Quote:
turnabout portal
by kakkid166
CHAPTER 1
Maya: By the way, am I even in this?
Management: Not aside from a small cameo at the end. This is more of a Phoenix and Gumshoe story. You’re just here because everyone likes you. Maya: Good enough for me!
Phoenix: Uh, who’s “kakkid166”?
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PHOENIX wright and gumshoe were just saw manfred von karma go into teh green portal in the ground
Phoenix: Oh, god. Having to see this grammar again after so long really hits you like a brick.
Gumshoe: So that’s why it’s called turnabout portal? ‘Cause it’s got portals in it?
Maya: I guess. I don’t think it’s gonna be based off the Portal games, at least.
Quote:
"OK LETS GO" say phpeonxi and they both jump in after him
they bothe went through lots of green blue fog and then theyw as FALLING for like 5 minutes until they appear in the sky of another place
Maya: Jeez, five minutes of falling? That’s gotta get boring after you get over the whole “screaming in mortal fear” thing.
Phoenix: Where’d that portal even come from, anyway? That wasn’t explained yet.
Gumshoe: Why’re you even helping me chase a suspect, pal? I’m the detective here!
Phoenix: Because jakkid seems to think being a lawyer is basically like being a secret agent.
Maya: It totally should be. “The name’s Wright… Phoenix Wright.”
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"wtf where is we" said gumshoe
"idk" said phoenix
then they looked down and saw they were in ther sky
"OH SHIT" said phoenix AND THY BOTH FELL
Phoenix: We didn’t even start falling until we saw we were in the sky? It’s like I’m watching some old cartoon I haven’t seen since I was six.
Maya: That is very Looney Tunes, isn’t it?
Quote:
AND THEY HIT GROUND
"owie" say phoenix and he get up and he was in hole in ground that was shaped like him like in the caretoons
Phoenix: See, he even acknowledges it!
Gumshoe: Jakkid must really like cartoons, huh?
Maya: I mean, who doesn’t?
Gumshoe: Boring people, that’s who!
[Phoenix looks around nervously.]
Phoenix: Heh, yeah, those boring non-cartoon-watchers...
Quote:
"fucking fuck" say gumshoe who was the same
Phoenix: Oh right. Wouldn’t be a jakkid story without excessive swearing.
Gumshoe: I forgot all about that. I’m not this foul-mouthed, pal!
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"where are we" say phoenix and he look around and everything was COLORFUL
Phoenix: That would make sense, unless I went colorblind at some point.
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phoenic walk up to a sign and read it
"welcom to ponyille" say the sign
"wtf is a ponyville" say phoenix
Phoenix: Ponyville?
Gumshoe: The heck is that?
Maya: Oh, no…
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"hi" say voice behind him
gumshoe turn around and saw pony pink
"wats your name" said pony
Maya: I should’ve expected jakkid was a fan of My Little Pony.
Phoenix: Is that what this is? It’s been a while since we last saw anything about that.
Maya: Too bad we don’t have Edgeworth here to explain everything to us.
Gumshoe: Edgeworth watches My Little Pony?
Maya: Maybe. It’s a little theory Phoenix and I have going on.
Gumshoe: I’ve gotta ask him about that...
Phoenix: I pray for your salary, Gumshoe.
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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
said gumshjoe
Maya: Jeez, that’s a lot of A’s. You’re gonna strain your throat, Gumshoe.
Gumshoe: “Ace Attorney”, “Ace Attorney”, “Ace Attorney”, “Ace Attorney”...
Phoenix: Not this again. Please.
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"wow your name is weird" said the pony
Maya: Wait, did she take that to mean Gumshoe’s name is just a long scream?
Phoenix: I guess. Really, though, a scream like that is a pretty sensible reaction to a talking horse.
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"y u scream" say phoemix
"DAS A PONY" say guymshoe "BUT PONEYS CANT TALK"
Phoenix: Then again, we did just go through a portal. And I’ve already been to “sonic world and mario world and bible world”, according to jakkid. I think Gumshoe was even present for the Mario case.
Gumshoe: Good point, pal. This stuff isn’t much weirder.
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"o ur right" say phoenic "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
"shut fuck up" say gumshoe "we gotta find karma"
Maya: Wow, rude!
Phoenix: Yeah, Gumshoe gets to destroy his throat but I don’t?
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phoenix and gumshoes went to big house tree and knocke on door
open door was purple uneycorn, name twilight sporkle
"WHERES KARMA" say gumsho and he grab his gun and shoot the window
Phoenix: Gumshoe, I don’t want to have to repeat myself from the cake attorney sporking, but that is really not what guns are for.
Gumshoe: Yeah, you got me there, pal. I could’ve hurt someone doing that! Plus, it’s just some innocent pony! I just vandalized their house!
Maya: Maybe “twilight sporkle” is the real killer?
Phoenix: There is no real killer, remember? No one died. We’re just chasing Manfred for trying to kill me.
Maya: I’m amazed you remember that, Nick.
Phoenix: It’s burned into my mind.
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"oh" say twilight "he go to canterlot"
"ok" say gumshoe "cme on lets go there phoenix"
they went on train to canterlots
Phoenix: I guess that’s a location in the same world as this “Ponyville”?
Maya: Yeah, it’s, like, this big city jutting out of the side of a mountain.
Gumshoe: Sounds dangerous.
Phoenix: I didn’t know you knew much about this show, Maya.
Maya: Pearl has me watch it with her pretty often. It’s not bad, really!
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when they get there they run around looking for gumshoe but did not find him
Maya: So you did misremember, Nick! You and Gumshoe aren’t looking for Manfred, you’re looking for… Gumshoe.
Phoenix: Hilarious. Gee, I wonder how Gumshoe’s gonna find Gumshoe?
Gumshoe: I might as well just turn in my badge if I can’t even find myself.
Maya: Lots of people can’t find themselves. In a spiritual, metaphorical kind of way.
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"JERMA FARMA WHERE IS KARMA" sasid gumshoe
Phoenix: Jerma…
Maya: ...farma…
Gumshoe: ...where is Karma?
Management: Wait, is that a reference to Jerma985? World famous compact streamer slash YouTuber? Phoenix: Uh. I don’t know. Maybe?
Maya: Why is the management joining in on the sporking?
Management: Oh. Uh, never mind me. Quote:
"maybe hes in castle" say phoenix
"ok" say gumshoe and they go to castle and went in the doors
when they go in there was big pony call princess celsstia
"WOAH FUCK" say gumshoe "das big pony"
Phoenix: Nice job, Gumshoe. We find the Princess of this land and the first thing you do is swear at her.
Gumshoe: Well, that
is a big pony.
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"ur under arest for murder" say celestia
"WAT" say gumshoe and pheonix
Phoenix: Uh, yeah, “wat” indeed. What the hell happened? Did some pony die and we got framed for it?
Maya: Ooh, a mystery! I can’t wait to see who the victim is!
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gumshoe and phoenix were in dungeon and celestia comed down to intogate them
"so whyd u try to bomb phoenix wright" say celestia
Maya: …
Phoenix: Uh-huh.
Gumshoe: Phoenix bombed himself? Man, what a twist!
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"wtf i am phoenic wright" say wright
"no" said celesta "phoenix wright is old german dude"
Phoenix: Oh, great. So Manfred is impersonating me. Again.
Maya: What do you mean “again”?
Phoenix: Remember Turnabout Pearl? Where he kidnapped Pearl and somehow made her think it was me?
Maya: Oh, yeah!
Gumshoe: I don’t think I was here for that one.
Phoenix: Consider yourself lucky.
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"WTF" say gumshoe "HE LIE, HE SENT HPOENIX THE BOMB CAKE TO FRAME PEARL"
"can u prove it" say celestia
"YES" say gumshoe and he take out fingerprint results "SEE THEY MATCH OLD GUY, HIS NAME MARNFED VON KARMA, WHERES HE SO WE CAN COMPARE THEM FINGERPRINTS?"
Phoenix: This isn’t really all that decisive as proof. For all she knows, we could’ve forged those results.
Maya: Well, don’t bring that up to her!
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"he left cause i let him go through portal to try and get to home" said celestia
"NO" say gumshoe "BUT HES CANT GET AWAY WITH HISS CRIME, AND HE BROKING PAROLE RIGHT NOW"
Phoenix: I think “broking parole” is one of our lesser worries regarding his crimes.
Maya: Yeah, attempted murder is probably a little more important.
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"too bad you stay in dungeon lol" say celestia and she leaved
Phoenix: Wait, what happened? Did we convince her or not?
Maya: Well, either way, I guess you’re staying in the dungeon.
Phoenix: She didn’t contest the fingerprints, though! Does that mean she believes we’re innocent, but she’s keeping us in the dungeon anyway?
Gumshoe: I thought that show was about friendship, or something! These ponies are pretty mean.
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when she gone phoenic look as gumshoe "WE GOTTA ESCAPE DUDE"
"yea" say gumshoe but "HOW"
"i has a plan" said phoenic and his face smiled
Phoenix: As opposed to what? My knee smiling?
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phoenix op[ened his briefcase "i kept cake bomb in here for safe keeps"
"cool" say gumshoe
Phoenix: What?! But it exploded when I opened it! Back in cake attorney!
Gumshoe: Didn’t stop us from testing it for fingerprints.
Maya: What was it you said about it last time, Gumshoe? “Technology’s really advanced these days”? Let’s just leave it at that.
Quote:
they put bomb at wall and BLOW it up
Maya: Yep. Bombs that can explode multiple times. Nothing wrong here.
Gumshoe: Well, some bombs can do that, but not like
this.
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"SWWET" say phoenics "NOW LETS GET OUTA HERE"
they went out hold but they fell from the sky again CAUSE CNATERLOT IS IN THE SKY LOL
Maya: I’m amazed he remembered that.
Quote:
"NOOOOO WE GONNA DIE" say phoenics
"WAIT" said gumshoer "LOOK A PORTAL"
there was portal on ground
Phoenix: Another portal?! Where did that one come from?
Maya: The land of plot convenience!
Quote:
"THAT MUSTA BEEN KARMA'S PORTAL HE USE TO ESCAPE PONY WORLD" said phoenix
they fell into the portale and it closed
TO BE CONTINUED
Phoenix: So it didn’t close when Manfred went through it, but it did when we went through it?
Gumshoe: Plus, whoever made that portal stuck it right under where you fell off that city!
Maya: Maybe Manfred wants you two to follow him, because of unrevealed reasons!
Phoenix: That still doesn’t explain how the hell he makes these portals in the first place.
Quote:
turnabout portal
by jakkid166
EPISOPE 2: RETURN 2 SPEED
Phoenix: Jeez, right into the next chapter, huh?
Maya: “Return 2 speed”? Let me guess, this is gonna be Sonic world.
Quote:
not 1 knows in the mist of law
Phoenix: ...Uh. Okay.
Gumshoe: What’s that mean?
Phoenix: I have no idea. Maya?
Maya: No clue.
Phoenix: Management?
Management: Don’t look at me. I mean, you physically can’t look at me, but you know what I mean. Phoenix: Let’s not think too hard about it, then.
Quote:
phoenix wright and gumsho went out of the portal and landed in ANOTHE world
"wtf is dis place" say gumshoe
"this s sonic world" said phoenics cause he saw the sonic world stuff
Maya: Yep, I was right! So predictable, jakkid.
Phoenix: I wonder what exactly this “sonic world stuff” is.
Maya: Well, your spiky hair kinda looks like Sonic’s… quill thingies.
Phoenix: Yeah, because I can just look at the back of my head like that.
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SUDENLY, sonic ran up to them
"hey dudes hey phoenic wat u doin here" said sonic
"WERE TRYIN 2 CATCH manfred von karma" said gumshoe
Phoenix: I don’t think Sonic knows who that is.
Maya: Well, he was a pretty dedicated prosecutor. Maybe he had experience in other worlds, like you!
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"why"
"CAUSE HE TRY TO BLOW UP ME" said wight "WITH BOMB"
Phoenix: I hate to do the "as opposed to" thing again, but... as opposed to what? Blowing me up with a bicycle pump?
Maya: I don't think this is that kind of story.
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"wow wat a dicktit wats he look like" said sonic
Gumshoe: What’s a d- Er… that word Sonic said?
Maya: Something jakkid made up, I think. I don’t wanna think about what he had in mind when he wrote that.
Gumshoe: Or maybe it's a girl version of me!
Phoenix: (Why would he say that...?)
Quote:
"HES REALLY OLD AND GERMAN AND he says a lot of swears words" said gumshoe
Phoenix: I get the “old” part, but how is him being German relevant to how he looks?
Maya: Yeah, I don’t think it is. Unless he’s wearing lederhosen.
[Phoenix and Gumshoe suddenly buckle over a bit, snickering.]
Phoenix: I don’t know whether I should love or hate you for giving me that mental image.
Gumshoe: And doesn’t everybody in this story say a lot of swear words? Sonic just said one. Doesn’t really narrow it down much, pal.
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"ok" say sonics "i help you l;ok for him let me get me friends to help too"
sonic left 2 get friends
Phoenix: Great. I’m dimension-traveling with Gumshoe and the best help I can get is from a hedgehog and his other animal friends.
Management: One of which was murdered, back in SPEED attorney. Maya: Speaking of, are we ever gonna spork that story? I think we’ve got most of his other ones done now, at least up to dank attorney. Or, uh, “turnabout dank”. Or “dankabout turn”.
Management: I dunno. There’s not much to work with there, since it was his first story. He hadn’t developed his style yet. It even has less typos than his later stuff. Phoenix: Well, if that isn’t a dead giveaway that these are intentional, I don’t know what is.
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"u know dat guy" say gumshoe
"yea i defend him in the court once cause big the cat got killmurder" say phoenix
Phoenix: I guess “Big the Cat” is the name of the victim of SPEED attorney, then?
Maya: Sounds about right. If there’s any Sonic character a fanfiction author would want to kill off, it’s him.
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"oh ok" say gumshoe "who do it"
"i dont rember" say phoenic
Phoenix: Seems like a pretty important detail to just forget…
Quote:
”but it sucked”
Maya: I don’t doubt it!
Gumshoe: Well, hey, the first step to improving yourself is acknowledging the problem!
Phoenix: Not when this is bad on purpose.
Quote:
SUDDENMLY ANOTHER PERSON APPEAR
it was EGGMANS in his EGG FLY CAR THING
Maya: Oh no, Eggmans? As in plural?
Phoenix: Wouldn’t that be Egg
men?
Gumshoe: Hey, I remember that song!
Maya: What song?
Gumshoe: Don’t you know it, pal? “I am the eggman. I am the walrus. Goo-goo-gajoob.”
Phoenix: I haven’t heard that song in years… Though, I don’t think that’s what jakkid’s referring to.
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"HEY ITS DAT GUY WHO SONIC JUMPED ON HIS FACE"
"fuck you" said eggmam
Maya: “Eggmam”? Is this a genderbent Eggman?
Quote:
"no"
Phoenix: Amazing comeback, fic-me.
Quote:
BUT THEN GUMSHOE SAW THERER WAS TWO PEOPLE IN TEH CAR
AND THE OTHER WAS
MANFDFED FON VARMA
Maya: It was
who?! Gumshoe: Man...fd… I’m having a hard time pronouncing that, pal.
Phoenix: He couldn’t even get the “von” part right. Come on, it’s three letters!
Quote:
"SUP" say karma "guess what u gon dieeeee"
"wtf how" say hpoenix U WORKING TOGETHER?"
"YES" say eggmasn "ND WHEN WE GETS THE CHOS EMERALDS WE WILL TAKING OVER YO WORLD!"
Maya: I seriously thought he was going to say “chorizo emeralds” for a second.
Gumshoe: You’re making me hungry, pal!
Quote:
"SHIT" say gumshoe "NO WE WONT LET U"
but THEN
KARMA SHOT GUMSHOE IN HIS FOOT
"OW WAT THE FUCK MAAAAAN" sad gumshoe
Phoenix: Jeez! That’s a little excessive, don’t you think?
Gumshoe: Can’t be that bad if all it made me say was “ow”.
Maya: Maybe Manfred’s using airsoft.
Quote:
"that was just warning not to stops us " say karma
and then they two flied away
"goddammit" gumshoe "wtf we do now"
Phoenix: Uh, well, von Karma has a gun, he’s working with some guy who fights a hedgehog all the time, and they both just flew away while we have no method of catching them. How about going back home?
Maya: Nah, jakkid’ll figure out a way to get you out of this.
Quote:
"WE GOTTA STOP THEM" say pheonix
"BUT HOW" said gymshoe
THEN SONIC and TAILS and KUCKLES nd SHADOW ran up to them
Maya: *Snrk*... “Kuckles”...
Phoenix: Gymshoe, huh? Have you been working out, Gumshoe?
Gumshoe: Nope. But I’ll remember that pun if I ever do!
Management: Oh good, Shadow’s here. You know, the true culprit in SPEED attorney. Phoenix: Wait, what? He was the killer? How isn’t he in, uh… Sonic jail?
Maya: I guess they all decided to let bygones be bygones. They must’ve really not liked Big.
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H"EY GUYS I GOT MY FRIENDS"
"ok" said phoenix "GUESS WHAT"
"wat"
"KARMA TEAM UPW ITHJ EGGMAN TO STEAL THE CHAOS EMERALLLLDS"
"O SHIT SON" said knuckles "OK WE GOTTA GET THEM BEFOR THEY GET THEM"
Phoenix: Oh, they’re
chaos emeralds. Not “chos”.
Maya: Great. Do those really have taking over the world-level power, though?
Quote:
"but we dont know where they went" said gumshoe "how we gon find them"
"hmm" said sonic "we hav to plan a plan of action for catching eggs and karma"
Phoenix: Eggs and Karma? That seriously sounds like something you’d eat for breakfast.
Gumshoe: Maybe that’s why we’re trying to catch him! We’re just really hungry!
Maya: Would that be vore, or cannibalism? Or both?
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"ok lets think bout this" say tals "where the fuck he say they go?"
"they want to get chaos emeralds i think" say phoenix
Maya: Amazing deduction, fic-Nick. Got any other crazy revelations for us?
Quote:
suddenly shadow jumped in the midle of the group and exploded
Phoenix: Uh, “exploded”? Is he dead?
Maya: Maybe he tried to mess with the cake bomb.
Quote:
THIS CAN MEAN 1 THING"
"THEY WENT TO STEAL THE CHOAS EMERALDS"
Gumshoe: Well, he’s not dead. That’s good.
Phoenix: I guess it was the figurative use of “exploded”, then. Makes sense with the all-caps.
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"OH NO" sayed gumshoe "THEN WE GOTTA GO TO WHERE THEYS ARE, WHARE ARE THEY"
"well" said knucklefuck "the emerlds are REALLY far away so i dont think tey can get there in time"
Maya: Pfft. What’s with that name for Knuckles? Is he even trying?
Phoenix: I don’t think he really cares about getting the names right.
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"BUT THEY GO REALLY FAST IN THE EGG CAR, IT HAS ROCKET BOOSTS ON IT NOW" said phoenix
"oh no well never get there in time"
Phoenix: This is kinda dragging, isn’t it?
Management: It gets better after the first couple chapters. Maya: I’m guessing by better, you mean worse. But in a “good for the sporking” kind of way.
Management: Exactly! Quote:
"THEN WHAT WE DO?"
hmm say phoenix then he saw a piece of paper on ground
"O GUYS LOOK ITS THEIR PLANS" every1 lookeda t t
the paper said "GOING to SONIC WORLD FOR CHAOS EMERALDS, THEN MARIO WORLD FOR POWERUPS, THEN BIBLE WRLD FOR JESUS POWER, THEN WRIGHT WORLD FOR TO TAKE OVER"
Phoenix: That’s pretty careless of them. Now we know exactly what they’re trying to do!
Maya: Oh no, they’re gonna get Jesus Power? How are you ever gonna stop him?
Gumshoe: Come on, pal, why would Jesus help these guys?
Phoenix: Maybe they’re gonna steal his Jesus Power.
Maya: I appreciate how they’re going to Mario World just so they can get, what, some mushrooms and fire flowers? I’m pretty sure Manfred’s gun is already more useful than those.
Gumshoe: Maybe he really wants to get big and commit arson!
Quote:
"O DAM SON" said knuickles "THEY GOIN TO MARIO WORLD WHEN THEY GET THEM EMERALDS?"
"yea i guess" sayed phoenix "WE GOTTA GO TO MARIO WORLD BEFOR THAT SO WE CAN CATCH THEM"
"but how" sad tails "we dont have portas to go there"
Phoenix: Reading this conversation feels like being on a merry-go-round.
Gumshoe: When’s the last time you were on one of those, pal?
Phoenix: I don’t know, a decade ago?
Maya: I wish I could’ve seen that.
Quote:
"WE need someon who can build the portal" said gumshoe
"but who can build portal" said phoenics
"i can wit chaos control" said shadow
"wtf you idiot dipshit fucknugget thats now how that works" said knuckles
Maya: Jeez! I know jakkid’s characters are foul-mouthed, but that’s a bit much.
Phoenix: Yeah, what did Shadow do to deserve that?
Gumshoe: Uh, murder one of their friends?
Phoenix: Oh. Yeah. I guess that makes sense.
Quote:
"fuck u knuckles you had sex with big THE cat"
"WAT THE SHIT"
Maya: These are some serious schoolyard-level insults.
Phoenix: If what he’s saying is true, does that mean Knuckles and Big were in a relationship?
Gumshoe: Please don’t make me think about that, pal.
Quote:
"y are we arguing we need portal fast" said mario
Maya: Yeah, Mario’s right, we need to- Wait,
what?! Phoenix: Where’d Mario come from?
Mario: I don’t-a-know.
Gumshoe: I think the next chapter’s leaking into this one.
Quote:
"ok ok guys" lets make a portal somehow" said phoenix
"but we cant we dont have anything" said sonic
"WAIT" said knuckle and he pulled out a chaos emeralde "I FORGOT I KEEP THIS FOR WHEN I NEED POWER"
Phoenix: That’s… convenient.
Maya: Yeah, how are the bad guys gonna steal the chaos emeralds when the good guys already have one of them?
Gumshoe: Uh, where was he keeping that, pal?
Quote:
"O sweet" said phenics "CAN THAT MAKE A PORTALE?"
"yea" said knuckles nd he threw it at the ground and it made portal to mario world
"OK GUYS" said phoenix "LETS GO STOP KARMA AND EGNMAN"
and they all jumped in
TO BE CONTINUUUUUUED
Phoenix: Well, at least this portal had an explanation behind it. Sort of.
Maya: And we’re left with another really long “TO BE CONTINUUUUUUUUED”. At least he’s enthusiastic!
Gumshoe: I wonder what it’s like in Mario world.
Phoenix: Probably lots of killer mushrooms and turtles. Plus, annoying music playing all the time.
Maya: Hey, Mario music isn’t annoying!
Phoenix: It is if it’s playing 24/7.