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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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L'cie

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No, He was teaching living environment.. Then he just called us all faggots
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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1000% Knight

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"I'm nice! I'm a very nice person. Well, until you piss me off. And then... Well, let's just say you'll only piss me off once."
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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earthlings on fire

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Teacher: OK, class, your test is tomorrow! Who can tell me what sexual reproduction is?
*cue many R rated answers*

Seriously, you don't ask teens that without expecting explicit answers.
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Ace Fangirl

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We were studying WW2 last year, and my History teacher was talking about Germany and Italy allying themselves together, so he said "Hitler and Mussolini get friendly". My friend and I were the only ones to find this funny.

Another one: My chemistry teacher was in a bad mood and going on a rant about how we don't listen. He told us to put our pens do so we would fully focus, and then literally 5 seconds later he told us to "write this down".
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Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

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My French teacher today was asking the guys in our class if we've ever tried ladie's underwear before....
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earthlings on fire

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Not really something she said, but:

Math Teacher: See class? I got my Wiimote attatched to my overhead projector, so it's like a smart board now! *pokes screen projected onto the whiteboard, clicking on a link*

Teacher again: But you have to make sure that your hand isn't in the way, or it doesn't work.

Me: What if you put your hand over a link and then click your hand?

Teacher: *tries it* *link works*

Teacher: WOW! It works! *gets all happy* Only you guys would think of that! *opens Microsoft Paint*

Classmate: Can we draw a mustache on Nick?

Teacher: OK!

Nick: *goes up to the front, laughing. Stands in front of whiteboard, so the screen is projected on him*

Teacher: *draws mustache*

Foolishness like this goes on for about 30 more minutes, and just when the bell is about to ring:

Teacher: Oh by the way, class, you have a test in two days.

Class: W.T.F.
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title

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for marching band are director told us to "park and blow"
one of the upper classed pointed out the pervertedness behind it
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SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.

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OK: To simplify i use smileys.
:udgy: Art teacher
:franny: English teacher
:uramidn: substitute teacher.

:udgy: (In Italian accent) TODAY IS THE DAY!
*Here comes all the jokes about Dolmio in the world.*

:udgy: Ok, when we're making your clay gargoyles, make it as ugly as you like. Think Gordon brown just with pointy ears and sharp teeth.

:franny: Wait...how do you spell 'bomb?'

:franny: Welll, I spent all last night planning this lessson, thats how sad I am.

:uramidn: You better stop playing with that ruler or i'll shove it somewhere you won't want it to be!
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Time for you to sleep.

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My french teacher once made one of the guys say “I love Alex” in French
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Call me Ishmael.

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Our history teacher is Finnish and says "Enjoy the moment" (he's like Hanekoma from TWEWY) all the time. He's awesome.
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Till the landslide brought me down...

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substitute teacher (in a deep voice) : If you follow the rules, we shall all get along!
Class: *laughs*
substitute teacher: :zenitora:
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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This happened to my friend but she told me the story anyways xD

Sub: Hello there class, we have a new student today
Class: *chatters*
Sub: His name is Cucumber Pickles *points to himself and goes to sit on a student desk*

Sub: *marks roll* P- Cucumber Pickels!...
Class: *silent*
Sub: Oh wait! That's me! I'm here!



:franny: Teacher
:maya: Friend 1

:franny: ~~~ :maya: Come here!
:maya: Yes miss?
:franny: Is there anything in my eye??? *shows eye*
:maya: ........ xD
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All You Need is Love. ♥

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In my senior year of high school, my English teacher said a bunch of epic things. But I remember him saying:

"Awwww, isn't that sweet? Yeah... I'd enjoy it more if I weren't so cynical."
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rock on rebel warriors

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this wasn't really my teacher, just a video shown in class.

Spoiler:
Teacher: Okay, we don't have that much time, so I'm just going to show you part of this.
*puts on video*
Girl: -where's the toilet?
Guy: We don't-
Girl: Where's the toilet?
Guy: ...
err we don't have toilets out here. *goes toward girl* You can use the forest, I guess.
Girl: *walks outside*
Some girl: CUT!
Class: ...?

The video then went to a part talking to random people about how "this country" is so safe.
Guy: yeah it's like a feeling it's good it's safe you know
Other Guy: Yeah, it's pretty safe, I guess...

Then there's a switch to a roadside, some girl's talking about something and she's hitchhiking. A car comes over.
Girl: Oh, look, someone stopped! We should check the window first to see if it's a nice person.
*glances in window* Oh, he looks fine! *hops in*
Driver: *glares in mirror*

Then there's a map of Argentina (we finally know where they're talking about >_>) and my teacher skips to this part. There are penguins and a girl on a beach.
Girl: LOOK THERE ARE PENGUINS EVERYWHERE AHHHHHH :D
*penguin closeup*
Class: Aww!
Girl: *starts waddling* You know what the best part about penguins are? THEY WADDLE

*bell rings*
Teacher: ciaooo
Class: ???


I'm not sure what that was all about. And, yes, the scenes switched that suddenly.
alles ist scheisse
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Pretentious? Moi?

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'I hope you'll drink beer when you're older, otherwise you'll lead a very dull life.'
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FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

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Teacher: "Martin, I took GCSE Maths, A-Level Maths, a University Degree in Maths, and a Masters in Maths. I think we can all assume I know more about Maths than you."
Class: "NEEEEEEEEERD!"

Teacher: "Billy, that is B.S.!"
Me & Lola: "UMMMM."
Teacher: "Well I didn't say 'shit'!"

-Class is doing a test-
Teacher: "...You can kill a man with a biro."
Class: "...-put pens down and listen intently-"
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earthlings on fire

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(during the lesson on static electricity)

Science Teacher: "Gabe, do you really have to rub your butt on everything in my classroom?!"
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Anything from the shop? Cornetto.

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GCMiekoV wrote:
This happened to my friend but she told me the story anyways xD

Sub: Hello there class, we have a new student today
Class: *chatters*
Sub: His name is Cucumber Pickles *points to himself and goes to sit on a student desk*

Sub: *marks roll* P- Cucumber Pickels!...
Class: *silent*
Sub: Oh wait! That's me! I'm here!



:franny: Teacher
:maya: Friend 1

:franny: ~~~ :maya: Come here!
:maya: Yes miss?
:franny: Is there anything in my eye??? *shows eye*
:maya: ........ xD


Rugrats reference FTW!
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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THOMASNATOR wrote:
GCMiekoV wrote:
This happened to my friend but she told me the story anyways xD

Sub: Hello there class, we have a new student today
Class: *chatters*
Sub: His name is Cucumber Pickles *points to himself and goes to sit on a student desk*

Sub: *marks roll* P- Cucumber Pickels!...
Class: *silent*
Sub: Oh wait! That's me! I'm here!



:franny: Teacher
:maya: Friend 1

:franny: ~~~ :maya: Come here!
:maya: Yes miss?
:franny: Is there anything in my eye??? *shows eye*
:maya: ........ xD


Rugrats reference FTW!


xD really? I just noticed that o-o

Back on topic: my primary school teacher talked about how her son got stressed and he have stress ball so whenever he gets angry he just squeeze it
She kept on talking about it and soon it sounded really wrong o-o
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What the Devil is going on here?

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English teacher (who is a rather oldish lady) points to a woman binkini on the projector.

teacher:...blah blah blah....and this lady has a body very much like my own..beautiful legs, pear shaped hips..
My friend made the funniest face of disgust when she said that.

The same teacher is wearing a jumper on a REALLY hot day. Everyone is begging her to take it off becuase shes making us hot just looking at her. At the end of the lesson everyone is walking out and im packing up my stuff.
Teacher: *Starts taking her jumper off*
me: are you finally getting hot miss
Teacher: no, i always was hot stuff..*winks at the old mand teacher standing next to her*
me: *tries to do the face my friend previously made*
~
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Till the landslide brought me down...

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This is what happens when my teacher thinks I'm too quiet

Mr C(calling the roll)- Clarissa?
Me- Here
Mr C- Where?
Me- Here
Mr C-Clarissa?
Me- Over here
Mr C- Is Clarissa here today?
Me- yes, I'm here
Mr C- I'll just have to mark her absent
Me- :chinami: ...
Mr C- Oh there she is
Me- thankyou

he was only joking xD


Mr substitute- kate? what's your last name?
Kate- Ting
Mr substitute- TING TONG!!
everyone- o_o
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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Well my teacher didn't day anything but...
Me: *plays Pictochat with friends on DS during a school performance*
Teacher: *looks at me*
Me: *stops scribbling and looked at him*
Teacher: *Gives (my name) death stare*
Me: *Gives Death stare back*
(a couple of minutes later)
Teacher: *turns*
Me: Victory!!!! :D
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Welcome have a :cookie: is TRADEMARED!

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I have a ew small ones.

My music teacher. She's so awesome
"If you don't all shut up i'll give you an ear raping of a liftime"
(About putting planners on the desk)
"Yes, because according to the head not having planners on your desk somehow stops you from learning" *Whispers* "Bollacks"
Spoiler: My old science and Maths teacher. I think that they he owned everyone in class.
Him: "Huh? Thats not my asernal Poster"
Boy in our class: "Then who do you support?"
Him: "The Kiasechiefs?"
Us: "LEGASP"
A retarded person: "Isn't that like a band"
Him: "No you idiot go wikipedia it. It's a fotball team. You say you now alot about football but you don't even know that"
The Retarded person. "At least i play football! And My coach says i'm good"
Him: "Well you coach is stupid. And I could tak you in a gae of football"
The retarded person " No you couldn't!" He stands up and falls over
Him : That children is what you call "Epic Failure"

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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title

[Words]

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The Kaiser Chiefs are a band...
I would've said the same thing as that kid. I don't watch football. My English teacher is pretty hilarious, I just can't seem to remember a thing she says.

Oh and technically this falls under funny things my teacher's said. was in Civics class a few days ago, and my teacher was telling me about this story that happened in the House of Commons:

There was a woman a few years back who switched from the Conservative part to the Liberal party, something that didn't happen very often. She was also in a relationship with a member of the Conservative Party, but that relationship ended when she moved to the other side. The man she was dating, heartbroken, went home and cried to his dog, depressed about how things had turned out. Of course, with him being in the public eye, pictures of this were taken and he became a laughing stock.

Kind of a sad story insofar, but things get better. A few weeks later, a debate was getting pretty heated at the House of Commons, and one of the Liberal party members stood up and addressed to the man who had been dumped "Why don't you just go home and cry to your dog?"
The man who had been dumped stood up and said "I can't, you have her now." (If you don't get who he's talking about, I can't help you)
The woman that had switched sides knew that he was referring to her, and needless to say, she was shocked.
The man would later refuse to admit to what he'd said earlier.

Maybe not the funniest joke ever, but a pretty awesome diss.
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<3 <3 <3

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"All sorts of things fall out of trees, like leaves, and dead squirrels, and stuff."

He was explaining an ecosystem to us. I wrote down so many great quotes from it, but then I had to turn in the paper. ;A;
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title

[Words]

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*English teacher sees a kid looking down with his hands under the desk, usually a sign they're texting*
English Teacher: Put your phone away.
Boy: What? Miss, I'm not using my phone.
Teacher: Well, you can only be doing two things with your hands under your desk: using yor phone or playing with your tweedlee-dee. Either way, stop it.
Class: *laughs*
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:)

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"I jizzed in my pants reading this!"
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[Words]

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Your teacher said that? Lol.
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:)

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Yeah.
I love how the male college teachers are so relaxed. :P
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My teacher took a "which job would be best for you?" test and got funeral director :lana:
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rock on rebel warriors

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this would be an example of not funny.

so, i got called to go down to the principal's office. i had been late a lot, so they gave me a detention.

principal: Here, have your parents sign this.
me: mhm.

i was probably making an "argh god dammit" face right then, (this would be my first detention.) suddenly, the principal said:

principal: What, are your parents going to beat you?
me: no.
(my sister: You should've said yes and started crying! ...wait, no, don't do that.)

I left to go back to class, and then I was like "Hey, wait a minute! What did he just say?" and spent the rest of the period feeling awkward. what kind of a joke was that?
alles ist scheisse
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The master of Judging 64

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detentions isn't bad unless there was a reason for you being late all the time that you aren't at fault. Anyway It not bad as oh you been late so many times...you fail. I hate how they force you to only miss so many days before they fluke you. Even if you can make it all up.
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Ace Fangirl

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I just found a whole webpage of these things...
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/comedy-goldmine/dumb-teacher-school.php
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RoundedEdge wrote:


Ha...! Those are great. :godot:

Well, I used to have a crazy music teacher. Like, crazy for real. :meekins:
He used to say stuff like:

To the class, looking outside the window - "I see your dull heads trying desperately to escape from the depths of hell."

He also called us "charlatans" all the time.
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I wasn't there when this happened but my classmate told me this story:

My two classmates were sitting by the computer and laughing at some poorly taken "erotic" pictures of girls that are always displayed in a tabloid magazine, the girls are called something like "evening girls", the magazine's name being "Evening Magazine", roughly translated...

My teacher walks to the classroom to do some work, she was supposed to evaluate something and give grades and other important stuff, but she just stops behind my friends backs and goes:

Teacher: What on earth are you doing? o_o
Friend 1: We're looking at the Evening girls! ^^
Friend 2: Yeah, but 'Smile' has even better pics! *laughs*

They then changed the page and indeed, I have seen those pictures (they're always some Finnish little celebreties who are known for things like "Oooh, the prime minister was texting me.. xOO GASP") and they are just so... TACKY and cheap. My teacher was all shocked and she laughed and stared at the bikini "babes" with my classmates for who knows how long, when someone ran to the classroom and said:

Person: Tiina! You didn't do the evaluation just yet, did you? Am I late?! *all sad*
Teacher: Uh... N-no, I ran into some other business I had to attend to.
Friend 1: Yeah! She was looking at naked women with us!
Teacher: I-it wasn't like that! I-it was for educational purposes only!!

...All my teachers are so damn funny, but I just can't remember any quotes. :(
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We're learning about Proestants in religion, and I'm not paying attention, so the teacher starts giving out to me.

Religion Teacher: Why aren't you paying attention! You know nothing about Protestants, what'll you ever do if you marry a Protestant man?...or a Protestant woman, you could be a lesbian for all I know.
Class: :eh?:

I mean, I've nothing against gay people, it'd be slightly hypocritical if I did hate them (and I feel so strongly against homophobia anyway) but it was the way she said it, and when you have a look at my class, and see how immature they all are, then you'll know why it was the wrong thing to say in front of them.
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A long time in my old school I was in RE class.
There was this kid whose voice hadn't broken yet so he had this really squeaky voice.
The teacher said"*insert name here* tell me who would you like to pray for?"
The kid said "I dont have anyone to pray for" then the teacher said "Fine then friends and family then?"
Then the kid said alright then Friends and family" in a really squeaky voice.
Everyone started to grin when the teacher yelled out in a really squeaky voice "FRIENDS AND FAMILY!!!!"
We all lol'ed

Also in science class when that kid was talking the teacher cut accross him and shouted "I'M A REAL BOY!"
Nothing.
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By Midnight Jasper! Much thanks!

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Context: po was a variable in a problem that we were trying to solve for.
Mr. ____ (Math teacher) ...So, then, po should then equal...
Students: *Try to hold back laughing*
Mr. ____: What's so funny?
Students: (Something about po)
Mr. ____: Yeah, I know, it sounds like "peanut".
It was SO FUNNY at the time, but it doesn't really look too good on paper.
Context: My Physics teacher always addresses visitors the same way...he's collecting homework. and...
Mr. ______: Joe (not an actual member of my class)! Let's see your homework... *sees visitor* Oh Jesus, you're not Joe. Who the hell are you?
Supposedly some of the visitors in past years were too scared to speak. He didn't do it to me though.
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We were doing CPR and all those lifesaving skills with a different religion teacher from the last story(I like this one better) and she gets one of the kids in my class, the one who isn't very bright btw, to lie on the floor to do the recovery position on him. He thinks she's about to do CPR on him.

Kid: Oh, but Miss, we hardly know each other! :udgy:

Teacher: You wish we were doing that. :hotti:

Class: :beef:
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rock on rebel warriors

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Posts: 244

homework: "Te gusta los trajes apretados?" (Do you like tight suits?)
teacher: Oh... I just had an image about tight suits.
me:?!
teacher: You guys probably don't watch the news, but... there's a new senator for massachusetts, and he's really cute. He used to be a model...
(rambles about how she thinks everyone voted for him because he's so hot)
Anyways... I just imagined him buying and trying on some new, tight suits.


oh my.
alles ist scheisse
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