For those who are unfamiliar with the previous Kirby Super Star, it consisted of several short-but-sweet platforming "games" (none by itself could be sold as a full game, but each contains its own levels and storyline), plus a short racing game, a boss battle mode, and two minigames, all starring the ever-popular ability-copying pink puff, Kirby. Also unique to this game is the helper system, wherein Kirby can absorb an enemy's ability and then eject it into the form of a little helper with that power, which can be controlled by the computer or a second human player. The new version, Kirby Super Star Ultra for DS, promised four new games and three touch-screen controlled minigames in addition to the nine classics: Spring Breeze, Dyna Blade, Gourmet Race, The Great Cave Offensive, Revenge of Meta Knight, Milky Way Wishes, The Arena, Samurai Kirby, and Megaton Punch. I'll skip talking about the old ones for now (which are as excellent as they were back in the SNES era), and focus on the new games that I've played so far.

The Revenge of the King is a redo of Spring Breeze (which is itself a remake of the very first Kirby game) in which King Dedede, feeling upset over his previous loss to Kirby, revamps his forces and beckons Kirby to a rematch. The game's a tougher version of its predecessor, and the enemies and level designs have received quite an overhaul in terms of graphics and difficulty. For instance, prior to fighting the final boss in Revenge of the King, you have to face off against an airship in the style of a 2D space shooter, while Dedede's level itself became much longer and more enemy-laden. Although I had already played Spring Breeze a thousand times if I'd played it once, I was pleased to find it more challenging and I didn't think much of the possible consequences of this mini-remake. Little did I realize what was to come...

Meta Knightmare was an exciting prospect for me, as it is one of few occurrences of Meta Knight as a playable character (the only other games I can immediately think of are Super Smash Brothers Brawl and Kirby: Nightmare in Dreamland), with touch-screen activated attacks to boot. I watched the opening, took the time to learn the controls, and had played for a full ten seconds before I realized that I was playing Spring Breeze... again. I thought that it must just be a jumping-off point, a chance to get used to a new style of play... Until I had finished all of Spring Breeze and found that the entirety of that game comprised "Level One" of Meta Knightmare Ultra. Next up, Level Two: Recomplete all of Dyna Blade. Then Level Three: The Great Cave Offensive. If you're sensing a pattern here, congratulations: you've just graduated from game developer's kindergarten. I began to feel a tad upset as I refinished levels that I had played only hours before. I was determined to see it through, retaining faith that Hal would give me something new, and upon completing Milky Way Wishes (again), I was given a small reward: a tough new boss with moves similar to Meta Knight. So tough, in fact, that I lost a life for the first time in Meta Knightmare, and was forced to defeat him on my second try instead. Oh yes, did I mention the difficulty curve yet? Imagine it as a 180 angle that stretches along the very bottom of the graph, plodding along like a cuddly old dog. I understand that the Kirby series isn't exactly the industry name for challenging gameplay, but at least it's generally just tough enough to keep you pleasantly occupied.

Meta Knight's touch-screen controlled attacks actually amount to nothing more than a convenient menu system of overpowered moves for an already overpowered character. You activate these moves by slaughtering enemies and collecting their points. When enough points are accumulated (and they mount up quickly, trust me), you can heal yourself, increase your speed, summon a sword-toting helper, or execute a devastating tornado attack. You generally gain two points from small enemies. That, right there, is enough to create a helper. Kill five run-of-the mill enemies after that, and it's enough to FULLY restore the health of you AND your buddy. After you gain just thirty points, you can use your tornado attack, which reduces most bosses to quivering piles of pixels that are easily defeated in one or two more hits, if not killed outright. At any rate, I blasted through it, and then dealt with the real difficulty of this game: the hollow feeling of no real accomplishment.

I couldn't stomach any more for the moment, so I hopped on Wikipedia to find out what I'd been missing out on: What on earth is Helper to Hero? As it turns out, it's a rehash of the Arena, only you get to play as a helper instead. I can't comment much since I haven't played it yet, but I have to ask: How is playing as a helper any different from playing as Kirby with a copied ability? Here's hoping there's a saving grace. And as for the True Arena, it's a remake of the Arena that involves all the old bosses, plus the new ones.

If you're getting tired of the words "remake", "rehash", "recomplete", "refinish", "rematch", or anything else that begins with "re", I apologize. Trust me, so am I.

The brand new touch-controlled minigames are at best, somewhat fun, and at worst, unbearably boring (I'm looking at you, Kirby's Card Swipe). Snack Tracks is amusing, but hardly enough to sustain entertainment for how long and unnecessarily complicated the rounds are (Why do you have to switch tracks in the middle? Why are rocks so hard to tap twice when so little time is given to you on the touch screen?). My favorite of the bunch was Kirby on the Draw: Fire darts by touching targets that pop up, avoid hitting bombs, and reload when necessary. I was getting a warm, fuzzy nostalgia for Point Blank as I played it. Finally, there's Kirby's Card Swipe: Look at some cards. Touch one that matches the top screen card when it's revealed. Whoo, I can't take all this excitement.

As for the classic games, I don't know what I can say: the original Kirby Super Star is my favorite Kirby game ever made. If you've never played it and you're a fan of simple, fun platforming, rectify the situation as soon as possible. There's great variety, fantastic multiplayer gaming, and adorable sprites and backgrounds. I cannot recommend it enough. The first time I played it, I fell in love with it instantly, and sought to buy it as soon as possible. I have to hand this much to the new game: Having it available on DS made it easier for my friend and I to play the old games together and sustain our saves. My copy for SNES has crashed and lost our data more than once, unfortunately. Also, the new 3D cutscenes and spiffed up graphics and sound were a welcome addition.

I'm sure Nintendo thought they'd struck gold when their newer handhelds (GBA and DS) came out. They must have thought: "Hey, some of the kids playing handhelds now weren't even ALIVE during the 16-bit era! And definitely not the 8-bit!" So they dusted off all the awesome Mario and Yoshi and Kirby games of the past, spruced 'em up a little bit, and stuck them back on the shelves. And I'm OK with that, provided they don't screw with the controls too much and new content is added. Hell, for the kids, it must be an exciting new experience as it was for those who grew up with these games in their original incarnations. With that said, I'm afraid this Kirby doesn't pass muster for me. There is not enough new and interesting material to make it worth the thirty dollar price-tag.

I suppose since I've spent so much of this review expressing my frustration with the remake, this is the part where I say: Only buy it if you're a DIE-HARD FAN. I can't say that with a straight face. I AM a die-hard fan, and I can't justify the price no matter how I look at it. Only buy Kirby Super Star Ultra if you've never played the game before, you don't own a decent copy of the SNES version, and you find it in a bargain bin several months down the line.

Cliff Notes Version!
The Good: All the fun platforming and multiplayer amusement, in convenient handheld form
The Bad: Redundant repetitious rehash redone, and you get to pay thirty bucks for it
The Ugly: Revenge of the King is a remake of a remake of a remake

Complete the Dark Brotherhood story first and become the Speaker. This way, you can bring some Murderer along to help you. I took the archer with me the first time, but I ended up losing him somewhere. I needed to go back and sell my loot anyway to free up space.

*coughbigbosscough*