...
...
...
...
...
,,,
Oh, what the heck is that? Comma comma comma?!?!?!?
Oh, great going Payne! That was our last roll of film!
Look, I'm sorry guys! I'll do better next time!
There isn't gonna BE a next time now!
That was gonna be good too!
I know! Prosecutor Friends! Good job on that script by the way Manfred.
Thanks.
That's it. I'm going to my trailer for some alone time! And by that I mean SULKING not ma-
Yeah, I'll be at Starbucks.
Can I come?
Sure, bring you're friends. Oh, that's right! No one likes you!
...At this point even I don't like me...
I'm gonna turn off the security camera in Edgeworth's room.
I already said I'm not ma-
Am I late?
...You weren't even invited.
I'm gonna go get more lines.

...I like it...

---

(Edit: Accidently posted too soon. Will finish soon)

---

Chinese Infantry presents (after being an extreme lazy-ass, and apologizing for double posting):



*Sigh*

*Location: Darzfirst Airport*

Man, why didn't I think of this before. Instead of sitting in a cramped helicopter listening to some smartass pilot while trying to take pictures, I get to chill on a plane *looks at ticket* riding first class all the way to Japan.

*Location: Airport Security Checkpoint*

Now to just place my bags on the conveyor belt and...

MANFRED VON KARMA? I THOUGHT YOU WERE IN JAIL!

No, I got time off for good behavior, because I'm perfect like that...

On a murder sentence?

Yeah. Unfortunately, I couldn't go back to my old job, so I landed a job as airport security. At least I get to taser people...

That's all fine and dandy, but why are you wearing a female uniform?

Besides the fact that CR has an unhealthy obsession with men in women's clothing? Well, there was a shortage on men's uniforms, so they had to issue Gant and I women's uniforms.

*Also wearing women's uniform* Ohhh cmon, Manny-poo, they're comfy, and you get a nice breeze between your legs. Besides, you look hot in one.

Gant, I swear to God...

Ok, guys, I'm just going to place my bag on the conveyor belt and walk through the metal detector now *places bag on belt and walks through metal detector. Does not go off*

Sir, you've been randomly selected for additional screening!

WHAT? THE METAL DETECTOR DIDN'T EVEN GO OFF!

Sorry, son, but ever since 9/11, we can't take any chances with suspected terrorists. *Puts on latex gloves* Now take off your shoes and belt. I'm going to have to check every part of you for anything that might be an explosive.

......

*30 minutes later*

Ok, looks like you're clean.

You know, you didn't need to spend so much time on my bathing suit area, I mean how many times can you check for weapons there?

You can never be too sure...

TOO SURE? YOU WERE TRYING TO WHACK ME OFF FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES. HOW IS THAT CONSIDERED...

Do you want to be searched again? Because I'd gladly do it again.

Noooo, I'll just be on my way *leaves*

*Walks through metal detector*

Hi, little boy, what's your name?

Uuuuhhhhhh, Cody?

Cody... *snaps on latex gloves* you've been randomly selected for additional screening!

Mommy!

*Location: Waiting Area*

*Sigh* At least the flight won't be as bad.

We regret to inform you that Flight CI-1337 to Tokyo, Japan has been delayed for about 2 hours due to weather conditions.

And what would a flight be without a delay. At least it will give my ass time to recover before I have to sit down...

*2 hours later*

We regret to inform you that Flight CI-1337 to Tokyo, Japan has been delayed again for another hour due to engine troubles...

Another delay? First I get raped by a crossdressing airport security guard and now my flight has been delayed twice? DID I SWITCH LUCK WITH MAGGEY OR SOMETHING?

*Location: Las Vegas*

Yes yes YES! And that marks the third jackpot I've won tonight.

What are you going to do with all that money?

First, I'm going to buy all of CI's shit, then I'm going to buy you a nice steak dinner!

Aww! I love you, Maggey!

*Insert Gumshoe/Maggey cuteness here*

*Location: The Waiting Area*

We regret to inform you that flight CI-1337 has been delayed another hour because the pilot and co-pilot are busy having lesbian sex. Footage of the two getting it on will be issue to all first class passengers during the flight.

Dammit! That better be worth it.

HEY, MISTER! Aren't you that Richard Wellington guy, who mommy always says is a big loser.

Kid, for the last time, LEAVE ME ALONE!

*Grab's Richard's Camera*

HEY! MY CAMERA!

Ha ha! You want it back! You can't have it. Liars don't deserve cameras!

GIVE IT BACK, DAMMIT!

Is there a problem.

Yes, there is. Your son took my camera and won't give it back.

He's just curious, that's all. Can't you see he's just a kid.

JUST A KID! HE WAS FRIGGIN' TAUNTING ME AND THEN HE SNATCHED MY CAMERA AWAY FROM ME!

No I wasn't, mommy!

Just show him how it works.

Alright, first you have to give me the camera.

Why should it?

Well, I can't demonstrate it if I don't have the camera.

Fine *gives him the camera*

And I'm off.

Waaa! MOMMY!

Quit your whining, kid, she's not even your real mother anyways...

That's not true?

Of course, I could just show the revealing photographs I happen to have with me that prove it.

But....

STAY AWAY FROM ME! YOU'RE NOT MY MOMMY!

(Maybe that was a bit too much. Nahh, that little shit deserved it anyways. Fuggin' kids get away with too much these days...)

*7 hours (and delays) later*

We regret to inform you that Flight CI-1337 has been delayed...

WHAT? WHAT IS THE FLIGHT BEING DELAYED FOR THIS TIME?

...Because we just realized we were behind on our delay quota.

You've got to be kidding me...

*Another 7 hours and delays later*

Flight CI-1337 will be boarding now!

Finally! Took long enough.

*Location: Aboard the plane, First Class*

Like, sorry sir, but I'm going to have to, like, move you back to coach because, like, a very important person requested your seat.

WHAT? WHO COULD BE IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO KICK ME OUT OF MY SEAT?

(Can'tFaketheFunk)*Comes in with and on either arm* Ahh yes, Ini, I'm glad you were able to secure me my first class seat.

WHAT? FUNK? YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

Yes I can!

THAT'S AGAINST THE LAW!

SCREW THE LAW, I WRITE GOOD FRISKIAN FANFICTION!

Like, he's got a point.

Do I still get my footage of the pilot and co-pilot being lesbians?

Like, no! Instead you, like, get a framed photograph of Grossberg, like, sunbathing in the nude.

Gross...

Now, IN THE BACK WITH THE REST OF THE SLIME, YA VERMIN!

(Great, the only seats left are in the way back)

*Location: Coach*

Hey, shove over, pal!

n0 w4y, n00b. 7H3 M1DDL3 S347 suxx0rz. j00 g3t 1n 17!

Come on, I don't bite...hard....

*Sigh* Did either of you bother to put deodorant on?

What's deodorant?

D30D0R4N7 1z 4 n00bs!

(This is going to be one long ass flight...)

*Location: Same damn location, except when the plane is actually flying.*

Good evening passengers, welcome aboard Gantfred Airlines, my name is Lana Skye and I'll be your captain this evening. Your co-pilot this evening will be Mia Fey.

That would explain the lesbian stuff...

Couple things this evening. One is that we ran out of Dr. Pepper and Salted Peanuts and won't be able to serve them tonight.

Dammit, my favorite flight snacks...

Also, the inflight movie will be "One of Every Color" as directed by Croik. "A touching tale of romance between a defense attorney and a prosecutor" said one critic. Rated NC-17. Why are we playing an NC-17 movie aboard a flight with children on it. Well at Gantfred Airlines, we just do stuff that way. Thank you and enjoy the flight.

(Somehow, I doubt I will...)

*1 hour later*

Like, what can I get you sir.

How about a coffee.

Very well.

*1 minute later*

You, like, do realize since your in coach, you only get, like, imitation coffee.

WHAT? IMITATION COFFEE! WHO WOULD MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

It's not just any imitation coffee. It's CI-BRAND IMITATION COFFEE! IT'S JUST AS GOOD AS THE REAL THING! 9 OUT OF 10 COFFEE ADDICTS CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE! WHY DID I MAKE IMITATION COFFEE? I DON'T KNOW, BUT YOU WILL BUY IT FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF $29.99! CI-BRAND IMITATION COFFEE: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT COFFEE!

(I should've known. At least the advertisement for the funny is over.)

*1 minute later*

*About to take sip of CI-BRAND I...*NO ADS! *err, just imitation coffee.*

*Sneezes and gets snot in Wellington's "coffee"*

GROSS!

What?

Why did you sneeze in my coffee?

I didn't mean to, besides, it was only that imitation crap anyways.

WELL, AT LEAST IT'S BETTER THAN NOTHING!

...I remember the days of my youth! Like the scent of fresh lemons...

Great, how could this get any worse.

*In seat in front of Richard* Udgey needs to rest his old bones *reclines seat all the way back, spilling cup of coffee all over Richard's lap*

.........

h4 h4 h4! j00 g0t pwn3d, n00b!

(I could just cry right now...)

*3 hours later*

*insert warning lights of impending doom here*

Ahem, this is your captain speaking. It appears that the engines just failed and we are about to crash into the Pacific Ocean. Now would be a good time to pray to whatever deity you believe in for forgiveness. Thank you for flying Gantfred Airlines. We understood you have a choice in choosing airlines, and it looks like you picked the wrong one *bails with lesbian partner...errr...Mia*

Everyone onboard: AHHH, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE.

You know, considered all I've been through, I actually welcome this....

Coming up next time, on Richard Wellington: Freelance Photojournalist, will the plane crash into the Pacific Ocean?

(RevFirst) Yes!

Will Richard Wellington make it out of the crash alive?

Of course, dumbass, it's not like it's crashing into a volcano or something.

Will he be able to get the scoop on Phoenix and Maya's honeymoon?

Does the pope shit in the woods?

REV! STOP ANSWERING THESE QUESTIONS!

I can do whatever I want, I make flash movies!

WHY YOU LITTLE!

*Funny ended abruptly*

TO BE CON-FRIGGIN'-TINUED...

---

LOL!!! XDDD!!! I love the Gant and delaying parts X3~~~

---

That was great CI!!!! Its good to see a funny from you again!!!

---

ROFL CI

---

@ CI:



Because you know what they say...

---

CL, you're funnies pwn mine. At least tell me mine didn't suck THAT bad...
I kinda liked it!
...My only fan has no fans.

---

(RevFirst) : Chinese Infantry has portrayed me like some lunatic. Even though that may be true, I prefer treating people equal.

*shows God-Modding Kit*

(RevFirst) : With this, I can control CI and make him say things that will...

(RevFirst) : ...Uh...

(RevFirst) : Really piss him off!



: Welcome back to Channel Six: Turnabout News. I've just got back from the jail cell... Such scarring memories. Anyways, a boy is believed to have been abducted at a local chicken resturant owned by Damon Gant. The description of the boy has yet to have been released but a few witnesses identified the man as big and wearing a chef's hat. Here is the sketch of the person:



: Please, if you know the whereabouts of this bastard, contact us immediately!

: Our beloved daughter! What have you done!?

: O... K...

: Thanks, Winston Payne was last seen in his prosecution office before he was apparently raped and kidnapped. If you know the whereabouts of this... bastard, contact us immediately!

: Darnit, what's with you people? Why are your minds always in the gutter? Why can't you fellas be more pure minded?!

: Shut up pathetic human.

: Ye, yessir. I'll be quiet now.

: This is another stage in my plan to take over the word!... And you're my new lacky.

: Do I get paid?

: I'll let you own Europe!

: Europe? Meh, it will do for now.

: And now my... minion. Go and steal for me..... Godot's most expensive cup in the world!

: Breaking News! The dog Missle has come to challenge Shoe.

: Nigga what? My name's Snoop Dogg, bitch! *bitch-smack*

: ...Ow.

: In other news a note was left on our studio.

Note : Whatever nigga - Anonymous

: (I hope they don't found out I wrote it...)

: And what a day it has been here at-

: Is this the bathroom?

: Enough is enough! I have had it with the mothafucking bullshit in this mothafucking news broadcast!

: ...For once, Godot... You've actually made a point.

: I apologize for that, it must be due to my lack of coffee. *sips coffee* COFFEEEEEEEEE!

: ...And now over to Gumshoe and his so-called-

: Hot Fuzz is a summery of my sex life...

: ......

: In related news, the fight of the sidekicks continues. For this match, Maya has won by fatality.



: Damn! My sister really can take a knife to the head.

: In other news, a man with a near death experience has just stated that the afterlife is filled with coffee.

: What!? *hangs*

: Yeah! He's finally gone!

& : *start dancing to Backstreet Boys music*

: The bond shall not be broken!

: *Magically comes back to life*

: Thanks alot Minuki...

: It was muthafucking horrible! There was nothing but tea!

Location: ???
: ...

: I now suddenly have the urge to sin!

: Yes, I shall form a team to rival that blasted Turnabout News cast. Stooping down to their level must be one of life's biggest sins itself! I can see it now...



: Okay... Maybe I need to work on my thoughts some more...

Back to Channel Six: Turnabout News
(Chinese Infantry) : Hello everybody!

*audience applauses*

: Why, hello there Chinese Infantry.

(Chinese Infantry) : Hey Lana, can I marry your sister?

: I have a sister?

: *wispers to her*

: Oh yeah, she's dead.

(Chinese Infantry) : Oh, my sweet Ema! What could hav-I'm a little teapot, short and filled with RevThirst!

: What!?

(Chinese Infantry) : Oh, nothing. It's that damn Re-pulsive sex-toy! I chuck it up The Man!

(DarzieP) : What's going on here?

(Chinese Infantry) : Please, help me-Cheese is calling my name!

: Really!? I thought I was the only one! Such... Dark... Memories...

: It's RevFirst, he owns this studio with DarzieP. He has the God-Modding Kit.

: Where is he?

Later
: We looked all over the site and we couldn't find him, pal.

(Chinese Infantry) : Why, God!? WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! *runs*

Backstage
(DarzieP) : *sips* Crunk Juice... where have you been all my life?

(Chinese Infantry) : Gonna kick some DarzieP!

(DarzieP) : What the fuck!? Get away from me! Ahhhhh!

After the incident
(Chinese Infantry) : So Darzie, who are you planning to take me up the ass!?

(Chinese Infantry) : Goddamn you Re-lentlessly smart thingy!

(RevFirst) : *behind the bushes* Fuck, I ran out of good shit to say.

(DarzieP) : Ok, my plan is to use Rev's fear of ostriches to flush him out. To do this, I've enlisted the help of the one of my pet ostriches, Bwiiiir.

(Chinese Infantry) : I guess this could work.

(DarzieP) (DarzieP) : Wrong. It's a crunk plan.

(Chinese Infantry) : ...Okay.

(DarzieP) : Go, Bwiiiir! Attack... I mean... find RevFirst!

: Bwiiiiir. *attacks*

(Chinese Infantry) : Not me! Stop! I hate you Darzie!

(DarzieP) : Bad Bwiiiir, BAD! Ack!

Ten minutes later...

(DarzieP) Ok, so using Bwiiiir was a bad idea.

(Chinese Infantry) : I've the scars to prove that from Damon Gant last night!

(Chinese Infantry) : Fuck you RevFiiiiiiiiiiirst!!!

: Yeaaaaaaaaah!

(DarzieP) : Not now!

: Okaaaaaaaay! Yo' not getting any of my Crunk Juice nigga. *leaves*

: *behind the bushes* Like, it's a good thing I'm recording this on live.

(RevFirst) : Yeah, I know. *sips RevThirst*

: *comes up to RevFirst and Ini*

: The penguins in Surf's Up got me sexually excited! They were all sweating with style and stuff!

(Chinese Infantry) : I think I just heard something.

(DarzieP) : Yeah. Let's kill him! *brings out... bollocks?*

: Like, what the fuck's wrong with you?!

: Sorry, pal. It's just that you have the camera...

(RevFirst) : Oh great, CI and DarzieP heard us and are coming over.

(Chinese Infantry) : Well, well, well. If it isn't Mr Flash-whore.

(RevFirst) : Flash-whore!? I can say som-

(Chinese Infantry) : Wait till my next part of Beef Richard Wellington: Freelance...uhhh...Phototaker Guy, bucko!

(DarzieP) : And watch out for my mad MSPaint skills, bitch!

: Bwiiiiir.

: OH SHIT!



: Like, all's well that ends well, I guess.

: That quote's by William Shakespeare and he's my role model...

: For uncommon reasons.

To be continued...

Last edited by RevFirst on Mon Jun 25, 2007 9:55 pm, edited 8 times in total.

Double post with 2 purposes.
1) To inform you that the new part is up. (Duh...) *smacked*
2) I'm just gonna edit this for the fixed versions of the parts archive.

Damn godmodding! I'll have at thee!

*epic bitch fight*

---

Ohhh, it's on, Rev. It's on like Genghis Khan!

---

CI, Rev, you guys are pwnage. Anyways...
----
OK, now for the first scene of MAN!
Before we start this, might I ask if this story will make a lick of sense?
I'm a thirteen year old boy with way too much time on my hands, and if you've seen how idiotic my other funnies, you know how this will turn out.
Ah.
--------
*insert overdramatic opening credits sequence that fades to a courtroom scene*
We can start court in a second. Just let me see how my coffee tastes with this in it...*Drops a rock in*
Was that Uranium?
Yes it is...
Ugh! It tastes like crap!
That was my face!
And, with the radioactive coffee flowing through his vains, MAN was born.

---

scene 1 - Mori, Gumshoe's (crack!) half-japanese nephew.

*shy wave*
Hey, Takashi! You came all the way from Tokyo for the summer just to see your Uncle Dick?
..... *nods*
Come here and give me a hug, pal! =D *pulls Mori into a bear hug*
.....!!!
*raises brow* What in the world is wrong with the kid, Detective?
Um... He's just a bit quiet, sir.
*glances at Mori* Hm. "A bit", you say..
...... *stares back*
.....
... ^.^;
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
scene 2 - Mori vs. CI

*yellling into his cellphone* Come on!! My uncle is broke as fuck and cannot cook to save his life.. Can't you pay for me if we go out and eat?! Please???
(CI) *evil chuckle* In one condition, Asian boy....
...... *sigh* (I knew there was going to be catch. -_-)
You let me use your cam corder and you come with me to record/spy on Phoenix and Maya in his apartment tonight doing... certain things. It's their anniversary~. *smirk*
..AND LOTTA BUNNY GETS IT TONIGHT. IT BURNS IN A FIRE!
*grr* Damn you, CI.. >.> *almost close to breaking his cellphone*
(had just come in the door* Hey, pal, is something wrong?
*quickly hangs up and goes back to silent boy mode* ....... *shakes his head to Gumshoe's question*
Good. <3 *ruffles his nephew's hair before walking off*
-elsewhere-
*chuckles evilly to himself as he hangs up as well*

CI = 1
Mori = 0
---------------------------------------------------------------------
-insert Monty Python "intermission" music here*http://youtube.com/watch?v=b4wSuWpZp-Q
/ = ???
/ = ???
----------------------------------------------------------------------
scene 3 -

Thank you Mr. Morinozuka.
You can borrow us as models anytime, Mori. ;D
No problem, ladies. *watches them walk away* *finished sketching a yuri commision* *sigh* The lesbians think I'm such a sweetie~. *amused grin*
Hey, Mori-kun!
.....?
How about a threesome of my sister, Miss Skye and me? Maybe you'll like me more, too? =D
.... Nah. Then you'd be a little girl trying to play with the big girls.
..ALKJDHFKLASJDKJLASD! D< *smacks the crap out of Mori*
x__X!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
scene 4

Hey, Mori...
....?
Is there a way you can hook me up with Ema? You are good friends with the Skyes, right?
*nods*
And you can talk to them without being a pervert... Because you're gay. So....
*sigh* Ok, I get it, I get it! But on one condition!
....Shit. *already knows it can't be good*
You get me "One of every color": Director's cut edition, and then we got ourselves a deal~.
You know that'd be hard to find, man!
Ebay, my good friend. Ebay. =D

CI = 1
Mori = 1
....draw.. For now. *knows CI's gonna get Mori back soon* >.>

---

It's on Mori. It's on like Elton John!

It's on like Phoenix Wrong!

It's on like Stacy's Mom!

It's on like Gant in a thong!

It's on like Panel de Pon!

It's on like a hit to tha' Gong!

It's on like Reggae, mon!

It's on like...

ENOUGH, CI! WE'RE TRYING TO ENJOY OUR HONEYMOON!

Not if I have anything to say about it...

---

Aw shit. Takashi can't rap to save his life. D= *darth vader NOOOOOOOooooOOOOOOoo*

CI = 2
Mori = 1

(I'll be back!
...and I think you had me at Gant in a bloody thong. DX *scarred*)

---

(Waffleman): Here I come to save the daaaaay~! I shall save Mori!

(W-man): I....yo...you....dawg......Shit, I can't rap either.

CI = 2
Mori = 1
Waffleman= -1

Oh noez Mori! Okay that's it. Clear the stage.

TIME FOR LYSS TO BUST SUM LYRICS

Yo

I’m the one an only LySs
Frappuccinnos give me bliss
An I’m not here to diss
Phoenix/Maya is number one on my pairing list

You can try to kick it old skool
But as Franny would say “Don’t be a foolish fool”
Cuz ol’ Gant will be watchin you
He’s hiding out in your backyard pool

Godot can go and kiss my rump
Cuz black coffee really is t3h suck
And now I shall give mah criteria
That frappuccinos are SUPERIOR!

....

Word to ya motha.

---

[Kazo]: *stares blankly at them all, then blast Rammstein loudly, blowing them all away.

Didn't you possess Mia before?

[Kazo]: I dyed my hair.

Ah.

*moment of silence*

Do you want to come back to my place?

[Kazo]: *thinks* Sure, why not.

---

Pfft.

Y'all think you got some phat beats?
Listen up children, go back to the bedsheets.
Pissin' yer pants, y'all know yer in trouble
'cause Mix-Master Funk bust in on the double
and starts kickin' ass--sorry ta burst yer bubble
But I'm gonna reduce all this shit to rubble.

---

Why RevFirst should never rap.

(RevFirst) : What the Hell is going on here?

: You better explain it before I take it on someone's rear!

(RevFirst) : MC Rev is here to be a smash hit...

(RevFirst) : Even though I can't even rap for shit.

(Chinese Infantry) : Ohhh, it's on, Rev. It's on like Genghis Khan!

(RevFirst) : Better not test me 'cause you're a shook one, son.

(Chinese Infantry) : Just wait for the next round. Till then, just have your little fun. *leaves*

(RevFirst) : Even though it's just Phoenix Wright Funnies, I'm still tempted to bring out my gun.

(RevFirst) : CantFaketheFunk's teaching the rest about the old-school.

(RevFirst) : I got some advice for you-

(DarzieP) : Don't act a fool!

(RevFirst) : Stop it Darzie or I'm gonna lose my cool.

(DarzieP) : Look at my score.

DarzieP = 999
CI = 2
Mori = 1
Waffleman= -1

(RevFirst) : How the fuck!? They're be pretty soar...

(DarzieP) : Okay. That rhyme now just plain sucked. And yeah, I did this using Crunk Juice.

(RevFirst) : What the deuce?

(DarzieP) : ...*leaves*

(RevFirst) : Yeah, don't mess with me! It's like bringing a knife to a gun fight... It ain't right!

(LySs) : Godot can go and kiss my rump. Cuz black coffee really is t3h suck.

: What the muthafucking fuck!?

(RevFirst) : You two better calm the fuck down.

: Ocean's Thirteen made all my underwear brown!

(RevFirst) : Seriously, I can handle this. *beep* Oh look at the time, I need to get to finishing and show that particular part in Phoenix Wrong: Next Gen.

: When?

(RevFirst) : Uh... Look over there! *runs*

*random voice of Attorney Hatman* : Guess that motherfucka got jacked up!

---

To anyone who cares about Phoenix Wrong: Next Gen (You know who you are.):
I been having too many interferences (like right now) to have finished the part sooner.
It'll be shown on Thursday (latest) as long as things don't mess up for me this time.

*gets out Mess Up Things For Rev kit*

(DarzieP) I knew this thingy I bought from CI would come in handy one of these days.

(RevFirst) Darzie, what are you d-*crowbar'd*

(Rev's brother) Get your bad taste in music out of here.

(DarzieP) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY TASTE IN MUSIC! *breaks bottle and stabs people*

---

(Godotfan) Hey, Chinese Infantry, I got a problem
(CI) And what would that be?
(Godotfan) My funnies suck!
(CI) I've noticed. Well, try this: Put in sexual innuendo. That works for me. It's the only reason I do this well!
(Godotfan) Maybe I could try insulting people... like you! And you're retarded hair!
(CI) ...No it's not...
(Godotfan) You're right! Compared to Payne's hair, or lack thereof, you're friggin' Fabio!
...My hair likes my hair......
(Godotfan) And you know that Gant guy? He looks like a gigantic brick wall painted like a pedo!
Ahahaha! Good show, Gofey! Tell me, have you been-
(Godotfan) And what's that swimming thing? Some kind of bad pick-up line?
Very good, Gofey! I never thought anyone would figure it out!
(Godotfan) Hm... I see good things with this...

To be continued...
Maybe.

---

Great leaping lilytoads! I'm too white for this rap battle....Unless...OH SNAP! Time to bring out THE ULTIMATE WHITE RAP!

They see me mowin' my front lawn
I know they're all thinkin' I'm so
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

I wanna roll with the gangstas
But so far they all think I'm too
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
Really, really white and nerdy

First in my class here at MIT
Got skills, I'm a champion at D&D
M.C. Escher, that's my favorite M.C.
Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea
My rims never spin, to the contrary
You'll find that they're quite stationary
All of my action figures are Cherry's
Stephen Hawking's in my library

My MySpace page is all totally pimped out
Got people beggin' for my top eight spaces
Yo, I know pi to a thousand places
Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise
I'm a wiz at Minesweeper, I could play for days
Once you've see my sweet moves, you're gonna stay amazed
My fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze

There's no killer app I haven't run (run)
At Pascal, well I'm number one (one)
Do vector calculus just for fun
I ain't got a gat, but I got a soldering gun (what?)
Happy Days is my favorite theme song
I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong
I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on
I'm fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon

Here's the part I sing on...

You see me roll on my Segway
I know in my heart they think I'm
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

I'd like to roll with the gangstas
Although it's apparent I'm too
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
How'd I get so white and nerdy

I been browsin', inspectin' X-Men comics
You know I collect 'em
The pens in my pocket, I must protect them
My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
I memorized Holy Grail really well
I can recite it right now and have you R-O-T-F-L-O-L

I got a business doing websites (websites)
When my friends need some code, who do they call?
I do HTML for 'em all
Even made a homepage for my dog, yo
I got myself a fanny pack
They were havin' a sale down at The Gap
Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap
Pop, pop - hope no one sees me gettin' freaky

I'm nerdy in the extreme
Whiter than sour cream
I was in AV club and glee club
And even the chess team
Only question I ever thought was hard
Was "Do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?"
Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Faire
Got my name on my underwear

They see me strollin', they're laughin'
And rollin' their eyes cause I'm so
White and nerdy

Just because I'm white and nerdy
Just because I'm white and nerdy
All because I'm white and nerdy
Holy cow, I'm white and nerdy

I wanna bowl with the gangstas
But oh well, it's obvious I'm
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

DarzieP = 999
CI = 2
Mori = 1
Waffleman= -2
Rev= 1

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Dangit! Waffle beat me to it.
Surely you must know something else.
Well there is Cowboy Troy, but he doesn't count...
Oh come on!
Of course, there's always...*Reaches into back pocket and walks off screen*

DarzieP = 999
CI = 2
Mori = 1
Waffleman= -2
Rev= 1
Elias= OVER 9000!

What now biotch!

---

BULLSHIT! NO-ONE OUT RAPS DARZIE!

Yeaaaaaaaah! This is the way it's goin down
We come in compound releasin double-rounds in hound
Like heat sensors you defend techniques and on match
When I begin to draw back, cover up your cardiac
'Cause I'ma rush ya, when I penetrate feel the pressure
The critical perfectionist, rhythmic expressionist
We comin more deadly that y'all ever been
And you'll be scared to pick the mic up again
Lyrically you on the level of Green, Eggs and Ham
Your best bet is fold 'cause I gots a better hand
Plus I'm steppin like a monster so go-go and scram
You ain't experienced, you lucky if you ride the ambulance
'Cause when you dealin with fool I'm quite fatal
Shape-shiftin brothers like Play Dough
Your rhymes are anal and we ain't got no time to play
No games, put the mic down, boy, try not to say no
More than rhymes 'cause you duplicate like Kinkos
You're a carbon copy with the wrinkles
You actin like some wanker that be rhymin in a Pringle commercial
But you can wear it in rehearsal

Yeah bitchez.

Darzie: 99999
CI = 2
Mori = 1
Waffleman= -2
Rev= 1
Elias= OVER 9000!

---

Darzie, ya think you're crunk but I must object
You be rhymin' over there like an Eminem reject
You think you can be black, but boy, that's a reach
You got the same crunk score as a cracka from Laguna Beach
Look at you over there actin' all elite
But I get rid of you easy as control, alt, and delete
Got so many bitches, think you're on the ball
But with all those whores, you gonna catch 'em all
And I ain't talkin' bout no Pikachu
Burnin' when ya pee, whatcha gonna do?
Alright, by now, you must be torn
So just get back to your Guinness and your "top of the morn"

Darzie: 99999
CI = 2
Mori = 1
Waffleman= 100000
Rev= 1
Elias= OVER 9000!

Respect.

*sigh* Can I have a Guinness Waffleman? Thanks. *Drinks with pills* A-yup.

---

Least I wrote mine. Also blow your stereotypes out your ass.

---

I'm half Irish, so I can half joke about them.

Detective Luke Atmey sees everything that goes one behind the scene of a crime, but can he see why kids love Cinammon Toast Crunch?

Hmm... Hmm... HMMMM! *gasp* These cinammon swirls...!

They are a direct trail that will finally lead me to that accursed Mask*DeMasque!!

Nope!

WHAAAAAAAT??! My astounding deductive abilities have failed me?!! That's impossible!! What kind of trick is this??

It's no trick, detective! There are cinammon-suger swirls on every bite!

I see!

Get a new magnifying glass, genius!

The taste you can see!

Tricky little...

---

Last edited by Mr. Bear Jew on Tue Jul 17, 2007 3:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hey wright, can I have all of you're worldly possessions accept a sweatsuit and a weird blue beanie?

OK, I don't see why not.
--------------
And that's how I REALLY became a hobo.

---

*Insert Canned laughter here*

Thank you, thank you! So, how 'bout them pairings, huh? I mean, Jake/Lotta, Redd/Dee, Adrian/Gumshoe? I haven't seen this much crack since I visited Columbia!

*Insert More Canned laughter here*

And don't get me started about the airline food. Or lack thereof!

*Insert More Canned laughter here*

So this one time, this dude comes up to me, says "Phoenix/Edgeworth for life!" I pimp-slapped him, saying "NO, PHOENIX/MAYA FOR LIFE!"

*Insert More Canned laughter here*

*Turns out she is holding a tape recorder, which plays the laughter every time* That wasn't even a joke.

Ohh, my dear Ema, you know nothing of comedy...

Can we stop this now and just go make love?

No, I have fans to entertain.

What, me, a prerecorded tape, a Lotta!Bunny carcass and stuffed Mia and Lana dolls positioned to look like they are making out?

An audience is an audience!

---

Welcome back to KGSI Prosecutor radio! You're listening to Edge and Fran in the morning!

OK, we're on the line with who is this?

What is this? I have you're mother! This is not a phone!

Then how did you become the seventeenth caller and win a family prize pack of tickets for the Styx concert at Germain theater?

...I did? Oh, I love that band! Could you play one of their songs?

I'm sorry, this is talk radio. We don't play music.

Oh, I'm sorry. I think you've forgotten I have you're mother!

...Right. Fire away!

WHAT? That's you're mother you foolishly foolish fool!

My mom's been dead for five years.

Oh, ok! Now traffic with daddy.

Traffic's a little backed up on the east side on I-270 so you might want to take an alternate-

I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL!!!!!!

...

This has been sponsored by Angel Starr lunch company.

OK, we have a caller on the line, caller, anything to ask us?

EDGEYPOOILOVEYOUSOOMUCH!!! *click*

...

Yes... well... We'll be back right after I... throw up... about something totally unrelated...

---

Now that the rap obsession has ended, I can update man!
----
*Wakes up the morning after being spit on by Godot's radioactive coffee* Ugh. I have a headaHOLY SHIZNIT! *looks in mirror. He's a bit taller, muscular(but not buff)* Wow. *walks out into the main room where Maya and Pearl are waiting for him* Look at me!
*In kitchen* OMFG.....
*In living room, watching TV* Wow, when did you get so big?
I don't know. I think it might have been Godot's radioactive coffee. All I know is that when I woke up I had a headache, but I felt stronger, faster, and generally bigger. *Hand goes off the bottom of the screen* Heck, another part that's bigger is my...
Do me.
What?
Do me. Right here. Right now.
But...
No buts.
But we're in the kitchen.
So?
And Pearl is right over there.
So?
.......
OK!
----removed scene involving a cutting board, a rolling pin, and a jar of mustard----
You know, now that I think about it, we shouldn't have done that in front of Pearl.
Yeah, who knows how much we just tramatized her?
It's OK. Me and Cody have done worse things.
Now that's just nasty. Why did you have to put that in the script?
That line was actually addlib................
and doing

---

bouchicabou
my new album comes out this sursday biscuitheads!

Darzie: 99999
CI = 2
Mori = 1
Waffleman= 100000
Rev= 1
Elias= OVER 9000!
GodotFan= -33

---

Fix'd. 8D

---

This part had me laughing hysterically. Let me guess, you're following the theme of Spiderman?

---

Really fix'd =D

Ayup!
What are you doing here?
Nothin' Richie. *walks off*
Actually yes, I am. I believe on the last page I mentioned i... Hey! No, Yanni! Step away from the CD player! You do not inturrupt a man when he's listening to demi-gods sing!
Uhhh...How exactly are Queen demi-gods?
Because, they are gods on Earth.
They aren't that good!
Die heathen! *pulls out a table leg and smacks Yanni around*
----
OK, now to test this out. Let's see if it will enhance my defense attorney abilities.
random scientist: Are you sure it's smart to use an untested chemical?
How much do I pay you?
random scientist: Enough to make me shut up right now.
Exactly. Anyways, now to get ready to enter this large cylinder which I could do fully dressed but will do in my underpants like any real person who's about to inhale a chemical which he knows will turn him into a villan. *Takes off clothes until he's in his underpants*
Oh Edgey-poo Sr!
Oh no...*runs off*

---