machinimator
Gender: Male
Rank: Prosecutor
Joined: Thu Apr 24, 2008 8:24 pm
Posts: 606
Lessee...
You seem eager to introduce the details of the characters, and it seems to take the form of a really rushed conversation. The guy says he's late, and the response is "You're the best doctor here"? That doesn't make much sense to me. Here's my possible revision.
"Hey, better late than never, right? Besides, after that close incident yesterday with the cancer patient, I think I can cut you some slack."
The bit about him being both a doctor and a lawyer was also a little forced. I think maybe you could introduce this fact later, when he's making his acquiantance with the defendant.
"Wait...I thought you were a doctor!"
"Well, that too. Both, actually."
"Huh. Must be a real workload..."
Then, during examination, it said for me to find the needle, so I kept trying to. However, there is very little indicating what can be examined, and in fact I found absolutely nothing of interest other than the medicine on the bed. I just continued...
At first I didn't quite get that Viola was supposed to be a...detective?
Anyone who works at a hospital will normally tell you that rather than not being allowed to administer medication, they're the ones who REGULARLY give medicine. You know, "one pill every two hours" sort of thing. Remember Mimi Miney?
Yeah, I have a feeling I was supposed to have the needle after that so that's when I stopped.
I'm gone for so long, and the colors got all psychedelic! Woohoo!