Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Gender: Male
Location: Scotland
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Q1.
boy; where do candy cains come from?
Teach; You pick up a young child and you put him in the candy cain amchine which is looked over by the candy cane master who is in charge of all things candycainness.
Boy; What's his name
Teach; Rupert
Boys; surname
Teach; Rupertson
Q2.
Boy; whats the anme of the snowman on your tie?
Teach; which one (theres over 100 snowmen on his tie)
Boy; the one at teh top. no to the right, no down a bit. yeah that one.
teach; her name is Sally-Ann
Q3.
Other boy; ok, ill have one question, u have one, u can have one and Cameron, you cant have oen cuz u'll probabely ask if their's a new star wars film... the answers no.
(i actually wasnt going to ask if tehre was a star wars film. I was going to ask if he selled bibles :P)
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Good 'til the last drop.
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*sticks his head out into the hall* RAPE!
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
~There's Some Sorrow In Every Life~
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This film pokes fun at the media, and poking is always good fun!
*walking down the corridor* *points with both hands and strides towards me* *points back nervously* You! Y..yes? Where were we in that film we were watching? Was it the bit were the guy pokes himself in the eyes? Well...I don't know where were are on Thursday. Just hang out at the coffee place and I'll find you there! ;D(Note:
= the only really really funny teacher at my college)
blah blah enzmes blah blah
Can we have the lesson off tomorow? Pleeeaaaase? No! Pleaaaaase!!!?? No!...Wait a sec *looks in diary* I..I seem to have a doctor's appointment booked over your lesson.... YES!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
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: Because I am now a member of AARP, [insert ANY STATEMENT here]\ : Anyway, my birthday is coming up soon...
: Oh, yeah! You're going to be, like, 50, right? (don't remember exactly was it was, tho)
: ...You weren't supposed to mention that!
: Unlike the Trojans did, the Achilles, the Odysseus, the Agamemnon, etc...
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Hey, What's up ,man?
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teach me
kyle test today! on the wonderful world of chemistry!... uh...isn't it just on atoms? Atoms? we are studying atoms...aren't we? and? your point? ...the test? oh! it's not today THEN WE STUDIED FOR NOTHING!? *jumpes* haha just kidding! it's today... i hate this class... think about it scientifically for a moment, what would you do if we didn't have a test today? i would scientifically walk out the door... good ansewr! go on! walk out! wha? ok? *walks out* BEEP BEEP! no leaving the class! but you told me...! ...do i have to trow my coffee at you? i'll save my last cup...just for you. *can't help but crack up*wow, that was funny
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Otaku, #1 Machi fan, #2 Machi Fan
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ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOGANT
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
The Cookie is the murder weapon.
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:And this is how enzymes work! *hugs student*Chemistry:
:Germanium was discovered in...Germany.It was named after...Germany.
It was discovered by...Jews.
Maths:
:Is that a question or an answer?(He always asks this >.<)
:Question... :*Pulls an 'Oh for the love of crap' face*P.E.:
(English, btw)
:Onegai, sensei...
:*Ignores* :T.TElectronics:
:To be honest, I don't care.
:I've waited my whole life for someone to say that.English:
:SING IT, MISS!
:No.Art:
:It's gotta have the X-FACTOR! Y'know...
"The camera is glaring at me...*glares*"-Edgey
"...Think of the kittens!"-Pheonix
Actually, those quotes fit well together O.o
"...Think of the kittens!"-Pheonix
Actually, those quotes fit well together O.o
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
SINE! COSINE! OBJEC TION!
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Teacher: This is the answer to the problem! (Some number multiplied by a number) Are there any more square numbers here?
Me: None!
T: Are you sure?
M: Yes I'm sure!
T: Are you willing to bet your arm?
M: Yes I am!
T: Well now, your arm is mine! (Apparently, there were square numbers in that equation.)
That is why my teacher has 3 pairs of arms; his own, mine + another classmate's arm, and a pair of arms from a 3rd classmate.
Oh yeah, and a batch mate lost his soul, future wife, future children, house, money hair, possessions, and everything he will ever have to our history teacher.
Made by the awesome Vickinator!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
SHINing key~kayfaradaylove.
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Then he veers of to talk more about the condition of Africa, and then veers back to money.
Mr T: "So, have I told you this before?"
all the kids hate him, so we just kind of nod kind of a small nod. like, really really really really really hate him.
Mr. T: "Right, so what happens in Africa is if you went into the shop and bought bread for, say, $10 and then went in again a minute later it'd be $20, then $30 or maybe eventually $50 dollars!"
About halfway through that, we all start silently laughing.
SHINee|B2ST|빅뱅i|U-KISS|2AM|4minute|2NE1|SNSD<3
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Aww, it wants to take a picture of you!
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~{₱ʜʘ€₦ℓẍ ₩®¡ğɧ₮}~ wrote:
Mr. T
Possibly the only Winston Payne fangirl on Court-Records...
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Otaku, #1 Machi fan, #2 Machi Fan
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ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOGANT
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
1000% Knight
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Pi_Face314 wrote:
I lost my arm to my math teacher. Here's how the dialog went.
Teacher: This is the answer to the problem! (Some number multiplied by a number) Are there any more square numbers here?
Me: None!
T: Are you sure?
M: Yes I'm sure!
T: Are you willing to bet your arm?
M: Yes I am!
T: Well now, your arm is mine! (Apparently, there were square numbers in that equation.)
That is why my teacher has 3 pairs of arms; his own, mine + another classmate's arm, and a pair of arms from a 3rd classmate.
Oh yeah, and a batch mate lost his soul, future wife, future children, house, money hair, possessions, and everything he will ever have to our history teacher.
Teacher: This is the answer to the problem! (Some number multiplied by a number) Are there any more square numbers here?
Me: None!
T: Are you sure?
M: Yes I'm sure!
T: Are you willing to bet your arm?
M: Yes I am!
T: Well now, your arm is mine! (Apparently, there were square numbers in that equation.)
That is why my teacher has 3 pairs of arms; his own, mine + another classmate's arm, and a pair of arms from a 3rd classmate.
Oh yeah, and a batch mate lost his soul, future wife, future children, house, money hair, possessions, and everything he will ever have to our history teacher.
What is "money hair"?
Credit to Evolina for the sig+avatar!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
AKA Dr. Bokchoy
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
NOW TAKE IT TO THE LAUNCH PAD!
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In Drama, one of my friends was stupid enough to copy and paste from Wikipedia about Bertolt Brecht for an essay.
This is what happened when my teacher found out.
Drama Teacher
Class. Okay class, I'm going to entertain you all today with [name]'s totally and so not obvious essay on Bretol Brecht!*ahem* Bertolt Brecht (born Eugen Berthold Friedrich Brecht 10 February 1898–14 August 1956) was a German poet, playwright, and theatre director. An influential theatre practitioner of the twentieth century, Brecht made equally significant contributions to dramaturgy and theatrical production, the latter particularly through the seismic impact of the tours undertaken by the Berliner Ensemble—the post-war theatre company operated by Brecht and his wife and long-time collaborator, the actress Helene Weigel—with its internationally acclaimed productions.
*Laughter and several totally copied and pasted* Oh, it gets better.There are few areas of modern theatrical culture that have not felt the impact or influence of Brecht's ideas and practices; dramatists and directors in whom one may trace a clear Brechtian legacy include: Dario Fo, Augusto Boal, Joan Littlewood, Peter Brook, Peter Weiss, Heiner Müller, Pina Bausch, Tony Kushner and Caryl Churchill. In addition to the theatre, Brechtian theories and techniques have exerted considerable sway over certain strands of film theory and cinematic practice; Brecht's influence may be detected in the films of Jean-Luc Godard, Lindsay Anderson, Rainer Werner Fassbinder, Joseph Losey, Nagisa Oshima, Ritwik Ghatak, Lars von Trier, Jan Bucquoy and Hal Hartley.
*Pause*
[name], even I don't know what that means! *Laughter*He just stood there and took it alllllllllll in silence...was pretty stupid though to do that in the first place.
And now, witness my great mischief making skills in Biology!
Me. Teacher 
FriendsNow, the three of my friends were taking pictures of each other while our teacher had stepped out. I had to keep lookout...saw the teacher coming...so...
MISS IS COMING! *Walks in* What are you guys doing? Eh? [name] just said Miss is coming, so that means you guys were doing something you shouldn't be!*Goes demonic*
STOP IT!Friends and me:
And now, I bid you farewell with one last Biology line.
Guy in my class.
His friend. Teacher.I forget the details...but it was something like this?
*Asks a question* God knows. *Turns to miss* [name], as much as I love to be compared to the Almighty, I did not to create my garden in six days and give life to people who would ruin it.
Art by the talented Vickinator, thank you! ^_^
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
I like living in fantasy
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Miss.T: Ok, here's a good example. Say this compound with two elements are called Brad and Jennifer. Then along comes Angelena, and Brad leaves Jennifer and goes off with Angelena.
2. Again with Miss T, a lad called Ryan, who repeatedly said his name was Andrew just to wind her up, flirted with her, and she actually said "You won't like me and my fat ass" and we just burst out laughing.
3. My form is in the Geography department, and there is a teacher called Mrs Leslie, and her son is in my form, which is right next door to her classroom. One day, she grabbed him by the back of the short, and me and my friens Rebecca, looked at her, and she said "This is the only child I can do it to."
4. My current chemstry teacher, Dr Baird, let us make these cement blocks, and she said, with a straight face "Don't get any of the concrete powder down the drain, because if I find out you have, I will kill you" I asked her if she meant it and she said with a straight face "Yes, I don't care if I lose my job, I will hunt you down and kill you."
My friends say I'm like Konata, only slightly crazier and sick-minded, yay!
Clunk, clunk, thump, scraaaape,
Pyramid Head has come to rape!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
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Credit to Evolina for the sig+avatar!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Crime Scene Junkie
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---------------------------------
So we're about to take a test...
(annoying kid) Signora! I don't have a pen! Write it in blood.-----------------------------
Teachers think of their class as their "Children". But i wouldnt want to give birth to another 30 children....thats enough to start my own tribe! ------------------------------
yes i studied abroad once. (kid) Ive been abroad!
(other kid) Im abroad!
(class)...what....? (annoying kid) Your a broad! (points to girl) ....*Writes 's name on the board* w-what...? Why? For using foul language! B-but i didnt? You dont know thats a bad word? NO! My grandma calls herself an old broad all the time! ....okay im going to tell you what it is. Its another name for a prostitute. I dont know WHAT was going through your grandmothers head when she said that to you though...By this time our whole class was laughing hysterically
------------------------------------
During class alot of kids were calling out. Signora was finally fed up,
Okay! IT looks like we have to go back to 2nd grade. Welcome 9th graders, back to your elementary school years
(kid) YAAY! No homework! --------------------------------------
Then during science my teacher was making an Ellipse (Circle) On the board using a leather string to draw the perfect circle. When he let it drop, it looked like a smiley face. when we pointed that out, he make it to look like santa claus.
Allright now calculate the eccentricity of santa's Elliptical face!!XD;; i lol'd
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
The master of Judging 64
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Daryan Crescend wrote:
:damon: teach
me
kyle
test today! on the wonderful world of chemistry!...
uh...isn't it just on atoms?
Atoms?
we are studying atoms...aren't we?
and? your point?
...the test?
oh! it's not today
THEN WE STUDIED FOR NOTHING!?
*jumpes*
haha just kidding! it's today...
i hate this class...
think about it scientifically for a moment, what would you do if we didn't have a test today?
i would scientifically walk out the door...
good ansewr! go on! walk out!
wha?
ok? *walks out*
BEEP BEEP! no leaving the class!
but you told me...!
...do i have to trow my coffee at you? i'll save my last cup...just for you.
*can't help but crack up*
wow, that was funny
me kyle test today! on the wonderful world of chemistry!... uh...isn't it just on atoms? Atoms? we are studying atoms...aren't we? and? your point? ...the test? oh! it's not today THEN WE STUDIED FOR NOTHING!? *jumpes* haha just kidding! it's today... i hate this class... think about it scientifically for a moment, what would you do if we didn't have a test today? i would scientifically walk out the door... good ansewr! go on! walk out! wha? ok? *walks out* BEEP BEEP! no leaving the class! but you told me...! ...do i have to trow my coffee at you? i'll save my last cup...just for you. *can't help but crack up*wow, that was funny
I think you used the wrong smile for the teacher and for you.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
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I wish I could kick you all in the face.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Would you like some green eggs and spam?
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Posts: 129
It's a little long, so I've hidden it under a spoiler tag. There's also quite a bit of swearing. I was told they chose the most provocative ringtones they had before class, so be forewarned.
Spoiler:
Her friend
The mobile phones
MIISTA EEDGEWORTH - GIVE ME THAT PHONE NAO!!
But Sir-!
QUIET MISS. ANDREWS!! *jabs a few buttons on the phone*
MAKE IT STOOOPP!!!
I can't, Sir!
*drops the phones onto the floor and runs out of the classroom*It was quite a mean stunt but nobody liked him. Hell, when he taught me in the years that followed my class always had fun taking the piss out of him.
To fight for survival is only natural, but fighting for each other's survival is what makes us human.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
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and my teacher will be I have to go to the bathroom!
In here?
You dirty-minded man =O
I said I have to go to the bathroom and you said "In here?" No, no, I said Not in here! *blushes a bit* I'm going to the washroom, now! *leaves the class to the washroom*
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Ooh, a real drumroll. Nice.
Gender: Male
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(a boy comes in late)
Boy: sorry I'm let miss-
Teacher: What time do you call this?
Boy: but I had to- huh? Oh 11 o'clock.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Putting the M in Cobalt
Gender: Female
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- "So, like, this thingie, the Co-A? It, like, uses these arms--" *draws the word "CoA" on the board, with "arms"* "to pick up the pyruvate, you know? And it, like, carries it over to this system, then drops it off, like, 'See ya later!', and..."...Most lessons go like that.
But she really is intelligent, and passionate about teaching and being a Veterinary Technician. XD
Click on the left 'brow and you get the Super Makoto Project; click on the right 'brow and you get Project Kallisti :D
I made my avatar and sig.
You should totes visit my cosplay thread :Db
Tyrell Badd Facts!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Almost Ace Detective...?
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"It's about sex!"
--
Another time, he was explaining asexual reproduction.
"Asexual reproduction is when you make babies ... with yourself."
"Eww!"
"Sexual reproduction is when I make babies ... with my wife!"
Signature by the amazingly wonderful Vickinator!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Fan of TV show, The Mentalist
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-assistant principal -stats teacher(We were doing an experiment where were trying to determine if the class could tell the difference between two brands of similar sodas/pop, and then do math stuff with the data collected...)
-*is pouring soda into a paper cup* -*walks into the room*"WHAT ARE WE DOING? SHOTS?!!?"
In Health:
-health teacher
-kid 1 -kid 2 -*starts to present project to the class* -*throws piece of paper at and gets him in the face* "Whoever threw that is in big trouble! But that really was a good shot!"In French:
(I've taken Spanish forever, so this year I decided to take French. We're learning the basics, and so this part was just making sure we understood the dialouge that we just read, in which this guy invites 2 girls to the same party)
-French teacher -kid -*after reading dialouge in French*"Okay, so what's going on?"
- "He's a pimp!"- "Okay, but why is he a pimp?"
Klavier Gavin: "Why not wait for him to knock-knock-knock on heaven's door?..."
Klavier+ Guns 'N Roses quote=WIN!
Patrick Jane (from The Mentalist): "The truth. Darth Vader, Luke's father."
Klavier+ Guns 'N Roses quote=WIN!
Patrick Jane (from The Mentalist): "The truth. Darth Vader, Luke's father."
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Almost Ace Detective...?
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Mr. Torres: Don't worry, I won't shoot!
Signature by the amazingly wonderful Vickinator!
Last edited by Det. Bloom on Mon Jan 12, 2009 10:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
This time I'll be bulletproof.
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Detective Bloom wrote:
Girl: Mr. Torres, your butt is in my face!
Mr. Toress: Don't worry, I won't shoot!
Mr. Toress: Don't worry, I won't shoot!
WAHAHA. I wish we had that funny teachers.
I'm not using CR anymore.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
The Cookie is the murder weapon.
Gender: None specified
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Rank: Suspect
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2008 2:19 pm
Posts: 38
Assembly:
: Y'know, i'm waiting for my kid to roll over and crawl... : and beg and shake...---
Biology:
:*reading exam paper q's* First he breeds Sharon with Stan...then he breeds Sharon with Tom-I question Sharon's morals...---
Physics:
:Why? You get a PRIZE for doing atleat 4 questions! : Warm fuzzie feeling? :...darn it. How'd you guess.---
English:
ALL the english teachers are sadistic O______o
:This story has rape in it. IT'S MY FAVORITE STORY!--
:It's funny because the budgie is panicking because it's gonna die :DClass: O_______o
:...sorry.
"The camera is glaring at me...*glares*"-Edgey
"...Think of the kittens!"-Pheonix
Actually, those quotes fit well together O.o
"...Think of the kittens!"-Pheonix
Actually, those quotes fit well together O.o
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
C:
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= Teacher : "You guys... can eat, just watch T.V., have a can of coke, munch on a bag of chips... No big deal. But when you grow up and your metabolism slows down... well, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LUCK YOU ARE!"My teacher is reaaally young, and by some freak thing that happened that won't bother mentioning, she ended up being our teacher in early october for the rest of the year. Imagine being a substitute one day and then being an actual member of staff for some reason not even the principal really knows. Anyways she's really fashionable and pretty, and smart and funny, so one day this happened..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Every morning we have something called RENDEZVOUS. It's just a completely different class with completely different classmates with completely different ages and completely different teachers. You just chill there for 20 minutes in the morning before going to Homeroom. This took place just as some kids in my teacher's rendezvous were leaving and I was coming in.
= Teacher = Older Kid #1
= Older Kid #2 : *erasing white board* ... *pauses* *looks at older kid#1, then teacher* Oooh Teacher... ___ is checking you out! NO I'M NOT *runs out* ............ ._.
Amazing signature, done by Delsy! Thanks so much!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
rock on and peace out everyone!!!
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: art teacher In the video there were two people doing what we're going to do today. So try to remember what that lady that looked like a man did, okay?
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
NOW TAKE IT TO THE LAUNCH PAD!
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For the first part, we had seen a University group preform a play about WW2 that was...well...rubbish. So my teacher had this to say about one of the girls that performed.
What advice would you give that girl apart from never, EVER do Drama again?And another time, she wrote a girl's name on the board for talking...
B-but miss, I was helping [name] because she was hiccuping! Oh, I'm sorry. Let me just check my bothered pocket.*
checks her pocket as the group gasps* Hey, guess what, [name]? It's empty!*Applause from the students and
bows*
Art by the talented Vickinator, thank you! ^_^
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Audi famam illius ; Ille iuxta me
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Student 1 Other students
Teacher : *admiring the necklaces is wearing* Those are nice! It looks beautiful. Please, you could admire her breasts and jewelry at any other time, but not now! : O__O
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
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There was a girl putting make-up on in the middle of the class, so when he noticed it, he walked up to her, took her portable mirror and started making gestures as if he was putting make up on.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
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Rhys: ATTACK THE FRENCH! *throws Midget Gems at her*
Girl: Ow ow ow! Stop it!
Teacher: Rhys Robinson! What are you doing!?
Girl: He's bullying me! ;-;
Teacher: Rhys, does she deserve it?
Rhys: Yes.
Teacher: Oh...Ok then *walks off*
Girl: No...
Rhys: ATTACK THE FRENCH!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Need a sig etc. Click the sig ^-~
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we are going to learn about atoms! Ok so atoms join together and can make three forms, what are they? solids, liquids and gases? Yes, you four come here Ok? stand still Ok? And these are what atoms would be like as a solid Ooh I get it Now liquids Let me guess, we have to be slightly apart Yes *spread out a bit and step left, step right and then step left and then step right etc. Now gases are like this *teacher waves arms around and starts running around the class (note she is wearing high heels..) *teacher falls over*Also this was not a primary school teacher - promise and it was in a lab; but she didn't knock over anything - accept a chair and the person sitting on it..
Thanks Christie so much for Pearl which I adopted from her :3 Yay Christie
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
ハナ
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Like the scent of fresh lemons
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
Good 'til the last drop.
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Band Geeks are cool. Band nerds suck. ahd so true, so true.
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
1000% Knight
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Teacher: For me? Piece of cake!
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?
キラキラ ♥
Gender: Female
Rank: Medium-in-training
Joined: Fri Jan 25, 2008 3:19 am
Posts: 515
today we seniors had an assembly to get info on ordering our cap and gowns. the presenter was trying to be all cool with the graduating
class and was going over different pricings and what they included. At one point he said, "I'm now gonna show you my big package."
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