Court Records :: [Updated 8/16!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!) : Present Testimony

Visitation time was now over. Phoenix and Maya made their way to the scene of the crime one more time.

They were determined to find at least one more clue.

Author's Note: I just now figured out I could have made that confession scene a lot better... but I was playing the song "Reminiscience ~ True Pain" from PW:JFA while writing it, and I was already shedding a few tears over how the scene was playing in my head. (If you all must know, I have a weakness for scenes like that D:) But if anyone wants an extended scene of that, I just might write it for all you PxI fans out there. (It can be an EX Chapter XD)

"Don't do anything in bed, now~!" Phoenix and Iris made a break for it right after that.

Wow, your writing has really improved from the 'Phoenix brought Iris to Gourd Lake, the sign read 'Gourd Lake', Phoenix said "It's Gourd Lake"' days.

...

...

*goes back to the shadows*

Oh yeah, and Iris rules all. :ayame:

Hehe, great stuff Xero.

I could probably hazard a guess as to who that was at the end.

Author:	MasterArbiterH3 [ Sat Nov 17, 2007 4:38 am ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/8!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Nice Job Xero Wright! I'm looking forward for more cases!

Author:	Xero Wright [ Sat Nov 17, 2007 7:10 am ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/17!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
I've updated! Everything Gone Wright, Chapter 8! http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3871338/8/P ... one_Wright Enjoy! ^.^ I definitely enjoyed writing this chapter (But the sad scene made me sad too D:)

Author:	KingMobUK [ Sat Nov 17, 2007 9:24 am ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/17!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
You have a lot of great ideas, and a lot of your dialogue is spot on, but I think you need to work on slowing down your narrative a bit more. Get inside your characters heads, see with their eyes a bit, describe how they are responding to the world and other people before they speak, or during conversations - how the setting or ther other person's responses affect them. (Phoenix in particular is a people-reader I think, although he can't read everyone, he tries). Sometimes I start feeling like I'm on a steep slope and gathering speed when I read your stories - they flash past and I'm not sure I grasped all that is happening in their heads. I don't feel like I'm being invited to share the lives of the characters and that's a bit of a shame sometimes. You could improve the timing and have some of the lines be more meaningful in themselves that way. The sad scene here was MUCH more well-paced in that regard - I could tell you were really feeling for the characters. More of that! If I could set you a challenge, it would be to write a story without dialogue, with one of the characters on their own. No direct flashbacks, just living in the moment and maybe having some abstract memories. Explore and savour your characters a bit = get in their heads and have a poke round in the dusty corners. People are interested in them, they want to know them better and as the writer, you can offer them that. You should find it's a fascinating exercise as well if you love the characters as much as you seem to. Does that make sense? Pacing is hard, I know I don't get it right myself every time, but I am constantly striving to get better. It's like comedy timing.

Author:	Xero Wright [ Sat Nov 17, 2007 1:44 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/17!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Thank you, KingMobUK, I'm glad you liked it. I'm trying to get better as I go, I can't really do 100% better in two chapters, but everyone's telling me that I'm getting gradually better - Everything Gone Wright is actually a three fanfic story arc - But I think when I finish EGW1 I might go back and give some chapters more feel. I know what you're saying; the way I used to write was script (I'm still ashamed even now to admit that), and I think it's somehow still dragging on me, hence the abundance of speech. But in some chapters I have gotten more in-depth than others (I think Chapter 1 was the best example, before I really got in there) I don't think I can improve on what EVERYONE'S telling me (I'm getting a lot of variety in my reviews), but I'm definitely trying. That chapter was working on the personalities of the characters (as requested by a few people), and I hope it WAS better in that respect. I'll see what I can do about the detail problem, though. I am always trying to do better at detail, believe you me. :P

Author:	Xero Wright [ Sun Nov 18, 2007 6:13 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Chapter 9 is up! http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3871338/9/ Keep in mind that I felt this was... half rushed and half not. I ran the chapter by about three people before I finished and sent it. If there's any grammatical errors I need to fix, please tell me. I'll be glad to fix them. Enjoy the chapter, this might be the only chapter where I only focus on Dahlia!

Court Records https://forums.court-records.net/

[Updated 8/16!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!) https://forums.court-records.net/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=4552	Page 2 of 3

Author:	TexasBBQ [ Sun Nov 18, 2007 6:31 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Another nice one from the writer. Kudos to you. Make more brilliant one mah boy.

Author:	IrisWright [ Wed Nov 21, 2007 9:54 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Xero your good! i just finished readin part 1. aww your so good grrr

Author:	IrisWright [ Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:10 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: The Final Cases (TT SPOILERS!)
Xero Wright wrote: Visitation time was now over. Phoenix and Maya made their way to the scene of the crime one more time. They were determined to find at least one more clue. Author's Note: I just now figured out I could have made that confession scene a lot better... but I was playing the song "Reminiscience ~ True Pain" from PW:JFA while writing it, and I was already shedding a few tears over how the scene was playing in my head. (If you all must know, I have a weakness for scenes like that D:) But if anyone wants an extended scene of that, I just might write it for all you PxI fans out there. (It can be an EX Chapter XD) Theres an error its suppose to be Phoenix and IRIS made their way to the scene of the crime one more time. And i demand the EX chapter

Author:	Xero Wright [ Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:15 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Heh. I've already made one EX chapter, and it's not an extended confession scene. It's what if Iris busted in during 3-1 and got Dahlia convicted and told Phoenix the truth. Of course, Phoenix Wright: Everything Gone Wright details what would have happened had she told him the truth BEFORE 3-1. It's nine chapters long and it's already past the point where 3-1 would have taken place, so be sure and take a look! If you want the extended confession EX that badly, I might write it. But it probably won't be that good. I'll fix that error later. Surprised nobody else has told me of this yet.

Author:	IrisWright [ Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:34 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: PW: AA: The Final Cases (TT SPOILERS!) (Chapter 3 up!!!)
Xero Wright wrote: "Don't do anything in bed, now~!" Phoenix and Iris made a break for it right after that. lol PG? lol this is the best ever i love FEENRIS as u know of course. THis chapter wasn't tht Short was it?

Author:	Xero Wright [ Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:35 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
It was a joke. It can be PG even with a couple of innocent innuendos. And, I editted my post earlier. Take a look.

Author:	IrisWright [ Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:50 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Just finished chapter 4 i am a slow reader lol U are REALLY good u just need an editor. Oh can i be editor? lol

Author:	IrisWright [ Thu Nov 22, 2007 12:35 am ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Finally i am done. I dont really like the past few ones with mia lol. Cause they're technically reruns. but in more detail.

Author:	Xero Wright [ Thu Nov 22, 2007 4:39 am ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Reruns? Eh? o.O The last few chapters of Everything Gone Wright with Mia explains stuff that isn't even IN THE GAME. So how could it be reruns?

Author:	Ramaziel [ Mon Nov 26, 2007 6:03 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Hmm...I haven't said anything for a while, I suppose I should rectify that problem. I liked chapter 8, it did slow down the breakneck pace somewhat, and that was an improvement, really showing the characters behind the action. I do agree with previous comments about Maya and cheeriness though, her personality really needs to be consistently peppy. Even if she does take a turn for the dour, it's usually temporary. There are a couple lapses in tense throughout chapters 8 and 9, but reading them aloud should reveal those. A more abstract style issue that I see is how you integrate dialog and scene description. You do a wonderful job describing the scene at the beginning of a conversation, and then suddenly all the detail is gone while the dialog is in progress. Detail needn't stop when talking starts. The end result is a sort of stop-and-start pace that makes reading a bit awkward. It's very much like a script for a play, which is fine when you can see the actors and their body language can indicate shifts in mood/tone, but that needs to be captured by description when you write. A few slight nitpicks about chapter 9 in particular ~~because I am a Dahlia fanboy~~. At the time of his death, Doug is suspicious enough of Dahlia, and has enough information that Dahlia really could worry more about his going to the police than revealing her in conversation. Think about it: Doug knows about both incidents of poison stealing, Armando's death, (and suspects a link) and has talked to Phoenix, who might have told him the whole story. On top of that, right after he warns Phoenix, both Dahlia and Phoenix mysteriously disappear. Doug is an intelligent guy, it's very possible he could put everything together. This is especially motivational for murder given Dahlia's general paranoia about being found out. I bring this up only because it seems excessive, even for Dahlia, to risk getting caught to stop Doug from mentioning that crazy girlfriend he had once. It would seem to make more sense, and be more in character, for Dahlia to stew over the facts as she knows them, let the worst case percolate in her mind a bit, convince herself it was inevitable, then take action. Also, I notice that whenever Dahlia is pretending innocence, you always refer to her expression as a mask or guise. This is somewhat redundant; all of your readers know her smiles aren't genuine, so maybe just describing her change in manner and expression would do, and would also relieve some of the term reuse that crops up whenever Dahlia is deceiving someone. Overall, well done, some nice improvement and I ~~demand~~ look forward to the next chapter.

Author:	Xero Wright [ Mon Nov 26, 2007 7:06 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Yeah, I tend to get caught up in the conversations when I'm typing a chapter. I like to type up the convos first, then go in the middle and add in descriptions and such. I've been kind of lax about that lately, and I'm gonna fix that come Chapter 10. About Dahlia, I just wanted to get the Doug murder over with, because it is necessary for something later on in the fic. Also, I realize the redundance of 'mask' and 'guise', it's just what comes to mind while I type and I guess it flows out that way a lot. I'll try to crop out uses of those words from now on. I tried to keep things simple, as well; I didn't worry about her mental state at the moment, there's plenty of time for that later (end of Chapter 10, which is still in progress), but you have to remember that her paranoia never lasts for long; she's always able to conceal everything to herself no matter what (until someone sees past her, then all hell breaks loose).

Author:	Feenris [ Fri Dec 07, 2007 1:52 am ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/3!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Yay more Feenris Fanfic i wonder if theres more(I know Gregory made one iris told me)

Author:	Somestickguy [ Thu Dec 13, 2007 10:04 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/13!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
OK, I definitely clicked edit then. Not quote. What the heck?

Author:	IrisWright [ Thu Nov 22, 2007 12:31 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
OOps i suppose i just got it on wrong ill read it again lol

Author:	IrisWright [ Thu Nov 22, 2007 1:19 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
read it over and i finnaly got it! its good. Some parts are kinda unclear though.

Author:	Ramaziel [ Mon Nov 26, 2007 10:50 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
I wasn't so much concerned about her mental state, just her stated reason for kiling Doug seemed a little lightweight, if you know what I mean, and could easily be replaced with something sounding a little more threatening than the possibility that Doug might let something slip in conversation.

Author:	Xero Wright [ Tue Nov 27, 2007 2:50 am ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Oh no, she KNEW that he would let something slip. More than slip; he would outright tell someone. But I never added that in. x.x

Author:	Zeronos [ Tue Nov 27, 2007 3:06 am ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
....WAAAAAIIIIITTTTTT.....YOU'RE behind Everything Gone Wright? I LOVE that fic, man!

Author:	Xero Wright [ Tue Nov 27, 2007 3:07 am ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 11/18!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
o.o Why, yes I am. Are you one of the FF.Net reviewers?

Author:	Xero Wright [ Mon Dec 03, 2007 6:14 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/3!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Chapter 10 is up! http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3871338/10/ ... one_Wright Special thanks to Slezak and Mia_Fey for proofreading this for me! Enjoy!

Author:	IrisWright [ Mon Dec 03, 2007 8:10 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/3!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Woots New chapter must read i expect it to be good. Edit: Another Amzing Chapter can't wait for the next one keep the good work up Xero!

Author:	Somestickguy [ Mon Dec 03, 2007 10:52 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/3!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Wow, your writing has really improved from the 'Phoenix brought Iris to Gourd Lake, the sign read 'Gourd Lake', Phoenix said "It's Gourd Lake"' days. ... ... goes back to the shadows Oh yeah, and Iris rules all.

Author:	superangelo128 [ Tue Dec 04, 2007 6:30 am ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/3!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Hey Xero Wright, nice looking story so far can't wait for Chapter 11. Somestickguy wrote: Wow, your writing has really improved from the 'Phoenix brought Iris to Gourd Lake, the sign read 'Gourd Lake', Phoenix said "It's Gourd Lake"' days. ... ... goes back to the shadows Oh yeah, and Iris rules all. Yes Iris does rule all.

Author:	Xero Wright [ Thu Dec 13, 2007 7:26 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/13!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Chapter 11 is up! This chapter has the shortest time span of all the chapters, but I think that it's a very important piece in itself. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3871338/11/ Enjoy!

Author:	Zeronos [ Thu Dec 13, 2007 9:01 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/13!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Hehe, great stuff Xero. I could probably hazard a guess as to who that was at the end.

Author:	freyathedark [ Thu Dec 13, 2007 9:55 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/13!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Hehe... if you think it was << >> Er... Spoiler: The Person This person... Then I'd have to agree with you

Author:	IrisWright [ Thu Dec 13, 2007 10:24 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/13!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
YES! UPDATE! (the aide Iris is not doing good maybe you should ask a pro?) Edit: Another Amazing Chapter! Spoiler: Xero Read if you want to(actual spoiler of the story) Is it the BUTZ?

Author:	Xero Wright [ Thu Dec 13, 2007 10:30 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/13!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Iris, explain your post please. >.> Also, thanks to everyone for the updates! ^.^ I'm glad everyone likes it. This is the chapter I've been most hesitant on, I kept doing it piece by piece and trying to get the right feeling through. The fic's way more than half done now; I'd wager there's about 5 more chapters, 9 at the most. But we'll see~ Also, there will be NO CASES written in EGW1. Keep that in mind as we near the end... Spoiler: Chapter 12, 'mysterious' person Yes, yes, it's Larry. :P Who else would call Phoenix 'Nick?' I don't think anyone else in the PW series calls him that until they hear Larry say it. XD I mainly did it for hilarity purposes, I didn't think that anyone would have to ponder on it. :P

Author:	freyathedark [ Thu Dec 13, 2007 11:12 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/13!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
I knew it XD Actually, I believe Mia called Phoenix 'Nick' in 1-1... I could be wrong, though... I haven't played that in a while... Didja get my review, dad?

Author:	Xero Wright [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 4:28 am ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/13!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Yes I did, thanks ^.^ Also, this is before 1-1, so there's no way it could be Mia. :P Remember, we're about a few days after 3-1 was SUPPOSED to occur. So that leaves only one person.

Author:	freyathedark [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 1:40 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/13!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Oh yeah... all this time-skipping has me confused

Author:	Ulala [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 7:46 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/13!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
I've been folllowing your story just before I got kicked off, so I didn't get a chance to post, but I think it's the best PW fanfic I have ever seen. It's pure class! You're such a fantastic writer and I will confess that Phoenix and Iris is my fave pairing. But...there are a few things I noticed how the plot could turn out...so best I put it in spoiler... Spoiler: So, Morgan doesn't care about Iris getting killed? I don't find that beleiveable, so I'm assuming Morgan has yet to realise that Iris is her twin daughter too. And I wonder how Dahlia will react to Pearl...

Author:	Xero Wright [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 7:47 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [Updated 12/13!] Xero Wright's Fanfiction(TnT Spoilers!)
Spoiler: My fic, and 3-5 But remember, she wants MAYA killed, so that Pearl will be the next master. She's willing to sacrifice anything and everything for that very purpose. Even Iris, even Dahlia if necessary. And yes, she knows Iris is her daughter too, but she decided it was best not to reveal that yet.