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Kristoph~!

Gender: Female

Location: Australia

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Mon Dec 29, 2008 3:13 am

Posts: 93

This is my first fanfic and my writing may not be all that good so if you can give me some advise that would be great. There will probably be a lot of errors though X3
Spoiler tag just to save space.

Spoiler:
Chapter 1:
‘It’s raining bullets again,’ Phoenix said angrily. ‘What’s gonna happen to Max and Regina’s party?’
‘I completely forgot about that!’ Maya exclaimed. ‘Pearly is coming over today’.
‘Oh well, I’m sure she won’t mind going to a party and they won’t mind Pearls since she’s such a cute girl’.
‘I guess so’.
‘When she coming?’
‘In an hour I think’.
‘An hour! But the party is in less than 40 minutes!’
‘Oh, it’s okay to be a b-bit late, isn’t it Nick?’
‘Come on,’ Phoenix said, grabbing his coat he had accidently thrown over Charley. ‘I really don’t feel like staying inside the office even though it’s pouring outside. Let’s go’.
‘Kay,’ said Maya quickly as she turned off the television. ‘Oh Nick, I didn’t bring my umbrella today’.
‘We’ll share mine’. Nick, giving her a warm smile, opened up the umbrella and headed out first.
Maya trailing behind had a small ‘discussion’ with herself in her head.
‘I gotta tell Mick now! I might never get another chance to!’ Maya thought. ‘But it’s gonna be so embarrassing and what if he doesn’t feel that way too’.
In deep thought she finally arrived at her decision. She will tell him. Phoenix had been waiting patiently at the entrance with his blue umbrella open.
‘Umm, N-Nick,’ Maya whispered as they walked down the deserted street huddled beneath the umbrella.
‘What is it, Maya,’ Phoenix replied, cautiously stepping around a deep, murky puddle.
‘I have something really important to tell you’. She took a deep breath before divulging her secret.
‘We’ve known each other for a really long time and u-uh, I really li-‘.
Before she could say anything a car rode and splashed them both with dirty rainwater.
‘Aw, great,’ Phoenix said, shaking off some water off his jacket. ‘ So what did you want to tell me?’
‘U-Uh, n-n-never mind,’ She stuttered. She looked down at her wet feet.
‘Pathetic,’ she thought.
~~~
They were sitting on the benches under the platform shading. It was a while before Pearl’s train arrived. In that period of time, Wright attempted to make small talk with Maya but she always ended the conversation with her response, leaving her partner scratching his spiky hair.
Maya was glad when Pearl arrived. She needed someone to talk to about her situation. She wasn’t exactly sure that ‘someone’ should be Pearl but she just needed to spill her secret to someone.
When Phoenix offered to get a cab while they both waited out of the rain Maya thought it was the perfect chance to talk to Pearly. When he left she spilled out her secrets to Pearl.
‘I know! So are you gonna use the reservations I got you at Gatewater?’ Pearl said grinning. ‘I envy the both of you’.
‘But Pearly, I can’t tell him and I don’t want you to either,’ Maya said, looking at her feet.
Before Pearl could reply Phoenix returned. ‘Let’s go, we’re 20 minutes late!’ he exclaimed.
Maya slid into the taxi first but then Pearl burst out that she needed to go to the toilet.
‘Come on Mr. Nick,’ Pearl said impatiently, pulling on Phoenix’s sleeve.
‘U-um, okay,’ he responded. ‘Maya you go first and we’ll come after’.
‘Alright,’ she huffed thinking that Pearl might tell him.
As Pearl and Phoenix walked towards the public toilets, they heard a sound that they didn’t expect to hear.
Crash.
They ran back the way they came to see what had happened. They saw the car Maya was in wedged in between a tree and another car. It looked like a squashed can in the trash. People were screaming and crying but all those the sounds were blocked out of Phoenix’s head. All he could hear was Maya’s voice whispering in his head. Telling him to help her. Save her.
‘M-Maya. MAYA!’

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Thanks Purple Angel =D
Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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This is my Path, my Dream, my Choice

Gender: None specified

Location: Up North

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:31 am

Posts: 778

It's pretty good for a first timer! It sounds like it's going to build up into something awesome. I can't wait til the next chapter.
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**Special Thanks to Dekuran for the Awesome Siggy and Nadindi for the Cool Avatar!**
Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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You'd better be nice to Mr. Judge!

Gender: Female

Location: the Netherlands

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2007 12:48 pm

Posts: 309

Ooohh I like it! Maya/Phoenix is one of my favorite pairings, so you already got me with that, but you're writing is pretty good! :edgy:
The only thing which seems wrong is that a period should be before the quotation mark, instead of after it.

I'm looking forward to an update! ^^
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Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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Kristoph~!

Gender: Female

Location: Australia

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Mon Dec 29, 2008 3:13 am

Posts: 93

Thanks =3

here's the second chapter:

Spoiler: Chap 2
Chapter 2:
Phoenix ran towards the crash site, rain pelting down on his shoulders. He could hear Pearl continuously screaming ‘Mystic Maya’ behind him.
As Phoenix approached the scene his heart shattered when he saw Maya’s limp arm covered in cuts and bruises. Phoenix looked inside the door-less wreck to see Maya still breathing. Crawling inside his face wet with tears and rain, he struggled with her seatbelt which was stuck fast. Crawling back out he grabbed a shard of metal, which probably had came from the car, and used it to cut the seatbelt. Successful, he pulled her out of the wreck and carried her towards Pearl who was squatting on the road clutching her sides.
Phoenix laid the unconscious girl onto the wet ground. Blood was gushing out of a deep gash on her forehead. He ripped off a piece of cloth from his jacket and pressed it down on the wound. Pearl was kneeling beside her holding Maya’s hand tight.
The ambulance arrived and took Maya and the other injured people away to the hospital. The witnesses began to walk away from the scene of the accident until only Pearl and Phoenix were the only ones left, hugging in the rain.
A surge of despair washed over the pair leaving them feeling grief in the pit of their broken hearts.
~~~
Phoenix and Pearl were sitting in the hospital waiting room drenched. Pearl was sitting on Phoenix’s lap, her face buried into his shirt. ‘She’s gonna be alright,’ he would whisper occasionally to assure both himself and Pearl. The doctor finally came to tell them about Maya’s condition.
‘Maya Fey is fine and her injuries should completely heal in a few weeks,’ the doctor said calmly. ‘You, uh, can go in and see her now but she hasn’t woken up yet’. Without another word the doctor set off down the hall with Maya’s chart in his hand.
Pearl jumped off Phoenix’s lap and ran to Maya’s room unaware the sign saying ‘NO RUNNING OR SHOUTING’ above their head. Smiling, Phoenix followed the little girl to Maya’s room. When he entered the room he saw Pearl sitting beside Maya spewing the good news out that she should be fine in a few weeks, although most likely she wasn’t listening. Phoenix smiled when he saw the two girls having a lovely time – or rather one girl.
‘Pearls, I‘m just gonna go and clean myself up,’ Phoenix said draping his soaked jacket over one of the chairs to dry.
He left and went to the toilet where he started cleaning off the dirt on his face. He screwed up his face when he found a dead beetle in his hair. When he returned to Maya’s room he saw Mia holding Maya’s hand.
‘Phoenix, how is she?’ Mia asked her eyes closed.
‘Doctor says she’s fine,’ Phoenix responded.
‘She’s not fine!’ Mia suddenly burst out, slamming her hands on the bedside table.
Phoenix staggered back. He had never seen her like this before dead or alive.
‘She’s hardly surviving. I can faintly see her in my world,’ she said as tears rolled down her cheeks. ‘Maya is fighting to survive’.
Phoenix hesitantly rubbed his boss’ back to comfort her. She didn’t seem like the strong woman he knew. Mia fell onto a chair, still crying. Phoenix sat down next to her whispering soothing messages. Mia laid her head onto his shoulder and closed her eyes. Phoenix turned to Maya in her bed and the beeping monitor beside her. She seemed peaceful but who knows what troubles she may be facing inside. Slowly as Phoenix watched Maya breathe in and out he drifted off to sleep.

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Thanks Purple Angel =D
Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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This is my Path, my Dream, my Choice

Gender: None specified

Location: Up North

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:31 am

Posts: 778

Man, this is so well written. I just felt myself completely sucked into this story. Keep it up, I can't wait til the next update.
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**Special Thanks to Dekuran for the Awesome Siggy and Nadindi for the Cool Avatar!**
Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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I just blue myself

Gender: Male

Location: Kangaroo City

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Mon May 11, 2009 1:42 pm

Posts: 478

Wow. This is really good (even though I don't like PhoenixXMaya and I like PhoenixXThallassa) and it has such a great writing style. Keep it up!
I'm So Meta, Even This Acronym

But in all honesty, META humour sucks.
Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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You'd better be nice to Mr. Judge!

Gender: Female

Location: the Netherlands

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2007 12:48 pm

Posts: 309

Wow nice second chapter! I like how you used Mia here to explain Maya's condition.
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Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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Kristoph~!

Gender: Female

Location: Australia

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Mon Dec 29, 2008 3:13 am

Posts: 93

Thanks so much for the comments =D

Here's the 3rd Chapter:

Spoiler: Chap 3
Chapter 3:
In Phoenix’s dream he was brought back to the case where he had met Maya. Back to Mia’s death, Maya’s trial, the lies in Miss May’s testimony’s and the dazzling rings of the killer – Redd White. He remembered when Maya had given him a peck on the cheek after the trial at the burger joint. From being so embarrassed he had even gotten a smidge of tomato sauce on his shirt. His dream ended with his and Maya’s laughter when he heard a flurry of feet in the hall which probably belonged to doctors who needed to attend to a patient urgently.
He rubbed his eyes. It was 6:05pm, nearly 7 hours after the incident. It seemed that Pearl had returned to her body and was sleeping soundly beside him. He got up and walked towards Maya silently. Phoenix brushed Maya’s soft hair out of her face. He touched her cheek. It felt warm and smooth like the skin of a porcelain doll. He sat on the edge of her bed, stroking her hair.
He had never noticed how beautiful she was.
~~~
Maya could feel excruciating pain in all parts of her body. But her pain suddenly eased when he saw his face. Phoenix’s face.
‘Is he here with me?’ she asked herself, but she soon realised she was watching her past.
Just like in a cinema she watched her past. Suddenly a new feeling blossomed in her. It wasn’t the teenage-crush feeling she had felt for Phoenix before. It was...love.
~~~
In the days that followed, it was getting rather crowded. Gumshoe, Lotta Hart, Max, Regina, Moe, Maggey and other people had come to see Maya. So, he and Pearl decided to go out and but presents for Maya to give her when she wakes up. Phoenix desperately hoped that she would no matter what Mia said.
Wandering around the mall, Pearl bought Maya (using Phoenix’s money of course!) a huge teddy bear holding a love heart and a bracelet with musical note charms. Phoenix bought her a silver ring encrusted with purple-coloured crystals.
They had arrived back at the Wright Co. Law Offices. Pearl was busying herself with packing and wrapping up the presents. Phoenix looked through the mail. ‘Bills, bills, bills, what’s this?’
It was a blank envelope. No writing or stamp was present. Ripping it open, he found inside to what looked to be a business card and a small note. The note said ‘The fourth piece of evidence that was not presented in court’.
‘What is this?’ Phoenix said under his breath. He looked at the note which had a shell design on it. Someone had drawn a picture on it. It was a drawing of...him!
‘What is it, Mr. Nick,’ said Pearl as she came up behind him.
‘It’s something that came in the post,’ Phoenix replied.
‘What does it say?’
Phoenix read the note out and showed Pearl the picture.
‘I think this is the picture Mystic Maya drew when she was kidnapped in that Nickel Samurai case,’ she said, sharp as always. ‘I find it so sweet that she drew a picture of you!’
Pearl giggled and continued to wrap up the presents. Phoenix however stood there. ‘Maya drew this?’

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Thanks Purple Angel =D
Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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Achtung Baby ¡

Gender: None specified

Location: in Spain ¡¡¡

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Thu Jul 23, 2009 2:35 pm

Posts: 36

I like it ! =D , PxM it's one of my fav pairings :kissy:, please continue ^^ :phoenix:
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Pairings : Klaviema / Phoenix&Maya / Edgey&Franny / Miego / Apollo&Vera :)

excuse me if i don't write correctly ....i'm spanish =D
Sig and ava made by me :3
Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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This is my Path, my Dream, my Choice

Gender: None specified

Location: Up North

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:31 am

Posts: 778

omg, wow! I love how you put the card in this story! That is totally awesome!
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**Special Thanks to Dekuran for the Awesome Siggy and Nadindi for the Cool Avatar!**
Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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You'd better be nice to Mr. Judge!

Gender: Female

Location: the Netherlands

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2007 12:48 pm

Posts: 309

I agree with FlameInferno! =D Now, wake up Maya!
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Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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Kristoph~!

Gender: Female

Location: Australia

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Mon Dec 29, 2008 3:13 am

Posts: 93

Sorry this chapter took so long.

Spoiler: Chap 4
Chapter 4:
Phoenix and Pearl went to see Maya rather early the next morning. The clock had just tolled 7 when they arrived at the hospital. As they walked down the hall to Maya’s room Pearl suddenly cried out, ‘Mr. Edgeworth!’
Edgeworth jumped back in surprise. ‘W-W-Wright,’ he stammered.
‘He he, what are you doing here Mr. Edgeworth? Are you here to see Mystic Maya?’ asked Pearl, giggling.
‘I-I, uh, I should go,’ Edgeworth said hastily as he rushed to the exit.
Phoenix laughed quietly as he entered the room. The first thing he saw was fresh, beautiful lilies wrapped in glossy paper. There was a photo tied onto the paper. It was the photo Lotta Hart had taken after Edgeworth’s case. On the back it said, ‘Hope you get better, M.E’.
Phoenix laughed quietly again but apparently Pearl heard. She took the picture out of his hands.
‘T-That’s Mystic M-M-Mia!’ Pearl stammered, pointing at the faint figure of Mia Fey.
‘Oh, why it is,’ Phoenix smiled. ‘I guess she was with us after the case’.
‘Mystic Mia is very pretty,’ Pearl said. ‘And Mystic Maya is also very, very pretty’.
Pearl giggled, slipping the photo back between the flowers. Phoenix looked at the sleeping girl.
‘Yes. Yes she is’.
~~~
Edgeworth was driving back to his office which was rather dusty from his absence. He had gotten Dick Gumshoe to clean it up for him. Said he would pay him too.
He slapped his head. ‘Why should be embarrassed in front of Wright,’ he thought angrily.
He remembered the time when Maya had helped him when he was accused of murder. He hoped Wright wouldn’t notice the photo although his flowers would be awfully hard to miss.
Arriving back at the Prosecutor’s office, Edgeworth found Detective Gumshoe polishing his table. He took off his coat and flung it on the couch. He sat down in his comfortable chair which was most probably the thing he missed most.
‘Can you get that book up there,’ he asked Gumshoe. He pointed at a thick book at the top of the bookcase.
‘Ack, yes sir,’ Gumshoe said, as he started climbing up the ladder. Heights weren’t his thing. He dusted the book off before giving it to Edgeworth.
‘Thankyou Detective Gumshoe,’ Edgeworth said, flipping through the brown, crinkled pages. ‘You can go on your break now’.
‘Thanks pal,’ Gumshoe replied happily. He secretly took one of the flowers from Edgeworth’s bouquet before leaving. Now he didn’t need to buy Maya a flower.
Edgeworth’s eyes were drawn from the tiny text on the paper to the empty frame lying on his desk.
‘Empty,’ he thought.
~~~
Back at the hospital Pearl was sitting on Phoenix’s lap. They were counting all the gifts Maya had received from friends. There was a present wrapped in pink paper. It was from Maggey and Detective Gumshoe. They had told them they had bought her clothes. Another was from Regina and it was a sparkly dress and 30 of Maximillion Galactica’s hearts. After they had counted every present they sat there not knowing what to do. Then Pearl caught sight of a pile of books in the corner. Running over she retrieved a children’s poem book.
‘Read to Mystic Maya, Mr. Nick,’ Pearl said handing him the book. ‘Maybe she can hear you!’
‘Ok then,’ Phoenix said, smiling. He and Pearl went over to sit by Maya. He turned to the first page. It was a poem about rabbits.
‘Nobody knows a rabbit’s nose, the way it twitches, the way it goes...’
~~~
Maya could feel her some of her wounds healing but the pain still attacked her. But she could do nothing to stop it. She couldn’t even lift up her finger. She had tried to open her eyes but they were weighed down. She wanted to cry out for help but her mouth wouldn’t let her. It was as if they were sewn together.
‘Nick...Pearls...where are you?’ Maya thought.
Then she could hear Phoenix’s voice.
‘Nobody knows a rabbit’s eyes, Red as rubies without surprise...’
The words flittered and fluttered around her, like beautiful notes in a song. She listened to every word, wanting it to last forever. But like all things it ended and left her in a pit of loneliness and despair. Then suddenly she could hear someone calling her.
‘Maya,’ the familiar voice said.
‘S-S-Sis!’ she cried in her head. ‘What are you doing here?’
But Mia didn’t answer her question. She only said two words. ‘Wake up’.
~~~
Phoenix closed the book and put it back with its friends. Many of Maya’s friends had come to visit her while Phoenix was reading. They all sat around the room listening silently to Phoenix’s words.
He got up and sat on the edge of the bed. He held Maya’s hand, their fingers intertwined. He leaned down until their foreheads touched. ‘Wake up,’ he whispered. He got up to leave but it seemed like Maya didn’t let him. She was gripping his hand.
‘M-Maya!’ Phoenix cried, rushing back to her. His cry made everyone in the room jump forward.
‘Nick,’ Maya uttered through her slightly-opened mouth.
‘Slowly she opened her eyes. She could see the faces of all her friends looking at her. She smiled when she saw Nick’s face, tears of happiness trickling down his face. They hugged each other.
‘I’ve missed you, Nick,’ Maya said quietly. ‘I’m finally awake’.

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Thanks Purple Angel =D
Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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This is my Path, my Dream, my Choice

Gender: None specified

Location: Up North

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:31 am

Posts: 778

Yay!! Maya woke up! Great attention to detail this chapter. I love it.
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**Special Thanks to Dekuran for the Awesome Siggy and Nadindi for the Cool Avatar!**
Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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Kristoph~!

Gender: Female

Location: Australia

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Mon Dec 29, 2008 3:13 am

Posts: 93

Last Chapter is up!

Spoiler: Chap 5
Chapter 5:
Everything was back to normal. It took a few more weeks for Maya’s injuries to completely heal but her friends waited patiently and helped her through her troubles.
Lotta took a photo of everyone in the hospital room a few days after Maya woke up. Edgeworth accidently came at that time and was forced to be in the picture. Though, at least his frame wasn’t empty anymore.
Gumshoe was paid his money for cleaning up Edgeworth’s office. He had used most of it to pay the rent but with his spare cash he bought both Maya and Pearl a small stuffed toy.
Mia had calmed down knowing that her sister wouldn’t suffer the fate she endured any time soon.
Pearl was staying with Phoenix until her cousin was all better. Occasionally, she had to go back to Kurain Village to pick up some things.
Soon it was time for Pearl to go home. Although Maya had completely healed she wanted to stay with Nick for a few more weeks before she returned home herself. Before Pearl’s departure they ate in the Viola hall at the Gatewater Hotel. Maya was wearing the clothes Maggey had given her, which was a pink stripy top with black tights. She seemed to be making up for what she didn’t eat during her week-long sleep.
At the station, Pearl was getting on her train.
‘I hope you two have a nice time together,’ she giggled. ‘Bye Mr.Nick, Bye Mystic Maya!’ Phoenix and Maya were left waving on the platform as they watched the train move away into the distance.
‘Let’s go, Maya,’ Phoenix said, rubbing his arms because of the cold night.
‘Wait, there’s something I want to do first,’ she replied, buying two tickets for the beach.
~~~
It was a half hour trip to the beach. On the way there, Phoenix had asked why they were going to the beach on such a cold night, but Maya just replied, ‘Cause I want to’.
Once they arrived at the beach they took off their shoes to feel the sand between their toes. They walked along the shoreline hand in hand, occasionally dipping their toes into the freezing water.
Sliding his free hand into his pocket, he found the picture Maya had drawn of him. He had put it in his pocket the day it had arrived and forgot about it. Hesitantly, he asked Maya about it.
‘Um, Maya,’ he said.
‘Yes, Nick?’ she replied.
‘Do you recognise this?’ he asked, showing her the card.
‘Oh yeah! Where did you find it?’
‘It came by mail’.
‘Really?!’
‘Yeah, u-um, why did you draw me?’
Maya blushed.
‘You were the only thing I could think about,’ she said quietly. ‘It would be like in those fairy tales when the knight saves the princess’.
Maya’s face reddened even more. Phoenix smiled lovingly at her and squeezed her hand tighter.
‘Nick, I...’ she said quietly.
Maya grabbed Phoenix’s tie and pulled him towards her. Their lips touched, sharing a sensational moment. Phoenix held her close to him, experiencing such a great feeling that it felt like his chest was going to burst. When she pulled her lips away from Phoenix’s she whispered something in his ear.
‘I love you’.
Then Phoenix gave her a look which meant,
‘I love you too’.

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Thanks Purple Angel =D
Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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This is my Path, my Dream, my Choice

Gender: None specified

Location: Up North

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:31 am

Posts: 778

Aww! That was such a warm and pretty ending! It was a great fanfic. Keep on writing.
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**Special Thanks to Dekuran for the Awesome Siggy and Nadindi for the Cool Avatar!**
Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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Kristoph~!

Gender: Female

Location: Australia

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Mon Dec 29, 2008 3:13 am

Posts: 93

Thanks =3
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Thanks Purple Angel =D
Re: MayaxPhoenixTopic%20Title
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You'd better be nice to Mr. Judge!

Gender: Female

Location: the Netherlands

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2007 12:48 pm

Posts: 309

Aahw such a sweet ending. =)
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