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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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Experimental Hydroxyacelunodosetrase

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I walked into my printmaking class last week, and one of the AP art students was there, trying to finish a painting. He was having a conversation with my art teacher, and complaining.

Student: Ms. D, how am I supposed to finish a realistic painting in TWO WEEKS? Professional artists take months or YEARS!
Ms. D: Well, Van Gogh would finish paintings in a day or two.
Student: Yeah, and Van Gogh also freaked out, chopped his ear off, and drank himself crazy.
Ms. D: Well, if that's what it takes!
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Carly. 19. Ravenclaw. Hell's Belle.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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OTTF?

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Art History Prof: "Michelangelo's David has got the most bangin' butt." Flips to a slide taken from the other side. "I mean, really."

KlemaFan16 wrote:
I walked into my printmaking class last week, and one of the AP art students was there, trying to finish a painting. He was having a conversation with my art teacher, and complaining.


KlemaFan16 wrote:
I walked into my printmaking class last week


KlemaFan16 wrote:
printmaking class


What kind of school do you go to?! I'm so jealous. :edgeworth:
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Guy that mostly RPs as a girl.

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The other day I had a test English with a substitute teacher but after some time we noticed one of the question papers was missing and she had to get out to give everyone that question paper and we just started exchanging answers. When she came back we were of course all talking but she didn't get mad. Instead she kinda helped us with the test. At the end she was all like "If you don't tell I won't tell >.<"
I swear it was frikking awesome.
FUH-RIIIEEEED CHICKIIIIN!!!

Wait- dat an ewg!

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I don't think I should continue this song.

I'm going to nom nom you!
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Shut up woman, get on my horse

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This mad old English teacher who doesn't even teach my class once came into our classroom, said "Romance is dead! Write about it!", then walked out again.

My Maths teacher once said "People have been dying for their rights all their lives!".
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Experimental Hydroxyacelunodosetrase

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Hula_Maggey wrote:
Art History Prof: "Michelangelo's David has got the most bangin' butt." Flips to a slide taken from the other side. "I mean, really."

KlemaFan16 wrote:
I walked into my printmaking class last week, and one of the AP art students was there, trying to finish a painting. He was having a conversation with my art teacher, and complaining.


KlemaFan16 wrote:
I walked into my printmaking class last week


KlemaFan16 wrote:
printmaking class


What kind of school do you go to?! I'm so jealous. :edgeworth:


Just a regular old school. It is a really fun class :garyuu: But it might get cut with all of our budget problems. :sadshoe:
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Carly. 19. Ravenclaw. Hell's Belle.
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Organisms and Evolution:
Professor: You see, though, evolution never results in a perfect being. This is why you don't see a super predator that can run at 200 miles per hour and has a machine gun strapped to its back.

Cells and Molecules:
Professor: I don't know about some people, but I like genetic diversity! I like the idea of coming together to create... *looks at class* unique and interesting offspring!

Writing Speculative Fiction:
Professor: There are some incredibly cliche descriptions that you should avoid in writing. Anyone who describes a winter scene as being a "winter wonderland" should be dragged out and shot.
(This is the same lady I had for Organisms and Evolution, and she is badass. She and I have conversations about everything from manga to video games to making fun of Twilight.)

My Geometry teacher in high school was a huge World of Warcraft addict to the point that mentioning WoW in class would completely destroy his train of thought. XDD
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Teachers are strange...

Violin teacher: You call that being a conquistador?! We're on the boat eating mac 'n cheese, not conquering them! Hey... now that I think about it, I am hungry...

Science teacher: Oh, Nick, do you want me to set your hair on fire? (he was telling us how to use the bunsen burners "properly.")
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Experimental Hydroxyacelunodosetrase

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So, I got a new class for the new semester, "Dramatic Experience" (Or, as I call it, "Traumatic Experience" Not because the class is hard or anything, it's because most of the people in the class are assorted slackers who need credits.) So, my teacher walks in, and she says,

"When you present Monologues, you need to... I don't want to use this word, but it just fits so well, You need to have 'Swagga'"
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The other day our principal just burst into our classroom and said, "So I heard there's waffles in here?" It was... weird. (Although, to be fair, we were actually having waffles. With chocolate chips :3)
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Our English teacher constantly leaves our class to go to German because they eat good food there. He also is the most epic teacher in our school and is very nice to have. Also, he constantly jumps up on desks.

EDIT: Just remembered that my ICT teacher is never in class (and we've never met him, either) and that my math teacher tells students to stop crotch-watching their own crotches and others'. Ouch.

This isn't me, luckily.

MK: "Hey, Daniel! Stop watching Jonah's crotch!"
Daniel: "What?"
MK: "You too, Ashley! Stop watching your crotch! Oh, and what's the answer to number 47 while I'm at it?"
Ashley: "10Q"
MK: "You're welcome." Then she burst into laughing.

For a class that lasts 40 minutes, we got 60 questions for homework that day.

EDIT2: We overheard our science teacher's talk over the phone. In involved her daughter having to go outside in -40 temperatures without pants for recess. A whole 15 minutes, that's frostbite, pal.
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I'm in the hallway talking to two of my friends, when my teacher walks by.

Teacher: "Apolla, you stand there any longer and you'll sink into the ground." *walks away*
Me: *yells at him as he walks away* "Hey, is that a fat joke?!"
Teacher: *turns around with a horrified expression* N-... No, no, I.. I didn't mean it like that at all!
Me: *laughs* Just kidding, it's all good.
*knuckle bump then we depart*
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*Teacher addressing his male gym class*
Teacher: Out of 20-ish people here, 2 of you will be gay.

*a kid is looking at his iPhone during gym class*
Same Teacher: *looks over his shoulder* you could watch some awesome pr0n on that.

*talking about a test*
French Teacher: If each person gets a 75% or above, I will bake cupcakes for the class. I have no problem with bribery.
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What the Devil is going on here?

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This happened when I had to stay back after school for 10 minutes for being late once. We had a old-man religion teacher. Everyone thinks he's really cute.
*everyone sitting in silence*
Mr. Winter: *mumbling* Hmm.. I need to go to the supermarket today. Oh I'm talking to myself. I should stop doing that. I do need milk though.
Random girl: Sir, Who are you talking to?
Mr Winter: Oh sorry I was talking to myself.
Then he told us a story about the supermarket. And let us all go 4 minutes early. XD
~
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SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.

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Whenever we talk in class our spanish miss yells:

'I HEAR VOICES!'
Lol it just makes her sound demented.

Also once in our drama lesson Miss just said
'Who has that new mario wii game? I can't get past world 4!! That wendy...'
I told her how to get past Wendy...heehee, i can't beleive she actually plays it.
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do you guys think i'd be able to make a "what the fuck is wrong with my teacher(s)" thread, or is that kind of thing for this thread?
alles ist scheisse
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One time one of my teachers was really late to class.

Random student: Y'know, you're lucky we didn't just leave!
Teacher: No, you're lucky you didn't leave.

(Then everyone burst out laughting... except the teacher ._. scary...)
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Lol This is more what the teacher did. We had a really creepy Sub for history and the whole class was in complete silence from the moment he walked into the room and put the work on the board untill the moment he walked out.
I wasn't doing my work, instead I was doodling in my book. Everytime I looked up he would be staring at me straight in the eyes with a horrible death glare. I just smiled back at him everytime. I also had him for music that day and he did almost the same thing in that class.
After school, my dad was driving me home and I looked out the window into the car next to me. It was HIM! Giving me that same horrible glare. I seriously burst out laughing and smiled and waved at him. He just turned his head and drove off.
I havent seen him since but he is really creepy. o__O
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My teacher didn't SAY this, but...
It was in music yesterday, and we were talking about polyphonics and monophonics.
And so he put on this song, to demonstrate. The song in particular happened to be the first song in JFA.
THe one which plays during Nick's nightmare? Yeah, that.
I laughed my head off. Everyone else groaned and started bagging me.
hahahaahaahhhaaaaa!
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iLuvKlavierGavin wrote:
My teacher didn't SAY this, but...
It was in music yesterday, and we were talking about polyphonics and monophonics.
And so he put on this song, to demonstrate. The song in particular happened to be the first song in JFA.
THe one which plays during Nick's nightmare? Yeah, that.
I laughed my head off. Everyone else groaned and started bagging me.
hahahaahaahhhaaaaa!



HAH! Did you play JFA in music? ... well, in my English class, we're doing bookclubs, and my teacher was telling us about this group of boys who read Walk Two Moons. She taped them. I'm boring. We still can't find a stupid encyclopedia.
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SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.

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Our spanish teacher contradicted herself today, it was so funny.
she said, "I don't want to keep you behind because that means I have to be with you for 10 minutes longer than I have to." Then, like a minute later she said,
"I really enjoy seeing you guys!" Sure you do, miss. sure you do...

And our citezenship lesson was funny!
Girl in our class: Hey its SNOWING!
everyone: looks out window, talks and etc etc
teacher: Why you british like snow!? I hate snow! (She's chinese, and yes she does talk like this, i'm not making fun of chinese people
me: Why? Snow is sooooo cool!
Teacher: No it's not! I wanna flamethrower and melt it al!
XD
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iLuvKlavierGavin wrote:
My teacher didn't SAY this, but...
It was in music yesterday, and we were talking about polyphonics and monophonics.
And so he put on this song, to demonstrate. The song in particular happened to be the first song in JFA.
THe one which plays during Nick's nightmare? Yeah, that.
I laughed my head off. Everyone else groaned and started bagging me.
hahahaahaahhhaaaaa!


Omg LOL. Same thing Happens to us in music. Theres a Lesson room right next to us and the girl having the lesson always plays that song. Me and Snowy burst out laughing and other kids laugh too but only becasue it reminds them of vampires. (at the end I ran to the piano and played the first bit lol)
~
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Essa_L_M.E wrote:
iLuvKlavierGavin wrote:
My teacher didn't SAY this, but...
It was in music yesterday, and we were talking about polyphonics and monophonics.
And so he put on this song, to demonstrate. The song in particular happened to be the first song in JFA.
THe one which plays during Nick's nightmare? Yeah, that.
I laughed my head off. Everyone else groaned and started bagging me.
hahahaahaahhhaaaaa!


Omg LOL. Same thing Happens to us in music. Theres a Lesson room right next to us and the girl having the lesson always plays that song. Me and Snowy burst out laughing and other kids laugh too but only becasue it reminds them of vampires. (at the end I ran to the piano and played the first bit lol)

Uhm... that's b/c Bach's Toccata and Fugue is a famous piece ._.



Anyway, my math teacher gave us an amazing bit:


"When people say 'S&M,' they're talking about 'Sets & Mathematics'! They usually teach it in Sets Education. Of course, that's why they have to be discrete."
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What the Devil is going on here?

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Bad Player wrote:
Essa_L_M.E wrote:
iLuvKlavierGavin wrote:
My teacher didn't SAY this, but...
It was in music yesterday, and we were talking about polyphonics and monophonics.
And so he put on this song, to demonstrate. The song in particular happened to be the first song in JFA.
THe one which plays during Nick's nightmare? Yeah, that.
I laughed my head off. Everyone else groaned and started bagging me.
hahahaahaahhhaaaaa!


Omg LOL. Same thing Happens to us in music. Theres a Lesson room right next to us and the girl having the lesson always plays that song. Me and Snowy burst out laughing and other kids laugh too but only becasue it reminds them of vampires. (at the end I ran to the piano and played the first bit lol)

Uhm... that's b/c Bach's Toccata and Fugue is a famous piece ._.





Well yeah we know but it makes us laugh becuase it reminds us of the judge squishing Phoenix with his gavel. XD
~
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I remember something funny that happened in my english class... We were watching an episode of a t.v. serie (I think it's called ''Senfield'' or something like that) when one of the character call another character a ''Fairy''

Random student: Hey, prof? What is a ''fairy''???
Prof: Well, usually, a ''fairy'' is a ''Fée'' but in this case, it's another word for ''homosexual''
Me:... Hahaha! ...Ooops! Sorry!
Prof: What is so funny?
Me: I was just thinking... Since my godfather is homosexual, that's mean that I have a ''Fairy godfather''...
Prof: ...Hahahahahahahahaha! *wipe eyes* Now THAT's a good one!
Godot and his coffee cup, an eternal love!
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Consider this puzzle solved.

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Hmm, let's see...

Student: That teacher is, like, 80 years old!
Teacher: No, no- she's only 79.
--------
Teacher: If you would like to make a donation, I will take all the chocolate I can get my hands on.
--------
Teacher: If you're going to go by a nickname make sure your parents know about it. If you don't... well, say your nickname is, uh, Spicy Taco, and I sent an e-mail to your parents.
"Spicy Taco hasn't been as spicy lately and he needs some extra cheese" (extra cheese = extra credit). I get a response: "Who the hell are you!?" "I'm your son's band teacher". "Don't ever contact me again, you creep!".
----------
Student: What is this a picture of? Is she dancing?
Teacher: No, she's having a seizure. That's having a seizure.
----------
Oh, and then, there's all the hilarious stuff my English teacher said.

Student 1: I can't believe you don't remember what period you have me in!
Teacher: Well, when something really bad happens, your brain sometimes blocks it out, so it only makes sense that I wouldn't remember what period you were in.

Student one (talking to student 2): What was I about to say?
Teacher: Wait. You can't remember what you were going to say, so you asked her? What, you think she can read your mind or something!?

Student 1: My water bottle is soggy. I'm going to go rinse it out. *leaves*
Teacher: 0.o Do you understand what she's saying!? He water bottle's soggy. What causes sogginess? Water! How is she going to stop it from being soggy? She'll put MORE water in it!!
Student 1: *returns*. My water is still soggy!
Teacher: How is WATER soggy!?!?!?
Student: It tastes funny!
Teacher: That's not sogginess!!!

Hmm, I can't remember any more right now but I'll probably remember more later.
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Science Teacher:

(during test)
Oh yeah, about that love story with Cecilia and Sheena!
(she has this recurring love story about these two pupils, who both contribute it to each other)

Teacher: Cecilia had found out Sheena had been cheating on her, and decided to rape her!
Cecilia: How the hell did I rape Sheena?
Teacher: DISCO STICK? In your PANTIES? It's more likelier than you think.
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In school, we have this crazy teacher, Mr. B, who always gives us moral speeches and all that. Each time you have a conversation with him, it's a new adventure. (He even asked a girl in a disco about her opinion about the Vietnam War O_O)
Well, the thing is, we're reading Richard III, by Shakespiare in Literature. (Mr. B loves annoying our Literature teacher) One day, we were reading the book in class, and suddenly the Lit teacher yelled, "Oh, God... No..." and she covered her face in shame.
Then, we all looked at the hallway through the glass wall, just to see Mr. B limping towards the door. Then he entered the classroom and started impersonating the deformed Richard III on his first monologue.
We just couldn't stop laughing, until the Lit teacher started laughing as well, while blushing =3
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I once had a teacher who read the line from some poem that was supposed to go, "O wind, rend open the heat!"

He read it as "O wind, rend open the heart! Oops, Freudian slip."
Pauca sed matura.

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@Mask*DeMasque - Omg you're teachers had me in stiches! XDD

Teacher - *tells lame joke that I cant remember*
Student - Lol.
Teacher - You actually say that?
Student - shaa *tells lame joke*
Teacher -*tells another lame joke*
Student - Lol.
Teacher - Rofl
Student - Lmao
Teacher - Roflmaool
Student - wow..
~
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Just remembered a few more, all from my English teacher...

Teacher: Spell "polopony". (note: it's pronounced "pull-ah-pun-ee")
Student 1 (same student as before): ...Can you use it in a sentence?
Teacher: Sure... um... "I'm gonna take a ride in the field on my 'polo pony'".
Class: XD

Teacher: The essay topic was "if you won any award in the world, what would it be?". Who would like to share their essays?
Student 3: Oh, me! I would!
Teacher: Okay, go.
Student 3: "If I won any award in the world, it would be the 'first person to tame a dragon award'". *starts reading essay*
Teacher: Psst! Come over here!
Student 4: What is it?
Teacher: I need you to go down to the nurse. There should be some guys in white coats there. Tell them to come here.
Student 3: Huh? What're you talking about?
Teacher: Oh, it's nothing! Carry on!
Student 3: Okay! *continues reading essay*

Teacher: Spell "cat"
Student 4: Cat. C-A-T. Cat.
Teacher: Spell [insert extremely hard to spell word here].
Student 5: Um... *spells wrong*
Teacher: Wrong. Spell [again, insert extremely hard to spell word here].
Student 6: Uh... *spells wrong*
Teacher: Incorrect. Now, if [student 4] spells this next word right, he wins. Spell... "cow".
Student 7: Easy! (she moves her neck in the strangest way as she says this... or anything else for that matter) C-O-W.
Student 4: Hey, what the heck!? That was MY word!!
Students 5 & 6: That's not fair!! He gets easy words!!
Teacher: [Student 7], be quiet. [Student 4], in order to please [Students 5 & 6], I will now give you an easier word. Spell.. hmm... "cows".
Student 4: Cows. C-O-W-S. Cows.
Teacher: You win.

(at the spelling bee)
Teacher: Alright, pick a number from this hat. (it was to decide the order we would go in)
Student 4: *picks a number*
Teacher: Congratulations. You win.

(He didn't "say" these, per se- he wrote them down on a worksheet)
Monotheism: belief in one God
Communism: real bad idea

Realist: someone who is realistic
Socialist: hardly a realist
Say, that reminds me of a puzzle! Have you ever heard this one, Luke?
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Macfarlane; ok children, i want Annie to go up and do the lesson today?
Annie; wait what?
Macfarlane sits at back of classroom, hugging a plush reinder.
Reindeer raises his hand.
Annie; yes... Macfa- err reindeer
Reindeer; Umm yeah, i reckon the idea behind last weeks discussion was to gain an idea of responsibilty and time consciousness
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My history teacher's keys were stolen once so she was pissed and she was all like
"Go away evil spirits... No wait I mean angry spirits."
And later she said
"God, the evil spirits are taking over!"
Me: "You mean angry spirits?"
Her: "No, it's pure evil now!"

She also likes to call extra work "Happy work" because it makes her happy and us miserable.
FUH-RIIIEEEED CHICKIIIIN!!!

Wait- dat an ewg!

Image Image Image
Click on mah drag(on), mah drag(on) is amazing!
...
I don't think I should continue this song.

I'm going to nom nom you!
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I dunno which teachers put these up, but there are these posters around my school saying this:
Spoiler: NSFW-ish?
RAPE
is a strategy of war

Seriously, that's what it says. It's in that format too. "RAPE" in giant letters, than the rest in small font. It's probably the stupidest thing I've ever seen in the school. Seriously, I know some of the teachers and members of student council are idiots, but honestly? What was the point of this? And they give no context whatsoever! Just "Rape is a strategy of war". Um...OK, why are you telling me this? Couldn't find a better way to waste your time? Or are you just letting us know if we ever decide to join the army?
Fail.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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Consider this puzzle solved.

Gender: Male

Location: Isn't it obvious?

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Sun Feb 07, 2010 1:43 am

Posts: 294

Funny things my math teacher said today...

Student: That guy has a six-pack!
Other student: That reminds me, there were these two guys in class who were comparing their six-packs.
Another student: Oh yeah! That was so wierd!
Teacher: I have a six-pack...
Class: Really!?
Teacher: ...of soda in my car.

Student: This math problem is SO HARD!!!
Teacher: Well, I solved it in my head.
Student: Don't compare yourself to us! You're a teacher!
Teacher: I won't; there's no comparison.

And a funny thing my English teacher said a while ago...

Teacher: Show me your free reading books. This is a grade.
Student 1: Look!! I'm reading Nicholas Sparks!!
Student 2: Me too!!
Teacher: Do you like it?
Student 1: Yeah!! It's awesome!!
Teacher: Well, I'm glad you like my work, for, you see, I [dramatic pause][/dramatic pause] am Nicholas Sparks.
Say, that reminds me of a puzzle! Have you ever heard this one, Luke?
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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This is my Path, my Dream, my Choice

Gender: None specified

Location: Up North

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:31 am

Posts: 778

Me and a teacher were heading towards the barn for a lab

*A car honks at us because they were a bunch of idiots*
teacher:Hmm, I wonder why they're beeping at us
me: mmmm
teacher: It must be because I'm hot!
Image

**Special Thanks to Dekuran for the Awesome Siggy and Nadindi for the Cool Avatar!**
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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What the Devil is going on here?

Gender: Female

Location: Sydney, Australia

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Mon Jun 01, 2009 10:18 am

Posts: 905

Lol Mask*DeMasque I want you're teachers :')
~
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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Guy that mostly RPs as a girl.

Gender: Male

Location: Frontlines with a dispenser.

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Thu Dec 31, 2009 8:23 pm

Posts: 61

justis76 wrote:
I dunno which teachers put these up, but there are these posters around my school saying this:
Spoiler: NSFW-ish?
RAPE
is a strategy of war

Seriously, that's what it says. It's in that format too. "RAPE" in giant letters, than the rest in small font. It's probably the stupidest thing I've ever seen in the school. Seriously, I know some of the teachers and members of student council are idiots, but honestly? What was the point of this? And they give no context whatsoever! Just "Rape is a strategy of war". Um...OK, why are you telling me this? Couldn't find a better way to waste your time? Or are you just letting us know if we ever decide to join the army?
Fail.


This reminds me. One of the teachers lost their mug once. He put up poster everywhere with a picture of the mug with
"Kidnapped" and "Have you seen me?"

Why did he have a picture of the mug anyway? 0_o
FUH-RIIIEEEED CHICKIIIIN!!!

Wait- dat an ewg!

Image Image Image
Click on mah drag(on), mah drag(on) is amazing!
...
I don't think I should continue this song.

I'm going to nom nom you!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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Gender: Male

Location: Mississippi

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Sat Mar 13, 2010 2:30 am

Posts: 4

Just today in band rehearsal, we were playing this medley of three Beatles songs, and then my band director started talking about the Beatles themselves. Then said how Ringo Starr wrote the songs she doesn't necessarily like. Then she said something about her kids playing the Beatles Rock Band. And then she started explaining how her 4-year-old daughter would play the drums on Rock Band. Next thing I know, she starts talking about her kids in general, such as how they would play school and whatever. And all this happened because she cut off in the middle of Yesterday, her favorite Beatles song.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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TAkE YouR hEaRT

Gender: Female

Location: Forecourt Of Hell

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Tue Oct 20, 2009 11:31 pm

Posts: 400

Teacher: So, who wants to draw the basic structure of the heart on the blackboard?
*Hands go up*
Student: Here! Here!
Teacher: I'll just pick those who do not say here.
same Student: Not here! Not here!

^ that one sounds better in German though... the English grammar kinda ruins it =/

Spoiler: same thing in German, for those who understand
Lehrer: So, wer möchte mir die grundlegende Struktur des Herzens an die Tafel zeichnen?
*Hände gehen hoch*
Schüler: Hier! Hier!
Lehrer: Ich werde nur die dran nehmen, die nicht hier sagen.
gleicher Schüler: Nicht hier! Nicht hier!

Spoiler: Another one that makes more sense in German
Lehrer: Ich hoffe die meisten von euch wissen, wie man Analphabetin richtig ausspricht. Es lautet nämlich An-alphabetin und nicht Anal-phabetin.

Analphabetin = (female) illiterate

Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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earthlings on fire

Gender: Female

Location: Hazakura Temple

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Jul 14, 2009 12:57 am

Posts: 1014

I have this English teacher who is really serious, but he's always cracking jokes... He's like the king of dark humour.

Anyway, a classmate of mine was writing on the whiteboard with each of the coloured markers. When he got to the black one, he wrote:
"This is a black marker, like Mr. Stone's heart."

Mr. Stone, the English teacher walks in, takes the marker, and writes "True" beside it. Then he writes:

"Mr. Stone is like NoHeart from Care Bears. He feeds off children's dispair."

My classmate tells him he wrote despair wrong. (He's our ENGLISH teacher, for crying out loud!)

So then Mr. Stone erases " 's dispair", leaving "He feeds off children".

:edgy:
ImageImageImage
...and there's fifteen feet of pure white snow
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