Apollo: Great start already.



Edgeworth: Because his name is literally in the title and he's been shown to always be the antagonist of the story?

Phoenix: And there's really been no other major antagonist in this story apart from von Karma, who's literally a brain.



Phoenix: Wait, who?

Trucy: I think he was the culprit in the very first trial of the last story. The one who tried to frame fic-me for murder.

Apollo: Weird time to bring him up. Also, wait, is this fic saying that Kumar is actually Wilt?

Edgeworth: That's impossible. He's dead.

Phoenix: Since when has death ever mattered in these stories?

Edgeworth: ...true.



Apollo: Okay, apart from the fact that a one off character was shown to have worn gloves during his appearance, how exactly was this in any way foreshadowed throughout this fic?!

Phoenix: If it was, I know I certainly missed it.



Edgeworth: I think the author needs to find out what "irreproachable" means. It's far from what they think it is.



Apollo: Still not a real pedophile! And what do genes have to do with that?!



Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: Actually...that kinda sounds similar to your story, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I realize that. And I don't like it one bit.

Apollo: And when they put it that way, it almost makes it seem like we're supposed to be rooting for the villain here.



Phoenix: ...that's...not how the big Magatama works. And that's not how spirit channeling works either.

Trucy: Does anything actually work in this story?

Apollo: Certainly nothing intentionally works.



All: ...

Phoenix: Did...did they just say that Pearls resorted to CANNIBALISM?!

Apollo: ...I think so.

Phoenix: Okay, this is beyond bad. This is absolutely DISGUSTING! Pearls would NEVER do something like that! You could not be farther from Pearl's behavior and mannerisms if you even tried! I feel legitimately unclean just reading this!

Edgeworth: My thoughts exactly. And the author has the nerve to only rate this story as T?!

Trucy: That is not okay! That is not okay at all!



Phoenix: Wow! Understatement of the century, fic-me!

Edgeworth: Also, Misty Fey is not Pearl's mother. She's her aunt.

Phoenix: Bit of a minor issue, Edgeworth!



Apollo: Didn't sound like a very well thought out plan, didn't it?

Trucy: Well otherwise, we'd have a good story.

Phoenix: Except for the whole cannibalism thing.



Apollo: ...you know what? I'm beyond caring at this point.

Trucy: Wow, Polly. This fic has really gotten to you.

Edgeworth: It's gotten to all of us, Trucy.



Phoenix: ...that's not a thing.

Edgeworth: Also, a fork? Where did that come from?



Apollo: That's...not how it works.

Trucy: Yet another thing that doesn't work in this story.



Phoenix: Oh good. The inevitable confrontation that will probably result in John somehow being able to survive.

Edgeworth: At least there's only one chapter left.

Apollo: But that's not even...never mind! Let's just keep going!



Phoenix: Oh thank you. He says what we're all thinking!

Edgeworth: Now if only that would actually happen.



All: BOOOOOOO!

Phoenix: Also, I think the case isn't that important right now.



Apollo: Sorry, Mr. Edgeworth. Looks like fic-you wasn't actually smart after all.

Edgeworth: I'm so upset at that. Clearly.



Phoenix: One, no you didn't. Two, what kind of plan is that?

Trucy: A terrible one.



Phoenix: That's quite the concern coming from fic-Mia.

Edgeworth: And something tells me that John wouldn't care much about that.



All: ...

Speakers: ...let's just move on.



Apollo: Um...no.

Trucy: That's a whole lotta no.



Phoenix: Wait, the pro wrestler client from the beginning?

Edgeworth: Also, what the heck is this?



Apollo: Because THAT'S what this fic needed. MORE CANNIBALISM!



Phoenix: Um...shouldn't the prosecutor proving to be a forger warrant a retrial for him?



Apollo: And we're glad the fic is almost done.



Phoenix: At least fic-me gets a little bit of acknowledgement.

Trucy: That wasn't much.



All: ...

Edgeworth: Okay, fic. How is this supposed to be the best course of action?



All: ...

[Everyone proceeds to start banging their heads against the seats in front of them.]



Edgeworth: That logic is so terrible I think we should just move on.

Everyone else: Agreed.



Phoenix: Way to retcon this crap!



Apollo: This was entirely necessary.



Edgeworth: This was just lazy, even for this author's standards.

Phoenix: I just want this to end.



Apollo: Oh come on! I thought I was free from my dignity being shattered by this story!

Phoenix: We're never free from this story.



Apollo: Oh good. Because we really needed that.

Trucy: Also, can we really call her alive if her soul is trapped in a bullet?



Edgeworth: Wait...what is this story talking about?



Phoenix: ...excuse me? Prosecutor Layton? Charlie Lawrence? What is this supposed to be?

Apollo: No idea.



Edgeworth: ...what? The real Buddy Johnson?

Apollo: Is this building up to something?



Apollo: Wait...are they saying we're gonna get more of this?

Trucy: I think so.

Apollo: NOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY DO WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS SOME MORE?!

Apollo: Oooh, I'm on the edge of my seat. *rolls eyes*

Trucy: Me too! What do you think's going to happen, daddy?

Phoenix: Heh, I don't know, Trucy. Let's just keep reading to find out.

Apollo: Sigh…



Phoenix: Woah, way to go, fic-me! Usually that's Apollo's trademark.

Apollo: Hey, that was literally only twice out of all this time that you've known me! It's not my "trademark!"

Trucy: Hmmm, but it's kind of a cool trademark? After all, if you're willing to just go up to strangers and punch them in the face, then you must be pretty fearless!

Apollo: F-Fearless? Hmmm, I actually like the sound of that…

Trucy: …Until I remember how pale you get when you think about heights, hehe.

Apollo: …Way to ruin my coolness, Trucy.



Phoenix: I'm not too sure about that. I don't think some silly bracelet is really worth risking out lives over.

Apollo: Agreed.

Trucy: Also fic-Polly is kind of dumb here. What if something bad happens to him and daddy? How are Micki and I going to get out of the warehouse if there's no one to remove the wooden plank from the doors?

Apollo: Yeah, that was really dumb of fic-me.



Everyone: Agreed.



Phoenix: I mean, we're probably not dead yet, Apollo just locked the door a second ago. I'm pretty sure we're smart enough to hold our own for at least a few minutes.

Apollo: Yeah, but fic-Trucy is the only character so far who has some sense here. Mr. Wright and I are just being reckless over some dumb bracelet for some girl we barely even know.



Phoenix: Wow, apparently Micki is really good at comforting people, because after just one hug Trucy seems to forget that we could be dead.

Apollo: Yeah, Trucy, I thought you cared.

Trucy: Aww, but I do! See, fic-me is just trusting you guys to take down James!

Apollo: …Well, that's actually in your character…

Trucy: See! You guys should trust me, too!



Apollo: Oh good, let's see if this rabbit was really worth all the trouble.

Phoenix: I really don't think so, Apollo…



Trucy: Wait, why did Micki extend my arm for me? Couldn't I do it myself?

Phoenix: Hahaha, you know how these fics are, Trucy. The perfect character insert has to do everything, even things the other characters are supposed to do!

Trucy: Aw, but that's no fun!



Apollo: Just like last time, I find it so funny how in these bad situations, everyone is more worried about new fashion accessories.

Trucy: I mean, we did go through all this trouble for it. We might as well admire it when we have the chance, I guess.



Apollo: I'm curious to see how you guys are going to do that, since idiot fic-me blocked the door from the outside. Now that I think about it, that's even more idiotic than I first thought. If James wanted to get to you, all he has to do is remove the wood I put there.

Trucy: *pats Apollo on the back* There there, Polly, I know you were just panicked and did the first thing you thought would help. It's not your fault that fic-you's first thought was something dumb.

Apollo: Not really changing my opinion there, Trucy…



Phoenix: So what were Trucy and Micki doing for those seven minutes? Just sitting there and staring at the door, doing nothing but breathing?

Apollo: …That's a weird question, Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: *shrugs* I can't help but think about that every time I read about something similar. Seven minutes is a long time, after all.



Trucy: Wow, look at the power of this convenient saw lying right there! If that wasn't there, Micki and I would be trapped in there until the end of time! Isn't that just amazing!?

Apollo: That reminds me of this game I played once that had a self-aware running gag where when the main character was in bad situations, he would randomly yell "Just what I need!" and run over to a box labeled "just what you need."

Trucy: Hahaha, I like that! At least they were smart enough to make it self aware. Can we have that in our games?

Phoenix: Hahaha, that's nice, but I don't think so.

Trucy: Aww…

[Micki and Trucy manage to saw the wood in half through the crack between the doors.]



Phoenix: P-Puddles? Everywhere? Well that's it, we're dead.

Apollo: Aw, couldn't we at least die in a cooler way?

Trucy: Hmm, well if there actually were big puddles, then you guys should be dead. But I bet you two are going to live with nothing more than a few scratches!

Apollo: …You're probably right.



Trucy: Hey, that's right! If James really wanted the charm, why didn't he come after me and Micki after dealing with you guys?

Apollo: Meh, plot convenience. In any case, do you canonically have a cell phone, Trucy?

Trucy: Hmmm, I don't know. Why wouldn't I?

Apollo: Well, the games seem to like to push the fact that Mr. Wright is always broke… and he still has a Nokia cellphone from like, 2003.

Phoenix: …I'm pretty sure the Nokia phone is just a running gag at this point, hahaha.



Phoenix: Hey, thanks for caring, Trucy.

Trucy: Of course! You can rely on me, Daddy!



Trucy: I wonder why Prosecutor Gavin is calling me?

Apollo: Watch him be the next person who needs to find a charm.

Trucy: But what about you?

Phoenix: Since the author seems to be pushing Apollo as the love interest, he'll probably be saved for last.

Apollo: *grumble* I don't want to be the love interest…

[The nurse appears, and after saying that Phoenix and Apollo will make a full recovery, she allows Micki and Trucy to visit.]



Phoenix: What? Why is the nurse entrusting two strangers to do her job for her? That sounds like some sort of violation.

Apollo: Hmm, want to sue?

Phoenix: No thanks, I've never dealt with a civil case like that.

Apollo: …Right. Just wait until you meet Paul Atishon…

Phoenix: …Who? That sounds like a dumb name.

Apollo: Tell me about it.



Phoenix: Ah yes, hair jokes. But to answer the question, *runs hand over hair* my hair is completely natural. No hair gel here!

Trucy: Unlike Polly, right? Hahaha!

Apollo: …



Apollo: Just like any other bracelet.

Trucy: …But doesn't it respond to your body heat and tighten up so it will always fit snug?

Apollo: …What? You have some really strange ideas, Trucy.

Speakers: Actually, I was always under the same impression. How else would it let you know to use your perceive ability?

Apollo: Really? Well in that case, I guess it expands when it feels the heat while I push it through my hand? I don't know, I've never really thought about it. I just take it off.



Phoenix: Well, I can! Once this is over we'll use the teleporter and I'll go back to my time.

Speakers: Wait, so I’m TEN in this?

Edgeworth: That actually explains a lot of the bad cooking.

Speakers: I’ll have you know I try my hardest, Mr. Edgeworth!

Phoenix: I mean, this is ten-year-old fic-you. Sorry Trucy, but I have to side with Edgeworth on this one.

Franziska: At least this fool isn’t fantasizing about me anymore.

Quote:

"Oh, you did? That's great." I looked down at my plate of pancakes. Huh. They did look pretty normal. I cut a piece off with my fork, and took a bite. It was terrible. I choked, and Phoenix glared at me. "Can you get me a glass of water, Trucy? These pancakes are so good, I let them go down the wrong pipe."

Larry: Those pancakes must’ve been very bad if I choked on them. And as you know, I eat just about anything.

Edgeworth: Even if it was something highly toxic?

Larry: Erm...maybe not everything…

Phoenix: Speaking of, Trucy doesn’t usually make anything “terrible”.

Franziska: Also speaking of, a person should never lie about their true feelings, not even if their father was perfect. You’re a scoundrel, Larry Butz and Phoenix Wright!

*crack, crack*

Larry & Phoenix: AUUUUUUUUGH!

Quote:

"I knew that they'd be yummy! I added a whole bottle of vanilla!"
"Trucy loves her vanilla," Phoenix added.

Phoenix: Especially with her pudding cups.

Edgeworth: Why would she add that much vanilla? I thought she did all the cooking for you two.

Speakers: That’s because fic-me doesn’t have common sense.

Quote:

"So, Daddy, what are we going to do today?" the little demon asked.

Phoenix: Why you little-!

Edgeworth: Calm down. It’s just fiction.

Larry: Well, if someone added a whole bottle of vanilla to my pancakes, I’d call them demons too.

Phoenix: …Why you little-!

Edgeworth: Calm down. It’s just Larry.

Quote:

"Oh, well Edgeworth and Franziska are going off on an another Interpol mission today. They'll be leaving soon. We're going to the airport to see them go."
"They're leaving again? How long are they gonna be gone?" I asked.
"They didn't say. Anywhere from a month to a year," Phoenix replied, choking down a pancake with a smile.

Franziska: At least we’re doing honest work, unlike this man right here.

Phoenix: H-hey!

Larry: Interpol mission? I think I was involved in one of those…

Edgeworth: Yes, and you thought Santa was real during one.

Larry: No one told me he wasn’t real!

Edgeworth: Did you forget how to use your brain?

Quote:

"Aww, but Mr. Edgeworth is so much fun!" Trucy whined.
"You have an interesting definition of fun, kid," I replied.
"So Larry, you're coming with, aren't you?" Phoenix asked.
"Of course, Nick! What kind of friend do you think I am?!"
"I plead the fifth," he retorted.

Phoenix: Not a spectacular friend, to be honest.

Larry: What?! I’m obviously the best friend anyone could have! Back me up, Edgey!

Edgeworth: …

Larry: *sniff* Is this what you guys think of me? *sniff* W-well, I’m cutting off all contact!

Franziska: If you really want to be a good friend, then leave behind your cowardly ways, you simpleton!

*crack*

Larry: OWWWWWWW!

Quote:

"What's the fifth?" Trucy asked.
"It's the right to remain silent," Phoenix replied.
"Oh." She stuffed a pancake in her cheeks, and she strongly resembled a chipmunk.

Speakers: I already know the fifth! Daddy taught me in one of his interesting yet boring lectures about law!

Quote:

"So, we should get going," Phoenix said eventually.
"But you guys only had one pancake!" Trucy grumbled.
"I'm not very hungry," I replied. "But they were very good." She glared at me.
"You're lying."

Larry: Huh? What makes you say that?

Quote:

"Huh? What makes you say that?"

All: …

Larry: I-Is this fic watching me?

Edgeworth: It’s merely a coincidence.

Quote:

"Your right eye twitches whenever you lie. Plus, my pancakes tasted gross," she smirked.
"Nick! What's up with your kid?! I don't twitch my eye when I lie! And I wasn't lying!"
"Hee hee, your eye twitched again." Trucy grinned innocently.
"Trucy's got a built in lie detector. She's pretty good at finding these kinds of things," Phoenix added.

Phoenix: Ha ha, yeah. I’m so proud of my Trucy!

Speakers: Heh heh. Thanks Daddy!

Larry: H-H-Hey Nick, a-am I really twitching that m-much?

Franziska: You don’t need to ask him to know that you’re shaking violently.

Quote:

"Daddy, you should get us McDonald's on the way to the airport," Trucy said.
"I agree."

Speakers: Huh? But I thought we'd already eaten my “terrible” pancakes. Why’d we need to buy more food?

Phoenix: The fic did say you, Larry, and I ate one pancake each. Maybe we’re hungry?

Speakers: If we wanted McDonald’s, why cook in the first place?

Phoenix: Well, um…

Edgeworth: Give it up, Wright. Logic doesn’t exist in fanfiction.

Quote:

(O)
After getting two McMuffins and a happy meal ("But Daddy! You never get me happy meals! How am I supposed to be happy if I never get to eat a happy meal?!"), we had arrived at the airport.

Larry: Well duh, getting a happy meal = happy. It’s in the name!

Quote:

I saw Franziska in the distance, next to Edgeworth. I'd give just about anything to trade places with him, just to be by her side. He didn't know what he had.

Phoenix: Oh yeah. I’ve almost forgotten that Larry’s the centerpiece of this fic.

Franziska: Hrngh! Foolish fool!

*crack*

Larry: AUGH! I didn’t say anything!

Franziska: Fic-you did, and you’re the closest thing to him!

Quote:

"Mr. Edgey! Miss Franzy!" Trucy ran up to them, and hugged Edgeworth's leg. He looked down at her awkwardly, and patted her on the head.

Edgeworth: *sigh* If this ever happens, please train her not to do this.

Speakers: I’m no dog, Mr. Edgeworth!

Quote:

Me and Phoenix walked up to them a moment later, and Franziska was threatening the little girl with her whip.
"Ooh! Miss Franzy, can I try?"
"My name is NOT Franzy. And no, you'll get yourself killed."
"Please? Miss Franziska?" Franziska glanced at me.

Franziska: Killed? With my whip? I dare not to kill anyone and splatter blood all over this.

Phoenix: So you would kill anyone as long as it’s not your whip?

Franziska: That’s not what I’m implying, Phoenix Wright!

Edgeworth: Is everyone going to gloss over the fact that a grown woman threatened a little girl?

Quote:

"You're only allowed to hit him and your father." She handed Trucy the whip, and she immediately started whirling it around. Phoenix snatched it out of the air with one hand, causing the spinning Trucy to fall over.

Phoenix: (Of course the only condition is to only hit me and Larry. Of course.)

Larry: Woah Nick! How’d you catch that thing with one hand?! You’re like the second person who could ever do that!

Phoenix: The power of a sensible dad, perhaps?

Quote:

"No weapons in the airport, Trucy."
"Then how come Miss Franziska gets to play with it?" she whined.
"She's a member of the police force, so she has special privileges."

Edgeworth: Just because you’re part of the police force does not mean you can whip whoever and whenever.

Franziska: What’s that, little brother?

Edgeworth: All I am saying is, you don’t have the right to that much freedom, Franziska.

Quote:

"How can I get special privileges?" Trucy whined.
"Stop spinning weapons around," Franziska retorted. "Then you might have a chance."
"What's the point of having weapons if you can't use them?" she complained.

Speakers: They make it sound like I’m some war criminal!

Phoenix: Well you do catch criminals with Apollo, that’s for sure.

Edgeworth: On a side note, please don’t let your daughter near weapons as well.

Speakers: A bit too late for that…

Edgeworth: Wright!

Phoenix: I may or may not know about that…

Quote:

"Franziska, our plane is about to leave," Edgeworth interrupted. Trucy looked up at him, and glared evilly. She pulled off his cravat, and ran. Edgeworth and Phoenix followed, shouting.

Edgeworth: NGHOOOOOOOOOOH!

Franziska: Looks like your foolish excuse of a cravat was taken. That was truly a blessing in disguise.

Phoenix: Trucy, what did I say about taking other people’s stuff, and glaring at them evilly?

Speakers: Not to steal, and to put on a smile. I know, Daddy.

Edgeworth: (She’s done this more than once?! Just what kind of child is Wright raising?)

Quote:

"That foolish fool, foolishly raising a foolish fool of a foolish child," Franziska huffed. "Well, I am taking my seat on the plane." She turned and began walking away.
"Wait! Franziska!" I called, running up to her.
"What is it? I have a plane to catch." Her blue-gray eyes pierced through mine, and I knew there was only one thing that I could do.

Larry: Am I…?

Phoenix: Are you…?

Edgeworth: Will he…?

Franziska: Surely not? Otherwise…

Quote:

"Forgive me."
"What? Wh-oomph!" I crashed my lips into hers, for a single moment. When she shoved me away, she began whipping me until I passed out. I probably deserved it.

Franziska: *enraged* LARRY BUTZ!

Larry: Huh?

*crack*

Larry: OW!

Franziska: You will NEVER…

*crack*

Franziska: …kiss me…

*crack*

Franziska: …even if you dream of it…!

*crack*

Larry: OWEWOWOWOWOOW!

Quote:

I dreamed of her, of course.

Franziska: And one more for good measure!

*whipping frenzy ensues*

[Larry lays on the floor unconscious. Alongside him are his many whip marks imprinted on his skin.]

Phoenix & Edgeworth: …

Phoenix: Management! Call an ambulance!

Speakers: Daddy, I am the Management!

Phoenix: Oh.

Edgeworth: Well then, please hurry and find a module that sends an ambulance!

Speakers: Alright, I’m trying! I’m trying! …Found it! They should be here any second now…

[An ambulance is immediately rushed on the scene and takes Larry away. Phoenix is talking with a nearby paramedic.]

Phoenix: Will he be fine?

Paramedic: The lashes aren’t too deep to cause life-threatening issues. He should be patched up and ready to go in a few weeks.

Phoenix: Oh thank goodness.

[All the medical officers and paramedics leave the scene.]

Phoenix: I take it as a rewritten fiction from Alice in the Wonderland.

Edgeworth: Magical land of pure logic and critical thinking? That’s interesting. But you know these two things is very abstract, least to no possible to exist as a physical or concrete object. I hope he describes it in detail.

Trucy: Wow! Never know I got to be featured. This needed to be interesting.

Phoenix: Are we talking about that same guy?

Management: From our research, yes. In his profile, he also admits to being the alt of Kumar Timalsina and Mr. Good Writer.

Phoenix: Despite that, I can’t earn a pity.



Phoenix: ........

Edgeworth: ........

Trucy: Hey, did you really love my mommy? And same time, love Lamiroir? Wait, is the story made us to choose is it my Mommy or Lamiroir that my Daddy love?

Management: The Management highly encourage Ms. Wright to..... wait

Trucy: And wait, how come my mommy and Lamiroir are the same...

Phoenix: NEXT!



Edgeworth: If you’re thinking that I have the authority to enter the prison and allow myself to physically torture the criminal, you’re wrong. And also, I don’t know how to begin spotting every misspelling and missing punctuation.

Trucy: Also, I’m an 8-year-old kid who knows how to earn money. I’m nowhere on being a baby.

Phoenix: But you know what’s it like if you get the sweets from the compartment.

Trucy: Daddy!



Miles: I only considered Manfred von Karma as my mentor. I never once called him father or perhaps considered him as an adoptive father.

Phoenix: Gee. That’s a bit... off when von Karma calls you “son” despite you torture him. Or considering how everything occurs way back when you’re the defendant.



Edgeworth: If I have a chance to teach this author, it would all be about the importance of proof checking.

Phoenix: Honestly, I rarely see you editing one’s fiction rather than just spotting.

Edgeworth: That would be too easy for the writer. And very too easy since we have grammar checking application in the internet like Grammarly and...

Management: The Management encourage Mr. Edgeworth to not advertise on any website or software. Since I’m poor, I said highly recommended to that.



Trucy: Eggword! HAHAHAHAHHA

Edgeworth: This guy creates more variants of names than the COVID-19 variants.

Management: The Management highly encourage Mr. Edgeworth to not make references in a real-world scenario.



Edgeworth: Uhhh. There is a difference between fictional and non-fictional writing. That’s why there is something and there is not something to possibly happen in real-life. This fic-me is so too objective when it comes to writing.

Management: Hmm. Considering the Ace Attorney is all about spirit channeling, magical magatama, psyche-lock, and even its law system is very different from the real-life counterpart? Should these possibly happen in real-life?

Edgeworth: GAH! (My truth meter!)

Phoenix: So, that's why Mr. Edgeworth sucks in being a child caretaker.

Edgeworth: ARGH! (Great, Mr. Wright-o)



Edgeworth: Actually, if you don’t know, there are something we learn from Alice and the Wonderland.

Phoenix: Oh, name it.

Edgeworth: First, curiosity and then taking risk creates more adventure. Second, it is crucial to know really who you are. Third, keep growing and changing.

Phoenix: I guess this is a book suggested to read ... for the author.



Phoenix: Heh, Edgeworthland.

Management: You don’t know what would be if it is Wrightland, the land of bluff and turnabout.

Edgeworth: GAH! Please don’t give this author a good idea, please.



Trucy: So, we’re actually reading a story which basically reading a story.

Edgeworth: Yeah, so?

Trucy: Considering it’s a sporking fic, it’s now a story reading a story that reads the story.

Phoenix: ...

Management: The Management highly encourage Ms. Wright to not repeat the joke from the other sporking fiction and to not break the fourth screen obviously.

Trucy: NOT FAIR!



Phoenix: That settles. This fic and that author always hate me. If that wasn’t the proof that this is the same author, I don’t know what is. And also, can you imagine I have to earn money in a criminal underground to take care Trucy?

Trucy: Look how they hate my Mommy. Flash news for you, author, she's dead, not something I wish.

Edgeworth: (Sorry for that. Thalassa is alive by the way)



Trucy: Lucky as I and this fic-me have the same mindset. Also, I have you know that my room is not akin to a prison cell.

Edgeworth: Also, considering the context, saying this statement “Don't fret, child, it's merely a story. It's not reflective of how things are in real life, but rather how they should be.” encourages that it is okay to have illogicality (eg. plot hole) or have OOC.

Phoenix: I guess he meant by it’s okay to read a story that has an unreal element in it. I mean that’s how fictional stories work but still, fic-Edgeworth goes to rant about how unreal the character is in a fictional story. It goes, without saying, contradicting.



Phoenix: Also, I guess it’s time to utilize a section line or chapter that would separate the real portion from the imaginary portion because saying Trucy in real life and fake story Trucy could start a confusion.

Trucy: Oh wait, does Mr. Edgeworth has a dog?

Management: Yes and no. From our research, shown in Gyakuten Saiban Fanbook, there is an idea that Mr. Edgeworth owns a very large dog named Pess which he loves but never got in the production phase. Also, in an anime adaptation, his family also owns a Pomeranian breed dog named Missile but that was until the incident, it was later owned by von Karma.

Miles: Hmm. That's why it makes familiar.




Edgeworth: Oh my. Gumshoe has joined the chat.

Phoenix: It’s weird to see him in jester outfit, no less.



Phoenix: SEE, WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

Trucy: Please, Daddy, tell me that my Mommy is not bad.

Phoenix: No, sweetie. Mommy is not bad that author wants you think. Hey, at least, Mr. Edgeworth was treated as not villain.

Edgeworth: Excuse me, but one who needed to be rescued.



Edgeworth: Also, I don't know how these two transforms the world into "not-logical". What is a world without logical scenario?

Trucy: Oh, maybe the gravity disappears, the single person can be in two different location, or a victim without gunshot wound was killed by a gun.

Phoenix: Gee, you know the concept about killing by falling, alibi, and murder weapon.

Miles: (This girl getting smarter every now and then.)



Phoenix: A tree that grows evidence. That's interesting but bizarre-sounding. Gee, what's it look like?

Trucy: Daddy, it's like a tree. Imagine it grows evidence like a knife, cellphone, past case files, and autopsy report. It's lucky that these last two is well... paper, thus, made out from the tree.

Phoenix: ...



Edgeworth: And we still don’t know what Edgeworthland can be described as.

Trucy: Is it more like Roman Colosseum-land, Philosopher-land, an enchanted land with logic power thingy, or a Modern-Science land or is just similar to Alice in the Wonderland?

Phoenix: I doubt the author has to establish that.



Edgeworth: Again, we’re in the story, not a chat. And please don’t tell me that acronyms are the future of creative writing.

Phoenix: Well, this story takes a turn.



Edgeworth: “Made of yellow” is a bit misleading. Yellow is not a substance or object that produced a newer substance. Color is something that describes but is not made of. Can you imagine if I say I’m made out of brown because I’m a human being?

Phoenix: “Made of gold” can be a correctly sounding because gold, is like...a substance?

Edgeworth: Yes but close, it’s an element. (Please, study chemistry)



Phoenix: This is not logic. It is more like common sense. I would’ve already know just by looking at the first paragraph.

Edgeworth: Hmm. I know people said that lying is bad but it can be good or okay in a some situation. For example, if I ask you where is your daughter so I’m going to kill her, can you tell me the truth or lie?

Trucy: Hey, that’s rude!

Edgeworth: Again, lying in this situation can be a form of deceit.

Phoenix: It seems you’re like convincing people, even the witness, that it is okay to lie.

Edgeworth: Not my intention, Mr. Wright. We are still holding your secret. Don't make me convince otherwise.

Trucy: Oh, Mr. Edgeworth, what’s that secret?

Phoenix: We’re forgetting that conversation.



Edgeworth: Statistically speaking, I don’t think that’s 50/50 if that two doesn’t randomly choose or it was so easy that you only use common sense to enact this situation. It’s more like choosing which is a drink: a omelette or grape juice?

Phoenix: I know people confuse me drinking me alcohol but it’s just grape juice.



Phoenix: The Judge has joined the chat.



Edgeworth: Ah, the process of elimination! The wonders of logic. It is where you exclude every improbable choices to get closer in choosing the correct option. Of course, if they find the correct option first, they have to test by proving if any remaining choices are improbable. That is the idea of choosing who is the culprit from the 5 suspects. Only one is guilty and the rest is innocent unless an accomplice were to be involved and...



Edgeworth: WHAT IN THE IMBECILE? AM I READING THAT RIGHT? HE’S BURNING THE INNOCENT IN ORDER TO CATCH THE GUILTY. THE PROCESS OF ELIMINATION DOESN'T MEAN ELIMINATING EVERYONE BUT ONE TO REACH THE RESULT.

Phoenix: Great. You’re going with Apollo Justice-sound level...

Trucy: With Ema-Skye-blood level.

Management: And Franziska von Karma-violence level.

Edgeworth: (glare)

Management: (gulp)



Trucy: Coveting his [*****] HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Phoenix: Watch your mouth.

Management: The Management highly encourage Ms. Wright to maintain a family-friendly environment in sporking session.

Edgeworth: Is three days of jail time is fair to more than one life being killed in this story? Ngooooh...



Phoenix: Oh great, the Badge with Powers cliché intensifies. In the past, a fic-Wright’s badge that gives power to John Phoenix. Then now, a Junior Judge badge which gave you more...food.

Trucy: Wow, what’s going to be in the next story? A badge that automatically gives you to fly. A badge that silences everyone's voices.

Edgeworth: Again, don’t give this author a good idea.



Phoenix: Now, the janitor is going to be in this story.



Trucy: Just in..that the janitor is a, under without any circumstances, 100% dumb.

Edgeworth: Wait, if the dove has the strength to open the door and communicate with any human, would it be a sense that the dove to tell every civilian or assist Edgeworth escaping from the castle?

Phoenix: You’re very too objective for a children's novel. This story should have a “saving the princess” situation...

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: Or “save the king”

Edgeworth: I’m no princess, gratitude appreciated.



Trucy: OH MY IN THE WORLD OF MAGICAL PANTIES!!

[Phoenix covers Trucy’ eyes]

Phoenix: What in the world?

Edgeworth: NNNNGGGOOOOOHHHH!



Edgeworth: Your feet has been chopped. CHOPPED!

Phoenix: What’s next? I, Phoenix, were stereotyped as a idiotic lawyer who depend on luck and bluffing. Then Maya were stereotyped as a gluttonous burger-loving teenager girl or a witch. Now, Gumshoe was stereotyped as a big lug who feels no pain. No, I’m not only blaming the author, it’s really anyone.



Phoenix: Nailed the amputated foot back in the leg...Ripping out Gumshoe’s bloody nipple. Is there anything that doesn’t gets much worse?



Phoenix: I can take it as no. Next slide, please.

Edgeworth: This is supposed to be a children's novel but this one involves blood.


Phoenix: Will Powers is a bit gentle, kind, and naive, so, the opposite of his fierce and muscular figure. It's too weird seeing him, more or less, a leader of the bandit.

Edgeworth: Ok. I guess it’s preferable if Gumshoe says to Powers to stop crying, not to stop talking.

Phoenix: Still, we don’t know what her daughter looked like. Chances are that this will be thrown out into irrelevant to this story.

Edgeworth: Also, epiphany doesn’t work like this.






Trucy: (snickers)

Edgeworth: Whether it’s intentional or misspelling, I don’t need to know.



Edgeworth: What a great cause. Sacrificing a person for a person.

Pheonix: Any Person? The naming gets familiar in the case of Luke Atmey, Will Powers, or ...

Edgeworth: We are not having that conversation.



Edgeworth: Considering you have a badge that gives you food, logically assuming that has no limitation to how much, probably I would make a contraption made out of food. Any ideas?

Phoenix: Uhh. Build a chocolate bridge?

Trucy: Make a fudge cake rowing boat or a spaghetti helicopter? Oh, wow! What a classic food engineering.

Management: I have you know that food engineering is about designing and manufacturing food product, not making contraptions out of food.



Edgeworth: Or maybe just communicate the dove and do the work.

Phoenix: Hey, you leave us out with your first option.

Edgeworth: Occam’s razor, Mr. Wright. Occam’s razor.



Trucy: Yay. We won. It leaves to our option as correct, Daddy.

Edgeworth: Okay. That would be fair.



Edgeworth and Phoenix: Wait, what?

Trucy: That’s not right. How come we have the badge that basically provides us food but it can give us ax.

Management: Uhh. There might be an explanation but I’m not sure about that.




Trucy: So, the food wishing is just one of the magical properties.

Edgeworth: Still, the story never addresses why they never mention the ability of weapon wishing. Or anything that the badge has multiple magical properties.



Trucy: ARGH!!

[Phoenix cover Trucy's eye]

Edgeworth: Now, I’m going to pity Detective Gumshoe for this.

Phoenix: Enough to take back the salary cuts?

Edgeworth: We’re not having that conversation.



Trucy: Hey, if the dove can open the door, should it make sense if the dove can also operate the crank without the need of the hand?

Edgeworth: At this time, Detective Gumshoe would have died by blood loss.

Phoenix: Gee, when it comes to bad fiction, you always wish for the death of the character to escape from having its dignity sullied.

Edgeworth: Truthfully, I’m not even denying it.



Trucy: (relief)

Phoenix: Well, at least, we’re not going to forcefully watch the amputated arm being nailed back to its body.



Trucy: Why there isn’t any guard?

Edgeworth: While I don’t know why, I do know we can get out from this Theatre as earlier as possible.

Phoenix: At least there’s no anime-style fighting scene. I don’t want to go back with Phoenix Phoenix shenanigans.

Management: The Management highly encourage Mr. Wright...

Phoenix: To not reference other stories.

Management: To not give the author a good idea.

Phoenix: To not give the author a good idea.



Phoenix: Franziska has join the chat..oh. At least, she would not appear in that story.

Trucy: (smirked and bowed like Franziska)

Edgeworth: I used logic AND common sense. Thank you very much.

Phoenix: Well, it was easy because of the dove with human capability...and (food?) badge.



Phoenix: Here goes the plot armor and here goes the fic-me's contribution to this story.

Edgeworth: Well, the good thing that this story happens so far....depending on what you think.



Edgeworth: Considering that we are only armed with a food badge or well, a badge that gives you everything since the ax incident, maybe I can use a badge to wish a shield and sword.

Trucy: .....Oh, me? Maybe, use a badge to have a magic blocking shield and magical birdcage for the two.

Phoenix: If this author maintains the power of Trucy’s badge, I have to call a dove to do the work.



Edgeworth: (abruptly stands from his seat and walk out)

Phoenix: ...That's how you explain Deus ex machina.

Trucy: CPS? California Police Station?



Phoenix: If I read that right, it would be the Child Protection Services. This story should indicate what specifically is CPS. Maybe it would mean Consumer Product Safety since we have already that food badge shenanigans. Also, I don’t think the child would call CPS first, it should be the police department they are calling for.

Trucy: We are in the Edgeworthland, a copy version of Alice in the Wonderland. There is no police station.

Phoenix: And CPS. Maybe but why calling or even some sorts of technology exist in this era.



Edgeworth: So, I’m not hallucinating all along. WHY...SHOULD...THEY...NOT...CALL...THE...CPS...EARLIER? I mean if the CPS can defeat the two villains, why bother go into the adventure and sacrificing every person they met? Or considering fic-Lamiroir has a death ray power, how would CPS would defeat them?

Management: Death spell power and fic-Thalassa, you mean.

Edgeworth: Thank you, Mr. Management.

Trucy: Hmm. I wonder so.

Phoenix: (Save by the skin)



Trucy: Hey, father.

Edgeworth: Calling me that makes me more like a priest.

Management: The Management highly encourage that you should be happy that you were called a Daddy because many fans have a headcanon that you are Trucy’s adoptive daddy or maybe mommy.

Trucy: Oh, that’s so sweet.

Edgeworth: NEXT! SLIDE! PLEASE!

Phoenix: At least this story has something that the reader can agree upon. Maybe this outro is not bad after all, from the reader’s perspective.

Management: Except you’re in jail, thus, no longer a legally adopted parent.

Phoenix: Oh, that.



Phoenix: Oh my. Another “Bring back the character alive again” cliché, I would’ve expected that.

Edgeworth: Include common sense and problem-solving.

Trucy: Yay! I’m the princess of the world.



Edgeworth: What an uncreative way to make this style for the outro. A partner of a “dark and a stormy night”.



Edgeworth: Uh...not going to change that.

Phoenix: One way to interrupt a happy ending mood.

Trucy: At least I’m a princess now.



Trucy: Lucky that I have the same mindset as fic-Trucy.

Phoenix: Wow, you love being a princess, then one second later, here you are. You’re really a mood changer, Trucy.

Trucy: No, I’m not, Daddy!

Edgeworth: Honestly, I have a comment for that at the end of the sporking session.



Phoenix: See that?

Trucy: Hmm.

Edgeworth: Seeing that last statement, this Trucy would have the potentiality to start a World War 3.

Management: The Management has highly encourage Mr. Edgeworth to prevent any implicit reference to any real-life scenario.

Edgeworth: I don’t get it. Why is it necessary to have this scene of Trucy hating this story and fic-me grounding her? I mean it would make sense if a protagonist learns the story and tell their insight to the storyteller.

Phoenix: Meh. It makes sense since this story is bad due to plot holes, incorrect spelling and grammar, and also bit bloody to make it qualify as a children's novel. But it would not make sense if the author intentionally makes the story bad in order to get Trucy’s hate.



Phoenix: Nah, it’s boring, so does logic.

Edgeworth: If you don't always rely on bluff and belief, logic is not boring. And also, it would be better if it’s like this.



Edgeworth: Ah, the power of “show, don’t tell”.

Phoenix: But still you only add the statement but didn’t grammar check the whole.

Edgeworth: Again, I said it would be too easy for the author.




Trucy: Wow! The change of mood and environment.

Edgeworth: You gave this story too much credit.





Trucy: Ok, so in what position?

Phoenix: The position where he gets to be tortured but yes, still vague.

Edgeworth: It’s too bit out-of-character when Manfred von Karma accepts something like this.



Edgeworth: If that is Trucy in Edgeworthland, I’m going to say it’s torturuous.



Phoenix: Pfft. HAHAHAHAHAAHAH!

Edgeworth: So, you’re telling me about Miles in Von Karmaland?

Trucy: Oh, so it’s going to be a von Karmaland, the land of dignity and perfection. Miles, the protagonist, and his sidekick, Daddy, or called himself the Jester-Wright, would venture to save King von Karma from the villains like...wait, who’s Manfred von Karma’s rival by the way?

Edgeworth: NGOOOOHHHHHHH!!

---

CRIME RECONSTRUCTION:


Phoenix: Uhh...



Phoenix: Please, don’t give this story a sequel.



Phoenix: I said no...NO!

Trucy: Wait, I saw now the parallelism here. Like Trucy and his Daddy, being the villain. In that new story, Miles and his biological father, being the villain. While my Daddy’s rival is Mr. Edgeworth, probably Mr. von Karma’s rival is your father.

Edgeworth: Next, just next before anyone gets this idea! (Gee, how Trucy becomes smarter.)



Edgeworth: Thank goodness! How I never realized that this is the end of the story while ranting how going to be bad, is it? Is it, Mr. Wright?

Commentator:
Rating:



Ok, first of all. This story needs to be improved when it comes to spelling, grammar, and punctuation. There is no part of this story that would be spared from this mistake.

Second, the details. I mean, provide how you describe the “land of logic and critical thinking” or any location. Also, include the outfit of the character in the Edgeworthland story. Or else, this story would become unclear and vague.

Third, is the sense of the narrative. There is an existing plot hole like the CPS being the savior, the food badge, and the dove. How can you make sense of that?

Fourth, it needs improvement of the character in this story like fic-Edgeworth or fic-von Karma.

Fifth, if you intentionally make this story a children's novel, no blood or anything being chopped is involved. Who do you write it for?

But I know this story has potential for its idea.

Alright, I’m okay with the “land of logic and critical thinking” and the adventure and challenges that Trucy has faced.

But it needs a re-tweaking whole of this story.

However, if you don’t want to listen to my comment, probably I can say that the only thing that is good in this fiction I’m reading is without John Phoenix.

I know this is not the place to make a comment but I have to warn you especially if you are most sensitive for themes or someone wishing only for a safe internet environment. It includes themes like homosexuality, the Holocaust, Nazi, and American politics (e.g., Donald Trump) to which I never get the ounce of sense. Also, there will be explicit NSFW which includes random sex and rapes. There's more than that which I never have the mood to mention.

Well, you have signed our agreement, and don’t make me say, “I never warn you”. Ok, enough talk, let’s migrate to the new theatre as Trucy says, “live, suffer, die together. No, we are not doing the third one.

CHAPTER 1 (LIVE)
CHAPTER 2 (SUFFER) [IN PROGRESS...]
CHAPTER 3 (DIE) [IN PROGRESS...]

So, that would be the end of this discussion. However, you never need to worry about not taking this up because maybe you have made the right decision. Also, there are still any stories other than that I can spork.

Edgeworth: Hmph. Savior.

Trucy: It seems their universe has their existing religion namely Johnnism.

Edgeworth: If their Christmas is about worshipping their Gary-Stu OC, please don't call it Christmas for sanity.

Trucy: Call it Johnmas.

Edgeworth: Duly noted.



Trucy: Logically speaking, this should have occurred on December 25 because before that date is not Christmas, if that's what my father tries to argue in court.

Edgeworth: Your father has a twisted view of Christmas dates.

Management: The Management encourages Sporkers to refrain from making any "almost Christmas" what-not shenanigans.


Edgeworth: I have something to say for this statement.

Trucy: What was it?

Edgeworth: Can you refrain from mentioning "there" multiple times? Also, please give the story a more Christmassy description rather than just a Christmas tree, present, or candy cane. Describe the Christmas tree, and describe the present. This is a party, is it not? Describe what is the meal. Describe the partygoer. Add the decoration and whatnot. Something that shouldn't restrict to visuals. What do you hear and smell at the party?

Trucy: That's a good point, Mr. Edgeworth. I mean, despite it being boring, there is nothing I saw blatantly wrong.



Trucy: Aah. Here we go.



Edgeworth: Now, I consider that this author hates trolls but that can be contradicting somehow.

Trucy: I can see it as a vengeance story but what is vengeance that was directed in Uno-reverse card style?



Trucy: Who? Me? Scared of Vile Troll? If I was, then what am I doing right now?

Edgeworth: Burned.

Management: The Management informs the Sporkers to kindly spork the fic, not the author. But again, if his egotistical insertion of the game renders him his understanding and interpretation of your thoughts, I don't see the problem.



Trucy: Back to this fic, I will suggest adding what vile troll did to the crews that made them get scared as adults. Be specific, if you really can.

Edgeworth: Also, what troll are we referring to? You have left out who is actually the Vile Troll and the description thereof. What was "they" like?

Trucy: It makes sense. The troll always reminds me of a mythological figure, not on the internet.



Edgeworth: I don't see if the coal actually made us scared. Coal is useful for anyone as it is a source of energy and electricity.

Trucy: Well, we don't have the chimney. This fic wants to make it as Christmassy as possible since integrating with coal and stuff is one of them.

Edgeworth: Well, logic should be one. As an adult, there is something that I have to worry about rather than just coal.



Edgeworth: Nrrggh!

Trucy: Gee, it doesn't mean you have to collate every canon December event for this Christmas fanfic, you know.



Edgeworth: Lance Takumi? Is this guy right now trying to impersonate a "son" of the creator?

Trucy: It's Christmas, Edgeworth. It's celebrating the son of the Creator.

Edgeworth: And "amazing man" sounds vague to me. Just like the Vile Troll, provide us with what Lance Takumi looks like. And no, being "popular" as you suggest doesn't mean you have to omit the description.



Trucy: Incel?

Edgeworth: These are the guy who is very unpopular so much so that they are unable to attract women sexually.

Trucy: So, is this fic's main point in the narrative that the author is not an incel?

Edgeworth: I'm not surprised if this fic going to be "revolved around the author or his self-insert character".



Edgeworth: Because of how egotistical he was, it's hard to picture this author crying.

Trucy: Have empathy, Mr. Edgeworth.



Edgeworth: Oh boy. Santa joins the chat.



Edgeworth: Well, if that's the case, then half of the Earth's population should go to the trial, which is very unfeasible to do it.

Trucy: But Mr. Edgeworth, all of John Phoenix's trials only lasts for a minute. That would make it feasible.

Edgeworth: That makes it more illogical.



Edgeworth: Wait, if the Vile Troll is the defendant for lying on Christmas Day, how come he is a prosecutor? Also, the judge doesn't say, "hey, okay, start". They will tell the prosecutor in his or her opening statement.



Edgeworth: With so many serious issues on hand, I felt hard to imagine the court is wasting time to debate whether this guy is an incel or not.

Trucy: Says the guy he calls that the "ladder" is not a stepladder.

Edgeworth: Trucy, no!



Edgeworth: Right, this could be interesting on what proof this author had sex.

Management: Well, my crime reconstruction would answer it.



Trucy: Gee. Edgeworth. Stop screaming. It’s just what-if anyway.



Edgeworth: …Uh. But. WHAT FACT? TELL ME SPECIFICALLY!



Trucy: So, this guy doesn't know about Christmas. Come on, never be a caveman and be with the trend, you know.



Trucy: Oh no, not my mom being a harem to this guy. I don't want this guy to be my father. EW!



Trucy: Noppity-nope.



Edgeworth: Oh no. You're not going to sully Ms. Skye on this one, are you?

Trucy: Can you expand on how he is a special Christmas boy? Some speech perhaps would help me.



Edgeworth: I don't really like what I want to say. You should mention who these women are because not every reader is knowledgeable on this one. Or they are not going to waste their time researching for that.

Trucy: (grabs her phone from her pocket)

Edgeworth: Nope, you are not.

Trucy: (places her phone back in her pocket)



Edgeworth: Hmm. It seems our intuitions are wrong. Dakoolguy may be the defendant here.



Edgeworth: Wait, who's the defendant of this trial?



Edgeworth: Oh, wow. If lying will drag you to death row, then where are the 8 billion people now?



Edgeworth: That's a bad approach to breaking the fourth wall. What's the reason for doing that?

Trucy: Does Ace Attorney part 4 should be called simply Ace Attorney 4 or Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney? But, again, we’re talking about the same guy who wishes to put his name in every Ace Attorney game title.



Edgeworth: …

Trucy: Mr. Edg-

Edgeworth: Nope. That's our Christmas gift to him: not sporking on his dance. (Now, a dancing John Phoenix plays in my mind rent-free).



Edgeworth: Finally, the end of the 500-word fic.

Edgeworth: What the? What's Larry doing there?



Edgeworth: ... Phoenix Wright was not getting castrated in this story.

Trucy: Uhh… the value of being honest?



Edgeworth: Nope.

Trucy: Simply no.



Edgeworth:
Since you interrupted us with a Larry Butz storytelling cliche. Fortunately, I have to dodge you my criticism because it's Christmas but I want to ask...

WHERE IS THE THEME OF COMFORT?

WHAT MAKES THIS STORY APPRECIATE FAMILY VALUES?

WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS CHRISTMAS STORY?

All I saw is like "Hail John Phoenix, hail Dakoolguy, Dakoolguy has many wives/girlfriends, hurting trolls, non-sense trial"

Simply put, this is not a Christmas story. It is, in fact, a Johnmas story.

RATING:

Trucy: Well, the only good thing here is that the title is consistent with the story. That’s a fact.

Maya: "Even the author admits that this fic is lame! Maybe it won't be so bad if we lower our expectations?"

Edgeworth: "On the contrary, Ms. Fey, merely acknowledging the flaws does not excuse them."



Phoenix: "Of course you don't. But do you at least own a dictionary? Because I think we're going to need it."

Edgeworth: "Clearly. But even with a dictionary, this travesty will still be unreadable."



Edgeworth "Nrgggh!"

Phoenix: "Huh? 'Sh**taconish.' What does that even mean?"

Edgeworth: "Believe me Wright, you do NOT want to know."

Maya: "I have a bad feeling we're going to find out soon."



Phoenix: "Wait, wait, wait. Did I just read that right? MayaxManfred? MayaxPayne?! GregoryxEma?!? And... ManfredxMiles?!?!"

Maya: "Why am I in this? And why am I being paired with Manfred von Karma and Payne? Who even is Payne?"

Phoenix: "I think that's the name of a janitor at the Prosecutor's building, right Edgeworth?"

Edgeworth: "..."

Maya: "Umm, Mr. Edgeworth, are you ok?"

Edgeworth: visibly twitching "This... this is an abomination of everything sacred about writing. The mere thought of these abhorrent pairings is enough to ... I can't even finish that thought."

Speakers: "Please pay attention to the screen at all times, Mr. Edgeworth. You don't want to earn a punishment sporking now, do you?"

Edgeworth: "This already feels like a punishment sporking, and we haven't even gone past the author's notes."



Edgeworth: "Of course you would consider adding that pairing, of course."



Phoenix: "Please, no. No reviews. No continuation."

Maya: "She spelled 'continuing' wrong, but honestly, that’s the least of our worries right now."

Edgeworth: "Do I dare even ask if this was ever continued?"

Speakers: "Two more chapters were made after this one."

All: "UGH!"

Speakers: "Hey, don't be like that! We'll only be sporking the first chapter today. Unless you-"

All: "NO."



Maya: "Well, this author clearly has some… strong feelings about criticism."

Edgeworth: "Ironic. The very content of this 'crack' fic is enough to ignite flames of outrage."

Phoenix: "Maybe we can keep the flames metaphorical and not literal... Edgeworth?"



Phoenix: stifling a laugh "Manfred von Karma... a giddy school girl?"

Maya: giggling "And they really want to make sure we know how giddy he is. They used that word, like six times just now!"

Phoenix: "Perhaps I should have asked if the author owned a thesaurus as well. I need to show this writer that there are other words in the English language."

Edgeworth: "This is an affront to both language and logic. Manfred von Karma as a giddy school girl? This is a mockery of both language and character."



Phoenix: "Wait, so now Gregory Edgeworth is here, and he's best friends with Manfred? And Maya's a punk guy?"

Maya: "This is so confusing! Why am I suddenly a punk rockstar?"

Edgeworth: "This is a nonsensical juxtaposition of characters and roles. None of this makes any logical sense."

Phoenix: smirking "Maybe that's the point, Edgeworth. It's supposed to be a crackfic, after all."

Edgeworth: "Crackfic or not, this is utterly ridiculous. My father's character, nor Von Karma's would never engage in such frivolous conversations."



Phoenix: "I don't blame her for flinching. If von Karma smiled at me like that, I'd probably pass out."

Maya: "'Big relative'? Seriously? This is gold!"

Edgeworth: "Franziska would never refer to him in such an awkward manner. Nor would Von Karma ever be this... exuberant."



Maya: "So now Mr. Edgeworth's dad is related to my family? And Manfred has posters of me... as a punk rockstar... all over his walls?"

Phoenix: "It’s like a bad dream you can’t wake up from. Also, who says 'Oh em GEE' in real life?"

Edgeworth: "This entire conversation is absurd. My father and Von Karma speaking like... like teenage fangirls? It's incomprehensible."

Maya: playfully "Oh come on, Edgeworth, can't you just imagine Manfred with a wall of Maya posters?"

Edgeworth: "Absolutely not."



Phoenix: "He’s wearing a sailor fuku? And now he can fly? What is even happening here?"

Maya: giggling uncontrollably "Entrancing dead politicians? This is too much! I can't stop laughing! Is that what they interpreted spirit channeling as?"

Edgeworth: "Godzilla yawning voice? Entrancing dead politicians? Sailor Fuku? This... this isn’t even trying to make sense anymore."

Management: "As if this made any sense in the first place."

Edgeworth: *penalty* NGHOOOOOH! (One third of my bar...gone!)



Phoenix: "Aunt Oldbag syrup? And waffles towering to the ceiling? I'm not even going to comment about that part at the end."

Maya: "Manfred’s relationship with waffles is clearly something... special."



Maya: "I feel for you, Franny. I really do."

Edgeworth: "To think, her torment does not even come from the fanfiction itself but from the mere act of observing her 'big relative.'"

Phoenix: "At least this part is over. Let’s brace ourselves for what’s next."



Phoenix: "Did they just call Edgeworth a 'sh*tavictim'? This is going places I really don’t want to go."

Maya: covering her face "I think I’m going to be sick. This is wrong on so many levels."

Edgeworth: visibly uncomfortable "This... this is entirely inappropriate. I refuse to acknowledge this nonsense!"

Speakers: "Sporkers are to pay attention to the screen at all times."

Phoenix: "Well, maybe some of us would rather not be forced to watch this crap!"

Maya: "Yeah, I don’t want to be here anymore! Make it stop!"

Speakers: "Well, too bad! We don't like this fic either, but it's our duty to spork it."

Phoenix: ('Our'? But, you're the ones who chose to have this fic sporked!)



Phoenix: "‘Shackapartmenthomething’? That’s a new one."

Edgeworth: "I refuse to acknowledge that as part of my lexicon. And the less said about 'Freddy' being 'excited,' the better."

Maya: "I don’t know what’s scarier: the words themselves or the mental images they create."



Maya: "So... I'm a punk rockstar who gets hit on by Manfred von Karma? I don't know if I should be flattered or terrified. I think I’ll go with terrified."

Phoenix: "I didn’t need that mental image of von Karma blushing and twitching. Ever."

Edgeworth: "This depiction of von Karma is... it’s beyond parody. It’s as if someone set out to defile every aspect of his character."

Phoenix: "It’s like someone took the worst fanfiction tropes and mashed them together into a single, horrifying entity."



Phoenix: "Yeah, if I was in Mia's shoes I'd be questioning Maya's sanity as well."

Edgeworth: "It seems like Ms. Mia Fey is the only person in this fic acting reasonably."

Maya: Puffing out cheeks "Hey! I know I've done some stupid things before, but I wouldn't even think of dating Manfred von Karma! Yuck!"

Phoenix: "We're talking about fic-you, Maya." (Though I do sometimes question real-you's sanity as well...)



Maya: "Shoes and panda cookies? Is that what rockstars talk about these days?"



Phoenix: "Geez, you really don't have any taste in men, Maya."

Maya: "Whaaaat? I am nothing like that imposter on screen, Nick! I've never had the hots for Von Karma or the Steel Samurai!"

Phoenix: (Somehow, I doubt the latter.)



Phoenix: "Matt and Juan? Don't tell me they've turned into schoolgirls too!"

Maya: "And why would they be jealous of 'Manfred-chan'? Don't tell me they want to date me too!"

Edgeworth: rolling his eyes "I can’t imagine a scenario where anyone would envy Manfred von Karma for... dating Maya Fey."

Maya: "Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?"

Edgeworth: "That’s not what I—"

Phoenix: sternly "Watch what you say, Edgeworth."

Edgeworth: sighs deeply "I’ll be quiet."



Maya: giggling "I'm really getting into it, huh? 'Bamyuuun' and everything!"

Phoenix: "Skipping through flowery fields with hearts? This is like something out of a cheesy romance novel."



Phoenix: "Wow Maya, you really seem to be enjoying Manfred's hair!"

Maya: "Nope. No, no, no. I wouldn’t be doing that. Not in a million years."

Phoenix: laughing I'm just teasing, Maya!



Maya: laughing "'Fran Fran', really? And she's reading 'How to whip an older person'? That actually sounds like something that she'd do!"

Phoenix: "At least the author got Franziska's obsession with whips right, even if everything else is completely off."

Edgeworth: "I can’t decide what’s more disturbing: the nickname 'Fran Fran' or the fact that this entire interaction exists."



Phoenix: "Well, that’s ominous. But I’m pretty sure whatever it is, we don’t want to know."

Maya: "Can it get worse? I’m almost afraid to ask."

Edgeworth: "I shudder to think what else this fic has in store for us."



Phoenix: "What is even happening? This is like some bizarre soap opera on a very bad day."

Maya: "I’m falling in love with someone else? And Manfred is having a complete meltdown over it? This is just... weird."

Edgeworth: "The level of melodrama here is insufferable."



Phoenix: "Black leather? Guitar? This is like a bad music video from the 90s."

Maya: "Hey, I think I’d look pretty cool in black leather! But... yeah, this is still really weird."



Phoenix: "Payne? Really? And why is Manfred acting like a jealous schoolgirl?"

Maya: "Winston Payne... really? What did I do to deserve this?"

Phoenix: Once again, Mia proves to be the only sensible person in this fic."

Edgeworth: "This is a farce. A travesty of both character and plot. To pair Maya with someone like Winston Payne as a love interest is the final insult."



Phoenix:"'Angsty and emo'? What's next? Is Manfred von Karma going to try to write a sad, cringey poem in their diary?"

Edgeworth: "The sheer lack of respect for the characterization is astounding. My father and von Karma were not 'old chums.' And as for that... last part..."

Maya:"'Boygirlthingfriend'? Seriously? Why do they keep using that word? I mean, shipping is one thing, but this sounds like someone got a new toy delivered!"

Phoenix: "Gregory Edgeworth and Manfred von Karma, shopping buddies! "Hey, von Karma, I just got this new... thing... from Amazon!"

Edgeworth: "I assure you, my father was not in the habit of ordering 'boygirlthingfriends' online. This is utterly ridiculous."



Phoenix: "Gregory... dating Ema Skye?"

Maya: "This pairing makes no sense at all. It’s like the writer is pulling names out of a hat."

Edgeworth: "This is utterly ridiculous. Ema would never be involved with someone so much older, and my father would never engage in such behavior."

Phoenix: "Yeah, Ema was a baby when your father died! This pairing is just so weird."



Phoenix: "This is just getting creepier. Ema’s acting like she’s lost her mind."

Maya: "That smile is seriously creepy... I’m getting more and more uncomfortable."

Phoenix: "And Manfred is giving thumbs up for it? Though, I guess that kinda makes sense, as Von Karma was also giving a creepy smile earlier in the fic."

Maya: nervous laughter "They're the creepy smile twins! Hah hah..."



Phoenix: "She’s breaking pots and having a meltdown over someone not liking science?"

Edgeworth: "This is an affront to Ema's character. None of this has any grounding in reality or the games. Ema is a serious forensic scientist, not some unstable... thing.

Speakers: "The Management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth that breaking the fourth wall is against the sporking theater's guidelines."

Edgeworth: "Fine. I'll comply."



Phoenix: "Edgeworth, are you okay? This is getting really messed up."

Maya: worried "Yeah, this part with young Miles is seriously unsettling."

Edgeworth: visibly tense "I... I’m fine. Let’s just get through this."



Phoenix: "What!? No, this is going way too far! This is disgusting!"

Maya: "That’s... that’s not okay! How can someone write this and think it’s funny?"

Edgeworth: fuming "This is an abomination. It’s repulsive and unforgivable. I cannot—"

Speakers: "Edgeworth! Please try to contain yourself."

Edgeworth: seething "NO! This is beyond what anyone should tolerate. This... filth—"

Phoenix: (Geez, I don't think I've ever seen Edgeworth this angry before! I don't really blame him though...)

Edgeworth: To depict such vile intentions is unconscionable. I demand this travesty end immediately!"

Speakers: "Please remain seated, Mr. Edgeworth. We only have a couple more paragraphs until it ends."

Maya: "We can get through this, Mr. Edgeworth! Nick and I are here to support you!"

Edgeworth: deep breath "Alright, lets end this monstrosity."



Phoenix: covering his face "This is just wrong. So, so wrong."

Maya: "I feel like I need to take a shower after this. This is just... awful."

Edgeworth: "I cannot comprehend how anyone could think this is acceptable. This is truly the nadir of fanfiction."



All: "..."

Maya: "Is... is it over?"

(The lights turn back on, signaling the end of the sporking session.)

Phoenix: "I think that was one of the the worst things we've ever had to watch."

Maya: "How can someone even come up with something like that? It was just... sickening."

Phoenix: "The only thing off the top of my head that I can think that was worse than this was 'Stiff'."

Edgeworth: "This fic... it's an abomination. It offends every moral sensibility. The idea that someone would not only write such drivel but also be proud of it is beyond comprehension."

Phoenix: "I agree, Edgeworth. That part with you and Manfred... it was revolting. No one should have to see something like that."

Maya:"Are you okay, Mr. Edgeworth? That... must have been really hard for you."

Edgeworth: "Hard? It was intolerable. The mere suggestion that Von Karma would harbor such perverse thoughts is an insult to everything I know. And with my younger self, no less... it's repugnant."

Speakers: "Your discomfort is noted. But remember, sporkers, you are here to endure these fics, not to complain about them."

Phoenix: "Endure? We’ve just watched one of the most vile things ever written, and you expect us to just move on?"

Maya: "Yeah! How can you make us sit through something like that and then just expect us to be okay with it?"

Speakers: "Your job is to spork, not to just question the content. Consider it... a part of the challenge."

Edgeworth: "Challenge or not, there are limits to what should be tolerated. This fic crossed every line imaginable."

Phoenix: "I think we all need a break after that. I don't even want to think about what might be in the next chapter."

Speakers: "Actually, you all may not need to revisit this fic."

Edgeworth: "What do you implying?"

Speakers: "As you may know, this was my first ever time as a part of the 'Management' of this theater. My inexperience may lead to me making a few mistakes, choosing this fic for you to spork is perhaps one of them. However, that doesn't mean that this fic would be gone forever. I believe this would make an excellent punishment sporking, especially for you Miles."

Edgeworth: "Do not refer to me by my first name."

Speakers: "Anyway, I believe that you could consider this fic as a 'warm-up' of sorts. The next sporking could be a lot more tolerable than this one."

Maya: "Could? What do you mean by 'could'?"

Speakers: "I'm thinking of doing another 'special' in celebration of the AAI Collection being released. Though, I'm not sure if that will come to fruition."

Phoenix: "Oh no... Not another Kink Meme Special."

Speakers: "Actually, this won't be a Kink Meme Special. Apparently there's not many King Meme prompts for Investigations characters. This will just be a regular special focused on Investigations characters."

Maya: "A regular special? I don't think we've ever had a special not based on the kink meme!"

Phoenix: "Well, that's at least one good thing..."

Edgeworth: sighs "I assume this means that I will be present for this 'special'?"

Speakers: "Of course. You are the 'spork bitch' after all."

All: collective groan

Phoenix: "We should get out of here while we still have our sanity."

Edgeworth: "Agreed. Let’s leave before they decide to change their minds."

(The three of them stand up from their seats, exhaustion and frustration evident in their movements. The theater doors creak open, and they slowly make their way towards the exit.)

Phoenix: "Edgeworth, I don’t envy you. But if they try to drag us into another one of these sporkings, we’ll find a way to fight back."

Maya: "Yeah! They can’t keep treating us like this. We’ll figure something out."

Edgeworth: "Perhaps... but it seems that as long as we’re in this theater, we’re at their mercy."

(The three exchange a knowing look, the weight of their predicament settling in.)

Phoenix: "Let’s just get out of here. I don’t want to think about what’s next."

(They step through the doors into the corridor, the oppressive atmosphere of the theater finally lifting as they leave it behind. As they walk away, the heavy doors close behind them with a final, echoing thud.)

Maya: "You know, maybe we should go get burgers or something... Just to get our minds off of all this."

Phoenix: "Good idea, Maya. I think we all need a little normalcy after this nightmare."

(Edgeworth nods silently, clearly still processing the ordeal. The three of them walk away from the theater, their footsteps growing quieter as they leave the horror behind; at least, for now.)