Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
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Cravat of Doom wrote:
I have this English teacher who is really serious, but he's always cracking jokes... He's like the king of dark humour.
Anyway, a classmate of mine was writing on the whiteboard with each of the coloured markers. When he got to the black one, he wrote:
"This is a black marker, like Mr. Stone's heart."
Mr. Stone, the English teacher walks in, takes the marker, and writes "True" beside it. Then he writes:
"Mr. Stone is like NoHeart from Care Bears. He feeds off children's dispair."
My classmate tells him he wrote despair wrong. (He's our ENGLISH teacher, for crying out loud!)
So then Mr. Stone erases " 's dispair", leaving "He feeds off children".
Anyway, a classmate of mine was writing on the whiteboard with each of the coloured markers. When he got to the black one, he wrote:
"This is a black marker, like Mr. Stone's heart."
Mr. Stone, the English teacher walks in, takes the marker, and writes "True" beside it. Then he writes:
"Mr. Stone is like NoHeart from Care Bears. He feeds off children's dispair."
My classmate tells him he wrote despair wrong. (He's our ENGLISH teacher, for crying out loud!)
So then Mr. Stone erases " 's dispair", leaving "He feeds off children".
Haha, XD
Today, me and a classmate (who loves phylosophy and loves showing off his "intelect") were talking with the history teacher about dictators and leaders and so on. The teacher eventually mentioned Trotski (sp?) and Lenin, and said that they were both great thinkers and all. My mate told him "Yes, but you forgot Stalin". The teacher answered, literally, "Stalin was a son of a bitch"
From today on, he's our favorite teacher
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
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Wahahaha!!!
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--
This was from our crankiest teacher...
Click above... please?
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Meep? :<
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Cravat of Doom wrote:
I have this English teacher who is really serious, but he's always cracking jokes... He's like the king of dark humour.
Anyway, a classmate of mine was writing on the whiteboard with each of the coloured markers. When he got to the black one, he wrote:
"This is a black marker, like Mr. Stone's heart."
Mr. Stone, the English teacher walks in, takes the marker, and writes "True" beside it. Then he writes:
"Mr. Stone is like NoHeart from Care Bears. He feeds off children's dispair."
My classmate tells him he wrote despair wrong. (He's our ENGLISH teacher, for crying out loud!)
So then Mr. Stone erases " 's dispair", leaving "He feeds off children".
Anyway, a classmate of mine was writing on the whiteboard with each of the coloured markers. When he got to the black one, he wrote:
"This is a black marker, like Mr. Stone's heart."
Mr. Stone, the English teacher walks in, takes the marker, and writes "True" beside it. Then he writes:
"Mr. Stone is like NoHeart from Care Bears. He feeds off children's dispair."
My classmate tells him he wrote despair wrong. (He's our ENGLISH teacher, for crying out loud!)
So then Mr. Stone erases " 's dispair", leaving "He feeds off children".
That teacher is awesome.
Speaking of people with twisted senses of humor, my American Avant-Garde Film professor from last fall loved throwing sick and sarcastic comments around like party favors. This one time we watched a film that was about a family of cats: the mother gave birth to a litter of kittens, and she and the father helped to watch after them. We were running short on time, though, so the professor ended the film early. That lead to this wonderful exchange:
Girl: Aww, I want to see what happened! They were cute!
Professor: Well, you see... the rest of the film involved a meat grinder and I don't think you guys could handle that, you know? Maybe some other time.
Another time we were watching films by Maya (XD) Deren, and this came up:
Guy: These films are really trippy! It's like we're high!
Professor: Oh yes. We'll have a class LSD trip this Friday, guys!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
What the Devil is going on here?
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Song: "What can a didgerido do? tell me what can it doo? Welll..." *teacher rushes to turn it off*
Teacher: whoops I forgot I had that there..
Ok not so funny..
~
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
BUDDY FAITH FOREVER
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Thanks to Black-Harmonia! :)
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
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Teacher: Oh look at your lollipop. Mine's bigger, and much better. Do you want to see it? My first year class hates when I sit here and suck it and lick it during class.
My class found it hilarious of course, but the teacher, he didn't even know why anyone was laughing.
☆KrazyKaro and Romeo's Daughter☆
☆Godot_Blend_#107, Tap and Jaron's Sister☆
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Lack of sleep sucks...
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
1000% Knight
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Dofa wrote:
The other day, I replayed Apollo Justice case 2 and asked everyone I knew what injuries one would get if a car hit someone and sent them flying through the air. Everyone had no idea what I was talking about. They said that It would have a few broken bones or death. But my English teacher looked at me and said in a serious tone "They'd have a sprained ankle." I was shocked to find out that he played the game too!
Bonus points for him getting it without also mentioning hitting the telephone pole.
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Mr Luckey
The Real Human Being
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"Well if you're not going to work you might as well go beat up some hobos and splatter their faces on the street, you're sillt breaking th law."
The mortified student says,
"What do you mean!?!"
The Teacher says, "You're stealing money, so why not beat up Hobos too?"
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Anything from the shop? Cornetto.
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arcane-phoenix wrote:
Cravat of Doom wrote:
I have this English teacher who is really serious, but he's always cracking jokes... He's like the king of dark humour.
Anyway, a classmate of mine was writing on the whiteboard with each of the coloured markers. When he got to the black one, he wrote:
"This is a black marker, like Mr. Stone's heart."
Mr. Stone, the English teacher walks in, takes the marker, and writes "True" beside it. Then he writes:
"Mr. Stone is like NoHeart from Care Bears. He feeds off children's dispair."
My classmate tells him he wrote despair wrong. (He's our ENGLISH teacher, for crying out loud!)
So then Mr. Stone erases " 's dispair", leaving "He feeds off children".
Anyway, a classmate of mine was writing on the whiteboard with each of the coloured markers. When he got to the black one, he wrote:
"This is a black marker, like Mr. Stone's heart."
Mr. Stone, the English teacher walks in, takes the marker, and writes "True" beside it. Then he writes:
"Mr. Stone is like NoHeart from Care Bears. He feeds off children's dispair."
My classmate tells him he wrote despair wrong. (He's our ENGLISH teacher, for crying out loud!)
So then Mr. Stone erases " 's dispair", leaving "He feeds off children".
I bring you dis pear...
That teacher is awesome.
Speaking of people with twisted senses of humor, my American Avant-Garde Film professor from last fall loved throwing sick and sarcastic comments around like party favors. This one time we watched a film that was about a family of cats: the mother gave birth to a litter of kittens, and she and the father helped to watch after them. We were running short on time, though, so the professor ended the film early. That lead to this wonderful exchange:
Girl: Aww, I want to see what happened! They were cute!
Professor: Well, you see... the rest of the film involved a meat grinder and I don't think you guys could handle that, you know? Maybe some other time.
Another time we were watching films by Maya (XD) Deren, and this came up:
Guy: These films are really trippy! It's like we're high!
Professor: Oh yes. We'll have a class LSD trip this Friday, guys!
Why must you insist on killing my mother over and over again? ~Irving Onegin
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
The master of Judging 64
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Multiple choice review question
One of the answers was
Real, Erect, Enlarged.
(at erect it's usually upright or upside down)
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
HOLD IT!
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(studying a balanced diet)
'See, we all need protein in our diets, so all you vegetarians out there can all fucking die and go to hell!'
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
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Also, when I was a junior in high school, I had the best history teacher ever. He would always shout and make funny faces, and he used a broken golf club as a pointer, which he loved to swing around like crazy. Every once in awhile, he would chant something like, "millions and millions and millions (etc.)" over and over, which annoyed one girl like no other. So after she mentioned that it annoyed her, every time he would say something like, "They spent millions and millions of dollars.....", he would stop in his tracks and stare at the girl for a few seconds, then would proceed to chanting "millions and millions and millions, (etc.)" as well as dancing around the front of the room with his broken golf club. I wish I could remember all the other funny things he did.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Anything from the shop? Cornetto.
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Teacher went on about 'how she is amazed that poison, that death can be carried in an earring, a necklace'...
Me and my AA-savvy friend looked at each other and nodded.
Why must you insist on killing my mother over and over again? ~Irving Onegin
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Painting by Denerop
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silentxfilmstar wrote:
Today in English, my professor asked, "Does anyone know anything about brain chemistry?" Nobody answered, so he ran over to an empty seat, sat down and pretended to be a student and said, "No, I don't know what brain chemistry is, Jim." He then ran back over to the front of the room and sat down at his desk, "Don't call me Jim, you fucker." He ran back to the empty seat and looked sad, "Sorry about that....*quietly* fucker..."
XD that guy is crazy, but he rocks!
So, my maths teacher was explaining a new topic and he invented an exercise to explain it. As the numbers he chose were arbitrary, he ended up having things like... square root of twenty six nineths divided seven times square root of ten... In conclusion; the weirdest numbers you'll ever see.
As he was in the last calculation, that looked similar to the one described above, he asked someone to do it on a calculator. Surprisingly, the answer was 7. A plain, o'l 7.
The teacher wrote the 7 on the board, and said "I can't believe this! This was the most exciting experience of my whole carreer!
" <-- (he didn't cry xD, mind you)
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
1000% Knight
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Anyway, according to the inside cover of my new textbook, the previous owners of it have been:
Kelly Powers
Saxiphragus the Unyielding
Malik Blishtar (not to be confused with Marik Ishtar, of whom I have never heard)
UNCLE JIMMY!!
(I have got to figure out who these people are xD)
Credit to Evolina for the sig+avatar!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Here for my yearly login
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Almost as good as our history teacher getting fired because one of the school inspectors heard him say to us: "Now, as I've already said, all Texans are fat and wear cowboy hats!" We all laughed, the inspector did not.
Signatures are hard...
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
1000% Knight
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Kid: "It's like you're on top of me, Ms. C!"
Teacher: "...Ew."
Credit to Evolina for the sig+avatar!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Consider this puzzle solved.
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Something like:Quote:
16) (question)?
a) (answer)
b) (answer)
c) (answer)
d) (answer)
17) (question)?
a) (answer)
18) (question)?
a) (answer)
b) (answer)
c) (answer)
d) (answer)
a) (answer)
b) (answer)
c) (answer)
d) (answer)
17) (question)?
a) (answer)
18) (question)?
a) (answer)
b) (answer)
c) (answer)
d) (answer)
Oh, and a few days ago:
Student: And whoever wins gets, like, a thing.
Teacher: Sounds riveting. I want the thing.
...It was funny when it happened
Say, that reminds me of a puzzle! Have you ever heard this one, Luke?
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
rock on rebel warriors
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kid: Did you hit him back?
teacher: You know you're not supposed to hit the elderly.
Best morning ever.
alles ist scheisse
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
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So today in my English class, we were coming up with some stuff for our end of the year breakfast party and my professor was mentioning this griddle thing he has at his home and he drew us a little picture on the marker board.
One girl asks: What's that thing coming out from it??
My professor: It's the cord that's attached to it.
Same girl: It doesn't look like one. It looks kinda weird
Prof: Well, here's what I think about your opinion: *writes "Fuck you" on the board*
We all laugh and he goes on about how he loves saying that because it's fun.
Then a boy asks: Aren't you going to erase that, Jimmy??
My prof: Nah, I think I'll keep that up there. In fact, I should write a huge "fuck you" on the board and just leave it there for the next class!!
Later, he said: I think I have a griddle that one of my students left in my class a couple years ago somewhere in my office...
Another student: Why don't you go look for it??
Prof: *starts nodding and then stops* Hell no.
Near the end of class, he wrote "fuck you" on the other side of the wall in giant, all caps, bubble letters and left it up there XD
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
_screengrab.jpg/256px-Hell_(Father_Ted)_screengrab.jpg)
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Teacher (Biology I loved her!!!): I have cancer.
Class: *Awkward*
Teacher: .........................HAH! you believed me!
C;ass: *You bitch!*
Nothing.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Save poor Gumshoe!
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History Teacher: ...and then the ice-age melted.
Latin Teacher: Look I can walk like an elephant! * walks like an elephant*
Teacher to another teacher: Your name looks like a Pokemon name!
Latin teacher: Don't laugh at school! Mhuwahahahahahaha...
Teacher about colonies: there are growing sheeps and they shear grass.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Steel Samourai's Fan
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History teacher (to me): Can you stay after the class please? I need to talk to you...
Me (a bit worried): Why? Is there a problem with my latest exam?
History teacher: Oh no, of course not! Your exam is great like always! I just wanted toknow the latest rumors about the next "Harry Potter" book! ^^
Music teacher: Ok class... Now it's time to solo pratice...
Me: *Start to pratice*
Teacher (to me): Melanie, stop praticing and come here please
Me: *Go near the teacher* Yes?
Teacher: Can you tell me how to beat that f***ing "Mansex" guy??? I keep dying after less than 5 minutes against him!!!
(Yes, he said it exactly like that... and for the ones how doesn't know who "Mansex" is... He's "Xemnas", the final boss of the game "Kingdom Hearts 2" and pretty much everyone on the internet call him "Mansex" Because you can spell that just by switching the places of the letters!)
Godot and his coffee cup, an eternal love!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Objector. 'Nuff Said.
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no prizes for guessing what subject she teaches.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
earthlings on fire
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Persian wrote:
Music teacher: Ok class... Now it's time to solo pratice...
Me: *Start to pratice*
Teacher (to me): Melanie, stop praticing and come here please
Me: *Go near the teacher* Yes?
Teacher: Can you tell me how to beat that f***ing "Mansex" guy??? I keep dying after less than 5 minutes against him!!!
(Yes, he said it exactly like that... and for the ones how doesn't know who "Mansex" is... He's "Xemnas", the final boss of the game "Kingdom Hearts 2" and pretty much everyone on the internet call him "Mansex" Because you can spell that just by switching the places of the letters!)
Me: *Start to pratice*
Teacher (to me): Melanie, stop praticing and come here please
Me: *Go near the teacher* Yes?
Teacher: Can you tell me how to beat that f***ing "Mansex" guy??? I keep dying after less than 5 minutes against him!!!
(Yes, he said it exactly like that... and for the ones how doesn't know who "Mansex" is... He's "Xemnas", the final boss of the game "Kingdom Hearts 2" and pretty much everyone on the internet call him "Mansex" Because you can spell that just by switching the places of the letters!)
Oh my...
OH MY LORD.
The Objectionator wrote:
"I'm, atheist..."
no prizes for guessing what subject she teaches.
no prizes for guessing what subject she teaches.
Relig--
No wait,
...
Chemistry.
--
Math Teacher
Alright, who can tell me what a dilation is?Student: isn't that what happens to your pupils?
Ahahahaha! What? No, not in this case.Other Student: Or when you're having a baby and your--
Uhh, we get the point. *off topic conversation ensues*
Aw, man. I could never teach Sex Ed. I'd be like:"Penis...AHAHAHAHAH!"
XD
...and there's fifteen feet of pure white snow
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
The Midnight Lurker
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And about two weeks later, when a kid in the class who normally gets things wrong got something right for once, he was like "The devil told you that!" and the class cracked up.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
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Me: Um... no?
Teacher: Well then, I guess she should prepare for a hard slap in the face! =D *smiles*
... It was... disturbing.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
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(Benching was when we had to sit out on a bench away from the others for lunch and breaks during the day)
Teacher
Twins in class
Me *Smiles sweetly* Alexis, did you do your homework last night? No, I'm sorry I didn't fin---- YER BENCHED! NEXT! *nervous smile* Yes? *Smiles sweetly* Alisa, did you do your homework last night? Yes, but I didn't fini--- YER BENCHED! NEXT!
*Smiles sweetly* I hope you did your homework, unlike those idiots. Uh, yeah. *scrutinizes it* YOU DIDN"T UNDERLINE! GO SIT DOWN!She was one old yeller lol...
She also had a picture of her hugging her ex-husband smiling and him nervously looking away.
~~~Cassandra~~~ but you can call me Cassie!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
The Trusty Nudal!
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For example, there was one-time that she was handing out test paper, and someone asked for lined paper, and she yelled: "Get Down! I'm not an octopus!" etc.
Also, this isn't really something funny that my teacher said, its just something funny that we did.
During our first science class, our teacher made our class brainstorm as many swear words/disgusting words as we could fit on the blackboard. After we went through 3 blackboards, the next day, our teacher read all of the words out loud and asked our class what they all mean.
ps. I'm in grade 7.
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
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or or 
(that's probably the exrpession I had on my face) Sooooooooooo embarrising............................ 
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Objector. 'Nuff Said.
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Teacher: I don't know, Can you go to the toilet?
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.
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~~~
Science Teacher: Hey kids, who wants some YUGIOH CARDS?!
Everyone:...what?
Science Teacher: Dont ask me why I have them. Just take them.
Everyone:....
~~~
Spanish teacher: You can't have no Fun!
Me: But thats a double negative. If we cant have NO fun, we can have SOME fun.
Spanish Teacher: I DONT CARE! JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN
~~~
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
let's just tell them that we met in jail
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Mr. Bennett: *Comes up behind us* Excellent!!
Lucy/Me: D8
And my creepy RE teacher tried to cut my hair the other day.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
[/failure]
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Teacher: Okay, so essentially, a tinted thoughtshot is–
PA: Hello, students. Today we have three announcements–
Teacher: GRAAARGH
PA: [talks about sports and stuff (skipping the math team, of course) for five minutes while my teacher drums his fingers anxiously] And remember, make it a great day or not: the choice is yours.
Teacher: ANYways, after that rude interruption, I will continue instructing you on tint–
PA: I apologize, but we have one final announcement–
(Right now, our teacher goes into an almost PW-esque flipout.)
PA: That is all.
Teacher: ERGH! You know WHAT? I am SICK of ANNOUNCEMENTS every single DAY interrupting MY CLASS! (at this moment, he miraculously pulls a screwdriver out of who-knows-where and turns the intercom down to half-volume.)
It was EPIC.
[rant]
[/rant]
[/rant]
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
My childhood right here
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In Math the teacher messed around in class alot. One day I said to my friend in class "Mr. Piede's class is the same thing everyday. Just sitting here while he plays with his promethian with 5 kids. It gets old. Like rea-" Then the teacher shouts "SAMURAI SPEARRRRRR!!!!!" and throws a whole bunch of markers at me.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
I'm Kenny McCormick and I like to dance.
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
To the Batmobile!
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Dragons ♥ Website[closed]
You might know me from Dragon Cave Forums or Orange on my website. :) ~ Set by me
You might know me from Dragon Cave Forums or Orange on my website. :) ~ Set by me
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
The Hoosiers :) Just too cool.
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Posts: 442
kid: gloves
spanish teacher: TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES(thats what it sounded like with her acsent she really said take off your gloves :))
everyone :lololololol
kid:miss! what time is it?
spanish teacher: LOOK AT THE WATCH ON THE WALL! (meaning a clock)
kid: ITS SNOWING!!!!
spanish teacher: NO! I HATE SNOW! SNOW IS BAD!
everyone in class: O_o
my sprites 
(click the pic for pandas graphics~)
(click the pic for pandas graphics~)
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