Yeah Dulla you should definitely see a Doctor to see if they can recommend something for Depression if you are worried about that.
Still it's good you got a chance to express yourself here. It must be a real struggle to be able to express yourself. Of course you can do that well while typing so it's fantastic you've got a place to talk about this.

Perhaps consider looking up a support group, there will be other people going through exactly what you will be. It's perfectly understandable that you would need a great deal of support to get through this, it's not like you could have prevented having a stroke to any meaningful degree. Strokes leave people debilitated for a while as you've said so don't feel bad when people help you, focus on the positives that you have people who want to help you instead of being alone.

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I may look into pills if it persists, I'm just on so many things already. Also, now I'm sick and lost my voice. Yay... just when talking was already hard enough. Now I really am stuck in my mind. =/

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What you describe is really distressing and it definitely sounds like something you should seek help for. While I have a pretty negative opinion of psychiatry from years of little to no positive results, I know that there are doctors out there who truly do care - I'd recommend finding someone like that. And if nothing else you can always talk about how you feel here.

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@Dullahan: Having a stroke sounds scary as hell. Really sorry to hear what you went through. Here's hoping for a quick recovery.

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Thanks. Wouldn't wish this on anyone. Hope you've been doing fine.

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Yeah, here's hoping for a speedy recovery.

When I was doing a research combined with an internship (which is the last assignment you need to do to graduate for a bachelor degree here) my research partner (pairs were mandatory) got a stroke smack-dab in the middle of the internship. Woke up with Bell's Palsy disease out of nowhere. Although our assignment got delayed a little we both managed to pass and graduate.

I know that you and my graduation buddy are completely different people, but the point I'm trying to make is: even a serious disease like that doesn't have to be the end of things. Things will most likely get better with time.

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You know, part of me is starting to wonder if I am pregnant, after all... though I would still be the first to demand to know how that happened.

C-A

PS: Looking at the calender, yesterday was a New Moon night... Of course! That explains a ton!

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I hate the media


Effing low life's have to consetrate on celebrity scandals and not stuff that's happen around the world

---

THIS F***ING INTERNET CONNECTION!

Seriously. When I try to get in one site, the internet itself wont let me in, but on the other sites, ooh la la! Lets Enter! Tried, like 40 times, but same happen. If I could slice, blow, punch the crap out of this stupid piece of IC CRAP, IT WOULDA BEEN FREAKING NICE!!!! *breathes very hard*

---

I don't know what news you watch that only focus on celebrity stuff, but the news I watch go on big themes (current strike of trains) to stuff in Germany and maybe something fun at the end.

Also... concentrate.

C-A

---

Just need to get something off my chest. Warning: wall of text below...

Back when I was much younger, I had a childhood friend whom I had a crush on. I never told her about it, partly because she was a few years older than me, and partly because I didn't even know what a crush was at that age (it's mainly through retrospect that I realized it). Anyway, my family moved to a different state, but we remained friends with her family, visiting each other when we were going to be in the area.

Well, a few years ago, I had the opportunity to see her in person again after several years had passed, and I saw that she had grown into this amazingly beautiful woman. There had been other women I had at one time or another been interested in before seeing my friend again, but there was something about her that set her apart from the rest. I can't really explain it, but it was like there was some sort of magnetic quality to her that no one before her possessed.

After about a year, I went to visit her family with my sister during Spring Break, and I had made up my mind that although my chances were probably slim, I was going to ask her out. Well, I did, but she turned me down, saying that she viewed me as a little brother. Given how long I had been pining for her, I was devastated. If it was anything else, like a character trait she didn't care for or something, it would possibly be fixable, but how does one recover from being brother zoned?

Ironically, she was also the most open and honest about turning me down out of anyone I'd ever asked out. Everyone I'd asked out before her (and after her, actually) would generally accept, but then either stop responding to my texts when trying to confirm when we'd be going out; say they weren't ready for a relationship but were okay with going out as friends, but then shortly afterwards break off all contact; or in one case, one person went so far as to actually confirm the time and place, then stand me up. But my friend not only gave me a straight answer, she even helped me sort out my feelings afterwards in order to help provide some closure. To this day, I still consider her my best friend for that very reason.

Fast forward to today, with failed relationship attempt after failed relationship attempt, she was always the first person my mind would go to when things didn't work out with someone, and every time, I asked why things couldn't have worked out with her. With her, I was always willing to go the extra mile to try and make things work. For example, I never wanted kids before her, but when I found out she wanted kids eventually, I started rethinking my position. And just a couple months ago, I realized that while there were plenty of women I had been attracted to, wanted to date, and possibly eventually marry if everything went well, she was the only woman I ever truly loved.

This kind of bugged me because I knew her feelings on the matter, but when we were talking things over shortly after I asked her out, I told her I liked her, that I really cared about her, but I never told her I loved her because I was afraid of driving her farther away, and I wasn't 100% certain it was actually love at the time. So I was in a pickle, now that I knew I loved her, I asked myself, "do I tell her, and risk losing my best friend over it, or do I stay silent and likely regret not telling her for the rest of my life?" So I subtly tried to see whether her feelings had changed, without actually showing my feelings toward her, and I texted her on Valentine's Day asking if there was any particularly lucky individual who was going out with her that evening. She pleaded the fifth, saying she could understand the curiosity, but she just preferred to keep those things to herself at the time. And in my head, I'm like "you've got to be kidding me, this is quite literally the worst possible answer you could have given me."

Well, about a month after that, I discovered from someone else that she had been in an on/off relationship with someone for quite a few years, but had permanently broken it off just a few months ago, so now her pleading the fifth made sense, as the wounds were probably still fresh. However, this raised a new question. When I asked her out, I did so under the impression that she was single (probably never would have asked if she was in a relationship), and took her rejection under the same impression. But now I was wondering if I asked her out during an "on" period, and if that was part, if not all, of her reason for turning me down. According to my source, she's actually a very private person when it comes to relationships, so for all I knew, that could have been her way of getting me to back down without telling me she was dating someone else.

So, I started thinking there was a glimmer of hope, and I started making plans to transfer colleges over closer to where she lived, because she is so busy, she rarely has time to text back and forth, and when she does, the time difference generally means I'm already asleep. So, I figured I might have a better chance if I wasn't so far away, and could actually spend time with her in person more often. However, just recently, I was trying to get a hold of her to tell her happy birthday, but she took her usual length of time to respond, and when she finally did respond, I found out she was on Memorial Day weekend vacation... with her boyfriend... to meet his parents... and that she'd been seeing him since March... as in, the month I started thinking there might have been hope for me yet.

I mean, it's not particularly surprising. With the way she looks, she's probably got a dozen people asking for her number every day; but now, there's the active possibility that she could end up engaged or even married before I ever get the opportunity to see her in person again, and I'd really rather not tell her I love her via text, or even on the phone before saying it in person. Anyway, I've just been having a rough time the past couple of days, and I just needed to let it all out somewhere. Thanks for listening (or well, reading, rather).

---

All I will say is, she sounds like a very honest person and I think that, if she had been in a relationship when you confessed to her, she probably would've told you IF it had been one of the bigger reasons why she rejected you.

C-A

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Hey you've still got a fantastic open and honest relationship with her at least. Those are wonderful whether or not they are romantic.

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I know, it's just that at this point, I don't think I can be satisfied being just friends with her anymore. I tried, and it's just not working for me.

And I realize her viewing me as a little brother was most likely the primary, if not only, reason she turned me down, but there's just a part of me that wonders if that could change now that she knows how I feel. I had even asked her during our discussion if that was possible, and she gave me kind of a non-answer (which, if there was no way she could ever see me as anything else, I'd kind of hope she'd say as much, but idk).

I get that my chances are next to nothing, but there's a part of me that just can't let go because she's one of the best things that ever happened to me, and if she or I end up marrying someone else, I'll lose that because there's really no way she could continue being a part of my life at that point given the way I feel about her.

---

I hate how the media in the U.S. sensationalize the shit out of everything. Be it from worthless celebrity gossip, yet another school shooting or sensationalizing X act in Y country/city that paints a city (Detroit), region (the Middle East), or even an entire continent (Africa) as a hellhole to avoid at all costs, no matter how much truth is actually in it. Of course, with those three examples I mentioned, there are legitimate problems that are good to know on an objective level. However, the media takes it and runs with it and turns into subjective mush that scares everyone into a frenzy that makes us do very ignorant and downright stupid decisions that do more harm than good.

It is especially painful in the case of Africa, a continent with too many diversities to list on a forum post and have them boiled down as a land of nothing but starving, dark-skinned people that are perpetually painted as simple and tribalistic with highly stereotypical at best and downright racist at worst portrayals. As a person who values cultural interests that aren't just shallow celebrities and bland notions of "patriotism" and "'Murica", I find this sickening. Seriously, when was the last balanced and somewhat positive thing about Africa not offered as empty political rhetoric portrayed in mainstream American media?

Sitting down, staying stuck on a couch for 4 months and really having nothing to do except stare at a computer screen or my closed eyelids, life has been nothing but boring and lonely feeling. Times like this, I really wish I had someone just to talk to. These days go by too slow. If I could at least walk and leave the house every once in a while, all this free time wouldn't be as bad. Just be nice to get to talk with someone during the day to kill this boredom.

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I HATE EVERYONE IN PRESUMED INNOCENT! Except 3 characters.
Nathaniel (yes, that's his name... nothing against it, but I think Nathan is better. no wonder he prefers Nat) - he's still a non-entity.
Rusty (protagonist)'s dead mother - she was only briefly described and I liked her, she tried to get a nice life after leaving her abusive husband.
Lip - he's the ONLY person in this damn book that has even a SHRED of decency!
Well, the judge of the current trial is kinda cool, too, but I'm keeping my opinion of him open.

And just FYI Scott Turow, I don't fucking care about Rusty's private life. I don't need to hear about him having sex with Carolyn, I don't need to hear about him having sex with his wife before and after, NOR do I need to know how they used to live in this bad house cause they were poor and their landlords watched them have sex. You know why? CAUSE IT'S NOT FUCKING IMPORTANT!! That last bit, what did it tell me about Rusty as a person? Or his wife? What did it have to do with the case at hand? Does it have an influence on anything? It doesn't.
I'm like Chekhov on this: if it ain't important LEAVE IT THE FUCK OUT!

I will say this: ACE ATTORNEY HAS MORE LIKEABLE CHARACTERS THAN THIS BOOK! And with that I am including the circus guys from 2-3! I know people hate them, I can't stand them, either, at times but they were still more likeable than these people.

Raymond should not be allowed to take the witness stand cause it's obvious he has it in for Rusty, so his testimony should be stricken due to obviously wanting to can the guy. Plus, he admitted he couldn't clearly remember a conversation on whether he gave Rusty the case or if Rusty asked for it. If you don't know, you don't goddamn get to say anything in court.

And the Glass...! The...! Glass...! I saw the mistake my mother was talking about. WHY DID IT TAKE THEM SO LONG TO FIGURE IT OUT!? Jeez, this is like AA where it took them forever to figure out "Hey, Maya is channeling Dahlia, she's not dead!" like WOW, you are geniuses! I figured that out OVER 24 HOURS AGO! Here's the thing, Scott Turow. I'm reading this book for the case, the law in it and that's it. I don't freaking care about the characters' personal lives because I don't like them and knowing about their personal life doesn't change anything about the trial.

Stick to the trial only, please. That's interesting for me and doesn't make me want to slam the book down every few minutes to vent about these people.

C-A

---

Goddamn piece of shit housemate(s) of mine.

Now don't get me wrong, I love the people with whom I share a house with, except for 1 dude. Nothing major but we just didn't click. Fortunately for me this guy moved out around half may.

BUT it turns out this guy was in charge of the internet and television service account in our house. He canceled it to end at the end of May, which is okay enough, but this guy tells me that the day before I leave on a big holiday to the US (Florida).

When I came back my other housemates took care of F'ing NOTHING. And when I try to contact the lovely housemate who was previously in charge of said account he won't pick up his phone.
He also left a lot of his junk in his room which we had to clean up for the new applicants tomorrow, which also was unpleasant.

UGH. Since I now arranged a new internet and television service we needed to install a new media box , modem and router etc. A guy from the company could install it today at it soonest, so after nearly 2 weeks of stupidly having no internet I'm back! yay

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GRABSLEZ... haeghhlee... GRAH!! *explodes in rage at Presumed Innocent*

C-A

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Venting the emotions I'm feeling right now.

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You don't sound pathetic and its OK to experience these feelings. Anxiety and sadness are all part of the normal human experience. Life is not meant to be 100℅ happy, we need to accept out bad experiences along with the good experiences. You aren't a worse person because of these things.

But have heart, Agoraphobia is a big deal but it can be overcome. One of the women I worked with had that for a while but has since transgressed onto loving going outside (to the point that its actually creating new problems XD)

If you feel you have a problem feel free to seek out help for if. Agoraphobia especially might be a big roadblock at the worse of time but like I said I've seen it dealt with. Though you don't do yourself enough credit, your art is fantastic and last I heard your commissions book was getting good business and you have a loving partner who cares about you. Nothing about your experience makes you a bad person.

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My mother suffered from a mild case of agoraphobia shortly after her arm got broken - too scared to go outside where people can easily jostle it around and cause pain. Fortunately, she's overcome it.

And I want to congratulate you, Dawn. Being able to admit, to yourself and others, that you need help is something I admire.

C-A

PS: Moodwhiplash, but I got a nice schnappszahl as my post count.

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This article (NSFW/NSFS) contains the following triggers: idiocy.

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Dunno if I should post this here, but I'm hopefully going to go and see a psychiatrist Tuesday to hopefully sort some things out with my head. I apologize for the long rant, but because of my situation, I just need a place to rant somewhere!

On days where I'm able to be able to think with a clear mind, it's been easy to see where my depression, or at least some, has been stemming from. Considering my age, I'm currently living and being dependent on my parents, I lost my job, contact with friends has been next to nothing, I had times where getting sick halted and even backtracked my physical recovery, my lack of self-confidence at times, not being able to do much on my own, like put on clothes and bathe, gaining weight from lack of being able to move which is affecting my self-esteem, and I have no plans on what to do when I'm finally better. Thinking back on all this, it's real easy for me to see now how this depression has hit me.

Doing a lot of thinking too, I think personally choosing to never want to pursue a relationship because marriage and stuff didn't really appeal to me has actually started to backfire on my mindset, probably because this mess has left me feeling lonely most of the time. The fact that speaking is still hard so I have no one to vent to doesn't help either. While I'm living with my parents, my mother is the only one who takes care of me, God Bless her. Right now, she's been my world. I love her, but it does get lonely with only her.

That said though, I feel more confident that I'll be able to pull through. Not knowing what will come of me once I'm better still kinda scares me because I feel like I've lost everything, but I'm hoping that by then, I'll at least have some plan on how to get my life back on track. I want to get better. I at least want to hit a gym once I'm well to lose all this weight I've gained from staying stuck on a couch! Looking at the date, I can't believe it's been 5 months since my incident. I honestly thought I'd be better a lot sooner.

But, I've been trying to look on the bright side too. I've made progress. When this started, I couldn't move my right side at all. Couldn't even make a fist, and up through March, could only type with one hand. I could barely lift my leg and couldn't even put any tiny pressure on my foot. Now, I can type normally, flex my arm almost all the way (still got a ways with my shoulder), and I can walk a bit now with the aid of a walker, even though I'm still working on standing still because of balance. Honestly, since most of my flexibility is back, all I really have left is to fix the strength now on my right side... and my speech. It's gotten better, but I still stutter an awful lot and it fatigues me fast when I speak.

I still have days where I'm heavily down, but I feel they are getting fewer. I've been fighting hard to stay positive and it hasn't been easy, thoughts can be so strong, especially negative ones. But I have hope that my days will be brighter and hopefully when I'm better, a little less lonely too. While there's some things that assist my depression that I have no control or idea on how to fix, I'm going to work hard on fixing the ones I can.

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That's really inspiring Dullahan to hear you are making such progress. It's understandable it would take such time to recover, I mean a stroke is no minor thing and some people don't recover, so don't feel bad about the time it's taken.

You're still young, it's definitely possible for you to grasp your fate once more. Once recovered you'll be perfectly employable again...I'd even try approaching your old place of employment if not somewhere else (though I dunno...being fired because of a stroke seems like discrimination when there's still a chance of recovery). Your mental faculties are all still intact so there's no reason you can't go back to what you consider a normal life.

Least that's how I see it.
You're doing amazing Dulla.

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That's what this thread is for.

C-A

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Thanks Pierre and Cat. =)

About the doctor today though, I'm having to reschedule. It's raining bad today and it's just my mother and I and we can't make it without getting really soaked. And the last thing we need is for the both of us to get sick because of this.

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Mom: "You keep telling me about kittens and stuff, but you never do anything to get a job"
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I WAS DOING ON TUESDAY WHEN I LEFT WITH FILLED-OUT APPLICATION FORMS!?

C-A

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I am so pissed off. As everyone here knows, I am unemployed and notoriously broke.

Saw some nice short pants on sale for 9€ at a store and I really need some because my current short pants are so short-short that I can only wear them at home because I am 2mm away from flashing my underwear. Nice to wear at home when it's hot, but really not appropriate to wear outside.

So I call mom and am told that I CAN'T buy the pants because I don't have enough on my account (I have 4.50€ on my account right now, so exactly half of the price) and she won't transfer anything because she can't afford... ...now, I know my mother is currently unemployed, too. But she is still getting Unemployment Money, which is less than what she earned previously, yes, but this sounds like a cop-out.

I know I am sounding ungrateful, but I am pretty fucking sure my mother's money issues are not as severe as mine. I AM PRETTY SURE SHE COULD'VE TRANSFERRED JUST A LITTLE MONEY, LESS THAN 10€ AND WE WOULD NOT STARVE OR BE EVICTED FROM OUR HOME.

It's like she forgot what exactly my money issues entail.

C-A

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I had to deal with some pretty asinine bullshit yesterday with my mother.

So we agreed yesterday that we would eat with the whole family (mother, father and 2 sons) at 6. So I said: I'll start driving at 2:30 for a 90 minute drive, drop off my friends at their respective homes and join you. Because of some cuuurazy wheather and an accident on the highway I'm experiencing mad traffic jams. I drop off my first 2 friends at 17:15, giving me only 45 minutes left.

Normally the rest of the ride would only take 30 minutes, but just to be sure I call my mother and tell her I might be late, I've experienced some crazy traffic beforehand today after all.

Needless to say the traffic was horrible. So I end up at my home at 18:15. this was 15 minutes after the agreed time, but they didn't have to wait for me and I notified her about the current trafic. But apperantly that didn´t cut it. After the whole silent treatment and some passive-agressive remarks I got a whole speech regarding that family is more important then friends and that the priorities in my life are completely wrong.

I know that failing to meet up at a certain time is bothersome, but I called in advance to notify her and the reasons were completely out of my powers to avoid. It feels pretty lame when parents give the additional guilt trip and keep hammering about how this is completely your fault.

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You wanna know what reall freaking grinds my gears?! MY QUESTIONS AND DOUBTS LEFT UNANSWERED!

Come on, freaks! It's not as if I'm asking how to hack something, destroy a metallic base, pirate something without getting under trouble. But just asking one thing. However, when I see that question left ignored... It makes me so MAD THAT I FREAKINGLY FUCKING WISH THEY'D CEASE TO FUCKING EXIST! UNABLE TO TALK OR OVER AND OVER OF SOME ASININE FUCKING CRAPHOLE THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT!!!!!!

*huff* *puff* *huff* ...Sorry for my immaturity or something, but that's that. AM I FUCKING FORBIDDEN TO ASK QUESTIONS, YA DODGEHOLES!?!!

Fucking Bastards who don't want to answer. Ah, they don't want to, I know that on the first place. They're feeling that they'd get banned or anything. After all, the one who's confused doesn't deserve answers. Lunatic Ballfuckers.

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Boy do I feel like a fool for backing Mighty No.9 a couple of years ago. If I was aware back then of how some publishers would be when dealing with Kickstarter, I would have stayed away, but it was all new back then, so I didn't know any better. The only good thing in all of this is thankfully, I didn't put much into it in the first place, so no big loss.

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I don't get it. Last I saw that game looked pretty nice, has something unfortunate happened?

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A lot of things really. It makes me feel sorry for those who backed way more money than I did.

To make things clear firsthand though, I don't have a problem with game delays if it's for the good of the game, but the way Comcept has been handling this has just been terrible. To put into perspective before I start my rant, the game has been delayed twice. It was supposed to come out early this year, got pushed back to September, and now got pushed to Q1 2016.

So, anyways, they messaged their backers today saying that we were the first to know, to say that the game has been delayed six more months to fix bugs and online features.

So... I have a few problems with this simple message here that I'll elaborate on.

The first is the elephant in the room, Red Ash, another Comcept project. During the kickstarter for that, Comcept announced, yes announced, that Mighty No. 9 was pretty much finished and ready. Making themselves want to look good. Just a day, a day, after Red Ash's kickstarter finished is when they message us about Mighty No. 9 saying it's unfinished. I didn't back Red Ash, but what immediately comes to mind is this.

Why wait to announce this RIGHT AFTER Red Ash is done? (I'll get to the timing in a bit too.) The way it comes across to me, is that they wait until moments AFTER Red Ash's kickstarter is done because they're trying to get as much money as they can while they still have decent rep. While it may not be the case, many, and I mean many, backers see it coming across this way, myself included. Especially how they put up 2 kickstarters for Red Ash when they haven't even released Mighty No. 9, so there's not even a proof of concept as to if they're even a company that's capable of making good games.

The fact that Red Ash failed as Kickstarter proves how fickle the fans feel the company is acting. Heck, when they saw Red Ash was failing, they go and announce that a company provided them with the cash flow they needed, and essentially said to those that were backing, that they'll have no say in anything about this game whatsoever, no fan feedback, but they still want their money. A MUCH different tune than what they said in the beginning with Mighty No. 9.

Another fact is that they say that the backers are the first to know about this delay. Don't know if they're ignorant or what, but the delay was announced to retailers just a few days ago, so everyone already knew, yet we're the first to know. Maybe I'm overreacting, but just combine everything Comcept has been doing as of late with this simple message and their actions on top of it, and I've developed a huge distrust for this company.

Heck, their only updates as of late, aside from this one, have just been updates on fanart and whatnot. They haven't even really come clean about their delays and whatnot or what the troubles have been as other companies have. I think as people who have given this company some of their own money, we should know. Other projects I've backed have done this, I don't understand why they don't. Heck, one game I have backed is progressing MUCH more slowly than anticipated, but they at least keep us up to date, let us know what's going on, and to me, that means a lot as I don't feel so ripped off.

Overall though, at this point, Comcept feels like nothing more than a greedy, money hungry corporation that just wants to screw over their backers and fans at this point.

It's funny too because my friend who didn't back the project has been talking about all the negative backlash for months that he's been hearing and I honestly didn't pay much attention, but after getting this update and seeing all Comcept has been up to, now I understand why.

Worst part is though, I'm a fan of Mega Man and I had high hopes. Honestly, I still hope Mighty No. 9 is a good game on release, but with the way Comcept has been, I'll never back their company again. Heck, they still haven't delivered on backer pledges yet.

And honestly, when I compare their campaign and whatnot to something like Shantae: Half Genie hero it's practically night and day.

Again, I'm glad I didn't put much down on this Kickstarter, but I feel SO VERY SORRY for those who did. Heck, it was Inafune and a Mega Man spiritual successor, you'd think nothing could have gone wrong.

TLDR: Has something bad happened to Mighty No. 9? Yes, Comcept happened.

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Dunno where else to put this since I'm real unsure if this is a vent or not, but anyways....

I'm pretty sad as we're probably going to be faced with having to put our cat down soon. She has kidney failure and she's just been rapidly losing weight and at this point, we've been prolonging it by bringing her to the vet and giving her fluids. She's turning 16 tomorrow and to be honest, she's been very very healthy up to this point, never sick and very active, so the fact that we have to make this decision now is so hard because the way she was, I honestly thought she'd live a lot longer than this. She's been with me since I was 12 and I'm happy to have had her in my life all these years.

I had a dog before her and we had to put him down too, but I find this one harder because I've had more time to grow up with her and I'm not a kid anymore where I can just brush it off. I thought I mentally prepared for this as I became aware of how old she was getting, but it's just hard. And the worst part, for me, is I can't even fully enjoy her last days because my stupid body is still recovering from my stroke and I can't even physically reach out and just pet her. This kills me the most.

---

I was the same with Tommy when he passed this morning.
He was so young, and it was so sudden his passing. I expected we'd have him for so much longer. Yesterday morning he was fine and energetic, but he slowed to a crawl by the evening and now he's gone. It was harder than I expected. We had a dog before, called Max but when he died he was well on in his years and had a number of problems so it was expected. Plus he was always more Dad's dog than the family's. Tommy was the Taggart family dog.

I've just been upstairs seeing my brother crying on the phone to his girlfriend, I was the same this morning but seeing the emotions still there almost brought them back up again after I thought I'd cried myself out. I'm especially worried for the days to come. In those days we'll really notice his absence, even now I do. I open the door to my room and visualise Tommy looking up from his nap in the shadows to see me. I lie in bed and look over at the spot he would lie in.

I just need to keep myself distracted. Good luck when she goes Dullahan.

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Sixteen... that's eighty-four in cat years. You have my sympathy, dullahan. I've lost enough cats to know how much it hurts.

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I know how you feel. Losing a beloved pet is never easy. I wish there was more I could say or do for you.

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Thanks everyone.

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Huh...I wouldn't say I'm depressed, but right now I'm just fed up with life. I had to quit my job because my epilepsy is getting out of control. I had a seizure last week that came without warning. Even on my medication, I'm still getting tremors and jerks in my hands and legs. Also I've been dating a guy who's really sweet, but tonight he found out that I was quitting my job and he got angry at me (he and I work at the same place). Now I feel like crap because I think I've been distancing myself without even knowing it. Last time we went out was a few days ago. May not sound that bad, but we've been trying to hang out as much as possible before I go away to school. I'm not really cut out for this relationship stuff and it's really stressing me out. I should've just stayed single. Would've saved us both the trouble, especially since I'm sick all the time.

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