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Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
https://forums.court-records.net/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=21506		 Page 69 of 69
Author:  Sky [ Tue Aug 18, 2020 4:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
I think you should definitely take a break after you finish sporking this one. I'm seriously starting to get worried about how this might affect your mental health.


A bit off-topic, but what's up with the rise of John Phoenix fanfic and dakoolguy in the front page. I kinda feel like I'm out of the loop.

Edit; I was trying to find a story on ff.net, so when I clicked on filter and browse through the characters, I found Dakoolguy..? How did he get his name in there?
Author:  DJJ680 [ Thu Aug 20, 2020 4:22 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Don't worry. I plan on taking a long break after this one. As for his rise, I honestly can't tell you. Even though I was there when it happened in around March or April. The author just started going around to other people's fanfics and spamming reviews telling them that their OC was the best of all time. Then a bunch of other accounts started making even worse fanfics starring John Phoenix. They've even started going after longtime author JordanPhoenix for what they view as plagiarism, even though she's confirmed to use a website that gives creative inspiration for writing tips.
Author:  DJJ680 [ Thu Aug 20, 2020 5:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
John Phoenix vs Kumar Timalsina Sporking Part 10

Trucy: Only two more chapters left, everyone! We can do this!

Apollo: You sure? Cause I'm not really feeling it right now.

Speakers: If it's any consolation, these two chapters are relatively short. You should be fine.

Phoenix: We're never fine while we're in here.

Edgeworth: We'll only be "fine" when this place is shut down for good.

Speakers: As long as there are terrible fanfics out there, we will never be shut down.

[The lights dim.]

Spoiler:
Quote:
PROLOGUE 2


Apollo: Great start already.

Quote:
Kumar Timalsina put on the hat and gloves, instantly transforming into the man with the hat!

"I admit it," said Kumar. "I am the man in the hat. I clap my hands to you, John Phoenix. But why did you suspect me?"


Edgeworth: Because his name is literally in the title and he's been shown to always be the antagonist of the story?

Phoenix: And there's really been no other major antagonist in this story apart from von Karma, who's literally a brain.

Quote:
"It was a simple matter of logic," said John Phoenix. "I asked myself, 'Who from my past wears a hat or gloves?' There was only person who fit the bill. Wilt Wally, my first enemy. Remember, he said he wore gloves during his crime."


Phoenix: Wait, who?

Trucy: I think he was the culprit in the very first trial of the last story. The one who tried to frame fic-me for murder.

Apollo: Weird time to bring him up. Also, wait, is this fic saying that Kumar is actually Wilt?

Edgeworth: That's impossible. He's dead.

Phoenix: Since when has death ever mattered in these stories?

Edgeworth: ...true.

Quote:
"And the hat?" said Uncle Phoenix. "He wasn't wearing a hat."

"No. For the same reason he wasn't wearing gloves. He took the hat off after killing John Dead."

"That makes a lot of sense."

Edgeworth slammed his desk. "No! That makes no sense. Wilt Wally is dead. What does he have to do with the man in the hat?"

"Isn't it obvious?" asked John Phoenix. "Kumar Timalsina is Wilt Wally's son. He inherited his father's gloves and hat. That's why Kumar has gloves and a hat. And that's why he wants revenge on me... because I made him 'suffer' when his father committed suicide in court."


Apollo: Okay, apart from the fact that a one off character was shown to have worn gloves during his appearance, how exactly was this in any way foreshadowed throughout this fic?!

Phoenix: If it was, I know I certainly missed it.

Quote:
"But your conduct that day was irreproachable! All the leading jurists in the country agreed!" cried Edgeworth.


Edgeworth: I think the author needs to find out what "irreproachable" means. It's far from what they think it is.

Quote:
"What can I say? It seems the Walt family genes are cursed. That's why the father is a murderer and the son a pedophile."


Apollo: Still not a real pedophile! And what do genes have to do with that?!

Quote:
Kumar Timalsina shed a single tear. "Yes... you're right. You're always right. I'm Wilt Wally's son. I was living in Khurain when it happened. My father's death is what made me make the switch from defense attorney to prosecutor. I wanted to get my revenge on you... to dehumanize you in court like you dehumanized my father!"


Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: Actually...that kinda sounds similar to your story, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I realize that. And I don't like it one bit.

Apollo: And when they put it that way, it almost makes it seem like we're supposed to be rooting for the villain here.

Quote:
"You were also the Irfran Nilgiria that Apollo met on his way to the birthday party, weren't you?" asked John Phoenix. "Tell us about that."

Kumar cried a second single tear.

"Yes. It was a challenge making myself as stupid as Irfran. My father almost identified me. And why? I had joined up with Manfred von Karma and John Dragon's terrorist friends. An enemy of John Phoenix is a friend of mine. They had a plan to use the Big Magatama to channel their leader John Dragon's spirit. They needed as much spirit channeling energy as they could get to find his spirit... spirit channeling with no heaven or hell is hard."


Phoenix: ...that's...not how the big Magatama works. And that's not how spirit channeling works either.

Trucy: Does anything actually work in this story?

Apollo: Certainly nothing intentionally works.

Quote:
He continued.

"Pearl was in on the plan. Anyway, during the hide-and-seek game I drove her to Hazakura Temple so she could use its power during the channeling. I had Misty Fey's corpse in the trunk. We needed that, too, in order to channel John Dragon. Pearl ate it to get more spirit channeling power and then she managed to channel John Dragon with the help of the Big Magatama and Mystic Arnie's spirit while Larry Butz and Dr. Hotti were sleeping in another room."


All: ...

Phoenix: Did...did they just say that Pearls resorted to CANNIBALISM?!

Apollo: ...I think so.

Phoenix: Okay, this is beyond bad. This is absolutely DISGUSTING! Pearls would NEVER do something like that! You could not be farther from Pearl's behavior and mannerisms if you even tried! I feel legitimately unclean just reading this!

Edgeworth: My thoughts exactly. And the author has the nerve to only rate this story as T?!

Trucy: That is not okay! That is not okay at all!

Quote:
"She ate her mother's rotting corpse?" asked Phoenix Wright. "That's strange. Why would she do that? Or channel John Dragon?"


Phoenix: Wow! Understatement of the century, fic-me!

Edgeworth: Also, Misty Fey is not Pearl's mother. She's her aunt.

Phoenix: Bit of a minor issue, Edgeworth!

Quote:
"Because she was a terrorist," said John Phoenix. "I long suspected as much."

"Impossible!" said Maya.

"Possible," said John Phoenix.

"Yes, she was a terrorist," said Kumar. "But John Dragon wasn't. He'd had a change of heart ever since being dead. He loved his brother now. He picked a gun off the floor and killed himself... and Pearl, of course. That put an end to Manfred's plans to assassinate John Phoenix in the dark during the hide-and-seek game and have John Dragon impersonate him and take over his life."


Apollo: Didn't sound like a very well thought out plan, didn't it?

Trucy: Well otherwise, we'd have a good story.

Phoenix: Except for the whole cannibalism thing.

Quote:
"It wouldn't have worked, anyway," said John Phoenix. "You'd have only killed Apollo Justice. I wouldn't have cared."


Apollo: ...you know what? I'm beyond caring at this point.

Trucy: Wow, Polly. This fic has really gotten to you.

Edgeworth: It's gotten to all of us, Trucy.

Quote:
Kumar sighed. "Yes, nothing went quite how Manfred wanted it. But Pearl's death presented a new opportunity, an opportunity to frame you for her murder. But we couldn't be sure whether the gun was yours or your uncle, so we needed to plant one more piece of evidence."

"The knife..." said Phoenix.

"No," said John Phoenix. "It was actually a fork." He presented the knife. "That's why my fingerprints are on the knife, because it's the one Pearl handed to Apollo during the party, and he had flesh colored gloves with fingerprints that matched mine."


Phoenix: ...that's not a thing.

Edgeworth: Also, a fork? Where did that come from?

Quote:
"But that's a knife," objected Uncle Phoenix. "A knife is not a fork. It is a different implement."

"Uncle Phoenix, be quiet. You are wrong. Everyone, kindly visualize a three pronged fork, the kind used at the birthday party."

Everyone did so.

"Okay, now what?" asked the judge, eyes closed.

"Remove the two prongs on the side."

"Okay... by jove!" The judge's eyes fluttered open. "When you remove the two prongs from a three pronged fork, the middle prong becomes a KNIFE!"


Apollo: That's...not how it works.

Trucy: Yet another thing that doesn't work in this story.

Quote:
"And that is how my fingerprints got on the 'knife.'"

Everyone applauded, genius, John Phoenix.

"It appears you've figured it all out, John Phoenix," said Kumar Timalsina. "Manfred's plan to revive his leader... my plan to ruin your life..."

"Actually, you told us that," said Uncle Phoenix.

Kumar ignored him. John Phoenix is a genius and had made him tell. "Killing Pearl wasn't intended, but it aligned perfectly with my aims. To destroy you in court."

"You lose, Timalsina," said John Phoenix.

"No, I do not lose, you lose!"

Kumar Timalsina stole the bailiff's gun and aimed it John Phoenix!


Phoenix: Oh good. The inevitable confrontation that will probably result in John somehow being able to survive.

Edgeworth: At least there's only one chapter left.


Trucy: How will it end folks? How will it end?

Apollo: Let's get this over with and find out.

Phoenix: At least we'll be free of this story.

Spoiler:
Quote:
Prologue 3


Apollo: But that's not even...never mind! Let's just keep going!

Quote:
Kumar Timalsina threw the gun to John Phoenix! Everyone gasped!

"Now it's time for my perfect revenge!" Kumar extended his index finger. "I am going to make you kill yourself, John Phoenix, just like you made my father! Put that gun in your mouth and pull the trigger! Nobody likes you! Everyone hates you!"


Phoenix: Oh thank you. He says what we're all thinking!

Edgeworth: Now if only that would actually happen.

Quote:
John Phoenix put the gun in his mouth.

"NO JOHN PHOENIX HE'S LYING!" cried Uncle Phoenix.

The judge stood up. "Good lord! Stop!" He got out of his chair and ran to John Phoenix.

Kumar grinned evilly, but instead of killing himself, John Phoenix fired through the judge's robe and shot Natan Ingram!

"It appears you seriously misjudged my psychology, Timalsina," said John Phoenix. "It will cost you your case."


All: BOOOOOOO!

Phoenix: Also, I think the case isn't that important right now.

Quote:
He bowed as everyone cried tears of relief.

Natan crawled out leaking blood and guts and pulled at Edgeworth's pant leg.

"Miles... help me..." he gurgled.

Instead of helping his husband, Edgeworth stole the second bailiff's gun!

"Father, no!" cried Kumar.

Natan tried to crawl away. "Miles, please! Remember our wedding vows!"

"Till death do us part," recited Miles. "Now here comes the death part."

He blew off Natan's head and blood sprayed everywhere!

"Father, how could you!" cried Kumar.

Edgeworth regarded his adopted son coldly over his shoulder. "I never loved you or Natan, Kumar. I only married him and adopted you and Irfran to stop your evil plot. Rumors of your scheming and attraction to children reached my office."


Apollo: Sorry, Mr. Edgeworth. Looks like fic-you wasn't actually smart after all.

Edgeworth: I'm so upset at that. Clearly.

Quote:
"Edgeworth... how does adopting a pedophile and marrying his best friend follow from that?" asked Phoenix.

"They say keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. I did it to learn of their plan, and so I could stop them before they could carry it out. I only pretended to hate John Phoenix to sell the illusion, but unfortunately, Kumar started giving me amnesia pills in my tea. I got amnesia and forgot that I was only pretending to hate John Phoenix. Thankfully I figured out how he was drugging me."

"I knew that," said John Phoenix.


Phoenix: One, no you didn't. Two, what kind of plan is that?

Trucy: A terrible one.

Quote:
Now John Phoenix and Edgeworth pointed their guns at Kumar and Emperor aimed his boomerang in an epic team up.

"Now, to escort you to prison," said Edgeworth.

Kumar chuckled. "Too bad you forgot one thing, Miles."

"What's that?"

"The third bailiff!" He stole the bailiff's gun and dragged Mia out of the gallery! He wrapped an arm around her neck and held the gun to her head.

"Help" said Mia.


Phoenix: That's quite the concern coming from fic-Mia.

Edgeworth: And something tells me that John wouldn't care much about that.

Quote:
"Oh no! Mia!" cried Phoenix. John Phoenix and Edgeworth reluctantly dropped their guns.

"I want..." Kumar began. "No, I DEMAND a police helicopter out of here. And I want it filled with underage girls. NOW!" He shook Mia and pressed the barrel harder against her temple. She winced. "Don't think I'll hesitate to kill her! Adult women mean nothing to me! I'm Kumar Timalsina, bitch!"


All: ...

Speakers: ...let's just move on.

Quote:
There didn't seem to be anything they could do. Kumar had the upper hand. But then John Phoenix got an idea. He borrowed Emperor's boomerang and threw it at Mia! When it came back it brought Mia with it, safe and sound.


Apollo: Um...no.

Trucy: That's a whole lotta no.

Quote:
"NO!" screamed Kumar, pressing up against the wall behind his desk, trying to aim his gun everywhere at once. Just then a gigantic hulking monster crashed trough the wall behind him! It was Nightwing! He had a prison guard in each hand and he was eating them. The steroids John Phoenix had forced him to take in prison had turned him into a mindless beast with only one desire, to kill the prosecutor who ruined his life!


Phoenix: Wait, the pro wrestler client from the beginning?

Edgeworth: Also, what the heck is this?

Quote:
"Stay back, you monster!" screamed Kumar. He fired his gun at Nightwing but it had no effect. Nightwing threw the guards away and did cool wrestling moves on Kumar Timalsina and pounded his scrawny pedophile body to death. Then he started eating his corpse.


Apollo: Because THAT'S what this fic needed. MORE CANNIBALISM!

Quote:
"Good work, Nightwing," said John Phoenix. "I planned this." He fired a tranquilizer gun at him and Nightwing fell down. "Now back to prison where you belong." John Phoenix couldn't help but feel a little sorry. It wasn't really his fault Nightwing was like this. Society had made him this way. Winners don't do drugs.


Phoenix: Um...shouldn't the prosecutor proving to be a forger warrant a retrial for him?

Quote:
"I find John Phoenix NOT GUILTY!"

Everyone cheered and colorful construction paper fell from the ceiling. John Phoenix would not accept small pieces of confetti. All of John Phoenix's friends carried him on their shoulders to the defense lobby.

"Thank you for saving me, John Phoenix," said Mia. She shuddered. "I'm glad that pedophiliac monster is finally gone."


Apollo: And we're glad the fic is almost done.

Quote:
"It's too bad Apollo is dead," said Trucy. "If it had been you in that tank, you would have definitely lived! You are amazing!"

"Nice work, kid," said Godot.

"Great job, John Phoenix," said Maya. "You too, Nick!"

"Thanks, Maya!"


Phoenix: At least fic-me gets a little bit of acknowledgement.

Trucy: That wasn't much.

Quote:
She and Phoenix were about to high five. John Phoenix screamed, "No, Uncle Phoenix, look out!" He quickly shouldered his uncle to the ground and knocked him out of harm's way. Then he used the bailiff's gun and emptied the entire magazine into Maya with perfect accuracy while strafing and taking cover behind random people.

She lay face down. Her big toe twitched.

"She's still alive! Get down!" cried John Phoenix from behind his smoking gun.

Edgeworth roundhouse kicked women and children to the floor. "Leave this one to me." He pulled out his own gun he stole from the bailiff and did tactical somersaults around Maya, snapping off rounds until she was nothing more than a pile of blood on the floor.


All: ...

Edgeworth: Okay, fic. How is this supposed to be the best course of action?

Quote:
Phoenix stared down. An eyeball floated down a rivulet of blood ending at the tip of his shoe. "Why."

Why? You see, John Phoenix had noticed she had a broken fingernail. Somehow, this meant she was evil.


All: ...

[Everyone proceeds to start banging their heads against the seats in front of them.]

Quote:
"You see, if she had been good, all her nails would have been broken, from chewing them in anxiety when I was in danger of a guilty verdict. But she didn't. Only one fingernail was broken, because she bit down on it in anger, because I didn't get a guilty verdict. She is a terrorist."

"Amazing use of psychology, John Phoenix," said Edgeworth. "You are a genius."


Edgeworth: That logic is so terrible I think we should just move on.

Everyone else: Agreed.

Quote:
"Even I have to admit it," said Emperor.

"But... did you have to kill her for that?" asked Phoenix.

"She had poison on her hands, Uncle Phoenix, that would have killed you instantly if she touched you. She was working for Manfred von Karma all along. That's why she invited them to the party, so they could use the Big Magatama and channel John Dragon. She was evil all along. Both Mayas are evil. There was never a Good Maya, except perhaps in your easily fooled mind."

Phoenix cried a single tear. "Oh, well, good eye then, John Phoenix."


Phoenix: Way to retcon this crap!

Quote:
"No. Good eyes. I used both eyes. Both of my eyes deserve equal respect and recognition."

"You're right. Thank you, John Phoenix's eyes, for both of you."


Apollo: This was entirely necessary.

Quote:
Just then Manfred von Karma's brain ran by underfoot and tripped people up.

"So long, fools! I shall return some day! Ha ha ha!" He managed to escape through a mouse hole somehow. John Phoenix stared at the hole. Life was really so hard sometimes. I'm not sure what I should put here or what was going through his head, but it was probably poignant and related to all the stuff he had done in his life, and all the stuff he had yet to do. Edgeworth laid a hand on his shoulder.


Edgeworth: This was just lazy, even for this author's standards.

Phoenix: I just want this to end.

Quote:
shoulder.

"Don't worry, John Phoenix, we'll get him some day. Also... my mother has a surprise..."

Morgan le Fey walked in leading the other terrorist friends by chains.

"Morgan?" gasped Merlin. "What are you doing here?"

"I am good now." She waved her hand and Larry and Apollo came back to life. "Your friends came back to life."


Apollo: Oh come on! I thought I was free from my dignity being shattered by this story!

Phoenix: We're never free from this story.

Quote:
"Wow! Great news!" said Uncle Phoenix.

John Phoenix shook Larry's hand. It was the least he could for a man who had accidentally sacrificed his life for Apollo Justice instead of John Phoenix. Just then a bullet crashed through the window. It was John Phoenix's mother's soul bullet! She was alive after all.

"John Phoenix's mom?" gasped Trucy. "Is that really her?"

"Yes, it is," said John Phoenix. "She found her way home from the rubble of Khurain City."


Apollo: Oh good. Because we really needed that.

Trucy: Also, can we really call her alive if her soul is trapped in a bullet?

Quote:
"Heh... that Kumar fucker is finally dead, John Phoenix won, and my sister's back," said Larry. "Now we can all relax, huh?"

"No..." said John Phoenix, clenching his mother in his fist. She was very agitated. "Manfred von Karma is still out there. And so is the true mastermind..."

Larry, Phoenix, and Edgeworth shared a confused look.


Edgeworth: Wait...what is this story talking about?

Quote:
Meanwhile...

In an ancient dungeon under the governor's castle, Storm Sente and Argus Hakan spoke to a mysterious robed man.

"Professor Layton," asked Argus, "is it true you have an evil brother named Prosecutor Layton? And that he's Kumar Timalsina's real father and an old associate of Charlie Lawrence?"


Phoenix: ...excuse me? Prosecutor Layton? Charlie Lawrence? What is this supposed to be?

Apollo: No idea.

Quote:
"Yes."

Carlos Flavioli and Acro emerged from a dark crevice, riding in their wheelchairs, which were actually guns.

"Storm, it's exactly as you thought," said Flavoli. "The vultures Phoenix Wright saw in the heavenly hall were circling the floor because there was a dying person under the floorboards."

Acro glared. "We have finally located the real Principal Buddy Johnson."


Edgeworth: ...what? The real Buddy Johnson?

Apollo: Is this building up to something?

Quote:
Storm put his hands in his pockets and stared at a torch on the wall, the fire reflecting off his glasses.

"All the pieces of the puzzle are finally falling into place," he said. "The real truth behind the FemCon incident... behind the Morix law offices... behind Dylan Fitchar's disappearance... and behind John Phoenix's birth."

The End

(Yes, this is really the last chapter. There are no more epilogues or prologues.)


Apollo: Wait...are they saying we're gonna get more of this?

Trucy: I think so.

Apollo: NOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY DO WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS SOME MORE?!


[The lights turn on.]

All: *defeated because they have to do another story in the future*

Phoenix: Well...might as well give our thoughts.

Trucy: I'll start. This story is probably worse than the first one! I mean, the writing is as terrible as ever, John's a terrible character and the plot makes no sense!

Phoenix: In addition, this fic does one of the biggest no-no's in story-telling: directly going after other people's work and disparaging it. Not only does this author claim three of another author's OCs as their own, but they purposefully distort them to fit their feud with that author.

Edgeworth: And beyond that, there's plenty of twists that don't make sense and have no foreshadowing at all to build them up. If you want to have twists, fine. But give the readers some foreshadowing. Give clues that this could be real.

Apollo: And worst of all, this series looks as if it'll continue! Why?! Why do we need this to continue?!

Phoenix: Because we haven't suffered enough, it seems.

Edgeworth: We never suffer enough for this theater, it seems.

Speakers: You've got that right. Now get outta here.

[And so the sporkers leave the theater and try their best to get what they saw out of their minds. Will this godawful series continue? Will it get any better? I doubt that one but one can still hope. Stay tuned...]
Author:  Skittlemask [ Tue Oct 13, 2020 1:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
I've been working on this for a really long time, back when the last sporking was posted in 2019 and no sporkings for months. I know DJJ68o has posted some sporkings since then, but I admit I'm too lazy to change the intro, so apologies for that. Regardless, it's still been awhile since this thread has been updated, and an even longer time since I did a sporking, but I miss this thread and sporking in general. So, I'm back. And if I'm the only who will use this thread from now on then so be it. I miss the days when I could just spork some Ace Attorney fanfictions, lol.

Title- Twelve Charms: Chapters 4 and 5
Rating- :sahwit: :sahwit:
Once again, I'm back to this fic. I want to spork the whole thing. Like I said when I sporked chapter three, I don't think it's that bad, in fact I sort of like it. It's obvious the author was just having some harmless fun writing this thing. Anyway, here's the link for my sporking of chapter 3 and Ben Lyon's sporking of chapter 1 and chapter 2. It's been a while so sorry if I'm rusty! :payne:

Welcome aboard our sporkers!

Hobo Phoenix!
:hobolaugh: "Haha, ready to read more bad fanfics, everybody?"
Apollo Justice!"
:apollo-shock: "I don't see anything to be laughing at, Mr. Wright…"
and Trucy Wright
:sillytrucy: "Ehehe… I agree with Polly, Daddy. I thought this place had finally closed down…"

[We begin in our underused but beloved sporking theatre. Don't let the management know that I've told you, but we almost got foreclosed! Luckily-]

Speakers: Hey, narrator? Shut up.

[Sorry…]

Trucy: Um, management? Where have you guys been? We really all thought this place had shut down for good.

Speakers: …Y'know, I really want to be cocky and be like "mwahaha, you can never escape this place!" but I can see why you all might've thought that. To be honest, I'm currently the only one of management who's here right now and decided to open the place. It's just me and the narrator right now, but I'm certain old members will return or new one's will join. And if not… then you guys are stuck with me because I'm not going anywhere!

Trucy: Wow, you sound kind of lonely…

Speakers: …Don't read too much into it. Anyway, since it's just me and I'm poor, don't expect any popcorn. I did all I could to clean the place and fix everything we need for the bare minimum sporking experience. So, enjoy! The theatre is happy to see guests once again!

Trucy: Hmm, it sounds like the management is being nice for once!

Apollo: If they're so nice, do you think they'd let us go home?

Phoenix: Come now, Apollo, let's not be like that. The management clearly made an effort so let's entertain them for once, eh?

Apollo: Do you remember what they've put us through?

Trucy: I agree with Daddy, actually. Let's be cooperative just this once! Besides, how bad can it be?

Apollo: Oh, very bad. But fine, I'll play along but don't be surprised when I say I told you so.

Trucy: I don't think you will! Do you remember what we're reading? It's that self-insert fic that isn't very good, but not "ahh, erase my memory!" bad.

Speakers: Speaking of that, let's roll the fic! This intro is getting too long.

Quote:
Chapter 4
Field Trippin'


Apollo: What kind of title is that?

Trucy: She's trying to be hip!

Apollo: Sounds more like some old person trying too hard to be cool. Honestly, this title makes me think of… some illegal drugs.

Phoenix: Hmm, that'd actually make this fic interesting…

Trucy: *gasp* Daddy, don't say that!

Phoenix: Heh, sorry Truce, but it's true.

Quote:
Hey Micki, check this out!" Trucy exclaimed.

I had been skimming over about twenty pamphlets trying to find something about a gate.

NOTHING!

"Micki, stop reading those, it's a field trip!"

Trucy smacked the last pamphlet out of my hand.

"Sorry," I apologized. "I really just want to figure out this puzzle-riddle thing."


Apollo: So… what is going on again? It's been two years since Trucy and I had read this story. Please refresh our memories, Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: Well-

Trucy: Oooh, oooh, I remember! …Kind of. In the last chapter we were going on a field trip so fic-me could find a charm for Micki's bracelet, and we played with an old Gameboy on the subway!

Phoenix: Very good, Trucy! I'm very proud of you for remembering. I'll give you some pudding when we get home.

Trucy: Yay!

Apollo: (…I almost miss seeing Mr. Wright and Trucy interact like this.)

Quote:
"Hey, I'm the key to the next puzzle! I'll know when we've found the charm!" she went on. "Now let's enjoy the field trip!"


Apollo: …That's not very good logic.

Phoenix: *shrugs* Seems reasonable enough to me.

Apollo: Seriously? What, when you were a lawyer did you just go to random places hoping to find clues?

Phoenix: …Heh, what do you take me for, Apollo?

Trucy: Polly, don't be so mean to daddy. You do the same thing.

Apollo: …! I-I guess, but at least I don't think I'll find clues just because.

Quote:
We had ditched a lecture from Ms. Roberts (dear lord) by saying we had to use the bathroom. Not that it was a lie; I really did have to use the restroom. But we walked to the ladies' room until we turned the hallway and were out of Phoenix and Apollo's sight.


Trucy: So… then we didn't actually go to the bathroom if we just walked there but never went in. If Micki said she wasn't lying that she had to use the restroom, why didn't she just go when we were there?

Phoenix: You know how these fics are Truce, that'd make too much sense.

Trucy: Yeah, but the author doesn't seem incompetent…

Apollo: I'm just going to theorize that she was too bored to pay attention to what she was writing.

Quote:
Then we ran straight there. The bathroom was all the way across the museum, so we decided to follow the exhibits near the bathroom.


Trucy: So… we went to a different bathroom? Why?

Apollo: Trucy, it's honestly not worth this much effort to think about. Let's just drop it.

Phoenix: I don't know Apollo, I like Trucy's effort. You should take some tips from her.

Apollo: H-Hey! Are you saying that I don't try hard enough?

Phoenix: *smiles* Of course not.

Apollo: …Hmph.

Quote:
"So boring..." I groaned. I thought this would be more exciting. "Don't they have an exhibit on astronomy or the zodiac?"

"Agreed. I think astronomy is on the third floor, wanna head up?" suggested Trucy.

"Dear lord, please!"


Apollo: I'm actually really good at astronomy, so if you guys wanted to learn some more about it you could always ask me…

Trucy: Aw, Polly! If I knew you wanted to sound like an expert in something I would've asked!

Apollo: What? No! That's not what I meant. It's just something I used to do with Clay a lot…

Trucy: O-Oh. Well, I know it's not the same but if you'd like we can go to an astronomy exhibit together sometime.

Apollo: *nods* That'd be nice. Thank you, Trucy.

Quote:
Trucy and I ran for the elevator, and then I bumped into something red. Trucy and I bumped into Poliwag (Okay, I like Pokémon, deal with it) and Phobos.


Apollo: P-Poliwag?

Phoenix: Phobos…?

Trucy: Hahaha, that's actually kind of funny!

Speakers: Agreed. If I could afford to have Discord play management right now, he would turn you two into the Pokemon characters, that'd be a treat. Hahaha!

Apollo: Yeah guys, laugh it up. I, for one, am glad that the management is too poor.

Phoenix: Also, I think Apollo would be a better Victini. His hair matches Victini's ears.

Trucy: Good one, daddy! Hahaha!

Apollo: …

Quote:
I looked over at Trucy.

We're so freaking dead.

"I-Is the lecture over?" questioned Trucy carefully.

"Nah, but we noticed you two left a little fast so we had a little investigation," responded Phoenix.

Crap.


Phoenix: Oh yeah, I can't wait for fic-me to yell at Micki and Trucy, maybe we'll finally get some entertainment.

Trucy: Aw, but Daddy…

Apollo: I don't know, I don't really think fic-you is going to yell at them. And if he does, then that means he's out of character, since you're not really much on, uh, disciplining.

Phoenix: I don't really need to discipline because Trucy is a good girl. I'm so lucky to have such a well-behaved daughter, haha.

Trucy: Aww, thanks Daddy. You're the best!

Apollo: …

Quote:
"Why are you giving us that look?" asked Apollo. "It's not like you're in trouble."

"Say what?" I was shocked.

"You gave us an excuse to leave. Dammit, no wonder I always get notes from your teacher about you two passing notes," said Phoenix. "I nearly passed out when only two minutes passed."

"What else is new?" Apollo whispered.


Trucy: Wow, if that teacher is that boring than she should've never been hired!

Apollo: Trucy, they can't fire teachers just because they're boring.

Phoenix: That's not what she meant. She means that if she's that boring then whoever interviewed her for the job shouldn't have been able to stay awake long enough to hire her.

Trucy: Mmhm! Hehe, great minds think alike!

Apollo: So what, my mind's not great?

Trucy: No, it is! It's just, ummm…. averagely great!

Apollo: Gee, thanks.

Quote:
Phoenix smacked him over the head with a plastic grape juice bottle.

"What the hell?" yelled Apollo.

"I'm giving you the same discipline Mia gave me," answered Phoenix.

"At least I didn't always look at her chest, pervert!"

"I didn't look at her chest! I've seen you drool a little when you see pictures of her!"

"I don't drool!"

Trucy and I watched for awhile. Then it got boring.


Phoenix: Ah, of course. We can't read a fic here without one of those "pfftt, men," segments in it. How I love these segments.

Apollo: I know, so entertaining and original, am I right?

Trucy: Yep. Oh well, at least it's still better than the last chapter with the Gameboy.

Quote:
"Hey! Break it up! Do not make me press the run button!" I shouted while pulling out my gameboy camera.

Phoenix and Apollo clamped their mouths shut.


Apollo: Imagine if that's all it took to shut us up? Hahaha.

Phoenix: Hahaha!

Trucy: I don't know… But with you two, it seems a little realistic.

Phoenix: Come now Trucy, you think too little of us. Besides, didn't we already settle this debate in the last sporking?

Trucy: Hmmm… maybe? I don't remember it too well. But hey, maybe I'll buy one of those off of eBay and test it out! Anybody want to lend me some money?

Apollo: Don't look at me.

Phoenix: Haha, sorry Trucy, but it's a no.

Trucy: …Management?

Speakers: Hell no. Didn't I already say I was broke?

Trucy: Awwww…

[The gang go to the third floor for whatever reason and the scene ends.]

Quote:
After my school was kicked out of the museum, my teachers said that we can go explore the city and return back to the subway in three hours.


Phoenix: Kicked out? What the heck did we do in the museum? And why is the teacher just letting the kids roam free in the city? That sounds very dangerous.

Apollo: …Mr. Wright, kicked out is just used as an expression here.

Trucy: Y'know, I really hate when people do that. If you say you were kicked out then I expect a fun story with police dragging you out of the place! Same with people saying they "passed out." If you say that then I expect a dramatic story about waking up in the hospital with people crying over you, not that you just fell asleep. It's so boring!

Apollo: Uhhh, since when is being arrested or going to the hospital fun?

Trucy: It's not, but the story is fun!

Apollo: …I worry about you sometimes, Trucy.

Quote:
Gate... gate... Argh! Why can't I think of anything?

"Alright, so what's this gate business?" asked Phoenix. "You've been thinking about that all day."

"I told you to stop doing that!" I yelled.

"It doesn't take an idiot to realize that," said Apollo.


Apollo: Well, at least the author doesn't think we're all idiots like most of these fanfics do.

Phoenix: I don't know, I think they're portraying me in particular as kind of dumb.

Apollo: How so? The author literally made you a mind-reader!

Phoenix: *shrugs* Maybe not exactly dumb but more like incompetent. I don't like how the author is portraying my parenting as too lax, or making me too gullible.

Apollo: … (But… you do have those traits…)

Trucy: Don't worry, I know you're a smart guy, Daddy!

Phoenix: Haha, thanks Trucy.

Quote:
I sighed. "Hey Trucy, are there any other names for a gate?"

"Not that I know of," she told me.

"Do you guys know any?" I questioned them.

"I think they can also be called yett or port," Apollo replied.


Phoenix: Although, fic-you in particular, Apollo, is quite smart. I think the author has a crush! After all, I never knew a gate could be called a "yett!"

Apollo: *turning red* H-Hey, this underage author doesn't have a crush, she just has a favorite character! You wouldn't know how that feels!

Phoenix: Woah, 'Pollo, you're getting defensive there. Hahaha, I was just kidding.

Trucy: But look how cute Apollo is when he's blushing!

Apollo: Sh-Shut up…

Quote:
Trucy and I stopped in our tracks.

A port?

"Something wrong?" asked Phoenix.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Trucy said facing me.

"Port of LA?" I inquired.

"Yep."

Trucy and I ran off to the harbor. We weaved through the crowds and through the streets. I began to smell the fresh, salty scent of the ocean breeze.


Trucy: Y'know, the author doesn't really do much descriptive narrative. So… when they do write some it just ends up sticking out like a sore thumb…

Phoenix: Also, I don't know if it's just me, but I've never smelt the ocean breeze as "salty."

Quote:
We stopped running at the entrance to the warehouses when we realized that Phoenix and Apollo were having trouble keeping up. When they finally caught up, Phoenix was panting hard and Apollo was laying on the ground.

"How.. do... you... run... so... fast...?" Phoenix asked through pants.

"I take track and cross-country year-round," I answered.

"What... about... Trucy...?" Apollo gasped, sounding like he had less air than Phoenix.

"I go on her runs," Trucy said.


Phoenix: Y'know Author, the fact that you said that Apollo was laying on the ground would logically mean that he was more out of breath than me; repeating it just made it redundant. Also, I'm not gonna lie, Apollo would probably be in better condition than me. He is younger after all, and I've never been the most in-shape guy…

Apollo: I think the part of me lying on the ground was supposed to be comical… I see that even the author likes to tease me…

Trucy: Aw, that just means she likes you! Maybe even like likes you…

Apollo: N-NO! We already had this conversation! Moving on!

Quote:
After waiting until Phobos and Poliwag caught their breaths, we ventured down to the warehouses.


Apollo: So how long are these Pokémon jokes going to last?

Phoenix: Possibly the whole fic.

Apollo: …Yay.

Quote:
"Hello?"

We turned around a saw a man in a dark suit approach. I examined his face so I wouldn't forget: faint scar over left cheek, dark eyes, nicely combed hair, glasses.

Who the hell is this?


Phoenix: An evil OC.

Trucy: How can you already tell that he's evil?

Phoenix: Just by the fact that the author even bothered to describe him. Plus, he has a scar and nice hair. All villains have scars and nice hair. Matt Engarde, Kristoph…

Trucy: Wow, you're so smart, Daddy!

Apollo: …But that just means the author is being unoriginal.

Phoenix: Nah-ah, it means that they're staying true to the style of the games.

Speakers: The management would like to remind Phoenix Wright that… ah, you know what? Forget it. Just for today I won't care. Consider it a present.

Trucy: Wow, I guess the management becoming poor made them apathetic too!

Apollo: Sounds relatable.

Quote:
"I'll handle this." Phoenix whispered.

"Hey." greeted Phoenix without a smile.

"May I ask what your business is?" the man asked.

"What's yours?"

"Ahem, I am James Smith, the real estate agent for these warehouses. What is your business?"


Phoenix: Smith? Seriously? Might as well have just named him John Doe and have him be Shelly de Killer walking around. He fits the scar and nice hair theory after all.

Trucy: Hmm… maybe it's de Killer's brother who also lacks the talent of coming up with original names?

Phoenix: You know what? I like that theory, Trucy. I'm going to headcannon it as fact in this fic.

Apollo: Mr. Wright, you know a term such as "headcannon?"

Phoenix: Well, fans of the series like to make up headcannons about us all the time… So it would be silly pretending that I don't know it.

Speakers: …

Phoenix: *smiles*

Apollo: (He's planning on taking full advantage of the management's "present," isn't he?)

Quote:
"My dad works here!" Apollo quickly exclaimed before Phoenix could come up with something. "It's my day off and I came to visit him!"

"Oh, do you need a guide?"

"We're good! My dad's warehouse is pretty vacant, it'll be easy to spot!"

"Uh... alright then'" James seemed to get suspicious, but he turned and walked away.


Phoenix: Not for long. We'll probably see him later with a gun.

Trucy: Ooooh, yay! Then some action might actually happen!

Apollo: …I'm sporking with a bunch of sadists. This is actually happening. I can't believe you guys are actually having fun.

Trucy: *cheeky grin* Learn to embrace the pain, Polly!

Apollo: … (I'm scared.)

Quote:
We waited until the man was far enough away. We turned and continued to the warehouses.

"Wow Polly, I didn't know you were such a good liar!" complimented Trucy.

"That's because I'm not," Apollo admitted. "Didn't you see how loud I was?"

"He was a little suspicious when he walked away," Phoenix pointed out.


Apollo: Huh, something in character. I have to admit I'm not the best liar in the world…

Trucy: That's an understatement! You're as easy to read as a first grade book!

Apollo: Hey… I'm not that easy to read! …Am I?

Phoenix: Well, it's usually pretty easy to tell what you're thinking but there are occasional times when I'm surprised to not be able to tell what you're thinking.

Apollo: …Good to know.

Quote:
I noticed after a little while of walking, Trucy had taken the lead.

"You know where you're going, right Truce?" I questioned.

"I think I do," she replied.

We continued on like this until we reached an abandoned looking warehouse.


Apollo: I have a bad feeling about this…

Quote:
"So, the next charm is here, Trucy?" Phoenix inquired.

"I guess," she answered.

Phoenix tried to open the doors, but there was a lock the them.

"Dammit."

"Relax, daddy," Trucy said, pulling out a hairpin. "I got this. Gimme thirty seconds."


Trucy: *gasp* W-WHAAT?!? ME!?

Apollo: Geez, calm down Trucy. It's actually pretty cool to know how to pick locks!

Trucy: Yeah, but I would do it with magic! I wouldn't need any bobby pins like some thief! I've got more class than that!

???: Did someone say thief?

[Everyone looks up. Kay is hanging from a rope ladder in the ceiling. Hey, long time no see, Kay!]

Phoenix: Kay! I haven't seen you enter the theatre like this in… a very, very long time!

Apollo: Yeah, I thought the management figured out a way around that?

Kay: Mwahahaha, I have my ways! Besides, this place has been empty for months, so no one's even been around to see what I was doing! And Trucy, you should know better! A thief is very classy!

Trucy: *pouts*

Apollo: (I think the author managed to offend Trucy…)

Kay: Well anyway, I've got things to do, truth to steal. See ya later! *smoke bombs away*

Phoenix: Huh, it was nice to see her, actually.

Apollo: *shouts* Wait, come back! Take me with you!

[Silence]

Apollo: Dammit.

Quote:
She knelt down and stuck a pin into the lock. Not even thirty second later, I heard a click and the sound of metal dropping heavily onto the ground.

Holy crap!

"Done."

"Trucy, when did you learn to pick a lock like that?" asked Apollo.

"Oh, the last time Daddy visited Mr. Edgeworth a few years ago, his assistant Kay taught me how."


Phoenix: Ah, good ol' Kay being a bad influence as always. I should probably talk to Edgeworth about that.

Apollo: But you've got to admit it's a useful ability.

Phoenix: Useful, yes. But I don't want Trucy involved in criminal activity like that.

Apollo: *looks at Trucy still pouting* Trust me, I don't think you need to worry about that.

Quote:
"Remind me not to take you there when Kay comes," Phoenix said under his breath. I noticed there was some pain in his eyes when Trucy said "Edgeworth".


Phoenix: Ah, of course. The good ol' "Phoenix stopped talking to his old friends after he was disbarred" headcannon. That's a good one.

Apollo: It was probably used to write some angst fanfics, right?

Phoenix: Of course. Everyone just loves some character tension fueled by angst, after all.

Quote:
"That's quite enough."

I turned and saw James pointing a gun straight at us.


Trucy: Wow, you were right on the money, daddy.

Apollo: (Looks like she gained some of her spirit back…)

Phoenix: Well, I have to admit that I'm not that great of a predictor, haha. The person writing this sporking already knew-

Speakers: WOAH, stop right there! I'm cool with some fourth wall breaking but I'm drawing the line at meta like this! Only some minor fourth wall breaking is allowed, OK?

Phoenix: *shrugs* It was worth a shot.

[The lights turns on, illuminating the haphazardly cleaned theatre.]

Phoenix: *stretches* Well, glad that's over. Now let's-

Speakers: Not so fast, today's session is a double feature. I'm just giving ya'll a moment to stretch your legs.

Apollo: Gee, thanks.

Speakers: No problem!

Trucy: Hmmm, management? Did you notice how dusty this place is?

Speakers: Yes, we don't have a Janitor anymore. I cleaned the best I could this morning, I'll do a more deep cleaning later. Now if you would all return to your seats-

Trucy: Have no fear, management! Polly will clean for you!

Apollo: *sputter* Wh-Wh-WHATTT? Like I would ever help this theatre run this… this business!

Trucy: Polly, you forget that I'm the head of Wright Anything Agency! So when I give you a job, you do it!

Phoenix: *shrugs* Hey, she's the boss.

Apollo: *grumbles*

Speakers: Well, thank you for the help! Now let's roll the fic!

Spoiler: Chapter 5
Quote:
Chapter 5
Gunpoint


Apollo: Oooh, I'm on the edge of my seat. *rolls eyes*

Trucy: Me too! What do you think's going to happen, daddy?

Phoenix: Heh, I don't know, Trucy. Let's just keep reading to find out.

Apollo: Sigh…

Quote:
"It's over'" James said. "Give me the bracelet and go in peace."

"Hey! No one threatens my daughter without dealing with me first!" Phoenix screamed, getting all riled up.

Phoenix ran up and punched James in the face.


Phoenix: Woah, way to go, fic-me! Usually that's Apollo's trademark.

Apollo: Hey, that was literally only twice out of all this time that you've known me! It's not my "trademark!"

Trucy: Hmmm, but it's kind of a cool trademark? After all, if you're willing to just go up to strangers and punch them in the face, then you must be pretty fearless!

Apollo: F-Fearless? Hmmm, I actually like the sound of that…

Trucy: …Until I remember how pale you get when you think about heights, hehe.

Apollo: …Way to ruin my coolness, Trucy.

Quote:
James, not expecting this, fires the gun, but missed. Phoenix tackles James to the ground.

"Daddy!" screeched Trucy.

Apollo turned and pushed Trucy and I into the warehouse. I heard him stick a board into the handles of the door on the outside.

"Apollo!" I yelled as I banged on the door to get out. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Let us out, Polly!" Trucy shouted.

"It's for your own good! Obviously the charm is important so you guys have to get it!" Apollo argued.


Phoenix: I'm not too sure about that. I don't think some silly bracelet is really worth risking out lives over.

Apollo: Agreed.

Trucy: Also fic-Polly is kind of dumb here. What if something bad happens to him and daddy? How are Micki and I going to get out of the warehouse if there's no one to remove the wooden plank from the doors?

Apollo: Yeah, that was really dumb of fic-me.

Quote:
"Don't be ridiculous, it's just a charm!" Trucy shot back.


Everyone: Agreed.

Quote:
"I'm not going to argue about this! I'm going to go help Mr. Wright!" Apollo retorted. "Just get that charm!"

I heard Apollo's heavy footsteps as he ran away.

"POLLY! APOLLO! LET US OUT!" Trucy hollered.

I sighed. "Trucy, calm down. Just take a deep breath and relax."

"I can't! Daddy and Polly are out there and they could be dead!"


Phoenix: I mean, we're probably not dead yet, Apollo just locked the door a second ago. I'm pretty sure we're smart enough to hold our own for at least a few minutes.

Apollo: Yeah, but fic-Trucy is the only character so far who has some sense here. Mr. Wright and I are just being reckless over some dumb bracelet for some girl we barely even know.

Quote:
"Trucy, they're trying to protect us. I'm sure they'll be fine. Do you need a hug?"

Trucy grabbed onto me and gripped me tightly.

Damn, I hope what I said is true. They better not be dead.

Trucy sighed. "Let's do this."


Phoenix: Wow, apparently Micki is really good at comforting people, because after just one hug Trucy seems to forget that we could be dead.

Apollo: Yeah, Trucy, I thought you cared.

Trucy: Aww, but I do! See, fic-me is just trusting you guys to take down James!

Apollo: …Well, that's actually in your character…

Trucy: See! You guys should trust me, too!

Quote:
We took a look around. Inside fishing boats, inside crates and barrels, hanging off of hooks and lures.

Oh, where the hell is it?

"Hey, what's that up there?" Trucy questioned.

I squinted at a little brown and white thing hanging from the ceiling, but I couldn't tell what it was.

"I can't see it, it's to high up," I said.

Trucy jumped onto a crate, climbing onto bigger storage boxes. She peered at the item.

"It's a rabbit charm with a piece of paper!" she shouted to me. "I think I can reach it!"


Apollo: Oh good, let's see if this rabbit was really worth all the trouble.

Phoenix: I really don't think so, Apollo…

Quote:
I saw her slowly try to grab the charm. She reached for the charm, but each time she failed to even grip the rabbit. As she neared the edge, I became more and more worried.

"Oh god, please be okay."

Trucy got as close to the edge as possible. I extended her arm out towards the rabbit.


Trucy: Wait, why did Micki extend my arm for me? Couldn't I do it myself?

Phoenix: Hahaha, you know how these fics are, Trucy. The perfect character insert has to do everything, even things the other characters are supposed to do!

Trucy: Aw, but that's no fun!

Quote:
The her hands surrounded the little charm and paper. She pulled on the item, but she lost her balance. She fell headfirst onto a crate about twelve feet from where she was standing.

"Trucy!" I shouted as I rapidly climbed the boxes. "Are you okay?"

"Yo!" she shouted back. "I'm fine! I got the charm!"

I reached her. Trucy was sitting up with a smile on her face. The charm hung from her grip.

"Let's put this thing on!" she exclaimed.


Apollo: Just like last time, I find it so funny how in these bad situations, everyone is more worried about new fashion accessories.

Trucy: I mean, we did go through all this trouble for it. We might as well admire it when we have the chance, I guess.

Quote:
I held out my wrist and she clipped the charm to my bracelet. A bright green light flashed from my bracelet.

"Did you hear something?" asked Trucy.

I shook my head.

I guess she's experiencing what happened to me.

Trucy shrugged her shoulders. "Let's get outta here."


Apollo: I'm curious to see how you guys are going to do that, since idiot fic-me blocked the door from the outside. Now that I think about it, that's even more idiotic than I first thought. If James wanted to get to you, all he has to do is remove the wood I put there.

Trucy: *pats Apollo on the back* There there, Polly, I know you were just panicked and did the first thing you thought would help. It's not your fault that fic-you's first thought was something dumb.

Apollo: Not really changing my opinion there, Trucy…

Quote:
We climbed down the mountain of crates and ran to the door. Then I remembered that Apollo stopped the door.

Crap.

"Polly! Daddy! We got the charm, let us out!" Trucy yelled as she banged on the door.

"Somebody let us out!" I screamed.

We waited, for about seven minutes. No one answered.


Phoenix: So what were Trucy and Micki doing for those seven minutes? Just sitting there and staring at the door, doing nothing but breathing?

Apollo: …That's a weird question, Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: *shrugs* I can't help but think about that every time I read about something similar. Seven minutes is a long time, after all.

Quote:
"Hey, a saw!" said Trucy as she ran for the tool.


Trucy: Wow, look at the power of this convenient saw lying right there! If that wasn't there, Micki and I would be trapped in there until the end of time! Isn't that just amazing!?

Apollo: That reminds me of this game I played once that had a self-aware running gag where when the main character was in bad situations, he would randomly yell "Just what I need!" and run over to a box labeled "just what you need."

Trucy: Hahaha, I like that! At least they were smart enough to make it self aware. Can we have that in our games?

Phoenix: Hahaha, that's nice, but I don't think so.

Trucy: Aww…

[Micki and Trucy manage to saw the wood in half through the crack between the doors.]

Quote:
We pushed on the door. We were met by a horrifying sight. Blood was all over the ground. Puddles of it were everywhere.

Oh my god...

"Daddy!" Trucy shrieked.


Phoenix: P-Puddles? Everywhere? Well that's it, we're dead.

Apollo: Aw, couldn't we at least die in a cooler way?

Trucy: Hmm, well if there actually were big puddles, then you guys should be dead. But I bet you two are going to live with nothing more than a few scratches!

Apollo: …You're probably right.

Quote:
I saw Phoenix laying on his stomach. His beanie had fallen off and landed on the ground. Trucy and I ran up to him and turned him over. There was a wound in his stomach and a large gash in his left shoulder with blood gushing out. His face and skin were pale like a vampire's. I looked up and saw Apollo unconscious on his back. I ran up to him. There was a knife in his thigh and a gun wound in his right shoulder. Both had blood flowing out of it. I looked around. James was nowhere to be seen.

"I called 911,'" Trucy said. "They'll be here soon. Hickfield isn't too far away."


Trucy: Hey, that's right! If James really wanted the charm, why didn't he come after me and Micki after dealing with you guys?

Apollo: Meh, plot convenience. In any case, do you canonically have a cell phone, Trucy?

Trucy: Hmmm, I don't know. Why wouldn't I?

Apollo: Well, the games seem to like to push the fact that Mr. Wright is always broke… and he still has a Nokia cellphone from like, 2003.

Phoenix: …I'm pretty sure the Nokia phone is just a running gag at this point, hahaha.

Quote:
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We sat quietly without a word in the waiting room. It's the kind of silence that you want to talk but you're too shocked to. I looked at Trucy. She was gripping her father's beanie so tightly she looked liked she would rip it apart.


Phoenix: Hey, thanks for caring, Trucy.

Trucy: Of course! You can rely on me, Daddy!

Quote:
Phoenix and Apollo had required emergency surgery. They've been in for a couple hours. It feels like forever since we were in the warehouse. Then I heard the song "Guilty Love" go off. It was Trucy's phone.

"It's Mr. Gavin. I'll let it ring," she said.


Trucy: I wonder why Prosecutor Gavin is calling me?

Apollo: Watch him be the next person who needs to find a charm.

Trucy: But what about you?

Phoenix: Since the author seems to be pushing Apollo as the love interest, he'll probably be saved for last.

Apollo: *grumble* I don't want to be the love interest…

[The nurse appears, and after saying that Phoenix and Apollo will make a full recovery, she allows Micki and Trucy to visit.]

Quote:
The nurse reached the door at the end of the hall. She opened it. Phoenix and Apollo were still passed out in their beds. They each had bags full of blood flowing into their arm.

"They'll be asleep for a few hours," the nurse told us. "I'll leave you two alone. When they wake up, just give them the painkillers the doctor left."


Phoenix: What? Why is the nurse entrusting two strangers to do her job for her? That sounds like some sort of violation.

Apollo: Hmm, want to sue?

Phoenix: No thanks, I've never dealt with a civil case like that.

Apollo: …Right. Just wait until you meet Paul Atishon…

Phoenix: …Who? That sounds like a dumb name.

Apollo: Tell me about it.

Quote:
The nurse shut the door and left us alone. Trucy walked over to her father.

Holy shit, is his hair natural? They can't be, it's too spiky!


Phoenix: Ah yes, hair jokes. But to answer the question, *runs hand over hair* my hair is completely natural. No hair gel here!

Trucy: Unlike Polly, right? Hahaha!

Apollo: …

Quote:
I saw Trucy pick up her father's head and stuck his beanie over his hair. She stood by her father, gripping his hand.

I walked over to Apollo. He was still wearing that weird bracelet.

How the hell do you take that off?


Apollo: Just like any other bracelet.

Trucy: …But doesn't it respond to your body heat and tighten up so it will always fit snug?

Apollo: …What? You have some really strange ideas, Trucy.

Speakers: Actually, I was always under the same impression. How else would it let you know to use your perceive ability?

Apollo: Really? Well in that case, I guess it expands when it feels the heat while I push it through my hand? I don't know, I've never really thought about it. I just take it off.

Quote:
I sat next to his bed and watched his chest rise and fall. These two idiots gave me such as scare, but Apollo had gone into shock from blood loss. Apparently the bullet hit an artery and he lost a lot of blood. Phoenix got lucky. He was shot near his stomach, but the bullet didn't do much damage. Though he lost blood from the wound in his shoulder.

I wish none of this ever happened. I wish I could turn back the clock.


Phoenix: Well, I can! Once this is over we'll use the teleporter and I'll go back to my time.


[The lights turn on.]

Phoenix: Well, I guess it really is over. Are we going to read another chapter?

Speakers: Not right now, I'm tired. Another day we will continue this fic. Now, everyone go home!

Apollo: Wow, you're really eager for us to leave.

Trucy: You are too, Polly. You always hate coming here.

Apollo: Yeah, you're right.

[Apollo and Trucy wave goodbye to Phoenix as the blue light from the teleporter begins to encase him. And thus ends another sporking adventure. Hope to see you all next time!]
Author:  Chloe [ Tue Nov 03, 2020 10:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
I’m still very fond of this thread and sporks.

I love how it has 69 pages.
Author:  Nepeta [ Thu Dec 03, 2020 11:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Hah, the bad fics sporked in these are really making me feel better about the crazy prompt I'm writing something for (it has something to do with Engarde). Some nostalgia of 2016 isn't complete without reading these.
Author:  Emerald Objects [ Mon Mar 29, 2021 3:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
This post has been deleted. Deleted is this post. There is no more evidence of my misdeeds!
Author:  Emerald Objects [ Mon Mar 29, 2021 3:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Also, any SOJ fics to spork? We haven't really seen any here.
Author:  mujie [ Fri Apr 30, 2021 2:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
I'd love to try my hand at sporking. Are there any good bad AA fanfics unsporked yet?
Author:  Emerald Objects [ Sat May 01, 2021 2:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
mujie wrote:
I'd love to try my hand at sporking. Are there any good bad AA fanfics unsporked yet?

this.
Author:  mujie [ Wed May 12, 2021 9:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Emerald Objects wrote:
mujie wrote:
I'd love to try my hand at sporking. Are there any good bad AA fanfics unsporked yet?

this.

Thanks. Imma try sporking that on the weekend or something. Should be fun.
Author:  FeenieForSmash [ Sat Jul 10, 2021 5:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Is the Sporking Theatre closed for good? If so, it's a crying shame because this whole thread was such a treat to read.
Author:  DisasterInPlainSight [ Thu Oct 28, 2021 12:50 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
FeenieForSmash wrote:
Is the Sporking Theatre closed for good? If so, it's a crying shame because this whole thread was such a treat to read.


I think it's just inactive, that's all. I didn't want this thread to be over so fast either, so I sporked a fanfic! :butzthumbs:

Sorry if I'm beating a dead horse here. I'm pretty new here, but here goes nothing...

WARNING: This is pretty NSFW, so it's off the site. So mods, please don't kill me...
A secret told (I hope it's the right URL.)
Author:  DisasterInPlainSight [ Sat Dec 25, 2021 9:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Happy Holidays! I’m putting this in a bit later, but it just so happens that my sporking is ready to be published.

Fanfic: Guilty Love (Ch. 15)
Inspiration: This sporking right here

Rating: :sahwit:

Ehhh...not sure about this one, folks. It’s not bad. Most of the characters are in character, and the grammar is proper. Overall, it’s one of the more tamer fics out there. But some issues I have are: the main idea isn’t focused as much and some of the details are unnecessary.

I’m quite tired, so apologies for making it so boring. Enjoy.

And now for our esteemed sporkers!

Phoenix Wright!
:nick-sweat: “Oh boy. Today’s my lucky day, isn’t it?”
Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: “I’m surprised they held up their end of the bargain this time.”
Larry Butz!
:butz: “WOAH! Nick, Edgey! You didn’t tell me this place is still alive!?”

and Franziska von Karm-
:ka-whip:
AAAAAAAAGHHH!
:whip: “Foolish fools who didn’t foolishly tell me that this foolish excuse of a theatre is still open!"


[Even though it’s been a few months since the last sporking, the fear lingers on in their minds. That one day, those two might get dragged back in the Sporking Theatre... But anyway! They’re coming, and with a pair of equally (un)happy sporkers.]

Phoenix: Aw geez...Not here. Anywhere but here.

Larry: Maybe it’s something good this time?

Edgeworth: Larry, stop lying to yourself. Today’s going to be as bad as it always gets. Although, it’s quite a surprise that the Management kept their promise about us being in here.

Larry: Well, if it goes south, at least I’m doing it with my best pals!

Phoenix: (That’s...actually kind of heartwarming. But his naivety is also extremely troubling...)

Edgeworth: I’ve actually heard that there is another person joining us.

Phoenix: What? Who is it?

Larry: Is it a cute girl?

Phoenix: (Of course his first thought was a girl.) Huh? What’s that sound? It sounds like it’s charging right at us...

Edgeworth: This sound is something I’m all too familiar with. Everyone, brace yourselves.

Phoenix: But wh-

*crack*

Phoenix: YEEEOOOOWCH!

Larry: Now this sound is something I’m all too familiar with. It can only be…

Franziska: Phoenix Wright! Larry Butz! And especially Miles Edgeworth! Why on earth didn’t you tell me that we’re sporking a horrible fanfiction?!

Larry: Franzy! How’s your reading of Franzy’s Whippity Whip-

*crack*

Larry: TRIIIIIIIIP!

Franziska: Quiet, you fool! I was talking to Miles Edgeworth!

Edgeworth: (Or about to, anyway.) Franziska, I assure you that we didn’t know there was a future sporking session planned.

Franziska: Hmph. As expected from the pariah of the von Karma family.

Phoenix: Um… I suppose you’re here because you’re in it, right?

Franziska: I imagine that I am. Though, I hope this time it will not be as bad as the others.

Phoenix: Alright then. Well, uh, Management. I guess we’re starting.

Speakers: Sounds good. Narrator, you know the drill.

[Yes sir. Everyone is seated, and the lights turn off.]

Spoiler:
Quote:
Hey guys! So, I got my first M/M request. (That took a really long time, I'm surprised). Here's how I'm going to go with this: There are a lot of extremely creepy M/M pairings, and I don't want to write the weird ones. So please, unless it's your OTP, I'd prefer straight relationships. Thanks.

Edgeworth: I do understand where they’re coming from.

Phoenix: Although, there’s nothing inherently wrong with gay relationships. Just stick to the non-creepy ones if that’s what you want, and write it like any other story.

Quote:
Today, though, is going to be Larry and Franziska. Some of you wanted crack, some of you didn't, so… Yeah. I'm just going to improvise.

Larry & Franziska: !

Franziska: I’m paired with this buffoon?! This is unacceptable!

Larry: Eh heh heh. Franzy’s a beautiful girl, you know.

Phoenix: Careful Larry, don’t provoke her.

All: …

*crack*

Larry: OW OW OW! I complimented you!

Phoenix: Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Quote:
(O)
I never thought a whip could be used like this.
She hooked me around my waist, and pulled me towards her.

Edgeworth: Oh dear. My head’s already aching.

Phoenix: I think everyone knows where this is going, and I don’t like it.

Franziska: *already fuming*

Quote:
Her lips crashed into mine, and the sloppy, passionate kiss left me breathless. "Mmm, yes, you fool," she said as we broke apart. I went in for another kiss, and she responded eagerly. As we broke apart, her teeth gently closed around my bottom lip, stretching it towards her.

Franziska: *sigh* I must control myself. As a prosecutor and a von Karma, I need to be calm and collected.

Phoenix: (I’ve never seen her holding this much contempt back…)

Edgeworth: Franziska, please remember it’s just some nonsense fanfiction.

Larry: …

Phoenix: (Whew. Good thing Larry’s not spewing any more garble out of his big mouth, or she would’ve lost it.)

Quote:
"Larry," she called.
"What is it, babe?"
"Larry!"

Larry: Who the heck is calling me?! *sees the word ‘babe’* Actually, I take it back.

Everyone else: ?

Quote:
"What is it?"
"Larry! It's time for breakfast! Wake up!"
I opened my eyes to find a pillow being hurled at me. Phoenix was standing in the door.
Oh, right. I was staying at the Wright's house for the week.

Phoenix: Huh? Larry is staying at MY place?!

Larry: The author does know I have my own pad, right? Also, I don’t typically call him Wright. It’s Nick!

Phoenix: Nevermind that! I guess it’s not enough for me to pay rent for somebody else!

Edgeworth: I’m surprised. You usually don’t have many cases to support your living arrangement. Even then, most clients don’t pay you.

Franziska: Don’t forget that you have a daughter to care for.

Phoenix: (Ugh. Please don’t remind me…)

Quote:
"I'm up, I'm up! Geez, Nick!"
"Are you sure, babe?"
"Did I say that out loud?" I groaned.

Phoenix: B-Babe?!

Edgeworth: It’s tiring to see you this bemused. I thought you knew this theatre from top to bottom.

Phoenix: That doesn’t mean I can’t express my emotions!

Larry: Man, it’s kinda frightening to think that Nick’s my lover.

Edgeworth: It’s not that frightening once you’ve been here as much as I have.

Phoenix: Wait, it’s a Larry x Franziska fic, so…

Franziska: Foolish fool! Don’t remind me of the premise!

Quote:
"Yes. Who exactly were you dreaming about? It had better not be my daughter, or I'll be defending myself in a murder case."

Phoenix: I do care a lot about Trucy, but I wouldn’t kill anyone for her…right?

Edgeworth: That quiver at the end is very telling, Wright.

Franziska: It’s quite amusing since that is exactly what I think you would do.

Larry: Don’t worry Nick, I believe you wouldn't kill me!

Phoenix: (…Thanks.)

Quote:
"No, it's not her. It's another chick."
"It had better be. Trucy made pancakes. And you had better at least pretend that you like them."

Phoenix: Pretend? What do you mean pretend?

Edgeworth: I have a feeling that your daughter had put something “unconventional” in them.

Franziska: But she’d at least cook marginally better than you, Phoenix Wright.

Phoenix: Honestly, I agree. Trucy’s pancakes may not be the best, but they’re a sweet hint of family in them.

Quote:
"Are they going to be like the omelets she made yesterday?"
"She likes peanut butter, and she likes chocolate, and she likes potato chips, and she likes cherry pie filling, and she likes pickles, and she likes omelets. She just doesn't like them all together."
"I don't, either."
"I think the pancakes should be halfway normal. I didn't see any farfetched ingredients."

Edgeworth: As I suspected. Your daughter is quite a special case, Wright.

Phoenix: Thanks.

Franziska: He was saying that sarcastically. Learn to read verbal clues!

*crack*

Phoenix: AGH!

[The lights suddenly start flickering. The ground also starts quaking.]

Larry: What the heck?!

Franziska: Fools! What foolish incompetency let this happen?

Edgeworth: *curled up into a ball, shaking in fear*

Phoenix: What the…?

[The lights are finally off, and the tremors stop.]

Speakers: This establishment is truly miserable. So I came here to help.

Phoenix: Eh? Who are you?

Speakers: It doesn’t take a genius to know you four are struggling.

[Then, a spotlight focuses on Phoenix.]

Speakers: Especially you…Daddy.

All: !!

Phoenix: T-Trucy?! What are YOU doing here?

Speakers: My intuition never fails, remember?

Larry: Woah, you have a butt-kicking daughter, Nick!

Edgeworth: How did you get past the Management?

Speakers: I subdued them with the art of chloroform!

Franziska: Phoenix Wright! How could you let your daughter access such dangerous chemicals?! You should be ashamed!

Phoenix: Ack! I-I‘m sorry, okay? I’m trying my best to take care of her...

Speakers: This author is making some bold assumptions about me, so I’m gonna debunk them. Get ready for Trucy’s Telling Truths, folks! Starting now!

Spoiler:
Quote:
I staggered out of bed, leaving my dreams of Franzie behind. I stumbled into the kitchen to find a ten year old girl looking at me, excitedly. "Hi, Mr. Larry! I made you breakfast!"

Speakers: Wait, so I’m TEN in this?

Edgeworth: That actually explains a lot of the bad cooking.

Speakers: I’ll have you know I try my hardest, Mr. Edgeworth!

Phoenix: I mean, this is ten-year-old fic-you. Sorry Trucy, but I have to side with Edgeworth on this one.

Franziska: At least this fool isn’t fantasizing about me anymore.

Quote:
"Oh, you did? That's great." I looked down at my plate of pancakes. Huh. They did look pretty normal. I cut a piece off with my fork, and took a bite. It was terrible. I choked, and Phoenix glared at me. "Can you get me a glass of water, Trucy? These pancakes are so good, I let them go down the wrong pipe."

Larry: Those pancakes must’ve been very bad if I choked on them. And as you know, I eat just about anything.

Edgeworth: Even if it was something highly toxic?

Larry: Erm...maybe not everything…

Phoenix: Speaking of, Trucy doesn’t usually make anything “terrible”.

Franziska: Also speaking of, a person should never lie about their true feelings, not even if their father was perfect. You’re a scoundrel, Larry Butz and Phoenix Wright!

*crack, crack*

Larry & Phoenix: AUUUUUUUUGH!

Quote:
"I knew that they'd be yummy! I added a whole bottle of vanilla!"
"Trucy loves her vanilla," Phoenix added.

Phoenix: Especially with her pudding cups.

Edgeworth: Why would she add that much vanilla? I thought she did all the cooking for you two.

Speakers: That’s because fic-me doesn’t have common sense.

Quote:
"So, Daddy, what are we going to do today?" the little demon asked.

Phoenix: Why you little-!

Edgeworth: Calm down. It’s just fiction.

Larry: Well, if someone added a whole bottle of vanilla to my pancakes, I’d call them demons too.

Phoenix: …Why you little-!

Edgeworth: Calm down. It’s just Larry.

Quote:
"Oh, well Edgeworth and Franziska are going off on an another Interpol mission today. They'll be leaving soon. We're going to the airport to see them go."
"They're leaving again? How long are they gonna be gone?" I asked.
"They didn't say. Anywhere from a month to a year," Phoenix replied, choking down a pancake with a smile.

Franziska: At least we’re doing honest work, unlike this man right here.

Phoenix: H-hey!

Larry: Interpol mission? I think I was involved in one of those…

Edgeworth: Yes, and you thought Santa was real during one.

Larry: No one told me he wasn’t real!

Edgeworth: Did you forget how to use your brain?

Quote:
"Aww, but Mr. Edgeworth is so much fun!" Trucy whined.
"You have an interesting definition of fun, kid," I replied.
"So Larry, you're coming with, aren't you?" Phoenix asked.
"Of course, Nick! What kind of friend do you think I am?!"
"I plead the fifth," he retorted.

Phoenix: Not a spectacular friend, to be honest.

Larry: What?! I’m obviously the best friend anyone could have! Back me up, Edgey!

Edgeworth: …

Larry: *sniff* Is this what you guys think of me? *sniff* W-well, I’m cutting off all contact!

Franziska: If you really want to be a good friend, then leave behind your cowardly ways, you simpleton!

*crack*

Larry: OWWWWWWW!

Quote:
"What's the fifth?" Trucy asked.
"It's the right to remain silent," Phoenix replied.
"Oh." She stuffed a pancake in her cheeks, and she strongly resembled a chipmunk.

Speakers: I already know the fifth! Daddy taught me in one of his interesting yet boring lectures about law!

Quote:
"So, we should get going," Phoenix said eventually.
"But you guys only had one pancake!" Trucy grumbled.
"I'm not very hungry," I replied. "But they were very good." She glared at me.
"You're lying."

Larry: Huh? What makes you say that?

Quote:
"Huh? What makes you say that?"

All: …

Larry: I-Is this fic watching me?

Edgeworth: It’s merely a coincidence.

Quote:
"Your right eye twitches whenever you lie. Plus, my pancakes tasted gross," she smirked.
"Nick! What's up with your kid?! I don't twitch my eye when I lie! And I wasn't lying!"
"Hee hee, your eye twitched again." Trucy grinned innocently.
"Trucy's got a built in lie detector. She's pretty good at finding these kinds of things," Phoenix added.

Phoenix: Ha ha, yeah. I’m so proud of my Trucy!

Speakers: Heh heh. Thanks Daddy!

Larry: H-H-Hey Nick, a-am I really twitching that m-much?

Franziska: You don’t need to ask him to know that you’re shaking violently.

Quote:
"Daddy, you should get us McDonald's on the way to the airport," Trucy said.
"I agree."

Speakers: Huh? But I thought we'd already eaten my “terrible” pancakes. Why’d we need to buy more food?

Phoenix: The fic did say you, Larry, and I ate one pancake each. Maybe we’re hungry?

Speakers: If we wanted McDonald’s, why cook in the first place?

Phoenix: Well, um…

Edgeworth: Give it up, Wright. Logic doesn’t exist in fanfiction.

Quote:
(O)
After getting two McMuffins and a happy meal ("But Daddy! You never get me happy meals! How am I supposed to be happy if I never get to eat a happy meal?!"), we had arrived at the airport.

Larry: Well duh, getting a happy meal = happy. It’s in the name!

Quote:
I saw Franziska in the distance, next to Edgeworth. I'd give just about anything to trade places with him, just to be by her side. He didn't know what he had.

Phoenix: Oh yeah. I’ve almost forgotten that Larry’s the centerpiece of this fic.

Franziska: Hrngh! Foolish fool!

*crack*

Larry: AUGH! I didn’t say anything!

Franziska: Fic-you did, and you’re the closest thing to him!

Quote:
"Mr. Edgey! Miss Franzy!" Trucy ran up to them, and hugged Edgeworth's leg. He looked down at her awkwardly, and patted her on the head.

Edgeworth: *sigh* If this ever happens, please train her not to do this.

Speakers: I’m no dog, Mr. Edgeworth!

Quote:
Me and Phoenix walked up to them a moment later, and Franziska was threatening the little girl with her whip.
"Ooh! Miss Franzy, can I try?"
"My name is NOT Franzy. And no, you'll get yourself killed."
"Please? Miss Franziska?" Franziska glanced at me.

Franziska: Killed? With my whip? I dare not to kill anyone and splatter blood all over this.

Phoenix: So you would kill anyone as long as it’s not your whip?

Franziska: That’s not what I’m implying, Phoenix Wright!

Edgeworth: Is everyone going to gloss over the fact that a grown woman threatened a little girl?

Quote:
"You're only allowed to hit him and your father." She handed Trucy the whip, and she immediately started whirling it around. Phoenix snatched it out of the air with one hand, causing the spinning Trucy to fall over.

Phoenix: (Of course the only condition is to only hit me and Larry. Of course.)

Larry: Woah Nick! How’d you catch that thing with one hand?! You’re like the second person who could ever do that!

Phoenix: The power of a sensible dad, perhaps?

Quote:
"No weapons in the airport, Trucy."
"Then how come Miss Franziska gets to play with it?" she whined.
"She's a member of the police force, so she has special privileges."

Edgeworth: Just because you’re part of the police force does not mean you can whip whoever and whenever.

Franziska: What’s that, little brother?

Edgeworth: All I am saying is, you don’t have the right to that much freedom, Franziska.

Quote:
"How can I get special privileges?" Trucy whined.
"Stop spinning weapons around," Franziska retorted. "Then you might have a chance."
"What's the point of having weapons if you can't use them?" she complained.

Speakers: They make it sound like I’m some war criminal!

Phoenix: Well you do catch criminals with Apollo, that’s for sure.

Edgeworth: On a side note, please don’t let your daughter near weapons as well.

Speakers: A bit too late for that…

Edgeworth: Wright!

Phoenix: I may or may not know about that…

Quote:
"Franziska, our plane is about to leave," Edgeworth interrupted. Trucy looked up at him, and glared evilly. She pulled off his cravat, and ran. Edgeworth and Phoenix followed, shouting.

Edgeworth: NGHOOOOOOOOOOH!

Franziska: Looks like your foolish excuse of a cravat was taken. That was truly a blessing in disguise.

Phoenix: Trucy, what did I say about taking other people’s stuff, and glaring at them evilly?

Speakers: Not to steal, and to put on a smile. I know, Daddy.

Edgeworth: (She’s done this more than once?! Just what kind of child is Wright raising?)

Quote:
"That foolish fool, foolishly raising a foolish fool of a foolish child," Franziska huffed. "Well, I am taking my seat on the plane." She turned and began walking away.
"Wait! Franziska!" I called, running up to her.
"What is it? I have a plane to catch." Her blue-gray eyes pierced through mine, and I knew there was only one thing that I could do.

Larry: Am I…?

Phoenix: Are you…?

Edgeworth: Will he…?

Franziska: Surely not? Otherwise…

Quote:
"Forgive me."
"What? Wh-oomph!" I crashed my lips into hers, for a single moment. When she shoved me away, she began whipping me until I passed out. I probably deserved it.

Franziska: *enraged* LARRY BUTZ!

Larry: Huh?

*crack*

Larry: OW!

Franziska: You will NEVER…

*crack*

Franziska: …kiss me…

*crack*

Franziska: …even if you dream of it…!

*crack*

Larry: OWEWOWOWOWOOW!

Quote:
I dreamed of her, of course.

Franziska: And one more for good measure!

*whipping frenzy ensues*

[Larry lays on the floor unconscious. Alongside him are his many whip marks imprinted on his skin.]

Phoenix & Edgeworth: …

Phoenix: Management! Call an ambulance!

Speakers: Daddy, I am the Management!

Phoenix: Oh.

Edgeworth: Well then, please hurry and find a module that sends an ambulance!

Speakers: Alright, I’m trying! I’m trying! …Found it! They should be here any second now…

[An ambulance is immediately rushed on the scene and takes Larry away. Phoenix is talking with a nearby paramedic.]

Phoenix: Will he be fine?

Paramedic: The lashes aren’t too deep to cause life-threatening issues. He should be patched up and ready to go in a few weeks.

Phoenix: Oh thank goodness.

[All the medical officers and paramedics leave the scene.]

[The lights turn on.]

Edgeworth: I retract my earlier statement. This wasn’t as bad as I expected.

Phoenix: It definitely wasn’t as vomit-inducing as the last one.

Franziska: Apart from the plot, there certainly isn’t much to say about it.

Larry: Hey, that was pretty cool! Me, with the famous Franzy of Franzy’s Whippity Whip-

*crack*

Larry: OW- wait, that didn’t hurt!

All: Larry?!

Phoenix: But I thought he was hospitalized?

Speakers: I told the officer to put a microphone on him so he could say his final thoughts if he regained consciousness!

Franziska: That sounds ingenious yet oddly cruel of you.

Phoenix: (Says the one that whipped him unconscious.)

Larry: I may sound raspy, but that won’t stop me from being with my Fran…zy…

Paramedic: *through microphone* Sorry, he dozed off again.

Speakers: No worries. Anyway, I gotta get out of here. The real Management’s waking up soon.

Phoenix: I guess that’s our cue. Shall we?

Edgeworth and Franziska: Of course.

[They all leave the Sporking Theatre. What will happen next? Will the theatre bite the dust? Or will a miracle happen? Find out next…or not!]

[But hours later…]

Speakers: Hrngh… What happened? Why am I tied up? Do you know of this, Narrator?

[None whatsoever.]

Speakers: Well, if we find that you’re lying, then your salary’s on the chopping block, got it?

[Y-yes sir!]
Author:  Pepper Cake [ Fri Mar 04, 2022 12:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Hello! I don't know if this forum was now dead or just inactive. It's really enjoying to read. Any suggestion if I can write one? :phoenix:
Author:  Pepper Cake [ Sun Mar 06, 2022 3:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
SPORKING SESSION COMMENCE
THE RE-OPENING

Trucy in Edgeworthland
by DAKOOLGUY RISE FROM ASHES
Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit:
A/N:
That’s going to be my first sporking fiction. I enjoyed some of the sporking fics here (especially DJJ680's) in this forum, even though it is inactive. So, why not write one? And I welcome any advice and comment on this.

Ok, let’s go for the context. Does anyone still know about Dakoolguy? Yeah, the writer of John Phoenix stories. It is safe to say that he creates another (yes, not the first one) havoc to the Ace Attorney section of Fanfiction.net as I try to find a better story here. So, it is a pity for authors who creates an actual good story, and it seems most of them are migrating for A03.

My take on the story? I guess this sporking fiction gives the explanation for this. That’s the reason why sporking exists. It’s going to be a bit of a rant. And...

What will be another creation of Dakoolguy? An angel bullet? A robo-Gant or robo-von Karma? A bloody shenanigans and mess of John Phoenix?



Phoenix: Great. You’re going with Apollo Justice-sound level...

Trucy: With Ema-Skye-blood level.



Trucy: OH MY IN THE WORLD OF MAGICAL PANTIES!!

[Phoenix covers Trucy’ eyes]

Phoenix: What in the world?



(Minutes ago...)


Sporking Theatre
March 6, 2029 | 7:00 pm


There is no time to waste...

Introducing the sporkers for the revival of this Theatre...

:think-pw: PHOENIX WRIGHT
“This guy doesn’t catch a break, huh?”

:trucy: TRUCY WRIGHT
“Oh boy, here we go again.”

And the master of the sporkers.

:edgeworth: MILES EDGEWORTH
“Because there is a reemergence of that author, it doesn’t mean we have to be dragged for this story.”

Phoenix: To be honest, there is no way we are escape from this if there are still existing bad fiction, especially this new year.

Trucy: And it’s not fair; where is Polly? This is supposed to be “live, suffer, die together” if this is really John Phoenix-related sporking session.

Edgeworth: Please never mention this name. What he did to our dignity is the worst sin in what is supposed to be creative writing.

Phoenix: Hmm. I have never seen Apollo. At least lucky for him.

Management: I guess so. Hey, welcome back to Sporking Theatre. If you ask, I’m different Management.

Edgeworth: Yet, the Theatre still never changes. Same old, same old.

Management: As you expected, I have good news and bad news. Which would you pick first?

Phoenix: Obviously bad news.

Edgeworth: If something like that, it would be bad news.

Management: Dakoolguy is back. Yeah, THAT Dakoolguy, one who was known for writing John Phoenix. Seemingly he runs another nut job. In one instance, he uploads multiple stories in just a single day and asserts himself as the top, and even considers himself as a god in the Ace Attorney section of Fanfic.net.

Edgeworth: That’s a bold yet impudence thing to do.

Phoenix: Gee, why pass the time and effort for this one and for the writing of this sporking?

Management: One of science that cannot answer and one that I know but never answer.

Trucy: Tell me the good news.

Management: From our research, we still try to monitor if ever there will be another “sequel” from two of his long fanfic.

Phoenix: Ah yes, that two that we spork already

Management: There is none as of this moment...

Trucy: Relief.

Management: As of this today.

Trucy: (gulp)

Management: Right now, there will be no John Phoenix. So, it will be like a freshman session...

(Everyone is seated, then lights off)

Management: Or is it?

Trucy: That doesn’t feel me well.

Spoiler: SPORKING
Quote:
Trucy in Edgeworthland
By: DAKOOLGUY RISE FROM ASHES
Uncle Edgeworth tells Trucy a story about a magical land of pure logic critical thinking. What will happen?


Phoenix: I take it as a rewritten fiction from Alice in the Wonderland.

Edgeworth: Magical land of pure logic and critical thinking? That’s interesting. But you know these two things is very abstract, least to no possible to exist as a physical or concrete object. I hope he describes it in detail.

Trucy: Wow! Never know I got to be featured. This needed to be interesting.

Phoenix: Are we talking about that same guy?

Management: From our research, yes. In his profile, he also admits to being the alt of Kumar Timalsina and Mr. Good Writer.

Phoenix: Despite that, I can’t earn a pity.

Quote:
(note: this is an AU, trucy is still 8 like she was when phoenix adopted her, and phoenix is married to thalassa/lamiror)


Phoenix: ........

Edgeworth: ........

Trucy: Hey, did you really love my mommy? And same time, love Lamiroir? Wait, is the story made us to choose is it my Mommy or Lamiroir that my Daddy love?

Management: The Management highly encourage Ms. Wright to..... wait

Trucy: And wait, how come my mommy and Lamiroir are the same...

Phoenix: NEXT!

Quote:
One day Miles Edgeworth was in prsion whipping Manfred von Karma when he got a phonecall from his good friend Pheoinx Wright

"Hello" said Phefnix "me and Thalassa are having our date night tonighjt could you babysit Trucy for us"

"Of course Write" replys Edgeworth "I'd be delighted. You and her are married, in fact of course"

"Cool thanks" said Pheonics "I knew I could count on you Smegsworth"


Edgeworth: If you’re thinking that I have the authority to enter the prison and allow myself to physically torture the criminal, you’re wrong. And also, I don’t know how to begin spotting every misspelling and missing punctuation.

Trucy: Also, I’m an 8-year-old kid who knows how to earn money. I’m nowhere on being a baby.

Phoenix: But you know what’s it like if you get the sweets from the compartment.

Trucy: Daddy!

Quote:
Edgeworth snapped his cellphone shut and looked down coldy at the welts on von Karma's bloodied back.

"We shall resume our torture session tomorrow... father" and Edgy.

Manfrid looked over his shoulder with dull, lifeless eyes "I'll be waiting... son"


Miles: I only considered Manfred von Karma as my mentor. I never once called him father or perhaps considered him as an adoptive father.

Phoenix: Gee. That’s a bit... off when von Karma calls you “son” despite you torture him. Or considering how everything occurs way back when you’re the defendant.

Quote:
Later that night, Edgeworks had jsut finished giving Trucy her dinner. After making sure she said her praires he tucked her into bed.

"Good night Trucy" he said turning to leave

"Wait Uncle Edgeworth" said Trucy "Arent u going to read me a story. daddy and mommy always read me a story at bed time"

"I;m not your uncle, Trucy, as I share no familial relationship with either of your caretakers"

"o" seid Trucy

Edge smirked "Hmph but I suppose I could read you a story before bed"


Edgeworth: If I have a chance to teach this author, it would all be about the importance of proof checking.

Phoenix: Honestly, I rarely see you editing one’s fiction rather than just spotting.

Edgeworth: That would be too easy for the writer. And very too easy since we have grammar checking application in the internet like Grammarly and...

Management: The Management encourage Mr. Edgeworth to not advertise on any website or software. Since I’m poor, I said highly recommended to that.

Quote:
"yay read this one" she said, and she took dog-eared book off the shelf and handed it to him

"My goodness" say eggword "This book is fiflthy. How disgraceful to let a book get into such a condition!"

"But mommy said that my book looking like that is okay because it means I love it alot" said Trucy "Its my favorite book in the whole ride world"


Trucy: Eggword! HAHAHAHAHHA

Edgeworth: This guy creates more variants of names than the COVID-19 variants.

Management: The Management highly encourage Mr. Edgeworth to not make references in a real-world scenario.

Quote:
Edgeworth planted himself gracefuly on a stool next to her bed. "Hmm very well" he said "If it's your favorite" The title of the book was "Alice in Wonderland". Edgeworth skimmed through the book and let out a disgustied cry.

"Why, this book contain no logic at all!" he exclaimed. "It's full of contradictions! A talking cat? Mushrooms that cause people to grow or srink? Tweedle dee and Tweedle dumb? I can't belive Write lets you be exposed to this twaddle. And an abridged version at that!" Edgeworth throwed the book into the air and it went down his dog throat and into his lungs

Trucy was cryin "Noooo that was my favorite beddy bye story"


Edgeworth: Uhhh. There is a difference between fictional and non-fictional writing. That’s why there is something and there is not something to possibly happen in real-life. This fic-me is so too objective when it comes to writing.

Management: Hmm. Considering the Ace Attorney is all about spirit channeling, magical magatama, psyche-lock, and even its law system is very different from the real-life counterpart? Should these possibly happen in real-life?

Edgeworth: GAH! (My truth meter!)

Phoenix: So, that's why Mr. Edgeworth sucks in being a child caretaker.

Edgeworth: ARGH! (Great, Mr. Wright-o)

Quote:
"Now now child" said Edgeworth soothingly "I have a much better story for you. It's an instructive, educational story, and imparts important moral and life lessons. It should serve as a nice counterbalance to that Alice in Aliceland story."


Edgeworth: Actually, if you don’t know, there are something we learn from Alice and the Wonderland.

Phoenix: Oh, name it.

Edgeworth: First, curiosity and then taking risk creates more adventure. Second, it is crucial to know really who you are. Third, keep growing and changing.

Phoenix: I guess this is a book suggested to read ... for the author.

Quote:
"Oh goody" said Trucy "I like learning morals. mommy reads me stuff like that all the time. Whats your story about Mr. Edgeworth?"
"It's about a sweet little girl just like you" said Miles "who goes to a magical land of pure logic and critical thinking called Edgeworthland"


Phoenix: Heh, Edgeworthland.

Management: You don’t know what would be if it is Wrightland, the land of bluff and turnabout.

Edgeworth: GAH! Please don’t give this author a good idea, please.

Quote:
Edgeworth began his story.


Trucy: So, we’re actually reading a story which basically reading a story.

Edgeworth: Yeah, so?

Trucy: Considering it’s a sporking fic, it’s now a story reading a story that reads the story.

Phoenix: ...

Management: The Management highly encourage Ms. Wright to not repeat the joke from the other sporking fiction and to not break the fourth screen obviously.

Trucy: NOT FAIR!

Quote:
"One day Trucy and her family went for a pincic in the park. Trucy rested beneath the shade of a willow tree as Phoenix Wright and and his wife chased eachuther around the park. Trucy watched them and said, 'They are very immature and bad, they are not proper caretakers at all. I wish that Phoenix and Thalassa were dead or in jail and that District Attorney Miles Edgeworth was my father instead.'"


Phoenix: That settles. This fic and that author always hate me. If that wasn’t the proof that this is the same author, I don’t know what is. And also, can you imagine I have to earn money in a criminal underground to take care Trucy?

Trucy: Look how they hate my Mommy. Flash news for you, author, she's dead, not something I wish.

Edgeworth: (Sorry for that. Thalassa is alive by the way)

Quote:
"Um I didn't say that Mr. Edgeworth" said Trucy in real life. She looked around for a way to escape but all the doors and windows had bars on them "Your story is weird"

"Don't fret, child, it's merely a story" he replied "It's not reflective of how things are in real life, but rather how they should be. Now please remain quite and do not iterrupt the story again."


Trucy: Lucky as I and this fic-me have the same mindset. Also, I have you know that my room is not akin to a prison cell.

Edgeworth: Also, considering the context, saying this statement “Don't fret, child, it's merely a story. It's not reflective of how things are in real life, but rather how they should be.” encourages that it is okay to have illogicality (eg. plot hole) or have OOC.

Phoenix: I guess he meant by it’s okay to read a story that has an unreal element in it. I mean that’s how fictional stories work but still, fic-Edgeworth goes to rant about how unreal the character is in a fictional story. It goes, without saying, contradicting.

Quote:
Anyway back to the story. Suddenly fake story Trucy saw Miles Edgeworth's dog and she follwed the dog and she fell into A HOLE and she fell for a long long time until she landed in the middle of an enchanted forest


Phoenix: Also, I guess it’s time to utilize a section line or chapter that would separate the real portion from the imaginary portion because saying Trucy in real life and fake story Trucy could start a confusion.

Trucy: Oh wait, does Mr. Edgeworth has a dog?

Management: Yes and no. From our research, shown in Gyakuten Saiban Fanbook, there is an idea that Mr. Edgeworth owns a very large dog named Pess which he loves but never got in the production phase. Also, in an anime adaptation, his family also owns a Pomeranian breed dog named Missile but that was until the incident, it was later owned by von Karma.

Miles: Hmm. That's why it makes familiar.

Quote:
"Urhh" said Trucy "where am I?"

"Your in Edgeworth land pal" said jestershoe the kindly jester "a land of pure logic and smart. But sadly things haven't been going too hot lately."

"y is that scruffy?" she asked.



Edgeworth: Oh my. Gumshoe has joined the chat.

Phoenix: It’s weird to see him in jester outfit, no less.

Quote:
"Because King Edgeworth was kidnapped by an evil wizard named Phoenix Wright and a whorish witch named Thalassa.


Phoenix: SEE, WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

Trucy: Please, Daddy, tell me that my Mommy is not bad.

Phoenix: No, sweetie. Mommy is not bad that author wants you think. Hey, at least, Mr. Edgeworth was treated as not villain.

Edgeworth: Excuse me, but one who needed to be rescued.

Quote:
Basically them took over edgeworth land and are using black magic to make everything not logical anymore."


Edgeworth: Also, I don't know how these two transforms the world into "not-logical". What is a world without logical scenario?

Trucy: Oh, maybe the gravity disappears, the single person can be in two different location, or a victim without gunshot wound was killed by a gun.

Phoenix: Gee, you know the concept about killing by falling, alibi, and murder weapon.

Miles: (This girl getting smarter every now and then.)

Quote:
He pointed at an evidence tree. "Normally the evidence on that tree would be logical and consistent with the facts but ever sense the wizard took over all the evidence has been forged and isnt admissiable in court. Now no one has faith in our criminal justice system anymore because of the evil lawyer i mean the evil wizard and all the criminals are being aloud to walk free."


Phoenix: A tree that grows evidence. That's interesting but bizarre-sounding. Gee, what's it look like?

Trucy: Daddy, it's like a tree. Imagine it grows evidence like a knife, cellphone, past case files, and autopsy report. It's lucky that these last two is well... paper, thus, made out from the tree.

Phoenix: ...

Quote:
"Um thats bad an all" Trucy said nervously "but i should really be getting back home to America"

"Sorry pal" said Jestershoe "but the only one who can send you back to America is King Edgeworth. And, well, he's being held captive in the wizard's cassle, so..."

Trucy rooled up her sleef "Then we must go safe him scruffy!" she said. "We cant let that evil wizard and that evil witch ruin Edgeworthland!"

"Yeah!" exclaimed jestershoe "yeah! you're right! wow, no has ever thouhht to stand up the wizard before. you sure are brave"


Edgeworth: And we still don’t know what Edgeworthland can be described as.

Trucy: Is it more like Roman Colosseum-land, Philosopher-land, an enchanted land with logic power thingy, or a Modern-Science land or is just similar to Alice in the Wonderland?

Phoenix: I doubt the author has to establish that.

Quote:
"Thanks" said Trucy "My name is Trucy Wright btw"

"Cool my name is Jestershoe"

"So how do we get to the cassle, jestershoe?"

Jestershoe parted some bushes and beckoned her forward. He pointed to a yellow bricked road. "we gotta follow that shit and it'll lead us to the cassle"


Edgeworth: Again, we’re in the story, not a chat. And please don’t tell me that acronyms are the future of creative writing.

Phoenix: Well, this story takes a turn.

Quote:
Okay" said Trucy and they walked through the bushes and down a slope to the road "why is it yellow anyway"

"I don't know" said Jestershoe. "Some say that its made of gold but others say that its just made of yellow"

"o I see"


Edgeworth: “Made of yellow” is a bit misleading. Yellow is not a substance or object that produced a newer substance. Color is something that describes but is not made of. Can you imagine if I say I’m made out of brown because I’m a human being?

Phoenix: “Made of gold” can be a correctly sounding because gold, is like...a substance?

Edgeworth: Yes but close, it’s an element. (Please, study chemistry)

Quote:
They walked for a while and then the road split off into two different paths. One path led to the cassle, and the other path lead to die. Two evil monsters stood near the fork in the road. One monster, when asked a question, would tell the truth. But the other monster would tell only bad lies meant to deceive. The problem was that PTrucy and Jestershoe didn't know which creature was good!

Jestershoe sat down and started cryin "now we'll never get to the cassle, we dont which path to take or whose good and whose bad"

"Don't worry Jestershoe" seaid Trucy "We'll just use LOGIC" and she arrested the monster who only told lies and put him in prison. Then they asked the truthful monster which path to take and went on they're marry way


Phoenix: This is not logic. It is more like common sense. I would’ve already know just by looking at the first paragraph.

Edgeworth: Hmm. I know people said that lying is bad but it can be good or okay in a some situation. For example, if I ask you where is your daughter so I’m going to kill her, can you tell me the truth or lie?

Trucy: Hey, that’s rude!

Edgeworth: Again, lying in this situation can be a form of deceit.

Phoenix: It seems you’re like convincing people, even the witness, that it is okay to lie.

Edgeworth: Not my intention, Mr. Wright. We are still holding your secret. Don't make me convince otherwise.

Trucy: Oh, Mr. Edgeworth, what’s that secret?

Phoenix: We’re forgetting that conversation.

Quote:
meanwhile at the cassle thalassa was watching them in her crystal balls "Bad news Phoenix" she said "They past the first trial of logic"

Phoeinx lagued in his throne "Dont worry that trial was easy" he said "it was 50/50 wheter they took the right road anyway. The next trial will stump them for sure." And he laughed evilly and drunk alochol.

"Hmph" said the good king Edgeworth under his breath. He was sitting in a birdcage suspended from the ceiling. "It seems like Trucy could use some help" He took some doves out of his pockets and sprinkled them with his essence "Go now my doves, go forth and help Trucy pass the challenges which await her" and the birds flew out the window


Edgeworth: Statistically speaking, I don’t think that’s 50/50 if that two doesn’t randomly choose or it was so easy that you only use common sense to enact this situation. It’s more like choosing which is a drink: a omelette or grape juice?

Phoenix: I know people confuse me drinking me alcohol but it’s just grape juice.

Quote:
Meanwhile, Trucy and Jestershoe follwed the yellow brick road and presently it lead them into a village. A bald old man in a dress way crying in front of a bunch of men in orange jumpsuits

"What's wrong, beared gentlman?" asked Trucy

the judge sniffed "Oh nothing my life is just kinda stressful right now? You see, one of these men is a criminal, but I don't know which. And until we find the true criminal, the town is cursed, and there's an invisible barrier that prevents anyone from leaving or entering. We'll be starved."

"And we won't be able to follow the brick road, pal!" said Jestershoe.


Phoenix: The Judge has joined the chat.

Quote:
"Hmm, maybe i can help" said Trucy. She looked over the men carefully. "Oh, I know, we can use the process of elimination to find the true criminal, just liek miles edgeforth" and she had the judge and


Edgeworth: Ah, the process of elimination! The wonders of logic. It is where you exclude every improbable choices to get closer in choosing the correct option. Of course, if they find the correct option first, they have to test by proving if any remaining choices are improbable. That is the idea of choosing who is the culprit from the 5 suspects. Only one is guilty and the rest is innocent unless an accomplice were to be involved and...

Quote:
Jestershoe burn the men alive until there was only one left.


Edgeworth: WHAT IN THE IMBECILE? AM I READING THAT RIGHT? HE’S BURNING THE INNOCENT IN ORDER TO CATCH THE GUILTY. THE PROCESS OF ELIMINATION DOESN'T MEAN ELIMINATING EVERYONE BUT ONE TO REACH THE RESULT.

Phoenix: Great. You’re going with Apollo Justice-sound level...

Trucy: With Ema-Skye-blood level.

Management: And Franziska von Karma-violence level.

Edgeworth: (glare)

Management: (gulp)

Quote:
"NOOOOOOO dont kill me" the last man said. "Yes I admit it, I'm the criminal" and the baliff took him away and put him in jail for 3 days for stealing his neighbor's chicken and coveting his ass.



Trucy: Coveting his [*****] HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Phoenix: Watch your mouth.

Management: The Management highly encourage Ms. Wright to maintain a family-friendly environment in sporking session.

Edgeworth: Is three days of jail time is fair to more than one life being killed in this story? Ngooooh...

Quote:
"Wow nice work" said the judge. And he gave her a Junior Judge's badge and she pinned it to her shirt. "That badge has magical properties btw. If you ask the badge for food, it will give you food."

Now that the criminal had been caught, the barriar that had been preventing their progress collapsed. However, as it was now late in the afternoon, Trucy and Jestershoe decided to stay at the inn for the night.


Phoenix: Oh great, the Badge with Powers cliché intensifies. In the past, a fic-Wright’s badge that gives power to John Phoenix. Then now, a Junior Judge badge which gave you more...food.

Trucy: Wow, what’s going to be in the next story? A badge that automatically gives you to fly. A badge that silences everyone's voices.

Edgeworth: Again, don’t give this author a good idea.

Quote:
"And shall you be wanting dinner" asked the inn keeper, Winston Payne.

"No thanks pal" said Jestershoe "We have magic badge that make food"

Impossible thought the inn keeper. But he watched them through a telescope in the wall as they had their dinner, and sure enough, as soon Trucy rubbed the badge and asked for food an entire feast appeared on the table


Phoenix: Now, the janitor is going to be in this story.

Quote:
"I must steal this treasure for my own evilness" Winston said evilly. "I will sneak into their room tonight and cut off Trucy's head and steal the badge" But Edgeworth's doves were sitting on his shoulders, and later that night they opened the door to Trucy's room and whispered into her ear and told her about Winston's devilous plan

Trucy got out of her bed and shook Jestershoe awake. "Jestershoe, switch beds with me"
"OK pal" he said sleeply. He went over the the other bed and lay down.

"No, lie down the other way" she said "So that your feet are where your head is now."


Trucy: Just in..that the janitor is a, under without any circumstances, 100% dumb.

Edgeworth: Wait, if the dove has the strength to open the door and communicate with any human, would it be a sense that the dove to tell every civilian or assist Edgeworth escaping from the castle?

Phoenix: You’re very too objective for a children's novel. This story should have a “saving the princess” situation...

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: Or “save the king”

Edgeworth: I’m no princess, gratitude appreciated.

Quote:
Jestershoe oblighed, and Trucy went to her new bed and fell asleep. Later at midnight, Winston Payne sneaked into the roon with a huge executioner's axe. He approached the bed in which Trucy should have been sleeping and brought the axe down. Then he reached under the covers and ripped something off Jestershoe's chest.


Trucy: OH MY IN THE WORLD OF MAGICAL PANTIES!!

[Phoenix covers Trucy’ eyes]

Phoenix: What in the world?

Edgeworth: NNNNGGGOOOOOHHHH!

Quote:
The next morning, Jestershoe lifted the covers and saw that his feet had been cut off. "Whoa pal" he said. "Why are my feet dead"


Edgeworth: Your feet has been chopped. CHOPPED!

Phoenix: What’s next? I, Phoenix, were stereotyped as a idiotic lawyer who depend on luck and bluffing. Then Maya were stereotyped as a gluttonous burger-loving teenager girl or a witch. Now, Gumshoe was stereotyped as a big lug who feels no pain. No, I’m not only blaming the author, it’s really anyone.

Quote:
And Trucy explained what the doves had told her. Then they nailed Jestershoe's feet back on and went downstairs. The inn keeper was shocked to see Trucy still alive.

"B-b-but h-how...?" he sputtered.

Trucy let out a yawn. "Ahhhh I had a great sleep last night. But my neck itches a litle."
Winston got scared and peed himself because he thought Trucy must be a powerful witch. Then she said, "Oh, I'm pretty hungry" and rubbed the badge. Suddenly a bowl of Steel Samurai cereal appeared out of thin air.

"WHHHHHAAATTTTT IMPOSSIBLE" said Winston. "If you have the badge, whats this I took from your room last night?" And he held up Gumshoe's bloody nipple.


Phoenix: Nailed the amputated foot back in the leg...Ripping out Gumshoe’s bloody nipple. Is there anything that doesn’t gets much worse?

Quote:
"You got tricked you silly man" said Trucy. Then the doves flew out of her sleeves and pecked his eyes out as punishment.


Phoenix: I can take it as no. Next slide, please.

Edgeworth: This is supposed to be a children's novel but this one involves blood.

Quote:
After that, Trucy and Jestershoe continued following the yellow brick road on the way to the cassle. Eventually the road entered into the mouth of a huge cave. At the entrance to the cave was a distrissted looking man.

"Whats wrong mister" asked Trucy

"Oh hello little girl" said Will Powers. "My poor, sweet little daughter was kidnapped by the bandits that live in this cave. She's about your age. You see I used to be the leader of the bandits but King Edgeworth came to me in a dream and told me to give up my life of crime so I broke off with the bandits and became a farmer. It's hard work but its honest and Im setting a good example for little Bonnie. But the bandits were angry because they thought I had stolen from them, so they took my daughter away. And now I'm afraid thay will kill her or worse turn her into a bandit." The man opened a locket with a picture of his daughter in it and started crying.

"Whoa pal stop talking so much" said jestershoe. "Me and this kid are heros. We'll save your daughter."

"Oh, thank you" thanked the man. "Your great people."

Phoenix: Will Powers is a bit gentle, kind, and naive, so, the opposite of his fierce and muscular figure. It's too weird seeing him, more or less, a leader of the bandit.

Edgeworth: Ok. I guess it’s preferable if Gumshoe says to Powers to stop crying, not to stop talking.

Phoenix: Still, we don’t know what her daughter looked like. Chances are that this will be thrown out into irrelevant to this story.

Edgeworth: Also, epiphany doesn’t work like this.

CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote:
Will Powers: I will going to kill anyone who crossed my path. BWAHAHAHAH!

Edgeworth: Hey, give up your life of crime.

Will Powers: Oh my goodness, I’m a changed person now. Thank you very much, King Edgeworth!



Quote:
Anyways they entered the cave. They walked alot and the cave was confusing with lots of different winding path's but as long as they followed the yellow piss road they were find. Eventually they saw a light in the distance which was the exit but suddenly a huge shadow appeared and blocked out the light.


Trucy: (snickers)

Edgeworth: Whether it’s intentional or misspelling, I don’t need to know.

Quote:
"Feefy fie foe fom" sayed the monster "I am the monsterer and the wizard told me not to let any person passed!"

Trucy smiled "Oh but I'm not Any Person I'm Trucy write"

"Yeah I'm not Any Person either im jestershoe" said Jestershoe

"Duh" said monstar "then who is any person?"

Trucy pointed to Will Powers "hes Any Person" and while the monster was killing and eating Will powers, Trucy and Jestershoe sneaked out of the cave and followed the yellow brick road to cassle.


Edgeworth: What a great cause. Sacrificing a person for a person.

Pheonix: Any Person? The naming gets familiar in the case of Luke Atmey, Will Powers, or ...

Edgeworth: We are not having that conversation.

Quote:
After a few more hours they finally reached the cassle. But it was sorrounded by water and the drawbridge was up.
"Oh no" said Trucy "Now how will we save king edgeworth?"


Edgeworth: Considering you have a badge that gives you food, logically assuming that has no limitation to how much, probably I would make a contraption made out of food. Any ideas?

Phoenix: Uhh. Build a chocolate bridge?

Trucy: Make a fudge cake rowing boat or a spaghetti helicopter? Oh, wow! What a classic food engineering.

Management: I have you know that food engineering is about designing and manufacturing food product, not making contraptions out of food.

Quote:
She thougt rely hard and then she had an idea "Eureka! That's it!"


Edgeworth: Or maybe just communicate the dove and do the work.

Phoenix: Hey, you leave us out with your first option.

Edgeworth: Occam’s razor, Mr. Wright. Occam’s razor.

Quote:
She rubbed the magic badge


Trucy: Yay. We won. It leaves to our option as correct, Daddy.

Edgeworth: Okay. That would be fair.

Quote:
and wished for an axe.


Edgeworth and Phoenix: Wait, what?

Trucy: That’s not right. How come we have the badge that basically provides us food but it can give us ax.

Management: Uhh. There might be an explanation but I’m not sure about that.


CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote:
FLASHBACK
"Wow nice work" said the judge. And he gave her a Junior Judge's badge and she pinned it to her shirt. "That badge has magical properties btw. If you ask the badge for food, it will give you food."

ENHANCE! x1
"That badge has magical properties btw. If you ask the badge for food, it will give you food."

ENHANCE! x2
"That badge has magical properties btw.

ENHANCE! x3
magical properties



Trucy: So, the food wishing is just one of the magical properties.

Edgeworth: Still, the story never addresses why they never mention the ability of weapon wishing. Or anything that the badge has multiple magical properties.

Quote:
Then she cut off one of Jestershoe's arms and gave it to a dove.


Trucy: ARGH!!

[Phoenix cover Trucy's eye]

Edgeworth: Now, I’m going to pity Detective Gumshoe for this.

Phoenix: Enough to take back the salary cuts?

Edgeworth: We’re not having that conversation.

Quote:
The dove flew over the moat and used the arm to operate the crank and lower the bridge.


Trucy: Hey, if the dove can open the door, should it make sense if the dove can also operate the crank without the need of the hand?

Edgeworth: At this time, Detective Gumshoe would have died by blood loss.

Phoenix: Gee, when it comes to bad fiction, you always wish for the death of the character to escape from having its dignity sullied.

Edgeworth: Truthfully, I’m not even denying it.

Quote:
Trucy threw it into the moat "No its dirty from the bird touching it you dont want it anymore"


Trucy: (relief)

Phoenix: Well, at least, we’re not going to forcefully watch the amputated arm being nailed back to its body.

Quote:
and then they entered the cassle and climbed the stairs to the throne room where they found phoenix the wizard looking at Thalassa's crystal balls.


Trucy: Why there isn’t any guard?

Edgeworth: While I don’t know why, I do know we can get out from this Theatre as earlier as possible.

Phoenix: At least there’s no anime-style fighting scene. I don’t want to go back with Phoenix Phoenix shenanigans.

Management: The Management highly encourage Mr. Wright...

Phoenix: To not reference other stories.

Management: To not give the author a good idea.

Phoenix: To not give the author a good idea.

Quote:
"Whoa look at that" he said "It almost looks like there in the cassel"

"Pheonix look" said Thalassa "Trucy and Jestershoe have entered the cassle"

"What" wizard say "but how"

Trucy smirked and bowed like Franziska. "It was easy, whenever I was confrotned with a problem, I used logic. It was what King Edgeworth would do."


Phoenix: Franziska has join the chat..oh. At least, she would not appear in that story.

Trucy: (smirked and bowed like Franziska)

Edgeworth: I used logic AND common sense. Thank you very much.

Phoenix: Well, it was easy because of the dove with human capability...and (food?) badge.

Quote:
"Atta girl" said King Edgeworth with pride.

"Hmph" said pheoinx wizard "it doesnt matter NOW YOU DIE" and he took out his wand and sent a death curse at Trucy but it hit jestershoe instead.

"NOOOOOOOO jestershoe!" cried Trucy. And she cryed over his corpse.

"Ha" said Phoenix "What now little girl"


Phoenix: Here goes the plot armor and here goes the fic-me's contribution to this story.

Edgeworth: Well, the good thing that this story happens so far....depending on what you think.

Quote:
Trucy took out her cellphone "Easy I'll do what a child is supposed to do when the parents of Edgeworthland are bad


Edgeworth: Considering that we are only armed with a food badge or well, a badge that gives you everything since the ax incident, maybe I can use a badge to wish a shield and sword.

Trucy: .....Oh, me? Maybe, use a badge to have a magic blocking shield and magical birdcage for the two.

Phoenix: If this author maintains the power of Trucy’s badge, I have to call a dove to do the work.

Quote:
I'LL CALL CPS


Edgeworth: (abruptly stands from his seat and walk out)

Phoenix: ...That's how you explain Deus ex machina.

Trucy: CPS? California Police Station?

Quote:
and she called CPS and they took away Phoenix Wright and Thalassa for being bad parents and not taking proper care of Edgeworthland.


Phoenix: If I read that right, it would be the Child Protection Services. This story should indicate what specifically is CPS. Maybe it would mean Consumer Product Safety since we have already that food badge shenanigans. Also, I don’t think the child would call CPS first, it should be the police department they are calling for.

Trucy: We are in the Edgeworthland, a copy version of Alice in the Wonderland. There is no police station.

Phoenix: And CPS. Maybe but why calling or even some sorts of technology exist in this era.

Quote:
"Good work Trucy" said Edgeworth not in a cage anymore "Now I could send you back to America if you like"


Edgeworth: So, I’m not hallucinating all along. WHY...SHOULD...THEY...NOT...CALL...THE...CPS...EARLIER? I mean if the CPS can defeat the two villains, why bother go into the adventure and sacrificing every person they met? Or considering fic-Lamiroir has a death ray power, how would CPS would defeat them?

Management: Death spell power and fic-Thalassa, you mean.

Edgeworth: Thank you, Mr. Management.

Trucy: Hmm. I wonder so.

Phoenix: (Save by the skin)

Quote:
"Um actually King Edgeworth sir" she began

"Plese... call me father"

"Father could you adopt me and let me stay in your cassle forever"

The good king threw back his head and laughed "Of course that would be a delight. In fact I'm not sure I would have let you leave anyway."


Trucy: Hey, father.

Edgeworth: Calling me that makes me more like a priest.

Management: The Management highly encourage that you should be happy that you were called a Daddy because many fans have a headcanon that you are Trucy’s adoptive daddy or maybe mommy.

Trucy: Oh, that’s so sweet.

Edgeworth: NEXT! SLIDE! PLEASE!

Phoenix: At least this story has something that the reader can agree upon. Maybe this outro is not bad after all, from the reader’s perspective.

Management: Except you’re in jail, thus, no longer a legally adopted parent.

Phoenix: Oh, that.

Quote:
"Good thing i want to stay" Trucy joked. Then Jestershoe came back to life and Trucy became princess of Edgeworthland and would one day ascend to the throne and follow in her father's footsteps and assure that Logic and Critical Thanking remained the watchwords of the land forever.


Phoenix: Oh my. Another “Bring back the character alive again” cliché, I would’ve expected that.

Edgeworth: Include common sense and problem-solving.

Trucy: Yay! I’m the princess of the world.

Quote:
Edgeworth in real life stood up. "And they all lived happily ever after


Edgeworth: What an uncreative way to make this style for the outro. A partner of a “dark and a stormy night”.

Quote:
except for those who died."


Edgeworth: Uh...not going to change that.

Phoenix: One way to interrupt a happy ending mood.

Trucy: At least I’m a princess now.

Quote:
"Um..." said Trucy

"And how did you like my story?" he arched an eyebrow "Was it not far supurior to that tripe you asked me to read?"

"Alice is better" said Trucy "I think your story was wierd and i dont understand it"


Trucy: Lucky that I have the same mindset as fic-Trucy.

Phoenix: Wow, you love being a princess, then one second later, here you are. You’re really a mood changer, Trucy.

Trucy: No, I’m not, Daddy!

Edgeworth: Honestly, I have a comment for that at the end of the sporking session.

Quote:
"How dare you!" Edgeworth marched anrgily to the door. "Your grounded forever!" He stepped outside and slammed the door. But he listened at the door and heard Trucy sobbing so he opened it and peeked inside.

"You know what, I changed my mind your not grounded forever"

Trucy wiped her tears away and smile "Tank you Mr Edgeworth I love"


Phoenix: See that?

Trucy: Hmm.

Edgeworth: Seeing that last statement, this Trucy would have the potentiality to start a World War 3.

Management: The Management has highly encourage Mr. Edgeworth to prevent any implicit reference to any real-life scenario.

Edgeworth: I don’t get it. Why is it necessary to have this scene of Trucy hating this story and fic-me grounding her? I mean it would make sense if a protagonist learns the story and tell their insight to the storyteller.

Phoenix: Meh. It makes sense since this story is bad due to plot holes, incorrect spelling and grammar, and also bit bloody to make it qualify as a children's novel. But it would not make sense if the author intentionally makes the story bad in order to get Trucy’s hate.

Quote:
He smiled and slowly closed the door. Then he heard the sounds of car doors slamming in the driveway and went downstairs.

"Oh hai Edgesowhjt" said Pheinx "I hope Trucy wasnt to much a handful"

And Edgeworth told Phonics and Thalassa all about the story he told Trucy

"Ahahaha." said Thalassa. "Edgeworthland sounds fun. I wanna go there."


Phoenix: Nah, it’s boring, so does logic.

Edgeworth: If you don't always rely on bluff and belief, logic is not boring. And also, it would be better if it’s like this.

CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote:
"Oh hai Edgesowhjt" said Pheinx "I hope Trucy wasnt to much a handful"

“Yes, we’ve just read the story about Trucy who is venturing on an Edgeworthland, the land of pure logic and critical thinking. It’s exciting but Trucy says it’s weird, you know.

"Ahahaha." said Thalassa. "Edgeworthland sounds fun. I wanna go there."


Edgeworth: Ah, the power of “show, don’t tell”.

Phoenix: But still you only add the statement but didn’t grammar check the whole.

Edgeworth: Again, I said it would be too easy for the author.


Quote:
Edgeworth turned away in pain. "No... you dont..." he said. "The real Edgeworthland is a dark, cold place..." and he took his dog and went home.


Trucy: Wow! The change of mood and environment.

Edgeworth: You gave this story too much credit.


Quote:
The next day when he went to prison, Manfred von Karma assumed the position.

"I'm readey to be whipped as punishment for my sins Miles" said Manfred von Karma, not daring to look him in the eyes



Trucy: Ok, so in what position?

Phoenix: The position where he gets to be tortured but yes, still vague.

Edgeworth: It’s too bit out-of-character when Manfred von Karma accepts something like this.

Quote:
But instead of his usual icy glare, today Edgeworth favored his mentor with a more kindly look. He took out a book. "Actually, sir, I was thinking that today, instead of whipping you, I would read you this story


Edgeworth: If that is Trucy in Edgeworthland, I’m going to say it’s torturuous.

Quote:
you told me when I was a child. It's called Miles in Von Karmaland"


Phoenix: Pfft. HAHAHAHAHAAHAH!

Edgeworth: So, you’re telling me about Miles in Von Karmaland?

Trucy: Oh, so it’s going to be a von Karmaland, the land of dignity and perfection. Miles, the protagonist, and his sidekick, Daddy, or called himself the Jester-Wright, would venture to save King von Karma from the villains like...wait, who’s Manfred von Karma’s rival by the way?

Edgeworth: NGOOOOHHHHHHH!!



CRIME RECONSTRUCTION:
CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote:
Miles watched them and said, 'They are very immature and bad, they are not proper caretakers at all. I wish that Gregory and his wife were dead or in jail and that Prosecutor Manfred von Karma was my father instead.'"


Phoenix: Uhh...

CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote:
Jester-Wright burn the men alive until there was only one left.

The next morning, Jester-Wright lifted the covers and saw that his feet had been cut off. "Whoa" he said. "Why are my feet dead"

"If you have the badge, whats this I took from your room last night?" And he held up Phoenix's bloody nipple.

Then Miles cut off one of Jester-Wright's arms and gave it to a dove.


Phoenix: Please, don’t give this story a sequel.

Quote:
Von Karma smiled and his eyes crinkled and happy tears streamed down his face. "Thats my favorite story" he said.


Phoenix: I said no...NO!

Trucy: Wait, I saw now the parallelism here. Like Trucy and his Daddy, being the villain. In that new story, Miles and his biological father, being the villain. While my Daddy’s rival is Mr. Edgeworth, probably Mr. von Karma’s rival is your father.

Edgeworth: Next, just next before anyone gets this idea! (Gee, how Trucy becomes smarter.)

Quote:
The end


Edgeworth: Thank goodness! How I never realized that this is the end of the story while ranting how going to be bad, is it? Is it, Mr. Wright?


(Light on and monitor off)

Edgeworth: Mr. Wright?

(Trucy picking up a paper)

Trucy: “Return home immediately, let’s just talk” Wait, what did I....oh.

Edgeworth: Well, I guess our sporking ability gets in overrun.

Trucy: I mean...I do something bad, am I?

Edgeworth: Oh no, no. Well, let’s just be careful about we spoke.

Trucy: Oh, I’m very sorry, Mr. Edgeworth. I didn’t mean...

Edgeworth: Yes, you didn’t mean that. But hey, we survive.

Trucy: Yes, just barely.

Edgeworth: So, I guess I will do the honor.

Trucy: You deserve it, so.

Spoiler: COMMENT
Commentator: :edgeworth:
Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit:

COMMENTATOR'S TESTIMONY


Ok, first of all. This story needs to be improved when it comes to spelling, grammar, and punctuation. There is no part of this story that would be spared from this mistake.

Second, the details. I mean, provide how you describe the “land of logic and critical thinking” or any location. Also, include the outfit of the character in the Edgeworthland story. Or else, this story would become unclear and vague.

Third, is the sense of the narrative. There is an existing plot hole like the CPS being the savior, the food badge, and the dove. How can you make sense of that?

Fourth, it needs improvement of the character in this story like fic-Edgeworth or fic-von Karma.

Fifth, if you intentionally make this story a children's novel, no blood or anything being chopped is involved. Who do you write it for?

But I know this story has potential for its idea.

Alright, I’m okay with the “land of logic and critical thinking” and the adventure and challenges that Trucy has faced.

But it needs a re-tweaking whole of this story.

However, if you don’t want to listen to my comment, probably I can say that the only thing that is good in this fiction I’m reading is without John Phoenix.


Trucy: Gee, Mr. Edgeworth, that’s many things to cover. I really don’t have anything to add.

Edgeworth: Agree, let’s get out before the Management knew.

Trucy: Yeah.

[Trucy and Edgeworth left the theatre]


There we have it. The tale of the Ace Attorney gang reacting on the fiction that the fan has to offer. Is there going to be another story that needed to be suffered reading on? Well, time tells.


FIN

(or is it?)
Author:  Pepper Cake [ Thu Mar 17, 2022 1:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
SPORKING SESSION COMMENCE:
SHOCK VALUE

Join the sporkers in evaluating a shark-jumping thematic fiction that made shock value a prioritization while the narrative value only a mere suggestion.

teh rasist turnabout
wonderdude23
Rating: :dahlia:

A/N:

This author was long suggested by jrdngdwn back in 2020. Promisingly, the most difficult and questionable fanfiction I have ever read.

Spoiler: LEAVE IT AND THIS POST IF YOU ARE SO SENSITIVE
I know this is not the place to make a comment but I have to warn you especially if you are most sensitive for themes or someone wishing only for a safe internet environment. It includes themes like homosexuality, the Holocaust, Nazi, and American politics (e.g., Donald Trump) to which I never get the ounce of sense. Also, there will be explicit NSFW which includes random sex and rapes. There's more than that which I never have the mood to mention.


I have a second thought of rating the story five Sahwits because it never gets influences for others to write so horribly but the later chapters are the decisive factor in making it a Dahlia.

So, it’s time for your decision: Would you step in to read it?

Spoiler: YES
Well, you have signed our agreement, and don’t make me say, “I never warn you”. Ok, enough talk, let’s migrate to the new theatre as Trucy says, “live, suffer, die together. No, we are not doing the third one.

CHAPTER 1 (LIVE)
CHAPTER 2 (SUFFER) [IN PROGRESS...]
CHAPTER 3 (DIE) [IN PROGRESS...]


Spoiler: NO
So, that would be the end of this discussion. However, you never need to worry about not taking this up because maybe you have made the right decision. Also, there are still any stories other than that I can spork.
Author:  Pepper Cake [ Thu Mar 17, 2022 2:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
DisasterInPlainSight wrote:
FeenieForSmash wrote:
Is the Sporking Theatre closed for good? If so, it's a crying shame because this whole thread was such a treat to read.


I think it's just inactive, that's all. I didn't want this thread to be over so fast either, so I sporked a fanfic! :butzthumbs:

Sorry if I'm beating a dead horse here. I'm pretty new here, but here goes nothing...

WARNING: This is pretty NSFW, so it's off the site. So mods, please don't kill me...
A secret told (I hope it's the right URL.)


Yes, that's the right one. Cool sporking fic here! I love how the possibility that ghosts and spirits (not just Mia) would be involved in this sporking. And also the prank indeed caught me, thought the fic was short (I mean, too short). And Edgeworth, give me that T-shirt.
Author:  Pepper Cake [ Thu Mar 17, 2022 2:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
DisasterInPlainSight wrote:
Happy Holidays! I’m putting this in a bit later, but it just so happens that my sporking is ready to be published.

Fanfic: Guilty Love (Ch. 15)
Inspiration: This sporking right here

Rating: :sahwit:



I love how every shenanigan gets piled up like Franziska whipping Larry, Trucy hijacking the Management, The Sporking Theatre being renamed, accusations, and medics getting involved. Nice sporking for that one. :phoenix:
Author:  Pepper Cake [ Sat Dec 31, 2022 4:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
SPORKING SESSION COMMENCE
CHRISTMAS SPORKING

A Very John Phoenix Christmas
by atoz.squash
Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit:

Sporking Theatre


The theatre has been mysteriously decorated with glistened garlands, Christmas balls, and sparkling golden stars. There are also two Christmas trees, one on the right side and the left side on the entrance, with various colorful gifts, from small to large readily opened, making this season wholesome for the entrance of the Sporkers.

Speaking of the sporkers...

For this Christmas season…

I will give the floor to the Sporkers on this lovely holiday.

:edgeworth: MILES EDGEWORTH
"Hey, hey, it's not nice for you to wake up and decide to request us to spork right away at Christmas."

:trucy: TRUCY WRIGHT
"This guy, again?"

Edgeworth: Hmph! It seems it's you and me for now.

Trucy: Well, considering Daddy has to recover from the last sporking session.

Edgeworth: Yes, but for several months after?

Trucy: Kind of.

Edgeworth: And Mr. Justice?

Trucy: Well, not feeling well.

Edgeworth: But that's more than a year.

Trucy: Well-

Management: Wow, it quickly reminds me what will be the fate of the next sporkers for John Phoenix fanfics.

Edgeworth: Management, I am hoping that none of the two of us will perish from this sporking session.

Management: Don't worry. What you're sporking now is just a cakewalk. For clarification, I only need less number of sporkers for a less-number-of-word fic.

Trucy: Hmm. That's what you always say before a disaster.

Management: Hey, what am I going to say? I am going to drag Apollo and Phoenix in the future, so don't worry…yet.

Edgeworth: Wait, what?

Management: But that's the session for another day…or if it were to be existing.

Trucy: (gulp)

Management: Well, let's get into it.

Spoiler: SPORKING
Quote:
A Very John Phoenix Christmas
By: atoz.squash
It's Christmas at the Wright Anything Agency! How will the Ace Attorney characters celebrate with their savior, John Phoenix?

Rated: Fiction T - Language: English - Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Family


Edgeworth: Hmph. Savior.

Trucy: It seems their universe has their existing religion namely Johnnism.

Edgeworth: If their Christmas is about worshipping their Gary-Stu OC, please don't call it Christmas for sanity.

Trucy: Call it Johnmas.

Edgeworth: Duly noted.

Quote:
It was Christmas time in Los Angeles. There was a big party in the
Wright Anything Agency.


Trucy: Logically speaking, this should have occurred on December 25 because before that date is not Christmas, if that's what my father tries to argue in court.

Edgeworth: Your father has a twisted view of Christmas dates.

Management: The Management encourages Sporkers to refrain from making any "almost Christmas" what-not shenanigans.

Quote:
There was a Christmas tree there.
There were presents there.
There were candy canes there.

Edgeworth: I have something to say for this statement.

Trucy: What was it?

Edgeworth: Can you refrain from mentioning "there" multiple times? Also, please give the story a more Christmassy description rather than just a Christmas tree, present, or candy cane. Describe the Christmas tree, and describe the present. This is a party, is it not? Describe what is the meal. Describe the partygoer. Add the decoration and whatnot. Something that shouldn't restrict to visuals. What do you hear and smell at the party?

Trucy: That's a good point, Mr. Edgeworth. I mean, despite it being boring, there is nothing I saw blatantly wrong.

Quote:
And there were John Phoenix there.


Trucy: Aah. Here we go.

Quote:
But then a Vile Troll was there. Everyone was scared of the Vile Troll.


Edgeworth: Now, I consider that this author hates trolls but that can be contradicting somehow.

Trucy: I can see it as a vengeance story but what is vengeance that was directed in Uno-reverse card style?

Quote:
Especially Trucy Wright.


Trucy: Who? Me? Scared of Vile Troll? If I was, then what am I doing right now?

Edgeworth: Burned.

Management: The Management informs the Sporkers to kindly spork the fic, not the author. But again, if his egotistical insertion of the game renders him his understanding and interpretation of your thoughts, I don't see the problem.

Quote:
"Leave, troll!" demanded Uncle Wright.

"Yeah, stupid troll!" said Miles Edgeworth.


Trucy: Back to this fic, I will suggest adding what vile troll did to the crews that made them get scared as adults. Be specific, if you really can.

Edgeworth: Also, what troll are we referring to? You have left out who is actually the Vile Troll and the description thereof. What was "they" like?

Trucy: It makes sense. The troll always reminds me of a mythological figure, not on the internet.

Quote:
"Ahahaha no!" said the Vile Troll. "I'm here to ruin Christmas because I got coal in my stocking! Prepare to have Christmas ruined!"


Edgeworth: I don't see if the coal actually made us scared. Coal is useful for anyone as it is a source of energy and electricity.

Trucy: Well, we don't have the chimney. This fic wants to make it as Christmassy as possible since integrating with coal and stuff is one of them.

Edgeworth: Well, logic should be one. As an adult, there is something that I have to worry about rather than just coal.

Quote:
"Nrrhgghhg no!" said Miles Edgeworth. "This is worse than the time my father died in the DL-6 incident!"


Edgeworth: Nrrggh!

Trucy: Gee, it doesn't mean you have to collate every canon December event for this Christmas fanfic, you know.

Quote:
The Vile Troll saw the amazing man known as Dakoolguy AKA
Lance Takumi standing there. The Vile Troll smiled like the Grinch.


Edgeworth: Lance Takumi? Is this guy right now trying to impersonate a "son" of the creator?

Trucy: It's Christmas, Edgeworth. It's celebrating the son of the Creator.

Edgeworth: And "amazing man" sounds vague to me. Just like the Vile Troll, provide us with what Lance Takumi looks like. And no, being "popular" as you suggest doesn't mean you have to omit the description.

Quote:
"Hee hee hee!" said the Vile Troll. "Dakoolguy, you are an incel!"


Trucy: Incel?

Edgeworth: These are the guy who is very unpopular so much so that they are unable to attract women sexually.

Trucy: So, is this fic's main point in the narrative that the author is not an incel?

Edgeworth: I'm not surprised if this fic going to be "revolved around the author or his self-insert character".

Quote:
Dakoolguy started crying because it wasn't true, it was a lie! A lie on Christmas!


Edgeworth: Because of how egotistical he was, it's hard to picture this author crying.

Trucy: Have empathy, Mr. Edgeworth.

Quote:
But then Santa flew his sleigh threw the window and wagged his finger at the Vile Troll.


Edgeworth: Oh boy. Santa joins the chat.

Quote:
"Troll, that's a lie! That's why you're on the naughty list! It's time for a trial!"


Edgeworth: Well, if that's the case, then half of the Earth's population should go to the trial, which is very unfeasible to do it.

Trucy: But Mr. Edgeworth, all of John Phoenix's trials only lasts for a minute. That would make it feasible.

Edgeworth: That makes it more illogical.

Quote:
Santa was the judge.

"The defense is ready," said John Phoenix.

"The prosecution is ready," said the vile troll.

"Okay start" said Santa.


Edgeworth: Wait, if the Vile Troll is the defendant for lying on Christmas Day, how come he is a prosecutor? Also, the judge doesn't say, "hey, okay, start". They will tell the prosecutor in his or her opening statement.

Quote:
"Dakoolguy is an incel" said the vile troll.


Edgeworth: With so many serious issues on hand, I felt hard to imagine the court is wasting time to debate whether this guy is an incel or not.

Trucy: Says the guy he calls that the "ladder" is not a stepladder.

Edgeworth: Trucy, no!

Quote:
"OBJECTION!" said John Phoenix. "But he's not. He's had sex! A lot of sex!"

"NO!" said the vile troll. "YOU HAVE NO PROOF!"


Edgeworth: Right, this could be interesting on what proof this author had sex.

Management: Well, my crime reconstruction would answer it.

CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote:
Phoenix: (Is that finally it? The prosecution just proves that Dakoolguy is the only one in the room.)

Judge: If the defense doesn’t have to say from this, I’m going to deliver my verdict.

OBJECTION!

Phoenix: (I’m not going to give up. I have to prove it in a different way)

Edgeworth: So, do you have the proof to counterargue?

Phoenix: Well, I have one.

Judge: Wait, what’s this plastic contraption?

Phoenix: This, my honor, is the client’s torn condom.

Edgeworth: Wait, what is the thing doing here at the crime scene?

Phoenix: It’s not in the crime scene per se. It proves that Dakoolguy has sex in the day of the crime. Therefore, he has an alibi for his crime.

Edgeworth: Wait, but you can’t prove what time exactly?

Phoenix: Yes, so. That’s why I have to call the baby to the witness’s stand.

Judge: But what’s so special about the baby?

Phoenix: That my honor, this baby is the result of Dakoolguy’s sex. The baby is technically Dakoolguy’s son. So, logically speaking, he can substantiate my client's alibi.

Edgeworth: ARRGH! NOOOOOOOOOOO!


Trucy: Gee. Edgeworth. Stop screaming. It’s just what-if anyway.

Quote:
"Yes I do!" said John Phoenix. He presented the fact that dakoolguy
wasn't an incel. "As you can see, the truth will out!"


Edgeworth: …Uh. But. WHAT FACT? TELL ME SPECIFICALLY!

Quote:
"NO, NO WOMAN WILL EVER TOUCH HIM!"
"Wouldn't they? Especially during this wonderful time of the year?
On Chris… Chris… Chris-mouse? Is that what you call it?"


Trucy: So, this guy doesn't know about Christmas. Come on, never be a caveman and be with the trend, you know.

Quote:
Then Thalassa came to the witness stand and kissed Dakoolguy on the cheek.


Trucy: Oh no, not my mom being a harem to this guy. I don't want this guy to be my father. EW!

CRIME RECONSTRUCTION wrote:
Trucy (in her 15-year-old self): Daddy, I’ve got an A in Algebra
Dakoolguy: Yes, but John Phoenix got an A since he used calculus in solving 1+1, my girl.

--

Trucy (in her 13-year-old self): Here is the money that I earned from my magic show.
Dakoolguy: Yes, but John Phoenix earned more than Musk and Arnault…combined just by sitting in his office. Why can’t you be John Phoenix?

--

Trucy (in her 11-year-old self): Daddy … I’ve got a fever
Dakoolguy: My goodness Trucy. Look at John Phoenix, he has tuberculosis but he builds a hospital for tuberculosis single-handedly.

--

Trucy (in her 9-year-old self): Daddy … I can jump this high.
Dakoolguy: Yes but John Phoenix wins an Olympics gold medal at just age 5.
Trucy: But he was technically 2 months old.

--


Trucy: Noppity-nope.

Quote:
"Here is a kiss for a very special Christmas boy." He blushed a little bit.

Then Lana Skye kissed him, too.

"You're such a special Chrismas boy this time of year."


Edgeworth: Oh no. You're not going to sully Ms. Skye on this one, are you?

Trucy: Can you expand on how he is a special Christmas boy? Some speech perhaps would help me.

Quote:
Then every other adult woman from the Ace Attorney series who was canonically at least 20 during their introduction to the series and who were not mentally impaired or dead came and kissed him on the cheek.


Edgeworth: I don't really like what I want to say. You should mention who these women are because not every reader is knowledgeable on this one. Or they are not going to waste their time researching for that.

Trucy: (grabs her phone from her pocket)

Edgeworth: Nope, you are not.

Trucy: (places her phone back in her pocket)

Quote:
"NOO!" said the Vile Troll, blown back like Winston Payne. "WHAT IS THIS!"

"It's a very special Christmas boy getting his just desserts on Christmas," said Dakoolguy AKA me. "It is only my due."


Edgeworth: Hmm. It seems our intuitions are wrong. Dakoolguy may be the defendant here.

Quote:
The Judge slammed his reindeer. "I find the Vile Troll guilty!"


Edgeworth: Wait, who's the defendant of this trial?

Quote:
The vile troll was arrested and put on death row.


Edgeworth: Oh, wow. If lying will drag you to death row, then where are the 8 billion people now?

Quote:
"Hooray for John Phoenix!" cried Phoenix Wright, tipsy, raising his wine goblet.

"Daddy! You're only supposed to drink grape juice like in Ace
Attorney Part 4!" said Trucy.


Edgeworth: That's a bad approach to breaking the fourth wall. What's the reason for doing that?

Trucy: Does Ace Attorney part 4 should be called simply Ace Attorney 4 or Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney? But, again, we’re talking about the same guy who wishes to put his name in every Ace Attorney game title.

Quote:
John Phoenix did a cool dance.


Edgeworth: …

Trucy: Mr. Edg-

Edgeworth: Nope. That's our Christmas gift to him: not sporking on his dance. (Now, a dancing John Phoenix plays in my mind rent-free).

Quote:
THE END


Edgeworth: Finally, the end of the 500-word fic.


Spoiler: COMMENT
Quote:
And then Larry shut his book shut.

Edgeworth: What the? What's Larry doing there?

Quote:
"And that was my new children's story about Chistmas" said Larry Butz. "And the best part, children?


Edgeworth: ... Phoenix Wright was not getting castrated in this story.

Trucy: Uhh… the value of being honest?

Quote:
It's all true and actually happened to me. The end!"


Edgeworth: Nope.

Trucy: Simply no.

Quote:
THE END


Edgeworth:
Since you interrupted us with a Larry Butz storytelling cliche. Fortunately, I have to dodge you my criticism because it's Christmas but I want to ask...

WHERE IS THE THEME OF COMFORT?

WHAT MAKES THIS STORY APPRECIATE FAMILY VALUES?

WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS CHRISTMAS STORY?

All I saw is like "Hail John Phoenix, hail Dakoolguy, Dakoolguy has many wives/girlfriends, hurting trolls, non-sense trial"

Simply put, this is not a Christmas story. It is, in fact, a Johnmas story.

RATING: :sahwit: :sahwit:

Trucy: Well, the only good thing here is that the title is consistent with the story. That’s a fact.


(The light turned on, signaling the end of a sporking session)

Trucy: Oh, that's it? That's what you want us to spork.

Management: Well, if you want another, then I'm happy to oblige.

Trucy: No, no.

Edgeworth: I think it's time for us to go.

Management: Oh, before you do that. I have an update on the third John Phoenix story you're going to spork.

Edgeworth: Oh no, we're not going to do that.

Management: According to his Twitter, he already created 45,000 words if what he says is true. So, don't get your expectation low.

Trucy: (gulps)

Management: But another news right is that he was banned from the fanfiction.net and their forum of the same website hit very low.

Edgeworth: Oh wow. That's good news for us. No more troll fics for us to spork.

Trucy: Relief.

Management: Well, Merry Christmas anyway and just get out now.


The sporkers left the theatre, joyfully knowing that their sporking session of John Phoenix fics is finally over. However, will this guy create another account and come back to make another fic for the Sporkers to spork? Or is he going to troll another one because of his need for approval for his self-insert character? Is there going to be a third John Phoenix novel readily to be sporked? Time will tell.


FIN
Author:  FeenieForSmash [ Sat Feb 25, 2023 3:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Has anyone here heard of objection.lol? Maybe someone here could make some of the best sporkings on here in that format. I would find it incredibly funny. I'd do it myself, but I'm too busy.
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