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General Luigi wrote:
All right, the texter was an insensitive jerk, plain and simple. As for your alleged friend... I can't really claim to know the situation as well as you do. Just going off of what you've posted right now, though, I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt, if only because I was in a similar situation with my best friend a few years ago--and arguably still am in such a situation, though it only threatened our friendship during that aforementioned moment. I'm really bad at expressing myself face-to-face, and it can come off as apathy and ungratefulness. There are probably still times when I come off as distant to him, but the man is like a brother to me (and I mean that in a good way). There are times when I have no idea what to say to him when something bad happens. Other times, there are things I want to say, but don't say because I'm worried he'll react negatively despite my intentions. Given your mood, I wouldn't be surprised if your friend had similar reasons for being silent. Finally, maybe things are different where you live, but it's pretty rare for me and my friend to give each other gifts for Christmas or our respective birthdays. The fact that he gave you a present at all says more than you might realize. Honestly, if I thought of my friend as simply "someone I'm on good terms with" rather than a friend, I wouldn't even consider giving him gifts for Christmas. Then again, I'm neither you nor your friend, so it's possible my own situation isn't as similar to yours as I believe it to be.
Yeah, well I'm noticing a pattern with these "insensitive jerks." I was compared to Elliot Rodgers twice last week by different people. And tons of other people who don't even know my full situation have said that I deserve much of what's happening to me. I'm quite sick of people both online and IRL to be frank.
This isn't the first time he's been like this to me. It's happened over and over again. He's one of those more popular kids at school, and is usually socializing with them rather than me. He doesn't text me unless I text him first, and he's never even invited me anywhere. It's been like this for a long time, both before and after I was with my girlfriend. My mood obviously isn't affecting anything. If he was my friend, he would have defended me against that asshole. HE WAS RIGHT THERE AND HEARD EVERYTHING.
Most people get things for each other during Christmas here. But this is the only time he's ever done that for me and it was a cheap gift, so it doesn't really say much. Guess he was just feeling nice back then. Don't forget that I bought something for my girlfriend even after she left me. People do these things, even when they really shouldn't.
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TopHatProfessor1014 wrote:
Yeah, well I'm noticing a pattern with these "insensitive jerks." I was compared to Elliot Rodgers twice last week by different people. And tons of other people who don't even know my full situation have said that I deserve much of what's happening to me.
That right there is an example of what I consider to be the biggest problem with our society, and it's nothing new, either. Far too many people make assumptions about each other without knowing the full story--or worse, even when they learn there's more to the story than what they thought, they don't bother to look into it. I'm reminded of something my high school did each year. Students that felt mistreated or misunderstood were given a chance to talk about it on video. With their approval, said video would be shown in an assembly. I was one such student. I don't think it led to me being treated better by my peers, but it did make me feel a bit better about myself, knowing that no matter how nasty things got, there were people who, despite knowing so little about what was going through my head and what I was experiencing, were willing to listen to me and weren't going to jump to conclusions about the kind of person I was. I hope we've been able to do that here, but I'm not getting my hopes up.
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Quote:
That right there is an example of what I consider to be the biggest problem with our society, and it's nothing new, either. Far too many people make assumptions about each other without knowing the full story--or worse, even when they learn there's more to the story than what they thought, they don't bother to look into it. I'm reminded of something my high school did each year. Students that felt mistreated or misunderstood were given a chance to talk about it on video. With their approval, said video would be shown in an assembly. I was one such student. I don't think it led to me being treated better by my peers, but it did make me feel a bit better about myself, knowing that no matter how nasty things got, there were people who, despite knowing so little about what was going through my head and what I was experiencing, were willing to listen to me and weren't going to jump to conclusions about the kind of person I was. I hope we've been able to do that here, but I'm not getting my hopes up.
Of course. If there's one thing a truly hate, it's when these people who don't know me completely judge me with their baseless assumptions. And that's unfortunately been done a lot both in my real life and online, this forum included.
I'd rather not link it, but I submitted an anonymous letter to a teen column site for objective advise. Instead, the took apart my letter, took out most of the parts where I talked of the pain I was going through, and made it out that everything was MY fault. That I treated my girlfriend poorly, that I made the whole thing up about her having a bad life, and that it's my "ego" that caused her to leave. It was complete bullshit that didn't represent me or my problems accurately at all. Not only that, but the comments section on that article were even worse. From all sides, there were a ton of people attacking me and agreeing with that piece of trash letter. I contacted the site and told them to take it down, but they aren't complying. They're saying that it's site policy to keep all their articles up.
So while I have all this shit to go through in my own life, I have these miserable anonymous assholes who don't know a damn thing about me or even my name hounding me over all this and saying that I deserve everything. And it's happened from school too, as I mentioned with the people texting me.
It never ends. There's always something or someone out there that's dead set on making me miserable. Why the hell was I expecting anything different.
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General Luigi wrote:
He could, but that would require him to reveal his name, which means running the risk of commenters on the site tracking him down and harassing him (though that's also a crime that he could press charges for).
I'm not getting involved with that. It's too much of a hassle and would only increase my stress and anxiety.
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Also yeah pretty sure what that site's doing is illegal or at least unethical. (edit: General Luigi and Pierre beat me to the punch :()
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There's a few negative comments but there's other people commenting to counter those negative ones including the person who posted the article.
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Haawke wrote:
Also it hurts but after a breakup you need to completely cut the person out of your life until you've completely moved on. Seems to me that's what your ex is trying to do and you should do the same - you'll feel better in the long run.
Also yeah pretty sure what that site's doing is illegal or at least unethical. (edit: General Luigi and Pierre beat me to the punch :()
Also yeah pretty sure what that site's doing is illegal or at least unethical. (edit: General Luigi and Pierre beat me to the punch :()
No, I see her every day. That's not an option. And no, I'm not going to feel "better" either way. I'm fucking miserable, either when I do see her now or when I don't. It makes no difference.
As for those messages, I don't care. She blocked me on social media even when we were dating, because that's how she is. I doubt she even saw what I sent her. Again, it makes no difference to me.
No, I PMed General Luigi and Pierre the letter. It doesn't count as slander.
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TopHatProfessor1014 wrote:
Haawke wrote:
Also it hurts but after a breakup you need to completely cut the person out of your life until you've completely moved on. Seems to me that's what your ex is trying to do and you should do the same - you'll feel better in the long run.
Also yeah pretty sure what that site's doing is illegal or at least unethical. (edit: General Luigi and Pierre beat me to the punch :()
Also yeah pretty sure what that site's doing is illegal or at least unethical. (edit: General Luigi and Pierre beat me to the punch :()
No, I see her every day. That's not an option. And no, I'm not going to feel "better" either way. I'm fucking miserable, either when I do see her now or when I don't. It makes no difference.
As for those messages, I don't care. She blocked me on social media even when we were dating, because that's how she is. I doubt she even saw what I sent her. Again, it makes no difference to me.
No, I PMed General Luigi and Pierre the letter. It doesn't count as slander.
Did you post comments that were then deleted tophat? There seems to be some that reference a reply to the article but I can't see any replies.
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TopHatProfessor1014 wrote:
Haawke wrote:
Also it hurts but after a breakup you need to completely cut the person out of your life until you've completely moved on. Seems to me that's what your ex is trying to do and you should do the same - you'll feel better in the long run.
Also yeah pretty sure what that site's doing is illegal or at least unethical. (edit: General Luigi and Pierre beat me to the punch :()
Also yeah pretty sure what that site's doing is illegal or at least unethical. (edit: General Luigi and Pierre beat me to the punch :()
No, I see her every day. That's not an option. And no, I'm not going to feel "better" either way. I'm fucking miserable, either when I do see her now or when I don't. It makes no difference.
As for those messages, I don't care. She blocked me on social media even when we were dating, because that's how she is. I doubt she even saw what I sent her. Again, it makes no difference to me.
No, I PMed General Luigi and Pierre the letter. It doesn't count as slander.
My point is to at least stop talking to her or trying to contact her. Of course you're gonna feel like shit at first, but you can't start getting over the hurt while you're still pining for her (if you are) or trying to talk to her. If you can't avoid seeing her everyday just at least try to keep it to a minimum.
At the end of the day, it's your life, and I'm just some random stranger on the Internet. I'm just giving you advice I know has helped friends before.
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Quote:
Did you post comments that were then deleted tophat? There seems to be some that reference a reply to the article but I can't see any replies.
The site probably deleted some of my comments because there are moderators. What I was referring to though was a Tumblr post I sent to her. Haawke deleted the reference to that in his post for some reason.
Quote:
My point is to at least stop talking to her or trying to contact her. Of course you're gonna feel like shit at first, but you can't start getting over the hurt while you're still pining for her (if you are) or trying to talk to her. If you can't avoid seeing her everyday just at least try to keep it to a minimum.
At the end of the day, it's your life, and I'm just some random stranger on the Internet. I'm just giving you advice I know has helped friends before.
At the end of the day, it's your life, and I'm just some random stranger on the Internet. I'm just giving you advice I know has helped friends before.
I'm going to feel like this for a long, long time. And it doesn't matter how much time passes. I don't heal from these things, because every day of my life is miserable. There is nothing happy in my life nor anything that brings me real joy.
I told you that it won't make a difference whether I see her now or not. I'll still feel horrible, I'll still be lonely, and I'll still hate my life. There isn't anything out there for me where I live. I'll be spending this summer alone because I don't have friends or anyone that cares about me.
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Quote:
My point is to at least stop talking to her or trying to contact her. Of course you're gonna feel like shit at first, but you can't start getting over the hurt while you're still pining for her (if you are) or trying to talk to her. If you can't avoid seeing her everyday just at least try to keep it to a minimum.
I would overall suggest to not try to give him any advice on that. Mostly cause he obviously is still very hurt from it and has said himself that it's incredibly difficult for him to move on from such things, even after years of the initial pain's reason.
My vent... may come later. It's 2 AM and I have an interview with a clothes shop in 11 Hours. We'll see how it goes, maybe I'll have something to vent about.
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CatMuto wrote:
Quote:
My point is to at least stop talking to her or trying to contact her. Of course you're gonna feel like shit at first, but you can't start getting over the hurt while you're still pining for her (if you are) or trying to talk to her. If you can't avoid seeing her everyday just at least try to keep it to a minimum.
I would overall suggest to not try to give him any advice on that. Mostly cause he obviously is still very hurt from it and has said himself that it's incredibly difficult for him to move on from such things, even after years of the initial pain's reason.
My vent... may come later. It's 2 AM and I have an interview with a clothes shop in 11 Hours. We'll see how it goes, maybe I'll have something to vent about.
C-A
You know you don't HAVE to have anything to vent about?
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TopHatProfessor1014 wrote:
Quote:
Did you post comments that were then deleted tophat? There seems to be some that reference a reply to the article but I can't see any replies.
The site probably deleted some of my comments because there are moderators. What I was referring to though was a Tumblr post I sent to her. Haawke deleted the reference to that in his post for some reason.
I deleted it because I felt like it was none of my business to bring it up in the end. Sorry about that.
Quote:
Quote:
My point is to at least stop talking to her or trying to contact her. Of course you're gonna feel like shit at first, but you can't start getting over the hurt while you're still pining for her (if you are) or trying to talk to her. If you can't avoid seeing her everyday just at least try to keep it to a minimum.
At the end of the day, it's your life, and I'm just some random stranger on the Internet. I'm just giving you advice I know has helped friends before.
At the end of the day, it's your life, and I'm just some random stranger on the Internet. I'm just giving you advice I know has helped friends before.
I'm going to feel like this for a long, long time. And it doesn't matter how much time passes. I don't heal from these things, because every day of my life is miserable. There is nothing happy in my life nor anything that brings me real joy.
I told you that it won't make a difference whether I see her now or not. I'll still feel horrible, I'll still be lonely, and I'll still hate my life. There isn't anything out there for me where I live. I'll be spending this summer alone because I don't have friends or anyone that cares about me.
You're a rationalist, right? You're the dude who's big into science and logic and all that. Maybe a rational way to look at it would be that the relationship was, in the perspective of your life, a tiny blip, and there's so much more out there. So many awesome people to meet and all that. High school sucks for a lot of people, it's a complete shithole for most (especially us more nerdy types) and yeah, the comparisons people have been making to the shooter are completely obscene. But on the other hand, high school is a tiny tiny part of your life, and once you're through with that, and get to make your own choices and decisions, life kinda kicks arse. I was miserable through high school, like you, and (perhaps erroneously) thought I was surrounded with awful shallow people but it really does get better.
Dismiss this as my ramblings if you want, but after high school you can do anything you want. And once you're in higher education, or have had just one job, no one gives a shit about high school.
Edit: Also if you want me to stop posting just tell me, I don't want to be a pain, I just sincerely want to help.
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Quote:
You're a rationalist, right? You're the dude who's big into science and logic and all that. Maybe a rational way to look at it would be that the relationship was, in the perspective of your life, a tiny blip, and there's so much more out there. So many awesome people to meet and all that. High school sucks for a lot of people, it's a complete shithole for most (especially us more nerdy types) and yeah, the comparisons people have been making to the shooter are completely obscene. But on the other hand, high school is a tiny tiny part of your life, and once you're through with that, and get to make your own choices and decisions, life kinda kicks arse. I was miserable through high school, like you, and (perhaps erroneously) thought I was surrounded with awful shallow people but it really does get better.
Dismiss this as my ramblings if you want, but after high school you can do anything you want. And once you're in higher education, or have had just one job, no one gives a shit about high school.
Edit: Also if you want me to stop posting just tell me, I don't want to be a pain, I just sincerely want to help.
Dismiss this as my ramblings if you want, but after high school you can do anything you want. And once you're in higher education, or have had just one job, no one gives a shit about high school.
Edit: Also if you want me to stop posting just tell me, I don't want to be a pain, I just sincerely want to help.
Of course I know that there's tons more beyond high school. But right now, high school IS my life whether I like it or not and I have to face these problems every single day. I'm still a minor, I can't leave my shallow school district, and I have no say of what goes on.
Make no mistake, the people in my district ARE shallow. My psychologist who knows my personality and who I am agrees with me on this. They're largely the reason why I'm this way. It's my environment that's causing the problems.
All high school is is a horrible social game that makes people like me hate every moment of their life, while all this other shit I'm going through is putting me at the depths of misery. But I have to go through a lonely summer, and this godawful school for another year. And even if I get to college, there's no guarantee of anything. I want it to change. I want it to be different. But every day is so painful and miserable for me. I have to force myself out of bed to go to school, and throughout the day I'm in some corner or isolated location crying my eyes out. I hate every moment of my day.
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TopHatProfessor1014 wrote:
Quote:
You're a rationalist, right? You're the dude who's big into science and logic and all that. Maybe a rational way to look at it would be that the relationship was, in the perspective of your life, a tiny blip, and there's so much more out there. So many awesome people to meet and all that. High school sucks for a lot of people, it's a complete shithole for most (especially us more nerdy types) and yeah, the comparisons people have been making to the shooter are completely obscene. But on the other hand, high school is a tiny tiny part of your life, and once you're through with that, and get to make your own choices and decisions, life kinda kicks arse. I was miserable through high school, like you, and (perhaps erroneously) thought I was surrounded with awful shallow people but it really does get better.
Dismiss this as my ramblings if you want, but after high school you can do anything you want. And once you're in higher education, or have had just one job, no one gives a shit about high school.
Edit: Also if you want me to stop posting just tell me, I don't want to be a pain, I just sincerely want to help.
Dismiss this as my ramblings if you want, but after high school you can do anything you want. And once you're in higher education, or have had just one job, no one gives a shit about high school.
Edit: Also if you want me to stop posting just tell me, I don't want to be a pain, I just sincerely want to help.
Of course I know that there's tons more beyond high school. But right now, high school IS my life whether I like it or not and I have to face these problems every single day. I'm still a minor, I can't leave my shallow school district, and I have no say of what goes on.
Make no mistake, the people in my district ARE shallow. My psychologist who knows my personality and who I am agrees with me on this. They're largely the reason why I'm this way. It's my environment that's causing the problems.
All high school is is a horrible social game that makes people like me hate every moment of their life, while all this other shit I'm going through is putting me at the depths of misery. But I have to go through a lonely summer, and this godawful school for another year. And even if I get to college, there's no guarantee of anything. I want it to change. I want it to be different. But every day is so painful and miserable for me. I have to force myself out of bed to go to school, and throughout the day I'm in some corner or isolated location crying my eyes out. I hate every moment of my day.
Yeah, high school is pretty terrible for a lot of people. You have to find solace in something, I guess. I've always been incredibly shy and only managed to make 2 or 3 decent friends in my entire life because of it. But I started playing bass guitar when I was 15 and now whenever I feel down I just bang out a few tunes or write something with it and it really helps. Do you have an active hobby like that you can do? Something you can really concretely pour energy into and see progress? Because it helps so much, it completely transformed my life.
The thing about college is that you'll be there with people who want to be there, who want to study the same thing as you and you'll more than certainly meet people with views and interests that align with yours through clubs and the like.
You're right though, this is your life for now and my only advice is to start playing lots of instruments. But that's terrible advice. Working out or doing a sport can help too, but I think you already addressed that. What are your ambitions for the future? Like what would you love to do for a living? I'm curious
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Quote:
Yeah, high school is pretty terrible for a lot of people. You have to find solace in something, I guess. I've always been incredibly shy and only managed to make 2 or 3 decent friends in my entire life because of it. But I started playing bass guitar when I was 15 and now whenever I feel down I just bang out a few tunes or write something with it and it really helps. Do you have an active hobby like that you can do? Something you can really concretely pour energy into and see progress? Because it helps so much, it completely transformed my life.
The thing about college is that you'll be there with people who want to be there, who want to study the same thing as you and you'll more than certainly meet people with views and interests that align with yours through clubs and the like.
You're right though, this is your life for now and my only advice is to start playing lots of instruments. But that's terrible advice. Working out or doing a sport can help too, but I think you already addressed that. What are your ambitions for the future? Like what would you love to do for a living? I'm curious
The thing about college is that you'll be there with people who want to be there, who want to study the same thing as you and you'll more than certainly meet people with views and interests that align with yours through clubs and the like.
You're right though, this is your life for now and my only advice is to start playing lots of instruments. But that's terrible advice. Working out or doing a sport can help too, but I think you already addressed that. What are your ambitions for the future? Like what would you love to do for a living? I'm curious
I write articles for professional sites, I play video games, I watch movies, and I go jogging every other day. But you know what? Those things end up only as distractions. My problems affect me every single day, and no hobby can make them go away.
I'm interested in law, but that's years and years of extra schooling which doesn't sound very appealing to me right now. I'm taking law courses next year and in college, so we'll see where it leads me. I'm decent I guess at writing, so I'd probably like to be a journalist for media like games, movies, comics, etc. Places like IGN or GameSpot. On a larger scale though, I'm interested in organizations like Interpol or the Secret Service. Right now, I've set goals to learn different languages. I'm taking French in school, and while the class is terrible, I'm going to continue learning it. On my own, I'm self-teaching myself Japanese and have made good progress ever since I started in August. I'm going to master this difficult language, because it's what I want to do. Anyone who speaks multiple languages is valuable to these organizations. Which is why I want to make myself valuable by learning them. And after I have sufficiently mastered Japanese and French, I'm going to try Mandarin and German.
These are all big dreams that I have. But that's all they are right now. Lofty dreams that I can only think about, because I have no future here. All I am is some loser dreamer who hates his life. Dreams don't solve my problems.
Quote:
Haawke pretty much hit the nail on the head here. High school's a low point for a lot of us, and your experience is clearly no exception. As you said in your Tumblr post, though, you're still standing, and I'm pretty sure everyone here wants it to stay that way. Neither will eradicate the pain right now, but faith in a better future can keep you going, and such things as video games and creative pursuits will give you something to do in the present.
Like I told him though, these are distractions that do little to solve my problems. They can't numb the pain or fix anything.
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Though distractions are good too, many of us live with problems we don't have any direct control over, all we can do is live with a lot of them and distract ourselves from them and get support through them.
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TopHatProfessor1014 wrote:
Quote:
Yeah, high school is pretty terrible for a lot of people. You have to find solace in something, I guess. I've always been incredibly shy and only managed to make 2 or 3 decent friends in my entire life because of it. But I started playing bass guitar when I was 15 and now whenever I feel down I just bang out a few tunes or write something with it and it really helps. Do you have an active hobby like that you can do? Something you can really concretely pour energy into and see progress? Because it helps so much, it completely transformed my life.
The thing about college is that you'll be there with people who want to be there, who want to study the same thing as you and you'll more than certainly meet people with views and interests that align with yours through clubs and the like.
You're right though, this is your life for now and my only advice is to start playing lots of instruments. But that's terrible advice. Working out or doing a sport can help too, but I think you already addressed that. What are your ambitions for the future? Like what would you love to do for a living? I'm curious
The thing about college is that you'll be there with people who want to be there, who want to study the same thing as you and you'll more than certainly meet people with views and interests that align with yours through clubs and the like.
You're right though, this is your life for now and my only advice is to start playing lots of instruments. But that's terrible advice. Working out or doing a sport can help too, but I think you already addressed that. What are your ambitions for the future? Like what would you love to do for a living? I'm curious
I write articles for professional sites, I play video games, I watch movies, and I go jogging every other day. But you know what? Those things end up only as distractions. My problems affect me every single day, and no hobby can make them go away.
I'm interested in law, but that's years and years of extra schooling which doesn't sound very appealing to me right now. I'm taking law courses next year and in college, so we'll see where it leads me. I'm decent I guess at writing, so I'd probably like to be a journalist for media like games, movies, comics, etc. Places like IGN or GameSpot. On a larger scale though, I'm interested in organizations like Interpol or the Secret Service. Right now, I've set goals to learn different languages. I'm taking French in school, and while the class is terrible, I'm going to continue learning it. On my own, I'm self-teaching myself Japanese and have made good progress ever since I started in August. I'm going to master this difficult language, because it's what I want to do. Anyone who speaks multiple languages is valuable to these organizations. Which is why I want to make myself valuable by learning them. And after I have sufficiently mastered Japanese and French, I'm going to try Mandarin and German.
These are all big dreams that I have. But that's all they are right now. Lofty dreams that I can only think about, because I have no future here. All I am is some loser dreamer who hates his life. Dreams don't solve my problems.
Quote:
Haawke pretty much hit the nail on the head here. High school's a low point for a lot of us, and your experience is clearly no exception. As you said in your Tumblr post, though, you're still standing, and I'm pretty sure everyone here wants it to stay that way. Neither will eradicate the pain right now, but faith in a better future can keep you going, and such things as video games and creative pursuits will give you something to do in the present.
Like I told him though, these are distractions that do little to solve my problems. They can't numb the pain or fix anything.
Distractions are good though! Every second you're distracted is one less spent worrying or feeling down! And the sense of satisfaction reaped from creative pursuits is great too!
Those aren't just dreams though. You can attain those and work towards them! You have far more concrete ambitions than I did at your age, or even now, haha.
As a side note, I'm half-French, so if you ever want help with difficult concepts (French has so many dumb rules) you're more than welcome to Pm me
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Pierre wrote:
Good to have dreams Tophat, especially big ones like that gives you plenty to work towards.
Though distractions are good too, many of us live with problems we don't have any direct control over, all we can do is live with a lot of them and distract ourselves from them and get support through them.
Though distractions are good too, many of us live with problems we don't have any direct control over, all we can do is live with a lot of them and distract ourselves from them and get support through them.
Anyone can dream, man. That doesn't mean they come true.
Distractions don't help me. Because inevitably, my problems are still there. I don't have any support from anyone here. No friends and no one in my life that truly cares.
You guys are kind enough to talk to me through all of this, but you also have to realize that none of you are part of my every day real life. If you were, things wouldn't be half as bad for me because I'd be in good company.
I have to deal with this loneliness and misery myself every day. Because there's no one there for me. I'm alone in everything. There's no way out of it right now. No solutions, no fixes, nothing to make things easier.
Quote:
Distractions are good though! Every second you're distracted is one less spent worrying or feeling down! And the sense of satisfaction reaped from creative pursuits is great too!
Those aren't just dreams though. You can attain those and work towards them! You have far more concrete ambitions than I did at your age, or even now, haha.
As a side note, I'm half-French, so if you ever want help with difficult concepts (French has so many dumb rules) you're more than welcome to Pm me
Those aren't just dreams though. You can attain those and work towards them! You have far more concrete ambitions than I did at your age, or even now, haha.
As a side note, I'm half-French, so if you ever want help with difficult concepts (French has so many dumb rules) you're more than welcome to Pm me
No, because I still think about my problems even when I do have distractions. That's how bad they are.
Dreams can only get one so far. Tons of people are dreamers. It's actually making them happen which few can do.
It's alright. I already have Kaiwatt to help me with French and to talk to on Skype. If you're reading this, thanks for tolerating me and my depressing bullshit.
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Also yeah not all dreams come true but your dreams are concrete and grounded in reality, you can set a plan in motion to work towards achieving them unlike say....winning the lottery and living in a 4-acre estate in Spain. So don't dismiss your dream just yet.
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Pierre wrote:
It's nighttime so I'll be going now but Tophat the point of distractions is that they can't fix problems, only alleviate them a little. For problems we can't control due to our situation it's the best we can do for now. There's not any easy answers, like you've said before you need to wait for your situation to change and that's just something that you need to allow time to happen. So please don't put down distractions so much or expect to find an answer to your problems in them.
Also yeah not all dreams come true but your dreams are concrete and grounded in reality, you can set a plan in motion to work towards achieving them unlike say....winning the lottery and living in a 4-acre estate in Spain. So don't dismiss your dream just yet.
Also yeah not all dreams come true but your dreams are concrete and grounded in reality, you can set a plan in motion to work towards achieving them unlike say....winning the lottery and living in a 4-acre estate in Spain. So don't dismiss your dream just yet.
Too bad my distractions can't even alleviate anything for me. I still think about my problems regardless. I'm telling you that I'm not well. How I'm living isn't healthy and what I feel isn't good for someone my age. I'm only 16, yet I already hate my life. That isn't a good thing.
I still think that my dreams are lofty. I want to travel the world and go places. Few people can do that. And I honestly don't know if I'll be able to. If I end up on the streets with no job and no future, I fear the worst.
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TopHatProfessor1014 wrote:
You guys are kind enough to talk to me through all of this, but you also have to realize that none of you are part of my every day real life. If you were, things wouldn't be half as bad for me because I'd be in good company.
I know this might not be helpful to you (considering your case is serious enough for you to have seen a psychiatrist), but I at least found this Tumblr screenshot to be relevant:
Spoiler: fairly big pic
Quote:
Dreams can only get one so far. Tons of people are dreamers. It's actually making them happen which few can do.
This might sound trite, but why not strive to be one of those people, instead of just downplaying it?
Well? Are we going or what?
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Quote:
I know this might not be helpful to you (considering your case is serious enough for you to have seen a psychiatrist), but I at least found this Tumblr screenshot to be relevant:
Spoiler: fairly big pic
Yeah, well even so-called "Internet friends" have hurt me before. I once met a person on this forum and we had email contact for a year. She eventually left me when she couldn't stand me or my problems. In hindsight, I don't really blame her. But her abandoning me really put a large hole in me. I felt awful for months, but then met my girlfriend and... well you all know how that turned out. I've been trying to contact my email friend for awhile now apologizing over and over again, but I haven't gotten anything. So if you're reading this Mirri-chan, you have a thousand apologies from me. I just hope you'll respond one of these days with something.
Quote:
This might sound trite, but why not strive to be one of those people, instead of just downplaying it?
Of course I want to be one of those people. But I'm not a blind optimist and I have to be realistic here. Right now, I just got back from finishing a Pimsleur Japanese lesson. It's been helpful so far, and in only three days I know how to construct complete sentences. But I have to wonder, can I ever be fluent in Japanese or any language for that matter? Will any of this ever help me or get me anywhere when I go out into the real world? Or am I just wasting my time? I don't even know myself sometimes.
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TopHatProfessor1014 wrote:
Quote:
I know this might not be helpful to you (considering your case is serious enough for you to have seen a psychiatrist), but I at least found this Tumblr screenshot to be relevant:
Spoiler: fairly big pic
Yeah, well even so-called "Internet friends" have hurt me before. I once met a person on this forum and we had email contact for a year. She eventually left me when she couldn't stand me or my problems. In hindsight, I don't really blame her. But her abandoning me really put a large hole in me. I felt awful for months, but then met my girlfriend and... well you all know how that turned out. I've been trying to contact my email friend for awhile now apologizing over and over again, but I haven't gotten anything. So if you're reading this Mirri-chan, you have a thousand apologies from me. I just hope you'll respond one of these days with something.
Well, you're not going to let 1 person sullen an entire experience for you right? When vent station 2.0 opened you literally started with "I'll probably ruin this again". From previous experiences people could decide to poke into this hornet nest, but people here genuinely care and try to help you with the best of their ability. Not many places on the internet have such a caring community as Court-Records, or at least I think so.
Everybody has his/her quirks around here. Some can be considered rude, some don't listen to reason and some post a lot with 0 content in each post. Instead of saying 'Mirri-chan stopped corresponding after a year' you could say 'She corresponded with me for a whole year', but that's a matter of perspective.
Look TopHat, you look like a smart kid to me who just got to many things on his plate right now. Venting about the bad stuff is perfectly normal, but I hope you can acknowledge the good things in life. Things like: I have nothing to do --> I have loads of free time. It might be a small consolation, but at least you've got people here on C-R you can talk to right now, right?
Face your emptiness don't be afraid. The danger is often smaller than your fear.
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TopHatProfessor1014 wrote:
How I'm living isn't healthy and what I feel isn't good for someone my age. I'm only 16, yet I already hate my life. That isn't a good thing.
Well at 16 I considered myself as a living corpse/empty shell, had insecurities and was sure that my life would end with my suicide, so proof that a a little time can fix some things.
TopHatProfessor1014 wrote:
I still think that my dreams are lofty. I want to travel the world and go places. Few people can do that. And I honestly don't know if I'll be able to. If I end up on the streets with no job and no future, I fear the worst.
Well if you are learning a new language why not trying to apply for those special trip where they go to a specific place to learn a certain language (some are made for young people between 16 and 25) or just do a not too far trip (like going to a neighbouring city with your family for a week end). Also if you need advice about language choices I would say that mandarin and spanish will probably be major language in a few years and french is gaining terrain in some countries (most of them in Africa but still).
Time for a little rant: FFFFFF-------- SQUIRRELS!
They have now eaten half of my tomato (30) plants and killed some of my cactus, bonsai and adenium by unpotting them! I'LL GET REVENGE SOMEDAY!
Please don't hit me...
Last edited by Shao-Mae on Wed Jun 04, 2014 8:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Quote:
Well, you're not going to let 1 person sullen an entire experience for you right? When vent station 2.0 opened you literally started with "I'll probably ruin this again". From previous experiences people could decide to poke into this hornet nest, but people here genuinely care and try to help you with the best of their ability. Not many places on the internet have such a caring community as Court-Records, or at least I think so.
Everybody has his/her quirks around here. Some can be considered rude, some don't listen to reason and some post a lot with 0 content in each post. Instead of saying 'Mirri-chan stopped corresponding after a year' you could say 'She corresponded with me for a whole year', but that's a matter of perspective.
Look TopHat, you look like a smart kid to me who just got to many things on his plate right now. Venting about the bad stuff is perfectly normal, but I hope you can acknowledge the good things in life. Things like: I have nothing to do --> I have loads of free time. It might be a small consolation, but at least you've got people here on C-R you can talk to right now, right?
Everybody has his/her quirks around here. Some can be considered rude, some don't listen to reason and some post a lot with 0 content in each post. Instead of saying 'Mirri-chan stopped corresponding after a year' you could say 'She corresponded with me for a whole year', but that's a matter of perspective.
Look TopHat, you look like a smart kid to me who just got to many things on his plate right now. Venting about the bad stuff is perfectly normal, but I hope you can acknowledge the good things in life. Things like: I have nothing to do --> I have loads of free time. It might be a small consolation, but at least you've got people here on C-R you can talk to right now, right?
What difference does it make? The point is that she's no longer talking to me now, and I don't think she's ever coming back. We had a really good thing going, and it had to end. I'd go as far to say that it was my fault she left. It's something I regret every single day.
Free time means nothing to me if I'm alone with no friends. There aren't any "good things" in my life. If I'm fucking miserable every single goddamn day, nothing is going to change that. You people have to realize that even if you talk to me, it's not going to change anything. I'm grateful for your kindness, but my life affects none of yours. If I were to disappear or drop dead, it wouldn't change anything for you. All it would do is cease these depressing posts. I'm just a stranger to all. As much as you people are kind enough to talk to me, you aren't part of my real life. You don't eat lunch with me, you don't hang out with me, you don't live where I live. I'm just text on a computer screen.
Quote:
Well at 16 I considered myself as a living corpse/empty shell, had insecurities and was sure that my life would end with my suicide, so proof that a a little time can fix some things.
I've been like that for seven years. Time hasn't done anything for me. Like I've already mentioned, the only thing that can change me is a different environment. Where I am now is hindering my health and makes me wish that I was dead every single day. I can't live like this.
Quote:
Well if you are learning a new language why not trying to apply for those special trip where they go to a specific place to learn a certain language (some are made for young people between 16 and 25) or just do a not too far trip (like going to a neighbouring city with your family for a week end). Also if you need advice about language choices I would say that mandarin and spanish will probably be major language in a few years and french is gaining terrain in some countries (most of them in Africa but still).
They don't offer that until college, and even then it will probably not be until my later years. As for a trip, it's not going to happen. My parents don't take me anywhere.
I know. After French and Japanese, I'm going straight to Mandarin. My father is Chinese and I took lessons back in Elementary School, but never paid attention. It's a real shame. This is part of my heritage and I don't understand it. I wish that my father spoke to me in it from a young age though. If he did, I'd be fluent by now.
Oh well. So far Pimsleur has really helped me with Japanese, and it's only been three days. Sad to say, but it's more effective than my French teacher. I haven't had a good one since middle school. Anyways for the Japanese course it's 90 half hour lessons. One less per day. So that's what I've been doing. My goal for this year was to be conversational in Japanese, and I really think I can make it by December at this rate.
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TopHatProfessor1014 wrote:
Quote:
Well, you're not going to let 1 person sullen an entire experience for you right? When vent station 2.0 opened you literally started with "I'll probably ruin this again". From previous experiences people could decide to poke into this hornet nest, but people here genuinely care and try to help you with the best of their ability. Not many places on the internet have such a caring community as Court-Records, or at least I think so.
Everybody has his/her quirks around here. Some can be considered rude, some don't listen to reason and some post a lot with 0 content in each post. Instead of saying 'Mirri-chan stopped corresponding after a year' you could say 'She corresponded with me for a whole year', but that's a matter of perspective.
Look TopHat, you look like a smart kid to me who just got to many things on his plate right now. Venting about the bad stuff is perfectly normal, but I hope you can acknowledge the good things in life. Things like: I have nothing to do --> I have loads of free time. It might be a small consolation, but at least you've got people here on C-R you can talk to right now, right?
Everybody has his/her quirks around here. Some can be considered rude, some don't listen to reason and some post a lot with 0 content in each post. Instead of saying 'Mirri-chan stopped corresponding after a year' you could say 'She corresponded with me for a whole year', but that's a matter of perspective.
Look TopHat, you look like a smart kid to me who just got to many things on his plate right now. Venting about the bad stuff is perfectly normal, but I hope you can acknowledge the good things in life. Things like: I have nothing to do --> I have loads of free time. It might be a small consolation, but at least you've got people here on C-R you can talk to right now, right?
What difference does it make? The point is that she's no longer talking to me now, and I don't think she's ever coming back. We had a really good thing going, and it had to end. I'd go as far to say that it was my fault she left. It's something I regret every single day.
The difference is that you can be sad because it's over, but on the other side you should be happy she talked with you for a whole year. Happiness is something you can create for yourself, but if you only see the dark side of situations then you won't allow yourself to be happy. Like I said: perspective matters a lot. Unfortunately, only hindsight is 20/20 so you won't find the proper answers for your problems until they already happened to you. So you just got to tough it out until that happens.
Face your emptiness don't be afraid. The danger is often smaller than your fear.
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Shao-Mae wrote:
Time for a little rant: FFFFFF-------- SQUIRRELS!
They have now eaten half of my tomato (30) plants and killed some of my cactus, bonsai and adenium by unpotting them! I'LL GET REVENGE SOMEDAY!Ugh, that sucks. I had the same issue with birds pecking at my tomato plants (the fruit, rather) and gobbling up my not-yet-budding sunflowers until I discovered the wonders of aluminum foil. I lined the edges of the sunflower pots and tied a couple of small pieces of foil to the tomato cage. Apparently birds hate shiny things. Don't know if it'd work for squirrels, though.
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Quote:
The difference is that you can be sad because it's over, but on the other side you should be happy she talked with you for a whole year. Happiness is something you can create for yourself, but if you only see the dark side of situations then you won't allow yourself to be happy. Like I said: perspective matters a lot. Unfortunately, only hindsight is 20/20 so you won't find the proper answers for your problems until they already happened to you. So you just got to tough it out until that happens.
What happened makes no difference. I'm talking about the present, here and now. I'm fucking miserable now and that's what I have to deal with.
There is no happiness in my life. There isn't one good thing that ever happens to me in my day. It's the same shallow people that don't care, the same shitty environment, the same horrible school. It's impossible to be happy with where I am now.
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Sierra Mikain wrote:
Shao-Mae wrote:
Time for a little rant: FFFFFF-------- SQUIRRELS!
They have now eaten half of my tomato (30) plants and killed some of my cactus, bonsai and adenium by unpotting them! I'LL GET REVENGE SOMEDAY!Ugh, that sucks. I had the same issue with birds pecking at my tomato plants (the fruit, rather) and gobbling up my not-yet-budding sunflowers until I discovered the wonders of aluminum foil. I lined the edges of the sunflower pots and tied a couple of small pieces of foil to the tomato cage. Apparently birds hate shiny things. Don't know if it'd work for squirrels, though.
Not to mention... what kind of squirrels eat a cactus? That's either total bad-ass or those things are total hell-spawns.
Face your emptiness don't be afraid. The danger is often smaller than your fear.
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CatMuto wrote:
I dunno, Shao, can't you put, like, a metal fence around the plants? (Include the top, so they can't climb in?)
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Yeah there must be some form of anti-squirrel defence for your plants as I can't imagine you are alone in suffering.
I heard Grey Squirrels are such a problem here in the UK that regular citizens are required by law to attempt to kill them on sight.
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There's a ton of things that I can no longer bring myself to do since she left me. I can't listen to "Beyond the Sea," one of my favorite songs, because it was the last thing I ever listened to before it happened. It's too painful to hear it again. Especially since it's a romantic song. I can't go to what was once my favorite pizza place because I had a slice over there before I walked to her house. It was the last truly tasty meal I ever had because food no longer has the same flavor to me anymore. I can't go back, because it reminds me of that day.
I hate going to my locker at school now, because we'd spend time together there. There's also a window that's near my locker which overlooks the high school's indoor center court. That's another place I can't bear to be near. We'd always be there together practically every morning. In each others arms. Being so close. Whenever I see or have to go through that place, I'm assaulted with those images. It puts me into a really saddened feeling. It's the same whenever I walk past her locker, which I have to in order to leave the building. Sometimes I'll take the long way out, just so I don't have to be there.
Perhaps the worst is with my once favorite store the Exchange for my video games, movies, and CDs. I loved that place, and it was the one spot in my entire district that I enjoyed going to. Since that was where we had a first date and where we first kissed, it feels so saddening to go there. But I have to, because it's the only game store in my area.
Strangely though, we've walked home together a number times even though she acts cold towards me 5/6 times. I don't know how her mind works. This girl clearly has problems.
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Pierre wrote:
CatMuto wrote:
I dunno, Shao, can't you put, like, a metal fence around the plants? (Include the top, so they can't climb in?)
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Yeah there must be some form of anti-squirrel defence for your plants as I can't imagine you are alone in suffering.
I heard Grey Squirrels are such a problem here in the UK that regular citizens are required by law to attempt to kill them on sight.
I searched and I asked the botanical garden. None of the product or trick I found are actually effective and really vary from person to person. Also I laught a bit at your law. Here there is a lot of squirrels and it's forbidden to kill them except if it's an accident. I can't put something around my plants either because they are all on a simple wooden shelf. In a journal, I read an article about how Ontario (our neighbouring province) throw THEIR squirrel in OUR territory to get rid of them. So yeah they treat squirrel like their homeless people.
TopHat: I can help with your french if you want (I'm a french canadian).
Please don't hit me...
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