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Funniest things YOU have said without thinking!Topic%20Title
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:Ace Author has a nice ring to it...

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This is a board about things YOU, the audience, have said without thinking!

For example:

Doing a quiz game, and someone guesses my question right.
Me: (Jumps in the air, and points at the girl who got it right) IN-DEED!
Awkward silence.

(Playing a game against my brother)

Him: Time to make Minced Meat out of you!
Me( In a genuinely sad voice): But we don't HAVE any minced meat! :larry:
Him: ... WHAT?!

Me (playing a game by myself but with my brother in the room, and looking at attacks): Hey... (Name of attack)... Me sound likey!
Him: You sound likey? What, are you Jar Jar with a speech problem?
Me: (Offended) Why you cantankerous little jerk!

Now, what are yours?
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Freak of Nature

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Hm, back in my funny school days, we were interpreting texts and poems. I was in a french school, and this french school had a fetish for interpretation. We usually wrote 7 pages for a poem with 7 lines, mostly nonsense that just didn't seem right, but we weren't allowed to point that out, because "the teacher's always right!"
Anyway, we once had to interpret a passage of Rousseaux's "Les Confessions" (Jean-Jacques Rousseau btw, one of the VERY few writers I hate with passion)... Les Confessions being an outburst of self-pity. The passage was therefore full of self-pity as well, and basically Rousseau was whining about the fact that when he was a child, his parents thought he broke a comb or something like that and he got punished for it. Now, years later, he describes how awful the event was and wrote "I didn't broke the comb! I swear I didn't! blablabla!" Other than that, he also claimed this event destroyed his childhood.
Fair enough, after reading that goddamn text, I was all "UGH! Get a life!"... then my teacher started interpreting this piece of shit, actually tried to tell us that guy was a goddamn hero because of this silly crap, and yeah...

Suddenly, I stood up and yelled "OH MY GOD! ARE YOU SERIOUS? THAT GUY IS JUST PATHETIC!" without realizing it. (in german, btw, while our classes were in french)
Yeah... my teacher was pretty confused, and I think she was somewhat afraid because when I stood up she was standing near me... And everybody else was silent as well.
However, I have to give credit to my teacher at this point, because she then started smiling at me and said, in french "Thank you for giving us your opinion, my dear. But next time, please do it in french!"

God, I miss her. She was great XD Although I hated interpretation!
(wow, I really love anecdotes, can you tell?)
If it weren't for caffeine I'd have no personality
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I BELONG!

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Uggg I have a few things

Once when I was around 12 I was gonna spend the night out in a tent with my friend and my sister calls to tell us to keep our eyes out for a meter shower that night so she says to look at the east sky and I forget what direction she says so I stupidly ask "Wait....its in the what sky?" Which was then followed by laugher and my friends pointing at the ground going "That sky!"

Another tiem was a few months ago in my music appriciation class and my same friends boyfriend was kicking my chair because I just insulted him and she says "You never fight back" and I say "Yeah I just stand there and take it"

Also today we were doing a worksheet about a compser in that class and I was reading though the passage about him and I get to the point where he becomes a communist and supported the banning of much music and I mutter to myself "I dont like this guy anymore" and contine to read on to wear it says he helped many people once he did this even though it put his life in danger and I yell out louder than I mean to "I RETRACT MY PREVIOUS STATEMENT! I LIKE THIS GUY NOW!" Followed by a look from a friend sitting next to me and then we both burst into laughter.
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Re: Funniest things YOU have said without thinking!Topic%20Title
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(ace attorney gremlin mode activated)

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I know I APPARENTLY say funny things.

One of my friends (sarcasticly): Victoria, WHAT's an idiom?
Me: An idiot who can't spell.
Friends: XDDDD

I'm not sure why they laughed so hard. Maybe because it was such a sarcastic question?
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Re: Funniest things YOU have said without thinking!Topic%20Title
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:Ace Author has a nice ring to it...

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These are great! I remember one that will live in infamomy(I think that's how you spell it)

Brother: (NAME) THE TOILET'S OVERFLOWING!

Me: Put the lid down! That'll fix it! It will stop the water flow!

(After going outside 2 hrs to swim, house is ankle length in water)

Him: PUT THE LID DOWN! THAT'LL FIX IT!

Me: Oops...
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見たのか・・・!

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Amemiya Sayaka says (15:50):
Ich habe eine Ziege in meiner Tasche.

...Yeah.
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Proud PxM shipper.

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I have a very prissy friend named Danielle. We call her Dan to annoy her. She was going to try out for cheerleading. I came back to the lunch table after getting my lunch. Dan always says "oh my gawd".

Friend: Dan showed us her cheer while you were gone.
Me: What was it? "Two four six eight, oh my "gawd" this is great"?
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Re: Funniest things YOU have said without thinking!Topic%20Title
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Yuki Fan~!

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I said:

'I love you.... Ah, shit.'
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Most concerned citizen out there.

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I don't remember what excatly I said, but I do remember back in the seventh grade, I was complaining about something to the teacher out loud and the whole classroom including the teacher herself burst out in laughter.

I wish I knew what I said.
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(ace attorney gremlin mode activated)

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DefenseNeverRests wrote:
I have a very prissy friend named Danielle. We call her Dan to annoy her. She was going to try out for cheerleading. I came back to the lunch table after getting my lunch. Dan always says "oh my gawd".

Friend: Dan showed us her cheer while you were gone.
Me: What was it? "Two four six eight, oh my "gawd" this is great"?

That's hilarious! I can imagine some of the people at our school saying that XDDD
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Stalker Horse?!

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I say lots of funny things, apparently. Couldn't tell you a single one of these things though, but I often just say things and people laugh. Laugh and laugh. Then say I'm funny.

But yeah, seems that most things I say make people laugh.
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Weeeeeee!!!!!

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There's quite a few that I remember from high school...

My friend who was from Sri Lanka was doing a skit and pretended to play dead during English...
Teacher: And what kind of humour do you guys call that?
My friend: Black humour?

During another English class, I was watching some Year 9 kids playing outside and one happens to have a bright idea to skate down the hill using an upturned table to do it...obviously, he wasn't smart to figure out the pot holes in it and ended up stacking it. It was at this moment that another yelled out "What a nickcheese!"

I think during Physics, we bag out the teacher a lot since the class was almost entirely male so yeah...
Teacher: *goes on something about Maxwell Clark and radio waves*
Me: Does that mean we get to bugger off then as I don't do radios?

Teacher during maths: I never trust a man with both hands under the desk.

My friend: Why are they wasting water on all the fires during this drought?
Me: You can't be serious...
My friend: Doesn't water aggravate fires?
Me: How about I light your world?

Playing PE, someone got hit with a soccer ball in the face.
Me: Owned, literally.
Then I happened to have a basketball kicked into MY face...famous last words there...
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Teh insane Arteest

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It wasn't me who said it, but...

:gregory: = Bio teacher
:adrian: = Me
:javado: = Guy who sits next to me

:gregory: Today we are going to observe the effects of random assortment on offspring. Congratulations, you're all happy couples now.
:javado: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!
:adrian: *dies*
:javado: *grabs my arm* Hey, let's make babies!
:adrian: *dies some more*
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I'll reappear soon enough...patience...

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Sometime in the beginning of the school year, my friend was talking about math and I unconciously said, "What's math?" Meanwhile I'm in honors.

About a week after that a couple of my friends were talking about penguins and I asked, "What are penguins?" Yet I liek penguins.
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The Modern Odysseus

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-Friends laughing at me for doing bad in some video game-
Me: Guys, I'm nude at this!!
-Friends crack up-

A bad slip of the tongue. I meant to say new.
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Myself: I forgot?
:keylady: Hmmmm... whatever, it is time to fly return~ :edgy:

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People should live freely without constraints.
That's how life should be! -
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The Father of Death

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I have never said anything funny. I am the least funny being known to mankind.
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Re: Funniest things YOU have said without thinking!Topic%20Title

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Loam wrote:
Wall of text


Oh buddy, how I feel your pain. German school I used to go to was OBSESSED with interpretations (kay, AU/CH/DE are BIG on culture in school..SUPPOSEDLY), could be the worst poem or short story and you're supposed to praise it on your knees and analyse according to a thousand aspects. THIS IS AN ONOMATOPOEIA WHICH THE AUTHOR HAS SPENT FOUR YEARS PLANNING, now he is a hero.
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Ready to RAWK!?

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Jeez, what I've said unintentionally? Hmm...

It was around 3 in the morning.

:phoenix: Me.
:maya: Sis.

:maya: Goodnight, bro!
:phoenix: 'night, sis!
:maya: love you!
:oops: ... Hi!

I was so out of it I messed up on THAT response!!!
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I seized fate by the neck alright...

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I just happened to say something thoughtless and funny today during Microbiology lab.

Me: Duuuuuuuuude. The flaaaame. It's, like, all hypnotic duuuuuuuuuuude. Why am I talking liiiiiiike Matt Engarde duuuuuuuude?
Lab Partner: ...Yo. Mitz.
Me: The flame's sooooo blue and shiny...I don't wanna stop staring.
Lab Partner: Mitz. Your bacteria smears are dry.
Me: What bacteria smears?
There are no heroes left in man. Mankind is doomed by the likes of you.
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Do you see the black one...or the white?

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Well, it wasn't really me, but this kind of cracked me up. I was working on a Physics lab and we were constantly using paper towels so we were constantly running out, so when a teacher came by giving us some paper towels, this is what ensued.

Me: Sweet! Free paper towels!

Lab Partner: Yea, because the other ones cost you 10 cents.

I just lost it and laughed right there because it was so unexpected! Random is good.
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CatMuto wrote:
Pierre wrote:
Man...that looks dull...this actually makes me worried for KH3 (since that team worked on the battle system)


I feel the same
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ಠ_ಠ EYES

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Mo's mates: Oh she's so slow c'mon let's go 8DDDD

Mo: *Running up the stairs, out of breath* WAIT WAIIIIT I'M STILL COMIIIIIIING!! DDDDD:

It took me about 5 minutes to understand whythey buckled over with laughter at that point.
Ever since then..

Matt: Oi Tan, you still coming?!
Mo: Stfu.
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The foxy ladies can't resist my sandwich

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Doylie-Mo wrote:
Mo's mates: Oh she's so slow c'mon let's go 8DDDD

Mo: *Running up the stairs, out of breath* WAIT WAIIIIT I'M STILL COMIIIIIIING!! DDDDD:

It took me about 5 minutes to understand whythey buckled over with laughter at that point.
Ever since then..

Matt: Oi Tan, you still coming?!
Mo: Stfu.


*COKE COKE
fuck
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Klavier: God of Prosecution

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Since I live in Arizona, I had to take a class about Arizona history in 8th grade.

So I was sitting in the class bored out of my skull (since I already knew most of the material) when the teacher asks:

:grey:: Now, can anyone tell me what 'snowbirds' are?

Now for anyone who doesn't know, "Snowbirds" are the official description of people who migrate to Arizona in the winter since our winters are as hot and bitter as hell. But not thinking, I blurted out:

:hobohodo:: They're jerks! ...Oops...

The class and teacher thought it was funny though.
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Jesus Freaks... UNITE!

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Nurt.& Foods get boring after awhile so while me and my partner were waiting for everyone else I say out loud to were only he could:

Me: I am ironman, I'll molest anyone who gets on hand...

Partner: o.O

Me: <.< ... >.> Ummm... *slams head an desk*

And when I did that I was thinking about all of the Gant jokes here and I thought of this ((Thank god I didn't say it but thought it...))

'I am Mr.Gant, I'll molest any kiddy who gets in hand.'

Yeah, stupid... I know ><
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The Law is just a Game...

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In Court, this woman was saying how she didn't see some crime happen because a hedge was in the way.

Me:Do you really believe that this woman couldn't see past her own bush?

Defense Attorney Ralph Hanlon: Objection!?!

Judge Harrigan: Please *bursts out laughing* Please rephrase that.
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ah I have some good ones both under the influence of smash bros melee

(playing Melee with friends one day)

David: You freaking suck using Marth and his counter move!
Me: So?
Adam: Its cheap dude.
Me: No its not. When you have the chance to basically shove a hammer up ur bung hole because you think you can knock me out then I counter your hammer swing then knock you off the stage making it IMPOSSIBLE for you to get back on the stage....thats a good feeling ^_^
David & Adam: ....youre so right... -_-

(Me playing as marth and Adam being the smart ass he is picks roy thinking he has a chance)

Me: So...youre going to try Roy huh...
Adam: Yup
Me: You know ill still wipe the floor with you right?
Adam: Im beating you at your own game *points in my face*
Me: *sigh* alright suit urself

(20 Minutes later)
Adam: WTF!?!
Me: Exactly..... :will:
(Note: I've played with Marth and smash bros melee enough to where I can counter almost anything)
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You can't beat me and Ike~

XXD
DetectiveTomDamron wrote:
ah I have some good ones both under the influence of smash bros melee

(playing Melee with friends one day)

David: You freaking suck using Marth and his counter move!
Me: So?
Adam: Its cheap dude.
Me: No its not. When you have the chance to basically shove a hammer up ur bung hole because you think you can knock me out then I counter your hammer swing then knock you off the stage making it IMPOSSIBLE for you to get back on the stage....thats a good feeling ^_^
David & Adam: ....youre so right... -_-

(Me playing as marth and Adam being the smart ass he is picks roy thinking he has a chance)

Me: So...youre going to try Roy huh...
Adam: Yup
Me: You know ill still wipe the floor with you right?
Adam: Im beating you at your own game *points in my face*
Me: *sigh* alright suit urself

(20 Minutes later)
Adam: WTF!?!
Me: Exactly..... :will:
(Note: I've played with Marth and smash bros melee enough to where I can counter almost anything)

:keylady: Hmmmm... whatever, it is time to fly return~ :edgy:

(7o_o)7 Sprite Arts Game char Deja-vus? Chores AA char in 3D! Ryu CR!

People should live freely without constraints.
That's how life should be! -
Richard Wellington
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My son is bored. Care to play with him?

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During a ride in their family van, some friends handed me a Bible for some reason I can't remember. Looking back, I was probably being kind of a jerk. Anyway, I said something along the lines of, "Wow...just imagine all the profits I could make with this." Much to my surprise, they reacted with laughter. Only a few seconds later did I understand why. Then a smile of relief broke across my face. Thanks to an unintended pun, I got off scot free.
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When my teacher was talking about Juliet killing herself because she didn't want to get married to Paris. I sang "Crawling in my skin" a little too loud
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No reason to be excited

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in German 2:

Lehrerin: "Friedrich, wo wohnst du?"
Mir: "ich wohne im Februar."

oh yea and this one time when I was listening to my mp3 in freshman seminar I started singing Tom sawyer. unfortunately, we were watching a movie and everyone heard me.
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~~ Ich mach das schon!! ~~
:keylady: Hmmmm... whatever, it is time to fly return~ :edgy:

(7o_o)7 Sprite Arts Game char Deja-vus? Chores AA char in 3D! Ryu CR!

People should live freely without constraints.
That's how life should be! -
Richard Wellington
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Bomberkid

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This was about 3 years back, my sister was 4 years old and she went to me...

Sis: (my name), fight with me please?
Me: No, (sis' name)
Sis: Hmm...come on, I want to fight!
Me: I don't want to! Three words, I don't want......doh!

-----------------------------------------------------

I hated the piano ever since I was a kid. I was really upset and angry that my parents didn't let me play the violin and so I screamed at them "I WANT TO PLAY THE PIANO!!" And then my parents and older sisters burst out with laughter. And that made me feel even more angry! :zenitora:
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I'm not really funny, neither the things I said...But I do remember, that in school someone was insulting me everytime that person saw me. Finally, I was so annoyed that I shouted "SHUT THE HELL UP, BITCH!". That person was a boy.
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Am I Innocent?

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one time in English Class last semester

We were talking about the book The chrysalids and we came to the part where David gets whipped by his father as punishment for saying something out loud by accident and I said

:maya: "Sounds Kinky"

my Teacher :edgy: said "What?"

and then :maya: said "People like getting whipped because it feels so good to them"

my teacher :edgy: said "That's not what we are talking about"

and then I :keiko: said "That's why it's kinky!!"

then I realized what I said then my face felt hot and I laughed along with the rest of the class :-P
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Ace Sidekick!

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......What was I thinking?

:maya: (me) : That chocolate turnover tasted awesome! And it was so big, bigger than a penis!

:mia-maya: (my mom) : *very upset by my choice of words*

:agent-Smith: (my brother) : That was vulgar of you.


And this is when I noticed Diego was on the random sprite on the court-records home page: "No Diego, I'm not breaking you out of jail. So stop giving me that thousand wat smile."

And when Franziska was on the random sprite: "Well...I guess it was only a matter of time."

Sorry, I love Franziska but I couldn't resist! xD
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The Real Human Being

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>talking to a girl
>We were playing Yu-Gi-Oh and she had a card I needed.
>I ask how many dildos she had,
>Totally meant to say doubles
>She blushes
>gets up
>opens the door
>get on the floor
>everybody walks the dinosaur

>Walks out of the classroom.

Apparently she was super shy and I messed up her interest in me before it went any further.
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☆☆☆ Kira ☆☆☆

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DoMaya wrote:
>talking to a girl
>We were playing Yu-Gi-Oh and she had a card I needed.
>I ask how many dildos she had,
>Totally meant to say doubles
>She blushes
>gets up
>opens the door
>get on the floor
>everybody walks the dinosaur

>Walks out of the classroom.

Apparently she was super shy and I messed up her interest in me before it went any further.


I've heard of this before. They're called: Self-inflicted cock block.
I'm Blak, and I have shit taste.
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Too bad. Waluigi Time.

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Okay, just chilling on my couch playing Awakening, and my dog starts barking.
Me: Shut up shut up shut up! (at the dog) Die die die die die! (at some guy in the game)

It came out sounding like I was saying the whole thing to my dog. Hilarity ensued.
Re: Funniest things YOU have said without thinking!Topic%20Title
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Your Honor! There is a contradiction!

Gender: Female

Location: Northern California

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 30, 2013 10:08 pm

Posts: 701

I once asked 'am I allowed to shit here' instead of sit.
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