“I’m…hearing something,” Yin says, “Apparently, there’s a special protocol I can unlock. Not sure what made it show up. It should cause something to happen in that room.”

Suddenly, a loud beep rang out through the facility. The throne suddenly exploded, revealing a secret trapdoor in the floor. The group headed down without hesitation.

At the bottom, they discovered a foyer untouched by rubble or debris. A log burned in a fireplace. Stockings hung from the mantle. A Christmas tree sat in the corner of the room. Several chairs were gathered around a central table, on which rested a piece of paper.

“The Battle of Ice: All players must give a gift to the player with the Zodiac Sign after theirs. Pig will give a gift to Rat. Uniforms for the Battle are in the cupboard by the wall.

“The players will have two hours to come up with and create their gifts. If all players are satisfied with what they receive, they will earn the secret Ice Key.”

“Sounds simple enough, Monk says, “So this is just like Christmas, huh?”

“Do we even celebrate Christmas?” Taikong asks, “Would that count as treason?”

“Oh, for one day I’m sure it would be fine!” Mao replies, “Just don’t let President Tan bear about this.”

The group collects costumes from the cupboard and then sets about searching for gifts.

“This is incredibly stupid,” X opines.

———————



Two hours later, every player (batting Sunny and Yin) reunites in the Christmas foyer. They’re all dressed up like Holiday alts in a mobile gacha game.

“Alright, guess I’m first,” Taikong says, looking quite strapping in red and green combat fatigues and a knit cap. “Here’s your present, General!”

He holds out a medal—the same one he’d received earlier but with “Best General Ever” scribbled over the surface in green crayon. Mao, however, looks very satisfied and immediately pins it to his outfit.

“Ho ho ho! What an excellent present!” Mao replies, “I’ll cherish it more than any of my other accolades.”

Mao, of course, looks uncomfortably similar to Santa Claus in his Santa suit, which seems to be slowly consuming him.

“Here you go, Doctor! I got you something really great,” Mao says, handing Amandi a long box. “And Suyin, put that eggnog down, or I’ll put coal in your stocking!”

Suyin ignores him, instead choosing to down another bottle of the nog.

Amandi has traded his lab coat for an expensive suit Scrooge might have worn in his youth, accented with a red tie. He opens the box and discovers a new cane. It’s quite large, and composed of white and black steel.

“Thank you, Mao,” he says, “What exactly is this?”

“It’s an incredible piece of military technology our army stole from Switzerland,” Mao explains, “It was invented by an Angela Ziegler. It’s supposed to be an excellent tool for a doctor.”

“Interesting. Let’s try it out.”

Amandi stabs Mao in the gut with a shiv, nearly killing him, then raises the staff into the air. The top of the staff opens, pouring yellow light into Mao and healing his wounds.

“That’s incredible,” Amandi says, “This should be quite useful. ”

“Okay,” Mei asks, “What the fuck was that?”

“Anyway, here’s your gift, Juanli.”

Amandi hands the woman a wrapped present. Juanli unwraps the paper on the box and finds…nothing!

“Really?” Juanli asks.

“No, you misunderstand,” Amandi replies, “The present was the wrapping paper. It’s unique qualities and patterns would make it perfect for your paper crafts!”

“Alright, I guess that’s acceptable,” Juanli says, sighing. She grabs the wrapping paper and, with lightning-quick motions, folds it into the shape of a cool dragon!

“And here’s your gift, Sunny. I just wish I could give it to you in person.”

A large screen above the fireplace shows Sunny watching with interest. His room inexplicably contains numerous Christmas lights, and he’s wearing a reindeer costume.

“Whoa, that’s so cool!” Sunny shouts, “But…I just saw you make that. Does that mean I get another present too?”

The others cast jealous glances at Juanli, enraged that her son might get an additional present.

“Uhh…” Juanli stammers, “Hey, Sunny! Why don’t you watch this!”

She pulls on the tail of the paper dragon, causing non-paper flames to blast out of its mouth. The flames immediately consume the Christmas tree, causing it to collapse to the ground in a blaze of horrific glory. The group watches, unconcerned.

“Wow that was so cool! Thanks, Mama!” Sunny shouts, “Now it’s your turn, Yin!”

“I don’t expect much,” Yin replies, occupying the same screen as Sunny. “Unless you can free me from this horrible prison.”

“Well, I can’t do that,” Sunny replies, “But I did draw this really cool picture of you riding a big snake! And it can fly too! And breathe fire! And you’re roasting a bunch of evil American soldiers!”

Sunny holds the picture up to one of the cameras in his room.

“Ha. Hee. Ha. Ha.” Yin says, smiling. “That’s very cool, actually. Thank you, Sunny. Now, Mei, it’s your turn.”

“Great. I get the ghost’s present,” Mei says, pressing her knuckle against her forehead. Her outfit was exactly the same, aside from a black Santa hat with “BAH, HUMBUG” stitched across the bottom.

“Unfortunately, Mei, I couldn’t think of a way to give you a gift due to my current condition,” Yin says, “I thought I’d sing you a song instead.”

Yin begins to perform a song with heartwarming emotional lyrics. Her computerized voice makes it sound pretty terrible, but Mei is moved to tears regardless.

“That was…” she sniffs, seeming to be more awake. “Actually some good shit. Thank you, Yin, that’s the best present I’ve ever gotten.”

“Hey, what about that hat I gave you last year!” Taikong shouts, forgetting that he’s never celebrated Christmas before. “I thought that was pretty good.”

“Well, anyway, here’s your present, Suyin,” Mei says, tossing a box at Suyin’s face. “It’s really bad, but I tried my best.”

Suyin struggles to open the paper with her brain addled by eggnog, so she just rips the box apart. Inside is a beautiful necklace made of the smallest rubble in Ground Zero, handpainted various colors.

“Wow, this is actually really nice,” Suyin replies, slinging the necklace over her shoulder. “Thanks, Mei.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Mei mumbles, stealing a glass of Suyin’s eggnog.

“Anyway, it’s my turn,” Suyin says, “Here you are, Amethyst. Enjoy.”

Amethyst takes her present from Suyin and unwraps it. It’s long, fancy socks!

“Ooh, that’s disappointment in a box!” Monk says, chuckling.

“Are these the socks you were wearing two hours ago?” Amethyst asks.

“Err…no. Of course not,” Suyin suspiciously replies.

“Eh, who cares,” Amethyst says, immediately putting the socks on. “I love thigh-high socks.”

“I hope my present is better than that,” Fujisaki mumbles, “Or there will be consequences.”

Amethyst flinches away from him but quickly regains her courage.

“Well, I’m pretty proud of mine,” she says, “Here take a look.”

Amethyst hands Fujisaki a long, oddly shaped present. He unwraps it, discovering a mechanical arm.

“Ah, excellent. A backscratcher,” he says, proceeding to rub the fingers of the arm across his back.

“Uhh…actually, it’s a prosthetic arm,” Amethyst explains, “You can just plug it into your little, uh, stump there.”

Fujisaki nods his head, and then shoves the arm into his body. He stares at it in awe, flexing each finger individually.

“Oh, and you can also use it to shoot laser beams.”

Fujisaki tries it out, sending several bright blue laser beams flying around the room. Once accidentally hits Mao, obliterating his head. Fortunately, Amandi raises his staff and says “Heroes never die!”, saving him.

“I know someone who’s getting a massive lump of coal next year,” a newly re-animated Mao grumbles.

Fujisaki bows to Amethyst and then turns to X, who looks mostly the same other than that all her bandages have been replaced with colorful ribbons and wrapping paper. A green bow sits in her hair. Despite all this, she still looks vaguely unsettling.

“You had absolutely no idea what to get me,” X says, “You even asked around, but no one else did either.”

“That about sums it up,” Fujisaki replies, “So I just decided to give you the most economically valuable present of all: money.”

Fujisaki hands X a thousand yuan.

“Huh. That works, actually,” X replies, turning to Monk. “Alright, Monk, you present is not physical, but I think it’s something you will enjoy.”

She reaches up and grabs her makeshift bandages.

“This, of course, is the wrapping.”

“Whoa,” Monk replies, sweating. “I’m not sure about this.”

X removes the ribbons over her face and then shoots streams of water from her eyes, completely drenching Monk. However, the impromptu bath also cleans off his clothes and face, leaving him sparkling and fragrant.

“Oh, thanks, I needed that. Now, last but not least,” Monk smiles, tipping his hat. “I have a doozy of a present for you, Taikong!”

Monk pulls out a large bag and spills it onto the floor. Out pours a Ferrari, a discharge slip from the army, loads of chocolates and delightful food, a fruitcake, real estate, and a fancy suit.”

“H-Huh?” Taikong shouts, staring at the floor. “How did you get all this?”

“Easy,” Monk explains, “I’m Santa Claus.”

“What?” everyone says.

Then Monk whistles with his hands, and the wall breaks to pieces as thirteen reindeer and a sleigh rush into the room. They prance to the center of the foyer and stop, as if waiting for their passengers.

“And this is our ride!” Santa Monk shouts. “Everyone pick a reindeer and hope onboard! We’re getting out of here!”

“Finally,” Fujisaki says, aiming his laser hand at Comet in order to finally sacrifice him.

“Wait, this can’t be possible,” Mao shouts, “Santa has a big belly, rosy cheeks, and a white beard, like me! You don’t look like that at all!”

“An eternity is plenty of time to change your style,” Monk explains, “And as for the belly, I’ve been working out lately. I had to make a change after Mrs. Claus left me.”

“This doesn’t make any sense,” X says, “How could you be Santa Claus? That’s an awful twist. It doesn’t fit any of the clues I’ve been gathering at all.”

“Who cares, this thing has been going for way too long anyway,” Mei says, “Let’s just get out of here.”

“What about me and Yin?” Sunny asks.

The group all climbs on a reindeer and heads out through the hole in the wall. Monk sits in the sleigh and orders them to go. They soar out of the room and into a blistering snowstorm, passing dramatically over the full moon.

Then Sunny turns to the camera and smiles.

“God bless us, everyone!”

The bomb continues to tick down behind him…

The Battle of Fire:

This game will place players in teams of 5 and pit them against each other in tactical combat. All players must be alive for this battle.

The team leaders for this game will be Tiger and Horse.

This battle will take place in a series of rounds, as both teams compete against each other in a Go tournament. The winner of each round will advance in the tournament, but the loser will be given a lethal dose of a chemical weapon.

The battle will begin when all players have entered a sleeping pod in the Tiger room. Matches will be conducted through virtual screens in the top of the sleeping pods.

Tiger’s Team: Ox, Monkey, Rooster, Dog
Horse’s Team: Rat, Rabbit, Sheep, Pig

Quarterfinal Matchups:
Sheep vs. Dog
Rabbit vs. Ox
Pig vs. Monkey
Rat vs. Rooster

You can win a round in two ways: either by beating your opponent in a game of Go or by killing them. If two members of the same team are forced to compete, one may forfeit the match. The other player will move up in the tournament, and the one who forfeits will remain alive.

The leaders’ main function is to develop group strategy. They will only play once a winner of the tournament is declared. That winner will have to compete against the opposing team’s leader to win the Fire Key.

Footnote: The Snake room will be locked for the duration of the trial. Once the trial is over, Dragon will be released from the Dragon room.

May good fortune be upon you.