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Jokes
Idol of Polar Bears
Gender: Male
Location: Norcal
Rank: Ace Attorney
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 11:37 pm
Posts: 4353
I have a good one:
A truck driver was sitting in a bar having a drink. Then the Hell's Angels arrive at the bar and make their way in. One of the bikers walks up to the man at the bar. The biker wants that spot so he takes a glass of beer and pours it over the truck driver's head. The truck driver just looks up at the man, pays for his drink, then walks out of the bar.
The biker sits down and says to the bartender, "Heh! That truck driver's not much of a man is he?"
The bartender responds, "Hm... he's not much of a truck driver either. He just ran over 26 Choppers on his way out!"
And, please. No "Yo momma" jokes. Those get old fast. Or, at least, keep them to a minimum.
Re: Jokes
ROCK AND ROLL! HIGH SPEED!
Gender: Female
Location: Inside Edgey's closet. Shhhh! Don't tell him I'm here!
Rank: Ace Attorney
Joined: Fri Mar 16, 2007 11:48 pm
Posts: 1061
okay okay.
A blind man takes a vacation to Texas. When he finds his seat, he notices how large it is. "Wow, these seats are so large!" The person sitting next to him says "Of course! Everything's bigger in Texas!" When he gets to the hotel, he goes to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives it to him and the blind man says "Wow, these mugs are huge!" The bartender replies, "Of course! Everything's bigger in Texas." Then the blind man gets up and asks "Where's the bathroom?" The bartender says "Second door on the right in the corridor next to this bar." The blind man then makes his way to the bathroom, but accidentally trips, missing the second door and going through the third which actually leads to the hotel pool and he falls in. When people come to help him, they hear him yelling "DON'T FLUSH! DON'T FLUSH!"
My art thread!
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Phoenix Wright and co.:Ace Mythbusters! Myth 2 finished
First AA fanfic: Childhood Turnabout (finished)
And my devart site
My billboard signature! *gets pelted with tomatoes*
My sprite thread! Calando in progress
Phoenix Wright and co.:Ace Mythbusters! Myth 2 finished
First AA fanfic: Childhood Turnabout (finished)
And my devart site
My billboard signature! *gets pelted with tomatoes*
Re: Jokes
Gender: Male
Location: The You 'kay
Rank: Prosecutor
Joined: Wed Apr 04, 2007 11:50 am
Posts: 718
"What are you drinking?"
"Magic Beer" the bartender says.
The woman looks at him a little weird, but she continues talking to him, since there's nobody better around.
"That's not really magic beer, is it?"
"Of course it is! I'll show you."
He finishes his beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building twice, then flies back into the bar. The woman, impressed, decides to try it herself, so she asks for some magic beer, drinks it, jumps out the window, and plummets to her death. The owner then says to the bartender,
"You know Superman, you really are a jerk when you're drunk".
Spoiler: Do a nice thing today,
Re: Jokes
Worthy's Girl. Den Mother. PxE Shipper
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere In Dream Time (Maine) having tea with Miles Edgeworth and discussing fanfiction.
Rank: Ace Attorney
Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:27 pm
Posts: 2919
Back in the day when any form of gambling was illegal, a priest, a minister and a rabbi were having their weekly poker game when the police raided the place they were playing at.
"This is a raid!" announced the policeman who first came through the door. "Anyone who has been gambling will be arrested!"
He looked at the minister first. "Have you been gambling?" he asked him.
The minister bowed his head, said a silent prayer for forgiveness, looked at the policeman and said, "No, I wasn't gambling."
The policeman looked at the rabbi next. "Have you been gambling?" he demanded.
The rabbi bowed his head for a moment, said a silent prayer for forgiveness and then looked at the policeman and said, "No, I wasn't gambling."
The policeman looked at the priest last. "Have you been gambling?" he demanded.
"With whom?" the priest wanted to know.
Some Really BAD And REALLY Dumb Jokes
Q. What do you get when you cross a sleeping bull with a tractor?
A. A bull-dozer!
Q. What is round and purple and goes "bang bang"?
A. ALexander the Grape!
Q. What is round and purple and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound?
A. Super Grape!
Q. What does a teenage Vampire and a boss have in common?
A. They're both a pain in the neck!
Q. Where do you go to find a psychic cat?
A. At the ESP-CA!
Q. What kind of vehicles do mummies drive?
A. A mummy-mobile!
Q. Why didn't the mummy have a good vacation?
A. He couldn't unwind!
Overheard: I know how old the General is. He knew General Custer when he was only Corporal.
Q. What is a ghoul's favourite snack?
A. Sand-witches!
Kickin' AWESOME Sig By Elriel! Avatar Artwork by Enrychan (Commission)! Thanks! :)
"Bravo! Another triumph for deductive reasoning!"--SH (Michael Caine)
Re: Jokes
A passionate fart, smelling dead
Gender: None specified
Rank: Desk Jockey
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 3:36 pm
Posts: 95
Mirror, mirror on the wall, show me, define me! I am the infinite telomerase! I am not an anti-existence! I AM THE PERFECT MISSINGNO.--er, chain!
Proud to be anti-Edgeworth!
Proud to be anti-Edgeworth!
Re: Jokes
Do you see the black one...or the white?
Gender: Male
Location: IN SPACE!
Rank: Ace Attorney
Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 12:06 pm
Posts: 6664
Hows does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
In a catalog!
What did the woman who was tanning at the beach say to Michael Jackson?
Get out of my son! *shot*
( I need to find some better ones!!! ^^)
On April 3, 2016, Court Records Forums experienced a miracle upon that day.
I feel the same
CatMuto wrote:
Pierre wrote:
Man...that looks dull...this actually makes me worried for KH3 (since that team worked on the battle system)
I feel the same
Re: Jokes
Oh snap!
Gender: Male
Rank: Desk Jockey
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2007 3:04 am
Posts: 114
Still slightly shaken up, he hands the flask back to the other driver and asks, "What do you suppose we'll tell the police?"
The other driver caps the flask and replies, "I don't know about you, but I'll tell them I wasn't the one drinking."
Avatar by Zarla <ashido.com>
In the year 4016, justice is no longer fought for in the courtroom—but with giant freakin’ robots!
In the year 4016, justice is no longer fought for in the courtroom—but with giant freakin’ robots!
Re: Jokes
Live life to the full
Gender: Female
Location: England
Rank: Decisive Witness
Joined: Sat Apr 21, 2007 10:52 pm
Posts: 184
"What are these clocks for?" the man asks.
"Every time someone lies, their clock ticks." St Peter answered.
The man looked around, but couldn't see George Bush's clock, so he asks where it is.
"Oh, it's in Jesus's office."
"What's it doing there?"
"He uses it as a ceiling fan."
Here's one that is nasty about Americans, but I did not come up with this joke!
While he was creating the world, God said, "I'm going to create a country called Canada, I'm going to give it beautiful lakes, vast forests and spectacular mountains."
An archangel asks, "Why are you being so nice to these people?"
God answers, "Don't worry, just wait until you see the neighbours I'm going to give them!"
Re: Jokes
Hug an Edgeworth today <3
Gender: None specified
Location: Phoenix's house (I wish)
Rank: Medium-in-training
Joined: Fri Mar 30, 2007 1:17 pm
Posts: 434
A man, a squirrel and a bee were driving in a car. Soon, the car ran out of petrol and broke down.
"Don't worry, I'll go pee in the tank" said the bee, so he peed in the tank and they started driving again. After a few hours, the tank ran empty again.
"Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank!" Said the squirrel.
"Sorry," said the man, "This car only runs on BP"
Thank you very much Deefunx for the sig ^_^
Re: Jokes
The hope that shines through despair.
Gender: Male
Location: Here
Rank: Prosecutor
Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 11:04 pm
Posts: 736
Re: Jokes
e × e = e²
Gender: Male
Location: God Less America
Rank: Ace Attorney
Joined: Wed May 02, 2007 8:17 pm
Posts: 2289
The rest of the walk to the cabin is uneventful, but once they arrive the American realizes he left his beer in the pickup truck. Refusing to drink the Canadian's "beer" he treks back on his own through the forest, rifle in hand. After retrieving his prized alcohol, he spots another native on the way back to the cabin. He puts the beer down on the ground and takes aim, killing the native with one shot.
Immediately, a swarm of mounties, red coats, horses and all, appear out of nowhere and tackle him, dragging him away. The American is shocked, of course, explaining to them that he was informed it was open season. Their reply: "Yes, but you're not allowed to use bait."
Re: Jokes
Gender: Male
Location: The You 'kay
Rank: Prosecutor
Joined: Wed Apr 04, 2007 11:50 am
Posts: 718
A crime was reported to the police that vandals were stealing toilet seats. The police had nothing to go on.
Two drug users were caught by the police. One of them was taking battery acid, and the other was taking gunpowder from fireworks. One was charged and one was let off.
Spoiler: Do a nice thing today,
Re: Jokes
太多時間
Gender: Male
Location: UK
Rank: Ace Attorney
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2007 3:39 pm
Posts: 1192
Yo Momma Jokes
Yeah, they're a bit childish but meh.
Yo Momma is so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
Yo Momma is so fat I drove around her and ran out of fuel.
Yo Momma is so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Let us dye the world in despair, and bring a dismal end to this fairy tale.
Re: Jokes
A man is not a piece of fruit.
Gender: Female
Rank: Decisive Witness
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 11:03 pm
Posts: 208
Bush and his wife are in a plane. Bush says, "I'm going to throw a $100 bill out the window and make someone happy."
Laura says, "Oh yeah? Well, I'm going to throw one hundred $1 bills out the window and make one hundred people happy!"
They started arguing about who would cause the most happiness, and after a few seconds, the pilot says, "You know what? I'll throw you both out the window and make EVERYBODY happy."
No, I'm awake.
Re: Jokes
My client pleads insanity.
Gender: Male
Rank: Desk Jockey
Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2007 11:06 pm
Posts: 127
Re: Jokes
ROCK AND ROLL! HIGH SPEED!
Gender: Female
Location: Inside Edgey's closet. Shhhh! Don't tell him I'm here!
Rank: Ace Attorney
Joined: Fri Mar 16, 2007 11:48 pm
Posts: 1061
Boredman wrote:
A man decided that he would run over every lawyer he sees walking on the sidewalk with his truck. He sees a priest hitchhiking and picks him up. He then sees a lawyer and starts driving toward him. Then he remembers that the priest is in the passenger seat so he swerves away a half-second before hitting the lawyer. He then says to the priest "I am sorry. I almost ran over that lawyer." The priest says "Don't worry. I got him with the door."
A lawyer joke here? Oh this opens the door to all sorts of possibilities...
OBJECT- *WHUMP!*
OH NO! NICK! SPEAK TO ME! SAY SOMETHING! ANYTHING!
Get...the...license plate... number... ugh...I don't mean to offend anyone from New York... Okay. Now for the joke.
Three guys from New York were standing at the Pearly Gates of Heaven.
"Hmm... We haven't had any guys from New York for a long time..." said St. Peter. "I need to speak with God about this..."
St. Peter informed God of the men from New York.
"Well, let them in and see how they do," he said. And so St. Peter left. However, only a few seconds later, he ran back yelling, "GOD! GOD! THEY'RE GONE!"
"What? The New Yorkers?"
"... Well, yes them... AND THE PEARLY GATES!"
My art thread!
My sprite thread! Calando in progress
Phoenix Wright and co.:Ace Mythbusters! Myth 2 finished
First AA fanfic: Childhood Turnabout (finished)
And my devart site
My billboard signature! *gets pelted with tomatoes*
My sprite thread! Calando in progress
Phoenix Wright and co.:Ace Mythbusters! Myth 2 finished
First AA fanfic: Childhood Turnabout (finished)
And my devart site
My billboard signature! *gets pelted with tomatoes*
Re: Jokes
Most concerned citizen out there.
Gender: Female
Location: City-17
Rank: Ace Attorney
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2007 6:41 am
Posts: 1961
Xbox Live: LadyDuoMaxwell
Re: Jokes
A man is not a piece of fruit.
Gender: Female
Rank: Decisive Witness
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 11:03 pm
Posts: 208
No, I'm awake.
Re: Jokes
Most concerned citizen out there.
Gender: Female
Location: City-17
Rank: Ace Attorney
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2007 6:41 am
Posts: 1961
seastone130 wrote:
That's kind of the point. We all need to get it out sometime.
No, it's a everytime thing. I could never laugh at a joke, even it is really fun. :|
Xbox Live: LadyDuoMaxwell
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