Compiled with the aid of LiveJournal's Gyakuten Saiban community, WikiQuotes, Gamespot forums, Court-Records.net, and some other websites. (Some quotes also found on my own)

So far, Phoenix Wright has made references to...
300
Kelis - Milkshake
Legend of Zelda (the old TV cartoon)
The Godfather
Various celebrity love affairs
Danger Zone
Lord of the Rings (?)
Scooby Doo
YTMND
1337speak
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
lolcats (?)
The Simpsons' Dr. Frink (?)
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
The A-Team
The Police (band from 1980s)
The Colbert Report
The Matrix (Revolutions)
O RLY Owl
Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood

----UNSORTED----

Phoenix: Why is it lately, all I want to do is cry?

Phoenix: The contradiction is somewhere around here! I think.
Judge: Somewhere?...
Edgeworth: Around here...
Mia: <Angry> I think?

Judge: What is it, Mr. Wright!? You're grinning like a schoolgirl on prom night!
Phoenix: No, I... it's just, I got confused...
Edgeworth: And this is news?

Phoenix: <Pounds desk> ...
Judge: Yes, Mr. Wright?
Phoenix: I was hoping I'd come up with a question while pounding on my desk.............. I didn't.
Judge: ... You have my sympathies.

Chief of Police: They're married!
Phoenix: It looks to me like they've been handcuffed together.
Chief of Police: That's what marriage is!

Wright: This is a message from the deceased!
Judge: Right... now this is a message from the judge.

Judge: Mr. Wright! The court requests that you find your marbles immediately.

Judge: It just seems like the defense was just playing with himself.
Phoenix: (Could you please rephrase that, Your Honor? For my sake...)

Phoenix: Um...I plead the fifth.

<Presenting wrong evidence>
Phoenix: Well, Your Honor? How do you feel about that?
Judge: Actually, I don't feel well at all. I have this pounding headache...
Phoenix: No, no, I meant, what do you think about the...
Judge: I'm afraid the reason for that headache is you, Mr. Wright! <penalty>

Phoenix: The problem with this evidence... is here!
Judge: Where?
Phoenix: Uh...
Edgeworth: Take that finger and point it at your own head, Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: What do you think!? I came up with this message!
Judge: Hmm... Yes... I feel like I'm teaching handwriting to a student who is all thumbs...
Edgeworth: I think you should have him write out "I won't do it again" 100 times.

--------------------PHOENIX WRIGHT--------------------

Edgeworth: What the hell was that wriggling piece of plywood?

Ema: Note to self: Evildoers are weak against starlight.

Phoenix: I would like to cross-examine the witness' pet parrot!

Gumshoe: The Chief's organ sure is a sight to behold.

Judge: I would like to end the cross-examination of the witness.
Edgeworth: OBJECTION!! ............
Judge: Yes, Mr. Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: I was hoping to come up with a question while I was objecting, Your Honor................ I didn't.
Judge: I see... Very well.
Edgeworth: OBJECTION!!

Gumshoe: Hope I'm not interrupting anything pals!
<Silence>
Gumshoe: Oh...Guess I am. I'll come back later.

Phoenix: Apparently, E.S.P. is no aid in detecting sarcasm.

Phoenix: TAKE THAT!
Judge: Wrong, Mr. Wright.
Phoenix: ...But I haven't said anything yet?
Judge: I know you well enough by now to know when you're going to present the wrong evidence.
Maya: I can sense it too, with my Fey blood...
Phoenix: Okay, okay, so I picked the wrong evidence! Enough with all the sensing!

Edgeworth: (in custody) So...you've come to laugh at the fallen attorney. Well? Why aren't you laughing?
Maya: Nick...should we be laughing?
Phoenix: Nah. It's a trick. Laugh and he'll get mad...or burst into tears. Edgeworth...we don't have so much free time we can spend it coming down here to laugh at you.
Edgeworth: ...Yes you do.
Phoenix: (Actually, he's right)

Edgeworth: <Stalling for time while he thinks> Indeed! Verily, I say...Ergo!

Gumshoe: Well, okay, Mr. head-in-the-fluffy-pink-clouds lawyer.

Phoenix: (If Gumshoe's salary drops any further, he'll be PAYING to work!)

Mia: (to Phoenix) You did pass the bar exam, didn't you?

Phoenix: The, um, defendant? That's... er... Mia Fey?
Mia: Wrong, Wright. Look, I have to leave. I'm...expecting a delivery.

Phoenix: The contradiction in Ema's picture is...uh, this part here?
Judge: Hmm...I don't see what's so strange about that.
Phoenix: That's because the drawing stinks!
Ema: !...Mr. Wright...How could you...*sniff*
Edgeworth: The act of making an innocent girl cry should warrant the death penalty.

Edgeworth: If you have a response, make it one word or less.
Phoenix: ......ARRRGGHHHHH!!!!!
Edgeworth: <Bows> I rest my case.

Judge: Noooooooooooo!!....Wait, I'm not the one on trial.

Maya: Who cares what a witness says!
Phoenix: (I care...)

Gumshoe: I think I've seen something like this before.........Nah. I can't remember.
Phoenix: It seems this is becoming a habit with you.
Gumshoe: I can't keep anything in my head lately!
Ema: Note to Self: Detective Gumshoe is going senile.

Judge: What's all this? Please enlighten me about this so that I may be shocked along with the rest of the court.

Phoenix: Huh. Someone left one of those poppers here. You know, you pull the string...and it goes "pop." Yeah, I know the ones. You see them a lot around New Year's.
Maya: Hey, Nick! It might be a clue! Let's take it.
Phoenix: C'mon, admit it. You just want to pop it, right?
Maya: Was it that obvious?

Meekins: I spun him around and did a disarming maneuver! I made sure to close my eyes like a man!

von Karma: Just bang your flimsy gavel and get on with it, man!

Edgeworth: Mr. Wright...I believe the next lunch you'll be eating is...humble pie!

Phoenix: Wait, so Edgeworth...you're saying you had to bargain terms with a kid...and LOST??

von Karma: Objection sustained!
Judge: W-wait now, I'm the one who's supposed to say that!
von Karma: Well then, say it already!
Judge: Objection sustained.
Phoenix: (Thanks for nothing, Your Honor...)

Phoenix: (Proof-shmoof! Always with the proof-oh, wait, I do need proof, don't I.)

Phoenix: (Why do I picture giant bales of money every time I hear the word "bail"?)

Phoenix: Fishing? What are you going to use for bait?
Maya: Oh...*Sigh*...I figured something like this would happen.
Phoenix: We should have brought [that police dog] with us. Then at least we'd have bait.
Maya: NICK!!!

Judge: The prosecution will wait. I'm not finished eating.

Judge: I once spent a whole day looking for my dentures. They turned out to be in my mouth all along.

Gumshoe: It's funny, one day I woke up and I wanted a fishing pole.
Maya: Do you like fishing?
Gumshoe: ...I've never gone.
Phoenix: Must have been one of those mid-life crisis things.

CAPTION: Picked up air tank of dubious value.

Gumshoe: Get the name right! And don't go calling me "Dick"...
Officer: Hey, Dick! Get over here!
Gumshoe: Y-Yes, sir!

Maya: Someone should whip that Butz into shape.

Gumshoe: Whoooooooooooooop! Amazing, pal! You pulled through just like I thought you would!
Maya: See, Mr. Edgeworth? You should take a lesson from Detective Gumshoe! That's how you say "thank you"!
Edgeworth: Mmm. I... I see. *ahem*
...
Whooooooooooooop!
...
I... I feel foolish.

Ema: So does that mean if I order pizza, I'm planning to kill the delivery boy?

Phoenix: (Mr. von Karma, I think I hate you.)

Phoenix: HOLD IT! *slams desk*
Dee Vasquez: Please don't slam your desk, it irritates me.
Edgeworth: *slams desk* Yeah, Wright!...Whoops...

Grossberg: "Ah... the days of my youth... like the scent of fresh lemon..." you see.

Judge: So this is why everyone raves about caviar! It's so tasty it hurts!

Phoenix: *OBJECTION!* Ms. Hart! Were you REALLY looking at that boat!?
Lotta: W-what's with you!? Course I was looking at it! It was the only thing out there! Any normal person'd be looking at it!
Phoenix: I agree, any normal person would. But you are far from normal!

Mia: You need to help us fight for great justice. Isn't that the Steel Samurai's motto? "For great justice"? You have to help us fight for great justice, too.

Phoenix: Ms. May. What you said just now was quite...revealing.
April: Revealing? Ooooh, you'd like that, wouldn't you. Naughty Mr. Lawyer...

Phoenix: (I'll get to this woman's bottom! Wait...I mean...you know what I mean.)

Manella: Which, of course, led to me missing my lunch. ROFS!
Phoenix: (ROFS? Rolling on the Floor.... Starving?)

Maya: We're on the case too, pal!
Gumshoe: Huh? Hey! You can't just go saying "pal" like that! That's MY endearing character trait!

Phoenix: I believe that the witness named his parrot, Polly, after his deceased fiance!
von Karma: Hah! My granddaughter has a dog she calls 'Phoenix'. Does that make you her fiance? She is only 7 years old!!

Phoenix: (No, this isn't a bad dream, Your Honor. Witness the power of the Oldbag...)

Gumshoe: Hey! Aren't you that murderer from the other day?

Edgeworth: OBJECTION! I...object to the witness's talkativeness.
Judge: Objection sustained!

Manella: Yeah... sux0rz. I hate missing out on food.
Maya: Uh, Nick, what does "sucksores" mean?
Phoenix: No idea.

Phoenix: Maya, we really need to talk about "cool"...

Maya: ...
Phoenix: What's wrong, Maya? This is him!
Maya: This...this is the guy that plays the Steel Samurai?
Phoenix: Yup! Mr. Will Powers himself, in the flesh!
Maya: Um...I know I shouldn't be saying this, but...Yup. He definitely did it. Murder. At least once. Maybe twice.

Edgeworth: Please state your full name.
White: You wish to know the title of my personage?
Edgeworth: Er... your name?
White: Yes! That is what I said! Oh dear, do my locutions confuse?
Edgeworth: Name!
Phoenix: (These two are great together...)

Maya: That old Ms. Windbag sure has balls! Or... well, you know what I mean.

Larry: We were Romeo and Juliet! Mark Antony and Cleopatra!
Phoenix: (Ummm... didn't they ALL die?)

Ema: It's just a flesh wound, Mr. Wright!

Judge: Very well! This time I'd like to declare a verdict for good!..........
Phoenix: OBJECTION! Your honor, wait!
Judge: What is it with you people!? Can't I hand down my verdicts in peace anymore!? Whatever it is, can it wait?
Phoenix: N-no it can't. Then it will be too late!

Edgeworth: Witness, you should know the rules of evidence law! Rule 1: No evidence shall be shown without the approval of the Police Department! In other words...this item is illegal evidence!
Ema: I-Is that right, Mr. Wright?
Phoenix: It seems so. Edgeworth sure is celebrating.
Angel: Not so fast, Mr. Edgeworth. Don't forget...I used to be a detective! As I mentioned previously, this item has been tested by a member of the forensics department! As you can see, it was approved by the Police Department as of...today.
Edgeworth: Nuh...Ungh!
Ema: I-Is that right, Mr. Wright!?
Phoenix: It seems so. Edgeworth is looking pretty sullen.

Judge: The witness will refrain from wonton winking!

Ema: You know, I never did care for the word "tag." It's confusing.
Phoenix: Huh? What's so confusing about that?
Ema: Do you know how many other words sound like it? "Bag," "Gag," "Nag," "Lag," "Xag"...
Phoenix: "Xag"...? Is that a word?
Ema: Do you challenge me...?

Judge: The spork is a wonderful invention.

Phoenix: Isn't it sort of strange that you mistook her red scarf for blood?
Judge: It's not so surprising. Some people have mistaken my beard...for a bib.
Phoenix: (A judge with a bib. That's why this place feels so much like kindergarten sometimes.)

Marshall: They shoot ya for that in Texas.

Ema: Note to self, Mr. Edgeworth's sigh smells like citrus fruit.

Ema: Note to self: Attorney Wright gets bitten by snake.

Judge: Generally, the victim in a murder case is no longer living.

Phoenix: Witness! You can't just say "hello" and expect us to get anywhere! I want you to testify!
Parrot: Hello! Hello! *squawk*
Phoenix: ......Maya, you talk to her.

Ema: It says "SECURITY". Perhaps it's a cafe?
Phoenix: Huh?
Ema: "Cafe Security" ... Yeah, that must be it. Let's check it out later!
Phoenix: Um. I hate to break it to you, but I think that's probably just a security guard office.
Ema: ...
You know I scored a 97 on my science test the other day.
Phoenix: (Too bad they don't have a test for common sense.)

Phoenix: It's not something I can claim to understand...But you and Mr. White are lovers, aren't you!
Grossberg: W-w-what! My boy!
Phoenix: You sent that painting to him! As a sign! A sign of undying love!
Grossberg: M-m-my boy, please! You're letting your fancies run away with you! Where do you get these bizarre ideas?
Phoenix: I... I don't understand how you could...
Grossberg: That's because I'm not, we're not... Don't be ridiculous!
...Enough. I'll swallow my pride and tell you all.
Phoenix: (I knew it! They ARE lovers!)
Grossberg: N-no! We are NOT lovers!

Judge: Your... "other boyfriend"?
Angel Starr: Yes, there's this boyfriend, that boyfriend, the other boyfriend... The position for "yet another boyfriend" is still available.
Judge: ......N-no thanks!
Ema: Note to self: The judge had to think about it first.

Judge: If you wish to hang yourself, Mr. Wright, you're welcome to, but not inside my courtroom.

April: I like a man with a big... vocabulary.

Judge: Well, Mr. Wright? Do you think it possible that this witness could have moved the body?
Phoenix: Well...I think she could do it! You'd be surprised what people can do when they really try!
Judge: ...Mr. Wright, this is not an episode of "That's Incredible."

April: You don't just have spiky hair, you also have a spiky heart.
Phoenix: (That does it. When this case is done I'm shaving my head.)

Oldbag: ...
...
...
Maya: The old windbag sure is quiet today.
Oldbag: ...
Maya: You know, this place is really...peaceful, like this.
Oldbag: ...
Maya: Nick? I think her guard's down...
Phoenix: Y-Yeah?
Maya: I bet we could even eat the donuts in the guard station...if we wanted.
Oldbag: ... You eat, you die.
Maya: Whew! She's alive.

Phoenix: Difficult-looking legal books stand in a formidable row. They mock me. I tried reading one, and it made my head hurt. When I closed it, it slipped out of my hand. Then my foot hurt too.

Phoenix: So? How could you see Edgeworth!?
Lotta: Now, just hold your horses for a second! You hasty Yankee types'd never find a gal where I'm from.
Judge: Defense attorneys have trouble with that as it is.
Phoenix: (Nobody loves me...)

Phoenix: Ohhh yeah, right here! Sherlock Holmes II, baby!

Phoenix: Oh, right! Wasn't she, um, poisoned by, er... poison?

Judge: The test will consist of a few simple questions. Answer them clearly and concisely. Who is the victim in this case?
Phoenix: Oh, um, wasn't it Ms. Block? Ms. Cinder Block?
Judge: The person in question was a victim of murder, not ill-conceived naming, Mr. Wright.

Larry: I wasn't dumped! She just wasn't taking my phone calls. Or seeing me... Ever. WHAT'S IT TO YOU, ANYWAY!?
Payne: Mr. Butz, what you describe is generally what we mean by "dumped."

Phoenix: (I know! I'll send him a signal...TELL THE TRUTH.)

Judge: Please, Mr. Wright... Is "Huh" the best response you can muster up?

Judge: Order! Order! And stop that booing!

Penny: PLEASE!!! Will you please trade me that rare Steel Samurai card?? I-I'll give you any of the rarest ones I have!
Phoenix: No... no, I can't. See, this card isn't really even mine.
Penny: !!! I... I see.
O-of course. Of course it wouldn't be yours.
Of course you wouldn't trade it with me.
Of course I won't ever get that card, ever.
Of course I don't even really deserve that card.
Mia: Phoenix, do something! She's blacking out!
Phoenix: O-o-okay! I'll trade!
Penny: Yaa-haa!

--------------------JUSTICE FOR ALL--------------------

Phoenix: OBJECTION! <points>
...
...
...
Judge: Wh-What is it?
Phoenix: ...

Gumshoe: I know everything that happens under me! If someone so much as scratches their--
Phoenix: I REALLY don't need to know that much!

Ini: <Upon being presented her own picture> This face looks familiar somehow...

Phoenix: (I need to stall for time, but I don't want to push him the wrong way...) About requesting a hit...
Shelly: Yes...?
Phoenix: How much is your fee?
Shelly: ...I see you are also quite a dark hearted man, Mr. Attorney.
Phoenix: Huh?
Shelly: If you would like to talk business, we can do so after the trial...
Phoenix: ACK! NONONO! I'm not thinking of hiring --...
Judge: M-M-Mr. Wright!!
Phoenix: Y-Yes?!
Judge: Y-Y-You... You want to kill me... You want me dead... DON'T YOU!?!?
Phoenix: N-No, your Honor! Why would I do such---
Judge: Guilty! MR.PHOENIX WRIGHT! You are hereby declared GUILTY!!

Pearls: You'd walk over hot coals for Mystic Maya, wouldn't you, Mr. Nick?
Phoenix: (That would be EVERY time we work a case together...)

Oldbag: I thought about being a bodyguard at first...
Maya: A bodyguard?
Oldbag: For your friend! That fiery, good-looking guy with the red jacket and the ruffles.
Maya: M-Mr. Edgeworth?
Oldbag: But...
Edgeworth (flashback): That sort of arrangement would be entirely too troublesome for me.
Oldbag: That's what he said to me.

Edgeworth: I admit this knife is hotel property. There is no one currently on the police force that is dumb enough not to realize this.
Gumshoe: <Soon after being fired>...But I didn't kn... Oh... *whimper*

Oldbag: Honestly, youth these days can't be bothered to listen to other people when they talk! Just the other day it was the same thing! There was a small footbridge with a sign next to it that said "Beware, Bridge Out!" And along comes a snot-nosed little punk kid right up to the bridge. I tried to tell the boy the bridge was out and it was dangerous, but would he listen!? No, of course not! He said he'd be careful and only walk on the "in" part of the bridge since the "out" part is what was dangerous! I am not kidding you here! The kid said that and really meant it! WELL! I really let him have it then, and knocked him clear off that bridge! Honestly, kids these days don't know right from wrong, I tell you!

Franziska: A fool's fool fools fools who foolishly accept the foolishness of a fool's fool. <Note: This sentence IS actually grammatically correct>

Edgeworth: You really should come with a supply of cheese to match your vintage whine.

Phoenix: You're easily influenced by other people's words, aren't you? As soon as you heard that [he] might have been the killer, you got caught up in believing it must be true.
Powers: But... But... Isn't he really suspicious? He's got all those stitches, and... and...
Phoenix: So? A baseball has stitches! Are you saying all baseballs are suspicious because they have stitches!?

Phoenix: Ah, it's OK. You don't have to apologize so much.
Powers: S-Sorry.

Powers: Come on! The bellboy was wearing black leather gloves. That's pretty suspicious!
Phoenix: So? A football is made of leather! Are you saying all footballs are suspicious because they are made of leather?

<Edgeworth has Phoenix completely cornered>
Mia: Phoenix...
Phoenix: Yes, Chief!?
Mia: Have you figured out what you're going to do next yet?
Phoenix: What I'm going to do next? (Does running away like a frightened child work?)

Phoenix: Then I guess you could say it could not have been taken out of his room, yes?
Adrian: Excuse me? “It”...? What are you...?
Edgeworth: Wright. I thought years of school would have taught you how to construct a sentence. If you can’t make a sensible sentence with a subject, then I’ll make one for you. Watch. Did you, Ms. Andrews, remove Mr. Engarde’s knife from his room?
Adrian: ...No.
Judge: Hmm.
Edgeworth: Subject, verb, object Wright. Did you skip basic grammar? The witness may continue.

Phoenix: Do you know this person?
Gumshoe: You meet a lot of people as a detective, pal. So we make extra sure not to forget people because that's our job.
...
Now, having said that, I don't remember ever seeing this person before.
Pearl: Which means that you're kind of forgetful, aren't you Mr. Detective?
Gumshoe: That's not what it means...Not exactly anyway...

Phoenix: (Alright! With this, the rest of the trial should be in the b--) <Sees his opponent smiling> (...-blast radius of disaster...)

Phoenix: (Words cannot describe how screwed I am...)

Phoenix: (Umm, this is bluff number...? We've done this so many times in this case I've lost count...)

Phoenix: (Who would eat snow cones in the middle of winter?)
Maya: Nick...do you think we can buy some snow cones?
Phoenix: Look around...there's tons of snow piled up all around here!
Maya: YAY!!
Wait a second...there's no syrup though! I want syrup!
Phoenix: (Hopefully she doesn't notice that discolored snow in the corner. That's not syrup!)

Phoenix: There doesn't seem to be anything here that can help us... not a single clue.
Maya: You know I've been meaning to ask you...what do you mean when you say "clue"?
Phoenix: ...A bloody chainsaw for instance...
Maya: Well there's definitely not one of those here...

Max: They wouldn't arrest me!
Phoenix: Why?
Max: Because I'm the fabulous Maximillion Galactica?
Phoenix: Which means?
Max: I'm rich! I'm paid fabulous sums of money!
Phoenix: ...Which means?

Gumshoe: This year, I finally won an air conditioner!
Maya: What!? You didn't have an air conditioner? Did you ride your triceratops to work too?

Regina: Um...I'm not too good at figuring out hard things...
Maya: Really? You too? I understand exactly what you mean...

Gumshoe: Dead body. Stage left.

Max: You've got to be pulling my magic wand!

Phoenix: Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-What in the!?
Judge: Th-Th-Th-Th-That's what happened, Mr. Wright!

Max: Oh sweet geebus!

Phoenix: With the whip...and the pain...and the...

Gumshoe: I've gotten affidavits from most of the performers at this circus. They are certainly a strange bunch of characters.
Maya: You don't say?
Gumshoe: Well, not stranger than you two I suppose.
Maya: ... That was cold ...

Moe: CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'RE THE BIG WEINER! The one millionth visitor to the room of one Mr. Moe Curls, AKA ME!!
Phoenix: (Earplugs... Must... Find... Earplugs...)

Moe: It's Berry easy to get lost at the Berry Big Circus! You should always carry a map around with you!
Maya: Thanks! Um...this is an atlas...

Phoenix: Why should we be the ones to clean this place up?
Maya: One, because I hate dirty dishes. Two, because one bears repeating.

Moe: To celebrate this momentous occasion, would you care for an organic grape?

Phoenix: (Two women with whips...that's my cue to shut up and act like a good boy...)

Trilo: Are you kidding, I'm crazy about that girl! I even wrote her a song! "I want you to touch me! I want you to kiss me! I want you to..." ...the rest is private.

Maya: Celebrities must really enjoy saying everything that flashes into their minds.

Phoenix: (Franziska's whip looks ready to lash out at anything...One hit from that thing will probably shut someone up for a long time...)
<Response choices>
Continue questioning
Pain equals Bad

Judge: Shiny...things?

Phoenix: Adrian Andrews! I choose you! You are Mr. Corrida's killer!

Phoenix: <Complete confidence> Please take a good look at this.
Judge: ...Okay...
Franziska: I've already seen it.
Phoenix: Thank you.
Judge: And? What is the purpose of this item?
Phoenix: Don't you see, your honor?
Franziska: I don't think you actually see what you are doing.
Phoenix: ...*Sigh*...
Judge: It's the court that should be sighing at you! <Penalty>

Franziska: OBJECTION! Mr. Wright! I think you should leave the thinking to the witness!
Phoenix: (But I'm a good thunker! At least my teachers always said I was...)

Moe: ...they didn't commit. These clowns promptly escaped from a maximum-security clown car...
Judge: Mr. Curls, are you reciting the C-Team theme to anger this court?

Moe: Pull up a chair, or pull my finger! Whatever you'd like!
Maya: We're going to get the same sound effect either way, aren't we?

Maya: You're the man now, doll!

Phoenix: But...But you withheld evidence from this court! On purpose! That's.. that's...That's not fair!

Phoenix: The [evidence] is behind your honor's chair!
Judge WHAAAAAAAT?! PHOENIX! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? PENALTY!
Nick: Arggggggg!
Judge: WANT SOME MORE?! HERE YOU GO! PENALTY!
Phoenix: Double Arggggg!

Maya: You came all by yourself?
Pearl: Yup! I snuck out of the manor and followed a map.
Phoenix: Don't tell me you walked all the way here...
Pearl: Of course not! ...I ran!
Phoenix: That's... I can't... Oh my... (If it takes two hours by train... Oh man...)

Phoenix: ...What is it!? Is it my hair? Is it too spiky? Not spiky enough!?

Phoenix: <Examining a door that he had previously forced open> A door that leads to the Channeling Chamber, the place where spirits and people meet. The iron in this door was tempered, making it very solid. But it wasn't strong enough to stand up to the Phoenix!

Phoenix: Your Honor, what do you think of the evidence?
Judge: ...Ms. von Karma. What do you think of the evidence?
Franziska: Witness, what do you think of the evidence?
Acro: Mr. Wright, what do you think of the evidence?
Phoenix: Uh...hmm...

Phoenix: So how could you tell that he was a police officer?
Wellington: You obviously have no idea how powerful my deductive reasoning skills are. With one glance, I could tell just what kind of occupation he held. That shoddy, do-it-yourself hairstyle practically screamed ‘I am a police officer.’ It was also the way he tied his tie and those cheap, low-quality shoes. Ugh. Oh, and I suppose it was also because he was wearing an officer’s uniform.

Ini: Huh? Like, what do you mean?
Phoenix: Please stay calm, but... a murder has taken place!
Ini: ... Um, so, like... A murder is that thing where, like, one person kills another, right?
Phoenix: Yes! A person has killed another person!
Ini: Oh, that's... Uh... What are the words I'm looking for...? It's like...
...like totally a bummer.

Ini: Oh, hey! Like, you're that guy from yesterday... The, uh, dentist guy...
Phoenix: No, no, I'm a lawyer.
Ini: That's right! Um... Mr. Smith, Esquire.
Phoenix: ...That's "Wright". Wait, I mean, you're wrong. My name is "Wright".
Ini: "Smith", "Wright"... Well, I got, like, three letters, at least.
Phoenix: (I don't think she gets the point...) Anyway, why are you here?
Ini: So, like, I study this thing called "parapsychology" at this college and...
Phoenix: Um, you told me about that yesterday. The sesame allergy, too. What I'd really like to know is why you're still here today?
Ini: Oh! So, like, that's what you meant! Like, you shoulda been more, like, clear about it!
Phoenix: S-Sorry. My bad.
Ini: No, it's OK. Like, it's really...
Phoenix: ...
Ini: ...?
Phoenix: ...That's it? Why'd you stop mid-sentence!?
Ini: Did I? ...So, like... what was I talking about again...?
Phoenix: ... (If Lotta ever wanted another "genuine mysterious phenomenon", it's right here.)

???: Oh, yes, that's right. Now that I am playing the role of the kidnapper, I can't pass up this chance to say, "And don't even think about callin' the cops!" ...Hmm, not great, but you get the idea.

Phoenix: (First a girl that runs away, and now an old lady who says I stink at doing my job...When did I become the poster boy for “How Not to Make a First Impression”...?)

Gumshoe: Everyone knows you can't find out everything you want with scientific investigation!
Judge: I've never heard that before.
Payne: Me, either.
Phoenix: Nor I.
Maggey: I never heard anything like that at the police academy, sir...
Gumshoe: Okay, so I made it up. Anyway...

Phoenix: Mr. Wellington. I believe I have the "bananas" you saw...right here.
Wellington: Ah, so you knew about the bananas, too. Why didn't you say so earlier?
Payne: Isn't that the victim's baseball glove?
Wellington: Huh!? Wh-Wh-What!? A baseball glove??
Phoenix: Doesn't it look delicious? Care for a bite?
Wellington: Th-That's...That's not...It's a...Nooooooo!
Phoenix: Your honor! I think this proves one very important fact! Mr. Wellington...LOVES LARGE BANANAS!
Wellington: ...
Payne: ...
Judge: ...
Maya: ...
Spectators: .........

Phoenix: Don't push it, von Karma!
Franziska: Wha... WHAT!?
Phoenix: You aren't gonna suck me in this time. I'm smart enough to know when I don't have the cards to play, and my hand sucks right now.
Judge: ... Uhh... What do you mean, Mr. Wright?
Franziska: He means that everything he's said up until now has all been nonsense.
Phoenix: Uh.

Pearl: And then, that snobby woman with the ruffly clothes...
Phoenix: (Ruffly... Oh, she means Franziska...)
Pearl: She had such a bad attitude! She acted like she had already decided that Mystic Maya did it... I'm going to tell her what I think of her tomorrow!
Phoenix: (I wouldn't miss tomorrow's trial for the world...)

Phoenix: Hello, Mr. Engarde? I'm Phoenix Wright, I'm here to --
Matt: Dude, thanks for coming, but I'm not interested in buying.
Phoenix: Buying...?
Matt: Life insurance. I'm already covered, dude.
Nick: No no no, I'm not here to sell life insurance...
Matt: Oh, that's cool. But... dude, I don't need that either.
Phoenix: You don't need...?
Matt: Fire hydrants. This really isn't my house, so a fire hydrant isn't --
Nick: I'm not selling fire hydrants!
Matt: Dude, why are you here?

Phoenix: This is a very important matter! Please! You must tell me! What is this secret!?
Matt: Hmm... Well... Hold on a sec. I'm gonna consult my lawyer, OK? <Makes a phone call>
...........
...*beep*...
Phoenix: Hello? This is Phoenix Wright.
Matt: Oh, hey Mr. Lawyer dude.

Matt: Thats terrible, dude! Don't let yourself be commanded by a disembodied voice!
Phoenix: (This coming from a guy with a phone on his wrist?)

Phoenix: It looks like every year the Ringmaster made donations to charity... To the Robot Clown research center...
Maya: ... You're kidding right?
Phoenix: What!? They may be a perfectly reputable charity in the field of advanced tomfoolery!

Phoenix: There is something very important about this card. And that is...The name on the card! It tells people who I am! It even told me that I'm Phoenix Wright!
Payne: ...
Wellington: ...
Maya: ...
Judge: ...Did you not know that?
Phoenix: Nope!

Maya: Just remember to leave the courtroom drama for the video games!

Phoenix: Something's covered up by this tarp...an old sign perhaps.
Maya: Nick! Look out! They've got the killer trapped behind that tarp!
Phoenix: ...
Maya: What? It wasn't funny? You know it wouldn't have hurt you to look even a little bit surprised.
Phoenix: (Whew! She didn't notice that I was too scared to talk!)

Maya: That monkey doesn't fake the funk on a nasty dunk.

Regina: Hey, Mr. Phoenix Wright...if you see that dress, you'll get it back for me, right? It's really important to me...
<Response choices>
Gladly!
But of course!
I'll get it for you!

Acro: I suppose that you could say I'm stronger than the average bear...

Franziska: Enough stalling! Show us some evidence!
Phoenix: (But... But I did such a good job hinting...)

<Phoenix presents the wrong evidence>
Franziska: Looks like you just won the award for Biggest Failure In Court.
Maya: Ouch...Biggest Failure In Court...that stings!
Judge: In recognition of your honor, let me bestow you with my special prize! <Gives penalty>

Judge: Bailiff, I don't care who it is, smack anyone who's loud in the face! Twice if you must!

Edgeworth: Witness. I'll give you a piece of gum later if you'll be good and stick to just the facts.
Oldbag: OKAAAAAAY! .... You promise right!?
Edgeworth: Wright. I'll be sending the bill for the chewing gum to your office at a later date.
Phoenix: (Remind me to send you a thank you note later too, Edgeworth, old chum...)

Phoenix: This patient is undergoing rehabilitation.
Hotti: Wasn't that patient standing in the same spot the last time you came to visit? Doesn't look like they've moved any closer to the reception desk, huh? Is this clinic really doing anything!? Is that patient really getting better!? Hmm...

Gumshoe: (upon seeing a picture of himself) Man, I look good! I think I've lost some weight!
Phoenix: It's just wishful thinking.
Gumshoe: ... In that case, I wishfully think I've lost some weight!
Phoenix: (I wishfully think he might face the facts one day...)

Pearls: There are a lot of electronic things in here that I've never seen before. Hey, Mr. Nick! Tell me what they are, pretty please?
Phoenix: OK. That over there is a "watch". You wear it on your wrist...
Pearls: ...I know what a watch is...
Phoenix: (Oops. For a second there, I forgot I was talking with Pearls, not Maya...)

Matt: Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lunch appointment to keep.
Phoenix: (You're in DETENTION! Who in the world are you going to eat with!? The security guard!?)

Phoenix: Mr. Engarde. Don't you know this stuffed bear from somewhere...?
Matt: I don't think I've ever met Mr. Bear before, dude.
Phoenix: Aww, but he says he knows you. How could you forget such a great friend?
Matt: ...What else did the bear tell you?

Matt: <dialing his phone> Hold on a sec. I'm gonna consult myself, OK?

Gumshoe: Take a look at this photo of the crime scene. Now, a real pro's attention would be drawn to his bandana.
Judge: His...banana?
Gumshoe: Um...bandana, your honor. It's the thing wrapped around his neck.
Judge: Ah, yes, yes. I see. His banana-scented bandana.

Oldbag: Don't interrupt us, gramps! I'm talking to my Edgey-wedgey!
Judge: Ah, yes. Of course.
Edgeworth: No!!! By all means, your honor! Interrupt us!!!!

Edgeworth: (Guessing in his head)...Is that what you're driving at?
Phoenix: That's exactly what I'm driving at.
Judge: What are we driving at? And whose car are we driving?

Edgeworth: Which of these four doesn't belong here? Up, down, left, Wright.
Phoenix: Um, "Wright"?

Edgeworth: And why would something like that be inside a guitar case, let alone this one?
Judge: Why, Mr. Wright, why?
Phoenix: Well... I just thought it might have been possible...?
Edgeworth: I have a suggestion. Why don't you put that in the void where your brain is supposed to be!?

Edgeworth: I see where you're going...
Phoenix: Yup, that's where I'm going.
Judge: Where is everyone going? Do I need to pack a suitcase?

Phoenix: (Time to fire up the afterburners and hit the highway to the danger zone!)

Oldbag: This is my top secret list of groceries to buy!

Phoenix: You're lying, dammit, and I can prove it!

Edgeworth: There is no way for the defense to debunk this photo, even with a bunker buster.

Mia: Think from a different angle. What was in the guitar case...was not the bright red guitar.
Phoenix: (You don't mean...it was the bright WHITE guitar!? Wait...that's not right either...)

Phoenix: Let us suppose...that the bright red guitar was not the only thing in the case.
Judge: "Not the only thing in the case"...!?" You don't mean to say there was a bright BLACK guit-
Edgeworth: OBJECTION!!!!

Phoenix: Well, you know my strategy...speak first, think later!

Edgeworth: This isn't the "Phoenix Wright Wax Philosophical Power Hour".

Phoenix: There is no way anyone would put a bloodied button in their own pants!

Oldbag: You shall not pass!

Phoenix: Zoinks! It's the alien!!

Powers: Every time you do your lawyer thing, the witness turns into the bad guy!

Phoenix: There is nothing strange about that!
Powers: But there really, really is!
Phoenix: There really, really isn't!
Edgworth: OBJECTION!...If you two are done being schoolchildren...

Judge: Mr. Wright? Are you ready?
Phoenix: Uh...What if I said "No"? Would that be all right?
Judge: Of course it wouldn't!
Phoenix: (Then why bother even asking!?)

Judge: How about it, Mr. Wright? Is this baseball glove related to the case?
Phoenix: Of course it's related, your honor! This glove may be the key to the entire case!
Maggey: Yes! Bluffing to the max! Now this is the Phoenix Wright I know!

Phoenix: OBJECTION! ...
Powers: ...
Judge: ...
Edgeworth: ... Where the hell did that pregnant pause come from!?
Judge: Where did that objection come from!? Well, speak up!

Judge: Mr. Wright, it looks like you've dug your own grave.
Phoenix: (That's how many times today? I've lost count...)

Shelly: <On a two-way radio> To the gentleman who spoke just now...excuse me, but would you care to die?

Judge: This is a most unexpected turn of events... For the... um, fifth time now...?

Judge: Electronic mail? Do you have to mail that in a special insulated envelope?

Franziska: Well, I was just shot, so...

Phoenix: The "miracle" never happen.

Maya: He's gotta be lying about the bananas!

Phoenix: Nice...tag-teamed in stereo...guess I should be grateful it's not in 5.1.

Judge: As always, it looks like we have uncovered the real truth.
Phoenix: (We? I don't remember you helping out much in this...)

Phoenix: (I wonder where that doorway down there leads to...?)
Hotti: Oh, that's the X-ray room. Hmmm, yes...
Phoenix: H-H-How did you know what I was thinking!?
Hotti: Hmm, yes... Well, it's... Because that's the X-ray room... Uh huh, yes...

--------------------TRIALS & TRIBULATIONS--------------------

Phoenix: So the particular feature you recognize about the waitress is... her outfit? But anyone could wear that uniform! Even me!
Judge: Mr. Wright! Please spare the court of any further mental anguish from that image.

Judge: When I enter the courthouse, I always use the front doors.
Mia: (How else would you enter? Teleportation?)

Mia: (Well, we know whose milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...)

Payne: My HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIRR! IT-IT-IT'S FLYYYYIIING OOOFF!

Payne: Ms. Fey! I will not allow you to badger this witness!
Mia: ...
Payne: I-I believe the defense is engaged in a-a...fishing expedition.
Mia: ...
Payne: (sweating) That is...Err...She has no supporting...
Mia: ...
Payne: (still sweating) P-please don't glare at me like that...! I-I'm just doing my job!

Gumshoe: Sorry pal, all I can think about is Maggey at the moment.
...
...
.........
No-no! I didn't mean it like that! I meant...
Phoenix: (You don't have to explain ... Really.)

<Phoenix presents a photo of Pearl, Maya's 9-year-old cousin>
Larry: Oh! What a cutie! Hey, Nick! So what's the deal between you and this girl?
Maya: Hey! That's my cousin! Her name is Pearl Fey.
Larry: Pearl, huh... too bad. Never date two girls with the same name... That's one rule I can't break.
Phoenix: (...I'd think the fact that she's only 9 years old would break some rule somewhere!)

Edgeworth: If you want to know how to run the perfect trial, there's a lot to study and learn.
Phoenix: Oh, is that what you're studying about right now?
Edgeworth: I've sat at the prosecutor's bench for trials in five different countries now. The first thing you must do is gain complete mastery of the language. It's quite a task.
Phoenix: (I'd never get anywhere then! It's taken me a lifetime to sort of master one language!)

Maya: Hey! There's a giant robot buried in the snow!
Phoenix: ...Well, there's something buried in the snow, but...I think it's an incinerator.
Maya: Oh...Hee hee. But you've gotta admit it looks a lot like a robot.
Phoenix: Um, sure...Anyway, I don't think it gets used much. It's looking pretty rusty.
Maya: Hey, Nick! Do you think this Giant Robo-cinerator can walk?
Phoenix: I told you! It's not a robot! ...And it's not especially big either.
Maya: Bah, you have no imagination. I thought it'd be real neat if you had to beat it to advance.
Phoenix: (A fight between a lawyer and an overgrown furnace? Who'd ever pay to see that!?)

Phoenix: (This lady must have just gotten off the trolley from the land of make-believe...)

Phoenix: Hmm...I see it now...Zvarri! A fortune-teller...?

Maya: Oh look, it's one of those snow motorcycle things!
Phoenix: Most people call that a "snowmobile", you know.
Maya: "Snow motorcycle things", "Snowblowmeal". Same thing. Hmm...too bad we didn't invite Desiree. I bet she could race like the wind on this "Slowmobile"! Or maybe she'd give me a ride on this "Blowsnowbile".
Phoenix: ARGH!

Maya: Come on, Nick! Why don't we hop across the bridge. It'll be fun!
Phoenix: I'm not so sure...it looks like a bunny hopping across the bridge would destroy it.
Maya: OK, Nick. Then let's try to find a cute little white bunny and test your theory.
Phoenix: (That right there sums up the fundamental difference between sane and insane.)

Phoenix: So, did you like the Twin-T set?
Gumshoe: I've never paid that much money for lunch before. I was so nervous, my hands were shaking.
Maya: So? How did it taste!?
Gumshoe: Well...for 20 bucks, I guess...I dunno how to describe it, really. It was...delicate.
Maya: Delicate?
Phoenix: You mean you liked it!? It didn't taste bad to you?
Gumshoe: .........
Maya: What's the matter with him?
Phoenix: Looks like he's thinking...
Gumshoe: ...That's it! I've been trying to think of the right word to describe the taste. I just got it right now... "Bad"! That's it. It tasted bad!...It's kinda hard to admit it to yourself when you pay 20 bucks though, pal.

Gumshoe: <Desperately trying to change the subject> Ha...haha! Mmm! This lunch special lobster is great!
Maya: ...Then why are there tears in your eyes?

Godot: The only thing “peculiar” in this courtroom... is on top of your head.
Maya: Nick! Are you going to let him get away with making fun of your hair!?
Phoenix: (Yes... At least until I know he can’t use his goggles to fry me or something...)

Edgeworth: Is there a "kick me" sign on front of the defense bench?!

Edgeworth: It's a PSYCHOLOCK!

Phoenix: Should I be grateful this coffee's only hot enough to give me 1st degree burns..?

Larry: C'mon Edgey, you were a guy once!

Edgeworth: I was just with Detective Gumshoe. I treated him to some pasta.
Phoenix: You owe him that much! After all, it's your fault his salary is so low!
Edgeworth: H-How's it my fault?
Phoenix: And look, if you're going to buy the guy lunch, at least get him something decent, OK? Gumshoe practically lives on pasta and noodles already.
Edgeworth: Well I did order some extra parmesan cheese on top. He was crying tears of joy as he dug into it. It was quite moving.
Phoenix: (...All you have to do is give the poor guy a raise...)

Edgeworth: If you’re in jail, you don’t have to pay for your own meals, you know.
Gumshoe: ...*gasp!* ...
Edgeworth: Don’t get any funny ideas, Detective...!
Gumshoe: ...Too late, I already did.

Edgeworth: ...It doesn't matter. That woman is dead.
Phoenix: Sh-She's dead??
Edgeworth: Well, her metabolic processes are a matter of interest only to historians, so to speak.

Judge: ...Well, Mr. Wright? It seems to make sense to me.
Phoenix: I'm sorry to say this...but that interpretation would create an enormous contradiction!
Judge: That makes sense. After all, my interpretations are almost certainly never correct.

Edgeworth: What's this at the top of the letter!? "Salutation here"!?
Larry: W-Well that's what it said in that book, "Letter Writing for Dummies"!

Maya: My attacker was in front of me, blocking off my escape. ...I think.
Phoenix: Y-You... think...?
Maya: After getting hit like that...I-I was in a state of panic. There were only two things rolling around in my mind at that time.
Judge: Well now! This is beginning to get interesting!
Phoenix: So what were the two things rolling around in your mind?
Maya: Umm..."My name is Maya Fey. One plus one equals two"...
Phoenix: ...

Maya: Umm, would you mind taking a look at this?
Lisa Basil: I'm sorry. That data is SuPer-Admin Restricted Desktop Access password-protected.
Maya: SuPer-Admin Restricted Desktop Access password-protected? What?! This is madness!
Phoenix: No, Maya, that is SPARDA.

Phoenix: (he's gotta be using some sort of infinite ammo code with that box of seeds...)

Godot: Truthiness has no place here! Use your brain, not your gut, to find the real truth!

Godot: I have here in my hand a ticket.
Phoenix: ...A ticket?
Godot: Yes. A one-way ticket to guilty-ville! Population: the defendant!

Larry: She was flying! She was really flying!
Edgeworth: Are---?!
Franziska: You---!?
Judge: High! The victim was really high in the air!

Franziska: So when you run out of paint, you Americans use gravy as a substitute, I see.

Phoenix: Exactly how strong is this poison, Detective Gumshoe?
Gumshoe: It's... Well...That stuff's lethal! Eat too much, and you're a dead man!
Maya: How much is too much?
Godot: A lethal dose is 0.2 grams. That's about enough to finish anyone off.
Maya: 0.2 grams? How much is that?

Maya: Hey, look Nick! It's a super-computer! It looks like it's really smart and wise, doesn't it?
Phoenix: Computers are only as smart as the humans who use them, Maya.
Maya: That explains why we don't use the computer in our office!
Phoenix: You work there too, Maya.
Maya: ......Yeah, but I'm...

<Upon reaching a rickety bridge over an enormous canyon>
Maya: ...What's wrong, Nick? You look like you've seen a ghost!
Phoenix: I-I'm just not very good with heights...
Maya: Oh...Hey! I've got it! Maybe you should face your fear and try hurling yourself off the edge?

Maya: Woah, that bridge was shaking like jello in an earthquake.
Phoenix: ...
Maya: And at least half of the wood on that rickety bridge was rotting, I'd bet.
Phoenix: ...
Maya: Not to mention the last part only had like one board left on it!
Phoenix: ...
Maya: What's wrong with you? Your face is all green.
Phoenix: C-Can you not pick on me for a second?

Judge: I'm a spoon?! I'm no spoony bard, I'll have you know!

Judge: No, no no! Witnesses aren't permitted to eat evidence! Not that they ever would!......Well, there was a case once, where a young lad ate--

Gumshoe: Oh, hey, it's you again, little girly! Actually, the name's Detective Dick Gumshoe! Now's a good time to start remembering it!
Maya: Or, if it's too long for you, you can just call him "Dick!"
Pearl: OK! It's nice to meet you, Mr. Detective Dick!

Godot: Are you trying to say that if something isn't normal, it isn't possible? Is that it? Where does that leave the porcu-headed lawyer and the topknot chick over there... and the ungodly cool guy with the mask over here? Well, Trite?
Phoenix: Aaaaaack!
Maya: I do not have a topknot!

Pearl: And another thing... The sword wasn't bent last night like it is now
Phoenix: Y-you're right
Maya: Awsome Pearly! I wouldn't expect any less from my little ace apprentice.
Phoenix: (the sword is bent so that must mean... last night someone used it somehow)
Maya: Aha! I just thought of something! Maybe detective Atmey smashed Mask DeMasque with it. Like this...
<WHACK>
Phoenix: YEOOOOOUCCCH!! WHAT THE HECK!
Maya: What do you think pearly?
Pearl: I think it's even more bent than it was before...
Phoenix: (oh man ...my head...my HAIR!)

Phoenix: Your honor, what interests me is the broach on the man's coat.
Judge: A breach? Here!? Bailiff! Get my steed! We need to retreat at once!

Phoenix: (Congratulations. You have earned the title of Battiest Man To Grace A Courtroom.)

Phoenix: (I don't know if I really want this guy to like us...ever.)

Phoenix: Don't go licking the table cloth, OK, Maya?
Maya: Why would I lick it? I'm not a cat, Nick!
Phoenix: (Then why can I picture you doing just that?)

Phoenix: Dagnabit, I'm a lawyer, not a botanist!

Phoenix: It looks like a part of a big signboard. All I can read on it is the "bur".
Maya: Aha, I've got it! Maybe it's supposed to say "Hamburger"!
Phoenix: Why would anyone write "Hamburger" that big?
Maya: Like, maybe for the "World Hamburger Festival" or something?
Phoenix: I kinda doubt it.
Maya: Aha, I've got it! Maybe it said, 'Spaghetti?'
Phoenix: ...Why are you talking about food? Oh, wait. That's normal for you. Anyway, it says, "bur". There's no way it could be "Spaghetti".
Maya: Well, maybe it was a typo! It might have said, "Spaghetti Festival". What do you think?
Phoenix: Spaghetti is the only thing more tangled than your reasoning.

Phoenix: (I don't know whether to laugh or feel bad for Maya....Maybe I should do both...?)

Maya: I once had a bad feeling that I was about to have a bad feeling. It was bad.

Judge: You will suck down the penalty Mr Wright... and you will like it!

Godot: As they say.. "A cornered fox is more dangerous than a jackal". <obvious reference to Metal Gear Solid>

Mia: Photos...of the witness herself? Then who took the photos?
Melissa: Well...you see...my camera has a timer feature built into it.
Mia: So, you took photos of yourself!?
Judge: Hmm...I remember taking some photos of myself once, too!
Mia: (PLEASE! No details...!)

Judge: Witness! Your name and occupation!
Gumshoe: ...Huh? Oh, sorry! The name's Police Department Detective. Occupation, Dick Gumshoe.
Godot: Other way around, Detective.

Judge: Sometimes I can’t recall a sentence I passed only minutes prior!
Mia: (Please... Someone, anyone... Stop him before he gets hurt... by me.)

Gumshoe: That staff belonged to the victim, Ms. Elise Deauxnim. There's nothing strange or magical about it. ...Oh yeah! Listen, this is just between us, OK sir?
Edgeworth: Yes... What?
Gumshoe: This is top-secret stuff! Don't tell anyone about this.
Edgeworth: ...Alright.
Gumshoe: The truth is... When I was a kid... I wanted to be a wizard!

<sequel quote>
Gumshoe: That staff belonged to the victim.
Phoenix: Yeah, and apart from the crystal missing from the top, there's nothing wrong with it.
Gumshoe: Oh, I just remembered something important! This is just between us, OK?
Francizka: Is it going to have anything to do with the case, Detective?
Gumshoe: Well, no. But it's really...
Francizka: Then I'm not interested.
Gumshoe: Yes, sir.

Phoenix: Hey! I thought we said we weren't opening the dresser!
Francizka: I'm from the prosecutor's office. I can do anything.
Phoenix: (Yeah, you can do anything...Except stand up to a 9 year old girl.)

Phoenix: <on Gumshoe> (At least he doesn't just put stuff in his mouth first and ask questions later anymore.)

Phoenix: What about this, Detective Gumshoe? Any thoughts?
Gumshoe: Yeah...Well...It's pretty chilly today, huh? My brain doesn't work properly in the cold.
Francizka: Perhaps we'll just have to wait until Summer when it's warmer?
Gumshoe: Oh, no. My brain doesn't work properly in the heat.

Edgeworth: <After breaking a psyche-lock> (Was it the evidence or the power of my glare that broke her?)

Larry: I didn't see it!...I didn't see a s-s-snowmobile!
Edgeworth: ...Larry. Say "snowmobile" for me, please?
Larry: S-S-S-Snowmobile.
Edgeworth: If you truly have nothing to hide...then why are you stammering like you just flew over a cuckoo's nest!?

Edgeworth: That statement contradicts the data provided by this piece of evidence.
Judge: It does? How do you mean?
Edgeworth: Forgive me, Your Honor...but you yourself just said that it does!
Judge: ...Don't try to play mind games with me!

Edgeworth: (It's kind of sad that I was able to understand his mangled train wreck of a sentence...)

Judge: Well then, let's proceed with the cross-examination. With no touching, thank you.

Judge: H-Hold on here! I'm not sure about being not sure if I care for this at all!

Larry: ...Ok. I hope you're ready, Edgey! Because I'm going to bring you a whopping serving of pain!!
Edgeworth: (...You've been bringing us a whopping serving of pain this whole time. Trust me.)

Larry: This is the loser's shack! Where losers get together to lose themselves!

Phoenix: It's just a pair of skis. Nothing useful for our case here.
Gumshoe: I'm actually pretty good on skis you know, pal. I just love to fly down the slopes with my coat fluttering in the wind!
Phoenix: Really? I had no idea. How good are you, then?
Gumshoe: Well...I'm better on skis than I am on skates. But not as good as when I'm on a snowboard.
Phoenix: (That's a pretty detailed answer.)
Gumshoe: Oh! But you know what I'm best at? Making mashed potatoes and gravy.
Phoenix: (...The guy's losing it. Must be the altitude.)

Judge: Mr. Wright...are you trying to say there is a merit of truth to this sketch of the victim flying over the bridge?
Phoenix: Of course the victim was flying through the air! You can see it right there in the sketch! ...Whooooosh!
Judge: ...
Godot: Just so you know...we haven't discovered a giant human catapult on the other side of the bridge yet.
Phoenix: (Uggh... I wish they had.)

Judge: Mr. Wright...are you trying to say there is a merit of truth to this sketch of the victim flying over the bridge?
Phoenix: This sketch proves exactly one thing! ...Absolutely nothing!
Judge: ...I've been a judge for a long time now...But I've never seen a defense lawyer so brazenly admit the flimsiness of their evidence! I must say, it was quite refreshing in a strange way.
Phoenix: (...I have the feeling my own life span just got shorter.)
Godot: Allow me to speed you along the aging process, Trite! <penalty>

Godot: Humans are fickle, fragile human beings. Our hearts constantly change with the tide. There is only one constant in this wavering world. The darkenss that lies at the bottom of this mug.
Judge: So then you mean...? Um... Forget it. What do you mean?

Phoenix: That's pretty contradictory! The autopsy report shows the victim was stabbed in the BACK!
Judge: Mr. Godot!? What is the meaning of this?
Godot: Hah! It's simple. Humans are like books. We all have a front and a back.
Judge: Um...Is that all you have to say?
Godot: I can also say that darkness loves to play with the human mind.
Phoenix: OBJECTION! Could you PLEASE knock it off with the cheesy proverbs and illogical metaphors already!?

Godot: Cute girls never lie. Ever.

Gumshoe: We're using the department's secret weapon on this!
Phoenix: Secret weapon...? What's this secret weapon of yours?
Gumshoe: You wanna know? You've gotta think scientifically, OK?
Phoenix: Alright.
Gumshoe: The murder weapon was a sword. Swords are, scientifically speaking, made of metal, right? Any questions so far?
Phoenix: No. (I know what he's gonna say, but I'll let him look smart.)
Gumshoe: So what's the perfect tool for the job!? Ta-da! A metal detector!
Phoenix: (Raise your hand if you didn't see this coming from a mile away...)

Francizka: <To Phoenix and Gumshoe> You are nothing but a marshmallow on the inside. Both of you.

Gumshoe: They call this thing a "sword-cane". This little gem's a real nice piece of work. Thank goodness it wasn't a cane-sword, or else the victim would've stabbed her own foot!
Phoenix: (I officially give up on trying to figure out how Gumshoe's mind works.)

Edgeworth: (It must be lovely to live in the fantasyland of Larry's mind......Actually, it's so depressing that I can't even work up the energy to point...)

Phoenix: (Oh man. This whole thing just took a turn for the worse, crashed, and blew up.)

Gumshoe: No one knows about that. Even the police didn't know about that until I discovered it just now!
Phoenix: (I!!? Well, as they say, there's no "Team" in "Gumshoe")

Edgeworth: (This is getting us nowhere...our destination for the day, it seems...)

Edgeworth: What is this festive-looking ornament?
Larry: It reminds me of art class in grade school. We used to have a lot of fun decorating the classroom with origami. Remember?
Edgeworth: W-Well, I...
Larry: Oh, yeah...You were never any good at it.
Gumshoe: Really?
Larry: Yeah, this guy was so bad, he couldn't even fold a dollar, let alone a crane. Everyone tried to comfort him, but he would just sit there sobbing.
Gumshoe: Really? I never would have imag-
Edgeworth: Be quiet already! I'll never forget the shame of that day! You want a crane! I can now make a perfect quarter-inch crane without a single flaw!
Larry: ...You know, Edgey...Nothing for nothing, but a quarter-inch crane without a single flaw is not easy.
Gumshoe: Yeah, that's quite a feat, Prosecutor Edgeworth!
Edgeworth: (Grr...This is exactly why I hate childhood friends...)

Gumshoe: <Noticing Larry's artwork on the wall> That's a horrible graffiti problem you've got there, pal.
Larry: You don't know anything, Detective. This is art! It's an expression of my bittersweet love for Iris.
Edgeworth: Larry. Do you know what the difference between graffiti and true art is?
Larry: ...It's how the artist himself defines it, right?
Edgeworth: ...(I should have seen that one coming.)
Gumshoe: Well, if that's the case, then all of my lunchboxes are masterpieces too, pal!

Gumshoe: This is the Eagle River, sir. It runs pretty fast, so it doesn't ice over, even in the winter.
Edgeworth: If it had iced over, Wright would have been in some serious trouble when he fell from the bridge.
Gumshoe: You're right about that! He would've landed on the ice, and slid downstream to who knows where.

Phoenix: ...besides that, you were seen at the Main Hall by the most reliable witness I have.
Iris: ...Wh-Who's that?
Phoenix: Me.

Edgeworth: So this is the bridge Wright tried to cross?
Gumshoe: Pretty reckless, if you ask me.
Edgeworth: I'm amazed he survived the fall from up here...
Gumshoe: Yeah, he's one lucky guy, sir. Now I see how he manages to win his cases in court. Blind luck.
Edgeworth: (I think dumb luck suits Wright just a bit better.)

Judge: Mr. Wright...you don't mean to say...you knew about this 'safe' business?
Phoenix: Uh...well...yes.
Judge: Why am I the only one not in the loop here!?

Judge: A "computer virus"? What does one of those do?
Phoenix: A computer virus is a program that wreaks havoc on the insides of a computer.
Judge: A "computer"? What does one of those do?
Phoenix: ...I'll explain it to you later.

Godot: A coffee's most reliable accomplice is its deep and profound aroma.
Phoenix: <Thinks> Um...the rest of the court doesn't speak Coffeenese. Can you elaborate a bit more?

Phoenix: (Did the judge take smart pills during the last recess?)

Judge: Ruh-Roh!

Mia: Here's the definitive piece of evidence that proves it!
Judge: ...that? That's your definitive piece of evidence?
Mia: Yes!...If my thinking is correct.
Edgeworth: Well then. We have one mystery solved. The answer is simple. Ms. Fey's thinking is wrong. ...That's all there is to it.
Mia: Huh?
Judge: Ms. Fey, I've got a definitive penalty to reward you for your definitive piece of evidence.

Phoenix: Well, excuuuuse me, Princess. <Referencing the old Legend of Zelda cartoon show>

Judge: Umm, witness, forgive me for asking, but are you a woman?

Grossberg: O-Ow! Mia! Why did you just punch me in the jaw?
Mia: Oh! I-I'm so sorry...! I just felt like hurting someone all of a sudden!

Godot: ...You did it. Didn't you?
Ron: Yes.
Phoenix: What?
Judge: Huh?
Ron: Uh... No no no no no no no! Th-Th-Th-That's not true!
Judge: ...Hmm. For a moment there I thought we'd set the record for the shortest trial ever.

-----------APOLLO JUSTICE-----------

<Very Recurring line>
Apollo: I'm fine!

Phoenix: So you're...
Apollo: Fine! I-I'm fine!
Phoenix: Ah...Mr. Fine, is it?
Apollo: Uh.
Phoenix: I did remember you having an odd name.
Apollo: (Well, we're off to a great start...)

Apollo: Isn't violence against hair a crime, your honor?

Gavin: It's considered bad form to poke fun at the hard-of-hearing in our society.
Apollo: (Hard of hearing, or hard of understanding?)

Apollo: (Oh really, Ms. Orly?)

Apollo: Recall the witness's testimony. She said that "the victim played with hand on locket round neck."
Payne: I hope you aren't about to raise an objection to the witness's grammar!

Orly: I...I did not want to say this, but....in last hand, there was cheat!
Payne: A...a cheat!? You don't mean...a trick!?
Judge: Wait, or do you mean...a scam!?
Apollo: (They're all the same thing!)

Payne: Lawyers these days...you don't know your poker?
Judge: I can't say this bodes well for your case... or career.
Apollo: (What is this, some kind of secret court poker ring!?)

Apollo: (Focus, Justice! Time to take advantage of her! ...I mean, of her mistake!)

Judge: The witness would be much cuter if she would dispense with the evil mastermind schtick.

Phoenix: It's only a game until someone gets killed, Mr. Gavin.

Apollo: Wait, you got me a client? (You mean I finally get to do my job?) All right, I'm willing to hear what you have to say.
Trucy: Hee hee! You got him, daddy! Hook, line, and sinker!
Phoenix: And now it's time to reel him in!
Apollo: (It's official: I'm scared.)

Apollo: (If looks could kill, this woman would be a mass-murderer by now...)

Trucy: ...Huh? That seems like a bit of a needless procedure.
Apollo: I'm a lawyer. I live for needless procedures.

Apollo: Look, it's a folding ladder.
Trucy: Polly! That's called a "stepladder"! C'mon!
Apollo: ...A stepladder? How is that different from a regular ladder then?
Trucy: It's a much more complex piece of machinery. It's like two ladders stuck together!
Apollo: So you admit that basically it's a ladder, right?
Trucy: Wait...huh?
Apollo: You have to look past the form... at the essence of the thing.
Trucy: Er... Can we talk about something else?

Apollo: Hmm. Mr. Wright isn't here. He must be in a examination.
Trucy: We should come back later.
Apollo: We could wait...
Trucy: No, this might take awhile. Daddy always loved his examinations!
Apollo: (Don't ask, Justice. You don't want to know.)

Apollo: Whoa! Don't point that thing at me!
Trucy: Don't worry! I can handle myself around guns. Magic guns, at least. The ones that pigeons come out of.
Apollo: ...Very reassuring.

Stickler: I have got to know the secret of your panties! My very existance depends on it!

Apollo: My evidence is...THIS! <Produces a pair of panties>
Judge: More panties!?
Klavier: How many panties ARE you carrying in your pocket, Herr Forehead?
Apollo: This is the last!! Honest!

Trucy: You were amazing in there! You brandished those bloomers on high, and shouted... "Objection!"
Apollo: ...Here's what I want you to do, Trucy. Take that memory, gently lock it away deep in your heart, and never speak of it again.

Trucy: Well, looks like it's gonna be a big trial. Did you get any sleep?
Apollo: Yeah, I went to bed at 1:00 AM.
Trucy: When did you get up?
Apollo: ...3:00 AM.

Apollo: Huh, another ladder.
Trucy: Actually, its technically a stepladder.
Apollo: Well, hello, miss fancy pants! Please forgive me for my lack of ladder discrimination!

Apollo: Look, a ladder. I guess they need one to work on the lights and such.
Trucy: Why don't they use a stepladder? I prefer stepladders, really. ...Is that so wrong?
Apollo: Not wrong, just... well, why do you prefer stepladders?
Trucy: ...... They're so much more flexible than plain old ladders!
Apollo: ...... (I prefer my ladders rigid and stable, thank you.)

*ba-donk*
Apollo: (She Snackoo'd me)

Apollo: Look at all these presents. Lamiroir sure is popular.
Trucy: Ooh! I wonder what's inside! We... can't open them, can we?
Ema: Probably not a good idea. You never know what you might find in one of these boxes. Bombs, razors, ransom notes...it could be anything.
Trucy: <shocked and scared>...... I'm never having a birthday party again.

Trucy: <Eyes a vending machine> I'm thirsty, Apollo.
Apollo: ...Want something to drink?
Trucy: Sure!
Apollo: ...Here, my treat.
Trucy: Hey! This isn't enough change.
Apollo: The machines outside are cheaper. This one is highway robbery.

Judge: Court is now in session for...how do I pronounce that?

Ema: Some security I was...I couldn't even stop a murder.
Judge: Now's not the time to be blaming yourself! I've made bigger mistakes in my career!
Apollo: (I'm not sure that feels so comforting to her...)
Trucy: I want to hear about these bigger mistakes!

Apollo: This evidence does more than contradict, it flips the entire case on its head!
Judge: I'm afraid the only thing flipped on its head here was you as a child, Mr. Justice.

Trucy: Congratulations, Apollo. You're the bad guy!

Apollo: It...it was a great concert.
Lamiroir: You heard me sing? Thank you.
Apollo: I was hoping to get an autograph later, actually...
Lamiroir: Of course.
Judge: Mr. Justice! This is a cross-examination! You're way out of line! ...If anyone deserves an autograph here, it's me. One on my gavel would be nice.
Klavier: Herr Judge. <Tosses a piece of paper>
Judge: Wh-What's this?
Klavier: It's my autograph. Now keep this trial moving.
Judge: Wh-what? Oh, my grandchild will be so happy!

Apollo: Lamiroir, they call you Siren of the Ballad........but lies are hardly becoming of such a creature.
Judge: ...A put-down worthy of our prosecutor, Mr.Justice.
Trucy: ...such put-downs are hardly becoming of you, Apollo.
Klavier: ...Stop polishing your forehead and start polishing your character, ja?
Apollo: (C'mon, can't I be cool for once!?)

Apollo: This seems like some sort of headset.
Trucy: Can I wear it?
CAPTION: Headset attached to Trucy.
Trucy: "Attached"? I'm not some kind of robot, Apollo!

Trucy: Apollo! I've always wanted to see the prosecutor's office! Let's go there now!
Apollo: Hmm. Doesn't seem like a bad idea.
Daryan: Say "hi" for me, OK? Oh, and "screw you".

Daryan: Get this one wrong, and you'll be eating humble pie for a year! I'll bake it myself! <Leaves>
Trucy: Let's...not talk to him anymore. Alright?

Apollo: Well, you're 15, and you're a magician, aren't you?
Trucy: Huh? Oh...yeah, well, sort of.
Apollo: (She said "sort of!" Oh, to have a copy of that security camera tape...)

<Door bursts open>
Apollo: It's the magician, Valant Gramarye! (Using the door like an average muggle, no less...)

Klavier: An interpretter? I'm afraid you'll have to look elsewhere. I only speak a few phrases, such as "I love you," and "Where is the toilet?"

Phoenix: <Enters the defendant lobby> I knew you'd be able to do it.
Apollo: Huh? M-...Mr. Wright? You believed in me?
Phoenix: Not really. I just thought that'd make a cooler entrance than, say, "hiya"!

Apollo: Your honor...take a look at this.
Judge: What's that? Hmm... Looks like candy.
Apollo: Er, it's not. Don't lick it, please. Detective Crescend. Ever seen this?
Daryan: Looks like a piece of candy.

Klavier: ...Congratulations. You've completely lost me.

Valant: It is forbidden for a magician to have a good imagination.
Phoenix: ...Uh, really? (Isn't magic all about illusions and imagination?) How about this: You were the shooter, which explains your contradiction.
Valant: ......N-Now you are the one imagining! It is forbidden for a lawyer to have a good imagination!
Judge: The witness will refrain from pausing so suspiciously before responding. ...My forbidden imagination is starting to imagine things.

Klavier: This...this is some kind of mistake!
Judge: Yes, Mr. Gavin. Your witness's mistake.

Phoenix: (I think an eight-year-old just massaged my ego.)

Meekins: Down on the hands! Floor on your head! Now now now!

Phoenix: You know, I think this was the lobby I used for my very first case. This plant has seen me grow from a rookie, to an ace...to a has-been.
...
I hate you, plant.

Phoenix: I must have seen that painting a thousand times, but I never really looked at it until now. I guess my head was too stuck in the trials...I never had time to stop and appreciate art. I have time now. OK. Let's appreciate.
......
Actually, it's pretty lame.

Phoenix: Those two magicians on that stamp...Zak and Valant...they're amazing, aren't they?
Vera: Yeah, yeah!
Phoenix: Every time I go to one of their shows, I'm all like..."Whoa! Magic!" ...You know?

Phoenix: There are some finished paintings stacked here. They don't look all that bad, really.
Drew: <depressed>...I'll sell you one for 50 cents.
Phoenix: ......That's OK. They look kind of heavy.
Drew: ...Oh.

Judge: The witness will refrain from speaking ill of the... ill!

Judge: W-What is the meaning of this, witness! I mean, defendant! Er, former lawyer!?

Trucy: Look! My panties! They came home to mama!
Phoenix: Thanks, Apollo. I was worried about them, too. Trucy special ordered those...
Apollo: (A startling display of parental concern!)
Phoenix: I'd hate to have to buy a new pair...*shudder*
Apollo: (Make that a not-so-startling display of cheapskatedness.)

Klavier: I must say I'm used to being inspected by the ladies, but this is the first time I've felt this way with a man.

Judge: I need not warn you again not to make any baseless accusations.
Phoenix: (Oh, I got all your base right here.)

Trucy: They could turn on that red light...
Apollo: ...They don't have to turn on the red light.

Apollo: (Worst. Client. Ever.)

Trucy: Wait, so this spray of yours reacts to poisons, huh? Hm......
Apollo: Augh! What are you doing!?
Trucy: I was just seeing if this spray reacted to you!
Apollo: Stop that! I'm not poisonous!
Trucy: Tell that to those hapless witnesses on the stand!

Phoenix: ...Why are you still carrying my daughter's panties around in your pocket?

Phoenix: Did the doctor say anything concerning the cause of death?
Valant: Why yes... I believe he screamed, "My God! He's been shot in the head!"

Trucy: It's not nice to reveal a magician's secrets! And it's against the rules!
Apollo: But I'm a lawyer! I'm not supposed to be nice!

Trucy: Yipee! A present for me?...But it's not my birthday.
Phoenix: So what day is it, Apollo?
Apollo: Uhh..."Take out your Plastics" Day.
Phoenix: OK...Happy Take out your Plastics Day!

Phoenix: <Examining a bottle of nail polish> Hmm... "Ariadoney"... I've heard of that brand. And this must be the brand symbol... It's supposed to be some kind of flower. Wait, no, maybe it's a hand. Wait... on second thought. Is that an eagle? ...... Who makes these things up, anyway? You'd think they'd try for a clearer symbol, at least.
Apollo: <Later, examining the bottle on his own> The nail polish Mr. Wright gave me. This must be the brand symbol. It's an "A", drawn like a flower. It's refreshing to see a brand with a simple, clear design like this.

Phoenix: Did you and Zak Gramarye meet each other that night?
Valant: Look at the way the two of us dress. If we were to meet, it would most certainly have spoilt the mood!
Phoenix: Er, the mood is not in question here-
Klavier: : I believe what the witness is trying to say is that they did not meet, ja?
Valant: Yes. For what is magic but the study of beauty? The two of us meeting was not only unlikely, it was an impossibility!
Phoenix: (For what is magic, but the study of how to make absolutely no sense at all...)

Apollo: (...........Ack! I've run out of snide comments!)

Judge: This court finds Mr. Justice's brain faulty. By majority rule.

Apollo: Is that one of those massage chairs?
Klavier: That is an ergonomic, adjustable office-
Trucy: I really like the ones with the vibrating rollers! They feel so nice!
Klavier: ...
Apollo: Something wrong?
Klavier: Forgive me, I just realized the futility of explanation.

Brushel: Yes, in fact I was the first human being ever to set foot inside this studio. Er, other than Mr. Misham, of course. Oh, and Vera, too. And, this is assuming that I'm human, of course.
Phoenix: (... I'm beginning to have my doubts.)

Trucy: You're his defense attorney. You're supposed to believe him even when he lies. That's what Daddy always told me.
Apollo: I'm going to pretend you misheard him. Every time.

Apollo: It's Charley, the houseplant. They've had it for years, apparently.
Trucy: That's "Mr. Charley" to you! He's been here longer, after all.
Apollo: ... Right, sorry.
Trucy: I'm sorry, Mr. Charley. He was raised by a tribe of heathens.
Apollo: (She's saying something to the plant as she waters it...)
Trucy: Mr. Charley forgives you. This time.
Apollo: ... Is there anything else I might do to please His High Leafiness?

Phoenix: (You fail to grasp the concept that "shooting people is bad," Detective)

Judge: Importance shmortance! Objection overruled!

Klavier: I remember setting off the metal detectors several times. I had to practically strip naked to walk through.
Apollo: (Here's a travel tip for you, Gavin: Leave the bling at home, you glimmerous fop.)

Apollo: That guitar looks like it was made out of a cop car door. ....That's right. Trucy's not here to set me straight. Now I feel kinda lonely.

Apollo: What's a police recruitment poster doing here? "Rock on... with the police."
Trucy: Maybe they're trying to trick kids into thinking the police are some kind of band.
Apollo: But that's just silly. Who'd name a band the "police"?

Ema: Why can't we have a normal, straightforward killing once a while in this country!?

Machi: <Speaks Borginian to Lamiroir>
Lamiroir: Machi says "Better luck next time, adhesive."
Machi: <Speaks Borginian to Lamiroir>
Lamiroir: Oh I'm sorry. "Better luck next time....sucker!"

Valant: AlakaZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMG!!!

Apollo: (Well, that was fruitless. Though I think I understand despair a little better now.)

<Apollo presents the wrong evidence>
Klavier: Herr Judge, may I have the honors?
Judge: Um...sure, why not?
Klavier: Excellent...Lets Rock! <plays air guitar, gives penalty>

Apollo: There's a big waste basket by the park entrance.
Trucy: ...? You aren't going to search through the trash?
Apollo: I don't think we need to.
Trucy: Oh, no, please, knock yourself out. Don't mind me, I'll be waiting over here.
Apollo: Just so we're clear, searching through trash isn't a hobby of mine, OK?

Apollo: What's with that big crowd outside the park?
Crowd: Ooh! Ooh! He's so cool!
Klavier: It seems some of my fans have found me.
Apollo: I see...
Klavier: You should wave to them, Herr Forehead. They love it.
Crowd: Ooh! Ooh! He's so cute!
Klavier: See? They don't care who waves.

Phoenix: (Do these people ever miss the chance to mock me?)

Phoenix: It seems like Gavin's not in at the moment...hm? What's this?...Gotcha! Finally...decisive evidence!
Kristoph: <enters>...What's this? A burglar...in jail? I didn't know you moonlighted in larceny, Wright.
Phoenix: Gavin...There's something I have to ask you.
Kristoph: "Can I steal your stuff?" The answer is "no".


----------------------- RECURRING QUOTES -----------------------

"I'm going to serve you some humble pie!"

Payne: Your honor! This is unjust badgering of the witness!

"Hey, look, it's a ladder."
"Actually, that's a STEP-ladder."
"What's the difference?

Judge: Order! Order! What's the meaning of this?
Phoenix: It's very simple, Your Honor.

----------------------- NONHUMOROUS QUOTES ---------------------

Phoenix: You're lying! You were inside the apartment on the day of the murder!
Sahwit: Oh yeah? Prove it! Prove I went in there!
Phoenix: I'll do better than that! I can prove YOU WERE THE ONE WHO KILLED HER!

Edgeworth: There is only one thing we seek: The truth. No matter how painful it may be.

Adrian: Please...please STOP!!! If people find out...if people find out, I'll...I'll...!!!
Edgeworth: If you are going to say that you would "choose death"...then that is of NO concern to me. But before you die, I will pull the truth from your breathing lips! No matter WHAT I have to do.

Edgeworth: You see...you have already declined your right to testify. That means you forfeited your right to make statements of any sort. Just sit back, relax...and enjoy the sound of the noose tightening around your own neck.

Phoenix: I...I have an objection, Your Honor.
Edgeworth: Hmph. That was about the weakest objection I've ever heard, Mr. Wright.
Phoenix: OBJECTION!!!!

Phoenix: What I want you to do is just tell me what happened. Don't lie to me, because I'll know.

Godot: I think you already know this, but if you don't...my real name is....Diego Armando.
Maya: M-Mr. Armando! I...I believe in you! I know you were trying to save me!
<Godot's visor begins bleeding>
Armando: Hmm...Thanks.
Phoenix: Y-Your wound! It's bleeding!
Armando: ...Ha! Did you forget already? In my world, the color red doesn't exist. These must be...my tears. Ever since I woke up from my coma...I think I've been waiting for this very moment. You'd do well to remember this, Maya. The only time a lawyer can cry is when it's all over.