you to spork is perhaps one of them. However, that doesn't mean that this fic would be gone forever. I believe this would make an excellent punishment sporking, especially for you Miles." Edgeworth: "Do not refer to me by my first name." Speakers: "Anyway, I believe that you could consider this fic as a 'warm-up' of sorts. The next sporking could be a lot more tolerable than this one." Maya: "Could? What do you mean by 'could'?" Speakers: "I'm thinking of doing another 'special' in celebration of the AAI Collection being released. Though, I'm not sure if that will come to fruition." Phoenix: "Oh no... Not another Kink Meme Special." Speakers: "Actually, this won't be a Kink Meme Special. Apparently there's not many King Meme prompts for Investigations characters. This will just be a regular special focused on Investigations characters." Maya: "A regular special? I don't think we've ever had a special not based on the kink meme!" Phoenix: "Well, that's at least one good thing..." Edgeworth: sighs "I assume this means that I will be present for this 'special'?" Speakers: "Of course. You are the 'spork bitch' after all." All: collective groan Phoenix: "We should get out of here while we still have our sanity." Edgeworth: "Agreed. Let’s leave before they decide to change their minds." (The three of them stand up from their seats, exhaustion and frustration evident in their movements. The theater doors creak open, and they slowly make their way towards the exit.) Phoenix: "Edgeworth, I don’t envy you. But if they try to drag us into another one of these sporkings, we’ll find a way to fight back." Maya: "Yeah! They can’t keep treating us like this. We’ll figure something out." Edgeworth: "Perhaps... but it seems that as long as we’re in this theater, we’re at their mercy." (The three exchange a knowing look, the weight of their predicament settling in.) Phoenix: "Let’s just get out of here. I don’t want to think about what’s next." (They step through the doors into the corridor, the oppressive atmosphere of the theater finally lifting as they leave it behind. As they walk away, the heavy doors close behind them with a final, echoing thud.) Maya: "You know, maybe we should go get burgers or something... Just to get our minds off of all this." Phoenix: "Good idea, Maya. I think we all need a little normalcy after this nightmare." (Edgeworth nods silently, clearly still processing the ordeal. The three of them walk away from the theater, their footsteps growing quieter as they leave the horror behind; at least, for now.) So, what do you think of it? Please give me criticism so I can learn what to work on! For example, I had a hard time determining if the sporkers should laugh at the absurdity of the fic, or be horrified. I also think that I may have made the sporkers overreact at times. Like the management said, I probably won't continue sporking this fic unless a punishment sporking is needed. This fic was hard to spork, not because of a lack of things to spork, but because there was so much that it was overwhelming. I hope you all (the five people who still use this forum ) have a great day! UPDATE: I probably won't be doing the AAI special after all. I won't say much, but a lot has come up in my life, and i don't have the time to finish writing it. I finished about half of it, which is 1.5/3 fics i was planning on sporking. I might post it as a standalone for the one I finished and finish the one i was writing, but no promises.

Author:	Pepper Cake [ Mon Jan 13, 2025 3:30 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
SPORKING SESSION COMMENCE THE ANOMALY OF HURT COMFORT FICTION uncle phoenix tries to kill himself (trigger warning) (hurtcomfort) Rating: (3.2) *Sporking Theatre* At long last, is it finally the time for the infamous OC John Phoenix to apologize to his uncle, Phoenix Wright? Before that, let us give our hands of appreciation and respect to our wonderful sporkers who will endure another John-Phoenix fanfiction. TRUCY WRIGHT “Hey, hey, I thought we were now moving on from this whole “John Phoenix” disaster” MILES EDGEWORTH “If there is something I learned from the past months, I should be awarded ‘Best Sporker Attendance.’” And unfortunately, since Phoenix Wright calls in “sick”, we would like to recognize the figure, the legend, the hero, who will be representing Phoenix Wright… Welcome back! PHOENIX WRIGHT “Hey, I thought we finished this one. And why is my tag name Phoenix Wright?” Trucy: Polly, welcome back! It has been a long since we sporked together, huh? Phoenix: Hey, Trucy. I can’t believe I will return to this place, let alone sporking John Phoenix. Edgeworth: Yeah, I don’t know where I can start. And I’m not sure if this is a theatre anymore or an under-utilized warehouse where we are “kidnapped” and forced to endure another crappy fiction. Trucy: Indeed, the last time I visited here, it was decorated with holiday Christmas decorations. What just happened? Speaker: Ahh, welcome back, Ace Sporkers! Phoenix: Yes! Also, there is one issue there. My tag name is Phoenix Wright, but not my name. Can you fix it? Edgeworth: And think of it, since you’re here, what’s this news and update about John Phoenix this time? Speaker: Alright, that’s too many questions. Where should I begin? First of all, let’s just say I’m too poor to fund and operate this theatre, so I’m more of a seasonal part-time manager here as the utility staff and operators have already left a long time ago. Trucy: Oh, it makes sense. Speaker: And second, let’s just say it’s my emergency protocol that your name tag is Phoenix Wright since our story revolves around the character Phoenix Wright. Phoenix: And you don’t drag Mr. Wright in here. Speaker: Well, we wanted to. But given your lack of appearance in the John-Phoenix fic sporking session, we thought it would be our opportunity to have you attend without any questions. Phoenix: Wait, what- Speaker: About our updates about John Phoenix, they are still there with his OC John Phoenix, of course. Edgeworth: Hmm… Phoenix: Manag- Speaker: So, any further questions? Phoenix: Hey, abo- Speaker: Good. Sit down and enjoy! (The theatre goes dark, and the projector is already set. It leaves the sporker to gulp and sit in the dusty theatre seats, not knowing what would happen next.) Spoiler: Quote: uncle phoenix tries to kill himself (trigger warning) (hurtcomfort) Phoenix: Huh, no wonder this story revolves around Mr. Wright. Speaker: Ah, yes, pretend that you are Mr. Wright next time since Mr. Wright is crucial in this fiction. Trucy (worrying): Daddy … tries to kill himself? Edgeworth: Well, it is John Phoenix fiction, where that egoistic OC constantly bullies the turnabout spiky-headed lawyer, so no wonder why Mr. Wright becomes suicidal. But what makes it interesting is categorizing this story as hurt-comfort fic. Quote: Uncle Phoenix tries to kill himself, can John Phoenix save him? This story is dedicated to all the HATERS who say John Phoenix stories aren't real stories. Well what do you call this, it's a real story with hurt/comfort in it that I wrote MYSELF. This PROVES John Phoenix stories are true and that John Phoenix stories are the best part of Ace Attorney! GO JOHN PHOENIX GO! Trucy: Boo John Phoenix Boo! Edgeworth: Ahh, a hurt-comfort fic! I’m hoping this story has to be somewhat like John Phoenix realized his mistake and has to apologize to Mr. Wright. Phoenix: Real story, pfft! If this was a real story, why is this published on Fanfiction.net instead of adding to the game like Ace Attorney 7 if you are the son of the game creator? Speaker: The Management advises Mr. Wright not to give the original author a messy idea. Quote: One day Uncle Phoenix was sad because his nephew, John Phoenix, was better than him in every way. Uncle Phoenix was sad in court because he lost his case and his defendant was found not innocent. Edgeworth: Of course, John Phoenix is better … in “cheating” courts since he has so much supernatural, magical power that I cannot comprehend to enumerate all as if he is the omnipotent god of all things imaginable. Trucy: Hmm. If I remember, he has a magical badge. He has psychic powers, telepathy powers, and also some kind of fighting powers. Phoenix: At this point, this author diminishes Mr. Wright in every way possible. Speaker: The Management would like to advise the red-pepper boy to stay in character as Mr. Wright. Anything that is off-character will be expected with dire consequences. Phoenix: Red-pepper boy? … Fine! This author diminished me in all ways possible, happy? Trucy: (laughing) Speaker: The Management advised Ms. Wright not to download the John Phoenix fiction on your phone and to search the term “power” to enumerate all of John Phoenix’s powers for sanity. Trucy: Huh, how did you- Quote: That made Phoenix Wright sad. He cried 1 tear. Edgeworth: Please replace it with “He shed a tear.” Phoenix: Since when was a tear being quantified? Additionally, what does one tear mean? One teacup of tears or one 250 milliliters of tears? Trucy: I, Mr. Wright, cried 250 milliliters of tears. Quote: "Uncle Phoenix how could you let the truth be lost!" said his client. "I don't know" said Uncle Phoenix. Phoenix: Since when has a client called him Uncle Phoenix? Speaker: (glares) Phoenix: (sigh) Why does a client call me Uncle Phoenix? We’re not compadres, you know. Quote: He cried 2 tear. Edgeworth: Please, for a writer’s sake, can you at least write two to three sentences that tell how he feels internally, not just physically crying? This simple statement does not capture the audience’s empathy for the character. Phoenix: Yeah, it’s as if the story bullies him… I mean me! Trucy: I, Mr Wright, cried another 250 milligrams of tears. That makes it a total of 500. Edgeworth: Argh, Ms. Wright, please don’t give the author a wrong idea. Quote: "You swine!" said the client when he was dragged away. "A defense attorney isn't supposed to cry according to Mia Fey, your mentor! And yet you cry 2 big tears?" "That's because... an ace attorney is only supposed to cry when it's all over." Phoenix: Of course; how does this client know about him- my mentor, Mia Fey? Trucy: For the most important question, how does the client know the quote? Edgeworth: Well, a right quote for here is, “The only time a lawyer can cry is when it's all over.” And you make it as if crying is required! Quote: He closed his eyes and cried 3 big tear. "But now... it's all over..." Trucy: I, Mr Wright, cried another 250 milligrams of tears. That makes it a total of 750. Phoenix: Trucy, stop. Edgeworth: "Cried 3 big tears" with an extra s. You make Mr. Wright’s crying supposed for a comedic fic rather than for a hurt-comfort fic. Quote: Uncle Phoenix went to the office and called Iris. Edgeworth: Of all the people he can call, he chose to call Iris despite their complicated relationship. Phoenix: Unless this author magically fixed their relationship for the story's sake. Quote: "Iris remember how you were my love interest in the final game in the original trilogy? AKA Trials and Tribulations? And it was revealed you weren't actually Dahlia Hawthorne but her sister instead? Do you still love me?" Trucy: Wow, what a classic way of unnecessarily breaking the all-time fourth wall. Edgeworth: Is this author desperately making it like Phoenix slash Iris ship fiction by making Iris Phoenix’s contact in his lowest time? Phoenix: Hopefully, we’ll find out sooner. Quote: "I'm sorry... but I don't. Edgeworth: Ahh, that answers a question. (drinking a tea) Quote: I'm in love with Furio Tigre now. Edgeworth: (coughs a tea) Quote: He's like you but better. But we can still be friends." "No... that would hurt too much... So you have no feelings for me at all anymore...?" "I'm sorry, Uncle Feenie. But I don't think so." Phoenix: Wow, what a classic way of debuffing Mr. Wright as worse than that loser loan shark. Speaker: (ahem) Phoenix: Oh, what a classic way of debuffing me by comparing that Furio Tigre is better than me. Edgeworth: Of all the people Iris can be attracted to, am I not wrong to say that Furio Tigre is in prison for murder? Trucy: But Iris is also in prison as an accomplice. Edgeworth: Still, being emotionally attractive to a loud and manipulative loan shark just because he is a bit more handsome than Phoenix Wright is at an all-time low. Quote: Uncle Phoenix called Edgeworth next. Edgeworth: Ahh, now I am joining in this chat. Trucy: Still, you are the most logical people my Daddy would call, even in his lowest time, than Iris. Edgeworth: Hmm, fair enough. Quote: "Hey Edgeworth I heard you're my best friend and that I became a lawyer in Ace Attorney 1 which isn't called anything, it's just called Ace Attorney 1. Do you still want to be my best friend and go do something fun?" Phoenix: Lo and Behold, the worst way to break a Fourth wall is without realizing they broke the Fourth wall. Edgeworth: Even so, Mr. Wright doesn't have to mention Ace Attorney 1. It makes a story too artificial at this point, and even a cup of noodles becomes a losing competitor here. Phoenix: Don’t bring my past college financial status here, Mr. Edgeworth! Trucy: I mean, besides that, after one year, I did hope that he gets your characterization, Mr. Edgeworth. Quote: But Edgeworth was busy forging evidence and didn't answer. Trucy: Oof, I take it back. Edgeworth: Nrghh! This author is debuffing me into an evidence forger, the worst of the worst criminals. And I’m not sure, at this point, if this author, at least, plays a game or perhaps researches a game. Quote: Uncle Phoenix got a rope and tried to hang himself in the closet Trucy: … That’s too sudden. Edgeworth: Can someone please remind this author that suicide is the very, very last resort here? To write an emotional story, try to make an everyday scene of Mr. Wright depressing. Try to make a scene in which Mr. Wright tries to survive but suffers along the way, which pushes him to kill himself. Phoenix: But, looking at the bright side, at least with Mr. Wright, I mean, if I died, I would never be smeared further by this story. And with this sudden death, we don’t need to read all crappy depression scenes. Edgeworth: Anyways, let’s just hope that someone doesn’t- Quote: but then John Phoenix appeared and saved him! Edgeworth: Oh, for the love of… Trucy: Teh-teh-teh-badum-John Phoenix to the rescue! Phoenix: Even any movie introductory song wouldn’t capture his crappy made-up heroism. Speaker: Ahem, the Management advises all of you to spork the character's attempt death, not to celebrate it just because it would no longer sully the character itself. Quote: "Uncle Phoenix! What are you doing, you fool? You can't kill yourself!" "Leave me alone, John Phoenix! It's my choice!" Edgeworth: Well, I can’t question this one because it is sometimes what people would ask the suicidal person. Quote: John Phoenix punched him. Edgeworth: Now, that is too much, so much that you might as well kill a person before the person kills himself. Trucy: Oh boy, even John Phoenix can’t spare his egoistic personality, even towards Daddy in his lowest times. Phoenix: It makes sense if Phoenix Wright is adamant and stubborn. But this guy is so short-tempered that the one millisecond after Mr. Wright said that he wanted to kill himself, this guy punched him. Not slap him or just hit him or bump him like normal people do. Quote: "Your choice? I don't think so. Too many people are counting on you." "So what? If someone is miserable, they shouldn't be forced to live just to make other people's lives better. So why shouldn't I, if I want to?" "Because I, John Phoenix, need you, and I will beat you to death if you try this again!" Trucy: Wow, threatening a suicidal person to the point of beating him to death if he attempts it again is an all-time low. It would just defeat the purpose of not making Daddy kill himself. CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote: -- CRIME RECONSTRUCTION –- "Because I, John Phoenix, need you, and I will beat you to death if you try this again!" Then, Phoenix Wright has an idea to cheat life. Phoenix Wright gets a pistol and then aims against his head. But before he pulls the trigger. John Phoenix beat Uncle Wright to death for doing it again. The ghost of Uncle Wright appears and says, “lmao” :). (that’s how you cheat life against John Phoenix XDXD). The End Edgeworth: Like, what else would John Phoenix need from Phoenix Wright? He has so many powers, talents, and tricks. But it's fine if that is how you write an “empathetic” story for your OC. Quote: Uncle Phoenix reached for a full bottle of Cold Killer X and opened his mouth like Pacman Phoenix (sarcastic): Wow! Comparing the suicidal scene to a Pacman is really that depressing. Keep it up by comparing every sad and depressing scene to a joyful video game so that it would capture the sympathy of the character from the reader. CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote: -- CRIME RECONSTRUCTION –- Uncle Phoenix reached for a full bottle of Cold Killer X and opened his mouth like Pacman. Uncle Phoenix burn himself like how a fireball was hitting Mario. Uncle Phoenix crashed by a car that speeds like Sonic from Sonic the Hedgehog. Uncle Phoenix gets rolled over by a truck like a protagonist in Donkey Kong gets rolled over by the barrel. Uncle Phoenix shot himself like how Manfred von Karma shot Gregory Edgewort- Edgeworth: Nope, we’re not passing at this point, whatever the latest gizmos Management created. Speaker: Hehe! Quote: but John Phoenix slapped it away and ripped his hair out. Phoenix: Please just let the guy suffer himself rather than you suffering him. Speaker: Uhh… Phoenix: Please let me spork this guy without your damning interruptions. Speaker: Alright, jeez. Quote: "Uncle Phoenix, listen. You are my mentor and have been the most important figure in my life since my mother died. And I am your apprentice. Without you, I could have never become an ace attorney. All: … Edgeworth: Please, tell me I don’t misread something. Quote: “Without you, I could have never become an ace attorney.” - John Phoenix to Phoenix Wright Edgeworth: What a clown-to-clown conversation that would even beat the convention in the entertainment industry. Speaker: Ahem, let me show all this proof that John Phoenix castrated Mr. Wright in the past fiction. CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote: -- CRIME RECONSTRUCTION –- “John Phoenix was brooding. He was ignoring his Uncle Phoenix because he was brooding. And because, frankly, his uncle was exceedingly simple-minded and slow when compared to himself. True, to the average person Phoenix Wright might seem like a bright boy, but when compared to John Phoenix, Phoenix Wright could barely be classified as sentient.” (The Adventures of John Phoenix, Chapter 10) But the ringtone wasn't the Steel Samurai theme song, it was the Jammin' Ninja theme song because John Phoenix liked the Jammin' Ninjatheme better and he had forced Uncle Phoenix to make it his ringtone. (The Adventures of John Phoenix, Chapter 12) "Shut up," John Phoenix snapped. "Shut your mouth, Uncle Phoenix. You're being stupid. Also, irrelevant." The Adventures of John Phoenix, Chapter 13) "Objection," said John Phoenix. "Uncle Phoenix, you are stupid. Your objection is hardly an objection. (The Adventures of John Phoenix, Chapter 14) "Get your hand off the glass, Uncle Phoenix," replied John Phoenix impatiently, eyes closed. "I am NOT going to place my hand over your hand. Not even if there's a partition between us. Get real." (The Adventures of John Phoenix, Chapter 21) "What I wanna know, is who the heck my father is!" he said. "Absolutely no cares about that, Uncle Phoenix," replied John Phoenix. (The Adventures of John Phoenix, Chapter 31) Edgeworth: Arrgh! You don’t have to present every scene where John Phoenix castrated Mr. Wright. Phoenix: But even when John Phoenix says Mr. Wright is his mentor, his egotistic action does not reflect his respect and honor for his mentor Trucy: Especially his close ones. Quote: Tell me, what is this latest lesson meant to impart? What if John Phoenix were to take this lesson to heart, and to follow in the footsteps of his mentor- and make the same choice?" Trucy: Oh, now, John Phoenix is harshly lecturing him besides actually empathizing with him about the reason why he attempts to kill himself. Phoenix: He is doing the opposite: demanding Mr. Wright to empathize with damn John Phoenix. Trucy: You’re right. Once an egoist, always an egoist. Edgeworth: John Phoenix forgot that people have the free will to decide independently, not just rely solely on mental conditioning from their mentors and parents. Quote: No... no! A world without John Phoenix? That thought... it's too horrible to bear! "But John Phoenix- the world needs you!" "And I need you, Uncle Phoenix. Maybe you don't want to live for other people's happiness- so don't. Live, choose life, in the moment, for even just that one feeling you feel towards me now. Edgeworth: Pause, please highlight this one statement. Quote: “And I need you, Uncle Phoenix.” Edgeworth: That’s why “tool” was created, as a means to someone’s ends. In other words, you need him as a means to your end. Phoenix: The only feeling Mr. Wright would feel towards him is hatred. Heck, it is on-character for Mr. Wright if there is a story wherein Mr. Wright tries to hang or poison this damning toxic guy whose clothes has the same color as the Grinch. Speaker: Are you, Mr. Wright, giving the author a potential idea of the story? Phoenix: Wait, no, that’s not what I meant! Quote: Even if it's ephemeral, choose life for this moment. And if the time comes, find that feeling within yourself again, perhaps not for me, perhaps for someone or something else, perhaps even yourself. Trucy: This is the only instance in which John Phoenix says hopeful “speech” about him. Edgeworth: And the first time to say such an unfamiliar word. And it is ephemeral. Phoenix: Hmm, is it defined as eternal? Edgeworth: No, it is the opposite, Mr. Justice. Phoenix: Oh, John Phoenix being nice to his uncle is an example. One thing that I would not hope for. Quote: You see only a closed door- Edgeworth: Alright, the point is… Quote: but I, John Phoenix, see an open window." Edgeworth: Pardon? Trucy: Is this guy trying to tell us that Daddy is more narrow-minded than himself? Phoenix: And that ends the once-in-a-lifetime portion of John Phoenix being nice to Mr. Wright. Back to you! Edgeworth: … This statement damages the fic’s theme of hurt comfort. Quote: He used his psychic powers to open a window. Edgeworth: … And the next statement destroys the fic’s theme. Trucy: Huh, rubbing the wound by showcasing your psychic power to the depressed mentor is an ultimate low. The author makes it seem like it hurts Daddy and comforts this author’s OC. Phoenix: This guy misses the point of writing comfort fic, admittedly. Quote: "John Phoenix... thank you. You are my nephew." "And you are my uncle." He gave Uncle Phoenix a psychic hug. Edgeworth: What’s with the “psychic” stuff in this story? It implies that John Phoenix does not want to hug his “mentor”. Trucy: Come on! Don’t be a mean tsundere. What happens to your nice side, huh? Phoenix: (trying so hard to visualize the “psychic hug”) Quote: Edgeworth popped up outside the window and smirked logically. "Hmph... you did it, John Phoenix. I knew you would. Thank you for saving Uncle Phoenix." Phoenix: Does it also imply that Mr. Edgeworth already knows that Mr. Wright attempted to kill himself? Edgeworth: And why would I need to climb to this office? Trucy: You’re even smirking even when my Daddy is depressed. Edgeworth: Huh? I wouldn’t do such a thing! Quote: "No problem, Miles. Finish forging that evidence?" Edgeworth held up a folder. "Yes, with this forged evidence, we should be able to get Wright's client from the beginning of the story found innocent." Edgeworth: What’s with this story making me a villainous evidence forger? Phoenix: Prolly a person who has yet to play Ace Attorney. And aside from that, using forged evidence to make up for Wright’s lost case? Are you kidding me? Trucy: Not only do you smirk, but you forge evidence without hesitation. You really should be ashamed of it. Edgeworth: What? I would not even do such a thing! Speaker: Tsk, tsk, it’s time to penalize Mr. Edgeworth. Edgeworth: Nrggh, NOOO! (My confidence meter!) Quote: Uncle Phoenix chuckled. "Well, this is great! It looks like everything worked itself out." "Yes... except for exposing the true murderer!" said John Phoenix. He pointed at the rope. Trucy: Daddy, how could you? You even agreed to let these two forge evidence to let your client be found innocent. Edgeworth: Hmm … Oh, yeah, Mr. Wright, I don’t tolerate such behavior. Phoenix: Wha-HUH? I am not Mr. Wright; I am Apollo Justice! Trucy: Oh, can you disprove that your tag name is “Phoenix”? Phoenix: Nrgh! If I were Phoenix in this story, I would rather slap these two for tolerating this act. Trucy: Did you hear that, Mr. Edgeworth? He wants to slap your face! Speaker: It’s time to penalize Mr. Ap- I mean Mr. Wright! Phoenix: … You know what? Let’s just move on! Quote: He pointed at the rope. "Uncle Phoenix doesn't know how to tie knots. Therefore, someone planted that there to induce my beloved Uncle to commit suicide!" Phoenix: Oh boy, here’s go with the shark-jumping plot of the existence of someone responsible for pushing Uncle to commit suicide! Edgeworth: This should not mixed with the supposed hurt-comfort fic. Trucy: I agree. Quote: He opened the closet and found Dylan. "Damn you John Phoenix! I knew I couldn't kill you, but I thought I could kill your uncle!" "You thought wrong, you stupid bitch. Die!" Trucy: Dylan? Hmm, I try to remember if we did spork him, but- Edgeworth: Management? Speaker: Do you expect me to know such unnecessary details after years? Phoenix: What about we just assume we don’t know this guy? Let's move on so we can finish this story. I don’t need to know and be reminded who this irrelevant, non-playable character is and who appears out of nowhere in this story! Quote: He was about to kill Dylan but Dylan has super powers from when John Dragon used the healing crystal on him and he evaporated into smoke and disappeared. Edgeworth: What just happened? Trucy: John Dragon? Speaker: From what I remember, he is the main antagonist of John Phoenix’s story. Phoenix: Regardless of whether I know this NPC, I don’t think this portion of the story deserved a comment from us. Edgeworth: Hmm, fair enough. And at least this author does not waste his time writing an irrelevant fight between them. Quote: "A shame," said Edgeworth. "But I know we'll get him someday. And how are you, Wright?" Edgeworth: Does this also imply that this author tries to continue the story? Speaker: The Management advised you not to give the author another story idea. But for the second thought, this might be another opportunity for another sporking session. Phoenix & Trucy: Heck, NO! Quote: But Uncle Phoenix didn't say anything. He just cried 1 tear. Trucy: Another 1 liter of tear released by Daddy. Phoenix: This author has to pay attention to the importance of inserting quantitative units in his science class, or else, the physicist would be facepalmed with the lack of it. Edgeworth: If you only give an effort, please replace “1” with ‘one”. Just spell out the one-digit number; thank you very much. Quote: But he was smiling. This time, the tear was mixed with Happy. Trucy: Mixed with 25% Disgust and 40% Anger upon reading this story. Edgeworth: Since when has emotion become a chemical? Phoenix: A chemist would facepalm at this point. Quote: THE END Edgeworth: Finally! Trucy: At long last, all the sporkers cry one tear mixed with 100% Happiness. Phoenix: Please, stop. … … Phoenix: Hello, if I’m not mistaken, this is the end of the story. So, can you turn on the light and please be on the way? Speaker: Oh, about that, there is a rule for all Management to make sure that the characters included in this Sporker Session have to appear in the fic in question. And since Trucy and Apollo never appear in this fiction… Trucy: Huh, I have never heard of such a law that recommends this. Phoenix: What? Why am I included? I am Phoenix Wright; even my name says that I am. (Of course, I’m lying. Who in this world likes to be reprimanded by the Management?) Speaker: I think I did warn you about the consequences if you don’t abide by my rules. I will also present you with some violations you committed during the sporking. CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote: -- CRIME RECONSTRUCTION -- Speaker: The Management would like to advise the red-pepper boy to stay on-character as Mr. Wright. Anything that is off-character will be expected with dire consequences. --- Phoenix: It makes sense if Mr. Wright says there is no hope multiple times or is adamant. But this guy is so short-tempered that the one time that Mr. Wright said that he wanted to kill himself, this guy punched him. Not slap him or just hit him. --- Phoenix: Does it also imply that Mr. Edgeworth already knows that Mr. Wright attempted to kill himself? --- Phoenix: Wha-HUH? I am not Mr. Wright, I am Apollo Justice! Phoenix: Oh, I … Speaker: Since Trucy does not appear in this story, and Apollo did say that he is Apollo Justice, who was not also in the story, let me guide you on walking down memory lane of how John Phoenix castrated all of you. Trucy & Phoenix: NOOO! CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote: -- CRIME RECONSTRUCTION –- TRUCY WRIGHT: Then let's be the sirens ourselves! DETECTIVE GUMSHOE: Good thinking! Whee ooh whee ooh whee ooh! TRUCY WRIGHT: Whee ooh whee ooh whee ooh! [Sounds of incompetent detective and obnoxious child imitating police sirens] (The Adventures of John Phoenix, Chapter 29) --- Apollo Justice was sharing his cell with Kyle Hyde and Dylan Fitchar. Apollo was extremely thin and diseased looking. He had a huge dirty beard that dragged behind him on the floor. All his teeth had fallen out and he was bald now. His spine had collapsed from lack of vitamins so now he was only 4'10", even shorter than Trucy. (The Adventures of John Phoenix, Chapter 26) Phoenix: … Now, I totally hate him. Trucy: … I want to punch him for hating my Daddy and all of us. And why is it my fault for not appearing in this story? Trucy: Management, you don’t have to remind us of this diabolical fiction we already sporked. Phoenix: Yes, nrrgh! You just make us remember how bad we are in this fiction. Speaker: Right … anyways, how’s this fiction? Is this good, bad, or whatever you want to say? Edgeworth: Let’s just say that this author hasn’t improved, as proven by this fanfiction we sporked. Speaker: Right, so, would the three of you comment on this fiction as an ending statement to conclude this sporking session? Phoenix: Right, let me go first… What the heck is this fanfiction anyway that outright bullies Mr. Wright? And what’s the point of the theme of hurt-comfort fic, anyway? Trucy: True; I mean, it’s more like inserting John Phoenix’s nice action to Daddy rather than John Phoenix’s redemption and realization of how he treats Daddy harshly. Edgeworth: And most of all, you make my characterization wrong. And what’s with this shark-jumping plot element and an unnecessary breaking of the fourth wall? Make it a pure, meaningful, hurt-comfort fiction as much as possible! But I think I shouldn’t expect more from the creator of John Phoenix, whatever it may be. Trucy: Also, for my comment in this sporking session, please don’t make us remember all our miserable parts of the fiction from John Phoenix. We just want to forget all of it as much as possible. Speaker: Aww, but the point of this sporking session is for the audience to see all of you suffer from the fic’s dreadiness. All: … Speaker: No comment, pfft, anyway. In the meantime, I will let you all go for now and expect another sporking session... for a month or a year whenever the Management is active again. So, toodles! Trucy: That’s not reassuring. Phoenix: Well, another month or year to rest from sporking. Trucy: I agree… Daddy! Edgeworth: So, another case you’re working on, Mr. Wright? Phoenix: (realized that his name tag hadn’t changed yet) Please, not you two! FIN

Author:	Pepper Cake [ Sat Feb 08, 2025 8:20 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
SPORKING SESSION COMMENCE Sporking the Worst Ace Attorney Fanfic, According to Reddit Just Lean On My Shoulder and You'll be Fine A reply to an 8-year-old Reddit post: The worst AA fanfic I've ever read Rating: (1.8) Would the sporkers endure in what was considered the worst Ace Attorney fanfiction, according to Reddit? It's February, and it's time to embrace some of the shipping stories with classic story tropes. Here are your sporkers! PHOENIX WRIGHT “Here, I thought we might last another year without sporking.” MAYA FEY “Wait, should we really spork a shipping fic?” MILES EDGEWORTH “I might as well disappear as Mr. Wright did last time!” And to celebrate the localization of Ace Attorney Miles Edgeworth 2… we introduce you to our guest, the legend… KAY FARADAY “Even in the depths of night, when no other bird dares to take flight, one alone soars to shine the light of righteousness on the world's blight! And that one is me! For I am the Great Thief, Yatagarasu!” Edgeworth: Kay, you're really making me memorize your dramatic speech. Kay: Well, someone has to know that I am a Great Thief who works from day to night stealing the truth from the bad ones. Phoenix: Oh, Edgeworth and Faraday, long time no see. Maya: Hi, Kay. It's nice to meet you again. Kay: Yeah, but goodness, this Sporking Theatre is in shambles. Not gonna lie, it's nth year since I’ve been here in this sporking theatre. But no matter, it seems the Great Thief should have to take care of it from now on. Speaker: Good day, sporkers. I knew you’d all be coming. Edgeworth: I'm hoping this is not some kind of terrible fanfiction. Speaker: Oh, not at all. I need your help on whether this story is indeed the worst fanfic according to a Reddit post. Kay: Reddit? Speaker: Yeah, it's like where users can post or engage in content. Maya: But I think this is where I post our advertisement video of our law firms. Or was it? Speaker: Either way, you'll be the judge of that, good lu- Kay: Wait, what just happened with our Sporking Theatre? Speaker: Ahh, yes, it's about collecting dust and rainwater every now and then. Seat? They are not even in safety standards. And I have to bring my projector, laptop, and some cheap bulbs. Maya: The snacks? Speaker: There will be no snack available until the next sporking session. Maya and Kay: Awww! Edgeworth: Wait, is there a next one? Speaker: I shouldn't have said that, though. Despite the situation, you'll have to do it with the best of patience. So, good luck-os! Kay: Hopefully, it's not that bad, right? Edgeworth: Hope is a small step and a giant leap for disaster. Phoenix: Well, let's see what happens. Shall we? (The theatre goes dark, and the projector sets on.) Spoiler: Quote: Miles Edgeworth drove a little faster. He can’t wait to get home. Throughout the day, he and his son, Hans, toured the entire city of Los Angeles to buy gifts for his beloved wife, Maya, whose having birthday today. Kay: I never knew you were already married and had a child with Maya. Edgeworth: Huh, what? I never even had a love relationship with her. Maya: Yeah, you're right. I'm not sure how I can handle your coldness and strictness. Edgeworth: … I can bond, but I don't think I spend the rest of my lifetime with a walking caffeine. Maya and Kay: HEY! Phoenix: Let's just say that Mr. Edgeworth is capable of falling in love with anyone. Edgeworth: Mr. Wright, you better reword it if given a chance. Quote: In addition to Maya's birthday, today also coincides with their wedding anniversary. Edgeworth can’t wait to imagine Maya's cheerful face when she receives the jewelry and the Steel Samurai merchandise that he bought for her. Kay: Wow, so if I married you, would I receive Jammin Ninja merchandise and some two-dollar allowance? Edgeworth: Well, I can if you admit that they are not superior to my Steel Samurai merchandise. Kay: Hey, anything but that! Maya: If that's the case, they would be like: Hey, Maya, Happy Birthday… and Happy Wedding Anniversary, here is your single gift. Phoenix: The point is… Maya: I would prefer these important events separated so I can enjoy two gifts. One for my birthday and one for my wedding anniversary. Phoenix: … I don't think that helps evaluate the story, though, Maya. Quote: He has no thoughts, or any premonition, that a day that should be a happy day, will be one of the worst days of his life, which will make his heart crumble into millions of pieces. Phoenix: Ooof! This is gonna be a sudden change of air that all stories are accustomed to. Kay: Here, we are entering the edgy part of the story, wherein the protagonist’s belief and principle are challenged by the mounts of trauma. The horror, tragedy, and betrayal is at its highest level. Maya: It's a good transition for me unless they make me incriminated, kidnapped, injured, or killed. I swear I will tear up this fiction. Edgeworth: … Unfortunately, it will be inevitable since this story needs some dramatics. Quote: When he got home, he and Hans opened the door, then stepped inside. "Maya ... me and Hans go home!" exclaimed Edgeworth. He then called Maya many times. No answer. The big house was very quiet. Maya: Hans! We don't know who he looks like! Does he look like young Edgeworth? Phoenix: He may have borrowed greyish hair from his dad, and slim and short body frame from his mom. I would call all authors who create any OC to show us what their OCs look like! Kay: Well, he may be optimistic, happy, and joyful. But sometimes, he may be strict, cold, and stoic too. Edgeworth: … Are you describing a bipolar disorder or yandere, Kay? Kay: Eh, both! Quote: "Mom ....Mom??? Look, Daddy and I bought you lots of presents! Daddy, where’s Mommy? Asked Hans. Edgeworth shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. Maya’s slippers are on the shelf, which means she's in home. Kay: Now, let's bet on what happened to Maya. Is Maya kidnapped, incriminated, or injured? Or, most importantly, does Maya have an affair? Maya: Me, having an affair while already married? I may be easily tempted and distracted but I'm not that a cheater. Phoenix: Says the person who persuaded me to invade into personal belongings. Maya: Hey! It's a criminal investigation, Nick- Edgeworth: … Are you really admitting that you're easily hungry, tempted, and distractive? Maya: Huh, what do- Oh, but it's not that much! Kay: Hey, does anyone bet their money? Quote: "Let's find Mommy, son," said Edgeworth, beginning to feel a little anxious. Maya, please, hope won’t anything happen to you. You should be fine. The father and son then started looking for Maya, but still no answer at all. Maya: Alright, I decided to wish as a murder victim here! Phoenix: Why that if you wish to disappear in the story? Edgeworth: I wonder how large their house is, and that author thinks I'm rich. Kay: I am presenting our upcoming movie, Finding Mama! Starring Edgeworth as a serious clownfish dad and Hans as a young clownfish’s son, finding Han’s mom. laugh Speaker: Management advises Kay not to spew out any potential marketable content at this moment. Kay: Hey, but what advice is if it is meant to be broken off? Edgeworth: (... It's “law” can be broken off…) Quote: As they searched for Maya in the TV room, Edgeworth's heart pounded after saw a man's sandals lying in the TV room. Maya: NOOOO! Edgeworth: It seems to me fic-Maya cheats her own husband by having a male affair. Kay: Wait, if Mr. Edgeworth were already the protagonist, then who is this “male affair”? (Then, Maya, Edgeworth, and Kay glare at Phoenix.) Phoenix: Hey, don't blame me. Blame it on the phantom impostor in this story. Edgeworth: Lesson learned. Dispose of your sandals if you want to go to the house of someone who is already married. Speaker: … The Management would like to clarify Mr. Edgeworth if he endorses cheating. Edgeworth: I’m NOT! Quote: Having a bad feeling, Edgeworth and Hansel then climbed the stairs to the 2nd floor. Edgeworth's heart sank as he heard strange noises coming from the room on the 2nd floor— He and his wife’s room. The sound of a groan. And a moans. Maya (closing her ears): YADA YADA YADA. I don't want to hear. Kay: Huh, that is how Maya’s moans sound! Can you demonstrate it for us? Maya: It is certainly NOT! Kay: How about you two? Phoenix: Surely, does this not further incriminate me for being infidel, isn't it? Edgeworth: Why would I if you always hear me “moan” and “groan” throughout the spork? Speaker: The Management advises Ms. Faraday not to condone any sexual PG-13 element inside this sporking theatre. We're trying to be “kid-friendly”. Kay: Come on! This is a crime of artistry freedom. Quote: But it can’t be. Maya won’t ... She won’t do things like that! Maya couldn’t betray me! Edgeworth called Maya once again, but still no answer. The sound of moans and groans was even harder. Maya (covering her ears): NOOO! I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT! Edgeworth: Betray? That's a little too fancy and poetic. Or perhaps “Maya couldn't cheat me.” But again, the author likes to make it powerful while being a little annoying. Phoenix: Damn, haven't they realized that her husband has been at home? Kay: Nah, they were so busy exploring their world of sweet time that they never realized someone was already in a home. But it would make perfect sense if they were really you and Maya! Phoenix and Maya: WHAT? Edgeworth: Indeed, how would you two handle a responsible relationship without applying awareness? Phoenix: Huh? Besides, if I were given a chance to become one character in this fictional universe I want to be, it would be a thief. Speaker: … The Management likes to ask Mr. Wright if he actually defends thieves and robbers. Phoenix: It wasn't my- Quote: "Daddy, what was that sound?" Hans asked irritably. "That sound is very annoying!" Edgeworth didn’t answer. He stepped closer to the door of his room. It was locked. Edgeworth: Oh great! I haven't realized that Hans also heard about this. Phoenix: Talking about 5-year-old childhood trauma in development. Maya: Would it make sense for fic-Edgeworth to just convince his son to stay away for now just to protect his innocence, even though it is a short time? Kay: Nah, Edgeworth is more like “in the zone”, he doesn't realize that his son already ear-witness it. Edgeworth: Now, this story paints me as careless! Speaker: … The Management would like to clarify whether Mr. Edgeworth tolerated parental negligence. Edgeworth: I don't say I’m- Speaker: Fic-Mr. Edgeworth. Edgeworth: Oh… Quote: He begins to felt emotion now. He then took a wood and broke the door of the room until it was burst open. Edgeworth: … This author does not know that the “felt” word already signifies emotion, and he has to specify the character’s emotion. For example, “He begins to feel furiousness” or along with it. Maya: Wow, Edgeworth really broke the door furiously. Kinda reminds me of how you break the door at Kurain Channeling Room. Phoenix: Hey, I'm just trying to save you. At least this guy needs to use a wooden tool, when I just strongly push a door with my own strength. Edgeworth: Hey, don't you compare? Am I right to say that Lotta is helping you? Kay: Took a wood? What kind of wood tools? Is it a piece of wood, a plank, or a wooden furniture? I, Ms. Kay, sit on a wood. Heck, if I want to break into the room, I might swing to the window. Speaker: … The Management would like to clarify Ms. Faraday if she endorses forcible entry. If she does, keep it in a less loud voice! Kay: Oh, uhh, let's make it a secret. Quote: When he saw what was in front of his eyes, he clutched his chest tightly and his other hand gripped the wall. Maya, his wife whom he had married for years, was in bed, bare-chested, and was make out with a man who was none other than his best friend, Phoenix Wright. His best friend since elementary school. Maya (covering their eyes): WHAT IN THE WORLD? Phoenix (covering their eyes): PLEASE FAST FORWARD IT! NOW! Edgeworth: Great! This fiction seems like it is a good idea to trash one ship with another different ship. Kay: Yeah, for an author, portraying Maya as disloyal and a cheater is fine. Quote: Hans, who saw his mother sleeping with another man, also stared blankly. Kay: Han’s innocence, our fallen comrade, rest in peace. We miss you dearly. Phoenix: Yeah, talking about fic-Edgeworth’s zero effort to protect his son's innocence. Just like how you let Pearls witness our drastic situation back when Maya was being held hostage! Edgeworth: Huh, how come it is my fault? Maya: For the viewers, please don't leave Mr. Edgeworth alone with the kids. It would result in a dire impact on the kids and Mr. Edgeworth. Edgeworth: Nrrgh… Kay: Huh, that's why it was really hard for you to interact with me when I was a kid. HAHA! Quote: Without Edgeworth realized, tears streamed down his cheeks now.His hands which holding the wrapped gift trembling violently. Edgeworth: Change it to like, “Edgeworth doesn't realize that his tear- so on.” Phoenix: I just realized his hands already grip his chest and the doorframe. Does he have a third and fourth hand to hold a wrapped gift? Maya: Well, if dramatics matter more than biology, I'm all ears inside my mouth. Kay: Probably, this author wants to make Edgeworth feel more emotionally damaged; thus, he doesn't realize his one hand is already starting a business, and his other hand is currently doing taxes. Speaker: The Management recommends the use of Steven He's joke in the sporking theatre. Kay: I’m not… wait. Quote: "Oh my God ..Maya… Wright...... why?!!!” Whispered Edgeworth in a choked voice. "Edgeworth, we can explain ...” Wright said sternly. While Maya just bit her lip. Phoenix: Yes, I would whisper an objection with three exclamation points and a choking voice! Edgeworth: Agree, I think “muttered in a harsh and unsteady voice” is a better word than “whispered in a choked voice.” Maya: Yeah, let's spork on the sentence structure rather than our characterization in this story. Kay: (eating a snack) “Whispered Maya in a choked voice.” Quote: Edgeworth just took a deep breath, then he screamed loudly, making all of them jump. "WHAT TO EXPLAIN, WRIGHT? !!!!! YOU……. YOU ...... ARE NAKED WITH MY WIFE IN MY ROOM! WHAT TO EXPLAIN, WRIGHT?!!!” Everyone: (surprised, jumps, and drops in their seat) Phoenix: That was too sudden… Kay: I never knew that your breakdown was really that bad. Edgeworth: I mean, I can understand his struggle. Maya: If it was, I might as well jump in my seat to see how struggling I am! (Maya tries to jump on the seat but gets broken) Maya: OOF! Speaker: The Management would like to discuss our financial matters with you after the sporking session. One damaged seat; we will prolong the delay of the snack for another three sporking sessions. All: Awww! Quote: Then, without further thought, Edgeworth approached Wright, swung his hand, and punched Wright right in his nose. Wright staggered, then his head hit the back of the bed. Blood come out from both of Wright’s nostrils immediately. Phoenix (trying not to see the scene): Ouch! This is going to really hurt. I would probably die of head injury in this case! Edgeworth: At this point, I can understand fic-him when I witnessed that the love of his life for almost a decade cheated on him. Kay: Hmm, it was really true that you show your own fierceness in the face of disaster. Maya: Agree! Quote: Edgeworth then pushed Wright until Wright fell to the floor. Satan is entering his head now. He hates the man with this disgusting spikey hair, a man who for decades he has considered as his own brother, who has betrayed his trust, he then kicked Wright over and over again- "Miles! Stop it! Stop it!” sobbed Maya. "You can kill him, Miles, I beg you!" "Shut up, Maya! Let him die!” Edgeworth shouted again. Edgeworth: It seems my fic-me is about to commit much worse than cheating! Phoenix: The angel has entered my mind to inform me that I was about to be sent to Jesus. Maya: Wait, is it me, or was it simply a misspelling of “You can kill him, Miles, I beg you!” Kay: … Now, I, as your wife, give you consent to kill my boyfriend, who convinced me to cheat. Thank you very much! Speaker: … Kay: Alright, I don't tolerate assassination. Thank you very much. Quote: Maya then gets up from the bed and holds Edgeworth to prevent him from beating Wright again. "Miles ... I beg ... I'm sorry ...... forgive us ... we ... really sorry ..." Maya whispered with teary eyes. Edgeworth angrily pushed Maya away. "Sorry, huh???!!! Are you sorry when you're in bed with him?!! Are you sorry and thinking of our son, huh?!!!” Edgeworth's hand went into his shirt pocket, he took his cell phone, Phoenix: Huh, he took his cell phone. Does that mean he is about to call his police, authority, or what? Edgeworth: (sigh) Hey, police, it seems that I assaulted and probably killed the man because he was together with my wife behind my back. And it's satisfactory, and it seems, ok, bye! Kay: But if you would, I can get you escape- Speaker: The Management emphasized to Ms. Kay that aiding and abetting is a crime. Kay: Jeez... Maybe he gets it to call the priest if he is allowed to punch a sinner? Maya: And the divorce officer is to be allowed a divorce within 10 seconds? Wow, what a great business idea. Kay: Nice idea! I might as well be a priestess. Maya: Yeah, as a divorce officer. Edgeworth: (A great business idea doesn't necessarily route to career change!) Quote: then slapped Maya many times using his cell phone. Edgeworth: WHAT? Why do you need to get a cell phone and use it to slap someone with it? Maya: Probably this guy wants to induce critical damage on her face because she betrays him … wait… or does he try to soften the slap through its keypad’s cushion because he still loves her? Edgeworth: (I just lost a brain cell for this.) Kay: Do you want a revolutionary technology to change the world? Here, I introduce you to a Nokia Slaphone, where you are efficient enough to slap someone with just a hold of your phone. 150 kiloNewton of force guaranteed! With 100 kilojoules of energy, maximum storage! Phoenix: Like, come on! Just use your palm. It's quick and efficient. …. Speaker: The Management would like sporkers to clarify if they endorse assault through slapping by hand rather than assault through slapping by phone. All: HEY! Quote: Hans who had been watching all of it can only cry silently. After satisfying shows his emotions, Edgeworth took Hans's hand and led his only son out of the room. Edgeworth: Better late than never, but it's already too late! Phoenix: That's why you don't want to hire Mr. Miles Edgeworth as a babysitter. Maya: That's why a universal restraint order is needed for all children in the universe against one Mr. Edgeworth. (Phoenix and Maya high-fives.) Kay: Even if there is murder happening in the house or an explosion in the building, Mr. Edgeworth doesn't hesitate to let the kid witness the ruthless reality in this world. Because that's the way to show them the absolute and harsh truth. Speaker: The Management argues that hands-on childhood trauma is the worst teaching method. Edgeworth: (Argh, great riddance to you wonderful pair, not-wonderful thief, and manipulative higher-up! I'm not stoic enough to act that way!) Quote: The next day, Edgeworth can’t concentrate at all in his office. His heart was completely destroyed. His heart could not stop asking Why? Why? What did I do wrong? He always tried hard to give everything to Maya, love, attention, and money— yet she still had an affair behind him. And with his best friend. His best friend since elementary school, the friend he trusted the most .... His mind is empty. Edgeworth: Yeah, it made me ask about how they were engaged and married in their first place. Do they really fall in love? Or was it more of marrying because they have the same interest: Steel Samurai? Phoenix: And the way I see it, it's more of a one-sided love story where Edgeworth giving everything to Maya since Edgeworth is mad rich, while Maya is … Maya. Maya: Wow! Thanks, Nick! Phoenix: Hey, that's not what I meant! Maya: (ahem) My added bonus of making me your wife is that you can talk to your dead loved ones! Kay: If I were your wife, I could even help you steal something valuable. There is a 99% chance of not getting caught, guaranteed! Speaker: The Management advises Maya Fey and Kay Faraday not to make this sporking theatre a Tinder dating app or a criminal hideout! Maya: Awww… Kay: Booooo… Quote: How Hans’ fate later?? How was the boy psychologically after seeing his mother sleeping with another man?? Maya: Yeah, next time, you should lead your child out of the house if there is an adult moment. Phoenix: Kinda reminds me that given Hans having witnessed a traumatic event, it reminds me of… Edgeworth: Oh, don't you make me remember my traumatic events, Wright! Kay: Yeah, I remember your story on why you became a prosecutor. But in this child’s case, I know his future career! Edgeworth: And what is? Kay: A divorce priest! Edgeworth: … (And that my friend, how I lose my brain cell. And what's next: Hans Edgeworth becoming a divorce priest.) Speaker: The Management advises the sporkers not to give the author a “good idea”. Edgeworth: (Absolutely, wait… what?) Quote: Knock. Knock. Knock. "Come in," Edgeworth replied wearily. His assistant, Kay Faraday, stepped inside, then put a stack of files onto his desk. Kay: Hey, everyone, I'm now joining the chat to serve the purpose of this story! … Haha! (realized) Wait? Phoenix: Ahh, I can see the pattern here. This fic seems to intently route to one ship and one ship only. Kay: Then, I just sucked into a speed-running relationship. Please, author, just chill! Maya: It's Kay and Edgeworth. Ms. Kay and Mr. Edgeworth sit in the same house! L-O-V Edgeworth: Don't do that! Maya: So, are you two now dating? Then next week, they marry? Speaker: I would like to recommend that Maya focus on sporking on the fanfiction and to remind love isn't a speedrunning activity. Quote: "Here, Mr. Edgeworth. Some files you have to sign. When you're done, you can call me." "Thanks, Kay," Edgeworth said in a quavering voice. Kay's brow furrowed. She looked at her boss carefully. His face was pale, his eyes teary, as if he was trying hard not to cry. "Mr. Edgeworth? Are you okay?” Kay called softly. "I'm fine," Edgeworth said quietly. Without he can’t hold it anymore, a tear fell from his eyelids. "Mr. Edgeworth?? You crying?!" Suddenly Edgeworth buried his face in his hands, and sobbed louder. Kay confused what to do. She wanted to caress Edgeworth's back, or stroke his hair, but of course it was not a justifiable act considering Edgeworth was married and had a child. Edgeworth: Oh no, it's really Kay-Edg- Maya: I’m really sorry for fic-Edgeworth. He has to go through paperwork after finding out his wife cheated on her. He deserves the rest. Justice for Miles Edgeworth, who is being cheated by- Alright, you know who is. Phoenix: Yes, he deserves a rest. But since you are not emotionally damaged as of this moment, we might as well clean the toilet after we spork the fic! Maya: MR. NICK, NO! Kay: But can I touch since this is just friendly contact? As a friend, HEHE! I mean, I would help a friend psychologically. Edgeworth: Well, if I am, I appreciate that! Kay: Yessir. Quote: So, without saying a word, Kay stepped outside, and made a tea for Edgeworth. When she finished making the tea, Edgeworth was still crying on his desk. Still in bewilderment, Kay poked Edgeworth's back softly. "Mr. Edgeworth, sir? I make tea for you, let's drink it, otherwise the tea will be cold,” said Kay. Edgeworth looked up slowly. "Thank you, Kay." He then drank the tea and tasted it. "Mr. Edgeworth, are you okay?? Why are you crying?? If you have a problem, uh, you can talk to me, if you want." Edgeworth looked up again, then chuckled. "Maya." "Huh?" Kay asked again, confused. "What's wrong with Maya? Is she all right?" "She……. Betray me." Edgeworth: Although betrayal can be a grander word, I would love it if it could be simplified to “cheating.” Maya: I never knew you made tea. Kay: Ohh, uhh, yes. Perhaps I can offer you a black Earl tea, which I drank in honor of Queen Sporketh the Sixteenth, back in my hometown, Great Britain. Maya: Black Earl Tea? I wonder where Earl is coming from. Kay: Oh, it's my great-grandfather named Earl Faraday who concocted this tea. It is made out of three ingredients: Earl, Grey, Tea! Maya: Oh, yummy, I guess? Phoenix: Sporketh the Sixteenth, Earl Faraday … yes, I would. Edgeworth: At this point, I don't need a queen and any other tea maker as a sporking management here. This would be drastic. Speaker: Do you, Mr. Edgeworth, give me a potential story idea for the next sporking session? Edgeworth: Wait, no! (Damn you, creators and appreciators of Queen Sporketh, Earl Faraday. You sully my favorite country and my favorite tea!) Quote: "Betraying you, Mr. Edgeworth?” Kay asked again. She thinks this isn’t make sense. Maya wouldn’t betrayed Mr. Edgeworth. Kay and Maya are good friends, and Maya always told her how lucky she was to have Mr. Edgeworth as her husband. Edgeworth: Of course, it doesn't make sense because it actually doesn't make sense. Maya: I agree. This fiction painted me now as a horrible liar and cheater, all for the sake of showing me why I don’t deserve Mr. Edgeworth as her husband. Kay: Back to my question, I would wonder if fic-I and fic-Maya were still friends after this … ordeal. Phoenix: … not sure how I answer your question. But I would rather ask why the author needs to character-assassinate us. Kay: Oh, true that! Quote: Although Maya’s babble about her happy marriage with Mr. Edgeworth always made her jealous. "She's having an affair with Wright. Yesterday my son and I caught them while ...” Edgeworth could not go any further. Recalled the incident yesterday made him feel sick. Kay covered her mouth with her hands. "Gee, Mr. Edgeworth .... Maya cheating with ... cheating with .... Mr. Wright?!" Edgeworth nodded slowly. "Yes. With Wright. My best friend. Can you imagine that, Kay?” Then he laughed grimly. Phoenix: Of course, it's hardest to imagine because this story twists us 180 from truth-finder to a cheater. Edgeworth: I agree. I don't see you two hesitated about cheating, which is the opposite of how you embrace doing the right thing. Maya: Well, at this point, I wished for a realization and confession that she was not meant for Mr. Edgeworth but rather a complete disaster fic that required me to become a horde. … Kay: Hello? Would you warn Maya about “giving an author a good idea”? Speaker: Giving an author a good idea is basically not wrongdoing. Kay: But how? What about… then what is… Then… what are they… Argh! Just forget it! Maya: Hehe! Quote: "Oh my goodness. Edgeworth ... I'm so sorry to hear that ...” Kay murmured softly. "Then ... uh.. sorry if I sounds like interfering your business ... but ... would you intend to divorce Maya, Mr. Edgeworth?" Edgeworth nodded once more. "Yes. What's the point of living together with a traitor? And I also will fight for Hans custody." Somehow, Kay was a little happy to hear it. Although she knew she should not be happy. Maya is her best friend. She should be saddened by the breakup of Edgeworth and Maya's marriage. But Kay had been in love with Edgeworth for so long. Phoenix: Wow, nice. Kay: Woah-what! I’m happy because they’re separated. What a mess am I? Maya: If that's the case, they create Kay-Edgeworth fanfic by making me and Nick a liar and cheater. Edgeworth: And an implied Narumayo fanfic. Maya: What? I wish for a double-dating fic, not a crisscrossing fic whatsoever. It's really a fan-friendly love fluff and blushing fever, benefitting two ships! … Kay: Seriously, new Management? You really have a bias at the moment. Speaker: I mean, Maya was being suffered the most… so… Kay: …. Touche… Quote: Unfortunately, Edgeworth did not realize it and prefer Maya to be his wife. For years, Kay had to endure her jealousy and heartbreak ... No one knew after she became the bridesmaid on Edgeworth and Maya's wedding day, she was crying all night long in bed ... No one knew that she kept the photo of her with Edgeworth under her pillow when they caught Simon Keyes ... Kay: Huh, is there a photo of me with Mr. Edgeworth when we caught Simon Keyes? Edgeworth: I'm not sure if I remember there is. (Kay and Edgeworth glares at the speaker) Speaker: I'm a speaker, not an Ace Attorney Wiki search bar! Phoenix: Aside from that, are we all aware that Kay seems to be a little “obsessive” with Mr. Edgeworth? Kay: Huh, where was coming from? Besides, I'm not obsess- Quote: No one knew that almost every night she scribbled Miles' name in her diary ... No one knew how ill hearted she was every time she saw Edgeworth so intimate with Maya, kisses Maya, holding Maya’s hands, and so on… Kay: … Hehe. Now, I'm embraced with my sullied character. Phoenix: In this fiction, you have a history of writing multiple sentences on a chalkboard. Kinda reminds me of how many school rules she breaks. Maya: I kind of wonder if the fic- would passionately write “Miles” throughout the Prosecutor Building. Edgeworth: Then, it means you'd be committing vandalism out of passion. Kay: H-HEY! I'm the one who jeers, not the other way around! Quote: And now, Maya has betrayed Edgeworth. How could Maya have the heart to betray a near-perfect husband like Edgeworth? Had Edgeworth chosen her as his wife rather than Maya, this wouldn’t happen. Phoenix: Is delusion the sign of over-obsessiveness? Because it happens indeed to be! Maya: Indeed, you really like to pat Mr. Edgeworth, it seems to me that you two have something. Kay: What? Haha. As a friend and a colleague, that is! Maya: Yes, if I ask, when is your marriage? Edgeworth: What was this question coming from? Speaker: The Management recommends that you not make this sporking session as a fanfic for Kay and Edgeworth. Please focus to our original mission… Quote: Will after Edgeworth and Maya divorce, Kay has a chance to conquer Edgeworth's heart, and heal the heartbreak that she suffered for many years? Kay: Heck, no! Maya: Heck, yeah! Phoenix: “Heck, maybe!” Edgeworth: I really need to have tea after that. Kay: … Would you prefer Earl gray tea from Queen Sporketh? Edgeworth: Heck, no! Kay: Nice, you're saying no to the question! Edgeworth: Yes… wait… to my question or the fic’s question or… Quote: To be continued ... Kay: (It's Kay’s comeback) Phoenix: Nice, it seems we are successfully getting through this fiction. Maya: Yeah, and Kay, on the other hand, should have something! Kay: You and "Nick" are into something. We might as well; we don't drive muddy roads, that is! Edgeworth: Yeah.. (Driving on thin ice, that is.) Maya: Oh no, we're not. Phoenix: We’re just friends and colleagues, that is… Speaker: Anyways… Before that, I congratulate all of you for passing through this first chapter… Kay: Wait, the first chapter? Is there another one? Maya: It seems someone is masochistic here. Kay: Maya, SHH! Speaker: … Either way, about the next chapter, I'm unsure if there is something out from this story you can spork. Edgeworth: Ehh, why not we end there? Speaker: … That's not how it works, Mr. Edgeworth. While it's true that it may be boring, I have something to spice something up. Phoenix: Huh, then what do you mean? Speaker: Let me show you your creative moments in this story. Open, my crime reconstruction: the visual anguish of what-if! — Kay: Do you want a revolutionary technology to change the world? Here, I introduce you to a Nokia Slaphone, where you are efficient enough to slap someone with just a hold of your phone. 150 kiloNewton of force guaranteed! With 100 kilojoules of energy, maximum storage! — Maya: My added bonus of making me your wife is that you can talk to your dead loved ones! Kay: If I were your wife, I could even help you steal something valuable. 99% chance of not getting caught, guaranteed! Speaker: The Management advises Maya Fey and Kay Faraday not to make this sporking theatre a Tinder dating app or a criminal hideout for thievery! — Maya: And the divorce officer is to be allowed a divorce within 10 seconds? Wow, what a great business idea. Kay: Nice idea! I might as well be a priestess. Maya: Yeah, as a divorce officer. Edgeworth: (A great business idea doesn't necessarily route to a career change) — Kay: Wow, look how happy we are. Maya: Indeed! Speaker: So, here is my mandatory challenge for you sporkers… … Speaker: Make a 1-minute video. All: Make a what! Speaker: The video that advertises and promotes a sporking session and the theatre itself. Phoenix: Hmm, familiar… Maya: Do you remember that we used to make an advertising video about our law firm? Phoenix: Oh, I did. Speaker: Exactly; additionally, this advertisement has to synthesize all of these three creative puns you make: (1) the “Nokia Slaphone”; (2) the potentiality of our Sporking Theatre as Tinder or a hideout; (3) A weird shift to the career of priestess and divorce officer. Kay: Why does this guy remind me of my high school teacher? Edgeworth: Wait, we really have to make all of these. This is too much of a hassle. Maya: Yeah, we don't have much time and place to make all of these. Speaker: Well, there is one… All: Huh? Speaker: This sporking theatre, and for the next chapter of our Sporking session for Chapter 2! All: NOOOOOOO! *Coming soon, Chapter 2!*

Page 69 of 69	All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/